Dating someone who was with a narcissist BEFORE you

[@TrippyKitty08]

Being with a normal person after being with a narcissist is like going to heaven. I wasn't used to it. When my now boyfriend and I started seeing each other he gave me a hoodie and I cried.

[@treeze_it7800]

So sweet. I react that way when anyone is kind to me. Kindness is so healing.

[@Caneladorada]

that's the bare minimum

[@dark_skindreamer4026]

My now boyfriend is like wow every time I do anything for him. Unfortunately his narcissistic ex wife is still trying to control him through their kids. It’s a very difficult situation for us

[@mickeyimmanuel]

I would’ve cried too lol. ❤

[@Tyndalic]

I cried over a sandwich! Real talk.

[@theglobalvagabond3074]

Finding someone that "gets it" after a narc relationship is like finding a nice warm fire in the cold, dark wilderness.

[@NarcSurvivor]

If they have been with a narcissist, it could be very helpful for you with building a relationship. If they’ve been with multiple narcissists, there could be a problem with paranoia and distrust.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

That's me, having had two ex narc's, no exaggeration in the least. Trust is a huge issue with me, and my current husband made a damning mistake of telling me that I don't trust anyone. This is coming from a man that proclaims to be a Christian, of whom he portrayed himself to be during our dating period, including the love bombing as well. During our almost three years of marriage, I have caught him in so many lies, as wells as lies by omission. He's an obvious hypocrite, but saves that part of him for me, never the church. I am working on my exit strategy now, after just getting a clear bill of health from another rare cancer scare.

[@M_SC]

@Narc Survivor yea, narcissistic abuse can also make a Non-narc act in some narcissistic ways. Like assuming others are lying, treating conversations as things to win, attacking vulnerabilities. if you’re in a hostile situation for a long time then you become a competitor instead of a relaxed person.

[@komalmasood6927]

@@M_SC wow so true I was thinking why this was happening wd me noe I realized how my narcissist friend made me through this. Damn...

[@markaamodt1508]

May be if you all study your experiences of the GOLDEN RULE in the urantia book paper 180 section 4 you would have of your unspiritual interpretation s to no end of sorrow and untold unhappiness or read the rules of living paper 147 section 4 ps it only take 5 minutes of you life but will change it for eternity

[@violindalola]

Yes! I am going through that right now with my new partner. His mom is a covert narc and his ex was and he is very empathic like I am so hes very cautious and I am just being patient with him and nurturing through all of this. I love how we appreciate each other and are there for one another when we are down. I havent had that in a partner before it was only just mainly me giving and giving. I do hope over time he can trust me more and his paranoia subsides.

[@lithiumike]

It fully hit me after my therapist said I was very lucky that I got out without children being involved with that family.

[@cherieswannhanson1482]

I feel this. I wish so hard I could go no contact with my children’s father.

[@courtneyinlow4011]

My husband and I both had narcissistic relationships and children with our exes. We did not get it right the first time we tried to be together but a year later we ended up back together. We have been together for 17 years now and I can confirm that it has been healing, and sometimes triggering, for both of us. It is very hard to watch someone you love going through the same things you have experienced. Our exes very much tried to use the children as pawns at times as well. However it is amazingly validating to have someone around that just "gets it." He is my best friend and we have helped each other heal through some crazy things over the years. We have made each other better and stronger versions of ourselves. Trying to explain the nightmare you lived through to someone who has not had the pleasure of having a narcissist in their lives is almost impossible.

[@Nutritionistheanswer]

Thank you! I have started to date someone who is also a survivor of a narcissistic relationship. It is wonderful that he gets what I have been through. He is so kind, and the most thoughtful person I have ever encountered. My heart breaks for what he has experienced. I know I have experienced a lot but I don’t think of that when I hear of his experiences.

[@courtneyinlow4011]

@@Nutritionistheanswer I am happy for you and I hope your relationship turns out to be just as healing for both of you as well!

[@Nutritionistheanswer]

@@courtneyinlow4011 thank you! So far it feels like this tremendous blessing full of respect, value and compassion. I knew things were headed in the right place in the beginning when he wanted to be friends first.

[@TheScapegoat420]

Great comment. So true.

[@youareworthit9663]

So happy to read your story. ❤️

[@rachelnelson5608]

My heart is sinking for the children that go through all that.

[@ushere5791]

the deep-seated overwhelming fear of being replaced...that really says it all.

[@Adam-xi3vi]

I am recently divorced from a narcissist so this is extremely helpful as I’m now back in the dating community.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

adam, did you wait one year before getting romantically involved as dr. r recommends. If so, was it worth it

[@flyprincess69]

I waited 3 years after being in 2 back to back N relationships and yes it made a difference.

[@Adam-xi3vi]

@@lifewithapurpose237 I have been separated from my ex for over two years. Divorce was final just this month. I’m not even trying to rush dating yet. I’m going to take it slow and watch for red flags.

[@Molly-eq1ix]

PLEASE! Take some time (and therapy if needed) to figure out what you are looking for and how to set boundries. It's so easy to repeat what you've left. Chances are you had issues with your parents so you don't have a good sense of good expectations. And keep a good sense of humor. As you go through this process, you're going to have some crazy experiences which you will need to chalk up to learning. Be kind to yourself in the process. I wish you happiness!

[@flyprincess69]

@@Molly-eq1ix taking time is how I cured my codependency

[@MeowMeow-yw5xt]

Once you're done with narcissist you feel no need for intimacy like hugging, holding hands etc because you're so used to stoping yourself from doing it in narcissistic relationship that at the end of the day you don't need it anymore. It's sad and awful.

[@connor6309]

I thought my ex partner was with a narcissist before dating me. Turns out, she was a covert narcissist. Sometimes it is possible for people to masquerade their own hidden narcissism by projecting it onto how bad their previous partner was.

[@artfuladjunct8224]

When you are in the relationship long enough, you see people for who they are.

[@RippleDrop.]

@@artfuladjunct8224 Indeed. Always give time before painting a future with a new person.

[@georginikolov1141]

Learned this the hard way

[@artfuladjunct8224]

Honestly, my ex bf mentioned that he was being abused. I should have educated myself asap and asked more questions to know what kind of behavior to expect from her. Sometimes people are telling you the truth and then you get decimated in the fallout of a toxic relationship that had nothing to do with you. If someone says they are being abused - believe them and suss that stuff out until you get to the bottom of the problem. Know what you are up against. I am left in a state of the worst mental health I have ever been in in 53 years, and I am only collateral damage.

[@JH-td4mn]

Yes, Coverts are very good at gaining sympathy and appearing genuine and they lie by omission too. I was with a psychopathic Covert Narc who convinced me his ex was a lazy, drug addled, neglectful mother who beat him up and threw him out when their relationship ended. I didn't understand about reactive abuse or that Narcissists can convince authorities to have sole custody of their children or step children. Be very careful when people tell you horror stories about their exes quickly, and you don't have a way of hearing the story from the other person.

[@guytero8812]

My present wife and I were both in relationships with narcissists. We have been together for 25 years and our life is so perfect now. Both of us are so happy and we never, ever argue.

[@jessicaderosa9625]

You give me hope

[@WitlessSod]

Looking forward to getting there.

[@barbmack2384]

awesome...there is hope....you and your wife are an inspiration to us all who hope to find love...true love...🙂

[@guytero8812]

@@barbmack2384 Thanks so much Barb. Anybody who has been living with a narcissist needs to go on an Imago Relationship training course. It turned my life around. You won't be sorry. Unless you actually understand how the whole thing works it doesn't help. You will always land up with an abusive boss, abusive friends and an abusive partner. Now I'm so hypersensitive to anybody trying to take advantage of me I nip it in the bud before it even starts.

[@sarahfrey8105]

mk

[@Soso-jb9kv]

My husband's ex is a narcissist. We've been together for six years and she has mainly moved on from trying to ruin our lives because we're keeping very strong boundaries. Things have gotten better but honestly if I had a time machine I'd go back and tell me six years ago to really consider if it's worth it. I've got all kinds of crazy people in my family but the damage narcissist make is on another level.

[@claudiasolorzanovasquez2022]

I totally get you, I’m in the same boat as you .

[@dominiquejones6758]

I’m in this boat now. She trying to ruin our relationship and lives. Constantly uses the kid against us. She’s insane and I’m wondering if he is worth it…

[@AestheticDeftones]

I feel the same I’m 2 years in but really rethinking this relationship. His ex is beyond crazy

[@RoseThePhoenix]

I have a couple narcissistic exes, and I'm currently with someone who hasn't said the ex wife is a narcissist, but the behavior 100% points that way. Fortunately, there's no kids in either case, the ex wife is a couple thousand miles away, and I've gone no contact with my exes. There have been some heavy things to wade through, but the relationship is going SO amazingly. We're both just so grateful to be appreciated and understood and we go out of our ways to do sweet things for each other. It's been really, really nice.

[@lynettecaballero1660]

Another good 1. Brought back memories of when I went through this. My ex called my friends for sympathy and attention and told lies to not be responsible and look good. He cancelled last minute,changed plans,went against court orders, withheld my time, changed our child's school ( saying his school was better, it was just more convenient for him,he didn't care that she lost her friends and convinced her it was better for her,,,all without my knowledge til the principal called me.) When I started dating,he hired an attorney to take me to court to ask for more custody time and money,asked for our child to not be around any men I dated. His attorney quit on him. He still took me to court represents himself,told the judge he didn't want her around other men( double standard,it was ok that his girlfriend did and took her places,picked her up from daycare etc... All to take care of his responsibility and help him out,, I see he was grooming her too)The judge told him he was controlling and didn't want to see him in court again. My guyfriend even came and was ready to defend. My ex really got nasty after losing. It went on for years ,my health suffered,anxiety attackserc...I had no idea then of how narcisstic treatment impacts us. I first heard the term about him going through a catholic anulment. It takes a very caring,understanding partner to get through. So happy after she turned 18,no more of his negative energies and covert,manipulative narc behaviors.Last saw him at her graduation from college, he was still full of contempt,faking being nice around others. Your info helps so many! Wish I knew then.God bless you!! Life is better!

[@afterthestorm9355]

I just realized I held my breath while reading your comment.

[@jenniferdavis3483]

@@afterthestorm9355 I remember for a long time I had to remind myself to exhale when I was stressed. I held my breath all the time. I think our body has a language all its own and it knows when we’re under stress even when we don’t realize it in our brains. I hope you’re seeking some support and I will pray for your healing!

[@afterthestorm9355]

@@jenniferdavis3483 oh yes, I am in counseling with a qualified professional. I’ve done a lot of “work” for well Ed’s-so I am intentional about breath work. So when I find myself holding my breath, I’m still surprised!! Thank you for your prayers, Jennifer. I appreciate that so much!

[@lynettecaballero1660]

Let's all keep praying for each other and the whole world!💖🙏😇

[@afterthestorm9355]

@@lynettecaballero1660 AMEN!!

[@seanlee7054]

Omg this is perfect! I'm in a relationship with someone who was with a narcissist and she is the sweetest and most caring person I've met. Unfortunately the narcissist, makes her feel like a bad person and sometimes a bad parent. Thanks!

[@sweetorchid]

Yes! My partner and I both came out of long term narcissistic abuse from our past partners. We are having to navigate our healing together. We understand how the other struggles to unlearn the trauma so we are so gentle with each other's emotions.

[@DiscordBeing]

Taking tips from this on how someone else will see me when they date me in the future

[@komalmasood6927]

Yes plz

[@Molly-eq1ix]

YES!!!! It's so hard to figure out how to avoid getting trapped in another relationship!

[@stefanieporges1325]

I would love this.

[@AlphanumericCharacters]

I don’t see how I can ever trust anyone again. I was very trusting. “Without trust there is no relationship. Love is trust.” That is how I thought. And I was right. How can I ever love again or function in a relationship if I can’t trust?

[@theshilkykadam]

Same!

[@PITTSBURGH06]

DR. RAMANI YOU ARE THE BEST..WE LOVE YA AND APPRECIATE YOU..🥰

[@korab.23]

Something I heard when I stood up to my childhood abuser that stays with me: be the adult you needed when you were a kid. This keeps me focused on what's best for them.

[@lauries2757]

Was in a relationship with someone for 4.5 years and I believe he and his ex were and still are very codependent on one another. However there is so much more to the story. In the end I told myself, ‘if I stay in this relationship, this is how it’s going to be. Nothing is going to change.’ I decided that it was in my best interest to leave. The end of this month will be one year and if I had to do it all over again, I’d still make the same decision.

[@cherylthompson2731]

My Sweetheart was co dependent with his ex-wife and He couldn't seem to get away from her because she was always "sick"!! It's sad. He was a sweet guy and we lived together for a year.

[@treeze_it7800]

Proud of you ❤

[@Kellygluckman]

I've been waiting for this video! My new partner just got out of a 20 year marriage with a covert and vulnerable narcissist. There are no kids involved and my partner is truly psychologically ejected from their relationship. She lives multiple states away now and the only thing she has left to hold hostage is their divorce proceedings and asset division (which she is indeed holding hostage). He's choosing to be cordial with her just to facilitate the mediation process. She hasn't reached out to me at all or done anything creepy or inappropriate yet. The biggest challenge I'm finding in my relationship though, is the psychological damage and trauma my new partner clearly has as a result of being belittled and criticized and treated as disposable for 20 years. His confidence and self esteem have been deeply impacted and I would love a video on how I, as his new partner, can support his growth and healing.

[@kirstenschweder5348]

Spot on. Wish you had made this 8 years ago . I was so naive that people like this existed and that it just goes on and on I wouldn’t have believed it ! Now I just watch nodding in agreement . This will save someone a lot of heartache and growth 😉

[@wolfgangk1]

In all likelihood, if you had heard this 8 years ago you wouldn't have fully accepted it but you would have at least had a seed planted that would later sprout you into seeing the light.

[@raneemta8341]

I wish I knew this few months earlier 💔now I’m struggling to let him go he keeps coming then ghosting and I know I know I have to let him go .. I can’t describe how it feels it sucks

[@Pink-Butterflies]

After my narc ex don’t think I’ll date for quite awhile. I really don’t recommend anyone date until they’ve completely healed from a narc or any toxic relationship

[@lifewithapurpose237]

perhaps cuz they think they *'really'* did a # number on you

[@Pink-Butterflies]

@@lifewithapurpose237 I look at it as a valuable life lesson learned.

[@lauradoran2596]

I've been healing for over 4 years and still don't feel ready. Even the thought of being in a relationship with a narcassist makes my skin crawl. Plus, there is no way to know for sure whether someone is a narcassist until sometimes months later. No thanks! Maybe in a couple more years. 🤔

[@heatherbaker5035]

@Mary Carroll They do a number on you, don't they? I am just not interested in dating. It is overrated.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

@@Pink-Butterflies pink 🦋 tried responding to you but post goes bye bye. Posted on regular feed. if you look for it now before the 1.5K comments are added as they usually are on dr.r channel

[@susanlacey1615]

My husband's narcissist ex would use the kids to try and cause problems. Luckily my husband and I were aware of her games. Him growing up with a narcissist mother helped him manage his ex-wife, but was also the reason he attracted the narcissist ex-wife. We attended couples counseling and family counseling. It was tough but we survived. Now we have to help our children not attract a Narcissist partner as well.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

"when we meet and fall into the gravitational pull of a narcissist. we are entering a *ꜱɪɢɴɪғɪᴄᴀɴᴛ ʟɪғᴇ ʟᴇꜱꜱᴏɴ* that involves learning how to create *ʙᴏᴜɴᴅᴀʀɪᴇꜱ, ꜱᴇʟғ-ʀᴇꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇꜱɪʟɪᴇɴᴄᴇ.* through trial and error (and a lot of pain), our connection with the narcissist teaches us the necessary lessons we need to become *ᴍᴀᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴇᴍᴘᴀᴛʜs."* luna & sol

[@wolfgangk1]

‼PERFECT‼ Dr. Ramani packed A LOT in that short amount of time. As a therapist, the takeaway was that the person dating someone who was with a narcissist BEFORE you, needs to be realistic 🙉. I've seen the scenario COUNTLESS times where a person enters into a relationship and has no idea of what they're walking into because they've never experienced anything like it the dynamics. HOWEVER, most folks don't heed the alarms of the new love interest obsessing and pulling YOU into their games with the former narcissist partner. The sex and companionship are not worth the drama and potential impact on your reputation

[@patriciamountain8732]

Thank you. I divorced my narcissist after 40 years. He is still not out of my life completely. This opened my eyes to the ways I am hurting my wonderful new man.

[@artfuladjunct8224]

Cut the ex out of your life as much as possible. Give the new guy a real chance. I never got one.

[@simplyauthentic2022]

Cool. It's like the suffering never ends.

[@MajorieRoyal]

Kind of... I'm dealing with constant flashback of things from the ex relationship and it affect my current boyfriend as sometimes my brain doesn't distinguish who's who

[@jenniferangel7181]

I was the 1st relationship my husband got into after his narcissistic ex. To say it was difficult is an understatement. She did everything she could to try to ruin him, me and our relationship. As far as false accusations against him to get a PPO, she called my job to try to get me fired, called our church to bad mouth me, etc. Fast forward 2 years. We are married, have sole custody of the kids (she has no visitation), have been no contact with her since January, she has discarded the kids and now lives on the other side of the country. All of us are healing and growing. I also have a narcissistic ex, been divorced 15 years. This made it easier with my husband because I knew the traits, nothing she did surprised me because I'd been through the abuse before.

[@ML-di8lt]

I would love a video about what people who are freshly out of narcissistic relationships need to unlearn. Or at least some things that they should watch out about bringing to their next relationships; over apologizing, hypervigilance to jokes, avoiding confrontation to a fault, etc.

[@genevalawrence801]

I second this request. I found the hardest part of my first post-narcissist relationship to be the stuff in my own head.

[@AlphanumericCharacters]

Wow!!! You hit the nails on the head with that last sentence. I’m most afraid of jealousy from me. I can’t see myself ever trusting anyone again. I gave her my heart and soul. Made myself so vulnerable and she crushed my heart and wiped her boots on my soul. I feel I will be forever closed off and distrustful.

[@deeh5126]

I hope this doesn't come of as snarky, because I do not mean it to be in any way... If you will watch a lot of Dr. R's videos, you'll learn all of this. I understand the desire for a condensed list- but that is likely to go in one ear and out the other. I have found that the more I learn (mostly via Dr.R), the more this info becomes ingratiated in my being. I have seen some lists pf red flags, but none of those video can I call, or anything said in them. However, since so much of the information is repeated, in different ways and applied to various situations, and I have watched a bunch of the videos, I have learned it I learned how to diagram sentences, I have a good base of knowledge to pull on in my day to day life. Watching is kind of like studying for an exam. I don't know if that makes sense :/ TLDR: keep watching Dr. R's channel, go back to old videos, and you will know and be able to stop the red flags to steer clear of.

[@marilynfenwick7586]

Yes please to this video idea 💡 🙏

[@-_Somebody_]

@@AlphanumericCharacters same! Never again! I’m literally gray rocking all conversations of people I just met. It’s got to be like that for at least 2 years, and then it will be steps to the top. I was dumb in my 20s by giving my heart and soul to a guy who took advantage of my weaknesses. My innocence is gone 😢 Watch out for people who want to be your friend. Narc women fxck over women too out of jealousy. Anyway man, good luck to you in your healing.

[@rsatviksharma3006]

Dr Ramani, i have a request. I really, really would love to watch a video where you explain the differences between mutual abuse V/S reactive abuse V/S abuse. And how to forgive yourself for the triggerred, dark behaviour you have shown in the narcissistic relationship. Thank you so much! You have helped me through 2 whole years of abuse

[@MrTwinkieeater]

@doctorramani yes please. Another vote for this.

[@orionseal117]

I am currently in a relationship with a Narcissistic victim. Some days are extreamly difficult. Have yet to meet the EX

[@comments3179]

He said his ex was a narc. Turned out he was the narc. Sometimes they give warning signs early on. Pay attention.

[@ceamean]

This channel... Dr Ramani has saved me. I got out of a 38 yo relationship with my narc mother and finally realized what was wrong with my ex. I suddenly started gaining a little weight bc all my life I was skinny due to all the stress my mother was giving me. For the first time I'm actually really living. I have the experience of a 16 yo bc of her controlling my everything! I'm ashamed I didn't dare get out sooner.

[@LneenDay]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@LneenDay]

I. Conquer at 48yrs young (old..lol)

[@bw834]

after i left my toxic relationship it was very hard for me to engage with new partners. i found i was punishing/aggressively testing them and withholding myself based on my scars from the prior experience…. it’s a deep wound and long lasting. :(

[@glitterginger]

Definitely feel the wounds that lead us to be careful and cautious in new relationships. But maybe some of that is good. Going much slower allows us to see thibgs unfold naturally. After so many months people can not keep up any act that is not real, nor can they act when big things hit the fan. My old pastor used to say "when you get squeezed, is it ketchup that comes out or mustard?" Meaning, you can pretend to be something, but under pressure truth comes out. I have been suspicious of people when they may not have deserved it... but I have learned now to trust lightly WHILE not putting myself into a situation where trusting them would harm me either.

[@lifewithapurpose237]

Flag 🚩, when they refer to their former relationships spouse or boy/girlfriends as *'crazy'*

[@jessicaderosa9625]

Not always my ex told all what he did to his ex's but at that moment i was already adicted.

[@glitterginger]

Or when they never confess they did a thing wrong in a relationship over a decade long. Like, you can not find ONE THING that you found you needed to work on? There is a serious problem there... everything is someone else's fault and they will be doing the same to you

[@authenticallyoma9744]

This was so helpful! I’m newly divorced from a 35 year marriage with man diagnosed with BPD and NPD tendencies. We were separated for almost 4 years before it was finally over, due to his constant manipulations. I wonder how things will be if/when I enter a new relationship. This really helped me to keep my head on straight and know what I could expect.

[@renle485]

How did he manage to get a diagnosis? Was it a court ordered Assessment? The reason I ask is because most won't go to therapy.

[@lynettecaballero1660]

I suspect my ex would have had a dual plus diagnosis too. I didnt matter... It was toxic,confusing, unloving, covert,sick,ungodly,abusive behaviors he chose to do! Glad for these channels to get away and heal.

[@lynettecaballero1660]

In the end...we can learn,heal and get our energy and control back.💖🙏

[@authenticallyoma9744]

@@renle485 He actually was going to therapy for a time. Got diagnosed with both plus auditory processing disorder

[@lovinilcesoir]

I love that you mentioned about my kid and how the narcs kids were used to get info. To get info for 8 years now which messed him up, he actually believes his life is so bad. The damage is difinitely noticed with many things. Over all I think he has done well. He's 18 now and his maturity is really starting to shine through all of it which im so grateful for.

[@ravenwing8842]

Option 3. 19 years ago when neither of us knew what narcissism really was. My ex was my best friend who really did a number on me and partners ex was relationship. Add narcissist Mother’s on both sides, dead Father’s on both sides and narcissistic brother on partners side, combined with various narcissistic relatives on my side and mutual friends that have also been narcissistic and work environments that also tick the boxes and finding Doctor Ramani has been akin to finding an oasis in a desert that was my prior life! The Healing Program is making a noticeable and positive difference to my mind. It’s very much the reverse of the gradual head f**k that eats away at ones sanity and sense of self in a narcissistic entanglement, The Healing Program for me is gradually repairing and disentangling the mess and restoring my sense of self. Thank you Doctor Ramani.xxxjools

[@ld9862]

I don't have these issues but just the sound of your voice is comforting.

[@johnjohnstone9805]

Getting Smarter About Narcissism Everyday. Amen

[@MrAdeptusMechanicus]

I am currently in a relationship with a woman who is going through a lengthy divorce with a narcissist. They have a child together. He has picked an altercation with me, after had me tied up in the court system. Keeps trying to get the state to lock me up. Going as far as attempting to use social media items shared, such has postings on facebook. Those post on facebook openly call him out as a stalker for his behavior. Seems to be under the impression that some how im wrong for doing so. He is the type of guy who believes yellow and green make blue. He has tainted his Childs view of me and the mother with his lies and behaviors. Constantly has emotional outburst anytime the child brings my name up. I know this behavior wont ever stop. The constant Bully then victim behavior. I anticipate more legal complications from this individual. He is using his wealthy mother's money to try and ruin two lives. All because she stood up and grew tired of his abuse!

[@SM-om5jn]

Document everything! I'm so sorry you all are going through this.

[@hepo4819]

Dr. Ramani, I have been waiting for this video for months! You have NEVER DISAPPOINTED! The focus of this video is the first exception. I hope there can be a quick part II. Now or later, I know you will nail it. Here is what I missed in this video...the GIANT explanation of the formerly abused person's behavior. I am so banged up after this survival (albeit barely). I am unfocused, I have zero trust in myself and my evaluation of ANY TYPE of relationship, I trust no one else, I am triggered by so many things, I have inexplicable (to the uninitiated) non-negotiables, I can't say I love you, I can't be excited about my new partner in the way I know I "would have been", I constantly explain that I am not who I was, insisting that person is gone, I am abruptly adamant to not ever marry again or if I do that THERE WILL BE A PRENUP, I am immediately embarrassed and triggered in public if my new partner has even a whisper of a "thing I think I've seen before" even if it isn't, I am in a constant state of openly assessing with my partner about interactions outside the relationship that trigger me or cause self doubt - adding to my deeply held suspicion that I can no longer accurately assess ANYTHING, and by the nature of that, casting doubt on my assessment of my partner and what we may have, i don't like the new person I am and I miss the old me. On top of all that, I try desperately to explain what I have suffered and how it has affected me, while thinking the whole time how insane I must sound. The desperation of a person who was abused deeply, but ONLY physically abused once rings nothing short of "made up", "not that bad", "exaggerated" or the like. It sounds that way to my own ears, how must it sound to someone that hasn't been abused this way? I am going to confidently assume it wouldn't be the first time you have had a Narc Abused patient say they would have preferred to have been hit or beaten, because at least that is something everyone understands. How do you explain to someone that you were not the one that was messed in the head, when in fact, NOW YOU ARE! It borders on the Shakespearean "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." I don't know, nor am I confident, that the things that have changed about me can ever be reversed, despite being well-educated, self-aware, vigilantly watching videos presented by the foremost expert in her field, in therapy etc. I am sure glad my partner tries to see past that and likes me for who I am now...I just don't see that kind of patience lasting very long, as it is a rather large "ask". A part II that explains who their new partner is, why they are now that way, and a fair assessment of any potential future person they "may" be able to return to and WHY, would be the video I could send to my wildly patient and understanding partner. For those with children and custody BS, I am grateful for your emphasis on that for their sake as they do outnumber the childless, like myself and my partner. Despite that, I still had a 9 month court battle over utter garbage on the basis of my ex's a) outright and unimaginably improbale and illogical lies that no human with a functional brain could conceiveably believe b) inordinate number of mental illnesses he is the unfortunate bearer of c) desire to hurt me in every possible way he could dream up. d) immense and illogical distrust of ME when it was he that engaged in the only nefarious, abusive and destructive behavior. And my partner got to see the whole thing play out because I erroneously thought we were about to come to a sensical agreement. NOPE. So let's tell these poor unsuspecting folks who dare to love us what the real deal is. Yes, it may require some brief restatement of important behaviors that NPD delivers which affect the abused persons in so much as they might be tied to the behaviors they have caused in us. I can't ask my partner to go watch my carefully selected 73 videos that would put it all together for him. I think I'd die of shock if anyone did that. Please help Dr. Ramani!

[@diandreabrown8711]

I relate to so many of what you said, especially the first paragraph describing your experience.. i am trying to date someone or get to know them and have sent them this video and surprisingly they had already watched it. Honestly.. for anyone to stay and go through this with someone.. it is courageous. We have to radically accept that who we were is gone hun... I as well used to stick to missing the old me as well but, that naive girl is gone. Rebuilding my life now and it has been incredibly difficult but we must push through. I hope you are closer to being not the you youve missed but a better you that wont allow this hurt to happen again ❤.

[@agingchill9012]

Exactly! And your new partner may return to the narc even years later only to hoover you after that relationship again fails. It can be a vicious rollercoaster of triangulation that can include their adult children too. Ugh.

[@bsuever]

I have been in a relationship with the first case here (ex with children) for over 4 years now. Our marriage/relationship has been a beautiful experience but the drama, pain, gaslighting, etc from the ex has literally been a nightmare. I have lived through an eating disorder, toxic parenting, left and cheated on by my ex husband and NOTHING is as horrible as what I have been through in the past 4 years. She is covert, controlling, manipulative, and paranoid. The trauma and gaslighting the children (3 of them) have endured has been so painful to witness. The worst is you see it all and have absolutely no power to change anything. Anything you do is used against you. I have been in step parent support groups and have seen cases far worse than mine and I can't imagine how they stay. Doctor Ramani. Thank you! I cried while watching this video and it was so validating. I feel understood and I am so grateful.

[@simplyyyfab_u_lous_3266]

Thank you. This is really helpful. I needed to hear this message. Painful exp. for my sis- in- law. she got out, she's at peace now unfortunately impacted her and the children. Very toxic and renders you powerless, I agree. You'll forever be in survive mode and from full anxiety to being on your toes always. Your videos are so validating and absolutely helps smone as we watch. Huge shout out to you and the amazing team for the work you do. God bless and keep you safe. Dr. Ramani😀🙏🏾💞💞

[@jasonmerchant2451]

Thank you, Dr. Ramani. This is exactly what I experienced with my last relationship. The triangulation with her ex, that she co-parented with, caused such a rift and turmoil in the relationship. He dangled the threat of running off with her children if she continued seeing me and ultimately it caused the demise of us. She would also take a lot of their arguments out on me, so I believe she either was narcissitic as well or that his narcissitic traits rubbed off on her.

[@robster7012]

Happened to me as well. She talked a lot about her narcissistic ex but after 7 months(when I walked away), I wondered if she was one as well. Either she was or it had rubbed off. I'll never know

[@pnguyen4120]

You think the narc’ex has developed narc traits n behaved like a real narc ? Do the love bomb devaluation gaslight discard ?

[@keena1204]

I never remarried after my divorce 17 years ago because I didn’t want to put someone through the horror of co-parenting with my ex for so many years. My kids were very young and our divorce was very contentious for many years so it was pure torture for me. It would of been pure torture for any partner of mine, too.

[@marieborchardt2910]

Sometimes you really do need to put your children first. I agree with you and Dr. Ramini. Be strong. ❤

[@cherrybacon3319]

After being with a Narcissist then socialising with someone who is a bigger Narcissist is a threat to my Sanity. The thought of it makes me feel like not ever bothering to hope again. 🍒

[@seanbernicek]

We cheer for you abundantly doc

[@Bpdbryan]

I’m in a long term relationship, first one since the narcissists and it’s certainly come with struggles. something happened early on which reminded me of the ex (even in a room with the same colour walls) and it sent me into a spiral, close to taking my life and also overreacted. I felt like such a monster due to the ptsd symptoms because my partner wasn’t my ex but it was like I was back in that situation. You’ve done videos about non-abusive people saying similar phrases and that’s what would trigger me, my partner might say “that didn’t happen” or “I didn’t say that” and I automatically went to “he’s being abusive”. Every now and then I can still get reactive, but luckily we are such a good couple who constantly work on boundaries.

[@emmaday4491]

I have been with my partner for 2 years. We first met 25 years ago and he was the most romantic, loving and affectionate man I'd ever met but we split and he went on to marry a narcissist. Now its taken these past 2 years to try and help him recover and become who he was which is exhausting at times.

[@pavanatanaya]

Amazing that you outlined the behaviors of a Narc ex so accurately...They are experts at fawning for data so they can torpedo plans> They even try to charm family court judges. If they lose in family court, they try the court of fawning. If you are a step parent, there is no template to survive these relationships.

[@gigibtsurvivor3348]

THIS IS THE MOST ACCURATE AND VALIDATING POST. Thank you!

[@hjordiswolff]

Dear doctor, after dating a narcissist and lived the full cycle, I met a sweet compassionate good man. At first it was so hard for me to give it a try. But I could not be more happy now, because this relationship is healing me. We are both very sensible and caring and share the same values. I am learning to dominate the awful schemes my narc parents installed into myself. He is even paying for my therapy and most of all he loves me despite my problem with the food/weight (which I use to cope with my parents). He is working to start a new life with me, to get me out of this house and let me finish my studies and get my life back. I wish all of us survivors could meet a man like this. It changes everything to be really loved for the first time! But most important, this man doesnt do anything that can trigger my dependency. I am learning to be self-standing. it is so hard, but I am trying really hard to get my self-esteem back, my life-goals back, my serenity back. I still live with my narc parents and it is lonely at times. But I see the light. Loving youself, get out of the narcissist relationships, will bring you the right people. You have to be strong and say NO to the abusive people! This will change your whole karma. Good luck everyone.

[@joannalopez5447]

AMEN 👏😉

[@garycordle5295]

This is so true Dr RAMANI that's why my circle is small but mighty, block them on everything if possible 👍 Dr RAMANI and survivors and thrivers 🙏🦋

[@marymarks7046]

This is good food for thought. I am coming up from leaving the home my husband and I own together to an apartment where I am living in peace most of the time. I have one daughter who lives with me and the other lives with her dad. They are high schoolers. Once our youngest daughter turns 18 I will file for a divorce. I have set boundaries and we seem to be getting along ok. However, I heard that my husband is having vivid dreams where he talks in his sleep and he has been brought our daughter to tears. My daughter says he sounds crazy. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I don't think he has returned to counseling or takes any medication that was prescribed to him. She is always welcome to live with me, but doesn't want to live in an apartment. Because I am still married I will not get involved in any "love relationships" or date until I am divorced. I don't want my daughters to think that having a relationship while I am still married to their dad to be acceptable. I am still on journey of healing and there are things that trigger me but I have been working on not taking things personally and not agonizing over any texts or try to unpack what I think he means. I am actually looking forward to the day when I can say yes I would like to go out for coffee or a cocktail, dinner or even a movie or whatever. TFS Dr. Ramani.

[@nicolamills8003]

Good on you! Healing is a good idea to concentrate on for now, and loving your girls unconditionally and spending time with them. Coffee dates with them are the season u r in now!

[@joannalopez5447]

Mary Marks, Good for you. Stay strong and Positive!!!!👏💪🙏

[@marymarks7046]

@@nicolamills8003 Thank you for your kind words.

[@marymarks7046]

@@joannalopez5447 Thanks you for the encouragement ❤️👍

[@roxystarlite4106]

I stayed single for 2 years after I escaped my son's father because he was so vindictive that I didn't want to put anyone through that. I worked toward getting a restraining order(justified not just because) and after he figured out he couldn't control me through our son he lost interest in even seeing his son and I finally felt safe engaging in romance again.

[@anonymoususer4866]

I have learned to not talk too much about my exhusband to my current husband unless absolutely necessary because it causes disturbances in our relationship when i do. Also, it helps me go about my life. I reserve conversations about my ex for therapy sessions with my counselor or for anonymously posting online or in support groups. This is a boundary i set in my marriage in order for us to be happy and not allow my exs insanity bother us.

[@glitterginger]

Yep. I learned too.

[@viktoriah.5445]

Ff

[@JoaoPaulo-ez3wk]

I am in that relationship now. And it is so hard, so challenging to see the women I love to go through this without any light at the end of tunnel

[@MonstrosityMuse]

I don’t know if I’ll ever be in another relationship. How can you explain it to someone what you’ve been through? If my ex person even sees me out in society trying to make friends the smear campaign starts again. EVERY friend I’ve tried to make has been contacted by the person or has already heard the horrible lies and rumors about me. I don’t know what’s worse the totally isolation or constantly having people tell me these horrible beliefs and opinions they have of me. How are you supossed to be able to develop self esteem and self worth when this is happening. How is it possible to feel like there’s not something fundamentally wrong with you- when the whole world treats you like there is?

[@nicolamills8003]

Can you move and start fresh, otherwise this will be your life forever?

[@MonstrosityMuse]

No I can’t. I’m a caretaker for ailing grandparents.

[@valb9963]

🙏 🙏 🙏 I feel this is what happened to me too

[@inaj27]

OMG almost 1 million subscribers, !!!!! I followed this account when it only had 40k subscribers! Congratulations 🎉🍾🎊 Dr. Ramani ! Thank you for your insight and light 💡

[@Gnomesmusher]

I just broke it off with someone who dated a narcissist before she dated me. She was just too messed up. She couldn't trust me fully. She distanced herself from me. She had troubles being intimate with me. I gave her over a year together but I saw no progress and honestly it was hurting my feelings because she treated as though I was the one who hurt her. Her narcissist ruined her.

[@KatWoodland]

@Gnomesmusher if she’s still messed up after one year of decent treatment by you, then her ex narcissist isn’t the problem. She is.

[@diandreabrown8711]

Please do be gentle with yourself. Healing is hard even after a year, and anyone who says otherwise doesn't know what it means to be in a narc r.s.. it doesn't make u or her a bad person. she needs more time.

[@dittemller9611]

I wish this video had been up 5 years ago, i spent the best part of 5 years in someone elses messy, very much not sorted, traumabonded coparenting situation, it ruined everything.. and i am still confused as to wether he might have been a narcissist too, or if his bounderybreaking behaviors, and lack of empati was due to the constant manipulations from the ex.. It was the worst relationship and she was a constant sorce of grief, energy theft and confusion, about 80 % of our relationship was centered around her.. and the limited say i had over the situation left me feeling powerless.. every time the issue was raised, he promised me that he was completely out of it, and would get it sorted, he did, blocked her, comunicated only via email, and in two weeks time she'd have wormed her way back in, this happened what feels like a million times.. I finally left feling gaslit, manipulated and drained.. I had to deal with my own narc coparent, but i decided the course of ation, no contact unless absolutely nessesary, but i couldn't make my partner see sence, he insisted they be "friends"🙄 I left 4 month ago, went no contact, life has been so much easyer and happyer with they two out of it😊 I just wish i'd realized sooner how destructive this was😏 Thank you so much for all your help i've gotten from this channel over the years dr. Ramani❤

[@thereisnoninadria]

My hub’s ex hates me for helping him stand up for himself when she was used to jerking him around by using their son’s “wellbeing” as a cudgel against him. As a result, she became so vindictive and hostile. My poor stepson is still caught in her mind-F games but he does know she’s not a healthy person to be around. As someone who has a narcissistic mother, I know how hard it is to face the reality that your own mother will never love and accept you wholeheartedly. I don’t really know how to help him beyond offering validation and understanding. She has really screwed him over. 😔

[@marieborchardt2910]

Wow! I've seen this happen, not really understanding these narcissistic relationship dynamics at the time. The narcissist strikes again, a destroyer of good people, families, friendships. Evil.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Just,.... Wow. You are so amazing for putting this out there for us like this, Dr. Ramani. Fantastic insights and advice. Thank you!

[@davefried81]

Thank you for clarification. I understand my partner more and more with the information provided.

[@aliciab4236]

Your new membership program is fantastic!!! The journal prompts alone are worth more than you are charging. Thank you for putting that together.

[@lynnegeldenhuys9176]

One of the absolute best, most insightful videos on the subject of narcissism and being with someone who has a narcissistic ex and children! Thank you so very much for this content. It resonated so much with me and a situation I had personally previously experienced. Much love and appreciation for your work Dr. Ramani.😊

[@aliciarussett5857]

Wow. I've had the campaign started before I could even get the chance with a new relationship!

[@emilym.2830]

Am I the only one who thinks Kanye's public narcissistic abuse following his break up has really brought the topic of this video to the forefront of our social consciousness? I keep reading so many of us identifying with what we are seeing play out in the public. This video really made me wonder how many people reached out to Dr. Ramani after thinking of their own experiences after seeing this drama play out. I know every time I see his abuse it makes me think of things in my own life. Thank you for hearing us Dr. Ramani!

[@rebeccaf8915]

I recently finished my year hiatus from dating/relationships, but I’m terrified to get back out there, so I’m taking my time. I pity the man who gets to deal with all this…

[@brittanymcdonaldbarr1106]

I too felt the same as you and swore off dating until I was healed and over the trauma bonds. I was friends first with a gentleman I knew for a while and this helped me to trust that he was not a narcissist. I didn’t plan to ever date again or for a long time. This gentleman was willing to deal with my manipulative ex and I think he at times feel it is his duty to help and stand by me. I don’t know why he would do this and enter a relationship with me and three kids knowing first hand what I’ve gone through but he had not wavered and has been supportive. Granted, I took time to heal and not bring in childish/ dramatic behavior and only the realistic things my ex still brings to the table. If it wasn’t my ex husband involved, we would have a “normal” relationship/ life. Good luck to you and I wish you well.

[@seanlee7054]

I entered my first relationship EVER and it happens to be with a woman who just left her narcissist. We started talking right after they separated as friends and we've been dating since September. She has children with the man and we're doing our best to put the interest of the children first. So far, (I hope I don't jinx it) we have been doing it right. It's a difficult road but she's worth it. She brings me daily joy, therefore I am happy daily. She feels bad for me sometimes but I would tell her from time to time, " I love you more than he could ever hate you."

[@cyndigooch1162]

@@seanlee7054 That's beautiful and I wish you both, along with the precious children, all the VERY best for the future! 😊

[@heshambassuony9833]

Finally an answer to lots of my questions, Thank you 🙏

[@alenamaurice2812]

Oh, my! You've described my situation perfectly! I co-parent an adult disabled child with my ex who is the narcissist. I am in the middle of litigation, trying to remove his co-guardianship. My new partner is dealing with my situation as well as can be expected. (We met when others of our children were in drug/alcohol treatment.) Needless to say, we've both endured major stresses throughout the decade we've been together, and we realize that I'll always be required to deal with the narcissist, even after the litigation ends. It's quite the situation.

[@LittleRedRidingPole]

I was in a narc relationship and my new boyfriend was also with a narc in his last relationship. It’s a struggle sometimes for sure. But it also helps because we understand each other. No shared kids on either side thankfully

[@tinaf600]

Thank you so much for this video. My husband and I are both survivors of narcissistic exes. I was with mines for years and years. He was only with his for maybe two months he realize who she was quickly without understanding narcissism. My husband is just one of those people who will not tolerate nonsense. In those two months he got her pregnant. This is baby number six for her was about four different fathers. So his five-year-old son's mother is doing the most. We're in court spending a lot of money with a lawyer while she has a free lawyer in really not caring. My fourteen-year-old son now clearly sees his father and his action through his step brothers mother. So my son knows and he has said out of his mouth he can help his stepbrother. What a blessing it is when both sides could understand and help and support each other. My son has been away from his father for over a year. His father would rather pay his lawyer to fight me in court to claim that I have not allowed him to see his son versus just buying a plane ticket so we can split it 50/50. I'm happy my fourteen-year-old son gets it and clearly sees it. Of course it hurts but this will help him be a stronger person and hopefully make better decisions than I did.

[@brianshocklee2021]

"Do what's best for you and the children." I like how you don't just say "leave," keeps it really open-ended in a grim, nefarious sort of way.

[@chrisescobedo2392]

I wish I could have watched this video three years ago. I’m fortunate and great full I was able to see it today. You are spot on. Bullseye! I wish I had the extra money and time to talk with you about my experience with this. Take care and a very big thank you!

[@stacycurrie3438]

Thank you, Thank you. This has been me for 6 years. Listening to your videos (for a year and a half already) has helped me understand and learn. I would love to hear more on the topic of dating or marriage to someone who has been in a narcissistic relationship. Also I would love to hear more on how to build relationships with step children who grew up (and are still connected) with the narcissistic parent. Thank you!

[@heatherbaker5035]

Working to find me. Lots of work ahead of me, including getting financially stable. Once divorced, I'm not dating. Staying single. It's too much trauma and wounding.

[@downtownssandiegosfinest8305]

I've been with my partner on and off for the past three years. She's still technically married to a horribly abusive man with narcissistic personality disorder, but thank the universe that he's now locked up in jail for his fourth DUI, with first degree strangulation charges pending stemming from a domestic violence incident with my partner where he tried to kill her. Our situation is incredibly complicated because my partner is diagnosed with BPD, and has gone back and forth between her husband and myself more times than I can count because every time she left him to be with me, he would harass her non-stop, and she would end up going back to him out of guilt, and fear, and shame, with him getting more abusive, emotionally, physically, and sexually each time, with the last incident almost killing her. Now that he's locked up, I feel a lot more secure in our relationship, but we fight more than ever, and she clearly is suffering from post traumatic stress, but refuses to get help for it. My partner is the love of my life, but our relationship is in shambles, she is falling apart, and I don't know how to help her. It's the most helpless feeling in the world.

[@joannalopez5447]

Be Patient, loving, kind. She needs to seek professional help ASAP!!!

[@downtownssandiegosfinest8305]

@@joannalopez5447 we've been seeing a couple's therapist, but she hasn't really been committed to it, and I've been encouraging her to find a therapist for her to see one on one, even going so far as offering to call her insurance to find the phone numbers for her to call, but she keeps declining my offers. I understand that this is something that she needs to do for herself, and that I can't help someone who won't let me help them/doesn't want help (which is sometimes the case, because her BPD diagnosis will frequently make her "split" and say that she doesn't want to get help anymore), and I'm trying so hard to be patient (and after 3½ years, I've developed the patience worthy of sainthood), but it's not only damaging to our relationship, but it's also really emotionally draining, and I often worry about the state of my mental health, because I have my own issues that I'm trying to manage/deal with on top of everything she's going through. It's just really rough, and I wish there were more resources for people with BPD who are also suffering from severe trauma from narcissistic abuse who aren't rich because, sadly, it seems like all the outpatient DBT programs don't take medi-cal, and cost a literal fortune; and most therapists are the same, if we can even find another one that is willing to take on her diagnosis because we were incredibly blessed to get in with our couple's therapist, who we have to pay for out of pocket. Are there any resources for our situation that won't cost me the equivalent of my soul?

[@joannalopez5447]

@@downtownssandiegosfinest8305 The biggest source i can suggest is Our Lord. Don't know if you're a believer that God can heal through prayer. If you can find a place that deals with alternative medicine this is also helpful. I will keep you in my prayers. Be well 🙏

[@LEM19284]

THIS is MY subject. Before I listen, I’m interstate in this phenomenon because I feel they’ll be the only type I can trust! They will not be a narcissist, they’ll be anti-narcissist. Same category as me.

[@M_SC]

I just don’t date at all. It never occurred to me that I could seek an anti-narcissist! What an idea! My mind is blown

[@Molly-eq1ix]

After I was widowed (my late husband was a narcissist) I started dating a man whose DAUGHTER is a narcissist and she had her daddy wrapped around her little finger. I had to leave the realtionship because he was afraid I wouldn't meet his daughter's expectations...and I never had the opportunity to actually meet her in person. I do have to give the guy some credit. He endured my craziness of getting my act together. But in the long run, I see his daughter was (and should) be his main concern. The whole idea of how to get one's act together after a narcissistic relationship is daunting.

[@machielvanderschoot5180]

My girlfriend and me are both survivors of a toxic childhood ánd antagonistic exes (indeed, I didn't use the N word but that's intended). The level of understanding, calmness and patience has never been more easy than ever.

[@afterthestorm9355]

Dr Ramani, you appear to be healing also. Your countenance is more lively. I pray for you and your extended family. I appreciate this video because I feel for even my close friends, because I’m still impacted by the toxicity. I’m much altered-so no romantic relationships for me until I feel mySELF emerging again!

[@minaskyes9611]

You just described the last 10 years of my life; it was a terrible relationship that cost me tons of money, my marriage, and almost my sanity. I had to walk away from my husband (whom I loved), because I could not deal with the cruelty of his ex and their son.

[@NATALIEKING1976]

Damn it. Here I was thinking that the nightmare will be over in two years 9 months one week, when our daughter turns 18. Now The Doc is saying 20-30 years. I know she is right. I have plans to leave the country to end his stalking.

[@nicolamills8003]

Good idea.

[@katie195]

After my experience - I would never allow myself to “date” again. I would happily socialize - but only as 1of 1 After a careful life - my catastrophic choice of a partner - I’m done.

[@realliving7340]

I'm with you!

[@NiijiAl-Haqq]

After ending the second marriage and having experienced damage and watching my children suffer, I don't want ANY contact or shared anything with him. Sneaky, vindictive and unable to control his anger and substance abuse isdues, there's no way I'd want to continue any type of shared parenting/joint custody arrangement witnessing the hurt my children have had to endure. Dating is definitely not a priority-healing and establishing a loving and safe environment free of toxicity is. Thanks again for your professional insights 💞💯.

[@ianaiurceac9136]

So true ! Patience of Job or skills of a spy To make plans that nobody knows!!! ❤😂

[@fightswithspirits915]

I will never date anyone who admits a narctoid ex. Just did that. Very damaging. She worse than a narcissist because she carried their flag and put them first. Totally co-opted. Well, she said her ex husband was a narcissist. Who knows. Whatever it was, she didn't care about me, wanted me to stay forever, but placed a narcissist first. So disgusting.

[@arielklay23]

I went through the last situation after my toxic ex left me. I ended up in a relationship with someone with a toxic ex and I will tell you, although it was a short romantic relationship, the man I ended up with did not put up with my toxic ex's nonsense and told me flat out my ex was being abusive and more importantly, told me the healing words I needed to hear, that I was a lovely person who deserved better!

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Ariel Klay,You deserves better

[@Donja.z]

I have this problem. I'm not dating because I am taking the advice to take atleast a year off. My narcissistic ex already told me that he will not allow another man in the same house as our daughter. He wants to justify it by coming to me with all types of stories about boyfriends and new husband stories where the kids are.... abused. I then come with stories of great stepfathers! He wants to dismiss that and claim that the bad part happens more often than the good ones. I want to trust my own instincts in keeping these evil people away from myself as my child. He thinks of me the same as those mothers who let their kids be abused because the mother doesn't want to be lonely. I then state that he clearly doesn't know me and never knew me. If that's the case, why put a baby in my arms? He even threatened me... saying that he will do something to me if anything happens to our daughter. I'm still in the loop of keeping him away at all times but it breaks my heart to hear our daughter ask where her father is and that she misses him. A friend tells me to have no contact with my ex but it's eating me up to leave our daughter heart broken.

[@M_SC]

Youre both still trying to control each other. Don’t argue with him, just because he says something doesn’t mean you have to prove it’s not true to him.

[@M_SC]

Legally and morally your daughter may have a right to access to her father. Even if he’s garbage, small children may benefit from him.

[@Donja.z]

@@M_SC control each other? I don't want to control him at all. I can't control him and he can't control me. Me countering his stupid mentality about me isn't me trying to control him.

[@hecatecreates6623]

I could have used this years ago. I'm in a long term committed relationship with someone coparenting minor children with a malignant narc. I have kids, but they're grown and out of the house. We don't live together, so my kids have never really spent much time with his kids and never without one of us around. His ex has a new husband/supplier and she is the one who left the marriage. So I don't have the direct intrusion that I've heard of. But she just takes up so much space in my partner's head. And the few times I've come into direct contact with her, she does try to draw me in as if she and I are both victims of her crazy ex. Which usually only rewards her with a look of 'wtf?' and after all these years, I've never once spoken to her directly. But the eldest child is definitely a flying monkey and that has added to the turbulence of this relationship. It's gotten a lot better lately because my partner is now starting to see it, and I've finally gotten him to work on his own fleas. It has helped me to watch videos like this to understand better what everyone in this family has been (and is) going through thanks to this woman.

[@Josh19981]

While I have no interest in dating, even two years post-break-up, being single and having acquired a bit of ‘post-narc wisdom’ gives me the luxury to take my time getting to know someone and seeing any future potential partners in a range of circumstances, how they respond, how they behave, etc. My last relationship went ahead very quickly after feeling like I’d met Mr Wonderful…didn’t that bite me in the ass! Thanks, Dr Ramani x

[@EclecticKnowledgeCenter]

I just want to say thank you Dr. Ramani. Watching you has helped me realize that I have done so much healing over the past 6 years! ❤

[@bananafloat27]

My ex just left me. She was with a narcissist before me. The narcissist didn't really interfere, but I think my ex internalized some of the abusive behavior and turned it on me. It's hard to believe she would do to me those cruel things that were done to her. But she did.

[@artfuladjunct8224]

He pretty much did the same thing to me that she did too him. I didn't see that coming.

[@GangstalkingReality]

Going through it. She is withholding intimacy and trying to make me jealous so I went no contact immediately

[@smith452011]

Oh my gosh... Didn't even think of this! 🙄🤦... You know I am GONNA KEEP my 👀 OPEN!!! 🕵️‍♂️

[@sleepyhermit5758]

I just broke up with my narcissist day before yesterday partially thanks to you! Thanks so much for this