BPD Severity - What is It and How Does it Affect You?

[@catwoman007]

I feel better single than trying to date with BPD. It's almost like the relationship itself triggers bpd, jealousy, insecurity and all these other bad things to where I don't even like myself anymore, let alone them. So I sorta push people away and then complain that I'm alone. Vicious cycle. 😔

[@kristincarlson1861]

I feel this way with friendships. I’d rather not have friends because I don’t like myself in a friendship.

[@hitshow1047]

This !!!!!

[@geraldfriend256]

Unfortunately* I understand those thoughts exactly. * Or maybe fortunately.

[@ereshkigairbx1103]

I also push people away a lot in relationships and am more prone to having my BPD triggered by my partner. But I was lucky to find someone that's willing to be extra patient with me. I explained my tendencies and as many of my triggers as I can think of, little things he can do to keep me calm (telling me when he's going to be out, when he's coming back, work schedules, any plans that are going on). Everything negative I'm feeling I will tell him and explain what thought process got me there so he understands me better and is able to correct any misunderstandings I might have had. He communicates his bad moods or thoughts with me as well because chances are I'm going to think he has an issue with me. I definitely feel the need to keep things to myself because of how irrational some of the thoughts sound even to myself but it builds on itself and if people aren't aware of what's going on in your head they won't be allowed to set things straight either. Sorry for the long response but maybe it could be helpful to someone in some way. I've spent a lot of time by myself working on myself because I've been unable to find a professional to help treat me for this, and I've made a lot of progress by changing some of my habits and approaching things in a different way.

[@annesamson5489]

Ditto - I haven’t dated in years it’s for the best! Possibly someday 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Shannon_Robbie]

I realized by watching this that "unstable self-image" is a problem for me. I never realized it before but when I'm ignored, which seems to happen a lot at work, I start to feel like I'm not worthy or good enough and automatically think people dislike me.

[@DrDanielFox]

It's great that you're recognizing this pattern in yourself. Awareness is the first step towards making positive changes.

[@Sandra-p4r1z]

I used to have servere but thanks to DBT and an amazing therapist I no longer fit the criterias for BPD. I believe in every each one of you - you can do it. Lots of love!

[@lexa9830]

Thank you for giving us hope

[@lulumoon6942]

I'm so happy for you that you recognized you needed help and worked the training program successfully! Happy life to you 🙏❤️🌈

[@anareginacoronado1147]

thank you, your recovery makes me happy, I am on my way too.

[@Sandra-p4r1z]

@F. Aduke Femi-Babalola Thank you. It took almost 5 yrs.

[@Shortkonner]

You don't fit criteria anymore????? I see myself changing in my dbt but that sounds like a dream.

[@July1st1867]

Is it just me or has anyone else become essentially a master diplomat because of the way your BPD can affect relationships and friendships? Ive noticed it in myself, i could go off at someone but once i calm myself down i find im easily able to maneuver my way back to good standing or back to how it was before rather quickly to preserve the relationship/friendship.

[@sagedandy123]

Yes!!!!!!!!

[@ARJDReacts]

Only sometimes

[@jebby16]

I have to be if I want to continue to survive and keep my job and a roof over my head. Some days are much harder than others.

[@DakotaRay-b9v]

I suck at it for sure.

[@Kiraschwarze]

I feel the need to master that, with a friend with BPD. How is it possible to connect again when pushed away for a minor reason? Difficult like hell. Frustrating

[@RyeClarke]

I saw a comment saying it's either absent or severe for them... I can relate. It's either nonexistent or really bad for me too. Everything fluctuates daily, if not hourly. I'm now aware of it. And 100% of the time, it's triggered by the person I value the most and the fear of being abandoned by them and losing them. And that fear is always triggered by jealousy. But the difference is I'm not the type to engage them head on and act out, I take it out all on myself. (I did have a history of lashing out violently on an ex-partner though, but after that I really felt sick, until now I am still remorseful and it's been several years already. I won't let myself do that ever again to anyone.)

[@jeffreyquinonez8964]

Work on ignoring all the chatter in your head. It will distort your view of the world. Try meditation and just remaining in silence.

[@emmae.2832]

It could be that you've developed Quiet or Discouraged BPD, but no matter what it is, I wish you the best

[@ereshkigairbx1103]

​@@jeffreyquinonez8964 I do well by questioning my bad thoughts and learned to doubt the validity of them, asking myself if it was warranted. I take things more at face value now. It helps a lot for me.

[@jamieevans1212]

@@jeffreyquinonez8964 The chatter started in mid september for myself. Currently on disability n coming into undestanding that my mental health was/is ok. It is mind bullying focus technology. Like someone being focused in on me 24/7 sending bad thoughts into my recieving mechanism. I was in the process of continuing my goal of a house cleaning business but it got so bad that disability was what i was basically forced into. So people plotted against me and tried shredding my perceptions of reality and r still currently trying to currupt my mind thought area. They swarm me at night in my bed breach into my home and have been extremely dibilitating. Working on cognitive piveting as whomwver does this to me will follow me wherever i go. It must b a game for them. They try to gain access to how and what i m thnking n dominate my thoughts. I can hear them now either outside of my apartment or from a remote location or in another house in the aparment complex i live in. They tried to make me like an insane agent of chaos n still try. They brees hostility n anger inside of my body through mind focus manipulation. They sent vouces n now 2 broadcasts coming from the inside of my skull. I rarely do anything because of this. They almost succeded in putting out my spark. The choas n trauma hits ive taken in the last 9yrs r beyond whst any person should endure. The trauma also opens the head. Making the head easier to access and if they r people that might b targeted by these ways then theres ways to get through it. Now i narrate my life at times pointing out the abuse thst flys under societies radar. They plan they attack. Anyway. R heads r my main concern. Thank you*

[@achutanandchoudhary4473]

I did not contact her for 12 days, I wanted her to contact, when she did I lost my peace and responded rather with as if wanting her back. She had left me 3 months back. She asked for marriage on 3 Rd meeting and later left me upon realizing my bpd from experiences where I lashed out after helping her with her every school assignment. I feel ashamed, I lost job , I feel emotionally troubled, I tried meditation but still I am not doing well..I remain empty stomach for hours, days...I have lost 15 kgs in 4 months

[@cynigirl1utube160]

62 and just realized I have bpd. Explains my whole life. Have no life. Can't keep a job. I'm so tired. I just want it to end. I pray every day for God to take my life.

[@chiefgetmhigh3461]

Hang in there, a lot of us are right there.

[@wazzup20011983]

Try to find a good therapist. Hope itngets better for you.

[@amberhuston3646]

I just found out at 42 😢

[@Bonzo66able]

58, same. Just recently been diagnosed and now see my past in such a different way, it makes complete sense and at the same time nullifies whatever pride I may have had. I feel I'm bound for a miserable old age. No job, no close friends, stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm on a waiting list for therapy, but can't imagine it saving my life and hope - most likely in vain - for a merciful death ASAP 😢

[@theswedenproject3340]

48 same. But kicked out of my family home, by my long suffering wife after 22yrs... Ive been assessed for adhd this year and now in therapy for cbt. I spent 22 yrs accusing my long suffering wife of rejecting me, not appreciating that the way i was being wasn't being acceptable... I dissaccoiated with everything,,,,,, and stayed hyper fixated on waiting and needing to feel her acceptance and want for me as a proper partner..... Ive been completely rejected by them, suffered alienation from my boys, I lost my job due to a breakdown earlier in the year, and currently.... BPD has brought about my life's greatest fears.... Being rejected by the ones I love, and left abandoned. This time last year, I had I wife which I adored, 3 sons which I adored and had a really good relationship with them, we lived in a lovely home in the country, where I grew all our own organic food, I struggled to work after moving back from Lapland in 2020,so i was a proud house husband, which I loved..... But on the 23rd of December when my ex wife got home from work......she and our eldest son, sent me packing..... My son came home drunk, started on me, which was the first time ever he had been like that to me, I felt attacked by him and his mum, I reacted in rage by shouting at him,,, and then they asked me to leave.... And I havnt been allowed back since.... My ex sent me ttxts for the first 3 mths, saying how she wanted to get the family back together and that she loved me and I was only ever the man for her...... But now I see she was just controlling me, easing me down,,, because suddenly over night, she turned on me, and got into another relationship.... Since I had a really bad depression 25 yrs ago, I've lived a life where it's seemed someone else is in control if it, and i just have to suffer the ramifications of it, destroying everything I love.... When I had this depression, which I was in for over a year,,,, I completely rejected myself, and now looking back, it was like I split/seperated myself, from myself. And this insecure, volitile and narsassistic ego has been running the show....and it's like I had association to it, or what it was doing. I had no attachment to how I was being, how i made my love ones, or anyone feel.... If i knew me, I wouldn't want to be with me either!!!

[@Enjoytheshow435]

Best channel that doesn’t demonize people with borderline personality disorder and explain it better than the shallow explanation (reducing it to changing hair colors!). There is invisibility in it! It’s not attention seeking!

[@kimberlym8852]

As a commenter on another video put it, an exhausting shitstorm of a life. I'm in my 60s and lived with this nonsense all my life not knowing what was going on until 2016. At this point in my life trying to treat BPD with little success just doesn't seem worth the effort anymore. I don't think I have enough years left on this earth to actually successfully treat this nightmare of a disorder and come out a success story. Thanks for all your info Dr. Fox.

[@bbyjirl]

This video made me realize that my BPD is pretty severe, but I do a better job of keeping it together than I give myself credit for considering everything going on internally. I meet all of the criteria on some level, and that realization is making me feel a bit more empathy towards myself in this moment.

[@rain7bow437]

Mine is off the scale Sick of it Its not a life. Its a horrible existence.

[@cynigirl1utube160]

Yes, it is. Wish it were over.

[@sassyslsgrl]

Keep listening to Dr fox... Get his workbooks if you can... It gets better ❤️

[@indigo1435]

I feel the same way. It’s destroying my life.

[@rain7bow437]

​@@indigo1435 how are you doing love? Hope you're ok

[@indigo1435]

@@rain7bow437 hi, thankyou for asking. I’m doing ok. I just wish there was a magic pill to take it all the negative thoughts away. How are you ? Are you ok ??

[@heymanhaha]

Can you guys also relate to when you're in a relationship with someone, you take them for granted, and may even have voices that tell you s/he isn't good enough for you and that you can do better, but once s/he breaks up with you, BPD goes through the roof and you become madly "in love" with them all of a sudden and get absolutely shattered?

[@Imawhiteboard]

i deal with this yes, and its so hard,,, i look for reasons to break up and dislike them, only to wish they came running back, its so heat breaking

[@Whatishappeningxyz]

Yeah it’s led to terrible substance abuse problems in my life

[@silvermoon1051]

yes it happens alot

[@coreybrewer5646]

Oh my god yes!!!

[@LisaLisa001]

And then when you get them back, you change your mind and they're an irritant? And push them away, and pull them back, and then one day you hear yourself trying to explain it, with every other word an apology?

[@gaygranola]

This is why I was so confused with my diagnosis for some time. Often BPD is closely knit to the idea of difficult relationships, usually with a lover. The thing is that I don’t really fear abandonment nor do I struggle more in committed relationships, which are two of the most common and well known symptoms of BPD. I don’t present my aggression outwardly, but inwardly on myself. I now know that my borderline is quiet, and the main reason the former two symptoms are so mild for me is because I’m so numb to the idea of abandonment by now. My romantic relationships don’t feel overwhelmingly hectic but that’s because ALL of my relationships are affected equally. It doesn’t matter if it’s friends, a lover, family, or colleagues. Often they won’t notice either as I’m very aware of my emotional dysregulation and actively do everything in my power to push those feelings down before they can present themselves to anyone. I think it’s really important to understand that a lot of BPD symptoms are about how the person afflicted copes, and everyone copes differently. It’s all the same feeling of elevated emotions but there are so many responses to that, from intense physical aggression to becoming void of outward emotion.

[@LisaLisa001]

I hope this question isn't too personal, but how did you become numb to the fear of abandonment? I also am one of the Quiet BPD folks, I internalize so much it gets so overwhelming sometimes I black out trying to not let anyone else see it. I lose time frequently. It is more difficult when I'm around people . And relationships, romantic or otherwise, are not anything I can handle at all. I write a lot of texts that I delete instead of sending so I don't lose the person forever. I'm 45 and have been struggling with this since I was a teen. A good therapist who doesn't pass me off to their supervisor is hard to find. I've been on a waiting list for 54 weeks now. When I'm at work and I start internalizing, that rage is like I swallowed fire and it is still burning. I get so anxious and scared that I'll alienate anyone around me, that I will stop at nothing to hide it.

[@jabaerga1]

I was on the severe side for decades but now it is absent or mild all around. Mindfulness meditation and running help me remain stable.

[@chiefgetmhigh3461]

How did u do it?

[@chiefgetmhigh3461]

Man, in some sort of weird ass way, I feel kinda better, that I'm not alone in this. Feels like I can't be understood with this disorder. I keep hearing get over it, it's life.

[@sagedandy123]

Running is so good

[@Blinkybottom]

I had 8 out of 9 traits of bpd, nearly lost my life to this illness but today bpd is simply not a thought in my mind, I don't have any traits of bpd anymore. Started doing a podcast years ago explaining my journey. It's definitely can be done in that a healthy life can be lead.

[@mohamedzayan4882]

That's awesome to hear, what's the name of your podcast?

[@paulettaphillips3659]

I too have 8 out of 9. I have felt like I have been alone in this all of my life.

[@Blinkybottom]

@@mohamedzayan4882 it's called You Me and BPD, I'd love to come on here, not to promote the podcast because to be honest I don't promote it as I'm not into social media or anything like that but I know within myself that I not only live a very good life but all that energy I used to use to just stay alive I'm extremely strong in my mind now and for me it breaks down to 4 things Food Sleep Exercise Reflection

[@Blinkybottom]

@@paulettaphillips3659 we are different, not wrong but just different and that's ok, a hybrid car looks the same as a petrol/diesel car however it's just wired differently. We see the world in a different way, that's all. Look at how open we are with each other once we find our own kind as if we were from the same country meeting each other from abroad. ☺️

[@wrenkellyx]

Are you on From Beautiful To Borderline sometimes as well? I know the name I think

[@fionaedwards561]

I have suffered from depression since I was 8 years old, was diagnosed with BPD at 13, developed severe psychotic symptoms when I was 30 and at 47 am back where I started being diagnosed with BPD. I have been to psychiatric hospitals, Psychiatrists, psychologists, taken numerous medications, done groups, am case managed by local mental health teams, did DBT in 2008 and have had no relief for the last 40 years. The scars on my arms reflect the pain I have been through. I have only discovered your videos on KZbin in the last week and have found them very educational. I am hoping that somewhere down the road there is a brighter world for me.

[@loopy4laughs]

I hope so too ❤️❤️❤️

[@andyd6431]

There will be

[@Seven35888]

bpd has great prognosis , the best I think among all the personality disorders. There is hope. You already want it, now just work for it. I love you sm. You can do it

[@Korrin69]

Ty dude

[@MrFirstonraceday]

I’m 58 yo male. Loved a woman with 8 symptoms. Could never get her to recognize that she even had an issue. As my mental health started to unravel, I just had to walk away. Absolutely the hardest break up I’ve ever been through

[@le_th_]

Oh, she knew. Do you seriously think you were the 1st to tell her??? psssh She KNEW, she just wouldn't admit it to you. If you walked away without developing PTSD, consider it a good thing, no matter how difficult it was,.

[@MrFirstonraceday]

@@le_th_ I know you are right! And that is one of the “many crazy making” things. There is no hope for them I’m afraid.

[@kahtrao8628]

@@MrFirstonraceday what a shitty thing to say about people with BPD under a BPD video where others are sharing their stories of managing their symptoms and changing their behaviors for the betterment of them and everyone around them. we are not monsters.

[@RaduP3]

@@MrFirstonraceday for them? I get it you are traumatized from that relationship, but you can't generalise what your girl did to the rest of people. and as a quick reminder, while you were throwing stones at others, you forgot that you chose your partner and tolerated everything that happened until the end, neglecting yourself.

[@adammashburn6973]

@Kahtrao, Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the disorders in Cluster B. Cluster B is a set of personality disorders which are, Narcissistic personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder (a sociopath), and Hystrionic personality disorder (idk if i spelled that right. The disorders within Cluster B share symptoms that that people who hold these disorders may feel needs to get attention from others, and strong forms of it compared to the average person. Another symptiom of ppl with a personality disorder in Cluster B is that they have a sense that they're better than everyone. I'd like to mention that the people themselves who withold BPD aren't the monsters, but BPD itself is a moster that should be looked down apond and disliked. Fuck BPD, even a person who has the toxic traits of BPD can agree that it's shitty as hell

[@theblackenedphoenix]

This was one of the most helpful BPD videos I have ever seen on here. It helped me figure out what symptoms are the worst for me. I wish more people, including professionals, understood that not every person with BPD has every symptom and if they do they don’t have them as intensely as others. BPD looks different for everyone. Thank you for actually seeing us for who we are individually and not just treating us like we’re all the same.

[@emilykathleenn]

Definitely true and they should be more knowledgeable and empathetic like Dr fox

[@Crocodonkey]

Main issue for me is emptiness, abandonment and loneliness. A bit of inward anger too but that is manageable. Other big one is suicidal thoughts. Thanks ♥️

[@reallythere]

I have the isolation and abandonment issues also. It's actually true my family is completely dysfunctional. I have no one and my one bff passed away a few years ago. I'm really alone

[@Crocodonkey]

@@reallythere Sorry to hear that. I am sure it is so hard to handle all these emotions and difficulties in the past and now all by yourself but you have to teach yourself that negative and repetitive thoughts don't lead somewhere positive and safe, it just amplifies the problem..me too I have a dysfunctional family! (

[@reallythere]

@@Crocodonkey that's true it's hard to manage without at least one safe person. 🙏

[@hhaannnnaahh222]

Same, I've felt that emptiness since childhood. Thought it was just depression for years but starting to see it as a bpd trait too. It feels bottomless

[@Crocodonkey]

@@hhaannnnaahh222 I know, It is just so hard :-(

[@caddieohm7059]

As a male doctor this idea might not come natural but I wanted to mention PMS for women. Also I don't know about research in this field. But for myself I noticed PMS making my symptoms really worse. Maybe you could do a video on the topic. You're helping me immensely by the way. More than any therapist ever did. I'm not even diagnosed BPD but since I started watching your vids it's so crystal clear to me. I think maybe BPD is not well known for doctors in Germany where I live.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you very much for your comment and feedback. I wish you all the best.

[@maddie-qk6oi]

yes!!! this is huge, i definitely notice my symptoms are at their absolute worst during PMS

[@Soulbloom1]

Right! There are hormonal imbalances that can really throw us out of balance. They must be factored in to the distortions we encounter.

[@LisaLisa001]

I'm sure hormones play a role but I think for me it is 12-13 weeks a year that I am not just BPD, now I'm "gross" and will be avoided for that week. Which is silly because when I'm not being avoided, I'm the one avoiding them. Wanting what we can't have, adding to the list of things going on internally to be consistently conscious of.

[@erinpead6013]

I fully agree! I get the most intense at that point & I lash out angrily. I get so depressed I wonder if I'll make it thru it

[@edwardbabinyan]

Life is so hard trying to live with BPD! It took me 36 years to finally hit the rock bottom and realise what I am! I’ve lost everything and everyone because of this disorder. I really hope therapy will help although I know it won’t bring back the people or relationships…

[@LisaLisa001]

I hope you're doing better today. The only person you need to convince of your worth is yourself because that's the only opinion that matters. This may sound weird but it has helped me so much: try to show yourself unconditional patience and compassion. If you find that difficult, find a baby picture of yourself. Make sure your self-talk is kind enough to say to that little baby in the picture. Do you have pets?

[@anna-uc4tq]

For people with Borderline disorder is extremly difficult (if not impossible) to build any healthy friendly or lovely relationship. I never understood why people always abandoned me. All my relationships have been a total disaster. I lost all my friends and boyfriends and my family can't stand me. I'm completly alone. I sometimes I wish I never was born.

[@chrisrios98]

I remember when I was dealing with a lot of things in life and in my relationships, I thought I was going crazy. Over time I thought I had BPD and began watching your videos. I then went to my physiatrist and was diagnosed. I’m not 8 months in Dbt therapy and I have began feeling better! I also have so much more knowledge on how to mediate my own emotions, recognize when I need to react, and just general skills that help me be a good friend and person in general.

[@lulumoon6942]

That's so awesome, congratulations! 🙏❤️

[@jerry-jx1rw]

now*

[@chrisrios98]

@@jerry-jx1rw I think everyone can make that out without having to correct.

[@hitshow1047]

I was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago. I'm just tired. Exhausted from myself . I feel I will probably never have a happy healthy relationship . All of my exes say I will die alone ..nobody wants to hear that but I think they are on to something and it painful to hear. Nobody ask or wants BPD my daughter has it as well and it's painful to see her have to suffer . There is so much hate for us ..we didn't sign up for this. Just stay away from us and leave us be if we are such "evil monsters " the no empathy is bs I give and give until I give out . its hard for me to watch anyone suffer and after I say mean things i can't take it back but I replace it with something they have wanted a suprise or something nice . its painful. Walk a mile in our mind. You couldn't.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing and I’d like to encourage you to challenge some of those beliefs and scripts that you have about yourself in your life. I think that if we can challenge our perspective, build insight into our core content and surface content then we can start to make changes to live our life differently. I wish you all the best.

[@hitshow1047]

@@DrDanielFox Thank you for your kind words and insight . You and your channel have meant alot to me.

[@CorePathway]

Sounds like my sister could have written this. You are not alone in your suffering. Please please please be kind to yourself. There is a beautiful little girl deep inside you who just wants loving kindness and attention. No one else can reach her though, so you have to feel that tenderness for yourself. Over and over and over again. It’s so not easy to be us.

[@hitshow1047]

@@CorePathway thank you for your kind words .

[@SiriusDraconis]

I have an adopted brother. He's always said to everyone that sometimes he hears voices in his head. I've always thought to myself but never said that I'd for many many years now welcome other voices. That way someone could shut me the fuck me. I've grown so very weary of myself and the cyclical nonsense I co created. I can also see my son showing signs of something similar. Breaks my heart. I do not want him to feel anything like what I've felt. These are not normal emotions. I developed this from my mother. 15 years ago I left an amazing woman and I said goodbye to all my friends. I thought something was deeply wrong inside me. I felt I need to protect my ex from me in some way so she could have a better life. I isolated completely for many years. I was the nice guy for a long time but I Gave into the monster and darkness inside. That was so long ago. I never really stopped running. And I hurt people along the way. I think for me the healing is going to involve forgiving myself and seeking forgiveness. I feel extremely lost again with anxiety taking over. But I think the answer lies within ourselves. And a great partner will help heal. But not everyone gets that. Anyway I hope you find what brings u solace.

[@amywilloughby7562]

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMPASSION!!!! I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you make content without contempt for the BPD person. I've seen SO MANY creators that just seem that they hate us and portray us as dangerous...its so heartbreaking and demoralizing. It makes me feel like a horrible, manipulative, dangerous person. I know that's not true. I feel that you educate people on BPD while maintaining our humanity. Thank you so so much

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you so much for your kind words! It means a lot to me that you appreciate the content I create. I believe in educating people about BPD while also maintaining empathy and understanding. Your support encourages me to continue doing what I do. Thank you again!

[@morganfox4371]

I just want you all to know that bpd isn't a death sentence romantically. I've had my diagnoses for 5 years now and I have learned so much from Dr Fox and therapy that I'm able to help both myself and my partner (who is also borderline) grow and create a strong relationship with great communication. Communication is SO IMPORTANT AS A BORDERLINE. THERE IS HOPE ❤❤

[@LisaLisa001]

Ooh ooh I have a question please. 😊 Do you think this would be as successful of a relationship if you weren't both borderline?

[@morganfox4371]

@@LisaLisa001 that's such a great question! Honestly I think it would but it would be different for sure since thered be less anxiety and need for immediate affirmation through communication so we wouldn't have had as much practice but we also wouldn't have as many anxieties. So yes it totally would still work but with maybe less communication?

[@JackofAllTrades29]

I have BPD and Complex PTSD, i use drugs to mask or to cope or minimise what has happened to me, I'm not sure. I have lost everything my children, relationship, my house, my car, my job and I was incarcerated for six months. Upon my release I was homeless, and have been for two weeks now.I always worked hard I had a beautiful house I used to drive a Porsche one thing that I've always been able to control is money I run my own business and I work really hard but now even that's gone. I have asked everyone I know for support and help. I've had to prove to everyone what I'm going through is valid. I've been suicidal for the last week no one's listening no one helped me the reality of it is nobody cares until its to late.

[@DrDanielFox]

I’m so glad you found this video helpful. Be well.

[@coloradohighwaydriving]

I'm currently in DBT group therapy through the VA. I'll be working with a VA therapist in February. Don't give up hope knowing you have BPD. I went through the video and finally finished it today. I started this video with my wife weeks ago. I still have moderate to severe symptoms. But knowledge is key. I know I'll resolve my BPD in the future.

[@DrDanielFox]

Thanks for the comment. I’m super proud of you and stay the course!! Love your attitude.

[@LisaLisa001]

You're an inspiration to us all. You mentioned the VA, please accept my unwavering gratitude for your sacrifice, your bravery will never be forgotten. And DBT?! You're a hero x2! I appreciate you, and your comment turned my frown upside down. I think your wife is absolutely amazing, as well, for going through this video with you. Again, you're an inspiration, never discount that about yourself.

[@Leahv103]

Mine is either absent or severe 😭 And I mean really severe. Ugh it’s exhausting

[@rain7bow437]

It is exhausting. I can empathise with you. Keep strong xx

[@samiishayne7656]

It is so exhausting! Dr. Fox says sleep is crucial for us. I am having no luck when forming a concrete sleep routine. Routine works great for 2-4 days and then my mind just decides "nope." I'll be in tears because of my mental, emotional and physical exhaustion yet cannot rest. Does anyone experience this? Have you found a method that works better than anything else to solidify a sleep routine?

[@rain7bow437]

@@samiishayne7656 yes, i get this a lot. Im up most nights, sometimes just because my mind seems to be quieter then but insomnia is a real issue for me. I find meditation works really well sometimes, i know its not for everyone. Either that or having something familiar in the background like a tv show or music you like, turned down low. Again i realise its not for everyone x

[@eeesploralaflora8443]

Same

[@bubbelpop2274]

Literally

[@sarahheld3761]

I was proud of myself. When I was rating myself several of them a year ago I could rank severe, but today none of them ranked that high. I think 🤔 the reason is,and don't call me a liar, I started going to church regularly and made new friends. Mind you I am also suffering with MS. So I don't get to go out anymore. So not being able to go out whenever and spend money, and now feel closer to God I'm doing better.

[@maja-mw]

does it get better because you are not in an intimate relationship?

[@sarahheld3761]

I've been with my husband for 22 years, married 15.

[@narcissistichealingforempaths]

Used to be severe in most categories in my teenage years - but have been able to reduce the impact since.

[@wearebillionyearoldcarbon9563]

I've been severe since I was 10 years old and I'm 31 now lol it's nice you've managed to turn a corner

[@kylepope6805]

Officially accepted for CMH psychiatric services and much more, your channel wasn’t THE reason but it absolutely helped me realize that all psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t bad, but the last one I had was more an anomaly than I had been thinking. Thank you Dr. Fox I l look forward to transcending this hell I’ve been living in.

[@edgreen8140]

Great idea. I've seen all different levels of bpd. So some people function at a high levels some don't. Everyone should be assessed individually. New clinicians may not see the difference in people with this diagnosis. Often they would come to me and state I have a multiple in my office. It was simply splitting.

[@LORENNACORRAL]

yeah i forsure have this. i’m calling a specialist tomorrow. 31 years too long on my own - doing pretty well but the downs are low low. Thanks for all the help over the years Dr. Fox. I feel seen and understood.

[@jennylynnculbertson9086]

Get help I jyst got diagnosed at 49 It is a miracle I'm alive Please get therapy I am in therapy but was told bi polar ptsd Etc Bpd explains my entire existence When I get one coming on I put in videos like this it hejos

[@emilykathleenn]

My ex npd partner worsened my abandonment fears because he fed off of my negative emotions and reactions to my feeling of abandonment when he wouldn't answer my calls etc and didn't even live with me so he would kind of play and enjoy the crying and fears I had and they definitely love when you come back to them after breaking up (never go back to them if you were with a npd). That intense sheer feeling of Emptiness was the only reason I stayed with him or even bothered with him in the first place because I felt more alive (alive at all) when with him and felt I needed a partner to be accepted or to be recognised at all and be more normal (which isn't true at all) average people also stay together for those reasons too though but people with bpd cling to even abusive partners (as I did) which is very very sad because you are mentally ill, plus, you are tolerating abuse in order not to feel abandoned or empty

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's important to recognize toxic relationships and prioritize your mental well-being.

[@Zoleankico4267]

I never thought about this as being why I stayed with him so long! I know I was afraid of HIM, but not the emptiness! This explains a lot! I’m alone now, and prefer it. I know I’m “too much” for most people, as I’ve been told. And when I do let someone new in, (just friends), they tend to lay guilt trips on me, or take advantage of my “kindness”, when they actually manipulated the kindness out of me!!!

[@saratonnan]

This was a big help for me to be able to step back & take a look at things. After a lifetime of struggles I know that I am in a far better place than I've ever been. I rated each question in 2 parts, a)as bad as its ever been and b) where I am now. This gave me a concrete visual. Most items are absent right now & a few are moderate. This clarifies the things I need to concentrate on for further healing. THANKS! ❤️

[@amberhuston3646]

Thank you for this! I’m on a new journey. Three severe, three moderate, and three mild. I have major work to do, I pray this doesn’t overwhelm me and slow/stop me from changing my life for the better.❤

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

I don't think I originally had BPD I think I developed bipolar disorder in my twenties and then was pushed into having BPD by association with crazy ass people in my family and then traumatic situations I definitely have ptsd. Makes me so angry because it made me someone who initially was just a little Moody and weird into someone that's now actually a threat. And it's f***** up every aspect of my life. And let me tell you no one understands and no one forgives they just cut you out they bury you with a gravestone with your name on it in their mind you don't exist to them anymore.

[@KaliKali-hv9bt]

Yep to being cut out...It has happened to me..I do t blame the person but I'm walking on eggshells by now

[@necolekey]

Damn You hit 🎯💯💯

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

@@necolekey it hurts.

[@necolekey]

@@thereisnosanctuary6184 believe me I know. I find myself daily having to prove to myself I am worth staying alive. That's how I have achieved the impossible. I WOULD GIVE ALL MY SUCCESS BACK If I could get my family to see and hear me but mainly love me. You are not alone

[@necolekey]

They say my disability severally effects my ability to relate to others and they put me on social security since I was 24 making isolating me from the workforce as well as being iced out of my own family because we call out the bull shit WE ARE RESILIENT!!!! To endure all we have we have to believe their is a higher purpose

[@LisaLisa001]

Thank you for YOUR videos. Some of the other doctors posting about BPD, seem to be speaking more to the people who "have a loved one with BPD" and their experience, rather than aimed at the person with BPD. I can't watch the others anymore because they always throw out some kind of advice that is a workaround for when they have to communicate with someone with BPD. You're so right about the insight. "Knowing is half the battle." -GI Joe cartoon Sorry this is so long. Been sitting here (too long) debating on posting it. 1. Extreme measures, yes. Every time a manager speaks to me I ask if I'm getting fired. Every time. Regardless of the fact that I give 100% effort every second in hopes to prevent any corrective action conversation. The idea of it is all consuming. Like the one person who is obligated to tell me I'm awful. 2. I can idealize and devalue and then idolize again, all in the same day, sometimes without ever making the other person aware. The cursing and throwing happens once I'm alone. I don't think this is necessarily part of BPD but I have this horrible habit of entering into relationships with seemingly nice guys, but at least 8 are now convicted murderers, one on death row for the last 20 years. Did I pick bad humans? Or did I bring something evil out of them? There are also a number of men who were 100% straight men when I met them, but then run into them years later and they are homosexual. I'm always happy for them, but is that common to have so many experiences like that? And I can smell a sex offender. I can point them out easily. 3. I don't see myself as bad, but at least weekly I apologize to my adoptive mom for not veing what dhe signed up for. As far as invisible, I ask people quietly at work if they can see me, because most days I feel like I'm a ghost who doesn't know they've died. I feel invisible a lot, but have grown to rely on it. Receiving attention is way worse. 4. It's so intense I lose time, black out but don't always realize it until I check the time. I rarely know if it is am or pm when I check the clock, googling it frequently. I set alarms for every 15 min to somewhat get around this when I have to go to work or a commitment. 5. Sabotaging success is almost guaranteed. I quit and break up but I always go back, healthy or not. I quit my job 2 months ago and just started back at the same job last week. 6. Ending my life isn't a luxury I even fantasize about. I have 2 daughters and I don't want them to do the same. I don't self harm anymore, but I think about it. 7. Hourly if not more frequently. Sometimes before I can even react. I don't particularly like the intensity and frequency; however, reminding myself that this will pass sooooo quickly helps me not to self harm. 8. Emptiness. Severe. Never have gotten use to this. Like being thirsty in the desert. Difference being I know what will satisfy the thirst. The emptiness breeds endless hobbies. I can get into anything, just always feels unfulfilling. 9. I internalize my anger, unless it is someone professional that I think is able to handle the criticism. I will mold that anger into some kind of performance evaluation and I tell them my unsolicited overview of how awful they are at their job and why (never to a therapist though.) I do briefly weigh the consequences to hold it off, but then it comes out at some point anyway. It is typically cruel, but accurate. I'm told frequently, just because you're not wrong that doesn't mean it's appropriate for you to be the one to tell them. My response is "THEN TELL THEM, SOMEONE HAS TO!" I'm fine with uncomfortable conversations because all conversations are uncomfortable. But the above type of conversation I am fine with because otherwise that dialogue will take place in my head on repeat until I say it. I'd especially like to work on this. I don't like hurting people's feelings. I will cry everytime I think about how cruel I was. Quite jarring to feel empathy for a situation I consciously created. Conclusion: severe for all . Same thing my clinical coordinator came up with during my annual update a few weeks ago, Severe. I can accept that. If what I experience daily were considered mild, I would feel worse, thinking that I wasn't strong enough to fight off/rise above something mild.

[@JakauYT]

thank you for the real and honest content as always dr fox

[@nefwaenre]

Dr. Fox, this had been incredibly insightful and i can't thank you enough for helping me understand my current situation. This is a long comment but i wrote down my scales and reason why i gave them that score. i have no idea what to do with them. 1. Moderate - (i have been already abandoned and so now i have this fear of rejection to the point i will avoid doing things that could lead to rejection. Also fear being abandoned by my brother. He's the only one who's kind to me.) 2. Severe (even when seeing people i like, 1 moment i like them, next time ya no, they're not ok- i don't like them. This has gone up in recent days. Maybe they said a word i don't like, or they did something i didn't expect them to do and i think it's somehow related to me and so i back off.) 3. Severe (i will say nice things to myself when i'm in a good mood or when doing something i like for eg dancing, exercising, painting. But in the bigger picture i know that i don't amount to anything. i have failed in life. i wither away in these 4 walls of my room. Couldn't escape my situation. i have failed No one can love me because in the past i have been rejected for being fat and ugly (their words not mine). One tiny mistake and i will go off on how i am a failure.) 4. Moderate (dissociation happens when i'm in complete negative spiral. But i mainly dissociate when something good happens. As if it's not for me. i'm not the one experiencing this or maybe this is all a dream and such a good thing isn't really happening to me. 5. Severe (have noticed i will impulsively multi task and stress myself out. i need to do more than 2 things simultaneously. i buy clothes on impulse, and most importantly i stay awake on impulse. i just won't go to sleep. i have quit job on impulse. Say i got a good chance at a university, tanked that too.) 6. Moderate (based on current situation, thought of committing suicide 3 times this year alone) 7. Mild (because i take mood suppressors) 8. Severe (can't be happy no matter what. Almost numb. Like i don't even know what i need atm. i don't have my priorities right, not at all.) 9. Moderate to Severe (has been moderate the last 2 weeks. But there's always a general irritability and anger at myself for such a living situation and for being a coward and not taking my life. Also angry towards mom a lot since i blame her for my miseries).

[@LisaLisa001]

I just read your post. How are you doing? I know finding a therapist can sometimes be a lengthy process, but I really hope you've been able to find one. Also, you're not a coward for not going through with it, that's 100% a sign of bravery every single time you don't go through with it. BPD is one of the most successfully treated mental disorders. You may have to go through a few therapists, but you're worth it. I promise. ❤

[@LisaLisa001]

In addition, it sounds like you've experienced a lifetime of difficult situations, but you made it through every single one of them. I hope you recognize the accomplishment in that. You're a remarkable human.

[@Shortkonner]

This is exactly how to tell. Thank you so much dr. Fox. The longer your vids the bigger i smile.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm glad!

[@kdogW-iw6oq]

Through therapy and hard work mine is much less. I’m blessed to have the tools to think through situations now. Your brain can quiet and there is definitely help and hope available.

[@Soulbloom1]

Dr Fox- Please consider getting a microphone or some mechanism to soften the hard sound that comes with your voice. I don't know the technical terms, but I believe it has to do with the hard surfaces in your room. It can feel blaring/yelling and it's just adds to the sensory work your listener may have to do to just hear the meaning you are imparting. I don't think this is just for those of us struggling with BPD (and have heightened sensory sensitivities); most regular podcasters and KZbin speakers use a microphone that separates your voice from other sounds. Thanks.

[@lovelynepenthe]

I don't know that it's super helpful to just go through the criteria like this and ask "how bad is it" when you're talking about an egosyntonic condition. The reason that it was so bad for so long for me and the reason I didn't understand my condition is because it felt like my relationships were normal. My anger was normal. My mood swings were normal. I didn't have a point of reference for what the absence of BPD symptoms would be like. I was hoping for examples of what, say, mild attempts to avoid abandonment vs severe attempts would actually look like. I guess it would probably be a bad idea/triggering to make a video with specifics beyond the text of the criteria though.

[@lynntoytrainmuseum8973]

Self destructive behaviors were my version of the suicidal criteria. I think the hyperfocus on the serious matter of suicidality prevents mild cases from being identified. Thanks for this video.

[@emilykathleenn]

Mine too because self harm would be intolerable or hard to do I feel but I do think about it which is just as bad and my mind goes to that dark place daily I would say even when around others who are family or a friend (I only have like 2 because I feel they never understand or are just extremely shallow or follow the crowd etc )

[@dM_gH]

"Adaptive strategies" and "knowledge is empowerment" - Yes!! After a lifetime of severe BPD and the huge mess it wrought, I have finally found some peace. For me, therapy = knowledge is empowerment, and DBT = adaptive strategies. I hope with all my heart that young people find these video so they can begin to see what it is they need to do to help themselves avoid a lifetime of terrible pain. I wish I'd learned 30 yrs ago; BPD is so hard to exist with. Big hugs to you all. Stay strong. ❤

[@DrDanielFox]

Glad the video was helpful.

[@Bpdbryan]

Thank you for doing these in video form as well as your workbook. As someone with visual learning, the videos help a lot more!

[@un.nico.de.lava.]

1. Fear of abandonment: (moderate-severe) 2. Unstable relationships: mild 3. Shifting identity: moderate 4. Paranoia: moderate 5. Impulsivity: mild 6. Self harm: mild 7. Mood swings: moderate 8. Emptiness: severe 9. Anger: moderate So what’s the conclusion?

[@emilykathleenn]

Severe

[@emilykathleenn]

Mine is anyway I would say severe for all of them apart from self harm

[@happybergner9832]

Is that the same as the fear of being alone? I'm not afraid to be alone anymore -- and I absolutely love being by myself now. It took me until age 62, but it was SO WORTH THE WORK AND THE THERAPY, WHICH STARTED WHEN I WAS 22, WORK WAS EXCRITIATINGLY CHALLENGING!!!!

[@kathycarstens9668]

Thank you. I now realize how severe my symptoms are and why I am so miserable.

[@emilykathleenn]

This was a great video and you are so empathetic (offering international suicide prevention contact) and very insightful. Spot on as well about BPD because I have severe Bpd (i only self harmed once and I haven't hurt myself since but i experience all of the other points youve mentioned and think about death and suicide and harming myself even if i dont actually physicallydo it , my mind harms me and I, sadly, continue to let it do so with overwhelming intolerable intrusive thoughts etc this is how i would explain ). I feel deep despair, emptiness , abandonment, no self worth, non existent many days, people would be better off without me and without others too life would be better, quick mood changes, I hurt those I love with my angry verbal outbursts and so on when they don't deserve it , excited and happy one day but then the intrusive thoughts and deep feelings return or I enter a depressive state where I basically self isolaze and seeing anyone is a nightmare people generally are a nightmare and want the worst for my life and soul and want to crush my spirit

[@Nuetral768]

I was intense 10/10 for all 9 of those before I came up with my own treatment, now I'm basically a 1 or 2 out of 10 on each... A couple of interesting things though... First, about point 5, my means of risky behavior and or self harm was martial arts (it fooled everyone because harm is expected and yet martial arts are considered more constructive than destructive, certainly no one was looking for someone trying to get themselves hurt because they were too busy trying to make sure no one was hurting others... but over the coarse of 20 years I suffered over 300 fractures and several dislocations and psychologists always missed that because they were looking for more conventional means, but shame teaches most of us to hide our symptoms the best we can from others and ourselves so looking outside the box is important here). Second, although I no longer threaten suicide I do not hide that I am in fact suicidal... I'm just less impulsive and more dedicated to it's certainty now... I'm also not driven to it out of depression, fear, even anger (although such thoughts can enter my head from time to time)... mostly when I think of it now it makes me feel sorta happy and peaceful... I have long said that I am a terrible person to take to a funeral or talk about losing someone, because I don't relate at all to the people that have lost someone but instead I relate more to the dead (especially those that killed themselves, the words "Good for them, they finally made it out. :)" come to mind... and I feel happy for them and hopeful for my own passing). I know this in no way sounds ideal to most, but considering my life expectancy was shortened to 40 years at best by some meds a psychiatrist put me on when I was 12 (antipsychotics to treat my "severe depression" that was actually completely out of control BPD) and I'm already 35 I don't think it's too much to ask that I get to go out the way I want and not as somebody's lab rat lying in a hospital bed. Regardless, this was a really good video that should help a lot of people with BPD. :)

[@Sophia-hj3ko]

Hello. I read your comment. Just want to tell you that you are a unique, special, needed, appreciated person just because you came to this world, you own a human soul, one of the human race in this vast system of universes. You are not an accident. When those folks you know don't care or seem not to care, don't go with it. You didn't asked the entire human race if they feel that about you. You are just like everyone else and have your rightful place here. Besides, we all, with no exception, will get rotten down there when body will have enough. Nothing glorious or better there. Here is your place. See, how Creator sends the beauty in flowers, birds, animals, oceans, trees. You can see and touch: because all of it for you too. Studying philosophy, psychology, faith, journaling, those coping strategies and people like us, who can talk about things do help. I wish you relax and absorb the love that this earth has for us.

[@Nuetral768]

@@Sophia-hj3ko You misunderstand, I am relaxed. I'm writing a book while I work off my debt, and I'm helping people along the way when and where I can. But it's not enough to stay for, it's not about what other people do or don't think about me... it's about what I want. I wasted my life trying to be and do what others wanted and never being able to be that... that's not worth living for. But I've seen worlds beyond this one, and I gotta say that I'd rather be there than here. I don't want my death to be just another excuse for hate against this lifestyle I love. I am at peace with my end, my only regret is never having had someone worth staying for. What is a million dollar painting worth if only one dollar is offered for it?... it is important to recognize that unique and special don't make a person's time in this world valuable. That's something we determine by how we treat each other, and trying to keep a person around but not around to support your faith isn't treating that person with respect nor worth. The worst part about suicide is that nobody ever feels like you deserve it, and they never will.

[@ririimari]

Before watching the video (I'll come back after and add to this if needed) I have noticed my bpd being less severe as I age. I am 37 and through lots of work and growing as a person it is affecting me and others less and less as I get older.

[@BBFCCO733]

I have moderate BPD. DBT helps and energy therapy helps as well, however day to day throws me off. It used to be worse when I was in a toxic family and toxic work environment.

[@CareBlair222]

Yes. I cut out my toxic, alcoholic gas lighting parents and my symptoms of bpd are more manageable and i am able to reflect objectively alot better. Letting go of triggers is necessary. I also stopped working in retail and places where there is too many people and personalities. I work for old people, one on one and web cam. I am also back in school.

[@JWolff-md3ij]

Your the first doctor that I've actually felt that "click thing" all the other doctors are talking about.

[@gregoryritchie7852]

Idea of rating severity to each of 9 DSM BPD criteria helps me to get closer from "the right row to the right seat", so to speak.

[@oceanhayes1649]

The further I get into recovery and treatment, the more shades of gray I can think in.... And I really do appreciate all of your work Sir.

[@soyicasweet99]

I was in a 3 year relationship with an untreated man with severe symptom criteria for all 9 symptoms. It was a real rollercoaster and we lived together. His symptoms presented themselves often. It didn't matter who was around, once he was triggered, his rage was terrible. If he felt I was talking to someone too long it was a trigger and fear of abandonment for him. It's like I was his filled his wounded absent mother void and he never wanted to leave my side for fear of abandonment. He used to think i would disappear even if i went to the bathroom without him. He was abandoned as a child by a drug addicted mother, was raped , molested, in and out of foster care and lied to most of his life. He has so much past trauma. I had to leave him because his paranoia when feeling abandoned had him verbally abusive and I couldn't do anything alone. He would text all day and keep calling threatening suicide if i was out of his sight. He did not like being alone. I never got ghosted and begged to be ghosted so I wouldn't have to walk away. He hurt like hell when I left him. IT was hard and I tried to provide mental support afterwards and it was too painful for him that i couldn't answer the phone all of the time for him. He has severe BPD so i was his only friend. All his friendships are unstable and he had no friends or family support. he looked to me for happiness. It was a burden but I really do feel bad for him. Begged him to go into treatment and he refused thinking he would get locked in the psych ward again like when he was a child. Sending well wishes to all of those who suffer with this disorder and your loved ones.

[@soyicasweet99]

@@zerokhan3685 i agree. That’s very true. I do believe it seems he bad a touch of ASPD though. Especially during rages. I really felt in danger of my life and others. His emotions would be so high that he had this “f everyone “ attitude and he even choked out my brother. I saw death in his eyes. He almost killed him. All because he asked to see his watch. So he felt like he was joking on him or about to criticize him. It was scary

[@LisaLisa001]

​@@soyicasweet99are you still in his life? That's incredibly abusive and he may be using you as a crutch or a safety net, in his mind a green light to act out because you'll still be there. I can only speak from my experience, but there have been times that I have been too much for people, too much sharing/talking/texting/updating. The only thing that worked for me is when they cut me out of their life "tough love" style, cold turkey, no explanation as to why. It helped them so much. And although it stung a little, it helped me, too. Helped me reel it in. Amazing how much less drama is in my life when I have nobody to talk to about the drama. ❤

[@boxonothing4087]

On the matter of instable relationships, none of mine failed because I devaluated my partners, they all failed because I pushed them away before they could realize I wasn't worth it. I've grown very adept at sensing expectations and I project at others exactly what they want, and while I do there's always a question in my mind. What if they find out it's fake ? I perceive myself as a dead person trapped in a living body.

[@cngelz]

do you have a video on “what is BPD?” i would love to tell the closest to me that this is what i’ve been struggling with, but the demonization of the disorder makes it really hard for me to do so. i was diagnosed 3 months ago and haven’t told many people. simply sending someone a video would be of immense help, versus trying to explain it to people.

[@alphadog3384]

I really wish Dr. Fox would post all the questions down in the chat, for later review or situation insight. So you can reframe your patterns.

[@ladybug915]

Thanks for these videos its hard to find this kind of info. My husband is BPD officially undiagnosed but its hard to find a BPD therapists in our area. I know he is BPD not just because he dings all this bells at the sever to moderate end most of all of them are severe. Obviously a lot of BPD is untrue near delusional self beliefs. My husband has almost killed me he was so violent he hit me repeatedly with an electric guitar and nearly took my head off, even though this was years ago he has hit me brutally several times. I have C-PTSD and every time he rage I know he will direct it at me.I get stuck in F,F or F. Its a hell for me. I live under constant fear of physical abuse due to his BPD, sadly I have no way out for several reasons. People always say leave. But it's so complicated, thats not fair for people to say or easy to do. I know he can manage his anger if he tries. I know its all BPD it starts with his learned helplessness, he starts feeling sorry for himself especially under stressful circumstances (which is often for him)and then, starts raging. While saying it's useless, nothing I do works I don't matter I should have never been born! Then he breaks stuff and comes after me sometimes. His violence gets out of control he says he hears people like his parents and foster parents saying you're Never be anything you're a failure. He has job he can't get out of, I cant say why. But they think I am the problem because we can't tell them he has these issues or he'd be let's say let go, and there are some large ramifications as well. It's very stressful at time like now. He is becoming increasingly more violent. Due to a current work situation (opting out is not an option) We think he may be on the high functioning end of Autism spectrum because he is so smart but has a hard time articulating this. I would classify him as an abuser, unfortunately he has gas lighted me, in those times. I believe he slips into delusion and actually believes what he is sayin. Then later he realizes what he has done and claims he is sorry but he has humiliated me and made me the bad guy over and over again., causing great resentment in me towards him and leaves me feeling he is dis-genuine and a liar. I'm starting to feel this guy is just so damaged he is totally nuts and I can't take much more 8 years of this crap. I make him dinner ever night, I've never cheated on him but he cheated on me. He has good things about him, plenty he is a great musician, but I just can't take his crap any more! I'm ready to seek a divorce.He never sees his good traits, only his bad. I cant be his wife therapist and all he needs but he won't seek help I always am searching for him. He also says he doesn't have time always I see an huge excuse there. The gaslighting has done the most damage even more then the violence which is terrifying not just a slap he tried to kill you! firsts and using things to beat you with he is out of control with the violence he somehow lies so well he convinces the cops its all me.I'm not even a violent person. Pry because I do have a DV that was dismissed but is seen on my record with my Mom who she and her Husband brutally raped my toddler. So ya we had a confrontation. He has no record because of his job I have protected him an not reported his violence. Agin I cant say who he works for but its a big deal. So I have protected our income. But he uses this against me They have little or no training on victim vs prep DV it's frankly pathetic! It leaves me feeling very hurt and as if I can't not trust him, after he totally gas lights me. After all I have done to protect and help him. People (not just 1 and not an ex) in his past have called him ungrateful and I see why. He flip the script on people. This behavior could ruin our lives the VIOLENCE MUST END! This is serious his violence and lies could make me lose my kids due to having to call the cops when he gets violent then he lies and say I did it. After all he has done I chose myself and my kids over him. He has been violent with me and then told the cops that it was me abusing him! He was so upset and convincing that they actually almost arrested ME with NO proof of that I am NON VIOLENT! He says he actually thought I was abusing him its like he spits or something its bad. He only remembers one time his Dad tried to hit him with big keyboard. But mostly his childhood was a lot of neglect both physical and emotional. On a normal basis he says I'm a great mom, a great wife who has loved him through everything he has done! I cook for him daily love on him etc.. But if he feel like I will leave him, or he is gonna fail me, he physically will attack me. I never pressure him, in fact I tell him if he fails the course of well, life will go on and we will be fine ! He calls me a saint and he knows all I put up with out of him. All his inappropriate Anger towards me and himself at times he is just 90% of the time mild mannered 10% total rage but under stress like now, its flipped to 75% rage 25% relaxed chill okay.I have traits of BPD but now in my 40's have grown out of a lot of it and I have self awareness I because I became a psych student years ago, but cant only go part time due to family needs. We recently had the worst experience with a sh*t therapist. Ive bene going to therapy for years and therapist are like shoes and must fit your needs but think guy was HORRIBLE !!!!! He told us he would work with together so my husband asked me to be there as he knows he will small talk a therapist to keep them at arms length. The therapist last minute emailed him that he wanted to work with him only again this is the seconded session.My husband had not read his email and asked me to be there, I Had no clue so as I did in session 1 I asked him to evaluate my husband because we thought he had BPD. He says whatever you two think is irrelevant. Due to your job I think you have PTSD and no reason to believe you have BPD. He adds you two aren't running or controlling this therapy I am ! You haven't raged in our sessions? so you don't have BPD WTF !!! Second session here he is saying this and being nasty to us.. He asks me to leave, which I do then he tells me husband how doe sit make him feel me being over his shoulder!!! When my husband asked me to be in there and never read this guys email! SO my husband says nothing to this guy and just say thats not what she was doing. Not F off Dude I asked her to be here and how dare you refuse to at least evaluate me and treat me for something that is NOT my main issue. My husband passivity is majorly painful and detrimental But this therapist should have his license revoked where he get his license a feral box!! Not only rude but lied and said he he worked with may people with BPD yet his profile said CBT and PTSD which he was clearly pushing my husband toward. He even said dirt wa say fault he had rage!!! Yet my husband said he beat his own mother and cracked her head wide open at age 13 !! This guy could have mad him anger with me and I could have been abused! Th kicker is he runs a divorce group Im sure lot of add ons and money buy ins. I want to make sure this guy faces an inquiry. That unethical at the very least to blame a own who was asked dto be there and make wild assumptions and refuse to address your clients needs and wants This guy is loose cannon and will damage people. We were so happy to find your channel we just bought your books. we also had already gone through the DSM we are fairly intelligent people, I can't believe this guys insults and unprofessional behavior. It is scary who allowed and why this guy was allowed Ito this profession. These agencies need to do better he needs to go back to selling candy bars to little kids which is weird enough in itself!

[@Infiniteeverything8]

You have gone through so much. I had to read all of your post because I know I have done many things to people that are really bad because of BPD. I’m really sorry for your struggle. It’s so hard to love us for so many reasons. I hope you are safe 🫂

[@Desmondbrown73]

During the pandemic my BPD became extremely severe, I destroyed every relationship with every person in my life business and personal, my business used to be my safe haven, I had to interact with a lot of people all the time but it seem to go very well when everything was going well.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Desmondbrown73]

@@DrDanielFox thank you.

[@in-tuition-fj9840]

The pandemic has made things worse for everyone, even though people nowadays live their lives like nothing happened. It sucks that it damaged the relationship you had with people personally and business life. Desmond, I hope things get better for you and you are able to reconnect with those people.

[@Desmondbrown73]

@@in-tuition-fj9840 Some of them I don’t wanna reconnect with because they were a negative part of my life anyways, but I have made steps to reconnect with the ones that reciprocate instead of just take. Thank you very much, I appreciate your words of support.

[@in-tuition-fj9840]

@@Desmondbrown73 is always good to reconnect to those that reciprocate and respect you, not those that take advantage or disrespect, those people don't deserve your attention. Just keep moving forward with those close to your heart. You are welcome Desmond.

[@seidenschnabelfederflugel5441]

I have issues with self worth, self image, with bilding healthy relationships, trusting myself and others, and addictive eating habits. But the other things are between mild and moderate. I mean i still have issues. But not the impulsive angry ones. This is why sometimes i feel like i dont have bpd at all. But there are still some issues.

[@DrDanielFox]

Use that insight to develop adaptive strategies to manage those issues.

[@lynntoytrainmuseum8973]

Awesome suggestion. I focused on the most core DSM criteria and improved a lot. My providers thought I was crazy for doing that! 🤣😇

[@jahray6300]

Fear of abandonment: only severe when it comes to my FP. Everyone else its mild Unstable relationships : moderate/mild. I dont have that many relationships Self image changes : moderate Separation from reality: this is hard for me to measure but I'll say severe. I live in the state of observer to myself Impulsive behaviour: mild. My binge eating only kicks in when I'm struggling with emotional heaviness Self injury: absent, been self harm free for almost 9 years now (physically). I haven't been s*icidal for many years too. Ive committed to seeing life through even though I'm lost through it Mood swings: severe. Severe. Emptiness : moderate. It used to be severe Intense anger: mild

[@DrDanielFox]

This is good insight to help you. Use it to develop insight strategies.

[@makethatchangelifecoaching4009]

1. Mild 2. Mild 3. Mild 4. Mild 5. Moderate but this I'm working on 6. Mild only when doing inner work this is getting better 7. Moderate but I think it's triggered through inner work and toxic people from past but this will improve as inner work healed 8. Mild 9. Mild, it takes a lot of constant triggers 2 yrs ago i was Moderate mostly.

[@saber_tooth_tiger]

Thank you so much for this video. It was very helpful. It's a good thing to be able to see how bad it was for you at certain times and how you've progressed along the way.

[@DrDanielFox]

I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.

[@Nessa.Desire]

Fear of rejection - moderate Unstable relationship - mild Rapid changes - mild Stress/paranoia - moderate Impulsive - mild Suicida thought & Self injury - mild Wild mood swings - severe Emptiness - moderate Intense (inner) anger - mild

[@andre1987eph]

We BPD are family. It’s not on a scale. It’s how FREQUENTLY it plays the PRIMARY role. BPD is BPD is BPD. The less often it happens, the less interrupted your life is. 👍😊

[@UnseenOct]

Does intense maladaptive daydreaming fit the criteria for disassociation? Can you do a video on it if so?

[@sassyslsgrl]

I could definitely use more content on disassociation...

[@geraldfriend256]

Hey I am curious, what does maladaptive daydreaming mean? Having a head full of negative thoughts? If so I may do it.

[@UnseenOct]

@@geraldfriend256 it means you daydream for hours at a time and have very elaborate fantasies and storylines in the daydreams. Normal daydreaming is a mild form of disassocition

[@geraldfriend256]

@@UnseenOct ah thank you.

[@PassionateFlower]

@@UnseenOct I have that...the intense maladaptive daydreaming that lasts for hours. It's chronic and pervasive and it's wrecking my life. It sucks. People say I "choose" to focus on this but does a schizophrenic "choose" to hallucinate? Does an autistic person "choose" to be autistic? Does a diabetic person "choose" to not produce adequate amounts of insulin? Does a cancer patient "choose" to give themselves cancer? Do I "choose" to have major PTSD that triggers me into constant chronic dissociation that causes chronic fatigue syndrome in me? I don't think so.

[@rajatmehta9086]

Thank you so much from India🙏 Mr. Daniel fox for sharing this valuable information.❤ Your knowledge is helping people all over the world.

[@Ursaminor31]

Lots of solitude and meditation and healing energies, fasting, natural foods, tons of sleep, pure water and prayer helps much.

[@crazy4five]

Spouse has said himself, "he either feels nothing, anger or no emotional connection to anybody." He does not "feel bad about it, no guilt," until it's brought to their attention but then feels more guilt for himself, used those feelings to fuel more bad coping skills. No fear of abandonment or need to get or give reassurance. Diagnosed as BPD w/ underlying NPD. I think it's more the other way around.

[@alice2669]

I’m 20 and currently struggling. I feel so much shame, guilt, frustration and pain every day. I really want to put my life together, but my therapist say it’s a long process, and after 12 years of therapy (yes 12) I’m exhausted , this is not a life

[@jessicac.9992]

Dr. Fox I was recently in a car accident, resulting in a concussion. I have been doing physical therapy, but I am struggling with cognitive functioning. I have BPD, and self-doubt has always been an issue. The reality vs. my own sense of perception of what is reality has caused me to question my whole trauma. How can I push past the negative thoughts and trust the process? It's almost like because I can't SEE an actual injury. I don't believe that I have one. Lots of self-doubt. Thank you for all you do.

[@margov5916]

Good to know all these things.

[@hanytalya5322]

Is it possible to have "absent" and "severe" together? As a teenager I had severe identity disturbance, I couldn't even tell which color I liked the most; I was shaped by people who came across my path. Today, I'm 53. I have strong belief in God, very solid opinions, views and morals. Let's say, no one can move me from my core, BUT!!! on the exterior side (and I guess this is to do with body image) I change all the time, depending on the current obsession: If I watch a lot of football ( socer) I find myself wearing spirt cloths and walking in a certain way, then I watch period dramas and start to wear those 19's century's dresses, etc. I change my outfit and manner (even accent or tone of speech) I am 53 old, Im a mother, still in some things I am absolutely a child.

[@BorderlineFaith]

I feel very confused about my existence. I didnt rank severe other than impulsive behaviors. All others were moderate. I find it difficult to gauge reality. What people meanto say vs what i think they think of me. Asking folksquestions or trying to fake that im okay to avoid an argument or fight doesn't work. People get upset either way. Particularly in romantic arenas i see myself doing all the nice things for a partner but i don't receive it from them. Like even if they do the nice things im stuck sitting there wondering why are they being kind? and then a lil bit of anger and shame followed by affection or affirmations feels like home. But i don't want it to go. Like you stated in yourvideo I've been in therapy about 9months I've made tons of progress EXCEPT insight. I feel like i have cognitive dissonance and that's just messing me up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@juliejarrett4508]

Thank you Dr. Fox……you are a very good teacher! Great video!

[@CatrinaPerry-vd3wu]

My abandonment issues are so bad last month I jumped out a window and smashed my pelvis and broke my back. I’m recovering okay but scared my bum will not go back to how it was. I have body dysphoria and my appearance means a lot. I wouldn’t care if it didn’t look like this. He kept playing with my abandonment issues. He would break up with me nearly every day to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and jumped out a window . I’ve done so many extreme things because of abandonment . Everything that is said in this video I relate to deeply. I’m riddled with bpd and I’m destroying myself because of it . I feel like I don’t have long left

[@jorissecrets1883]

1. mild/moderate 2. moderate 3. moderate/severe (more towards severe) 4. moderate/severe 5. mild 6. moderate 7. severe 8. moderate 9. moderate/severe

[@ashlenkduke]

I think my husband (of 15 yrs) has pretty severe BPD. He’s been told by two different therapists that he has it but didn’t go back after they told him. I’ve been looking everywhere for a therapist that specializes in BPD so he can get some help but can’t seem to find anyone. Our relationship sucks because he’s always mad at me for something… I’m always nervous because I don’t know if he’ll see me as an Angel or a demon day by day and it’s rarely associated with my actions so it’s incredibly confusing and can leave me feeling pretty hopeless. Any advice or resources would be mucho appreciated 😅

[@lulumoon6942]

Codependency work helped me as a loved one. Hang in there. 🙏❤️

[@aryansigrid]

Ask your GP for a referral to a Hospital based therapist who specialises in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). Your partner does not mean to be the way he is, he is suffering from a severe disorder that can cripple an entire family/friend network but equally it can be the very thing that pulls everyone together. Your partner is unable to regulate his moods like the average person, we BPD's can go from severely depressed to Ok then back to shit all in the matter of moments. It is so exhausting & mentally stressful for not just us but those around us. I know it feels like you have to 'walk on egg-shells' around your husband but you're better off telling him how you feel this allows an oppurtunity for him to tell you that it's the last thing he wants you to feel when you're around him. By sharing your genuine deep down feelings & fears with each other this could help your relationship out more, I think. Remember, try not to get personally offended whilst your husband is not getting any treatment or other medical help. Treatment like D.B.T is a Ray of Light for a person suffering with immense inner pain and tormoil. I am terrible @ getting to appointments but when I enrolled into DBT for just under a year I actually started to look forward to my therapy sessions, especially the Group Therapy session once per week for 2 hrs plus a one-on-one appointment with my designated therapist once every 2 weeks.

[@Prudenthermit]

The book "loving someone with bpd" by Shari manning is helpful. I have bpd & found that I needed to work on self help for shame & emotion regulation before I could personally handle sitting in a room with therapists. ❤

[@EAngelB123]

I sounded like you 10yrs ago. If he refuses to take responsibility, nothing will change. YOU can’t change him. You can’t save him. I need to leave. My love for him and hope for him getting help has been at the expense of our kids and my sense of self. At 28yrs together now, I wish I had stuck to “I won’t stay if you continue to refuse help.”

[@ashlenkduke]

@@EAngelB123 Thank you for the reply… I’m coming to that conclusion myself lately. It sucks.

[@sassyslsgrl]

My behaviors are less extreme than they used to be and one one would think I'm relatively mild... But the thoughts and feelings... I'm still moderate /severe.

[@rebeccablossom9823]

You’re a god send. Your karma is surely abundantly good… helping vulnerable souls ❤

[@o.s.2355]

This is what I needed that validation that what I feel I really can feel because prople around me can say OH I feel like that sometimes too but I m not doing so much big deal about that like you so that words puts me on that spiral again without ending its just not ending spiral of emotions but nobody understand and that absent of validation is making me feel like im just faking it up even I know I feel that way all the time so its hard bit thank you for this validation that I can feel this way even it sounds not real for my partner friends or family. Thank you so much you are doing great work and saving many lives through this platform .

[@sofie1065]

Thanks for the information. Appreciate it. Made me see I am on the mild to moderate scale, and that is empowering in itself. And for those who think 'you have it easy then', this is after quite some therapy. Therapy can work. It is by no means a quick fix though. Wish all of you the best.

[@sandie683]

All of what you said is so correct and happening to me. My boyfriend has so strong narcissism & BPD these few months that it's unbearable. He finger points & blames and has gone on cheap Adderall, tons of weed & tobacco smoking. He has a therapist from Better Help but not helping. Keeps blaming with anger.

[@Veeisforvictory]

Those aren’t high quality therapists on Better Help. Shop around and find someone who is trained and qualified to treat those specific conditions. I recommend someone with a MFT, MSW, LMFT/LCSW, Ph.D. or Psy.D credentials who have more training.

[@CorePathway]

I’ve been that guy, and guess what: You can’t fix him. But you want to and so you are here watching this. An average therapist can’t fix him. Not their fault; they can only work with what he is willing and able to tell them. And doubtless he has a bright and clever mind with multi-layered trauma defenses that won’t let him near the real issues of early childhood trauma and insufficient attachment. The details don’t matter in the slightest; he didn’t get what he needed to feel safe and attached and is now largely emotionally dysregulated. Or distracted. Or stoned. And he is angry because he doesn’t understand why. Because his automated trauma response shields him from this knowledge. That’s what’s going on. And it will be crazy-making for you. Please consider taking your own mental health very, very seriously in this situation for as long as you choose to stay with him.

[@MrFirstonraceday]

Charlie, I’m sorry but you can’t fix it. Trust me, you are over your head. Get a new love interest or they will destroy you. I know, the red pill is bitter to swallow.

[@sandie683]

@@Veeisforvictory Thank you so much, he has strong denial and we have'nt spoken since August now.

[@sandie683]

@@CorePathway Thank you so much, I have never known of these illnesses and have been following Dr Fox, Dr Ramani or Dr Phil on KZbin. He was abandoned since childhood and had much abuse. As I am a higher earner than him, I always gave him what he wanted but the turn around finger pointing was so much stronger and hurtful. Now he is with his teenage busker who has a very high following on KZbin. Guess he has found his other supply.

[@NtSrndpty]

Thank you so much. Right now my therapist is unsure if I have bpd or if it’s a combination of cptsd, adhd and anxiety. This described my feelings that I can’t explain or even understand on my own perfectly, I will tell my therapist those things next time and hopefully I can get help ❤

[@tom3288]

Dr Foxes is the Man 🦸‍♀️

[@rickfromhell]

I think it would be helpful to distinguish the degree of severity assigned to a diagnosis from the degree of severity to which a person experiences the related symptoms. Only because even when people have some level of awareness around how severely they experience their presumed symptoms, they aren't always aware of how many experiences may relate to their diagnosis. That's the foundation of building insight I think, is beginning to bridge that disconnect between what a person has misguidedly learnt to accept vs. what they have misguidedly learned to expect.

[@reallythere]

I behave normal until I get an amygdala highjack and then I'm just doing irrational things like overspending and going broke. It happen's once every 10 15 years but it's massive. I hate it. I lose everything each time. Then it's fine. But I'm truly not knowing who I am, I've no frame of reference. I also get the paranoia but it's days on end not hours. Dissociation is deep and I'm unable to address it. It's terribly disruptive. Every help and shrink I got just enabled me to do worse. They validate my crazy because I look so normal.

[@Upinthetrees4095]

This is very helpful, Thank you.

[@richardpedley6291]

I was diagnosed with bpd i ended up bean adicted to heroin an metherdon for over 33 years it was the only way i could stay normal im not adviseing enyone to do this the drs i saw bib not belive me that i was ill im glad to say im over 2 years clean now but my bpd is hitting me hard i now i need to get it sourted out good luck everyone

[@DrDanielFox]

Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on being clean for over 2 years!

[@richardpedley6291]

@@DrDanielFox thank you i hope evrything is going well for you

[@CareBlair222]

I feel like I have this. I get depressed about it all. I always feel intense emotions about every little thing. I am a sensitive, emotional drama queen and I isolate myself because of it.

[@whitneycomplexyoga]

I used to be my worst when I was alone, but now I’m my best in hermit mode. Looking at the list, anything “moderate” or “severe” directly related with fear, anxiety, and anger that I experience as “triggers” around other people. Haha relationships will come eventually, I’m guessing once I’ve got one or two more “absent” self-management issues 😏

[@godlesssnowshoe]

6:28 is such a problem for me rn :/ everything is literally going my way, i just moved out, ive been sh clean for months, i got a cat whos an ANGEL(ive wanted one since i was like 5) i had been drinking less, and a friend visited me all the way from alaska (im in TX)- but i feel like a disasiter and relapsed in my sh and drinking and checking my ex/fp's socials, and i just feel 100% out of control to where i literally got in the car and was gonna slit my wrist at my ex's house (i didnt because a friend called and it kinda made me reconsider thankfully) just. uhg. why cant i let things go right???

[@TCreel]

I'm so lost. The ups and downs of the way I feel about myself. If I'm rejected I'm worthless I'm nothing. The fear of abandonment is so bad, when my wife finally left me after all my mood swings, projecting, substance abuse I tried killing myself multiple times. I've been to rehab, therapy, psych wards. It's so hard. I cling to people to prove that I can be loved and if they don't love me back I blow up on them and say horrible things. I don't know how I got this way. I'm a monster. I think a;; the time about how right everyone was that ever left me. I just want to be normal, I want to have healthy relationships, I want to not feel like fraud, I want be able to take rejection, I want to be a man. But I've become a sniveling little boy crying for help at the smallest inconvenience that others can laugh off. My whole world is constantly ripped apart and I have nothing of myself left. I'm trying so hard. I just want it to stop

[@DrDanielFox]

With nothing to lose let go of the past, get into treatment and go for it. Fight to win. You can do it.

[@peacepoetrypop]

1. (Mild) I was abandoned since babyhood it does not bother me anymore. 2. MODERATE MORE THAN 5* A MONTH 3. MILD - IM HERE , I COUNT , Iam important . 4. Absent - I have healed 5. Absent- practicing abstinence 6. Absent- I'm healed 7. MILD - WoRK IN PROGRESS 8. MILD- PIECE IF A PUZZLE STILL MISSING 9. MODERATE- Some PEOPLE that make one's anger explode And this too shall pass

[@originalusernameoftheyear6500]

I have all 9 of these at a severe level, but without outward rage towards others, just internally (I'd feel too much shame if anyone saw me lose control). I feel like my GP doesn't really care about me and just wants to diagnose me with something easy like ASD. His reasons were speaking with a monotone voice (I don't normally but every single time I see him I'm highly anxious and feel judged, seeing his eyes half closed like he is bored or annoyed with me when I explain how I feel, and being anxious makes me feel like I'm being choked and it's hard to control my voice), apparently my fear of rejection is somehow an ASD thing, and he says I have a concrete communication style, even though I'm literally sitting their taking ages to think about how I think he'd want me to say it and I'm trying to use terminology that he would be use to. My GP basically thinks I'm wasting my time looking for a psychiatrist but isn't giving me any other ideas for help, like even if I had ASD clearly there is something f*cked with my brain and I need someone to help me.