Do you remember wanting, what you now have? | I was, I am, and I will be influenced...!?

[@pamelajezek677]

“Do you remember when you wanted what you have now?” Gold.

[@greyspaniard]

Deep cut!

[@Lemonrollcake]

I feel like getting one pair of 500$ pants, even as a gift, sets a precedent for buying 500$ pants. Unless the purchase is a huge regret, I would be very likely to spend that much again and again, once that barrier is broken. Even though 50$ pants were fine before.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I think that's part of the reason I'm even at the point of contemplating $500 pants, to be honest. The barrier for a single item above $500 has yet to be broken and has only been approached by a winter coat, and maybe a purse got close. I can even logically admit that it's ridiculous, but honestly, I do still want the pants! I don't think I will not be okay with cheaper pairs of pants, price is very much not a factor in my "favorite" clothes, some of my favorites are under-$10 thrifted items and will remain so no matter what the most expensive items in my wardrobe are. But, I don't want to have an ever-expanding ceiling of acceptable price point, if anything I'd like to lower the idea of what I'm willing to spend on clothes in general. After having some discussions in comments here this has opened a much bigger can of worms that I'm super interested in exploring, about the narratives that exist that get some of us to feel "okay" with purchasing more and more expensive stuff and kind of create this division in my own mind - the part that wants the pants, and the part that says "that's not a logical decision, don't do it!"

[@palkramona]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear I would be curious to see if you can explore the reasons why you want those specific pants. Maybe if you get to the bottom of it you'll realize that you don't really need them. I mean they are just a pair of jeans. For me it makes absolutely no sense to spend that much money on it if they are not made to measure, for example, or ethically made from upcycled material from a small maker, etc. Spending that much money on a pair of tailored jeans would be different for me. Because those are made to fit my body and that is what I pay for. But what do these specific jeans have that others don't? I'm genuinely curious. :)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

@@palkramona it is on my "filming list" - I think this is a super interesting conversation actually, about how/why some people buy "designer items" or otherwise expensive items, and others don't, the narratives that we are told about what is "worth the money" or why we buy certain things! Fit is indeed a part of why I want these specific jeans - not that they'll fit my body, per se, but there is a sculptural element to the design and a kind of looseness to the fit that I haven't seen in other examples. Whether they're actually long enough is another important factor, as someone who sometimes has a hard time finding inseams that aren't "just" too short, that is worth paying a little more for, for me. Not $500 more, but it is a factor. I also do know that I absolutely don't need them, and the good news is that I can not-buy them and be totally fine. I won't be fixated on them or mad that I "can't" have them. But part of what I'm currently grappling with is whether I receive them as a Christmas or birthday gift, because they are something I do want. Sure, I could work on not wanting them at all and continue to no-buy them. But, is it okay to "treat oneself" to an expensive gift or two, say, twice a year? Especially if I really do manage to rein in the general shopping habit so that I seldom bring in things that I don't need, during other times. In theory I think I'm okay with that being the rule, both so that I get to participate in a gift-giving occasion with my family, and also so that I have an established timeline for working through things I'm interested in acquiring. So the conversation is kind of shifting, to "is it worth it to want and/or buy something like this? why might I think that it is, or isn't?" plus, another conversation about "gift-giving occasions being an excuse to acquire something - to what extent should this be avoided/managed?" Both of these will come up soon on this channel 😉

[@claudiah_12]

I came so close to ordering a pair of pants that were declutterred in that video 😅 Really appreciate how your content is exposing the sneaky influencing lurking in content like this

[@gabriellefortenberry2476]

I think your eating when not hungry comparison is spot on.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes, hopefully it was clear that I'm not trying to say that either thing is bad, in itself... I'd never try to shame someone about their eating or shopping habits - but, Sunday's video I think will make the comparison even more clear and kind of explain why that was on my mind - it's a kind of reflection on the books "The Hacking of the American Mind" and "Ultra-Processed People" which both taught me some things 👀

[@estherhanko1457]

I love the title of this video. I would have loved more examples. Many many many times when we buy something new it's because we think it will make us look/feel more beautiful but after wearing the clothes more often and seeing them on our own (often imperfect) bodies more often than on the bodies of the models they were advertised in, they will start feeling less attractive to us. I kind of knew this subconsciously but actually following through on this is -I think- a great way to stop yourself from overconsuming.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

There are for sure more examples, I'm kind of slowly working through these and slowly letting go of the things I bought because of "influenced" reasons - like the shirt in the video right after this! It might be good to do a recap of a longer list of these things, so I'll see about doing one of those too, thanks for the suggestion. Totally agree that actually following through is super helpful in re-framing the consumerist urges

[@mariekelley7557]

I recently did a huge declutter of my closet (all clothes including storage, dresser, etc) and I went through a lot of similar feelings to your necklace thoughts. It’s really tough. Some of those pieces I agonized and essentially lusted for so much, and when push came to shove, my wardrobe data app proves that I didn’t use those items like I thought. Cue uncomfortable feelings. Eventually, I came to peace about it, but it was extremely tough to see my floor cluttered with empty hangers that were now in piles (I don’t have the executive function to resell on that level) and know that even if each of those hangers meant $10 (let’s be honest, each was a droplet heavier than $10) it was an unspeakable amount of money flooding my floor. As usual, wonderful video with very good insights and takeaways. You do a wonderful job thinking deeply and presenting those thoughts without spiraling down into unhelpful levels of overthinking. It really helps me be aware of things I might not have had the data to pin point (like how easy influenced I can be). It helps me avoid some of the pitfalls that would contribute to refilling my closet for example.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Agreed - I experienced all the same doing my wardrobe declutter earlier this year, documented on here! My goal is to never do a multi-item declutter like that, and to eventually slowly arrive at a level of clothing that feels reasonable by slowly decluttering one item at a time, probably speaking about each experience as I have with this necklace and in the next video, about a particular top that I realized just does not fit my style. Speaking of unspeakable amounts of money, I also have prices in my wardrobe app...so I can see that the entirety of what I currently have amounts to almost $25,000, which is honestly unbelievable - especially as none of my items is individually super expensive. And this is AFTER decluttering some. I think I shared this data in a short earlier on this channel, when it was slightly higher. But it's still almost 250 items (this is EVERY clothing piece, from gardening tshirts, pajamas, a bathrobe...), which averages at $100/item, and I guess balancing thrifted tops etc. with more expensive bags and shoes, it does make sense. Here's to not refilling our closets - or being able to do it free from the old pitfalls!

[@Squishbiscuits]

I know you probably already decluttered your wardrobe. But I’ve always wondered if it would be possible to get a massive community together for a Swap. I know I bought a lot of things I didn’t need too. *Selling* them seems like a lot of work, but giving them away is always easier. It would help if I knew that the people I’m giving to, would actually appreciate the items.

[@mariekelley7557]

@ totally! Some stuff I donated to goodwill, some stuff was pass onto family, but the majority of it was split into two and 1/2 went to a friend & her daughter and the other 1/2 went to a local clothing swap. I’m positive if I attended the swap that I would find things I liked. But it wasn’t a good time/day for me, and that also helped me realize that bringing home even a handful of items could set me back a lot in my goals. I really, really need to show myself that it’s possible to not want things. So hard! But for sure - I love the idea of a clothing swap. It did actually help me add more items to these various donation spots purely because I knew who it was going to.

[@raquel5401]

I love that your videos just provoke thoughtfullness is purchasing anything. As for the $500 pants, I could never be influenced. I have the money for it, but mentally I just can't wrap my head around paying more than $50 for a pair of jeans. So there is no temptation there for me. The eating analogy was perfect.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

You're actually not the only one who's commented they could never spend more than $50 for jeans! And there is a part of my brain that agrees with this totally, but also the part that still wants $500 pants. So this discussion has sparked some revelatory journalling sessions already and will soon be revisited on here - there are so many narratives out there trying to make this kind of spending "normal" or "okay," so many different angles of "marketing attack" to examine here, some of which I've obviously fallen into the trap of myself!

[@TheThriftyTherapist]

I love how you shine new light in your videos, and then your commenters add even more facets to the jewels of our understanding. We are each so unique in our relationship to possessions and consumption. I have always been the sentimental type moved to intense emotion by beauty, so I resonate with said creator, I just want to keep nurturing my consciousness in relation to all of this. Thank you for helping me so much with that. ❤

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I love it too! And it's curious, how since starting the no buy, how I now am able to "step back and observe" the person in my mind that wants things, I would guess it's like being able to somewhat observe one's emotions rather than being totally possessed by the feelings. Parts of me might always resonate with said creator, which is why I keep occasionally checking in, despite knowing it might not be great for my consumer mentality. But other parts of me agree with some of the discussion in the comments here, that my desire for super-expensive jeans is ridiculous, no matter the reason for wanting them, and I feel like I do want to reach an understanding between these two (or more!) sides of the picture. The crystal will be held up again, for further examining in a different light 😄

[@francestang7152]

I absolutely love your videos! The no-buy journey has been both a spiritual and emotional experience for me, along with the obvious financial benefits. A few weeks ago, a light bulb went off, and I finally realized that I need to learn how to self-regulate without relying on shopping or emotional eating. You’re so right-both may feel like the easiest sources of dopamine when we crave a false sense of productivity and comfort, but repeatedly doing so as coping mechanisms can ruin our lives exponentially.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Ooh, I'm talking more about this on Sunday, the books "The Hacking of the American Mind" and "Ultra-Processed People" really put words to a lot of the feelings I've been having, about self-regulation and temptation in these fields (shopping, eating). It's kind of a long video though 😅

[@francestang7152]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear Looking forward to it!

[@JoannaSelvan]

I almost got swept into buying things like polene bags, adidas sneakers, ganni top with ties in the front, not to mention all the eyeshadow palettes that keep tempting me. I realised I need to approach purchases in a very systematic way and create a set of rules for myself because I can’t just keep buying things I like the look of.

[@MyIlona777]

I was influenced to buy Polène bag. Then came across this chanel, which opened my eyes and thanks to Alexa I have started conscious consumerism journey. This has changed my perception, mental health and finances so positively. Sold Polène bag on Vinted and felt so relieved lol

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Oh man the Ganni tie-front top would DEFINITELY be in my closet if I wasn't on a no buy year, and I'm also pretty sure I'd regret having it. I realized something about the kind of tops I tend to wear - which I'm sharing in the next video here actually 👀 But yes - each of these purchases can feel like not that big of a deal but when it comes to the whole list, the bags, shoes, tops, palettes...it can really add up, and what's more, it never ends. I'm grappling with that a bit now as the holidays approach and I am trying to determine what a "reasonable" amount of Christmas and/or birthday gifts might be. I do think the holiday season can be a good time to "add something new," because there is the actual occasion for it and I'm not yet at the point of totally detaching "stuff under the tree" from Christmas (not sure I'll get to that point or even want to, honestly). However, "Christmas hauls" have gotten really out of control and I do not want to be representative of acquiring a ridiculous amount of things I don't really need during the holiday season.

[@palkramona]

Your reaction to that pants declutter is so interesting! Mine was the exact opposite: I was thinking "No one needs that many pants, how could you even wear them all?". And I felt sorry for all the ones who just stay in the closet most of the year unworn. Most of them beautiful pants! I also thought the same when you shared your closet: way too many jeans! :D However, this is all subjective. What is too many for me might just be enough for someone else. But I think I would rather have a few pants that go with most of my tops than have too many options. Or have two of the same pants that I love and don't know which one to wear... :D

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

So I also did have that reaction, but I didn't want to go too deep into details of everything I thought after watching it, because I didn't want to repeat mistakes of referencing or appearing to judge specific creators too much in these reflections 👀 And you know, I do actually remember having the same reaction IN my wardrobe try-on video, I think I actually said something like "I have too many pants, if I ever want to buy pants again let me remind myself of this moment" 😆 so I really appreciate your comment. Happy to report that this feeling of being influenced has passed, and I am able to not buy the pants, even if I can't totally avoid wanting them at the moment. The tables of my wardrobe are turning, where I am much more interested in having a lower quantity of pants that go with everything and that I like to wear without question or too much "styling" necessary, to the point where things I used to think I liked and would never get rid of, are now up for re-consideration. And oddly, I'm finding that jeans are maybe the option that are the "safest" as far as what's comfortable and what I like the look of - I currently have 6 pairs of jeans (4 blue, one white, one black), which might be too much in the context of my entire pants collection, but if I were to pare down my "other pants options" I actually think could be an okay number to keep.

[@EmmaLemmon]

The "wardrobe obesity" analogy really struck a chord with me (I'm on a weight loss journey this year) so thanks for that! I watched the pants declutter too but it didn't make me want more pants. I was actually glad I didn't have so many pants so maybe I'm getting somewhere 😅. I like to listen to the reasons why they want to keep/discard items to perhaps inform my own decisions about my stuff. I realise we're different though, I'm never going to be her and that's OK.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes there was absolutely a part of me that thought "thank goodness I don't have that many pants to manage" 😅 and as far as content about "stuff" goes, I did like the thoughtful level of discussion presented about the pants, and how she clearly actually used and appreciated most of her things, even if they had holes, were currently dirty (proof of use!) or otherwise imperfect.

[@weronikakuacz6919]

With the case of the creator who you might have been talking about for me they are exceptionally good in describingcertain items and thought processes connected to buying, wearing and potentially decluttering them. Across their videos I have gained a lot of similar points of reference in thinking about my own clothes - why do I might like the items I like, why something seems to be good fit for my wardrobe or not. As time passes I learn to come up with more and more ideas on why I DON’T need items I might have been thinking of acquiring. It does not work for me as well with other creators whom I’m slowly cutting of my subscription list as they seem like progressing towards more and more consumption, but in this case learning potential keeps me still subscribed to the creator in question

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I think this creator's way of talking about things IS partly why the actual items in the video didn't influence me or why I wasn't left "wanting" anything I saw, especially this year now that I've re-calibrated a bit, but, it just got me thinking genuinely about what I love in a pair of pants and reminded me of a certain pair that I had on a wishlist, back when I kept an actual wishlist. Part of it may also be the "style journey" that I've been consciously undertaking this year, getting to know myself a lot better as far as what I actually do wear and enjoy wearing, (as well as what I DON'T!) thinking about how to enjoy what I have more...and ultimately the fact that I've stopped running across things to want as often as I was doing in the first few months of the year is a huge difference in my approach.

[@eileen1165]

You must ask yourself if you are seriously willing to forego an existing pair of jeans in your wardrobe in order to justify buying the new ones, even if it happens to be a gift from your husband! If you can’t find a pair that you are willing to let go off, then I would refrain from buying the new pair. One way in which you might try to maintain a manageable wardrobe, and to stay on top of your overconsumption of buying things is to institute a “one in, one out” policy, and try to remain in that frame of mind even as you watch and are tempted by those influencers! But, aside from that you are making remarkable progress, and you deserve a pat on the back for that. 🎉😊❤

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! Thank you - I have already let go of a couple pairs of jeans (a few pending resale) and there's one more pair that I have in mind to more directly "swap" for these if I do indeed end up getting them. I filmed an "outfits of the week" video (still need to edit and post!) where one of the outfits in particular, I can imagine the "new jeans" completing in a way that none of my current ones do. And actually, the next video on here I explain why I'm kind of thinking about NOT adhering to "one in, one out" because I want to have the mentality of sending "one thing out" without even a tiny reflex of replacement, which is what I used to experience and still did to some degree (I decided to declutter a top, there's a whole story 😅). I still regularly check in with my wardrobe app, which still reflects far too many items, and also remind myself that the feeling of having the task of responsible decluttering is actually worse than the feeling of NOT buying something!

[@eileen1165]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear Oh thank you so much for replying to my comment, Alexas. Much appreciated. I totally agree with your sentiment of sending “one thing out” without even a tiny reflex of replacement. In my case, I take this rule to mean that if I buy something new, I must at all times, let go of something else, but not necessarily, if I let something go, I must immediately replace it with something else! This way the number of items in my wardrobe is slowly but steadily decreasing. But, then again, I don’t become overly obsessed that I still have too many items in my wardrobe. I just sit back, relax and breathe easy knowing that I will never ever have any more than I already have! 😃 Looking forward to your next video, though, as I just love your content. 💖

[@annie-sc]

Pants declutter, i think i know who it is 😂😂😂 I'm also guilty of that but my justification for my (over)spending was that I lost so much weight. Although majority of what I bought was thrifted (because I lost and still losing weight) I still do think I now have too much and they're taking space. I already gave my bigger clothes to relatives but I still feel like I have a surplus of stuff.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes, I am wondering if I will "feel it" when I reach a level of clothing that is manageable - I don't want to get rid of things just for the sake of it so we'll see what happens as I slowly refine my style preferences. You'll have to let me know if you gain any insights as you pass on what no longer fits, as well!

[@katetucker1452]

I HAD to track down the video you were talking about :) It came up first in my search, probably cos I used to consume a lot of her content. I started watching, and when I saw the amount of pants in question, I truly began to panic. I think I have reached the stage in my minimising that I absolutely love the total lack of overwhelm and decision fatigue that comes with my daily outfit choices.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! There was an element of that too, gratitude that I don't have to deal with that level of things!

[@amandak.4246]

personally i don't bother feeling bad about selling an item just bc i really wanted it or it was expensive. if you don't love it, that money could fund something you do like. it doesn't do you any good to feel guilty and hold onto it. i also prefer to take risks on purchases with my own money rather than ask for those things as gifts bc i know it will be psychologically harder to get rid of it later on if it was a gift. i think it's better to ask for gifts you're absolutely sure you'll keep longterm, such as a favorite item in a different color.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes I'm absolutely not holding onto the necklace in question, out of guilt, and at this point I don't feel bad about selling it - it was just more of a journey to reach the conclusion that I don't love it, after fooling myself into believing that I did. That's a good point about gifts. I think I do have some leeway with gifts from my husband because he doesn't enjoy choosing gifts for other people and historically will choose things I don't actually want or like that much...so a gift from him is almost always something I've specifically told him about. Since he is my husband we consider him obligated to give me a gift at Christmas and birthdays 😆, so the sentimental value is somewhat diluted by having many years of gifting. I also realize after having this chat that I didn't really think through "Christmas gifts" in terms of how to handle that during the no buy year, since it really seemed so far away at the start. So there will definitely be some more thought put in here as the season draws nearer.

[@Momjins]

This topic came exactly when I needed it - thank you! I love your videos they are so insightful and helpful on my money saving/no spend journey ❤

[@InsertLiteraryPunHere]

I’ve asked myself very similar questions but with eyeshadow palettes, and I finally realized that even though I only own two palettes, a few powder singles, and two cream shadows, I have WAY too much for me. Even though I have very little, it’s still too much! Crazy. And I think the reason it took me so long to understand this is that my makeup kit seemed like absolutely nothing compared to the full-on collections of any of the channels I watch. And I only tend to watch creators with “smaller” collections, but still, the fact that they’ll easily have 10+ eyeshadow palettes contributed to me getting a second palette for myself that I didn’t need. I already had what I loved with the one. Now I need to figure out what the “just one palette” equivalent is for pants :)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

It's so interesting how there are different areas of this, and how it kind of creates some cognitive dissonance when I think about it. When I think about "smaller makeup collections" with 10+ eyeshadow palettes, I know this is true in online beauty culture but it sounds ridiculous to me (I think I currently have two 6-eyeshadow palettes and would consider my collection "average" in real life), and yet here I am with a much-too-full wardrobe that somehow didn't seem ridiculous when I was buying it...and still have pants on my wishlist 😅 I'm still trying to find what the equivalent is for pants too! Sigh...🫣

[@emrej2527]

I really resonated with something you said about how many emotions are tangled up in buying and decluttering. It’s amazing the gymnastics my mind has to do around all of this and the hoops my emotions jump through when it comes to shopping and stuff. It gets really exhausting!!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I think this video is me being able to identify those emotions better, though, instead of being totally possessed by them... which is what used to be the case in previous years. There used to be no hope that I'd be able to let go of buying things I wanted...but now, there IS hope! Now, I can see that it would be better to NOT buy, most of the time. So even though I still want things, it does feel a lot different.

[@emrej2527]

@@Alexas.nobuyyearthat’s amazing progress! Your videos also make me feel better and help me work through those feelings. Still much more work to be done! We are battling against all of corporate America and society that wants us to consume more

[@dinapawlow1622]

Boy! did you generate a lot of great questions ! Many of the questions have thrown water on many of my purchase desires. They are fizzling out………👍🏻

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Love to hear that!

[@pompom8030]

You look fabulous with this combo I think 😮 Thanks for another log in and sharing your thoughts on that in a thoughtfull way!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you!

[@isabellerininger6249]

I confess I got “gotten” yesterday. An ad popped up with pajamas and I not only bought 2, because I had only 2 left in my wardrobe and it seemed reasonable, but I got a sweater and blouse. Ughhhhh. I can use them for sure but it was not planned but the “you might like these too” suggestions pulled me in.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Hey, this is the place to share! An exercise that I am finding helpful (and will share in video on here soon) is the idea of "if I could only keep one of these in my wardrobe, would this be the one?" or for something like blouses that might have reasonable variation in style and purpose, is this in the top 5? Any new purchases HAVE to make that cut, otherwise why add anything? It doesn't solve everything because when something's new it's easy to think it might be "the one", or in the top 5, but the exercise of actually picturing (or going and touching, wearing, etc) my top items in my wardrobe reminds me about my trusty favorites, and makes me think twice about whether I want to dilute my style by adding another choice. Or for me in the case of the jeans I want, it has me comparing to my current favorite jeans and trousers and having clear reasons why the new ones would be my "new #1", why I'd be willing to let go of some of my "top options" in favor of the new ones if they fit how I imagine them to, etc. - I'm trying not to be clouded by the fact that Christmas/birthday gifts are kind of an "acceptable time to acquire something" for me, which is another discussion that'll happen on here soon too.

[@Squishbiscuits]

This happens to me too! There is this part of my mind when I have items in my cart (both in person AND online) that is like “What else?” As if buying the ONE item I went looking for isn’t enough. I think it’s the “efficiency-seeking” part of my brain: How can I make the effort I put into this activity the “most efficient”. I’ve started telling myself that “This one thing is *enough*. The task is complete. More things are MORE work, not less.”

[@amac0190]

I watched the same video. Er, skipped through. And the following one. I had similar thoughts: I found the influencer based on the "fewer nicer things" concept. Thinking that this person would also be on the hunt for a curated closet. Purchasing less things. Receiving less PR etc. While I enjoyed the content for awhile, I found myself STILL wanting to buy! When watching the declutter videos, I thought: well they have "fewer" than normal stuff, and it's all "nicer" stuff, so I should check out the brands they're keeping (and even ones they're decluttering) to check them out. I was watching someone get rid of things and that made me want to buy! I realize that my problem is me. I am going to find reasons to buy things. Allow myself to be influenced. No matter the content. I had to unsubscribe. Similarly. This person does a lot of makeup reviews. I'm out of the loop on makeup so I watch them just for background noise or bc I like the creator, whatever. But even then I find myself perusing Ulta and Sephora for those brands mentioned. I don't even wear half the stuff she is reviewing and yet there I was. Browsing. I think, for me, I have to adopt the same mindset I do for junky snacks in the house: if it's not there, I can't eat it. So, if I don't watch it, I don't know it exists, and I can't want it. 😅

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I had very similar experiences with the makeup - I am not a big makeup person and tend to wear the same kind of things, don't need to try much "new" stuff, but seeing it around made me want to browse the brands too! It's still likely that I'll feel influenced if I see something enough times or presented in certain ways - but I guess my ultimate goal is that I can feel the "influence" but not act on it. Same with the junky snacks, sometimes I'll want them at the grocery store and I am usually able to tell myself that I don't want to act on that impulse, remind myself that I don't really want to eat all of that, which is what will happen if I bring it home. I DO know the snacks exist and can be had within a short drive, but my priorities are such that I would rather not indulge. That's my goal for all the "stuff" that I don't really need as well - that I can know it exists, but be able to go without due to different priorities.

[@mukatsa]

It’s funny that I know which video you are referencing even though I don’t follow her. But KZbin recommended it and I got curious enough to click 😅. I wasn’t influenced per se, because the brands shown are outside of my reach and budget. However it might have sparked an interest in finding the perfect pair! Not sure now if it was that particular video or a combination of influences. In terms of my “needs” I could justify it, I own very few trousers. However since I live on the southern hemisphere we’re going from the cold season to the warm. So the “need” is not urgent and I somewhat convinced myself to wait for next year. Will I succumb to my desire to OWN them is the question. And there are other items on this postponed wishlist of mine. 😂

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes - for me it wasn't that particular video but definitely a combination of "influences" - or the existence of many paths of justification that I could go down. I think you are wise to wait until you would immediately use the trousers, I find that it was when I caved into desire to "own" rather than to "use", is when I ran into the most future regret (or the kind of regrets I am presently going through)! Because then when I actually use the thing, it isn't what I imagined, kind of like the necklace in this video 😅

[@jennamanzano]

About that particular piece of content (assuming I am correct in my assumption in identifying the video) I really appreciated the way she explained it actually, and found it far more real and relatable than many. What I found great about it from a conscious consumerism and sustainability perspective was the discussions of how long she'd owned many of the pieces. "I got these 10 years ago ..." "I bought these on consignment 5 years ago... " etc. It's rare on the internet to talk about things that are that old and that loved. And while there were certainly new & expensive pants involved, things were also from a very "here's why these things are my style and fit into my life" perspective that modeled a lot of self-knowledge rather than blindly following what's it right now. Personally, I felt far less influenced by the particulars of the clothing and far more interested in the process she's utilized to collect slowly over time and consider what will last her. It modeled a thoughtful process over a more vapid "look at my cool stuff" approach.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I agree! I think that's also partly why I was able to check in with that video, and NOT be influenced by any of the actual items shown, which is great. While I was trying not to comment on that video in question, during this video, (since my opinion of the content wasn't what I felt was relevant) - to get into it here, I did actually enjoy several aspects about it, how some of the pants were clearly in regular use and still dirty (relatable!), she didn't declutter something because it had a hole or otherwise wasn't perfect/needed maintenance, and yes like you said she had some very old and loved pieces with wonderful stories and memories attached.

[@eileen1165]

@@jennamanzano Beautifully said! 😊

[@alicetrieu7733]

I like you said in one of your video- don’t bring extra items into your closet to dilute your wardrobe, so I really make a point to buy with intention. Buying items, I think mostly is out of curiosity of how the item will add to my style or wardrobe. I find myself with the act of buying and then returning, so it is coming to a point where I just have to remind myself that I don’t need another item. Occasionally buying is fine, if that item speaks to you rather being influenced by whatever other external force. Definitely not listening to any influencer out there, that’s a rule I have given myself.

[@SkylightSwift]

I have quite a few items I was ‘influenced’ to buy thinking I could look like they do, but of course that’s not going to be the case and I get disappointed and then don’t wear it. It has taken me 30 years to learn my style and I still make mistakes. I am much better at not being influenced since June this year and getting better at not buying something because it’s in a sale of one of my favourite stores - no summer sale purchases and unsubscribe from a lot of mailings, looks good on the model but now I remind myself it’s not my style and I don’t need it so don’t buy it.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I'd say the shirt I talk about in the video after this one is the case of me chasing a specific "look" that I saw on other people, and then really not liking it on myself. I'm learning more and more regarding clothes that a "style uniform" is actually more like a series of "failsafe outfits" that we know we like and feel good in, most of the time. I had an outfit on yesterday that I really didn't feel good in, and lo and behold it had me wondering if I needed to get some different clothes - for just a second. I know these days that I actually just need to pare down so that I don't end up wearing the combos I don't like, because of too many options! Congrats on your journey!

[@sinnela5807]

Watching these huge collection declutters by the same content creator helped me to see how absurd it is to follow these "mindful consumption" and even minimalism driven content creators for motivation and inspiration, when I already own and buy so much less stuff than they do! I understand it's their job, but I am already so much more mindful with my consumption, my collections are so much smaller that it sounds ridiculous to even call them collections. And yet I'm also a lover of all things beautiful, I crave and want all the same things they do. Why am I even watching these gurus when clearly I have been way more successful in my own personal pursuit of fewer, nicer things (sorry I just had to use this expression). I guess it's purely for beauty and entertainment, because it has become very evident to me that I don't actually need their help. I'm doing great! I am actually being a mindful consumer instead of building a personal brand around mindful consumption.

[@InsertLiteraryPunHere]

I completely agree! And I really like the creator in question and get a lot of joy out of her videos, they feel so cozy and (in some significant ways at least) very thoughtful to me. But just like you said, I personally am already living by the “fewer, nicer things” model and would be overwhelmed if I had even a third of what she has, so maybe the student is actually the master here :). And I also don’t like the occasional mild implication that anyone who would criticize or question her collections is probably a mean-spirited internet hater-I think there’s an obvious gap between intent and execution there when it comes to buying in a truly mindful “cost per wear / regularly wear what you love” kind of way

[@annmagnuson5888]

Yes, and I am feeling betrayed by said creator. I followed her because I thought she was about conscious consumerism, but its really just consumerism in a nice wrapping. So betrayed!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I think keeping this in mind - it's purely for beauty and entertainment, not help - is so important in keeping perspective. I consider myself somewhere in the middle, I am still pursuing "fewer nicer things" - emphasis on the fewer, because of my history of being influenced and buying more than I need. But I am also not at the levels of some of these influencers with a strong personal brand in curated consumption, and my true mission is to end up with less than I started, (which is why I posted my entire wardrobe at the beginning of this process) and truly limit what comes in once I've done the "curating." I never want to do another multi-item "wardrobe declutter" in the future - I'll just be over here waxing poetic about decluttering a single item, and slowly discovering my true style 😆

[@ingwerkeks98]

I loved your thoughts, thanks for sharing. I watch said creator's content purely out of aesthetic reasons. The way she deals with words and language, it's like poetry. That's all. I am not into her style, I don't care about make up... So I don't get influenced by this content. However, I agree that after I watched the pants declutter I thought that was a huge number of pants to begin with, counted my own pants, found out I own less than 20 and felt really good about myself 😂

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Same, I have 17 pairs of non-leggings or sweatpants, so somewhere in the 20's if I were to count literally every pant. It was interesting to me that I have at least reached the stage of not being influenced by the specific stuff, as I do see that her style is pretty far from my style, and likewise I'm not a big makeup person.

[@shellbell8062]

Watching content is such a problem for me. I have stopped watching all fashion content, aside from my very favourite (Thanks to Fashion - her style is the best!) and every time I watch her weekly video, I pretty much have to sit on my hands to stop myself from purchasing something that she styles. I lost the battle last week and bought a sumptuous khaki cashmere jumper from COS last week - not cheap at all. That darn fomo got me again as there was a notification to say that these were the last few in stock. I know that I will love it; but I am the queen of knitwear - I really didn't need more. I suspect the feeling of disappointment in my weakness will spur me on to higher levels of resolution in the future. I enjoy her content so much that I really don't want to quit watching; but it leaves me open to way too much temptation. Me watching fashion content is akin to a dirty ol' man hanging around girls in bikinis - it's just not going to be incident free.

[@amac0190]

I am the same! I've quit all fashion content and am using the "not interested" or "do not recommend channel" every time I see a fashion, consumption, under consumption, thrifting, or adjacent video. Even home ware, diys, crafting videos - because if I'm not buying clothes I'm sure my attention will be grabbed by something else and I'll just spend my money there. This channel is the only one that has been safe for me so far lol

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Wow I'd never heard of Thanks to Fashion and from the initial peek on her page, I actually DO like the look of her style! So I might find myself going down that rabbit hole too 😁 but - while I am trying to be more intentional with the content I watch, I also do want to get to the point where I can see all the "stuff" and NOT act on the impulse to buy - rather translate it into love of my own wardrobe, or the "call to action" to try and create a similar look or feeling with what I already have. So the dirty ol' man can go right back home to his wife 😆

[@maxine.v]

I started this year on a no buy and was doing PRETTY well up until I moved in June and it kind of went downhill from there. I'm trying to jump back on it again even though there are two months left of the year.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Moving can definitely do that! Cheering you on in your efforts to jump back on, these are probably the most marketing-heavy months of the year so I do think it's a great time to be trying to NOT buy

[@CAGChannel1]

Pretty fall look :)

[@kathrynbythelake9638]

The numbers game is a slippery slope. I was highly enabled by the "if I could keep only 10 eyeshadow palettes-shoes-dresses-etc" videos a few years back. I saw that pants video but I don't think I watched the entire thing since I am actively avoiding temptation right now. Also, I am short and curvy, not tall and leggy, so those pants will NOT look the same on me. 🤣

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Ooh, you're right, I did just film a "if I could only keep ONE" capsule wardrobe experiment, and hopefully I managed not to present it as "this is my favorite thing and you might want it too" - I was going for "these are the ones I'd keep and therefore the result is my true style values." I saw Daily Helen - I think? - talking about thinking about that question before buying a new thing, is this the one I prefer over all the others? To get some perspective on whether it would add to one's style or become a detractor.

[@emr3306]

🙃 Right video, right time! I am contemplating a pair of earrings atm - not crazy expensive, but also not cheap! Your necklace example makes me think very hard about the purchase! How will I like them 6 months from now? A year?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

The thing I've found with jewelry personally is that there are a handful of pieces, maybe like 5-10 things, that I really love and feel add something to my "look". And that's counting things like my "everyday rings" and necklace, so it's really like 5-7 additional pieces - earrings, other necklaces - that I even think about as "part of my style" enough to change for the outfit - every time I'm tempted by a piece of jewelry I remind myself that I already have my bases covered, and would have to go out of my way, actively, to rotate through things if I had more!

[@dinapawlow1622]

Just saw great barrel jeans from everlane. They will definitely be at a lower price.🎉

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you, I'll check those out! Definitely doing a lot of research before this possible purchase 😅

[@Hippodameia]

I'm sorry, this is very judgmental, but to me, even considering buying a $500 pair of jeans would be wild, and I make good income as an engineer. Jeans should not cost $500. What do we achieve with $500 jeans that we could not achieve with $50 jeans? Who are we trying to impress with $500 jeans? I love what you've been doing with your channel, but it's hard for me to reconcile the person who is doing the no-buy with the person who wants $500 jeans. Maybe I shouldn't even make this comment, but I genuinely feel confused and maybe even worried by this. I am trying to voice this in the kindest way possible.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

You know, thank you for this comment. I think it's valuable and that this idea actually bears further examination, I'll probably hash all of this out in a future video, maybe with some more clarity, but allow me to begin here! And likewise to your comment, I am trying to explain and explore in a genuine way, not trying to argue or justify. Sorry for the impending essay😆😅 First of all it's super easy for me to say I AGREE WITH YOU! In a logical sense, I can see how this kind of purchase is totally ridiculous, in the realms of "things that exist but aren't actually a real option for any sane person", BUT! There's all kinds of environmental factors that lead people to want, and ultimately make, ridiculously expensive purchases, right? And to some degree, the reasons will be different depending on the individual, their experiences, their life "philosophies" or attitudes. I know that for me I'm not trying to "impress" anyone with the idea of expensive jeans, in fact I'd rather people in general NOT know that they were expensive if I do end up buying and wearing them, for similar reasons that I'd never ever spend thousands of dollars on goods with prominent logos. I like to think I make my "expensive purchase choices" based on design, which is one of the core "selling points" of the company that does the jeans. Also on this channel I'm being 100% transparent with everything that I buy, contemplate buying, declutter, etc. as I try to reformulate my consumer habits this year and beyond, so I share details like that, what I've spent, what I am contemplating spending, etc. that I definitely wouldn't share openly as a general rule - for better or worse. I think for me, there's some degree of extravagance and philosophical "YOLO" to this kind of purchase, which I acknowledge isn't necessarily positive or mindful or desirable. I'll revisit this idea later. However there are a number of conditions that are still very important to me regarding this or any purchase, even more so after starting this no-buy challenge. Obviously I have to actually have the money for the purchase, we're not doing debt for material goods (and never have, excepting a now paid-off car, a now paid-off viola for my job, and a mortgage). I have to truly believe I will reach a reasonable "cost-per-wear" on the item before buying, which for a $400-500 pair of jeans would take literal years...and, what's more, they have to give me the "wow factor" for those costs-per-wear, which might be the answer to the question of "what do $500 jeans do that $50 jeans don't?". I also, in my previous years of consuming, have probably raised my "acceptable price threshold" - again not saying this is good, just being honest. I do have a hard line of $500 for a maximum purchase and couldn't imagine going over this threshold, and have only EVER approached this with a coat and a purse in the past. I wasn't in the habit of dropping $500 for something, but, I would often spend $100-200. My current favorite jeans are actually $134 new, and having had jeans ranging from $5 thrifted, and regular "levis" at like $40, there is a level of more thoughtful fit that can happen above $100 (especially for long inseams). Still a huge jump to $500, yes, but for whatever reason, my "hard no" level of spending might need re-calibrating to return to levels that make sense contextually for the rest of my journey here. All that being said, I think my priority levels for my no buy journey are leveled so that simply buying fewer things is Goal #1, becoming immune to influence, trends, consumer habits, basically achieving freedom from marketing, is Goal #2, knowing myself, establishing true style, eliminating and responsibly re-homing superfluous things is Goal #3, being conscious of environmental impact and actively shifting to be better in that regard is Goal #4, and financially-related reasons is Goal #5, the last goal on the list. I don't know when or how it happened, maybe it's since buying a house and not having as tangible of a savings goal? But for whatever reason my feelings towards money is that it's not as consequential - could also be a reaction to living more of my life extremely concerned about money, and frugal, I might have swung too far in the other direction. But part of it does feel like a reaction to "the promise of life not being guaranteed" even for tomorrow - which could be a philosophical mentality that's not "logical", or also a product of current hormonal issues with the thyroid 😆 And then, like I said in this video, part of it might also be that I've seen way too many people online with huge collections of clothing costing hundreds or even thousands of dollars per item, normalizing high spending, my husband will also tend to NOT buy a lot, but then have higher expenses when he does (car parts, premium running shoes), around the holidays I tend to get several chunks of extra income, making the odd extra feel less impactful on the budget...and ultimately compared to previous years, even if I buy a $500 pair of jeans I will have spent drastically less than if I caved to more of the impulses. Again I am not actively trying to engage in mental gymnastics here, I do intend to think about this for awhile and speak about it in a future video, maybe I'll have reached better conclusions by then!

[@Hippodameia]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear Thank you for your response! Please don't worry about the essay--I read all of it and I'm glad you took the time to hash out your thoughts for me. I'd love to see you explore this more in a future video! I think I definitely have a different approach to money, although I think we came from similar places of worrying about finances and living very frugally in a past life. And, it seems like we both need long inseams most of the time. :) My idea of treating myself for jeans, which I wear pretty much daily, has a max of $50-ish for a pair, so I always wait for a sale, stack coupons, etc. and stay away from luxury brands, which I've tried before and just found overrated. If the jeans are a bit more of a trendy fit like a barrel/horseshoe jean rather than my regular straight leg, I'm even less likely to want to spend a ton of money on them. My take is $500 seems like a huge jump and I feel like influencers have justified that kind of lifestyle creep to a lot of people. I don't watch hardly any influencer content, except occasionally out of morbid curiosity, but I recall stock phrases such as "It's a classic piece!" and "It's an investment!"--is it, really? Or is it just a really expensive trendy item? I think something worth considering is that there is a ceiling to quality--there has to be a price point where you see quality plateau, and I have to think it's well before $500 for just denim. In addition, I'm very keen on the idea of not just having an emergency fund, but also "f*** you" money, money I can rely on for a little longer if, for instance, my boss is awful and I need to get out of town and see something new for my own mental health. There's just something about that $500 price tag, or some monetary value near it, that would give me pause and make me ask myself, "is there somewhere better I could put this money?". For me, it would be a trip or a language class. I've been trying to use my spending money on skills and enrichment that younger me always wanted access to. Of course, I don't think any less of you for what you decide to do! Thanks again for your response, and I'll see you in the next video!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

@Hippodameia I totally agree that influencers have presented that level of lifestyle creep like it's normal and it's possible I was just drinking that kool-aid for too long. Also I like the idea of prioritizing different places for money to go, but I also have to acknowledge that there's a bit of a current struggle with visualizing being able to take a trip or even a language class, both things I'd love to do, when I just have limited time that I can be outside the home these days (childcare etc). In some ways this is maybe another way shopping is dangerous since it's "easier" to do than these other things that take time and planning and stepping out of a comfort zone. Once again logically I know I should still save for when these things become possible, it would make much more sense to do so but for whatever reason my logical mind has difficulty prevailing here. I'll have to think more about this too! I really appreciate you sharing your perspectives on this!!

[@Hippodameia]

​@Alexas.nobuyyear Regarding the language class point--it was an example specific to my life, and I agree it is very hard to make time to drive to a class. I can't, either, with my obligations, so I take online classes. You'd be surprised what you can do online. I started with online beginner Russian classes about two years ago at one university, and now I take online Russian classes at a different school where we meet three nights a week and work through a novel in Russian. That college loves online students and does online programs in Chinese, Korean, Russian, several languages! So, if a commute or leaving home is an obstacle to you meeting education/self-improvement goals, it shouldn't be! Take this as encouragement from me to move on from Duolingo and take an actual college class online if you are willing and able!

[@melligolightly]

You do what you will, Alexa (of course!), so no judgement here from me. But I agree with the comment above. I have never bought typical influencer items because most of the time I consider it way too expensive. Even mid-range pieces like Polène, Sézane etc. I can't justify those price tags to myself. Often my clothing budget for one season is less than one of those items would be. I guess I'm just frugal. But it's also a necessity. I mean, I could technically afford it, but living expenses are high, especially if you have also other projects (we are renvovating a house right now). Not to comment on you, Alexa, but I often wonder how some influencers do it and come to the conclusion that they must be very privileged if they can have it all - own house, lots of travelling AND massive consumerism bills.

[@zombifiedninja4665]

If this was Hannah Poston's video, then yes I watched her video too.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

👀

[@essleyblue]

I just started reading the book: "Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life" by Luke Burgis. He draws heavily on the work of French philosopher René Girard, who introduced the concept of mimetic desire, which you've talked about before. The book explores the concept that desires are not entirely our own but are shaped by the desires of others around us, just as gravity does not reside independently in any one thing or person, but lives in the space between, and can only be understood in relational context. And "models" (real life and social media influencers?) are the gravitational centers around which our social lives turn. It's a fascinating read, if you're interested.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

This one has come up a few times in my comments! It's on my list for sure, but it might have to "move up in line", this sounds incredibly useful, especially with the details you've shared about it. Thank you!

[@angelamelum4304]

I’m in the same boat trying to figure out if presents count or not. I have a very minimal wardrobe (58 pieces not counting shoes and coats), but am wanting to purchase quality pieces. Most of these are not influenced thankfully.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

There will definitely be more discussion on this - I'm not at the point where I've totally separated gifts under the tree from the idea of Christmas, and not sure I want to get to that point honestly - on some level it does also make sense to me, to keep this time of the holidays (or birthdays) for bringing a few new things in that we actually want, if we are able to be more controlled (or practice delayed gratification) during the rest of the year. But, given the prevalence of over-the-top Christmas "hauls" I really don't want to be in that camp either. Trying to figure out how many "things" or how much "budget" (or both!) is reasonable and still in line with my goals!

[@angelamelum4304]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear very happy to hear there will be more discussion. I’m not sure where I land either. While I don’t have a lot of clothes, I buy at thrift stores and then can’t take them back. I’m trying to break the habit of buying without intentional thought. On one hand I would not be the one buying it, but on the other hand it would really need to be bought with intention or knowing me I won’t wear it.

[@gobolosszabojulianna]

I watched lots of styling videos from Melissa Murell. Her approach to build a capsule wardrobe results in a wardrobe very different from my original one, but as I started following her advice, it worked well for me. But watching her videos makes me want to add new pieces to my wardrobe much faster than it would happen organically. Especially as I do it vie Vinted which has a 50% hit rate for me (khm, revolving door….). So I stopped watching her videos for now. I am already inpired by her approach, I have a handful of items I can experiment with, but this year I don’t want to add anything and especially I don’t want to spend time longing for items. Instead of her videos I switched to de-influencing videos from Gittemary or Shawna Ripari. They planted the seed of critical thinking in me when it comes to “must haves”. Although, I have to tell, those videos get quite repetitive after a few examples. So I am curious what fills the gap next time.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Something I have realized especially with some of the comments on this video, is that I probably need a longer "detoxing" period from consuming this kind of media and the ideas it put into my mind. I say in this very video, how this kind of content normalizes large wardrobes, frequent purchases, etc...but having some more conversations here makes me realize that it probably goes even deeper than I can even understand right now, and I've also been focused more on the "act of wanting and buying" than I have on examining my current attitudes towards "stuff" - I have spent some time on this, but not enough to be prepared for the upcoming holiday season! I also have found the same, where I like Gittemary, Shawna Ripari, other channels that talk about consumer trends and being more mindful, but I am also finding it harder to watch because I have reached a point where I either already know what they will say, or the current "consumer trend" is truly so ridiculous to me now and I don't like to see it. I recently filmed a video talking about how every kind of content can be a sales pitch, and opened up the TikTok app (on camera) to provide some examples, but after a few videos I had to close it - not sure how that video is going to turn out (haven't started editing!), but I couldn't bring myself to "waste time" like that even to try and make the point in my video! And I used to ACTUALLY watch TikTok for "fun" sometimes. What has "filled the gap" for me lately is videos more centered on philosophical ideas - I've added more of these to my playlist of "videos that inspire me" if you're interested to see what I mean - and also, I'm maybe getting closer to the point of really trying to re-work my schedule so that more of my time can be spent doing things I feel better about...or maybe instead of video content I'll try some more audiobooks on topics I want to learn more about, or even try to listen to more music instead.

[@danamatsukawa4762]

Since you asked, what I get out of watching people promoting clothing consumption in their videos that is positive, is seeing how they are styling things in a current way, and the best way to style things for my body type. Especially the latter, because I don't look like the models in adds for clothing or on pinterest. My abilities to imagine outfits and how things will look on me are limited. Do these videos influence me to buy, to some extent they do. I buy used which helps limit some of the damage from buying more than I need. There is a perfectionistic element in trying not to not over consume at all. What even is that? Over consume by whose definition? I am retired and I mend my clothing. Except for shoes, I could never buy clothing again for the rest of my life and meet the technical definition of needed clothing in providing me cover from the elements.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you for sharing! If I think about it, I probably wouldn't have the "style" that I am now happy with, if I hadn't watched clothing "consuming" videos as well, so upon further reflection I do understand that positive element. I also buy used whenever possible, and I like what you said about how there's a perfectionist aspect of not buying at all, that's a really helpful context as far as how it can be negative, I'll be thinking about this further, for sure.

[@cynthiahunter6588]

Just curious, did you watch videos promoting Amazon prime days? They got me but I figure I can send stuff back

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I did not! I have been burned by Amazon wayyy too many times, in seemingly every category of thing... and we also do not have prime😅 Since starting this year we have actually tried to completely "break up" with Amazon, and only order there if we really can't get it anywhere else. It's just too easy to impulse buy or add little things to the order, for the non-prime shipping threshold.

[@valeriemalenfant]

dont buy them full price they are way cheaper second hand! (aka the real real LOL) and I tried one time to buy a pair of pants from their website and OMG was I hit with extra duties fees :( (but then again I'm Canadian so it might be cheaper elsewhere) I promise myself to never buy on their website.

[@lilies-and-lilies]

aw I can't help but feel moved by this thought you shared: "why did I get swept up into thinking this was Me?" so honest! this train of thought felt so human and relatable. it's so easy to look back through the lens of who we are now and make judgements about the people we used to be...I find myself feeling that all the time. Especially as I battle the desire to own higher quality pieces that I replace less often 😂 I wonder if there's a way that I can make choices that I won't regret later, but I suppose that would require me to never change as a person. Right now I'm trying to make peace with that mindset by purchasing items from brands that might be easier to resell if I do change my mind later on 😂 even though I know I don't like reselling things! It's quite a conundrum. These days, the desire to prevent regret keeps me from buying anything at all. I look back at my previous purchases and feel pangs of regret, but I'm trying to reframe my mindset around it. I'm a human being and it's special that I changed at all. I'm getting better at being a human every day. It's going to be okay 😂 There might never be a static version of me and that's a beautiful thing. I think.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I definitely don't think we should dwell in regret, or even necessarily let the fear of regret dictate our present decisions. I guess I'm starting to think of it differently - I also am not enjoying the reselling process, and I can see a future where I'm just happy and content with my wardrobe, which actually involves getting it DOWN to a certain level, overall, rather than bringing in the "next greatest thing(s)". So even here where I'm thinking about adding the jeans on my mental wishlist, more of my energy is still actually going to evaluating what I love to wear from what I already own, and "slow decluttering" of the things that detract from rather than expressing my desired style. I'm actually not sure how much I'll change - as far as going back to where I came from, style-wise, there is a sense of "evolving" rather than changing for change's sake, where if I have truly outgrown something (style-wise) I probably won't go back to it...at least that's been my experience so far, and my focus going forward will be to not be "influenced" to evolve if I still have the ability to be happy and content with what I have. Hopefully that makes sense 😆

[@kathrynbythelake9638]

Perhaps sell the necklace to offset the "cost" of the jeans?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

That's the plan - or rather, making enough through "declutter sales" to fund Christmas this year 😅

[@luciebradley7150]

Do you think you will be able to not want the jeans? I hope this question makes sense

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

It makes total sense! And that's the thing - this video is documenting a moment of feeling particularly influenced to "want" the jeans. But I am much more at a point where I don't fixate on wanting any material items as a general "state of being" - which is why being hit with these feelings of "influence" was notable. BUT I'm still struggling with the notion of "adding some things" during the impending holiday season, still being pretty attached to the idea of Christmas gifts, and if I were to honestly rank the things I'm interested in acquiring, i.e. gift options, the jeans are at the top of the list of things I feel would add something tangible to my "style" and wardrobe, and enjoy and use a lot. So in some ways, if there were no occasions where I had the expectation of "adding things to my life" coming up, I'd be much more able to say I don't "want" the jeans...but if I'm going to receive anything, I'd rather it be those than a selection of other options that I don't feel the same about. It's interesting because I consider this the first "gift-occasion" that's cropping up during my "no buy year", and while it's right at the end of the year, it's also the beginning of maybe the "next frontier" that I'm not yet fully prepared for. While I initially considered lesser holidays "gifting occasions" when I laid out my no-buy rules, looking back I can see that those were much less "legitimate" (Valentine's Day and Mother's Day for example) than I consider Christmas and birthdays as far as receiving some things that one wants. My birthday is in January, so everything I got this year was purchased before the start of the year to avoid that possible massive loophole after officially starting the challenge. I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to try and approach the idea of gifts this season, I'm not at the stage where I want to eliminate the opportunity to get something I (and family members, etc) want, and feel that it can actually be a helpful framework for when it's okay to get something you don't need - once or twice a year. But still to pin down are the concept of "how many things" or "what level of budget"...I did a budget video way back, hypothetically breaking down the 50/30/20 rule, or I think I did 60/30/10? 10% of the budget being the amount for "wants". But if I truly manage to do a better "no buy" next year, do I really think it's appropriate to spend 10% of my yearly budget on Christmas and birthday gifts? (No, is the answer!) Anyway sorry for this long answer to your short question, but there will be more discussion of this on here as the season (and all the sales!) gets into full swing 😆

[@luciebradley7150]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear thank you! In understand when you say you r now conscious about being influenced versus something you want because you just love it. I have been trying to break out of my shopping habit and i feel like i dont even need to be influenced I just see something i love and i cant stop thinking about it. I would love to be free of this and just not want stuff. Watching all your videos made me think of that question. I wanted to know if someone who has done all this work, can break out this constant WANT habit? I want to have the power to say ‘Meh!’ And not buy it. I must sound silly 🙈

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

@luciebradley7150 not at all silly, and I think in general, the answer is yes - there are many things that I have wanted, that I've totally forgotten about, saw and thought "oh that's interesting" but quickly realized why I DON'T need it, I really think taking inventory of everything I have has been super important in reminding myself that I really don't want to have more things as a general rule. I guess the expectation of literally never wanting or buying anything again might not be realistic, but part of it is that there is an increasing level of "framework" for a purchase to make sense, after starting on this path.

[@CS-ly3lx]

It's sad, ironic, and comical that chatter about disgarding pants resurrected your desire to buy more of them. You tie yourself in knots trying to justify still buying them this year: your husband will buy them, not you, it will be a Christmas gift, not just a run of the mill purchase. You've wanted them for so long that they seem to be a reward for being patient. It's probably going to be a real let-down to finally get them and wear them. The real issue is twofold: 1) Why did you watch a pants declutter in the first place? You have already decluttered your pants collection and you know how to do it. What benefit did you get from that video? Some influencers have very soothing voices and could probably talk us into anything. Before we know it, we've wasted twenty minutes of our precious time listening to their take on lip gloss. As you've said so often, conscious consumerism involves conscious consumption of online content. 2) The concept of an absolute No-Buy Year is somewhat masochistic. You could put it on your calendar to buy those pants when your No-Buy Year is over (if they are still available). Or you could just forgive yourself for wanting those pants despite your pledge not to buy and just buy them. Be kind to yourself.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I see the comic irony, too. In this case there is at least a distinction between "buying another pair" and desire to "own more pants", I do not have a desire to expand my pants collection but there is this lingering desire for a specific pair. And to be honest I'm kind of tying myself in knots about Christmas in general this year! I'm not at the point where I want to remove gifts for myself (and/or others) from the experience of Christmas, (I had exceptions for gifts on my "no buy" when I started it at the beginning of the year, and had not thought as far ahead as the "holiday season") and on some level it seems to make sense to bring in something considered, that I actually want, for my "gifts under the tree" - but I'm still grappling with the idea of how much is appropriate, both in terms of "new things in" and budget. I'll be talking about this in a video at some point. To address the twofold issues: 1) It's been hard for me to completely cut off ALL content that I used to enjoy watching, I have been mostly abstaining from videos talking about products that I don't need, but I thought that I wanted to peek into the "declutter" to perhaps be inspired into further consideration of my own pants - you're right that I have already done a wardrobe declutter but it didn't bring me to the "final point" of comfort, I still feel that I would like to pare down a bit more, but this time for style reasons, not sheer numbers. Was watching this a mistake? Perhaps! Did I actually learn anything about how I might go forward with my pants? Not really. It did reinforce my desire to NEVER have to deal with that many pieces of clothing again, though, so if I do end up purchasing the "pants on my list" it definitely will not be the start of slipping back into habits of accumulation...maybe that's a plus. 2) The thing is, while in practice I haven't remotely succeeded at a true "no buy" this year, the approach, even if masochistic, has taught me a lot and I actually do want to continue the mentality for next year even if I'm not going to be "on a no buy". That, I actually haven't decided yet. I'm happy to have reached the point where I'm not going to experience distress if I never get the pants on my list. I do still want to prioritize using what I have instead of buying. But after further reflection I think the current "field of struggle" is actually to do with the upcoming gift-giving occasions...I really don't want to stop the "no buy" and buy some long-wishlisted things on January 1! However, in a practical sense, I do have a January birthday, and Christmas - they'll probably both be occasions where some long-wishlisted things ARE added to my life, so it may very well appear that that's what I'm doing. The distinction though that still feels important to me, is that I am trying to tie the "acquisition of things I don't need" to already established occasions where part of the "tradition" is to get some things you want but don't need.

[@CS-ly3lx]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear My family has a long tradition of putting together the money we would normally spend on Christmas gifts and making one large donation to a charity. Everyone feels good about it.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

@CS-ly3lx ooh I'm curious about this! Do you remember how that tradition started? How was it explained or contextualized to young kids? I think the idea would encounter some resistance over here, but I obviously don't deny that that's a great thing to do

[@CS-ly3lx]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear It started in the 1970s when two teenage sons convinced their parents to give money to UNICEF instead of buying them gifts for Christmas. Each of those sons upheld that tradition when they married and had children. Small children got small gifts, but nothing expensive. When I married into the family it was already a well-established family tradition, except that different generations chose different charities. Last year we donated a substantial amount to the local public conservatory for music as a contribution to a new grand piano that they needed. Our children know that they are well off and their needs are met, without fancy presents. They see this practice as a way of sharing what they have with others.

[@melligolightly]

I would love to do this (or even only cut back on the amount and value of gifts) but my family is resistant, too. 🙄

[@kasey42]

I have about 40 pairs of shorts and jeans and pants, all of them get worn regularly/seasonally, none of them over $30, only 2 pair bought in the last 2 years. Please put some decorative paper on your cardboard boxes or something, they are distracting being right behind your head.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Noted - it'll be a week or two before I can make a change with the boxes since I didn't see this request before filming!

[@lulu993]

I just listened to a very interesting video named "the rise of modern shopping". This is part 2 kzbin.info/www/bejne/hZyXfWVtiraChqssi=2tRbksywtmlkgd9w Worth listening. I wish there would be a part 3 ... modern shopping online and with influencers! Love your channel. Very inspiring.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you for sharing that - I was super interested to watch too, but when I clicked I got a notice that "the uploader has not made this video available in your country" and when I search the title and channel, that particular video does not come up for me! How strange, I wonder why it wouldn't be available in the US...