Dismantling the EXCUSES that enable narcissists

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November 1-3, 2024
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@Cammi-Cat-XIII]

AND they had a rough childhood…ostensibly. Narcissists always had a harder life than everyone else, according to them.

[@prismpyre7653]

It is often true, to be fair- and it's important to know because if they had a good childhood and loving parents etc and you still see malignant narcissistic behavior- then I think that *greatly* increases the odds you're dealing with a psychopath and you can take the appropriate precautions.

[@Cammi-Cat-XIII]

@@prismpyre7653 yes, that’s true as well!

[@jackiep5009]

What I find I interesting is how Golden Child became the Narc and leans into Narc Mom - and was the only one to have kids and abuses the older ones in the exact same way-

[@jordanmartin8458]

The worst Narcs i know had the worst childhoods of anyone i know and its not even close. And they're my family.

[@janicehill-es1br]

Always fantastic advice Doctor Ramani, thank you. Of course you've taken a phycology course and you've most likely chosen this profession because of some experiences of your own . So nice of you to help the world 😊

[@youngblood8540]

Narcissists don't love you the way you love them, they only love what you can do for them.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

That pretty much sums it up. I do believe we are just another thing or object to them for manipulation

[@prismpyre7653]

Unless you're related to them, because when you're a child you can feel real love emanating from a parent sometimes, but it takes time and discernment to understand that the love isn't actually for *you* per se; but moreso a fictional character that looks and sounds like you and is the ideal extension of your parent's own ego and/or vehicle for their entitlement and unfulfilled ambitions.

[@WithAnEss]

​@prismpyre7653 thank you for the insightful explanation.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@prismpyre7653 my father was one he treated my brothers as more of an extension of himself. I know he despised females.

[@derrick4096]

@@prismpyre7653 Not true. I have a son who was primarily raised by his narc mom. When I got him, it was too late. By 14 years old he was a full blown narc and threw around "I love you" like candy, but never treated me like he loved me. It got to the point where the words from him were a trigger. It was just like Dr. Ramani explained, manipulation.

[@VioletOne88]

Yes, i hung my hat on "i love u". That was PERFECT when u said "the words are not an ERASER"! 🔥🔥🔥And, "The cruelty outweighs the 'i love u'". Also, "i treat u like shit but ..." We end up "MINIMIZING" their bad behavior. 🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯©️

[@geraldfriend256]

This. Right. Here. I heard an anecdote about some dv shtt and the perp said” i luv u” right after hitting his significant other and I’m all ha! Just like sis after psychological abuse, expecting that magic bullet to make me stop asking why she was suddenly cruel… nope. First off did not believe her. And wasn’t about to echo what I wasn’t feeling EyeLuvYouToo oh HELL no. And whether or not she actually does or doesn’t love me is just one more thing to argue about… or one less thing to fight about since no contact began.

[@NarcSurvivor]

EVERY abuser has an excuse. They can justify anything. But that doesn’t make it right. They justify the abuse with their feelings, rather than with logic or reasoning. They abuse because they’re dysregulated. They have an inability to regulate their own emotions.

[@maxsupernova]

All these excuses lead to the same question from me: So what? So ****ING WHAT? Why do people insist on excusing the narcissist? That makes my blood boil.

[@geraldfriend256]

Saying what they’re conditioned to say,and they have never experienced or studied it. Give up on them validating you and find yourself happier.

[@janetamplin7318]

Sometimes. Even after. 14yrs happly divorced......I get. SO SO ANGRY. By recognising the BETRAYAL of the past........which I do in private........cos I'M safe to be ME ❤😮

[@Rut-vi7iz]

It's wonderful to be understood. I was married to the perfect husband when he was in public. And to this day, my family still thinks I lost the perfect man. Nevermind he was on Ashley Madison and privately eroded my validity. Oh well, I have finally started to move on and heal. ❤

[@wildhorses6817]

Yep, my ex on Ashley Madison, personal ads on foreign craigslist and started Affair with her, traveled to foreign Countries. Took ALL monies and lives in foreign Country. They are EVIL. He sent emails to AP many times writing I LOVE YOU. After I filed for divorce, then he conveniently loved me again. Then the Rages, etc Started again. EVIL EVIL EVIL

[@turnbacktime65]

Good for you. Who cares what people who didn’t really “see” him think? 😊❤

[@kdycruz]

Yeap, words = manipulation. Thanks for sharing, peace and blessings to everyone 🙏

[@t_nels]

So true, they only say it when they are happy.

[@wildhorses6817]

And, they are NEVER Happy. They may have had some Supply.

[@dawnemile7499]

When someone says they love me without any lead up I mistrust them and I don't say it in return.

[@benjamin734]

❤ U Mrs, DR. Ramani

[@monicadonnelly5501]

My ex-husband would get very angry, saying that I always invited other families or people to spend time with us and I would try to explain to him that this is the only time he was nice to me and our sons. This would just anger him and he would deny it of course. And then the rage and silent treatment would begin again

[@jackiep5009]

These are the exact same excuses domestic violence abusers use too. “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft who has worked with abusers knows iT’S HOW HE THINKS ABOUT YOU!!

[@TeacherMom80]

@@jackiep5009 Lundy Bancrofts books are a Godsend & most are on Audible!

[@kathy-annhart2632]

It's so sad. 😢 I do feel like we live in a world where many words have lost meaning. When words aren't reflected in truth/action then why bother saying them.

[@normavelez2888]

What’s love got to do with it ?

[@maxsupernova]

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?

[@VioletOne88]

" ... it's a SECOND HAND emotion."🔥🎶🔥🎶🔥

[@sharicoburn5475]

I think when you talk about the people who are argumentative with you those people are just stupid trolls who really just find it funny to get a rise out of us. There is something really really wrong with these people.

[@anitah3258]

I thought mothers love their children. How was I supposed to know that's not love? It all started clicking a little late (50 year old woman)

[@CantaLAnima]

Exactly this... well said. So happy for you that finally, you can start to heal and begin to discover your true self by deconstructing your childhood ❤

[@AlonzoJ-pf4dt]

Dr ❤

[@vickicooper2558]

I believe my husband is a narcissist. He isn’t abusive but does threaten to harm himself if I upset him. He lies constantly, he blames me for his hurt and upset and has behaved appallingly but claims he loves me and if I love him I will let it go. When I try to raise something that happened because of his behaviour,l that has caused me trauma, he says it happened to him, not me and that I should not talk about it. Is he a narcissist? I want out. But I can’t afford to go it alone. I beee to talk to someone who really understands narcissists and talk about what’s happened

[@dezboi]

Whether they are actually and technically a narcissist is irrelevant. How their behavior makes you feel is what matters. And if they won't address it -- however they respond -- you deserve better.

[@vickicooper2558]

@@dezboi thank you for the reply. I want a better life for my daughter and I and don’t want her to grow up thinking this is how a relationship should be. I’m just trying to make a plan to get away.

[@sjsmith4053]

Can an ADHD person be narcissistic when in a rage but not when they are ok? I'm still very confused by my son its. ? Bitty I'm trying to see what's what.....in a crisis he's like superman but its brief....I just can't tell

[@youngblood8540]

A lot of people have the same traumatic back story. Most say the world hurt me, I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. The ones who become narcissists say, the world hurt me, so now I'm going to hurt everyone. It's how you choose to deal with the pain.

[@BL-sd2qw]

No. Narcissists literally say the first one. That's why they get so defensive. They take pride on being different from their abusers, so when you call them out on acting like them, instead of introspecting, they take it as a personal attack, as you judging them, and so they react by either fleeing or fighting.

[@nandelars6411]

@youngblood8540, ExActly!

[@floraridaswoboda]

You know a narcissist is lying when they open their mouths.

[@newearthangel]

Not all narcissists had troubled childhoods. My narcissistic father was, in his words, "a spoiled brat" as a child. He hasn't changed a bit.

[@JanetMitchell-y8i]

The narc has always claimed that he had a wonderful childhood with fairy tale parents. I think not. My question is does his delusional mind really believe this or is this a superficial cover up to being invalidated and/or the love was conditional.

[@newearthangel]

@@JanetMitchell-y8i possibly selective memory, but possibly he was the golden child like my dad.

[@Orquet-qj2nf]

My narcissist had a troubled childhood. That he caused himself. 🙄 That has really interesting implications.

[@Orquet-qj2nf]

​@@JanetMitchell-y8iThat also has interesting implications.

[@SoulSeeker2025]

"I love you" is not a magic eraser when there's abusive behavior. Which do you listen to? How much maltreatment do you need to endure, to hear the perfect words? Being told someone "loves you" does not erase the criticism, the devaluing, angry raging. Most people would trade the words for consistently normal, respectful behavior. They'd rather be seen, then told: "I love you."

[@heleneisotta4288]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani!❤ for helping so many people, myself included. Abuse is abuse.

[@sushmayen]

Their love words are just words. We can't believe them. Don't know when they'll start yelling and causing heartbreak

[@DuragAllDay]

It took me several years to be comfortable enough to tell my close friends I love them. This was the result of years of consistency that led to trust and comfort. In retrospect, having a new person declare we're "best friends" and that they love me only months after meeting should've set off alarm bells.

[@Orquet-qj2nf]

Heh. Someone decided that I am now their best friend. After talking with me for four hours. They are a super toxic person. Well-meaning, but predictably toxic. They've been ghosting me week after week. I decide not to text one week and bam, we simply must hang out. I didn't want to see them tonight, so I texted again and sure enough, they ghosted. Just like I hoped for. Time to lay down some law because I'm done with them doing that. I'm going to tell them that if they want to hang out, they'll have to text.

[@DuragAllDay]

@@Orquet-qj2nf Sorry to hear you're dealing with that. Establish and maintain firm boundaries.

[@Rufinelle]

"I will change" cost me another year of my life after I had already started packing my things. Afterwards life was bearable for a while but then I found emails (yea, that was before smartphones were a thing) where he complained to another woman how tedious, boring and generally horrible life with me was. This was the last straw, I booked a flight to visit my family and left with two suitcases. Told him the next day on the phone that I would not come back. My stomach still twists when I think about the nasty things he told and wrote to me the next couple of weeks. Things like I needed to watch my back for the rest of my life. Thank god there was an ocean between us. I would have probably caved again had I talked to him before leaving. Moving on is hard.

[@kendrausack1985]

Good for you to finally get the hell out of there!! That was tough!! I hope you are taking good care of yourself now.💋💋🥰🥰😘😘👍👍👍❤️🐉💙💙🌈🌈😎😎

[@GregMunro]

Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.

[@GregMunro]

I'm keen on meeting the counselor you're talking about. What steps should I take?

[@GregMunro]

Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive

[@darrellbunger724]

I get it man except the situation is reverse to me. I'm the one who had to leave my wife because I could no longer live with myself accepting the abuse and I could no longer live with myself not doing anything about it. 😢 It's literally the worst feeling, almost 3 weeks into the separation and still getting manipulated into coming back now and having to fight it. The important part is that you FIGHT it. Whether it's you or her you have to fight it. Otherwise it's just going to go right back into the same old routine of them stomping on our feelings as if they didn't exist at all. Dr Ramani stresses on this in the video, too soon is bad. Does it hurt like hell, yeah. Does it maybe even feel cruel, yeah. It's just what just be done, or neither of you can heal and either reunite or move on, whichever it may be for you. Best of wishes.

[@lindac6919]

Maybe SHE was frustrated, miserable, and depressed before she left you. That's abrupt, but it was true in my marriage. Then AFTER I left, he cried and begged...but he didn't do anything to change and stop being a narcissist. So why would I go back?

[@pseudopuppy160]

You miss the 'fix' she gave you. She chose to leave. Respect her enough to leave her alone. Because your "i need you, i love you, i'm nothing without you" is LITERALLY what this video is discussing - & LITERALLY what is described when a narcissistic abuser tries to manipulate someone. She has made her choice very clear. Everything else you've described has literally nothing to do with her... or any other human

[@poojamalhotra5093]

I think when they get really old they also play the old age sick card.

[@amarbyrd2520]

Can confirm - as daughter of elder NParents. I think Shakespeare called it the "tyranny of the weak".

[@serenagorski6497]

This is what had me so confused and kept me stuck in a marriage with a narcissistic husband. …it took a very long time to realize he meant NONE of it and it was always about control and feeding his ego.

[@Fishsticks007]

Watch Actions over believing words. I am so gladly single now! 3 strikes they’re out.

[@TouchdownJesusMB]

One for me! 🤣 I no longer wrestle with pigs...

[@Strufalitox]

has long has it taken for you to start feeling better after leaving?

[@destinvrai1862]

11:58 - this is my SO. When he has an audience, he's the best dad and husband. But behind closed doors though... Completely different monster.

[@saturdayschild8535]

Did I write this? He always saw the full trash can when we had visitors.

[@Strufalitox]

do you think that people would support you if you were to leave? or would they keep believe him?

[@Strufalitox]

I am so tired of being in this situation honestly, I have no idea how others found the strength to leave. I probably promised myself that I would leave hundreds of time and every time I failed. The only time I confronted him about him secretly going on holiday overseas with someone else (on my birthday, and even though i have been asking him to travel together for months), he got angry, kept lying and insulted me...But when i showed him evidence of his trip from his passport, he started beating me up, i didn't even have the willpower to defend myself. As i was about to escape, he started crying while hugging and kissing me and told me he loved me....like an idiot i ended up apologizing for "creating drama". I was left numb for the next couple of days. it makes no sense. I really admire people who managed to leave and recover despite being married and/or having children.

[@sharicoburn5475]

It took me 22 years to leave, And my husband for our 20th year anniversary took a trip with his friends from high school without me instead of us taking a trip together for that second honeymoon that he had been promising me for 15 years. Don't beat yourself up. You have reasons for still being there and I understand how hard it is to give up on them.

[@mollykayramstack6193]

That is physical abuse! That is domestic abuse! Next time call the damn police, have him arrested and THAT will buy you time to get out with your kids! 💖🙏💖

[@sharicoburn5475]

@@mollykayramstack6193 I would not wait for next time when they are in the act of violence and you try to call the police they can harm you even more and also they will lie and tell the police that you hit them first this happened to me and I was arrested and spent the night in jail even though I did nothing to him. It is better to call the hotline and get help to get out now. In fact I would like to add that one of the most dangerous calls that police can go on are domestic violence calls they often will try to kill you and themselves and the police so please don't do that

[@maevebutler4641]

@ strufalifox I blamed myself for the domestic violence too, and it's so wrong it was & is never our fault , we justify & rationalise the horrendous violence Someday you will find the courage to maybe go to a nearby women's fefuge for battered women, you will find all the support you need there to apply for a safety order through the justice system You are in my prayers & stay safe

[@wildhorses6817]

Keep a journal and write down dates and times of every mean, abusive act, travels, lies, etc etc. One day when it is ok you will leave to protect the children. I was married to ex 35 years. 💜

[@s.h.1223]

Indeed, it's like the child who suddenly butters you up and you hug them and laugh gently and find yourself saying: uh huh, what do you want?

[@saturdayschild8535]

Exactly.

[@caralee2617]

The confusion you experience while with a covert narcissist is indescribable. I've had boyfriends that were abusive but it's just so different. CN are so convincing that not only will the things they do break your heart but it completely throws u off because it's something u can't even picture them doing. If that makes sense. They make u believe they are a certain kind of person not capable of doing the things that your ex's did or what would hurt u most. That's what's so confusing then they blame u somehow because it's always your fault. I have been with a covert narcissist for 10yrs. No matter how many times I have been through the cycle or seen him rage I still can't picture it when he is love bombing me. Its the craziest thing. I guess everyone is different but for me the constant state of confusion is the absolute worst and most abusive part. But there are plenty other ways they abuse their partners… Withholding and silent treatment. You feel like your going to explode inside. Mine does this so I freak out and then he can blame me for the argument. Physically abusive. When a CN feels trapped they will do anything they can to regain that power and control. Or take something from you what u won't give them. Sexually abusive. Blaming u for watching porn, sex shaming u, withholding sex, having sex with u while your asleep. Blaming you for everything. Blaming you for having to blame you! Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

You sound like you know exactly what he is doing to you. Yes he’s intentionally confusing you too. It’s so hard not to over react or react to these bullies ! I just relived all that chaotic😢 stress reading your post.

[@fighttheevilrobots3417]

I made it clear at the beginning of every relationship that corn is a trauma trigger for me. If you need it in your life, then we can't be in a relationship, and I wish you the best. Yet every time they lie and say, I don't need corn. Then I find them hiding it and lying to me about it. If I call them on it then I'm the bad jealous woman who is "controlling". Like, dude I set the boundary from the start, you broke that boundary. That's wrong.

[@sharicoburn5475]

Dang it's too bad you ended it with spam. Reported

[@sharicoburn5475]

It's so damaging to them their brains to the people they claim to love, and to the poor victims being sex trafficked in the industry. If people can watch other people and know they are probably in a place in their life where they are forced to have to do this for a living they lack empathy and therefore are probably narcissistic​@@fighttheevilrobots3417

[@janetamplin7318]

Your divorced from x. And a FRIEND says to YOU. ...you know your wrong about your X..he's soo nice and help...his new wife soo much......I don't reply just look at them hunch my shoulders. All time time thing most foul thought for now x girlfriend😂❤

[@donovangray4246]

It reminds me of my experiences with others of the "Gen X" generation that I am a part of. Others use the rough childhood as an excuse to not treat their kids or grandkids with any sort of compassion. Using their parents bad treatment as a great example of parenting as if the new parenting style that science has proven works best is "soft". Why people continue to think being hard on others (and themselves) is something to be proud of? I tell people who believe that their children would be horrible if they didn't use corporal punishment, that the only reason they believe this, is because it was something they were convinced to believe when they were a child and had no other choice but to believe whatever nonsense the parent needed them to believe because it benefitted the parent. When we are young children we always believe what we are told and will continue to believe it even with evidence to the contrary, because to believe anything else would make their parent wrong and their ego cannot tolerate the idea that they were actually lied to by their own parent.

[@tonyanavarro1502]

Thank you I needed this today

[@kennethlapointesongwriter3330]

On an unrelated subject a few months ago it was a big realization to me that...anyone can SAY anything. It's a hard, cold fact. But by their ACTIONS you shall know them Narcs, sociopaths, psychopaths use words to sound/appear benign, nice, good, etc. because they are clever and good at acting. For most people words and actions ARE trustworthy and genuine. But not narcs.

[@VioletOne88]

🔥🔥🔥 This is so TRUE ~ i love how u have stated that Narcissists use their adversity in Childhood as a CRUTCH or EXCUSE is just that, an EXCUSE. MOST of us have had an eaually "difficult" Childhood yet we (the healthy ones) DON'T LASH OUT AT OTHER PEOPLE!!! WE still show up for Life each day, trying our best & DO NOT LASH OUT at others in cruel, vicious, VINDICTIVE ways!" 💥It IS A CHOICE.💥Period. 🙌🏼💯💯💥💥💥🥇🥇🥇©️

[@VioletOne88]

AMEN! You are BRILLIANT Dr. Ramani ~ "Committing to GENUINELY changing, to 'be better' because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO - NOT just saying they'll change strictly "TO WIN" 💥💥💥BOOOOOOM! 💥💯💯💯🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼©️

[@JoeB1985x]

You're one of my favorite people in the whole world for taking this stuff on! WOW! Just got notification Dr. Civility is live with team healthy. Thanks for tolerating me not having your new book yet!

[@JoeB1985x]

You're still my favorite if you ever decide to take up a different interest!

[@s.h.1223]

Lol that's right by golly - if you don't like what you're watching then DON'T WATCH! It's such a simple thing. So here's a thought... if what Dr. Ramani talks about enrages you, you might be a narcissist... here's your sign... if you don't like what I've written, you might be a narcissist... here's your mirror .... okay so now I recognize this is my safe way of "poking the bear". Thank you Dr. Ramani for providing this outlet - whew! I feel soooo much better!

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

😂

[@sharicoburn5475]

Yes!! Those who argue with Dr Ramani are just antagonistic either narcs or enabling flying monkeys.

[@kryssysmith1486]

The 'I love yous' they say daily really mean, 'I love you, but I also love what you do for me.' Enduring this abuse so often has left me jaded in many way.

[@geraldfriend256]

Translation :when they say it what they mean is” I love the way you make me feel about myself but only until you don’t fill that void 24/7”

[@kryssysmith1486]

@@geraldfriend256 Touché, that’s a very good point. Sadly, I can relate to this. Until you stop being their supply, they just drain your energy. I once called someone an energy vampire, and they didn’t even know what I was talking about or think it was real. I had to tell them, 'If you don’t believe me, Google it.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Spot on.

[@khadraLuula]

I love it when you get upset on all of our behalfs❤ it makes me laugh and also feel like I’m being protected for the first time. Thank you so much You give me courage and I speak that way in my head lately, now I know where that’s coming from 😂 So much love 💗

[@darkcloudrider359]

My vulnerable narc is only psychopathic when she is angry.

[@lt827]

Narcissists are people who say what you want to hear but don't do what you want them to do. I used to tell my ex that his actions spoke so loudly that I could not hear what he was saying.

[@Jay-ql4gp]

The guy at twelve minutes is my mother. Everyone thinks she's wonderful. And can't but wonder why I have nothing to do with her. And my younger brother and sister enable all of it.

[@turnbacktime65]

I believe you. Totally. I had a mom just like that.❤

[@dezboi]

While it may be tragic what has happened to make a narcissist into what they are, the bottom line is that you don't deserve the abuse, no matter what excuses they throw at you.

[@kellyp4377]

Insightful. Thank you!

[@stephenmillerbattleoftrent7568]

I wonder how Dr. Ramani would describe schizotypal personally; I believe it would be humorous and educational.

[@lindac6919]

Actions speak louder than words. And actions are the result of motivations and intentions.

[@yukio_saito]

Well said.

[@lindac6919]

@@yukio_saito 🌸🌸🌸

[@pantheraleo1694]

Is the enabler are flying monkey or something like that?

[@geraldfriend256]

Exactly

[@pantheraleo1694]

@@geraldfriend256 Thank you!

[@Lesliesez]

My husband stopped talking to me for a week. It was wonderful i didn't have any complaining, criticism nor coaching (telling me how to do things i already know how to do) for a whole week. 👍

[@turnbacktime65]

Sounds like a wonderful vacation to me. ❤😂

[@TR-nv3if]

Yep all so true.. a few neighbors and friends think hes the greatest, they love him! Hes suxh a great guy! Mr smooth ( if I told them the truths they wouldn't believe me or theyd make excuses..they'd thinkI was the disordered one( i think some already think i have the problem because im still with him( due to finances snd his cancer) its hard when you see them do the smooth act and everyone gushes at their feet and 1/2 hr later he's back to AH with you( no one's looking)

[@calmkarma1]

This is so useful at this point in my life. I am so done with the promises and future faking, I've decided that I'm the one to take the first step and take legal steps to divorce my husband after 20 years. This is especially important that I make the move first as even that, he will want to be the first to reject me, in the hopes that I would be devastated. My first step to jealjng is taking back my power and not letting life happen to me but creating the life I deserve. Thank you Dr. Ramani, you've been indispensable and a guiding light in the darkness when I've been lost. ❤

[@dodosmamma1692]

Once I realised that there was a name for the way my ex husband treated me, it was kind of liberating. I wasn’t crazy, I’m not demanding for expecting communication, openness, mutual respect and appreciation etc. It hurt, because I realised that my marriage to a covert narcissist was a terminal condition and my only hope was to leave. I’m doing the work thanks to your channel and I’m growing more and more indifferent towards him and his toxic @rse. What I wasn’t prepared for was the backlash from others who thought the sun shone from every orifice of his and I was called ungrateful and many hurtful words. Those people became his flying monkeys and they still impact on my life. How can I and others like me deal with these issues? In many ways, the flying monkeys are worse than my narcissistic ex.

[@erockfreedom6399]

I had a rough childhood too. And the trauma manifestations runs deep as an adult in my early 40s. I had two BAD parents (have; they're in their 80s). But I don't run around hurtimg people. I'm telling you, some people should not be allowed to have children.

[@wordswords2094]

Actually, after they have been so Narc-ey for so long, any attempt they make to "be a better person" looks so dumb and pathetic. It isn't sincere but they think they look so sincere. Just run away...fast.

[@remarkable937]

He would say all the time about what he said to other people "It's only words, doesn't mean anything." But according to him the words he said to me "meant a lot." Which I learned after too long a time, also meant nothing.

[@nandelars6411]

And leave it to the codependent, enabling sibling to make excuses for the narcissistic parent to make you feel bad about setting boundaries for your own sanity. 🤔

[@bridgettetraveler658]

My ex-husband used to constantly say he would change. I always laughed in his face. I didn't waste time hoping he would change. He was a useless nutcase & that's how he lived his life until he died in a nursing home. He told me after we were married that he had children all across America he never took care of. But when he died he was alone. No one wanted anything to do with him!!!

[@MargaretHerman-nt9sm]

My sister claimed for decades my father shut the piano keyboard on her fingers because she wasn’t playing Classical-music Come to find out, he worked 3rd shift and my sister refused to stay quiet when he was sleeping. He didn’t slam her fingers, he got up, slowly closed the piano and went back to bed. My father is still vilified over this event. My sister is a Nun and a sexuality abusive bully, she started abusing me at 5. Guess who my family believes?

[@janetamplin7318]

The nun that got a badass habit😅❤

[@Victoria-c4n]

Truly believe they had a rough childhood; so did I, with the same parents!

[@t_nels]

They hold that grandiose fantasy of their parents even though they know their entitlement was egregious and hurtful.

[@AlonzoJ-pf4dt]

Fact

[@Karma-zx8qe]

Piss off ads every 5 minutes

[@daniellesomerfield8799]

I'm very good at keeping where the blame remains. Lies cause demonic strongholds in people's minds, that's why God hates liars. There are six things that LORD JEHOVAH hates, and his soul has despised a seventh: 17Lofty eyes and the false tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18The heart that makes plans of depravity and feet that hasten to run to evil, 19A false witness who speaks lies and deception among brothers. Prov. 6:16-19 Aramaic A lying tongue hates the truth and the malicious mouth works trouble. Prov. 26:28 Aramaic

[@benniecampbell3973]

Yeah I wasted thirty five years with narcissists because I heard “I love you!” or “We love you!” while suffering from narcissistic abuse!!! Yeah I got played and they robbed me out of money, time, energy and effort for a solid thirty five years!!!

[@janetamplin7318]

❤ 😂 yep..no money now. No visitors 😂

[@aryanhoushmand2042]

Hi Mme Ramani, Could you upload a video in which you Interview the empath personality type? Cordialement

[@PenninkJacob]

Narcissism = difficult… (simplest possible answer) …👍❤❤❤ thank you!

[@basantidevi2305]

What happens if they had a good childhood?

[@geraldfriend256]

Yeah being spoiled can have the same outcome

[@LSMH528Hz]

@@geraldfriend256 Probably turns into the grandiose sadistic narcissist instead of the covert type.

[@lambinwolfsclothing]

whack ass decoder ring ... perfect

[@nkitkat1879]

Thank you Dr Ramani. Your insightful and clear experience is inspirational. All you say is so simple to understand. Your empathy and experiential knowledge that you share feels like very safe guidance that reaches so many people.. I am forever grateful ❤

[@susanamonteiro3000]

🙏✌️❤️⚘️

[@larshesthaven5828]

A narc is an empty zombie with no conversation skills and with no true love whatsoever ...narcs have been abused, beaten, screamed at and traumatised from early on in life and growing up learning how to put on a fake mask to fool other people to get their supply for survival

[@Snivebyram]

❤❤❤

[@LCtravelntures]

Mmh strange women get their doors open but main woman doors slammed on her 😢

[@suzybancroft1498]

Your so clever. Thank you so much. I cant stop thinking about mental flexibility being the best bermoeter for good mental health ... such a great tip 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@Orquet-qj2nf]

My narcissistic husband bragged about his dad, but also accidentally painted his dad as a delicate princess who quit his well-paying job and plunged his family into poverty because his feelings got a boo-boo.

[@moniqueteal7153]

This is a great perspective video ... thanks Dr. Ramani for always trying new angles for us to grasp !!!

[@roxy7255]

I find it interesting how some people in these relationships have excuse after excuse to keep appeasing a narcissist who abuses, gaslights (and says I love you) but if someone is overtly rude to them and obviously triggers their ego they stand up for themselves. Yet a narcissist who abuses them covertly they never stand up them.

[@steveanhiron6764]

Is it possible that being able to give love to someone is part of the issue ? Attachment , hey ?Oh well , back to the garden , so not anymore , for I am going walkabout ( should take two years to get around Australia -alone ) my quick fix. Many thanks Dr your efforts are fruitful .

[@GreerILuvMerica]

My husband was always the hero, the pleaser, the funny guy around an audience. He could turn around on a dime and become a monster. I learned he could only behave for a day or so. If people were around long enough he couldn’t keep the monster hidden.

[@TeacherMom80]

The cycling between the good days & the bad days was mentally & emotionally disabling for years. I invested all of my time in trying to fix something that was never mine to fix. Now, here I am...18 years married. 12 years were beautiful. And then everything became a slow downward spiral to hell... He takes no responsibility for the terrible ways in which he greats ne, yet plays victim all the time, while sitting after work & on the weekends for hours, while I fall apart nearly working myself to death trying to lut the pieces of kur lives back together. Now, I go into an automatic disassociated state when his behavior behind to change. Its SO lonely.

[@Farvie8]

Oh my goodness! You could be describing my ex-husband! He was exactly like this when there was an audience. As soon as there wasn't, I was left to carry everything, bring the fussing kids in, deal with EVERYTHING. I could go on and on.

[@fadiel-turk5654]

Please talk about Netanyahu which is the greatest narcissist in our time. It’s upsetting what’s been going on for a year now.

[@JustNath2024]

Guess different sides of one coin, the heads turn out to be beating up on others, while the tail turns out to be beating up on ourselves.....🧐 Thank you again dr Ramani ❣️ ✨️⚓️💞🐛💝🙏💝🦋⚓️💞✨️

[@KayleenStiles-vm9ry]

Yep my narcissist always promised to quit drinking. He was an alcoholic. But he was lying, his lips were moving! Oh, mine did a 180 to the real hidden person he always was! Whiplash, rollercoaster, gaslighting! Dialect, cadence, gait all changed. Scary as hell!

[@Naiaworship]

Even better, start with their crappy childhood, add a 'but' and then describe their crappy behaviour - You had a horrid childhood, but now you're entitled, verbally abusive, and angry. That's what I do now. I sometimes even add 'you had a horrid childhood - and it's a tragedy that the people who were supposed to protect you didn't - but you're entitled, verbally abusive, and angry NOW. And we don't deserve that from you. And yes, we're separated now.

[@c.gibbons-spackman8166]

Her pattern of narcissistic behaviour & actions scared me in the beginning. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all of these videos.

[@prueaddy-z3r]

Enablers and flying monkeys keep the cult running. My born into family is heartbreaking for me because of this. Creating a family from my many walks in life to fill those cracks from cult crazies is finally happening because of your work. It’s so intense to get out of. Layers outside, then inside me to face the cruelty I once had no room to hold. I do now. Life IS GETTING BETTER.

[@rhoneeairina3487]

They will victimize over a conflict they start and blame it on you.They won't take accountability for their words and actions.They can look straight in your eyes and tell you with no remorse that isn't true what they did or said . Then they'll call you crazy and that you just make up things.

[@JasmynWrate]

what about when they are so insistant on the need for me to change?

[@danadhorn]

My marriage was full of love. So i was told.. concluding every call and message, preceding every step out the door. Even when the words didn't match, or maybe especially when they didn't match the emotions of the situations, the compulsory "love you," was there to be leveraged. Don't say it and you're the problem. Do say it and see, there's no problem. Love to him had no meaning beyond what everyone else believed. When I left after 15 years the truth was painful. Repetition exposure was effective brainwashing. Family and friends believed with unwavering conviction that he was, and always had been, the most loving, for they had witnessed it for years. They heard us say "love you" so many times. They attached the qualities that fit their definition of love. Then, swore those qualities were present in abundance as much and as often as the empty utterance.

[@SapphireZeev36]

It’s ironic when the narcissist tries to justify their behavior because it was mostly verbal and psychological and not physical. As if that gets them a reward

[@ClickTrain]

I would love it if you would post the names of the individual episodes in these compilations. 🙂

[@stefaniweiss2077]

I really like your blouse and I am so grateful for you. 😊You are brilliant and gifted and so reliably helpful.

[@JustNath2024]

And most narcs àre actually able to regulate their behaviour, but they only choose to do so when it's convenient or important to them, for example when or with someone they need something from. In case they already hooked you, they won't see any need to regulate and just let themselves go and have their way with you....😢

[@LolaAileenVanslette]

There's nothing worse than the guilt and the questions that eat at you when you are the one ending it. I've had several leave me, but I made two leave. The first was a sociopath, so I had him taken out by the police (and spent eleven years paying for it - then he died). But this one, I just had enough of his entitlement, gaslighting, and financial bankruptcy he caused me.

[@karenlester2556]

I have known a man for 8 years now and I have watched his mental and physical health destroyed he stayed with her for 15 years she died but when she said jump he ran to do whatever to keep her from humility him 😢 the trama he endured!!! his brother told me ( she fu**** him up)💀☠️

[@colleenyoungs5098]

You look so beautiful Dr. Ramani