How parental trauma bonding shapes your future

[@nonawolf7495]

Narc Mom stole the person you could have been. That realization is crushing.

[@bebop54]

👆🏼💯🎯💞🙏🏼😇❣😻💕

[@DS-wv7lf]

@@nonawolf7495 #FACTS

[@Greeceismygoto]

My biggest regret if my life. I know I could have been someone better and had a better life. I know we can’t blame anyone but ourselves, but when you start out below zero it doesn’t help.

[@こなた-m1o]

@@Greeceismygotoyou can definitely blame someone other than yourself. the narc who destroyed your nervous system from a young age

[@bebop54]

@@Greeceismygoto i know right ? we gotta keep our mouth shut because that's what it seems like..blame.. when one returns to childhood to figure out the family dynamic ..it's quite clear ...the scapegoat...God bless you friend 🤗😇

[@gayleberger5476]

I was an empath raised by a single parent narc mom, and without realizing it, I married a narc man in my 20’s to escape my mom. Sadly, I was told by a psychiatrist that I actually married my mom again and repeated the cycle for another 18 years. What a sad realization. My second husband broke the cycle and after 20 years together, I finally now understand what a healthy, loving relationship is. So my story does end well.

[@chaitrakeshav]

❤

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

I'm happy to hear that story, I wish you nothing but peace going forward.

[@hennisincoff502]

I applaud your strength..👏👏

[@maevebutler4641]

What a lovely experience for you to have...Happy for you

[@cc1k435]

@gayleberger5476 Similar stories from a lot of people here, I'd wager. Even if you're trying to avoid it, there is so often something familiar about such relationships, that we often end up that way. 😕

[@narcabusestory]

The narcissistic family system teaches you not to trust yourself and to focus only on other people; it doesn't give you the time you need to think about the situation, to realize what's happening. If there is no time for inner work and healing, then it is almost guaranteed that we will end up back in a narcissistic relationship because we gravitate towards what we consider familiar, even if it is toxic, painful and wrong

[@5thHouseProductions]

💜

[@oferzeira]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized

[@KevinpWalker]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@oferzeira]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

[@KevinpWalker]

This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.

[@oferzeira]

You wont regret it

[@Jl12345-z]

you said "it feels like someone got away with playing a really long practical joke on you." Dr. Ramani. That is it. I always described it as the "Thriller" Moment. In Michael Jacksons Thriller theres this part where the girl is standing there with her mouth open and the camera zooms in as she finally realizes Michael Jackson is not who she thought he was. I think the Thriller video captures Narcissistic Relationships PERFECTLY You begin to see it everywhere. In your family, your parents, You expereince your own Zoom in. And it changes your life. You realize your family is not who you thought they were.

[@Caymot]

That's arguably the worst of the things I'm dealing with now. Realizing she never was who I thought she was, realizing that I have all these wonderful memories of beautiful moments we shared together, memories of this wonderful, amazing woman and none of it was real. Not a thing.

[@veggiet2009]

​@@Caymot yeah, and for me (Golden child) seeing how i enabled/excused her treatment of others, without thinking more than just "oh she had a hard childhood"

[@realhealing7802]

Narcissistic parents set you up to accept abuse and call it love. I made too many excuses for bad behavior. I am still trying to heal from my narcissistic family system.

[@christinelamb1167]

I used to make so many excuses and rationalizations for other people's bad behavior. No more! If someone consistently acts like an a$$hole, there's just no excuse for it, and I don't have to put up with it.

[@gayleberger5476]

@@realhealing7802 So did I make too many excuses for bad behavior, but as a child it becomes the norm. In my 40’s after therapy and a new relationship, I began to adjust what was acceptable and what was not. 👍

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

You can and will, I have too. It takes time but you can..

[@NANASplash]

My dad was an abusive alcoholic narcissist and my mom was a paranoid schizophrenic. Crazy house! 2 of my siblings are schizophrenic, 1 committed suicide at 21, one has crippling anxiety and depression, one is a narcissist and there’s me. The truth telling scapegoat.

[@MP-ut6eb]

Trauma?

[@NANASplash]

@ In spades!!

[@christinaculver5678]

My “family” denied my Truth and made my mind split(schizophrenia). Some Truth Tellers are schizophrenic. I’m so sorry that your family had to go through the Abuse cycle. Abuse makes anyone crazy(with or without a mental illness diagnosis)

[@NANASplash]

@ It absolutely does. I can remember, quite clearly, laying in my crib at 18 months thinking something is wrong with this. This is not right or fair or safe. It’s sad that we were forced to live this way, and it was cruel of them to do it.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@christinaculver5678schizophrenic can be a misdiagnosis- possibly CPTSD

[@youngblood8540]

Would you rather be feared or loved? Narcissists: FEARED! It lasts longer.

[@diamondgirl7997]

That was my Dad 😢 he wanted to be feared and in control

[@MP-ut6eb]

My father...

[@ricabenita1379]

Then there's the narcissistic parent who wants to be loved but terrorizes their children into 'loving' them...

[@susankeith326]

My mother

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

Sad but true, I should consider covering this on my channel.

[@kristofvanhooymissen7785]

You are one of my heroes in my darkest hours. Thank you so much.

[@TheNintendoDScollector]

New day and we made it this far. Good job everyone.

[@loridillon1617]

Growing up in a narcissistic family made me feel I have no choice in any of my relationships. I'm always wrong and bad if someone sees differently than me. I had to give in to them or change my mind or I will be punished in one way or another. It's taken alot of work to heal these thoughts and feelings. Thanks for your help💕

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Me too. The feeling of dread and "Not again!" when the person I thought loved me turned on me and told me I am worthless and disgusting. Horrible to live with these people, being punished for existing.

[@christinelamb1167]

That's it exactly! I never knew I had any choice whatsoever in my relationships. I thought I just had to go along with anything and everything! This has been the biggest turning point for me in my recovery, to know that I always have a choice, I always have options.

[@gayleberger5476]

@@loridillon1617 I was always wrong and bad for thinking different thoughts from my mom. I turned into someone with no opinions. After therapy and a second husband who empowered me to use my voice, I am now confident in who I was meant to be. It is possible. I was a lucky one. 👍

[@BriannaPresto]

I always feel helpless. I felt helpless growing up (like my home situation with my mom would never end, then she passed when I was 16) at age 22 I got with a narcissist man and had our son and took a year or two to learn about narcissism. I’m still with him it’s been 9 years and again I feel helpless and that my situation will never change/and or I’m not capable. It’s horrible to feel helpless and not even try because your convinced you have no power to change circumstances in your life and therefore don’t try or even self destruct in ways.

[@loridillon1617]

​@BriannaPresto I realized that I had to stop putting others above me like they knew better, or were smarter, or that I didn't want to trigger their anger if I disagreed. It was my habit to take a back seat and just be agreeable to feel safe. I hated lying. I challenged myself a little at a time and allowed myself to feel the fear or anger. This is how I've been taking my power back and feeling like I matter too.

[@DS-wv7lf]

Both parents. Spent my life trying to just be seen.

[@denisedevoto5703]

Mine were both toxic too. I think my mom was a narc and dad was an alcoholic. I don't even know who I am.

[@DS-wv7lf]

@denisedevoto5703 Well. My mom saw how great and amazing I am at the end of her life. I was still there after everyone else had left her. She just passed away 2 days ago. I made her last years on this earth brighter and happier because of my agape love and loyalty. I also broke all the generational curses that were passed down to me from both of my parents. My daughter got a clean slate with me and her dad.

[@denisedevoto5703]

@DS-wv7lf great to hear about your daughter. Sorry for your loss.

[@DS-wv7lf]

@@denisedevoto5703 Thank you! ❤️

[@sallycollins8044]

Bathed in narcissism my whole life, it's helpful to hear other people go through that despair, over and over. "Of course it's all my fault. Of course I missed the mark again." After a lot of healing, and really integrating boundaries, I find myself more introverted than I have ever been, and feeling so much better. It's nice to imagine I might eventually get close to trustworthy people, but the transition has been insane but necessarily solitary. It's only in solitude I found the safety to let myself finally grow from the ground up again, to grow strong and sturdy. This work is so so difficult, and so necessary for a full life. Thanks Dr ramani for all of your knowledge. I wish I could work with you. It would be so worth it. 💕

[@mariehughey5390]

“Many shades of messed up” yep.

[@cindymartin6307]

I had the narcissistic family system growing up. I was told in therapy that i was choosing partners to try and redo the relationship I had with narcissistic mom. It was a lifetime of hell in personal and professional relationships for 63 years. Still working on myself. Hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I’m 68 and I can shine a bit of light - I can dance - I can be me- I can accept so much about myself.. that rollercoaster ride of millions of emotions- their all me. Like I tell myself here we go again!! And there’s that light right straight ahead!!

[@caroleminke6116]

I’m 66 & still healing emotionally as well as physically so I know how you’re feeling now. Someday I hope to have peace ☮️

[@christinelamb1167]

I don't know if I agree with psychology's take that we try "redo the relationship". For myself, I feel that I ended up in similar relationship dynamics because I never had a model for what a normal, healthy relationship was. I simply didn't know! I also didn't know I had any worth or value as a human being, so I didn't know I could say "no" to behavior I didn't like, and which was abusive.

[@susankeith326]

​@christiI feel you.nelamb1167

[@gayleberger5476]

@@cindymartin6307 There is!! I know. I did the same thing. But, I grew and learned how not to fall into the same traps personally and professionally after 20 years. It took a long time. But, I met a man who gave me a voice… my own voice. And I now understand what I have been missing for so many years. Good luck to you too! 👍

[@Supernaturalluck777]

Doctor Ramani, the collective gaslighting, took a toll on me. I'm making an effort to recover.

[@BeHealing]

Coming from a family of narcissists and later getting into relationships with narcissists, it took me a long time to stop thinking it was me. I realise now it’s not me, it’s them but I was brought up to tolerate things that I should never have tolerated. I no longer tolerate bad behavior. Only took me 53 years…

[@RoxyVarley]

This is spot on. I don’t have narcissistic parents and although I was confused and tried within 6 months I got my own therapist and got out. A guy I know spent 17 years with a narcissist and had a narcissistic mother had zero sense of self and had no awareness he was in a toxic relationship whatsoever. I was so baffled as to how someone could be in an extremely toxic abusive relationship and literally have no idea it was so - all goes back to childhood schemas.

[@ROG3233]

When that’s all you’ve known, that’s all you know.😢

[@deaundre]

I've grew up around a lot of narcs. teachers , friends, family members and one of my parents. Watching this video made me realize so much. I was in shock the whole time.

[@kaizen_5091]

Doctor Ramani continues to surprise me with how much she can continue to speak to my heart on these matters and give me a feeling of being heard and understood. This brings a sense of calm to the storm, thank you.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. Learning how these childhood experiences can affect adult relationships is so empowering to better identify and deal with adult narcissistic relationships.

[@bronwyntanner4501]

Narc mother. Confusing upbringing to say the least. I'm now 66. Learned so much in the past couple of years Married a passive aggressive covert narcissist. Divorced and left June 2017. Confused and broken A number of former friends No contact with them all. Learning about me

[@gayleberger5476]

@@bronwyntanner4501 I married a narcissist the second time until I figured out the pattern. My third husband helped me find my own voice. He empowered me to be me. I am now 71! That is what you must be looking for rather than to fall into the same old pattern. Good luck! 👍

[@PenninkJacob]

But the catch-22 problem is, that to "seeing it clearly" is always relative. You never know if you're being abused or being selfish by claiming you're being abused. A victim can't tell if the abuse is "normal" and is afraid to even dare to think they are being abused bc that would be selfish, or "spoiled" as in my case, so they can't ever "see it clearly".Maybe I am spoiled and selfish? Maybe the abuser is just "doing the best they can" At least that is what I struggled with for so long... Thank you!!!👍❤

[@mariehughey5390]

Gaslighting is a huge thing when you’re raised with it. It looks normal to not trust your own experience.

[@autumngryffinnheart6374]

On top of the "here we go again", I was surprised by how much shame I felt, thinking who am I to think I can have a 'normal' relationship 😢😏

[@kathyjustice1308]

So true. I am a child of a narcissist mother who lacked the ability to be a tune. I was mostly invisible to her. I did learn to be accommodating to the point of losing myself, unaware of even my own true feelings. You do as a child crave close relationships. She eventually discarded me which was a blessing in disguise. But there were many attempts to save the relationship and prove myself worthy. My husband is a different kind of narcissist as he has been a constant presence, needs me, talks to me constantly, is able to say he’s sorry but still is dismissive, invalidating, needs a lot of attention, puts people down to feel superior, overly negative, argumentative with episodes of rage, gaslights etc. Although they were different the same personality traits are still there. There is an overwhelming sense of grief realizing that. As a child of a narcissist I’ve already learned how futile it is to expect them to change.

[@kathyjustice1308]

@user-ux2mt2hc3x ❤️

[@krislindemann3277]

"..a curse you couldn't outrun." When I was 5 I had a nightmare and saw a devils face and in that face my mother's face. I woke up shaking and totally confused and just with identifying my mother's true personality (30 years later) I understand that this was a WARNING dream by my guardian angel.

[@notavailable-c9n]

It was 2017 when I realized this then 2021 moved back with family to help with care giving and OMFG!! Crazy town!!

[@km-my4un]

Narc father and mother. These broke people passed their trauma on to me.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

@@km-my4un I had to unlearn narcissistic learned behaviors! No wonder I was miserable on top of miserable!!

[@Sarahbird51]

This is a video that I can Like and Save before even starting to watch!... Dr.Ramani many many thanks to you for educating the public about subtle dynamics and effects of narcissistic relationship!... This is REAL PUBLIC SERVICE.... Thanks again

[@indigoechos6796]

My family system in general is. I don't understand why there are so many. Not everybody is but enough are

[@cc1k435]

It tends to get passed along rather than dealt with. Who knows how many generations back it goes, but there are even more participants every time. Saying no to it and trying to change it for yourself and your own family generally gets you scapegoated by the family of origin. Try to do it anyway, because it's worth it. You'll be the one who gets to be truly happy and keep your mind. 😕

[@rozicohen5167]

Covert mom and grandiose brother... it a daily fight to live a full happy health life

[@beverlyadams7205]

Spot on. Narcissistic mom, three narcissistic husbands, two narcissistic children, now I’m by myself. Yay!

[@aprilwilcox5065]

I grew up in a narcisstic family... married 3 different narcissist....now older and wiser....it won't happen again

[@BriannaPresto]

Stay single and alone if you must. I’d rather be alone than tortured and have no peace

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

I understand me all my life being abused by narcissists. And this angel young woman not from a narcissistic family telling me how crazy the narc made her!!! An me a deer in headlights!! Ty Dr Ramani!

[@hennisincoff502]

As a person on a lifelong healing journey of retraining my brain to disbelieve the brainwashing that occurred as a child who has a malignant narrsistic mother. She is still alive. I still struggle with feeling I'm wrong, broken, unworthy. Now as a grandmother, I accept that therapy will be a big part of the entirety of my life. My homework this week is to look at myself in the mirror and say I'm worthy. Hard as hell to even look at myself, let alone feeling worthy. What a serious mindfuck, an everyday battle!! Thanks Dr. Ramani for understanding how hard it is to heal from a narrsistic family of origin. 💔🥀

[@gayleberger5476]

@@hennisincoff502 My malignant narcissistic single mother died at 100 years old! I was close to 70 years old. I did not shed a tear. I felt free to finally release the guilt of being wrong and disobedient if I disagreed with her. I have my own voice now and I feel at peace finally being me, who I actually like a lot… as do others. I miss some things about her but from a more mature vantage point as someone who has their own identity. It can be done. Best of luck to you. 👍

[@ckomarec]

Thank you for seeing and validating me.

[@rachelwilson3464]

I was adopted so had no sense of self. It was not normal growing up this way and my connection to my adoptive mum was not close. There was an element of silent treatment and also passive aggressive behaviour

[@thorfritland4177]

I had a narcissistic father.

[@cc1k435]

He probably did, too. And before that, and...😮

[@notavailable-c9n]

Me too with 3 brothers. Not fun. Lots of hugs to you!!

[@Caymot]

I really couldn't tell whether any of my parents are narcissists. I need to dwell on it some more. My stepfather, who married my mother when I was five, was certainly violent and abusive. Now that I've read up on the subject, he does seem to fit the description of a covert narcissist pretty well. Very easy to anger, and sometimes he'd hit me or my siblings if we weren't acting in a way he'd want us to, and it wasn't always obvious what that way was. He's always been sullen and moody but can be quite charming when he wants to. The violence wasn't particularly frequent, but the threat of it was always hanging over us like a dark thunder cloud that could start throwing bolts at any moment. My ex-wife, from whom I've thankfully recently separated, is certainly a narcissist, though. I didn't realize until some six months ago, after five years of marriage, that this was the case. I've read up and watched a lot of dr Ramani's videos, currently reading her book "It's not you" and I'm quite convinced not only that my ex wife is a narcissist, but also that my abusive step father (and to some extent, my mother who remained married to him through years of seeing him hurt her kids) certainly helped make me a prime target for my narcissistic wife. I was a very well conditioned co-dependent, empathic, internalising, very used to do all the emotional work on my own, possibly a bit of an anxious attachment style in romantic relationships but mentally strong and hardened. Prime supply, I think. So, whether or not my parents are narcissistic, they certainly had a tremendous impact by shaping me up for accepting and enduring the bad times that were to come.

[@sallyproto2355]

I learned SO much from you… now I understand the reason why….Thank you for sharing your knowledge!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Michelle-uz2ch]

Thank you Dr.Ramani, for sharing your vast knowledge and wisdom on the nuances of narcissistic relationships. It is grounding and affirming information.🙏🕊️

[@sparkygump]

Oh boy did they set me up for this life. I no longer blame them, though, because I know no thanks to the great Dr. R.

[@RaeAndTusharOutside]

I just have to say I love you Dr. Ramani! You've helped me profoundly, more than words could ever express. Thank you. 🙏❤️

[@kristofvanhooymissen7785]

I have faith that emerging therapies can even save the narcissists. I tried everything even exorcism. I still want to liberate, even the fallen. Thank you, Doc. You are loved.

[@prettiestCarol]

I recognize both my parents as narcisists. My mom being a more vulnerable one and my father as a grandious. I'm not only the scapegoat but also a truth teller. Even as a Child I had the need to express that it wasn't right. I suffered quite a lot because of that. This experience had destroyed me in ways I can't even express. The sense of unsafety is so true. I do havee friends, even though my parents aways tried to isolate me, but I never had any relationship nor can imagine myself in one 'cause I can't imagine myself entering any sort of narcisistic relationship again. It feels too risky to even try. I'd rather be alone and safe than try and have the bad luck of meeting another person who will destroy whatever is leftover.

[@veggiet2009]

This is an interesting topic and it describes my conversations with my friend. He grew up in a normalish home, has a narc ex, i have a narc parent

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

My narc mom stole the person I could have been. That realization is crushing, but I press forward and cope. What else can you do?

[@christinelamb1167]

It is indeed crushing! 😢Now the best I can do is like you said, press forward and cope. I will never have the life I could have had, and there is so much grief in that.

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

@@christinelamb1167 I'm so sorry but God will always be there for you.

[@gayleberger5476]

@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq I got there. You can too! I am 71! It is doable. I found my voice. I am happy. 👍

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

@@gayleberger5476 Good, Im glad for you, I see many more blessing for you!

[@nerdydesi]

Wow. Thank you making that distinction clear @Dr.Ramani ! Nice to know the reason for feeling such injustice.

[@evarogalsweiss9621]

Both my husband and I grew up in these types of family systems. We've been married 25 year. IDK how we managed. The level of distrust we both brought in hampered our communication with each other and there used to be a lot of projection and expectations that the other person wasn't looking out for our interests. Thanks to me self-educating from these video we are gradually starting to see the similarities of how we were raised and how we both respond to each other. In a way it can be a strength because we understand each other but boy it would have helped if someone had explained this to us 25 years ago.

[@shiny7301]

I wish my dear, beloved mother had the opportunity to divorce from my covert malignant father many years ago. My mother would probably be alive, healthy and stand by me. I have been missing her too much😓😓

[@mariefriedmann3203]

Me too.

[@shiny7301]

@mariefriedmann3203 😓😓

[@rossanderson5243]

Miss my mum so much. I fight for her with my personality.

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

Yes me too ! Mom worked at the court house as a volunteer for domestic violence. She passed in 2001. If she could had only known!!!! Omgsh I know this feeling!!

[@shiny7301]

@@SherryTomlinson-r2y Rest in peace 🙏🏻😞

[@sherricoffman]

ThankYou 4Sharing Beautiful Sis Dr. Ramani !!! ❤ 🕊 ⚜ ⚘🕯 MuchLove

[@dawndefino3710]

Despair vs crazy. Finally healing after more than 6 decades. Too bad I need to leave many I love behind in this crazy making game

[@prettiestCarol]

Self blame is second nature to us. Because the narcisist will never assume anything. Then, the only plausible answer is that it's your fault. In therapy I've realized how I'm ignorant about my feelings because I was never allowed to express myself. When I finally learned about guilt and that you could feel guilty not only because you did something bad but because other people could be using it to manipulate you I started realizing how much I used to blame myself for not being as my narcisistic parents expected, not doing thing "right", being "rebelious", "too needy". There were so many "wrong things" in me I was feeli g guilty as hell. I just hadn't realized yet. But after learning about it I got better of my trichotilomania. It had plagued me ever since I was 12. Now as a 33 years old woman I believe I started pulling my hair as a way to punish myself because I never did anything "right". Only after I freed myself of the guilt I got free of my trich.

[@VictorN-o2z]

Excellent characterizations. If bewilderment and vengefulness describes Your experience, watch it again and take notes this time.

[@chickendesi1014]

Hi Dr Ramini, you look gorgeous in this video btw! Going no contact for the first time, and I’ll be alone for Christmas for the first time. The slander has started. Hopefully I make it out ok! It’s just a day after all right? Thanks for all your warmth and guidance.

[@purvamandlik4696]

Good for you. Don't ever go back. If you do, it's going to get harder. If you stay out, life gets better and better. ❤

[@jackee1054]

I, too, am a narc survivor (of sorts - still struggling) and I will be thinking of you on Christmas Day and I promise to raise a glass to you for taking this step to protect yourself. 💖

[@chickendesi1014]

@ stay away from the entire social circle as well?

[@chickendesi1014]

@ thank you!!! 🥹🥹🥹

[@jackee1054]

@@chickendesi1014 I would stay in touch with people who make you feel welcome and supported and loved.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

My first intimate experience was with a creep who was my boss and a hall director at my dorm. Our relationship started when I dropped a pizza and knocked on his apartment door to explain my mistake. He came on to me really hard and I was completely surprised. I was also unaware of my family issues. This was 30 years ago. I wouldn’t say the university system is safe really. There are predators. And the system protects them

[@MrPianoman12345]

Growing up with narcissistic, alcoholic abusive father and then much later going no contact with an ex narcissistic friend, I often tell myself those exact words: I should have known better. How did I let myself get hurt by the exact same behaviour. It is sobering to see the similarities in personality even tho my former friend was the opposite sex, was not a drinker, religious and well educated. Apart from all the traits they share as narcissist, in both cases you never knew which side of the person you will see. The good and bad side of them, differed so much that night and day does not even describe it. I am the only one that sees them for who they truly are, and by knowing and keeping that to myself, that is powerful enough.

[@TeulaT33]

Hope you have a peaceful holiday

[@tassedaboukherroub8850]

I love your work Dr. Ramani. Thank you for always being there and making us more aware and discerning adults. I have exprienced relationships with a narcisssist, a person with a bpd and a dissimissive avoidant. All of them were toxic or cretaed a toxic relationship that had a similar psychological impact on me, especially trauma bonding. They have in common the emotional unvailability and all had behaviours that led to trauma bonding (future faking, breadcrumbing, lovebombing, minimization of experiences, discarding, hoovering, etc.). They might not have the same intentions or core wounds, but part of their behaviour overlaps. I would really love to see a video from you Dr. Ramani on this subject. How can we become more resistent to all kind of toxic behaviours and relationaships which are not necessarly narcissistic, but have the "ingredients" leading to trauma bonding. How can we protect our selves more and better? Many thanks 🙏

[@lunaodemaris]

Love the haircut ❤

[@ForceVGeneral]

Just have to become your own Parent so you don’t become your parents.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Thanks for sharing

[@420lisia]

Looking glamorous Dr good for u , u go ma!

[@afreespiritwoman0711]

Trauma bonding has affected my both children

[@danifern7003]

Both parents are narcs

[@hoosiergirl6344]

My narc family taught me that i dont matter and my needs dont either. Everyone elss comes before me and are more important. I married a covert and same thing. Now divorced and realizing family is not who i thought they were it is heartbreaking. Im working on healing but it is really hard bc you see so many narcissists every where. It feels very unsafe. I have so much anger and pain over all of this.

[@greendragon777]

Yes! Yes! and Yes! Exactly 💯

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My stepfather was a narc 😢

[@caroleminke6116]

💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@kristofvanhooymissen7785]

Thank you, Doc. 🐢

[@shellysawchuk1190]

I had 2

[@caroleminke6116]

Me 2 ❤️‍🩹

[@RavenStealstheNight]

Both of my parents are narcissists. My stepfather is an overt malignant abusive narcissist and my mother is a covert, bpd narcissist. I've had this thought for a while now. They say a parent writes on the slate of who is child is to be... I say, I can equally write on the slate of who my parent was... My father was cruel and constantly disapproved of who I was. With my mother, I was always wrong. They were always transactional, and i never had enough of what it was they wanted. Beggars can't be choosers she would say, and that somehow accepting scraps was more than my fair share

[@marilynjacobs5375]

I'm on klonopin and prozac now to help me deal with my situation.

[@parishah7494]

Thank you

[@vyaptimehra]

Navy blue colr suits u dr ramani

[@caroleminke6116]

They’re players. Period.

[@CrystallineAlchemist]

9:27 I’m still on the fence about the narc parents, both of my fathers exhibited traits. I had a very healthy successful marriage that ended abruptly when I met my now (ex) boyfriend and father of our 7yro, 7 years ago. I totally had a I’m going crazy and wtf is this. Almost had to follow the bread crumbs within myself to find what was happening as far as the abuse and what my role was in it and the trauma bond that I didn’t even know I had from so long ago….i still can not tell if I love him or if my trauma loves him

[@patrickbinford590]

LEARNING about what is narcissism and what isn't: how much do you really want to learn about it so you can really know what it is versus what it isn't?

[@JayEss73]

What happens to a grandchild of a narc grandmother, who was breastfed by both the grandmother and the scapegoat mother (mother did NOT allow this) for at least a month. Here the violation of boundaries starts very early, baby being two or three months old. Not to mention how confusing it is for the infant to have two different scents of a caregiver, taste, touch, just everything! If anyone would like to guess, what are the consequences of something like this in adulthood?

[@notavailable-c9n]

Possibly attachment issues. That's absolutely horrible. I have a narc grandmother who ruined my mother's lifetime. I have a narc father.

[@caroleminke6116]

My guess is that the infant sensed much more going on here & grew insecure because mother wasn’t there to protect them from a very negative entity

[@stevemillar4248]

Doc Ramani, your A vs. B model excludes Group C: people who didn't grow up in a narcissistic household but still have enough mileage in adult narcissistic relationships to react as though they did. In other words, your point is about level of experience with narcissistic abuse in general, and your reference to childhood doesn't imply anything about the victim's age/EQ. But this would be a key contributing factor, wouldn't it? Wouldn't you expect more world-weary acceptance and less confusion from veterans whose experience was gained in their formative years?

[@TheKrispyfort]

What is the correlation between people who feel obligated to stay committed to a horrible person and being forced to finish everything on your plate - even when it was known to be a food that disgusted you

[@michelleroberts8204]

What about if you suffered separation anxiety at 15 months old?

[@purvamandlik4696]

Look up Gabor Mate. He tells his story of separation as a baby.

[@caroleminke6116]

Attachment disorder can develop 💔❤️‍🩹♥️

[@hollyk7052]

lol I have ocd so I never know if it’s a true narcissist because I doubt myself and then they make me double down? I don’t want to believe people are as bad as their choices and I want to look past mistakes, I’ve made many I regret, but maybe giving too many chances is also a sign that I was groomed to accept the unacceptable. :/ I wish I had a better internal guide, knowing when to let relationships go

[@renatamayumikobata]

5:54 Do non-narcissistic mothers treat their daughters like crap sometimes? Maybe I’m being a little bit dramatic, I don’t think I am, honestly, I freaking hate drama. But she has never apologized to me before or told me she loved me (my Dad has on a messenger, not in person, the man has lived in Japan practically all his life, I barely grew up with him). I just watch Doctor Ramani’s videos and want to be aware of it. I don’t want to quit watching your videos, why would I? Your channel is... you are amazing. I’d rather not say anything ’cause I always end up being wrong. What would happen if you mentioned the word narcissistic to them? Maybe it would wake something devilish in them? 😂 That’s my crazy thought! And, I do my best to avoid arguing and getting angry, but I’m human, but I hate it (arguing). Something in my soul tells me to just be silent, maybe it’s my heart, follow it. And, I don’t know all types of narcissists (yet), I’m a bad student. JUST KIDDING! Hehehe! 😅 I’ll watch those videos eventually. I hope my mom never reads this comments. Oh, well, she doesn’t read English, so she’ll never find this channel. Sheesh! If it were the other way around, she’d be the one watching this channel, but I’m the one who lives with her, 😂 it’s her house. I told my dad about this channel, but I don’t think he will read this comment, but just in case... “Daughter, what the heck did you say, narc...?” 😅 🙄 Edit: I had a great childhood, grew up in the 90’s, no smartphones, no social media, my parents would always say no if I asked for a phone; didn’t know a single word in English, just started learning it later at 11 (2002). Adolescence: Crap! Lots of unrequited crushes. 😂😂😂 Adulthood: A-OK. No complaints.

[@marilynjacobs5375]

No I never saw all of what my mom did and didn't see it in my 1st or 2nd husband until a year ago.

[@reettaelina]

Both parents and ex-husband both children etc. and me abandoning me. 🥀

[@annetteencalada2667]

I need to re-listen again. I am struggling and I don't like the dark want.. How do I change things?.

[@marilynjacobs5375]

Yes, I'm not me anymore. I need a trauma counselor who is Christian.

[@marilynjacobs5375]

My mother, 2nd husband and 3rd.

[@gayleberger5476]

So very sorry the cycle repeated itself for you. 😥 I finally got wiser and tried not to repeat the pattern a second time and lucked out. But, it Is not so easy for many and I understand that.

[@georgirancour198]

neither parent, but i was 15 when i met narc, so was he, so i had a pretty good sense of self, but was soon told that im NOT shirley temple and everyone does NOT like me. i said, of course they do, im nice,if they dont, theyre bitches. well, i was right, but he convinced me that i, in fact, was not shirley temple. 40 years and 4 kids later, im out and happy, im still nice, but also can be a cynical bitch, but its survival/thrival, baby.

[@chaitrakeshav]

❤

[@MaddieReed-e9c]

You're doing a fantastic job! A bit off-topic, but I wanted to ask: My OKX wallet holds some USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How should I go about transferring them to Binance?

[@mac-ju5ot]

My mother was absolutely fantastic but my dad we t through wats on a shop for eight years .Dad traumatized us by acting too stern I kived them both so thats where it got hard .ge saw me as weak vevause i went to therapy as a child. Its alm iver town..the beogbhors talk Bout me .. they call me stupid

[@Saurischian]

Say I got a hotel room..... would you come?

[@jasonteddy5302]

Did you ladys get the texts I sent to my mother about the snow workers air heaters and nebulizer and mouth pieces, so their lungs dont freeze their core temps to death. ? Low pointing lights from the face guard of the masks and top glare blockers ? Or the dive store and paintball mask women don't have that sort of thing to adapt to the women workers up there, hand and glove warmer body suits like I said over the years? Good fur and the body heat and lense effect warmers ... come n, why are you resisting me on thisand those things...

[@merlinwizard1000]

86th, 7 December 2024

[@patrickbinford590]

Mastering adult relationships CAN be seen as a wonderful challenge rather than "ugh," here we go again.

[@rossanderson5243]

No. Mother's are the best. Games are for children. A mother nurtures your personality because the child wants to be like dad; strong and out there facing reality. A mother looks into a babies eyes and sees goodness, and it's in her heart her whole life. She nurtures a personality to face reality. Mother's are the heroes of the world.

[@runswithraptors]

No. Mothers destroy their children in order to keep them around in old age because they have run everyone else out of their life all while blaming others.

[@runswithraptors]

You are right, they see the goodness and want to destroy it because they are jealous

[@rossanderson5243]

@runswithraptors exactly! Jealousy with women is strong meaning competition is strong. Amongst themselves, they tear down those who try and want to rise above them. If you're a male and caught up in that, then you are fodder for them.

[@robertmueller2023]

Are most of them polygamists?

[@cc1k435]

I don't know if she's speaking of polygamy specifically, but I think that polygamy might require a fair amount of narcissism to want it for oneself in this society.

[@thelordcomanderwhocriedwolf]

No.

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

Doubtful.

[@caroleminke6116]

Autoerotic

[@Jypsyz]

Thank you for my life renewal process 🙏 ✨️ 💜 you are amazing and I really 🙏 🤲 🕍 that I watched and saw and heard you and David and Terri .... a dream coming true is unfolding in my life! You most definitely have been a key that unlocked my suffering and now your helping reverse my health🎉 You are AMAZING

[@kdddreport]

Dr. Ramani, Please make a prolonged video on the topic of ‘Parasitic person’. Thank you so much in advance!

[@JoshuaOliphant-k1y]

Who what types