Three Practices to Minimize Conflict: an Early Buddhist Perspective

According to the teachings of early Buddhism, one of the main sources of conflict is our attachment to views and opinions. We will look at three practices that can help us relax around our views and hence live a wiser, kinder, and calmer life.
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[@DougsDharma]

✅ Check out this video next on what the Buddha taught about beliefs: kzbin.info/www/bejne/i6quqoiCfdKKepo 🧡 If you find benefit in my videos, consider joining us on Patreon and get fun extras like exclusive behind-the-scenes videos, audio-only versions, and extensive show notes: www.patreon.com/dougsseculardharma 🙂

[@chriskaplan6109]

A penetrating and wise lecture in this video. What really struck me was the pause, the silence, between words and sentences. There's a peacefulness and a deliberateness and calmness in your speech and manner, and it's always helpful in bringing me back to center. Thank you.

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure, Chris. I know usually I tend to speak kind of fast (it's a habit of mine), so I'm glad at least in this one I gave the words a bit more time! 😄

[@bartfart3847]

Doug, I do not know you, but I truly want to thank you for all these videos. I have PTSD and I have trouble with conflict and anger. These practices are full of wisdom. Thank you for brilliantly presenting the dharma.

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure, Bart. Glad they are useful to you. 🙏

[@uuutuuube3691]

I think it's great that you are responsive like this - practical buddhism - really excellent.

[@DougsDharma]

Glad to hear it's useful! Thanks John.

[@anicca6877]

Good to see you posting often😀

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks Sanket!

[@photistyx]

Nice video! I find it helpful to remember that 'my' beliefs are only possible in a socially constructed context. Beliefs collected, held, filtered, and elaborated in the minds of countless millions of people over innumerable generations float through me and sometimes intertangle with each other, and when they do, it is tempting to say, "That's mine," just because the place where I saw it was 'inside' me. When I am lucky, I can remember to be more humble.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes exactly photistyx, well said!

[@joannethomson9667]

This was brilliant to listen to, loved this. Very useful perspectives on beliefs

[@DougsDharma]

Glad it was helpful!

[@paulinewqi]

It's been only a few days since I followed you in your video lectures.... WOW!!..... You are causing a kind of tsunami in my mental state. I am beginning to question my beliefs, and, as you suggested, I am reflecting upon my life and my values... Your lectures are very profound, sometimes touching into the deep crevices of my mind....yes....in a way, tormenting, so much food for thoughts and reflections.. Thanks so much opening up my mind...💝🌻 Tqtq

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome Pauline! I hope you find it helpful. 🙏🙂

[@charliecastillo2011]

I tell myself a lot of the things you mentioned in the video all the time, but somehow only now did these things finally click. Especially as someone who is a perfectionist, this video was extremely refreshing. Thanks for posting the video!

[@DougsDharma]

You're very welcome Charlie! I actually did a video on perfectionism awhile back that might interest you: kzbin.info/www/bejne/moDWi2mdbtV6b7s

[@philosophical]

Clear and helpful. Many thanks.

[@DougsDharma]

You’re very welcome! Thanks for the comment.

[@pastlifeconnection8225]

This was very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure! 🙏

[@johnzapata2837]

Doug, you killed this one, dawg. Thank you for the wisdom.

[@DougsDharma]

Very welcome John! Happy to oblige.

[@laurenpickles287]

This is what I really needed ! Thanks so much ! Loving the KZbin channel. Buddhism really taught me many things- peace and love

[@DougsDharma]

Glad to hear it Lauren, thanks for your comment!

[@pedrofvale]

Really enjoyed your take on epistemology. Thank you Doug!

[@DougsDharma]

My pleasure Pedro, glad you found it useful!

[@tedlanz5038]

2 insights that I would like to contribute here: 1) I think that there are truths that are just self-evident regardless of one's preference or beliefs. 1+1=2. This is obvious and does not change no matter where in the universe one is and is very unlikely to change till the end of this aeon. 2) I think that it is not 'truths' itself that are the problem but our attachment to them as if we own them. Likewise, our attachment to beliefs as if we own them. But, do we really own them, in the same way that we assume that we own our bodies even though we know that we really have no control over it. The Law of Thermodynamics will eventually see it decay to its constituent parts much like everything else in existence. Socio-economic-political beliefs have as their basis of existence taken from the material world (in samsara) which is ever-changing. Yet we think it belongs to us as if there really is someone inside us that can own it. For myself, 'truths' stand on their own and can defend itself but I would gladly concede to people who believe that 1+1=3 if that will keep everyone in a harmonious relationship with each other! :)

[@DougsDharma]

Exactly so Ted. The truths are the truths, our opinions about them don't make any difference.

[@frankli7848]

nice speech

[@DougsDharma]

Thanks frank!

[@rocco2181]

I will watch it over and over until I am able to cultivate it in my daily life ..thank you ❤️ I love your videos ✌️

[@DougsDharma]

Wonderful Pubg-Sabji! 🙏

[@studentofspacetime]

Very nice video Doug. I have a question: For many of us, the Buddhist path has gradually taken a central place in our lives, it becomes a priority. But the more this is so, the more emotional attachment arises to the Buddha's teachings themselves. I often find myself getting irritated when I'm immersed in a typical Western-minded setting, where people fundamentally believe that "people don't change", that life is a zero-sum game, etc etc., whereas the Buddha's path is ultimately a positive take on humanity and on life. What's your take on how to handle one's beliefs and attachments to the Dharma?

[@DougsDharma]

That's a tough one Andrés. I think part of our practice has to be at least becoming aware of the problem here. The dharma may be true, but part of that truth is that it tells us to relax around our attachments to all things, including the dharma itself. It's a journey though, a practice, and so we will inevitably find ourselves getting irritated from time to time. When we do, it's something to notice and practice with, and to try as best we can not to let result in harm.

[@studentofspacetime]

@@DougsDharma Thanks for your thoughtful answer Doug.

[@The-Rain-Ninja]

Attachment to views is a great point in this video.

[@DougsDharma]

Sooo important ...

[@j.walterbland2317]

Is there a difference between a "belief" and an "idea"?

[@DougsDharma]

Well yes, a belief is something we take to be true, while an idea may not be. That is, we can entertain an idea that we know is false.

[@nuwanperera1977]

Good video Doug, the only view that never change is the right view (or samma dhitti) if you get to that level in my view. You mentioned that Physics didn’t change much but I think it did too if you look at the theoretical physics area.

[@DougsDharma]

Yes, sure. The difference with physics is just that it's been somewhat slower to change, particularly when we talk about the macro-level of things moving near the same speed and acceleration as we do. But this is just a general point, and of course if you look in detail there are all kinds of changes in all the sciences.

[@nuwanperera1977]

@@DougsDharma Yes, agree and see your point. I think having a view is one thing but clinging or attaching to it is another. Once you cling on or attach to a view (or anything for that matter), you build “Me” (my view…). And now you have the task of maintaining this “Me” - this is dukkha. I think what you mean as non-self is that “Me” is just a mental fabrication and not some sort of existence, because it is created by attachment or clinginess (raaga, dwesha, moha). Now if I map correctly to one of your previous videos, dependent origination is the process of making “Me”. This is my take away from this video.

[@Mus4shi15]

Hi, love your videos. Where do you feel you are along your path if you don't mind me asking?

[@DougsDharma]

I consider myself very much a beginner, learning as I go. 🙂

[@NewEarth25]

I remind myself the 'middleway' is to recognize and avoid attaching to unwholesome, unbalanced, unkind, reductionist, biased, incoherent, absolute, personal, unexamined, harmful, rigid and polarized views, beliefs and opinions.

[@DougsDharma]

That's right Susmita, thanks!

[@snapdnb]

Hey, i have a question: how should one start practicing and which path should one take or is there any "universal" school, because I really like the ideas, but after informing a little bit there are so many different paths and schools and it makes it very complicated to find a place for oneself. thank you:)

[@DougsDharma]

Great question sven but one I can't really answer for you. As you say, there are many different approaches and you have to find the one that resonates with you the best. On my channel I highlight the teachings of early Buddhism from a contemporary, secular perspective, but not everyone is down with that approach and that's fine. No one approach is right for everyone. If you want to learn more about the three main schools of Buddhism see my earlier video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fHLEq3l6eJ2gbK8

[@snapdnb]

@@DougsDharma hey thanks for your answer! i'll have a look and inform myself more. i am very thankful for your help🙏

[@beanfam1743]

Hey doug great video. Have you ever considered becoming a buddhist monk?

[@DougsDharma]

Well, not seriously. I'm too much of a layperson, and too secular to fit in with traditional monastics. Though I might consider a monkish life somewhere down the line when I'm older, who knows?

[@ouou456]

hey doug, i've been thinking about a few things lately. i don't mean to be combative at all; these are just questions that have been bothering me. in secular buddhism is there any value in saying mantras like om mani padme hum or practicing rituals like making the mandala mudra during meditation? is there any value in the practice of spinning a prayer wheel? *adding this after thinking about it some more* the idea of meditating for the benefit of all sentient creatures bothers me as well. cultivating a set of skillful behaviors makes sense but something about this whole thing feels selfish after meditating daily for a month or so. praying for others (for the sake of improving yourself), as in loving kindness, is an example of that. what is the goal really, outside of furthering your own "enlightenment," until you're a buddha?

[@DougsDharma]

Hi Blake, good questions. On the first one, I have an earlier video on secular practices with images and rituals that might be useful: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gXW5q6h3jM9qebc On the second one, the point of it is to diminish our tendency towards the unskillful mental attitudes of greed, hatred, and ignorance. These are unskillful partly because of the harm we end up doing to others by manifesting them! So I don't think the path is selfish -- it's meant to make us better among others, and eventually to make society better by making each of us better in society.

[@ouou456]

@@DougsDharma Gotcha, thanks! I'll check that video out for sure; it's been difficult to find straight answers about that sort of thing. Your second point makes a lot of sense, thanks for explaining that. Would it be fair to say that one needs to be personally quite far along to have any idea what might be good for others? I had read or heard somewhere that teaching dharma without a deep understanding of it is particularly harmful, even with good intent. - "Teaching," as in giving advice or explaining practices to people that ask.

[@Aldarinn]

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