Standards vs Preferences

Dharius Daniels is a cultural architect and trendsetter for his generation. He is the Founder and Lead Pastor of Change Church. Change Church is a vibrant ministry that impacts people of all ages, socioeconomic classes, and ethnic backgrounds.
He holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Political Science from Millsaps College in Jackson, Mississippi, a Master of Divinity degree from Princeton Theological Seminary in Princeton, New Jersey, and a Doctorate of Ministry degree from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California.
He is married to Shameka Daniels and they are the proud parents of two sons Dharius Seth and Gabriel Micah Daniels. Visit Dr. Dharius on the web at www.dhariusdaniels.com.
Stay connected:
Website - dhariusdaniels.com
Facebook - / dharius.daniels
Instagram - / dhariusdaniels
Twitter - / dhariusdaniels

[@leewilson1577]

"fighting chronic temptation" because you did go after what you wanted !!!!!!! wow

[@MrsB565]

I have to keep watching this.

[@melissaatuatasi495]

Just found this in 2/29/2024 - it's so good & powerful! Thank you Pastor Dharius Daniels!

[@nikkikraemer7363]

I needed this message 15 years ago when I was pushed to marry a man I don’t have a connection with and we are unevenly yoked. I have pushed something that wasn’t meant for me for 15 years now and I have been miserable with a smile on my face just to make others happy.

[@cemplygloria6261]

That may have been have been the case for you then but in 15yrs you have matured and grown enough to make a decision for yourself not others people.

[@ninapullins1674]

Get his Relational Intelligence book, it will help gain perspective. Blessings 🙏🏾

[@nikkikraemer7363]

@@ninapullins1674 thank you

[@nikkikraemer7363]

I ordered the book and it arrives tomorrow. I’m praying for insight.

[@ninapullins1674]

@@nikkikraemer7363 you will gain so much about how to place people in the right place in your life .And you will discover your motivation behind why you have allowed certain people in . The good news is you will understand you more , this will cause you to be more intentional to create what you need transform your life. Best wishes!

[@JTlifecoaching]

This man!!! Why isn’t PD on mainstream media, universitys and all this platfroms!!! I think PD is the thought leader of this generation!!!

[@azureenicole]

Pastor this was so timely! You run into unnecessary temptations when you choose to settle for what you think you should have instead of what you want ! No point in wasting one another’s time if the feelings aren’t authentic !! This was so rich

[@marquiisthomas9304]

Even if they are shallow. Let them make their choice. Because the other person will get hurt down the line more if they wake up one day and make the decision to leave later

[@NicholeWilderBrown]

Attraction matters from both sides. Been there done that. So true!

[@dominiquegolden]

YOU CAN’T GET LIFE RIGHT GETTING RELATIONSHIPS WRONG! Let’s go DD, excited to hear this message!

[@ladonnaharris5614]

True!!

[@neba_heals]

That part 🎯

[@AndreaSylve]

Amen!!!

[@jonline3461]

What about standards (or preferences) that are rooted in unhealthy experiences? For example, unfortunately, many men were introduced to inappropriate content as kids, which may have shaped their “preferences.” As an adult, he may be saved, healed etc. but what he finds physically attractive may be heavily influenced by his experience as a youth and that may stay with him for the rest of his life (or not). Given that this influence may affect him forever, maybe he should just go ahead and choose women based on those preferences to avoid “chronic temptation.” But maybe it’s good to explore to source of our “preferences” and at times dig a little a deeper before we make decisions about dismissing people based on those “preferences.” This is just one example, but I can think of others. I’d love to hear what other people think about this question.

[@antonniomitchell431]

PD got me rollin!! 😭

[@cpittman1527]

Teachhhhh pastor! Relationships on every level matter...choices in relationships affect EVERYBODY your connected to.....pick well!!Me, I wud rather be alone thn miserable...periodt. so grateful for you Pastor. Blessings!

[@sandraflowe218]

I don’t normally post comments on KZbin. But, I HAD to give this one a virtual high-five. Finally, somebody said it (“It”, meaning every single thing you said in this video😂) Thank you for your honesty Sir!!!

[@vivianedepaiva1224]

You have been a father to me pastor ❤

[@kathywherry9810]

I pondered on this all weekend. Confirmation

[@omarflores1]

" A lot of people who are telling other people who they should be with, don't want the one they are with!'" The truth hurts, but the bible says in proverbs," a wise person learns from others mistakes." Take heed! 🦁

[@agm0mmy]

So thankful for this message, DD. I needed this 20 years ago!!! “You can’t get life right getting relationships wrong!” So true!!! I definitely need to fix my “picker.” 💯 💙💜🙏🏼🙌

[@cassandrawilson8813]

Thank you for setting me free!!! Check all the boxes but I don't like them😌...carry on Sir🙌🏾

[@shannonharper5029]

Pastor, Teacher, Counselor, you have so blessed me with your message ❣️🔥 I receive it ❣️, and will continue to Thrive ❣️❣️❣️🔥🔥🔥🙏🙏🙏

[@aliciashaw1209]

Thank you PD

[@BritTellstheTruth]

Yes 🎊🎉❤thank you!!!

[@crystalhinton7992]

LORD have mercy 🙌🏾✅️🎯 preach this word

[@mariemuhammad7983]

Relationships matter. 🎉🎉💜💜👑

[@KnowMe_well]

Mm hmm… them boxes checked off for me of what I wanted. But what I needed was never given. It led me to get a certificate proving the end of that marriage☺️🤷🏽‍♀️. It was definitely forced because I thought I should like him. This coulda freed me 10 years ago. But I got it now. I receive it all. Thank you ☺️

[@joer8273]

I recall being pressure to propose to my now ex wife when I was in my early 20s. I heard “Why wait? You obviously love her.” “This is what people do around here.” “Do you really want to start the process all over again?” “We can all have kids growing up the same age.” You name it. And she was (is) a great girl, but here’s the issue: I hadn’t worked through MY “stuff” yet. I hadn’t done the work yet on childhood trauma. I hadn’t learned or been mentored in how to really know if s(he)‘s the one. Having the important and tough convos about money management, for example. The worst part was the ultimatum from her one Oct. “if you don’t propose to me by the end of the year, I’m leaving. I can’t wait forever” (she was 23). I hadn’t seen that as an enormous red flag. Instead, my childhood abandonment issues were triggered and I got scared. Moral of the story: other people are not you! They don’t know your walk. We have to walk our walk and do the work during that walk. She’s a wonderful person, and I’m blessed we are still friends and amazing coparents, but had I had this wisdom from PD, I would have waited, grew, and thus saved both of us a lot of pain.

[@melmel7011]

I foresee a reconciliation in the future

[@andrelynmalveaux7002]

This was GOOD and thank you. I am going to look at what my standard and preferences are. And understand it's not about anyone but me ... Thank you!!! More please!!

[@soritadejarnette6953]

You are truly connected to our Father....He will always direct your path.

[@amirarcher7628]

Needed to hear this in this season in my life 🎉

[@Taraiwashington]

Thank you

[@michaelamarcia2336]

THIS IS GOOD!!!!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@ramonaphillipsteach3284]

Lol 😂😂😂 the one that is trying to tell someone who they should be with don’t want the one they are with.😂

[@adlysahollis5447]

Thank you Pastor Daniels for you give us spiritual truth from God’s word that helps us open and digest emotional truth that you feed us. Thank you that you care enough to make sure we have a balanced diet of truth, which is the Word of God. Amazing…!!!

[@biancacalhoun9839]

Wow! Thank you 😊

[@niecysongz89]

My standard are my least non negotiable My preference are my aspirations but deal breakers

[@netinaclaxton3775]

You better preach Pastor this so spoke to me in so many ways

[@dawnmbali4010]

Timely word! Thank you!

[@aprilmoorman6409]

Wow! Thank you Pastor Dharius for this conversation. This hit the nail right on the head for me! I’ve been going back and forth about this. I’m on track now.

[@shamettaallen342]

Amen

[@maxinewilliams9251]

This teaching was too short BUT impactful! Pastor please come back to Charlotte! Come to South Charlotte though! We need you in this upscale culture too! I absolutely love this teaching! I have shared this with a great guy who doesn’t get my standards. He’s amazing! Checks most of my boxes! He’s a minister, pastor, prayer warrior, lovable, financially stable, and educated. However, I’m not physically attractive to him. I’ve tried, I’ve tried. When we talk via phone and FaceTime I’m sold solid. When we meet in person he wine and dines me like never before but my eyes see what I see. My heart feels what it feels. 😮I just don’t like him as a mate as a helpmate. He said it will change. I say that’s absolutely impossible. Pray for me.🙏🏽

[@shayshay6374]

To read this my mouth is opening Iam feeling so bad confused everything you said is this man that is telling me he is my husband everything you listed is him and everything I do desire but when I get up with him I can’t even see myself being physically attracted to him and he told me I have it backwards it’s faith and feelings and love come after

[@demikacobbaboutmybusiness]

Pastor Dhaurius thank you for sharing great insight about relationships God knows I need help with relationships and how Differentiate my standards and my Preference because relationships is greatest joy and pain and I am definitely at place in my life that I need emotional health relationships people that I can build with not just company or not just romantic companionship either. God send my purpose people that’s ready to build!!!

[@drlatashaclay]

Good afternoon, Pastor! I just had to comment LOL! This was confirmation for me. I needed to hear this WORD! Thank you! 😊🙏🏼

[@rugezajoyeuse5664]

Same😢

[@kivigray0423]

Wait. This is so good!! I’m about to rewind.

[@janethart3155]

Sweet 😊

[@favoreddiva6907]

This is a word!!!🙏🏽🙌🏼

[@dimplesA1]

Amen! Finally, wisdom spoken with common sense! What I've known to be true for years. 💯!!👏🏾 It's unfortunate that I've heard a lot of other ministries telling singles their "standards" don't matter, even as far to say marriage is just about purpose...like God isn't concerned about our preferences!

[@DevotedLady53]

Amen❤🙏

[@denisedavis2666]

Thank you!

[@marquiisthomas9304]

You ain’t lyin jack

[@AndiswaTshefu]

Word!

[@BritTellstheTruth]

💯

[@gene35z]

Wow D......... 😲🤦🏿‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️ I'm stuck.........

[@michelemartin4554]

I agree because I have divorced twice because I have married good men that many women would love but it wasn't there for me. I won't make that mistake again.

[@Meeechellaaa]

Thank you I've been in the market 🤓

[@SalomoDenOtter]

Association produces assimilation

[@nassany6686]

Relationships with God

[@alisonm3700]

No wonder relationships are the crux of life

[@leahanderson30]

Period point blank

[@stelladamore5461]

Question!- What can a woman do to help identify if a man has mixed up a standard as a preference BEFORE she marries him. Ideas anyone or pastor? i imagine it would be very uncomfortable to be with man facing chronic temptation because you’re not what he really wanted/needed.

[@stelladamore5461]

i know we should pray about that…any other ideas?

[@albrown3808]

Some believe God should tell you who, however will God direct you against your standards or preferences? How does that work? Consider Hosea's being directed to someone who I'd say doesn't fit standards or preferences. What about Adam? He was given a wife (Eve), there was no option for him to pursue standards or preferences.

[@larhondathomas9500]

❤🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@shawnkeith4016]

😂😂😂 this advice will have you miserable with the person your attracted to

[@BeautyforAshess]

I met a good guy he helps people he does bible study he a christian he tries to hold me accountable but I dont like him, hes the closest thing to what I want cause i dont find men who have those qualities. but he has alot about him i dont like, i dont like his personality i like hype people that have vibrant confidence personalities. i believe he tells little white lies not big ones and thats a minus. hes too cheap and financial irresponsible with cars etc. I like him i try my best to make myself like him, cause of his foundational beliefs, but I just dont see a connection and I just dont like HIM. I gotta trust ima find another chirstian that is my type

[@drnikkie]

TEACH SOCIAL PROOF!!!!

[@LR0620]

I guarantee you that the pick in a romantic relationship matters. Jesus pick please 🙏🏽

[@cynathiagreen4694]

This was sooo Good Pastor D! I think that a lot of us get it twisted and I've had a time in my life where I was a little confused by maybe I should just date someone who I'm not attracted to just because they were a good person. Then I had to learn that just cause they are good doesn't mean they are good for me. I believe that God knows our desires, how can it be shallow if you want to be attracted to the one he has for you. Everyone is different and I think it's great that you shared this message!

[@nikip3903]

Amen

[@pretinaj.phoenix6532]

Unfortunately I believe we the people are more detailed and descriptive concerning what we wear or drive than who we want to be in a relationship with. To say I just want someone nice, to chill with and no drama. Well Sir or maam that can be the guy /girl who bags your groceries or is your dry cleaner but not someone who shares the same values, views money as you do or decides that their political party is the only credible option. We need to be CIA, detectives and ask questions like a person trying to get you signed up to vote. This is our heart, you only get one of those, we can't be out in these streets handing it out like its a sample at Costco.

[@CrystalRoeMusic]

I felt the part when he said, "It's giving me friend vibe. It's giving me bro!" Exactly, I'm not forcing myself to like someone romantically. Nope! Not doing it!

[@justjas161]

I had to rewind & listen to that last part again. “A lot of ppl who are trying to tell ppl who they should be with, don’t want the one they with.” That’s a whole word! I ALWAYS get shade from certain individuals b/c I refuse to settle & choose not to date just anybody & I could never understand why they care so much. And those last words gave me a lightbulb moment. Misery loves company! It’s quite obvious these ppl aren’t happy with their life & marriage so of course they’d have something to say & slick want me to choose the same miserable path they’ve chosen. Tuh! Not gonna happen. This was great PD, as always. Thank you! 😊❤

[@melmel7011]

Happens to me too. I do not understand why people push others to marry

[@ramonaphillipsteach3284]

Awesomw teaching. I learned to let God choose for me and confirm it. What’s not meant to be is Not meant to be even 20years later. Let’s seek God in our relationships.🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@abeekuworldchanger380]

I've been learning this too. Our lives are too good to give away cheaply to people who don't value our lives or purpose

[@octaviaaddison8094]

"If I don't know what I want, then how do I know if I've found it?" - a bar.

[@stanleywade4033]

I need this GODLY relationship advice RIGHT NOW!!😳🤣😇✊🏽 Thank you Pastor!!!

[@kp92871]

💯 always on point Pastor DD!!!

[@kathywherry9810]

Always!!

[@Leshagirl100]

This man just told my whole life. I can think of one specific thing that I've been treating as a preference when in reality it's a standard. This one thing has come up more than once with different individuals and every time I would feel badly that I felt so strongly about this one thing when sooo many other things were in alignment. Now I know it was a standard for me and not a preference...and I'm not settling!

[@ladonnaharris5614]

This very true. As you get older they can change

[@londymhocho421]

I'm grateful 💯💯🔥🔥lord I'm laughing when you said you said, they tick all the boxes but I don't like them, I feel it soo strongly 😅😅😂😂

[@daisystanley9719]

I have listen to ur sermon "I don't need closure " at least 3 × or more. I have been TREMOUNFLESLY been blessed by it and opened my eyes to A LOT of things. Thank you soooo much for letting the Holly Spirit lead you !!!

[@Rashaadthegr8]

Be flexible on your preferences and strict on your standards.

[@silivonacooper1287]

Having a man who like to keep a meticulous home environment is a standard & him knowing to cook is a preference

[@rugezajoyeuse5664]

I needed this today🙏

[@mariemuhammad7983]

If I don’t know what I am looking for. how will I know when I found it. 🎉🎉⚓️💜👑⚓️I knew immediately.

[@zionbebopnk1426]

Where was this for me 13 yrs ago. It's honestly good to see not the only 1 on the cruise ship (can't say it's a boat) and feeling like I'm insane but the more more I get especially from Pastor PD even with Christian-ish series. Information I wish I had better understanding. Like he said the Information can be wrong even coming from loved ones due to lack of knowledge and understanding doesn't mean they don't love you but providing information from hurt or unhealed place.

[@irinaprata5084]

I'm so grateful for this message, I needed to hear that today. Thank you so much Pastor D 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@TheLetter_El]

This!!!!! A lot of people aren't going to like this. I wish more people would watch this and ABSORB it.

[@saraalleluia]

Amazing. Just what I needed. Recently met a man (so beautiful) but I kept thinking does he have a prayer life, does he have a relationship with God. I want a man that honours God with his life

[@JaxMchunu]

Yoooo you came for LIVES with this 😅🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@osazegray9574]

What about people who've made bad decisions and feel stuck?

[@capricedawkins2290]

I wonder what Pastor keep looking at that has him smiling during this great message 😂 we see y’all …awesome perspective

[@youngodyssey16]

Even tho we are pushing this I want to say that some ppl didn’t go into their relationship with the romantic chemistry so they developed it and they are happy making million’s Like you said , it worked for them but might not work for you I hear more of ppl missing out on good ppl over their standards and years later crying about their kids without a father Or the struggle of picking a person who aint shhh with no short or long term plans I pray that all you bums don’t pick that good man or women ruining their life cause you ain’t shh too that’s why you attract them type of bums. they are a reflection of who you really are 😘

[@tdeishamiles845]

What about sex standards preferences? Is that in inmorral desire?

[@Rashaadthegr8]

I heard someone say if a woman doesn't even know what she wants to eat then how can she know what man she needs. lol. Just a joke don't kill me.

[@tanekabanks4682]

I love the transparency. I will share. Thx u for a now word!

[@niecysongz89]

All Pick Matters 🙇🏽‍♀️

[@angelasagapelove]

So good Pastor Daniels. Amen

[@lacreshiamiles7349]

Oh my God, you are absolutely correct!

[@DrLolaJohnston]

🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️😢😢😢😭😭😭

[@shan5986]

This got me soo many times thank God for deliverance

[@MrsB565]

FACTS!

[@slickwhitit74]

Yesss❤❤❤❤thank you sooo much!!

[@dianaflegal4495]

Your standards are you non negotiables! So good!