Divorced Dad’s: You Need To Stop Doing This

[@NormallikePeter]

Very helpful wisdom. Being present is impossible when frozen by grief. Self healing takes time. The devastating shock is so intense. Walk away wife is beyond core shattering. Heal for the kids. Heal for yourself. Find love again.

[@ashtonhokanson1381]

I just can’t hold it together a lot of the time I’m around my kids. I weep. Because I can’t be there with them every day, I feel like I failed in the worst way possible.

[@AdamGosselin-zw9dg]

Thank you! You are a godsend! 34 years and 2 daughters before she left for her affair partner. It hurts beyond belief!!

[@Jennyfenty-n1b]

Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.

[@Adakataba]

It's difficult to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.

[@Jennyfenty-n1b]

great, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?

[@Adakataba]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Adakataba]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@Jennyfenty-n1b]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

[@chaneymcdonnell5567]

I love and listen when you make videos. Thank you for them and thank you for being a life saver to me personally. ❤

[@CallsItLikeISeizeIts]

That’s BS, kids need both parents fir best outcome. Single parent homes are the most devastating construct in modern society. Single parent home means they don’t get the other half of development and lessons from the dad. They only get half the deck, so they on,y half prepared for life. Same if reversed. No kid ever forgot the traumatic moment one parent left for good, ever. Being present day to day is the most important thing, addressing things as they arise in the moment, not a social visit every 2 weeks. Selfish moms assisted by the courts. You see this in the poor hoods , no dad, no discipline, no education, teen parents, no jobs and on and on. Who raise the kids? Who do they follow? The closet dominant male role model, aka the corner criminal drug dealer. Proven 1000% every day in da hood, but also all across the nation in every neighborhood, single kids worse off because of selfish moms.

[@JasonFromm-j6r]

Exactly,, its statistically proven,,, and common sense

[@fearless7424]

My wife of 18 years of marriage left me and my 3 kids. My son of 15 is having a hard time with this he was with me when we caught her with another guy. He couldn’t believe what his mom did. He doesn’t have any thing to do with her to this day he is disappointed with her.

[@bernieeod57]

My ex met some guy on line, filed, and boarded a plane across the country to "Live happily ever after". She convinced the kids to come out and live with her. In spite of the court ordered visitation schedule, they refuse to visit. I am told "Mom found her happiness! You are no longer needed!" I let them go. My child support obligations end in 10 months.

[@mahmoudhassan5047]

What about when you have an ex who constantly sabotages your state of mind. At a place now where unfortunately this sounds surreal.

[@johnryan3374]

I appreciate your opinion, but I have to disagree. Children need both of their parents time AND attention on a consistent-basis. Leaving the father out of their childhood is a detrimental to their growth, well-being and other important factors in their childhood and teen years. The mother cannot fully replace the father, period.

[@chrismanlapaz7456]

Thank you

[@DadCore]

I work in a large county jail. Guess what most of the offenders have in common with each other? Single parent households, typically single mother. I ask this all the time.

[@hman2912]

Thanks for the reminder.

[@naveedrehman2987]

This is why you should NOT make women your everything. You should as a man be able to live along time alone from everyone and everything!!!!

[@michaelwhite6614]

Within reason. It's nice to spend time with sisters and mum, if you have them. Dinner out with my sister is just like being on a date, with the benefit of no expectation or drama. Easy as.

[@daviddoan9447]

Absolutely this. Although I completely agree with being there for your child no matter how little time that you have, if the other (could be the mother, grandparents, anyone) person that has majority of the time with the child(ren) do not be a parent, or a father figure or have discipline that a father would, it would be just like having a single parent home that heavy influence negativity on the child. You must be calm, collective, and do what is best for the child, but do not let the divorce or separation break you, try to think clearly and focus on yourself and become even better than you are currently. Learn to have peace in being alone.

[@markcollins1012]

I appreciate the video and the topic. I'm not sure if I agree completely. My mother left my father, and I've never fully recovered from that. I have had various anxiety disorders in my life. My mother checked out and was very depressed. She went through several decades of therapy for intense trauma. My Dad had an aspergers-like personality; he never talked about emotions. My wife left me. I have done a ton of work to learn how to be present in my life, including going to therapy, support groups and much, much more. And now my oldest child is trans. My youngest was in therapy for anger issues. I show up for my kids. I have learned to show up for myself. I'm more emotionally intelligent than my wife ever was. But it still feels like the family life is a train riding off the rails. I'm lonely and it is hard not to feel resentment towards all women. They all leave . . . but I have accepted that this is their nature (I understand how this sounds, but it is an honest thought and feeling). I'm a bit more grounded than this post comes across, but I wanted to express it and give a bit of pushback.

[@Brent-z2s]

Before my parents divorce i noticed they would argue in public and a noticed this in other couples before they divorced

[@peterhendriks8013]

Kids are important but just as in a plane: put your own oxygen mask on first. Also this talk treats men as women. We're not the same and men are no incomplete women. That anger and rage can be right in some cases. My wife with whom I have 3 kids (2, 3, 7) Cheated on me 6 years ago after we had our first. We talked about it extensively and it would never happen again. Then when getting the other two she worked her head off to become a medical specialist. We talked a lot. Mainly about her insecurities and my faults. I did most of the days with the kids. 6 months ago she told me she got feelings for another dad who she met on a school camp. We talked about it calmly and she told me that she wanted to 'find things out' with that man. I told her that I could not handle while still in a relationship. Then she told me what she missed and what I needed to change. I started working like mad and listeng to her. Then 2 times I found out that she went ahead with the guy. Each time I was angry. Also with kids present. I told her that she had to choose. She told me she wanted to choose me. I told her that then If I would find out again, his next stop would be the hospital. I arranged a meeting witht the guy and we talked. He (by own initiative) apologized and 'gave me his word as a man' that it would stop. Then one night she wanted to go to the movies alone. I asked her if she was seeing him and she replied: 'no it's over'. That eve I went to the cinema and saw them in the lobby together. I went in, called him and when he looked beat him up completely. In trying to separate us she received a blow to unfortunately. I sat on top of him and asked him about the worth of is 'word as a man'. Then I got up, wished then the best and turned myself in at a local police station. 24 hours later I was released. No charges whatsover. Whe are now in divorce and are still talking normally and taking care of the kids but she respects me now way more. The dude flees the school as soon as he sees me every day. I haven't regretted my fight response for a single day.

[@urbanart7325]

Evidently I am one of the few men who asked for divorce.After years of giving, paying, supporting without intimacy I had enough

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Making that decision is incredibly difficult. How are you doing now? Do you have some good support in your own healing?

[@ShanePresleyC]

She's not justifying courts cutting father's out of their children's lives!! She is saying don't sabotage the little precious time you have with your child by being consumed with anger towards your ex and circumstances beyond your control. Be present and emotionally available and your kids will connect with you and their chance of coming out of this better, not completely unscathed, but better than if you do not follow this advice increases exponentially. What she is describing is exactly what child abusers exploit when grooming children. Kids are starved for empathy, compassion, direction and if you have time with them, use that time to give that to them or they will seek it somewhere else or just shutdown emotionally.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Thank you for your thoughtful and perceptive comment! You’ve highlighted such an important truth-children thrive on empathy, compassion, and emotional connection, especially during times of upheaval like divorce. Being present and emotionally available isn’t just about showing up physically; it’s about showing them they matter, no matter the circumstances. When parents can provide this kind of stability, it helps children build resilience and prevents them from seeking that connection in unhealthy ways or shutting down emotionally. It's a gift you give not just to them but to their future selves. If you’re looking for more tools and strategies to strengthen your bond with your children and manage the challenges of co-parenting, I invite you to join my free masterclass. It’s packed with actionable insights to help you navigate this journey with confidence and clarity. Register here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/optin1671910386839

[@ShanePresleyC]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Thank you Rachael, I took the masterclass last night during my sleepless time. Very good stuff. On children's resiliency, I have a theory, I am curious to get your thoughts... I think children are naturally resilient. Think about St Jude cancer patients, amazing stories of children with abnormalities and physical challenges, children who have survived unimaginable abuse, horrible, terrible stories and children adapted, survived and in many cases escaped but in fewer cases overcame emotionally. The resiliency is there in our nature but is sustained through meaningful, emotional connections. The entrapments of modern life can rob relationships of that critical sustenance (and I think you have made that point clearly) and the resiliency that was there, that we are all born with, withers and dies on the vine. Your thoughts?

[@Kootenay613]

If mothers were the ones losing custody everyone would be saying we should care about the suffering it causes them. But it is fathers who lose custody, and we don't care about suffering caused to men. This is why we need to make shared custody the legal standard.

[@Yodastwin]

Don’t waste your time on this video. Just another example of the wife/mother getting absolved of her role and the blame falling on the husband/dad. Furthermore, the emotions of the husband/dad are downplayed.

[@jb5313]

Then why is it the child's future looks 3times better with the Father as the custodial parent than when the wife is? My ex constantly use our son against me!

[@gettingschooled3094]

I mentioned this as well. She doesn't understand or accept that ex wives can alienate their kids from dad.

[@PhilaniNgcongo]

Please help me i am a 29 year old young going through divource u am in so much pain i have 2 kids daughters with her

[@jb5313]

@user-kt2tc3lh3p my ex left less than a year after we adopted a 4 day old boy. I almost killed myself. Found out my ex had been screwing a guy around the block. That was almost 30 years ago and I'm now retired and married a absolutely beautiful woman over 25 years ago. I was very weary of her when we first started dating just because of how every guy would look at her when she entered a room. She knew I had trust issues and she proved to me every second of everyday I could trust her. Even today after all these years her girl friends are jealous of our relationship. If my wife is out with the girls she will call me just to tell me she loves me.

[@ted2136]

What should divorced dads not do?

[@406whiteboy]

Men should get primarily custody. The statistics prove men are far better parents by a long shot. Not one good statistics on mothers with primary custody. Look it up.

[@JasonFromm-j6r]

If the wife only left for her feelings,,, when the husband wanted to fix it,,, and loves her,,, its her selfishness putting herself in front of the kids,,,

[@JasonFromm-j6r]

Let me add, to clarify,,, no cheating and abuse involved

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

How are you coping with all of this, Jason? Do you have a good support system around you? The injustice, selfishness and impact on the kids can be overwhelming. A lot of my clients are overwhelmed by a feeling of helplessness, because they see the impacts on everyone and they can't change it or fix it no matter how badly they want to. If that's where you are, you'll find my free masterclass really helpful. It gives you the tools you need to get off the emotional rollercoaster yourself and be fully present for your kids so that you can minimize the impact on yourself and on them. You have more power in this than you may realize. You can watch the masterclass here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register

[@williereed508]

This crap is painful and hurts 😅

[@stephenzygiel5266]

How is someone consistently emotionally available when they only see the kid on holidays or a few times a year? Those two concepts dont jive.

[@andrewbiondo1412]

You say kids need one adult in their life, let’s see how many single mothers are out there and kids turn out horrible, tons and tons. So maybe instead of kids staying with the mother who destroyed the family and knows nothing but how to destroy, men should start being given custody of the children and not the person who destroys the family.

[@ronmexico8383]

Boys are 30 times more likely to end up in prison if raised by a single mom. This “guru” glosses over that cuz she’s a woman

[@marguskiis7711]

A father can act as well as possible but it does not matter, damage is done. Women usually divorce due their menopause and the kids usually are teenagers and get hit.

[@Brent-z2s]

A lot happen after 7 years when oxytocin wears off. Also when the oldest child turns 12 the state allows children to be by themselves after school

[@gettingschooled3094]

You're assuming every male wants his ex back, which is crazy. Further to that you must not have any concept of parental alienation. The safe connecting moments with your child are eroded by the alienating parent.

[@ShanePresleyC]

I am sorry for your struggles, I am going through my own and it is hard. I don't think she is denying the possibility of alienation or the deleterious effects of it. She is addressing a very specific group of men who have time with their children but are becoming so consumed with statistics and anger over things that they cannot control that they are missing real and valuable opportunities to connect with their children in crucial ways that can have a real impact on their development. Kids are very observant and resilient. They can accept circumstances beyond their control and they can overcome that but they need that calm, guiding presence. This connection is what your children will draw from long after you are dead and dust *if* you can get past your anger while you are alive and breathing