Every NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2021-22 Season Full-ilation Part III)

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Part III of my full-ilation features players who were roughly middle of the pack in terms of total FGM, so why does it seem like most of these players are marginal role-players at best? It's because they are. The distribution of players' FGM totals is not uniform, so player #302 out of 605, Stanley Johnson, made 117 field goals, while the league leader, DeMar DeRozan, made 774.
Did I just accidentally do analytics there? No. Analytics would probably involve standard deviations, the calculation or importance of which I do not understand in the slightest.
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0:20 Bjelica is now back in Europe and we'll never ever find out how good he would have been if properly utilized. Note that this sentiment is 50% based on pandering to Serbs and 50% based on my actual thoughts on the matter. Second note: he totally crossed up his own teammate here.
0:30 Am I missing something or did JaMychal Green straight up SLAP JaVale McGee to death?
0:45 Lamar Stevens: OFFICIALLY better than Lamar Patterson. I feel my NBA knowledge slipping away so I have to shoehorn in references to obscure scrubs from 2015 just to reassert my eroding eminence.
1:04 This is definitely more of an Andre Drummond highlight than anything else.
1:13 We need a name for this type of shot since Ricky Rubio is its only practitioner. How about "The Icky Ricky"? Even if you think that's totally lame, you can't stop me from saying this when I do leaning bank-shots at the park. You literally can't.
1:42 Austin Rivers right next to Austin Reaves on the FGM list? There's definitely a conspiracy going on here. A really meaningless conspiracy, but a conspiracy nonetheless.
2:02 It's been a long time since denigrated layups by calling them "lame-ups". This one was well and truly lame as heck.
2:24 This looks like me trying to catch passes and make layups. I have an excuse though because my spindly fingers break off whenever I try to catch a pass and practicing layups ("lame-ups") is for losers.
2:33 Never heard of this dude in my life. I feel like the Pacers' roster features many such dudes.
2:55 We need a Jose Alvarado "craftily get a steal"-ilation, but it can't be me who makes it because crafty steals are not a box-score stat.
3:32 Taking one step in from the three-point line in order to shoot a long two is a lost art.
3:37 When a commentator says something generic like "against the big", it's because they haven't figured out which bench scrub (in this case, Luka Garza I think) is on the court for the opposing team.
3:58 I had to look up whether Derrick Rose was injured or just so washed that he appeared in the middle of Part III naturally. Turns out he was injured so that's good. The other option was making me sad.
4:07 Elleby with the...ELLEVATION!!!!
4:26 I can't tell if this got blocked into a higher trajectory or if Hill just had to give it tons of arc to avoid the block, but either way, this is a total rainbow and I love it.
4:36 Why is it that every player I don't recognize in this video is on the Pacers?
5:24 I swear I do know who Trey Murphy is, but that doesn't stop me from constantly thinking his name is a typo for Warriors/Pacers legend Troy Murphy.
5:28 Troy Brown is not a typo for Troy Murphy. He's just a different Troy.
5:32 Fancy dribbs.
5:50 Continuing the "I don't recognize any Pacers players" theme, I'm not sure who tried to stuff Landale from behind, but that was a bad idea and he got a full-on whiff of the JockStrap for his efforts.
6:25 Isaiah Stewart prematurely running back down the court is probably what prompted McGruder to shoot this.
7:02 They're joking that Len borrowed this shot from Richaun Holmes, but true Kings scholars know that he actually borrowed it from Kosta Koufos.
7:06 This was the most active and engaged that DeAndre Jordan was all season. The downward trend started at around the eight-second mark of opening night.
7:38 Being a born and bred Wisconsinoid, I can't avoid the comparisons between Dayron Sharpe and Packers legend (?) Darren Sharper. Actually, it's not even really a comparison, they just have similar names which is sort of interesting. ESPN please hire me.
7:54 Nine-year-old me who was obsessed with half-court shots is in heaven right now.
8:05 Total cookie burglary here. Someone call the cops.
8:15 I am still try to register the domain name brazzers.com for my Ignas Brazdeikis fan-site, but the current owners are being difficult with me. Don't they realize they could make way more money showing pictures of Brazdeikis than they could showing pictures of women with no clothes on?
8:25 Davon Reed actually shot 43% on threes this season, so let's not clown him too hard for banking in this three-pointer. That said, banked-in threes should count for zero points. My position on this is well-known.
8:50 That was totally a volleyball-esque set shot by Vassell. So savvy.
8:54 Nobody intends to bank in floaters from the front of the basket. Zero points.
Part IV: • Every NBA Player’s Fir...