Do We Have A Choice In Suffering?

In this Question and Answer sample, Kim Eng reveals how suffering becomes an obstacle to true connection.
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Eckhart Tolle is widely recognized as one of the most original and inspiring spiritual teachers of our time. He travels and teaches throughout the world.
Eckhart is not aligned with any particular religion or tradition, but excludes none. His profound yet simple and practical teachings have helped thousands of people find inner peace, healing and greater fulfillment in their lives. At the core of his teachings lies the transformation of individual and collective human consciousness - a global spiritual awakening.
Eckhart Tolle is the author of The Power of Now, a #1 New York Times Bestseller, which has been translated into 32 languages and become one of the most influential spiritual books of our time.
In his most recent book, A New Earth, he shows how transcending our ego-based state of consciousness is not only essential to personal happiness, but also the key to ending conflict and suffering throughout the world.

[@sherylpeters5063]

I was at Asilomar when this question was asked. What is not shown is that right after Kim finished speaking to this man, a young man (probably close to his son's age) came up to give the questioner a big hug. For the rest of the conference, this man in the video was always surrounded by people hugging and talking to him, where he had been previously seated alone. It was one of the loveliest times of the week.

[@escargot1535]

What a beautiful person, a beautiful father .

[@missmerbella]

Seeing him cry made me cry. I wish I could hug him.

[@samkurz]

I lost my only son and can understand the depth of his grief. After years of griefing, I just beginning to feel the space that she is talking about. For me a life long journey.

[@tma4444]

I just stumbled across this and it brought me to tears because I lost my daughter in 2015 from lymphoma. She was 31. I needed to hear this.

[@mddermy]

Watching this I remember when my Dad died so suddenly 2 yrs ago. On one hand I felt such immense pain, while on the other hand this intense love and joy that I couldn't express as I didn't understand. This all makes sense now. Thank you.

[@malcolm5969]

that emptiness that left behind can be so powerful. Its just matter of seeing it as when we go beyond that attachment, personality of that person. see them as just who they are as kim mentioned ''essence''. I can relate to it more intensely. My sister killed herself and i think i have found my peace with it and i should help my parents and my brother see it that way. Suffering has already served it's purpose and i am at peace. I can remember her and see her pictures without crying and see her as beautiful soul she was.

[@lovelight6973]

Cried my butt off during this video. My mother died 8 years ago suddenly. Still can't believe it. Doesn't feel like 8 years. ❤️😭

[@michaelhenry111]

This is the first time I've listened to Kim after many years of listening to her husband. She's great:)

[@mamahappyness6569]

Thanks Kim for a very profound answer to the question. Lots of love. You n Eckhart are a great gift to the world.

[@felipeblin8616]

The key is that we probably consider a betrayal to stop suffering for the ones we lost but we can tell ourself that we might remember and honor them through love and pure joy in all the beautiful moments we spent together. So when you remember them again tell yourself how wonderful was to meet you in my life and smile 🙏🏻🙂❤

[@VanessaDiazNYC]

This was really beautiful and heart warming. Sending the dad love and peace because his son would like to see him like that. 💓🙏🏼

[@nicolareddwooddforest4481]

This is a powerful video. Thank you dearly. Dogs are equally conscious, present, and deserving of the same respect as humans are. When Samantha our former Great Dane died in 2007 her energy was still there right next to us on the hiking trails, this was so amazing, there was no void, it was like going hiking with her together. She was there to give us comfort. My husband, a total atheist, listened to me urging him to hold her in his arms at the vet when she died, he was so glad that he did that.

[@nyinyi0101]

It gave me a lesson how to detach ourselves...my father passed away 30 years ago and I still have his form body...memories are still with me like yesterday or this moment..keep trying..acceptance and stillness/emptiness..Thanks for this wonderful video clip....

[@wongcheukkwan]

All beings will pass away one day. Unfortunately, people tend to be cold to each other, and don't treasure relationships when their friends/parents/children/relatives are still alive. They don't treasure the "present" relationships. Once they find that the other beings pass away, they feel sorrowful and suffer from their sorrow. This is a natural response resulting from "loss". However, if they can treat the others better, such as the family members and friends show care more explicitly, the situation would be different. In case one passes away, those alive would feel less sorrowful. Their "presence in this universe" would not disappear despite the passing away of their forms. My parents passed away one by one when they got very old, and I felt very sad indeed. But now their spirits and teachings always hang over my mind, and I thank them for educating me so well. I don't suffer from sorrow any more as long as I remember their presence.

[@kantermon]

Very soothing, she is really the perfect form match for Eckhart :).

[@susanchagalian8334]

I've been searching for people who've experienced sudden loss of a child. This was perfect for me to hear what was being said. I also saw her leaving.

[@kimtia1091]

At a time in my life I needed to see and hear this I shed a tear for this dear man 💔❤

[@xtremekajaker]

Is empathy a foreign word to you? Kim Eng provided him mental help as far as I can judge from the video! Better help than the pharmaceutical pill-industry is ever able to provide!

[@Kathy-s5r]

This video nearly made me cry.....So touching🌷

[@missstef196]

Her voice is so soothing! I love listening to this video.

[@karayama100]

Words are sometimes weak and useless to cover the void of missing a dear one, sometimes we have to go through hell, the abyss of life is too vast for the mind and any consolence, the pain of the father is more real then her words

[@lolitamorris2943]

What a beautiful father. Un padre muy amoroso y tierno Cuando dijo que su hijo era su mejor amigo.

[@jenaebeck2873]

Amazing this is. Because of love and death. We can learn so much ❤

[@elsloonstra]

A very touching, consoling, wise life (and death) lesson. When we are going to argue, you are missing the essence. It has nothing to do with descriptions of God or whatever. Just listen and open yourself.

[@akakonoha]

What a beautiful person. What a beautiful story 🙏🏽

[@nancymariebauer8235]

THANKX KIM.....I wish I could afford more of you and Eckhardts teachings.....so clear and concise.

[@joseg1787]

I'm amazed that she speaks to my soul better than Eckhart.

[@gkbhai8962]

she is an elder now. Very beautiful and profound. thank you.

[@twelvestepcorky]

This brought me to tears.

[@Simon0]

i havent lost many people close to me in my life even though i am 35 now! one thing i know i will find very hard is when my mum dies. It already makes me very sad now just thinking about it.

[@colleendeane7888]

This is a special spiritual moment in our lives

[@edw927]

Yea. I get it. I lost my dad when I was a child. I thought if I ever stopped suffering that would mean I didn't love my daddy.

[@johannapauldeninfinitivehe2942]

She is utterly beautiful!! 💗

[@ajtlim]

I feel the peace from her energu

[@ajtlim]

That must be a awesome church you know of then.

[@Travelwithdon80]

If anyone want to learn more & more about suffering & how to end that ......learn Buddhism

[@lihong9389]

So beautiful. So enlightening

[@teranaaa]

She's great!

[@Beatriz-lj2td]

is ok ...suffer for a while..he need a big hugg..so sorry..I feel his pain..

[@makstod6903]

♡♡much love to all,including this wonderful man

[@wesdowty79]

We suffer because of lack of knowledge and desire for things we dont need that cause chemical or hormonal imbalances. If you figure that out, you will instantly come back into balance and end your needless suffering.

[@joemctaggart3920]

rough rooster to suffer is to be seperate then fear arises then the mind of sense based perceptions and memory the root of sufferring is fear and seperation

[@avalovelaces5536]

😉

[@therocknrollcook]

This is brilliant

[@bspeiser]

Thank you Kim.

[@timlewis954]

My friend Bill!! I love u and I miss u!!!

[@freshair3451]

So beautiful...So true.

[@tangelaford4680]

I love her!

[@marijamaricic9133]

Beautiful 💕✨!!

[@zthetha]

This guy's suffering because he misses the way his son allowed him to feel - happy and loving. As long as we depend on another to make us feel good we will suffer. Love is not something we get - it's something we give.

[@Lovesalluneed]

Love is something that one is.

[@atlpimpc4000]

This was moving. Thanks for sharing.

[@leeflee4403]

lovely

[@reemowais3085]

Excuse me how can an Almighty God be in uncapable creatures like u but then peace and this energy is gift spirituality created by God

[@altynbalyk1]

Absolutely agree with you, gkbhai! Very profound message.

[@lowlfi11]

The most beautiful video ❤

[@dustinlotus2297]

We all have a similar essence, but not the same exact essence. That part of what she said did not feel true.

[@ms7HD]

Lotus Dustin Same source , individual experience

[@00great226]

funny how the people start most of the time their speech by being in the ego "thank you so much for what your teachings have done to me..."

[@travelanddo]

I wouldn't see this as an indication of Ego. It is simply an expression of gratidute or in other words a sharing of a feeling (being grateful). Humans are allowed to express their feelings, as this is the only thing they know for sure. They just don't know how to express them in a non violent way sometimes. I would humbly suggest some some reading on NVC. It is a simple method I have found very useful and enlightening for my life and I therefore share it.

[@leonardor.c.4049]

Traveland Do Where can I find NVC?

[@dan1201fol]

beautiful. thank you

[@juguiller]

Thank you so much..!

[@alanshteynberg8313]

Will to Power

[@friendlyoursful]

where is eckhart, why he's not in this video?

[@MoonlightNothing]

Accept

[@RavinderSingh-ie1ki]

Tks Mam

[@julienathalie7768]

Everything is a part of The Whole. NO matter where we stand, we all are 'elements' of The Whole, I am You & You are me because each of us is The Whole & The Whole is 'born' from The Original Creation of the very First Source of Living Conscience & The Whole Still Belongs to It.! Everything returns to its original source, ALL The Whole will also be brought to Its Original Source some day.! The concept of 'ennemy' is an illusion because each one of us is THE Whole & THE Whole is each one of us, it is Impossible for THE Whole to be is own enemy Because THE Whole Is ONE, No matter where each of us stands in it, we are The Whole & The Whole is ONE.! Only through the 'form' the illusion of enemy can subsist.! Out of forms, this concept is inexistant.! Only through forms erroneous perceptions & false concepts' can 'exist'.!

[@charlesgosselin3579]

Sorry but she doesn't feel real like Tolle

[@ems8717]

Charles Gosselin because she talk from the mind. with eckhart it's the universe talking tru him

[@joemctaggart3920]

Charles Gosselin tolle talks from the brain mind the universe does not speak thru him there is no shakti force radiating thru him whatsoever he has studied krishnamurti and others to gain a comprehension in the mind however he is not God realised if he was truat me he wont be saying things as hr does

[@arete7884]

that was most retarded grammar ever, and Eckhart is far better than Krish , he is pure connection to being very little mind, u can sense compansion even trough a device

[@cheryzheng]

She teaches more from an intellectual point of view. There are many like her out there but only ONE Eckhart.

[@bigsuz]

Alan Dabagh cunning? Would you apply that to a man? What a clear projection. I'm a Korean woman and I should be hating on her. I feel the opposite. She's sure of herself and that reads as egotistical at first, because it's so unusual to see.

[@halariaanderson8094]

I always wonder can my mom & dad see me & my sons.Are they able to protect us from death ? I wonder why when they passed away,seems like my siblings and the world turned against me ?

[@NemeanLion-]

I’m not 100% sold yet on everyone and everything being one. Maybe I’ll feel different one day.

[@sebastianvalle]

I hope she is herself most of the time.

[@coolwater55]

Losing a father is not like losing a child no matter what age. We have God inside us - but even God says one must grieve, there is a time for everything. Grief has a parameter, and eventually does subside or transform into dull aches, then one breathes fresh air and feels alive - one day. It is good to find a space to separate one day from bereavement, but it is not easily explained the loss of a child - if one has never bore a child. IMHO.

[@hoppetosse8]

thank you :-)

[@TheVera123456]

Her name is Eckhart Tolle.

[@hippyamigo3]

She is an elder of what? She doesn't explain anything clearly like Edkhart he and his son are the same essence of what she talks around in circles? One with what? And his essence and his sons essence are one? One with what? This explains nothing? Mumbo, jumbo.

[@MsInvisiblelight]

I agree, and I would also add, she seems insincere... inauthentic.

[@matthewstocks4435]

Think about what you are - deeply. Not what ur name or job or hobbies are. Strip all that away. What are you left with? Pure conscious awareness - a silent still witnessing presence in front of which all life unfolds. That same presence exists in every other sentient being on this Earth. And in essence it is the same, it is just inhabiting different life forms. It’s actially not that abstract or out there to grasp - it’s so easy and simple and obvious that it gets overlooked.

[@cwangdenzongpa2078]

were is ekhart

[@Octavus5]

Probably naval gazing in the now.

[@BananaBug]

as soon as i finished watching this I looked at my minifigure alarm clock and, he was dead. after alltheas years i was like, woa. and i transended into the space that was left behind from his empty batries.

[@aaron2709]

Can't have a 'choice' without free will.

[@SuperFilipman]

All thing must pass so the lifestream can last ;)

[@joanjettboy]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@superbreastman]

It seems easy for whom has arrived to touch the essence but I don't know if I will ever manage to get to such a supreme point... I suffer so badly and it's so hard to let go in order to find the essence she teaches us. It's a long and difficult journey.

[@romanhp142]

How she know all that ??

[@nieves571]

she learn from Eckhart she is his life partner

[@mementomori8685]

Who is this lady?

[@MrBC90]

+DongRyul Kim Eckhart's partner

[@Octavus5]

Tolle's Asian girlfriend.

[@alfredovindiola6364]

Nice story! Poor old man, you put him in a story. Story doesn’t exist! Not know!!

[@marshastinnett1297]

so sad :(

[@hippyamigo3]

An elder of what? She doesn't explain it well like Edkhart Tolle, she talks around in circles, how are you and your sons essence one? Even though the form dies. She speaks mumbo jumbo.

[@wonderbet2714]

She sounds fake and intellectual, the only thing She should Say is that this emotional pain is inevitable and loss is a part of human life here on this planet. Thats how we grow, through challenges, pain, suffering. The only help for this man is to develop openness to this loss, to stop feeling helpless to this pain and identify with it all the time. I also went through it, it was not my son but my brother, but as it seems i had so close a relationship with him as this old man with his son. 2 years of suffering and in this openness this pain started to diminish as i started letting go of identification with it. The problem with this Woman is that its like She reads something from the book, not from presence and wisdom. Eckhart is not comparable with anyone

[@saraholliffe235]

wonder bet I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought she sounded fake. I was actually uncomfortable watching her and her awful advise to this man where she basically compared the death of her dog to the death of his son.

[@sandral7441]

[@jamescontactyelena]

The worse thing is to justify the suffering! Pain body can be worse than anything too... she's fake.

[@DonQuixote1187]

There is no evidence that we are one consciousness. Also to say you don't have to suffer is absurd. You will certainly suffer whether you want to or not.

[@comogamesghtr]

+Gus Palomino haha

[@Katchatiger]

+Gus Palomino If we are not one consciousness, how can you know if another will suffer? You alone cannot. It is through consciousness that we recognize another's suffering. What other evidence could there be?

[@DonQuixote1187]

madamekatarina Recognizing someone's suffering does not mean we ARE that person.

[@Katchatiger]

I never said you ARE that person...but if all are one consciousness living in seperate body's with seperate experience it stands to reason that all share aspects of their human existence empathy being one of them. To be empathic means you can feel or percieve anothers feelings whatever they may be. Perhaps some are closed off to this feeling sense either deliberately or by trauma of some kind. Still as a massage therapist who is intuitive I stand by my statement. So we are of one consciousness having individual experiences and individual minds nevertheless with an inate ability to connect on that same conscious level each to his own ability. This is not something that can really be explained intellectually however, science may never be able to explain this but yet I have personal experience and knowledge of this. You may feel free to disagree. We are all ok with that.

[@DonQuixote1187]

You are claiming we are ONE consciousness. There is no evidence for that. End of story. Now this does not mean it can't be true, but you can't just make stuff up.

[@robdandapani9303]

Sorry but I don't get a good feeling from that woman. Looks and sounds like she is in pain herself. She is nothing like Eckhart Tolle.

[@4gnostic]

So Eckhard became a woman? That's what I call ego denial :-)

[@AsheetBull]

I love this woman. She has such deep compassion in her spirit. Very beautiful.

[@rosegathoni5394]

I feel so sad for this person who lost his son. I feel his pain deeply.

[@mjccmc82]

why ? You don't know him personally ? Not being sarcastic. Curious.

[@ozgursenturk11-11]

There is no such a word "LOST"

[@goldensprite3373]

@rose empathy probably 🙂

[@johnnywlittle]

Just love what you do Kim and how you bring an additional depth and beauty to Eckhart's teachings. Then again, I guess they're your own and now ours too. ;-)

[@corpuscallosum4677]

There is a more touching Buddha story : after losing her only son at old age, one old lady went to lament about her deep suffering and asked Buddha to revive her son with his power. Buddha gave her a handful of mustard seeds and told her to knock on each door of the village and if she encountered one family with no death occurred, then Buddha would grant her wish. She came back discouraged and gave Buddha back all the seeds. Then Buddha taught her the four noble truths about suffering in this "Desire Realm" and ways to lessen it. There are degrees of suffering too. To lose an aged father/dog is not comparable to losing your growing offspring, the pain is just not the same. He did go through the modern grieving stages and after 5 years is still palpitating, makes you want to hug him. What Kim's personal example sounded more preachy and almost like fantasizing, especially I can't feel the compassion but intellectualization. Pain is un-deniable and sometimes saying " I can't fathom.." is more genuine and compassionate.

[@grzegorzbugajak6248]

Exactly. Just conceptualization

[@eduardamarques5614]

How beautiful. Lovely gentle creature. His son and him are the same consciousness. The suffering was keeping them separate from each other. "The attachment to the form is keeping us away from God, from all that there is." Thank you.

[@BorutPeterlinPhotography]

Beautiful. I love how the situation evolved. From awkward beginning, feeling distressed (also Kim) and then some sort of synergy appeared allowing peace to flow in. Beautiful situation, beautiful video!

[@lewisalmeida3495]

This is a real joy listening to Kim as she communicates and clarifies the direction towards God and the idea of letting go of our attachment to suffering.. LivingSpinoza

[@Mark467]

As much as I like this women (and Eckhart) I must disagree on a point. (In my experience) the pain body - assuming it is too large - can be reduced and eventually eliminated by catharsis. *I would like to note here that using eckhart's method of presents, compassion, and humor, one can usually avoid creating or absorbing a pain body all together.* You can feel your pain body existing in you through neurotic holding patterns (Wilhelm Reich) and simply by watching (and feeling) the way your face sits when you are in deep emotional stress. I would not recommend, beyond a certain point, trying to understand and more importantly resolve or release the pain body *intellectually*. This is counter intuitive. Osho's Dynamic Meditation, the Maori Haka, and talking to someone who cares about you deeply that you trust and allowing yourself to get angry, frustrated, and cry, are very powerful and healthy means of releasing (the) pain (body). There are no wrong emotions *in the moment*. What wants to come out should be allowed to come out. If we find though, that our forms of expression are only causing more pain, that is where a teacher comes in.. Let's continue the conversation. There is no need to suffer alone anymore. We are here.

[@MissNickkieJ]

This video is truly a blessing in my life. I am currently balling my eyes out from all the joy I am feeling. Thank you for sharing this.

[@dfcr83]

What a strong wonderful man, bless him. Bless all of us.

[@robertstar8517]

Excellent - complete Truth. Anyone that can become aware of this detachment to the illusion of the physical form, will go a long way in the spiritual evolution and consequently lead a far more balanced life. Wishing you all love, humbleness and light.

[@malabuha]

In just few words, one sentence Kim deliverered light, liberation from suffering to that kind man. Awe inspiring truly... the light flowing in those words you can see on the man's face as he was receptive: that smile and huge gratitude..i could feel it in my bones as i watched it. Truly amazing. Truly wonderful

[@BradRobboPlus]

had to pause (for a second time) at 3:36 That is/was some powerful powerful powerful stuff. A flood of emotion overcame me just (before) there I feel Wonderful video thanks for sharing