Chronic Abuse is a Biblical Reason for Divorce

[@DJ-ue8xx]

the truth is that only those who go through abuse can understand the damage it makes to one’s soul, body and spirit. To me, it felt way more destructive than adultery, and many women I know, who were cheated, agree with me… because abuse destroys you beyond your value as woman. It destroys your value as a human being.

[@DrDavidClarke]

very well said. I absolutely agree. Abuse causes deep wounds and ongoing trauma.

[@gb-yn2re]

so does being cheated on, which is domestic violence. Both are extremes..

[@DJ-ue8xx]

@@gb-yn2re yes, being cheated on wounds a person’s souls, absolutely. The issue with domestic violence in the terms of physical/emotional abuse is that it threatens and damages our sense of safety. We don’t feel safe to say a word; we don’t feel safe to wear a dress or wear a lipstick color that your husband doesn’t approve. You feel afraid to be, to breath. It’s so destructive to ourselves. it’s like we can’t dare exist as we have… that’s how it destroys our sense of being a human being….

[@gb-yn2re]

@@DJ-ue8xx I experience more dishonesty, or abrupt out bursts, blaming me for everything, putting me down, refusing to let me speak, and severe neglect of the relationship, he is not willing to meet my needs, and yells and threatens, slams doors or throws things, as long as I live up to what he expects I am ok to do whatever I want, I can wear what I want, I am angry at this point, not afraid.

[@brendabrinkmanpasichnyk3500]

It can and iften does - but Jesus heals, restores, renews.

[@Donnakdk]

Your right, the abuser NEVER wants a divorce! They will prolong it as much as possible as they are after the soul

[@patriciakubitz1379]

I think they are afraid of being exposed to the public for who they really are and of being alone / abandoned.

[@sarcasticcat4982]

Oh mine sure did. He has a new supply!!! He just thought stupidly that he was going to be unscathed.

[@susanturner9023]

@@patriciakubitz1379that is the why. Narcissist are a sad but evil catch 22.

[@karenroy9031]

Mine has always had a secondary source of supply. His daughter. Now he has whores online. He still won’t let me go and keeps trying to pull me back in. I can’t wait until he is served with divorce papers and I am FREE!!

[@lifesavingdivorce]

I'm glad you now hold that physical and chronic emotional abuse are biblical grounds for divorce. Thank you for saying this.

[@DrDavidClarke]

I wish I would have seen this truth earlier. My podcast and KZbin subscribers showed it to me!

[@cindyreeves5048]

Gretchen! Thank you for YOUR work as well.

[@rhanson1192]

@@DrDavidClarke I wish I would have known this chronic emotional abuse was biblical grounds for divorce....over five decades of suffering. Dr., thank you.

[@em77775]

@@DrDavidClarke Wow!

[@philipbuckley759]

one can seperate, or divorce, but the options are stark.....reconcile, or remain unmarried...

[@kimberlye5260]

Thank you so much Dr. Clarke for stating chronic abuse is grounds for divorce. I was a deaconess in the church. I was told by leaders in the church to endure (the abuse) and pray. I was made to feel like I would be wrong to divorce my husband and that divorce was sin. But they were not enduring the trauma, hurt and pain I was suffering. I would cry out to God, hoping He would miraculously remove me from this situation. But nothing happened. At my lowest points, I thought of ending my own life because I felt like I could not endure any more abuse. But then I started to research domestic violence, reading books in secret and watching KZbin videos on abuse and divorce. I started to think about the love nature of God. I thought about my children and not wanting them to grow up in this toxic environment. I continued studying, all while being attack by my husband’s flying monkeys. This added another layer of abuse. If the flying monkeys put lies in his head, he would come home and verbally or physically attack me as if it were truth, but it was a lie. But yet I endured and grew stronger. A friend’s mother told me that God called me to peace, not abuse. That resonated with me. Although I was afraid, I created a plan of escape. It took me one year to save, but I did. I told the Lord, if it is not your will (I still was worried about going to hell for leaving my husband) please close all doors. But that is not what happened. He allowed me to rent a four bedroom house for me and my four children as well as my mother, hire an attorney and purchase affordable furniture to fill the house. I left when he was at work. Once he returned home, he could not believe that I would actually leave because up until then he viewed me as vulnerable as I was orphaned and that surely my job could not afford me to be out on my own. Fast forward to today, 10 years later. I am emotionally whole (went thru counseling too), safe, my children are young adults and living their best life. And believe it or not my ex and I are cordial. I learned no matter the circumstances, GOD loves you and does not want you to endure chronic abuse. All the while I was praying to be rescued, God wanted me to trust him and step out on faith and trust God with the details. All is well in my life today. I share this story in hopes it will heal and help the next person to escape chronic abuse. Amen.

[@christineroy4917]

beautiful! may God continue to bless you and your family!

[@kimberlye5260]

@@christineroy4917 thank you.

[@lindsaywilliams3774]

Thank you

[@stephm5877]

I am so glad you're still here! You are so valuable. You're an amazing courageous mother.

[@kimberlye5260]

@@stephm5877 thank you.

[@sicobain]

My father is a narcissist and I'm grateful that my mother faced him and got the divorce. God bless you all!

[@thedrammingdrummer371]

I can't believe I've come across your Podcast 😊 I was in an abusive marriage for 14years. I divorced her because I couldn't take it anymore and I had been contemplating suicide as the only way out, as I believed that the only grounds for divorce were Adultery and Abandonment. I have 3 amazing kids from that marriage. I remarried 10years ago to a woman that I can only describe as an absolute blessing and Miracle. God is more good than I thought he was😊

[@KellyM-gv3bo]

Same with me but I’m a woman! God has blessed me with a wonderful man.

[@llcoolg52001]

Yep! Am ready to break that culture in the church and in my family 👍🏽🙏🏽 After enduring an abusive marriage for >20 yrs #EnoughIsEnough!

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

"39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@bekm2055]

same story here

[@mercylinemwangiri4130]

​@@earnestlycontendingforthef5332I wish you would ever sit and hear what people go through in toxic marriages... I believe the law of life is above the law of marriage...

[@susanblanche9684]

God hates Divorce but I think he hates cruel treatment more!!

[@ari3lz3pp]

Exactly. He gives reasons for people to divorce so obviously he understands it should be allowed at times. That we make mistakes and shouldn't have to suffer for those kinds of mistakes more by staying trapped in an unloving marriage. Especially unfair would it be to those of us that did not get raised on Biblical values. Even most Christians don't really know the Word. It tells us to be equally yoked and how to be in a healthy loving relationship. That's the most important thing, prevention of a terrible marriage. But for the rest; God made allowances.

[@PyroGuyUSA]

Thank you! As a man who has been in such a state, I've been agonizing over this allowance to stop emotional abuse.

[@StromLxrd6]

I lost my wife being abusive. Went to jail, God showed me so much about myself, about what I had in my wife and children. Going through it as I should but I deeply want to be the man God wants me to be and another opportunity to be that for my wife and father for my children.

[@piebbay]

how did it go?

[@emanueljones5451]

Good stuff. What about chronologically abusive wives? This teaching is truth, and truth applies to all believer, men and women. Respectfully submitted.

[@evakj4490]

Thank you for sharing this.. same to my church they say can’t divorce, I tell myself who is living this life of abuse? It’s me not them, they don’t live in abusive marriage and they don’t know..

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

"39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@kristinyoung2815]

@@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 Are you saying this to remind her of that verse? You do realize, I hope, that she dies, in fact, likely know this and take it seriously as well as believe that God can do miracles, He's done them in my own life. You, my well- meaning friend, have missed the point. Better to agree to disagree and then take the high road by praying for her as well as the rest of us who are equally misguided into believing that being abused is not God's plan for marriage. By the way, would you understand if a dog ran away from its abusive owner? Just asking.

[@stephm5877]

@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 "From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none" (from the same chapter) 1 Corinthians 7:29. Context is important.

[@KC-bg8sd]

Wow!!! Thank you...this will really help Christian women who really want to do the right thing biblically speaking. The church, maybe unknowingly, has really hurt many women and men. Thank you again.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@cellslave]

"Women?" You imply men can not be victims of abuse. Why do you hate men?

[@cliffcowart8711]

My abusive wife is covert narcissist . 25 year marriage and she left . Counseling is how I learned she is a narcissist and her Dr believes she has a personality disorder

[@focusvenesa]

This verse was my justification for staying and then to divorce: 1 Corinthians 7:13 KJV And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

[@dorisbrinkerhoff8124]

thank you i was crying like crazy . 4 out of 5 of us girls were abused . my sister was all black and blue

[@jennifere4641]

God knows me, he knows my faults, he knows my heart and my soul. God understands why I had to leave and get divorced. God would not want his daughter to stay in an emotionally unsafe marriage. God has guided me since mid-2018 and gave me the strength to leave when it was too painful to stay💖💖💖🌈🌈🌈

[@louises6729]

I’ve been married three years and had my head punched 8 times ended up in hospital by car smashed and bricks thrown in my window as I’ve tried to get away and chronic emotional abuse and I’ve hidden run and slept in my car for weeks as he threatened to kill be if I walked in the door after I finished work. He has been arrested six times and locked up one night and then came for me and I’ve given up after three years as the police can’t protect me Getting a restraining lever will be my ticket to death … he has stalked me and my car damaged so many times … god has kept me alive Three years into marriage it chronically damaging and so so depressing

[@tiffanysalerno]

😮

[@christineroy4917]

can you go to a woman's shelter?

[@friendlywarrior9033]

I love Jesus and I will always love Him

[@stacymcclure3531]

Such a HUGE message for me! Finally someone with education telling the truth of what I’ve been trying to tell others. Not everyone will believe this but my heart knows I made the right choices!!

[@bassman6692]

Who knew I had so many biblical reasons for divorce? So glad I found this channel!!!!

[@suzydebayle4608]

Thank you for this clarity supporting victims and bringing peace 💜

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

"39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@stephm5877]

@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 you might want to sit down for this. Did you know that you can be remarried and also on your way to heaven?

[@septemberdawnluketz]

I thank God for stumbling across your ministry. I nearly lost my life from an abusive spouse. My health not only declined physically, but also emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and financially. Though the physical bruises healed over time, the emotional scars are much harder to heal from. I also dealt with members of the church including his family unit trying to convince me that God doesn’t believe in divorce and I’m the problem if I don’t continue to endure it. Your ministry is saving lives. How anybody can teach anything other than what you describe is beyond me. If It’s a matter of life and death God doesn’t expect “til death do us part” be at the hands of an abusive spouse.

[@pameladavis9939]

Would you say selfishness is a form of abuse🤔

[@HumbledbyGod316]

Thank you for this because this is where I am struggling the most is the permission to get out of years of suffering and becoming weary. God bless you. 🙏

[@pryscylla_horn]

After I started working on myself, healing and seeing clearly what’s happening around me, I had no doubt inside me that God dosnt want me to remain in such toxic and distracting marriage, I was out without looking back x

[@jennifer9325]

Thank you so much DR Clarke. You have no idea what your work means to me! Im tired of been told by the church to endure more abuse!

[@TJ-015]

Spot on Dr. please do an episode for husbands living with abusive wives. It doesn’t get covered enough and a lot of men out here silently suffering.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Yes. They have every right to be wrong - what a wonderful quote from you. 🙏

[@kellydalton2663]

Dr Clarke, you said an abuse victim is free to divorce when God gives you the go ahead. How is one to know that?

[@StacyO31]

Thank you for this information. I’ve been away from him for 8 years now. I have always felt that God himself removed me from that situation but could not seem to reconcile it biblically. This is a tremendous help 💕 I am now trying to work on forgiveness but am running into a road block. I keep getting the sense that in this situation God is not requiring forgiveness. 🤷‍♀️

[@tiffanysalerno]

You are always required to forgive as in to release anger - but you are NOT required to reconcile (as in return to the relationship).

[@lindsaywilliams3774]

Listen to your gut. Sounds like you haven the Holy Spirit. I have learned unforgiveness in the form of resentment or anger is toxic to the self. And that an abuser is likely very hurt themselves. There is room for compassion (but not meaning remaining a victim).

[@warren6790]

You just got to love these people that call Jesus a liar, He said there was NO EXCUSE except it be for sexual unfaithfulness which would include ANY of the forbidden sexual acts written in the LAW and the prophets and not just any one of them, adultery, incest, man on man, animal sex, and whoredom, you might think you have to forgive the adulterer but that's not the case, you can divorce them however if your able to forgive, that takes a whole lot of love that not many have, it's just okay if it will make for peace, in most cases it won't

[@SummerSong-i7f]

I almost cry when I hear your reading the words from Bible

[@SierraK-o1p]

How to determine if abuse is chronic or not? I've been choked prior to the marriage beginning, physically restrained when I ask for space with arguments escalate into yelling, mocked, and do live in a state of more often than not, lack of peace. Struggling to determine whether or not to leave. Am also a stay at home mom. No car. No job. On a waitlist for a local organization that offers free counseling to dv sufferers but there's a long wait. The last incident was in January.. incidents involving physical violence are not often but have happened.

[@isstephanie4]

Nice break down of scripture and explanation of how God loves his children.

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

There are grounds for divorce given by Man's laws for unfaithful and reprobate Christians, but not for the faithful "FEW SAVED" . "2 Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a husband divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them, “What command did Moses give you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her.” 5 Jesus said to them, “He wrote this command for you because you're heartless. 6 But God made them male and female in the beginning, at creation. 7 That's why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, 8 and the two will be one. So they are no longer two but one. 9 Therefore, don't let anyone separate what God has joined together.” 10 When they were in a house, the disciples asked him about this. 11 He answered them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman is committing adultery. 12 If a wife divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (GW) Also .... "39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@isstephanie4]

@@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 that's twisting the context of those verses and ignoring the hardened heart is the one giving the abuse so already broke the marriage

[@em77775]

@@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 2 Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a husband divorce his wife?" This verse was originally asked as, "Can a husband divorce his wife *for any reason* " because it was very common and a huge problem that women were abandoned for other women while the men ran off with pagan women and left their first wife with nothing. 12 If a wife divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 This verse originally said if you marry a person who has been *put away* and not *divorced* which means if you marry a "put away" person then you are technically committing adultery because they were still technically married to someone else. It was also later changed to say a divorced person instead of a put away person. God does not want marriage to be severed in any way, but how could you be in a marriage with someone who won't ever have sex with you ever again? It's already no longer a one flesh union and no longer a marriage according to God's design. You can't be in a marriage with someone who doesn't care a single thing about you and won't stop neglecting or abusing you and they stay unrepentant. It's already broken. God can restore, but not when someone remains unrepentant. If Jesus himself gave up His life so that we can all repent and be saved and yet not all people even respond to THAT with love and obedience, why are you putting all this unnecessary bondage on other believers who were innocent in their marriage and got stuck with someone who simply wouldn't honor their marriage vows to them no matter what they did, as if it's their fault? If we don't join in a relationship with Jesus, then we are not saved. So then if there is no real marriage taking place with another person (both partners are faithful and honoring vows), then there is no marriage.

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

@@em77775 There are grounds for divorce given by Man's laws for unfaithful and reprobate Christians, but not for the faithful "FEW SAVED" . "2 Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a husband divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them, “What command did Moses give you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her.” 5 Jesus said to them, “He wrote this command for you because you're heartless. 6 But God made them male and female in the beginning, at creation. 7 That's why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, 8 and the two will be one. So they are no longer two but one. 9 Therefore, **don't let anyone separate** what God has joined together.” 10 When they were in a house, the disciples asked him about this. 11 He answered them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman is committing adultery. 12 If a wife divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (GW) Also .... "39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@em77775]

@@earnestlycontendingforthef5332 When someone commits adultery, commits abuse against their own flesh or abandons their spouse, they are separating what God has joined together. The paper divorce is just an acknowledgement of that.

[@jennyo82]

Wow wow wow. I SOOOO needed to hear this!!! Thank you!!!!!

[@jesusreturning3003]

This is a good teaching, i never thought about abigails husband, God gave you an interesting revelation, thank u for further insight, look forward to hearing your other podcast(s). 😊

[@jeaniewright8817]

God is so good ! Thank you for teaching what God says about such a sensitive controversial subject . I need to get your book . God Bless you !

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

There are grounds for divorce given by Man's laws for unfaithful and reprobate Christians, but not for the faithful "FEW SAVED" . "2 Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a husband divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them, “What command did Moses give you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her.” 5 Jesus said to them, “He wrote this command for you because you're heartless. 6 But God made them male and female in the beginning, at creation. 7 That's why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, 8 and the two will be one. So they are no longer two but one. 9 Therefore, don't let anyone separate what God has joined together.” 10 When they were in a house, the disciples asked him about this. 11 He answered them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman is committing adultery. 12 If a wife divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (GW) Also .... "39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

"39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@suebotchie4167]

Thank you so much for the Scriptures.

[@philipbuckley759]

it may be time to change the marriage vow.....to....as long as I am happy, and fulfilled....etc...

[@shellygiles5]

Abigail ended up as one of many of David's wives..she may have been released from the abusive husband, yet no picnic being one of many wives either I'm sure. Thank you though for what you have sought out.

[@MelanCholy2001]

I just replied this to another poster (in a 48 year Marriage!): I can now see Abigail as "joining the Church" by sparing her "clan" (the house of Nabal) and paying King David his dues that Nabal didn't, and widowed Abigal taking her vow on over to the man after Jesus' heart. (In the name of Jesus shall we be saved). But I still cringe a bit over Michol, Saul's daughter, being pulled out of her second Marriage in which she seemed pretty happy, but I guess I don't understand everything. We wouldn't have gotten the Penetential Psalms if David hadn't set Urias up to be killed to cover his impregnating Bathsheeba. My priests have said, don't overthink it 😂 Abigail made out good; probably didn't have to do many wife duties in a harem situation.

[@agataklimecka3346]

AND WHAT ABOUT MEN WHO ARE ABUSED ...?

[@ezbless100]

KJ21 But I now have written unto you not to keep company with any man who is called a brother if he is a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner. With such a one you are not even to eat.

[@KellyKibbe-fl2nv]

I truly didn't want to get a divorce. I love him still and I want him to have peace and I want peace. I was miserable for 2 years and I just couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't perfect I acted bad to him as well. I couldn't do anything right by him. I tried very much to do good to him. I just truly do not believe God wants anyone to suffer in any relationship. That includes both parties. I am a sinner I sin every day. I can't go back and redo things I could have handled better. I also know you come to a point where you realize your own worth and respect yourself to walk away. I don't say this With any pride but I say it with a conviction that respect means you know all of us have value we all should be respected. I pray alot over him. I want the best for him and I want it to work out with the next relationship for him. We all are called to love.

[@LyndaDixon-tm7uz]

Thank you do very much because I was accused for 54 years you are a Christian and you need to forgive and get over it

[@johnrea2]

What about an abusive narcissistic wife? Would you please add them to you videos and not just the men.

[@carolgreenidge2786]

Can I get a divorce if im emotionally mentally and financially abused?

[@jonesekjones5280]

They have every right to be wrong hahaha Love that, made me chuckle........

[@Giveintolove94]

Well said. Thank you. 🤍

[@jaredkyle8377]

they have every right to be wrong? lol. what a humble man.

[@tle7696]

God permitted Moses to write a bill of divocement due to the hardness of the hearts of the men.

[@pamelanelius1738]

What do I do if he won’t leave

[@sarahmoore6759]

wow, wow thank you so much.

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

There are grounds for divorce given by Man's laws for unfaithful and reprobate Christians, but not for the faithful "FEW SAVED" . "2 Some Pharisees came to test him. They asked, “Can a husband divorce his wife?” 3 Jesus answered them, “What command did Moses give you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to give his wife a written notice to divorce her.” 5 Jesus said to them, “He wrote this command for you because you're heartless. 6 But God made them male and female in the beginning, at creation. 7 That's why a man will leave his father and mother and will remain united with his wife, 8 and the two will be one. So they are no longer two but one. 9 Therefore, don't let anyone separate what God has joined together.” 10 When they were in a house, the disciples asked him about this. 11 He answered them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman is committing adultery. 12 If a wife divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” Mark 10:2-12 (GW) Also .... "39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@sunnydae777]

And physical abuse is quite common and happens often even in the church and if anyone is doing this to their spouse if you are physically assaulting your spouse you are demonized and in serious need of deliverance from spirit of hate and murder. And Ladies if that is happening to you you not only have a right you have a responsibility for your children your children can be demonized as a result of witnessing the abuse I encourage a woman going through this please leave for your own safety and for your kids and get demonic Deliverance for you and your kids hopefully there will be a minister or pastor that can give Deliverance for you for abuse it's very hard to find this type of video is very rare and this is not discussed much in the church whatsoever and it is the elephant in the room honestly

[@wendyfilice7274]

So helpful. Thank you 🙏

[@captainmartin1219]

I had an aunt that was physically abused by her husband for years. Dude beat her so much that after years her body just gave out

[@mariafihn6874]

Is this what I tell the priests ( it’s all true) abuse was reason for my spouse ( I NEED ANNULMENT!)

[@nicholecornes1915]

Im separated but what are you suppose to do when they are killing you

[@Kelz0818]

Thank you ❤️🙏🙌

[@grahamlucas1915]

No remarriage after divorce. Adultery

[@rochellecaffee3267]

Is Wayne Grudem’s article in his book about ethics?

[@samhedditch1060]

Marriage is indissoluble That doesn't justify an abusive marriage In those cases separation is necessary perhaps permanent You should not twist God's word Repent

[@nicholecornes1915]

And im highly religious

[@jashoo8597]

Does God not protect men from abusiveness?

[@inbutnotof8649]

amen 🙏🏼

[@philipbuckley759]

one can separate, but the options are to reconcile or remain unmarried....it is not a pass, on divorce and remarriage...

[@1963wheeler]

We have every right to be wrong?! Let's be really clear here brother. If I'm being verbally abused by my wife because she is lost I still made a commitment to God to love her and be with her for the balance of her days or mine. I am not goingna divorce her because my ears are being filled up with her garbage from her lost state of being. Even if she is safe and has been secured for eternity and cusses me like a dirty dog for the rest of her days, I still have a responsibility to God to take care of her no matter what she says or does because when you I do that means I will until death do we part. That's The Bible and it's not controversy! Jesus Christ died for my sins so I can put up with her garbage for the balance of my days and still stand before the Lord knowing I did the right thing! God is concerned about my comfort more than he is my character and that goes for you and everyone else reading this! Stick it out because that's what Jesus christ did for me and you and the entire world. Who knows what God will do with your spouse even on their deathbed ?! Only God knows !

[@stephm5877]

You say 'if', so I take it you're not in an abusive marriage & you're just being hypothetical. So hypothetically, maybe enabling her abuse keeps her from repentance. The vows are LOVE & CHERISH until death do you part. People like to skip the actual vow.

[@saturn7_dev]

Just separate if your really abused. No reason for divorce however for this - its not in the Bible.

[@breakinfree]

There is 0 room for interpretation for "pornea" sexual immortality from the direct words of our Lord.

[@WANDABARGEMAN-j3i]

I'VE NEVER FELT GUILTY ABOUT SEPARATING MYSELF AND FINALLY BEING ABLE TO GET AWAY FROM MY EX "GOD" MADE AWAY FOR ME TO BE IN A SAVE ENVIRONMENT AND GETTING THE ULTIMATE GIFT OF DIVORCEMENT THANK THE "LORD!!!"

[@setapartsanctuary2657]

You are stretching the truth horribly, David killed this man for being disloyal and 🗣️ bad on his name then he got yet another wife out of it... it wasn't God blessing divorce, it was God blessing David no matter what he's done.. You're diagnosing people with NPD from a text... without knowing and evaluating them?? What kind of shrink are you? My dad's a psychologist and he doesn't quickly diagnose these things, it takes a tremendous cross analysis... PTSD and BPD can imitate certain Dark traits of the dark triad.... Many people are just traumatized and need help... it doesn't permit it sir, you're lying on the bible and Wayne Grudem is adding his own opinion on the text. Don't add your feelings on the text.... we still let them leave but don't add your feelings on the text

[@Dcoops45]

You will never, ever, ever understand until you experience it. I would say I hope you do but the reality is I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies. You fucking pharisees will never know the endless harm you have done to the faith.

[@setapartsanctuary2657]

@@Dcoops45 how am I a pharisee?

[@cindyreeves5048]

You’re obviously NOT in an abusive marriage.

[@MelanCholy2001]

You should have a like. (Though King David didn't kill Nabal: he was about to, but Abigail intervened, begged mercy, told Nabal what she did, and God took Nabal out.) Jesus said Moses allowed for divorce because the people were stiff-necked and stubborn (or something similar), but that Marriage dissolution hadn't been intended except in the case of adultery (one of the the Big 10 which condemns a man). We Marriged types make that vow TO GOD, not to the spouse or the judges and lawyers of men. I think narcissism gets way over-used these days. I can see women being led astray easily by self-diagnosing her husband as a narc and bouncing into another bed thinking she's good to go. No, she is NOT good to go: she can't have sex again, much less remarry, unless things are done through the Church. It's likely that most people today would be classified as a "narcissist" by ANY shrink or doctor: most people are self-absorbed and this is a potential landmine for lost souls. But take out the pop psychology and Jewish crap, and I think abuse is a reason to get out of a dangerous situation. If it's literally "suicidal" to stay with a spouse, it might be considered "self harm" to not fly the coop. I like "Separate Maintenance" better (physical separation, see how things go in a year or so) especially for two Christians involved in a rough-and-tumble Marriage. But if a spouse CONSENTS, or is playing games, just get out and don't repeat. Stay celibate. Keep your vow to God even if the spouse doesn't or can't. (Makes sense anyway: if someone's attracted to real narcissists or psychopaths, they'll probably just get another one. Celibacy shows respect to God and to yourself.)

[@jimlong2469]

I agree.

[@Sandman78219]

You are a false teacher sir giving the feelings and cisrcumstances of a marriage a way to divorce and not separation which is mostly recommended. LET NOT MAN PUT ASSUNDER. HOW DIFFICULT IS THAT TO UNDERSTAND.

[@Jesusdiedonceand4all]

How do you quantify abuse...........emotional, physical, spiritual......part time, all the time, sometimes,,,,,,,....Divorce | Red Words Of Jesus Matthew 5:31-32 (KJV) It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: 32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery..........BE VERY CAREFUL DR. DAVID...YOUR ETERNAL SOUL IS NOT WORTH A FEW BOOK SALES.........

[@grant2149]

Excatly

[@kd5499]

My narcissistic ex said "what happened to death do us part?" when notified of impending divorce. My response was that I was already dead.

[@daughterofmyabba]

Well said. Death by 10000000 cuts.

[@stephm5877]

Amazing how they overlook the "to love and cherish" part.

[@lukasjacobi627]

Well that is a promise but not a bible-verse. But I also think abuse is a reason but that is my impression. ​@@stephm5877

[@DailyAgape]

Amen, my ex wife did the same thing after spending years trying to communicate how her actions were killing me and begging her to stop

[@The.Sicilian.Realtor]

Already dead 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 well said. I feel your pain sis

[@dnashj33]

Dr. Clarke, why must you ALWAYS, without fail, refer to abusers as MEN...especially when you know there are plenty of Narcissistic and Evil women in this world and some poor soul ends up married to them at some point? There are studies which show that 1 in 9 Men/Husbands are abused physically. I am one of those. I left my home over a month ago because of my wife's latest violent fit of rage (and they are always over the smallest things, that are not even worth an argument). I am required by law and by society to always show restraint (plus, I DO NOT WANT TO because I don't want to hurt my wife...yet she certainly wants to injure me), while women seem to get a free pass to explode in rage and commit violence against their husbands. My wife has a long trail of reviling and physical abuse towards me. Punching (not slapping), kicking...many, many times, breaking pottery over my arm (nearly causing a wrist fracture...if it were a more solid object, it would have), spitting in my face many times, pepper spraying me, threatening me with a knife (once said she would stab me in the face many times and slash my throat in my sleep...and other times said she would kill me if I ever cheated on her). There is so much more I could mention, but if I did even a fraction of the things she did to me, you and everyone else would be calling me a monster and screaming at her to leave. We have a small daughter together and that is why I had not left before now. I don't want divorce, but for her to get help....but she doesn't think she needs help and that I am the problem (using crazy Narcissistic projections and blameshifting). I try to find answers and support, but it is hard to find when I come across videos like yours, where you ALWAYS refer to men as the Abusers, and not the abused. I am just asking for you to be fair, because it feels a bit like being gas-lighted, as if my problem doesn't really exist, and only exists when the man is the abuser.

[@riada4996]

Two things. 1. Men can be abused to. 2. If I do decide to go through the divorce with my abusive spouse, I might start carrying business cards with me with te url to this video.

[@BlueJean751]

I married at 18 yrs old, he was 27 1/2. It's been a marriage from Hell, and I had counseling on and off by pastoral leadership all going in the direction of staying and praying . Love him more, be more... sick theology. It is now 48 yrs!! In April of this year, 2022, I discovered what I've been dealing with. I knew he had bi polar, but the missing piece has been covert narcissism!! I am putting things in place to leave and now I understand, divorce is necessary. I have many strong health issues, @66, so exhausted fighting the dynamics of narcissism...iam educating myself diligently. I now understand my marriage was an unholy alliance, or a demonic marriage covenant. It's fruit has been marred with ungodly legacy, including the murder of our 30 yr old daughter, 16 yes. Ago. It a tough battle! Thank you for telling the truth to us pastor! Bless you!

[@margosood1959]

Goodness...it's a miracle you're still alive...I don't know you, but I feel so bad for going through such toxic relationship and life for so many years!!! Unimaginable. Pray that God would set you free from him, and live peacefully for the rest of your life! He will meet your needs!

[@MelanCholy2001]

How are you doing? Dang, I think if I had 48 years in with a demon (I don't care about these psychological "reasons" - demon gonna demon), I'd pray God take your Nabal asap, especially since he's about 76 years old now. Of course there's always the possibility he's one of those long-lived ones who get to 96 and die slowly whilst cursing, maybe burning down the house before he "goes". That's a huge risk to take: 20 more years and he throws poop in his senility. I can now see King David's early growing "collection" of women wives as Christ growing the Church. (I don't think most people listening to this are planning to remarry, anyway. NOPE. Any Abigail might pull another Nabal.)

[@KC-bg8sd]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@luludoesmakeupmua9365]

😊😊😊😊

[@PJean3]

I so relate to this. My husband is also covert narcissistic. Just learned this word COVERT a few days ago. I am 67 and I married him twice!! Yes much work on myself is needed but I am growing. I've been abused by men including my father my whole life. Its allI know but its not what God wants for me. Its time to end this soul crushing marriage and abuse. Its also psychological as he is a bully and gaslites me. God help me and give me strength. So grateful God put Dr. Clarke's video up on my youtube a few days ago. Time for freedom. God bless you BlueJean751!!

[@dianegreenwood4180]

I am so glad you're doing this podcast on this subject. Back in the early 90s I was seeking counsel from Christian counselors regarding my abusive husband and I was told that I promise to be with him in sickness and health and that the abuse was a sickness. After much prayer and seeking God's face he led me to First Corinthians 7 and showed me that I was free in the way that you have taught. Along with the scripture where it says that when your husband has died you are free. The Lord showed me that that also means spiritual death. Spiritually you are free as a Christian to divorce them.

[@DrDavidClarke]

so glad God showed you the truth. Many pastors and Christian counselors don’t care about the awful damage being done to the abused spouse; God does care. He is furious with the abuser and wants you to get out. Stay tuned for the presale of my new book: 20 Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser. This sickness lie is one I shred.

[@melissagriffin748]

I had the same thing 34 years ago. My pastor told me that I needed to pray for him to get better. It broke me in so many ways. I did leave him - I was afraid that he would kill me- and I left the church. I was broken for a long time. My kids did not go to church, Sunday school, etc….which was my whole childhood. Now I have grandchildren who don’t even know what a church is. My 4 year old granddaughter calls many churches “sand castles”. I am so sad that it is this way.

[@dianegreenwood4180]

@melissagriffin748 Iam sad that you and your children lost connection to the true church of Christ. I pray healing and that God redeems the time for you, your children and your children's children. Counsel is good, but I have learned to always get confirmation from the Holy Spirit. The true lover if our souls.❤️

[@Jesusandcoffee3382]

I am the victim of not one but two husbands who were pathological narcissists and very emotionally abusive. The first one was a malignant narcissist, physically abusive, and had multiple affairs. He discarded me for one of his side honeys. The second, a covert narcissist, played lots of mindgames and manipulations and really messed me up emotionally. Emotional abuse IS abuse. It was actually far worse than the physical abuse. I left the second marriage after 14 years because I finally realized what was happening thru the Lord's intervention. I couldn't even speak a few sentences because I was under so much trauma. I thought I had dementia. Once I left, suddenly my memory and speech became normal again. Because I was raised by a narcissistic mother, I was ripe for the picking for these wolves in sheep's clothing. Both husbands were sociopaths. No empathy, sympathy, or guilt and were incapable of love. Both pretended to be Christians, but it became apparent they were not.

[@kimberlye5260]

So glad you healed and got away from your narcs.

[@garvinsmith4555]

Have you become a born-again believer yet? It's time to become one!

[@catrinawright9848]

I'm so glad I read your comment and can relate. I thought I had dementia too. I couldn't explain nothing or remember-still am a little. The trauma counselor asked me what I like to do. I didn't even understand that question because I was told...ordered...threaten controlled to believe what he said I was and if I didn't comply my soon to be ex will rage at me all day and night. I realize now I was on autopilot and numb for almost 20 years. It might sound strange to some but now that I'm present in the moment and not somewhere in La-la land everything looks and feels different. Can't explain.

[@anneboyle2240]

Very similar story! I'm recently out ❤

[@evakj4490]

I have been living with narcissistic husband for 16yrs, leaving and coming back to give him chances because I thought divorce was wrong, the abuse continued.. He made me lose my mind and reacted to him badly, he turned around and said he is the victim and innocent, never apologised and I have to apologise every single time. Enough is enough.. I left him and let God deal with him..

[@cindyreeves5048]

Thanks Eva. Same.

[@vanessanwachi7120]

Same here he treated me badly am still in the marriage because I don’t know where to go with 4kids I don’t have anyone to go to just waiting for God intervention

[@breakinfree]

Jesus is very clear and 0 room for interpretation. If you believe you are a true saved Christian, the only exception for divorce is sexual immorality. "Pornea"

[@kaystephens2672]

@@vanessanwachi7120 make him leave

[@KC-bg8sd]

@Vanessa Nwachi There are shelters that will help you...call domestic violence holiness. That is a start. I'm praying for you and your children.🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@bizantiumx3991]

By this logic God also supports polygamy since he not only blessed David with an entire harem, but even said "If this had not been enough I would have given you more." The fact is Christian ethics aren't about having sweeping generalizations, its about using discernment to "Judge righteously" as Jesus said instead of "Judging by mere appearances." Thats why there are times to "turn the other cheek" and there are times to punch bullies in the face.

[@joshuaescalante1273]

My Christian marriage therapist finally got it after he saw the narcissism from my now ex-wife.

[@Msow32]

I once heard a sermon of a man saying that as Christian wives.. we may die to do an abusive spouse but that it was our calling for Christ. That just like other people go through tribulations, women with abusive spouse is theirs that they need to submit to for their love to Christ. It really left me confused. I’m not in an abusive marriage but it scared me how easily someone can distort the Bible. Just felt demonic. I can’t picture God wanting a woman to die to her marriage from abuse.

[@Nitra813]

That is sick and that “ Christian” pastor was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Most likely an abuser himself. Gross.

[@barbwireb7779]

Indeed the Bible never speaks about leaving in case of abuse but I don’t need a ridiculous book that says a virgin that got raped has to marry her rapist and that if we die of abuse it’s for the love of Christ! Get real this biblical gos is evil to the core and insane!!!!!!

[@farmland-life]

Christian theology looks like a sect at times it is so sickening. Since I went the way of the Nazarenes, I found life again.

[@riks8269]

what about men seperate abusive woman? Its hypocricy to give these rights only women. Men suffering also

[@susandbbyron658]

God prepared me, and now I am divorced but going through a nasty settlement. The children are all grown and are on their own. My X has done a good job by lying and turning my family children, his family and friends against me. But, what do I care. I am free to love again and be loved. Whoopee!!!!.

[@pameladavis9939]

I'm the one that holds back physical intimacy😟 He is angry and tells me it's sex that keeps a marriage together!! I tell him I can't have sex with a person that hurts me and that is selfish!!😕

[@milaisabella3376]

The same here he always tells me that same thing but after sleeping with me that's all I fell bad

[@tiffanysalerno]

Hopefully you guys can get some christian marriage counseling so he can learn to not be selfish and mean!

[@sarahvanwye9551]

I understand this so much. He’s sexually coercive..tell me it’s like he doesn’t have a wife, telling me he’s going to look elsewhere, criticizing how I have sex 😞

[@pameladavis9939]

@@tiffanysalerno tried it, he walked out on me and left me! Any kind of counseling does NOT work at all!!

[@reitapresley925]

maybe the Lord removed trouble & sadness from your life. just give thanks anyway. lol.@@pameladavis9939

[@chrisk9759]

Thank you I divorced after 30 years of abuse

[@ladyvirgo013]

My husband cheated more than once, Zero repentance ☑️ He abandoned me,my daughter & home for his paramour ☑️ DIVORCE is happening ☑️ God has me. He us divorcing me, which he should become I had NOTHING to do with this

[@michellebell9931]

Living in fear in your home. Not being able to protecting yourselves or Children. Nope not going to happen. I will walk with Elohem and my Children.

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

"39 A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is free to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 7:39 (ASV) AMEN!

[@isstephanie4]

Give him no mind he isn't reading all the verses on marriage and accountability in the Bible.

[@LoriCrawford-m9w]

I would appreciate if you would not continue to refer to the woman as the abused. I have watched my brother be abused by narcissistic wife.

[@nicholecornes1915]

Love your wife as christ loved the chuch! And gave himself for it....thats not happening here

[@juliai710]

What do you mean God has to release me from the marriage? How do I know if I am being released?

[@earnestlycontendingforthef5332]

Julia, you will know when God takes him away for Judgement.

[@rhanson1192]

Yes please explain beyond the words "God has to release me" thank you.

[@stephaniet6141]

Thank you for sharing this for those of us feeling like we failed our marriage even though it was liking us on the inside. I want to be in God’s will and be obedient and this helps me be at peace with the decision I felt forced to take. Not officially divorced yet, but thank you for showing that our God does care and loves us so much that he wouldn’t want that suffering for us or our kids. I did my best to be supportive And help my spouse with his addiction and mental health but he never really took the initiative to take care of those which greatly affected his behavior and our marriage, not to mention our kids. I felt obligated as his wife to encourage him not to give up that we could work it out together but he never really put his part to make actual significant change and continued to be verbally emotionally abusive and aggressive. Even if he didn’t meant to because he was under the influence. I endured and prayed and gave it my all but enough is enough! Since we’ve been apart I’ve been able to reclaim my relationship with Jesus and stay spiritually connected so I know the Lord is with me.

[@ShawnLilly-t8g]

I am divorced now. The Christian support group for my husband's addiction, I will not name it but I will never trust a Christian support group again), also had a support group for the betrayed wives to help?, wives heal. It traumatized the women in my group more. The curriculum for the women labeled Abigail as a codependent/fixer because she took matters into her own hands. Is it any wonder we cannot believe Christian counselors. You traumatize us and confuse us also. We get beaten up no matter which way we go.

[@dianederita2758]

If anyone chooses to save themselves From an abusive relationship, there should be no one needing to give them evidence or any outside permission to do so.

[@mlatrellelove]

God hates abuse. Jesus tells us “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”-- Matthew 22:37-40, 37. Love is the greatest commandment. Abuse is the opposite of love. God tells us what His Love is in 1 Corinthians 13. If someone tells you they love you and they aren't treating you as instructed in 1 Corinthians 13, it's not biblical love. Get to know and understand God's true Love so you won't be deceived by counterfeits.

[@joyfultrails]

“Abuse” has become a catch-all term that can mean anything and is often, well, abused. Much like the term “narcissist.” But to frame this as an issue that only affects women is misandry. Husbands are often abused emotionally and psychologically by manipulative wives.

[@suebotchie4167]

Thank you for the Scriptures. Yep, people who tell abused spouses to just continue taking it, need to mind their own business.

[@lieliesstorybook]

Thank you for your podcast. I have had such anguish about leaving my abusive husband. I was so scared that if I got divorced it would be againt God's will.

[@reitapresley925]

by staying with the abuser is in satans plan not a loving Lord.

[@Sealust50]

Yes, a physical abuse is a possible exception for divorce, BUT remarriage after the divorce is NOT authorized according to the bible. You can divorce, but you can't remarry. Therefore, in order for you to not be in danger of committing fornication (sex outside of marriage), you must remain celibate for the remainder of your life. That's a tough requirement, but the scriptures made that clear.