The Definitive Skyrim Jails Tier List

Our final viewer submitted quest this round involves visiting every Jail in Skyrim and ranking them from worst to best.
Links:
Follow the stream here - / joov
Main Channel: / joovyt
Twitter - / joovyt
#Joov #skyrim #elderscrolls
0:00 - Intro/Chatting
7:00 - I'm stubborn
27:26 - Whiterun
42:00 - Solitude
57:00 - Markarth
1:22:00 - Falkreath Fails
1:29:30 - Morthal
1:44:00 - Dawnstar
1:54:00 - The Chill
2:06:00 - Windhelm
2:15:00 - Riften
2:28:00 - Falkreath v2
2:36:00 - The Bulwark
2:44:24 - Preparing Tier List
2:55:00 - Final Tier Listing
3:03:00 - Bonus Stupid Challenge

[@regrettablemuffin9186]

Joov was doing a secret first quest called “can you find every cave west of whiterun before going to white river watch?”

[@camcooper8673]

nice cat muffin

[@Splifs420]

😂

[@elroyfaken1533]

OM.mmmm. Mmm🎉 m🎉mjjkjmhm 42:54n 😢m🎉m mm? Mmm🎉🎉m🎉🎉 mmnm ?🎉🎉m🎉 j mmn l. Mnmmm tm zondag mmm n🎉m🎉mllmn. U m​@@Splifs420

[@algomaone121]

Alternate VOD title: “Can you play Skyrim without leaving the area WEST of Whiterun?”

[@johnclark222]

The whiterun dungeon is actually a lot more dangerous as the guards can go down to the sewers to, they know about it - that's why there is a trapdoor in the barracks.

[@ac.creations]

It's bait so they can have some fun. It's jail bait lmao.

[@hottwunk420]

the cave location bit was so fun watching it live, but it only gets better with every additional watch

[@Colecruzin]

I love the gigachad dark elf on the desk can’t believe I didn’t notice it before lmaoo

[@TwoMenInACloset]

He's my favorite chad

[@m1j220]

I know right XD there is even a mod that adds it as a race present in Skyrim, it’s on nexus lol

[@Trephining]

Just imagine, if Ulfr the Blind had parents that didn't get tired so easily, he would have been the leader of the Stormcloak rebellion, famous, a jarl, yadda yadda. All they had to do was keep writing a couple more letters on his birth certificate, enduring the hand cramp for just a second or two.

[@chesterfieldmcfistycups2836]

You could go through with destroying Malyn Veran’s soul within Azura’s star and then rate that as your new prison. IMO, it’s the nicest prison in the game even though it’s the only one proven to cause insanity.

[@loganisanerd5566]

Just because you're immortal in there doesn't mean it would be very comfortable... Cold, jagged crystal and silence, no wonder he went mad.

[@Trephining]

no bed, no toilet, no lockpick, guards aren't very friendly I'm holding out for something better, lololol

[@celesteria16]

hey Joov! I'm currently writing my bachelor thesis and wanted to say thanks for keeping me sane with your streams and vods! I let them run while I'm working on it and it helps me keeping my focus! ❤

[@puissantcroissant3926]

same, i've just been binging him throughout my uni work and good luck!! i just finished writing mine about a month ago so i get your pain 😭

[@DietJoov]

CONGRATS!! Best of luck. You’ll crush it 🫡

[@sethstair4834]

Raven Rock is a 10/10. Jail was nicer than most houses lol

[@daymuntaku6590]

Morrowind clearly has different laws about prisoner's rights

[@sushijones]

When I watched the edited video, I thought "I could watch a whole movie of just this jail review." And lo and behold, three hours of uncut footage, which was delightful to watch. Thanks for the fun video!

[@chrismckay3868]

Cidhna Mine should be a split tier as it has two ways to get in, one escapeable and one you have to work off your time without glitching out. The rest are spot on more or less.

[@stephenpoppy498]

Being "wrong" as an expert and having your following "correct" you is an excellent way to keep your followers engaged and immersed in your videos. I am a huge fan of skyrim, and your videos lend depth to an already interesting experience. Kudos to you for all your hard work in following your dream and staying true to yourself.

[@aliciagreen5411]

"I could be wrong... but I - believe- I'm not *is wildly and proveably wrong*" - a statement that's applicable to the human condition at large

[@XXLPIakat]

I like how they let you keep all your gear when sent to the Chill.

[@daymuntaku6590]

really gives it a 'if you can get out you've earned it' feel

[@SimplyNotReally]

surely that reward chest from the bulwark will be paramount in the next solsthiem video

[@DietJoov]

Early on it should be a nice find, so long as I don't get cornered by the Ash Spawns down there. If the Ash Spawns are repeatable in that dungeon...it may make life easier

[@dariusdibben3438]

He was so confident.

[@erhmagerd]

I literally just got done watching the orphan challenge and was wondering when he'd upload this challenge when he mentioned it. Timing is perfect

[@leythis5084]

him refusing to admit that it was on the east is like "It may be hard to win an argument against a genius.. but it's impossible to win one against a moron."

[@TheVoid_Dweller]

It was, in fact, East.

[@DietJoov]

I’m not over it tbh

[@dorianshepard2841]

Joov has reached peak senility. So young, so sad

[@DietJoov]

Truly thought I was losing my mind when looking for Ulfr's Book

[@dorianshepard2841]

@@DietJoov at first I honestly thought you were memeing then realized "wait he actually has no idea where that cave is"

[@dr.JackieBright]

Joov's obstinate refusal to believe chat had me laughing. xD

[@Trephining]

Just realized I've never played where I tolerated any of the paths that send my character to jail, aside from the Cidnha Mine quest one, and that's different for obvious reasons. As soon as I owned a copy of the game myself, I instantly started save-scumming when I needed (no, wanted is the accuate word there) to pickpocket so I could guarantee "success" through the magic of Hollywood-style editing, or time travel. This video is making me want to play my next play through where I odn't necessarily try to go to jail, but don't try all that hard to avoid it either. One of the main reasons I've avoided starting with my third play through was once I figured out how valuable that Elven Bow is in the Companions quarters that you can steal from a display case at the very beginning. So I got in the habit of stealing that early and then wanting to avoid jail so it didn't get removed from my inventory. Now that I'm no longer as glued ot Archery as I was in the beginning, and definitely not to that partiular weapon until I level up to where same/better stuff spawns in chests, that habit can go in the trash.

[@madmasseur6422]

The bulwark is actually a better option than squatting in the abandoned building in Raven Rock, it's definitely a 9.9/10 when it's better than the houses of the poorest people in the city

[@East16]

i feel its massively ironic that "Diet" Joov is the Joov with more content

[@leandeon2202]

Its not ironic and actually makes perfect sense because diet products usually contain more ingredients in them than the non diet versions

[@East16]

@@leandeon2202 yeah thatd make sense if thats what diet meant. except soda gets it from the deffinition, not the other way around. Diet "restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight." "(of food or drink) with reduced fat or sugar content"

[@leandeon2202]

@@East16 it doesn’t matter if thsts what it means or not… diet productd have MORE ingredients this channel has more content. Whats not making sense?

[@East16]

@@leandeon2202 except that something doesn't have more ingredients and additives explicitly because it's diet, it's a side effect. so my thing of saying it's ironic stands, as it matches the actual definition. there was no need for you to counter the claim of irony

[@Trephining]

Question: Is it possible to reach the tunnels/catacombs/halls beneath the Whiterun jail via another path or entrance? Was just thinking that since the Dragonborn can jump from the tunnels back up into their cell, that if they wanted to, they could plan ahead and stash some items in the tunnels. Then if (when?) the Dragonborn gets sent to jail, go through the grate, obtain the pre-positioned items, and do whatever was planned with them. First thought was to stash a few lockpicks. I'm not a super-skilled lockpicker, so an Adept lock is definitely not a 1-lockpick situation for me every time. Lots of the time it isn't.

[@alyssawalker23]

Stands in the market of Whiterun, fast travels to Dragonreach 😂

[@Pixel-Lucas]

I rarely get to see the end of your vods, since I watch them before bed. But today I took a nap and woke up midway, after some weird dreams about The Chill 🥶

[@sethstair4834]

I think The Chill beats Riften, but the perspectives are completely different

[@duhbleyou2561]

So could you do oblivion jail reviews?

[@Techntion]

I thought your refusal was absolutely fucking hilarious lmao

[@DrMoffett]

"You'll have felt awfully silly" >He was the one who felt the silly of goosies Love you man.

[@muffin103]

Good to see a new vod joov, i play them quietly on my phone while i try to sleep

[@SirGeorgeScotland]

Really think these should each be their own smallish vid, but I loved these challenges. Was a lot of fun to watch.

[@kosho2994]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="119">1:59</a>:30 Always gets me. Asking where his stuff is WHILE HE IS HOLDING HIS WEAPON

[@Bethgael]

One of my Dragonborn blokes had Camilla choose Sven, then he took Sven as a follower and got him killed at level cap. Then he married Camilla. Sven is an arse, but the alternative was almost as bad. Also, I think Dawnstar is slightly better than you think. It is remarkably clean for a cell with no shit bucket. Obviously it was out for cleaning when you were there.

[@matthewsiepert7205]

Fell asleep to him ranking jails and woke up to him building a cheese house. Joov you are exceptionally fantastic and random as hell.

[@MrPirateBroadcast]

VOD channel supremacy

[@mrinsanity9482]

Love to see you interact with fans on all platforms

[@joshalmighty1901]

Who even watches the main channel anymore. Just do 2x the VODS.

[@rustyjones7908]

At first i thought he was just fucking with everyone, ngl. Props to joov for bring a good sport about it thought, was very entertaining.

[@LokiDFerret]

is this tier list for kinky purposes?

[@joshalmighty1901]

👀

[@chandgrit]

Most likely

[@ShrexyGuy]

Some people like red grapes, some white grapes. Joov and his audience apparently like prison grapes tho

[@alkaliwreck2474]

Any reason to not use the windows-organic snipping tool instead of an image converter?

[@shac0le]

This is exactly what i needed

[@kyle9401]

Joov, I just got an article on my phone from Gfinity about you and your stream. I found that recognition pretty awesome! Must mean you're doing something right! Keep the banger content coming.

[@seany.7283]

been chipping away at this vod- when you got to winterhold- zombieland direct line to my funnybone dropping chill puns and the cage i get , corpse free lmfao

[@nananamamana3591]

To this day, you've *never* dropped a joke more hard than "It's alright. All that cheese movement? Where it looks like it's moving on it's own? That's just _cheese_ physics. I'd explain it to you all, but you'd need a degree in mysticism."

[@dariusdibben3438]

The bulwark is nicer than most inns.

[@jessiee2115]

Honestly...best KZbinr apology.

[@koheletcalaforexclan6508]

Skyrim Prisons are great! Sometimes I get myself caught and just sit around, watching Tamriel Go by! I wonder if anyone’s waited out a full sentence? Wait, what is a sentence in Skyrim?

[@SimplyNotReally]

im not 100% sure how true this is but i remember reading somewhere years ago, that if you are trying to decorate your house with dropped objects, you have to drop everything you plan to use and drop a save and immediately load it to cause everything to glitch out and explode. once you save and reload the next time, everything should stay put.

[@madmasseur6422]

I've never seen the secret escape tunel in Riften, 7 years of playing this game and there's still stuff to discover...

[@daymuntaku6590]

I first found it by realizing I could go into the sewer grate emptying into the docks and just following it up stream

[@JPBM639]

I haven't played Skyrim in years and even I knew where the cave is.

[@linchubbard3711]

I fell asleep watching theology videos and hours later, over night I’m here 1 hour and 9 minutes in, video paused, cheers lad

[@icantfeelmylegs9329]

if i could recommend though maybe im wrong i believe sabre cat pelts are practically perfect for a roof for the cheese home

[@Nixter-Bean]

A house that would make the deadric prince of madness happy

[@Gooner694]

Joove u should do a breaking in to the jails of Skyrim holds tiers list

[@Taintlessdisc]

Bro spent all that time walking west with chat back seat gaming him and turns out chat was right ❤😂

[@dillpicklescentedsock5909]

hey joov i would just like to leave a comment saying thank you, i’ve been going through stuff- suffering with addiction, my mind is disassociating and it’s hard to keep in touch with reality, your content helps me keep myself grounded and also provides me a good laugh and you’re very entertaining.

[@Pixel-Lucas]

Fireplace and books? Send me to raven rock jail, I'll live there no problem

[@pariahmutt3589]

Ty Pennington’s mid-life crisis has come to an end for now.

[@SanalliteSapling]

I'm guessing that Joov didn't edit the Vidoe because that 22 minutes of Lost Boy footage is still on.

[@skanaraki2161]

He actually did it!

[@undrinkablesmoothie]

I've heard the term "Old Hand" before, but never heard "Old Head".

[@UnElk505]

Why did I know I would watch this just by the title?

[@codyglenn7231]

i can just see someone trying to make castle volkihar with cheese

[@cesarpereira1625]

I got really mad that you did not pick up the bread and the cheese from solitude jail

[@Trephining]

might try to remember to refer to cabbage as "escape lettuce" in the future In real life I mean.

[@matthewchandler7845]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="2867">47:47</a> Yeah I mean you can't SMASH in here....

[@davidkelling159]

With a larger bounty I feel like some of these scores would have changed. The exit for Solitude with 1000 bounty becomes a death trap if seen by the guards. Whiterun would be even worse without access to the underforge city exit which other citizens wouldn't have as it places you as far away from the city gates as possible when you get out

[@SanteeVermont]

Wait the jail location changes based on your bounty?!

[@vicepopeyeschicken6229]

Windhelm is s teir. Build with the blood , bones and tears of snow elfs.

[@LostInSynapses]

Sheogorath would be proud

[@XXLPIakat]

I see the video title and then the time, wondering how a Tier list of Skyrim Jails can take 3 hours. But at the same time my ADHD brain is goin to watch it ANYWAY.

[@J.T.G.]

Definitely some tommy Wright i kreep at night antics

[@TwoMenInACloset]

Can you play skyrim but only play in the mid western part maybe eat some cheese curds

[@DietJoov]

Maybe shovel some snow or drink Busch Latte?

[@turtlelordowo2694]

marrow wind or oblivon for next challange if not i challange u to bb only run ik mitten did it but i want to see u do it in survials

[@thebruzdog]

Am I crazy or did joov actually upload this as a video on main channel

[@DietJoov]

It's on the main channel toward the end of "Attempting Skyrim's Dumbest 'Quests'"

[@SickAndMeanSAM]

@@DietJoovoh my god i was going insane over trying to find that video thank you

[@vicepopeyeschicken6229]

When is the mod to adopt all the children in skrim

[@dunsmdul68]

i think that orc strongholds have prisons too, i coud be wrong though

[@daymuntaku6590]

I think your only options are to pay in blood or gold

[@1Noa1]

Cheese house Sheogorath eat your heart out

[@s8nbbg899]

i’m so sad, i missed the stream :(

[@Charles-hm5zj]

filthy Twitch milkdrinker this is vod channel turf we don't take kindly to your folk in these parts ( jk ily all, ty for inspiring Joov live for us

[@s8nbbg899]

LOL

[@cloudyvulpine]

i cant watch the first part of stream because i get so frustrated with joov refusing to check east

[@ToroFox]

I'm sorry to say this but, the Jarls are suing you for libel.

[@DietJoov]

I'll represent myself in court

[@mattdasqrl]

I could have sworn it was west to

[@chandgrit]

Seemed like it dragged on for you but seems like it was fun for a majority of it, tried to come up with a middle ground length challenge compared to like the house of junk challenge and a beat Skyrim doing some certain rule.

[@myneckjusbroke3301]

dont forget ravenrock

[@turtlelordowo2694]

thank uuuuu

[@soarvivalist]

Bro! You should post some deep rock galactic on your channel! Rock and Stone bruda!⛏️

[@HarryAHall]

How did bro make this 4 hours 😭

[@roachbt3323]

Joov you should do a fallout new vegas run where you kill all of the mini bosses (mother deathclaw, alpha, legendary) you get the idea it would be a long a difficult one

[@Bigpest1090]

Look at your most recent video joov I have you a challenge that I don’t think you could do.

[@joshalmighty1901]

I NEVER WANT TO SEE A Mrkarth region LOCK!!! NEVER!!!!!!!

[@SaikyoDinosaur]

Bro, I saw that title and was like "Oh yeah that's a fun idea for a short little video" and then I saw the runtime and was like "WHAT THE FUCK"

[@nicholaswatson999]

Joov you are a typical Northeastern and I accept your apology about making me cringe and how you wouldn't listen

[@longpinkytoes]

that lightmode though. use google sheets dark theme next time?

[@johnclark222]

Bragging rights?

[@eetuthereindeer6671]

It was soo cringy to look at you go to the wrong direction when going for ulfr the blind! Like I wish I could just shout at you throught the screen even thought this already happened and you recorded it in advance But no way you first of all didn't know where it was and then re😊fused to listen to chat telling you what was the right way Also where did that emoji come from, I did not mean to put an emoji there

[@LanceSmith-cx7xe]

I Hate Markarth 🥹

[@mikemikemikemikemikemeup]

If you haven’t already thought of this, I feel like it would be a good idea to take these long videos and cut them down. You can upload these long ones here. But you could also cut it down into a shorter video to get double the content out of it. And if you don’t have time to cut them down, maybe you could find an editor that could do it for you. I feel like you’re kind of losing out on viewers because some people aren’t going to be willing to watch a four hour video.

[@DietJoov]

My main channel, which is just ‘Joov’ is where all of my edited videos are. This channel exists for just livestream reuploads if people miss streams or want to skip around

[@bannedthricelol8799]

bro reinvented joov's main channel

[@t.mitchellb2766]

It's infuriating watching him be wrong for an hour. Cognitive dissonance like his is why we still have Christians in this world.