Never Trust a Scorpio. Joe Zimmerman - Full Special

Whether you're a scorpio, or whether you're not good at flirting with your personal trainer, Joe Zimmerman has experienced it all, and he's here to tell you all about it in his Full Dry Bar Comedy special. If you're interested in investing, or consider your self a person who always imagines the worst case scenario, then this Dry Bar Comedy special from Joe Zimmerman is for you!
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[@friendlytaps]

He just sounds like your inner monologue not the angel or the demon but the human voice

[@2beolivia]

Yes, absolutely especially talking to people after a breakup.

[@barbaramullins4233]

Inner self. Our best friend and best voice ever

[@iriskeniafernandez]

This is soooooo mind blowingly true

[@maximaman06]

Oddly enough, I think he sounds like Doug Benson. Voice wise

[@alexandrefreitas2040]

Nice definition.

[@Eliza-ig9kz]

"Did I offend you with my friendship" is just me all the time

[@goxcrazii]

I love that one! lol!

[@softlightlaboratory]

Yes but the are racist to

[@Eliza-ig9kz]

@@softlightlaboratory Who? Why?

[@MaxXHavokK]

Its fine.. some of us are just (alittle) too friendly....cant be helped.... and just forget I exist if I had more than 4 beers...I'm everyone's friend

[@zaniada]

@@softlightlaboratory seeking to find hidden racism in everything must be exhausting. Let me find you a chair before I grab the worlds smallest violin.... Just stop with the race baiting and all of the hate. Its time.

[@gankenator]

The lady laughing in the background is such a gem. I love hearing people unafraid to just belly laugh.

[@GodlyVibe_]

Right she made all jokes even funnier lol

[@gankenator]

@@GodlyVibe_ Yeah she did haha. Her laugh made the show for me

[@beth-annrock237]

Her laugh is absolutely infectious 😂

[@gankenator]

@@beth-annrock237 Right!? I love shows like that.

[@caity9244]

So true! Gotta love it. 🤪

[@cf921]

This guy has a "lost the will to live" vibe, hilarous af

[@lelurve]

he is a scorpio lol theyre born that way

[@justforfungamergirl7402]

Lol mood

[@heatherwagar2898]

I’m a Scorpio and I get it 🤣🤣🤣

[@PCKA1987]

I’m not sure if it’s helping my depression or... 🤔 😂

[@PCKA1987]

Haha yes. Must be a Scorpio thing. 😂

[@baraka256]

You have to live life like the woman laughing in the audience... to the fullest 🦾

[@dudex765]

I can appreciate that if it wasn’t the main thing my mind is focusing on because it’s... loud

[@baraka256]

@@dudex765 haha... it is full

[@OEMPlus]

thinking that the whole time. that one's a keeper.

[@bow_wow_wow]

It sounded full alright

[@isdowning883]

She having the night of her life 😂

[@VioletJoy]

I just love dull, dry humor. He's consistently funny. Loved it.

[@glgartman]

One of the most talented comedians I've ever seen. He's able to turn his observations of the human condition into amazingly witty and intelligent humor.

[@AuroraAquarius]

Agreed!

[@jeeyoona]

Meditation is closing your eyes and worrying about everything. 😂😂😂 Oh no is my mantra 😆😆😆😆😆

[@patscorner7015]

😅😆😂😂😂

[@MSBLS721]

He needs to find that woman laughing and marry her!

[@Ir0nMa1d3n]

I'm surprised he didn't acknowledge her.

[@Estiallina]

He can’t marry his mom! What kind of sicko are you? 😜

[@MrTPF1]

@@Estiallina LOL!!

[@westphotographyanddesign6559]

He needs to find her and shove a sock in her mouth.

[@CassendreXavier]

I'd be willing to bet she's not his "type." She probably doesn't look like his personal trainer or the women he oggled when he *did* have a girlfriend :)

[@brodysmiles4233]

“You can approach anyone who you immediately offer employment to” That went over their heads😂🙆🏽‍♂️ That’s was like a triple entendre 😂

[@swatisrivastava1059]

Omg that woman is really enjoying She's living her best life 😍

[@SlickArmor]

If this is her best life she's worse off than he is.

[@andrewoduor3726]

He is so hilarious. And he did it so effortlessly. Amazing, 10 out of 10.

[@NIHILWR]

"i was reading an study, well an article, well a headline to be honest" bruh xD

[@charanewman1434]

🤣

[@macummings7818]

😀

[@adeho789]

That's what I always do.

[@abisheks8511]

Well one woman in the crowd is thoroughly enjoying herself.

[@b.c.9358]

I think she's just close to the crowd mic but I like to imagine she's just sitting there having the laugh of her life

[@sepharaSwift]

He started the gig by telling her he’s single so... she’s really impressed.

[@wosborne5535]

You heard her too??

[@iriedance70]

@@wosborne5535 Who didn't! I think at first she was distracting him, but then she just became part of the show. Funny guy 👍

[@mscir]

LOL same here.

[@killerqueen7489]

Laughed all the way through, excelent special

[@touchmeoverlord2767]

omg, was that you in the crowd?

[@kentmurren8932]

@@touchmeoverlord2767 9y0

[@isdowning883]

I think I heard you, glad you had a great night 🙃

[@killerqueen7489]

@@isdowning883 It wasn't me in the crowd ya'll...lol

[@isdowning883]

@@killerqueen7489 wish I could send a gif, I’d hit you with the gnarliest “Yeah right, sure” ever 😂🤣

[@stephaniegeorge6444]

It's like watching Napoleon Dynamite meets Eeyore.

[@nailsthatstunt3665]

😁

[@bloodrose7587]

Napoleon Dynamite was Napoleon Dynamite meets Eeyore 😂

[@stephaniegeorge6444]

@@bloodrose7587 *giggles

[@living4mylord]

😂

[@EBbaby23]

I’m going to try that with my kids- what a great use for them! “Come here! I’m bored, compliment me” can’t wait to see what they say 😂

[@goodcleanfun.with.aubrierose]

😂 What did they say?

[@monkiram]

Please keep us updated

[@blueskyalldayeveryday]

I guess it didn’t go well. Nobody seen this guy since. Ahh the kids these days…

[@applepear7006]

This is some of the most enjoyable standup I've ever heard, and I watch/listen to standup multiple times a week!

[@AuroraAquarius]

Same!

[@EvilishDem0nic8732WhatItDo]

Scorpio here and yes we can be heartless but we'll be sad about it later on and apologize

[@GenXfrom75]

my son is also a Scorpio, he turned 17 yesterday. I watch that one! LOL.. but he's a sweetie.

[@alexgrouette7899]

Me too honestly tho

[@Dogen70]

Sounds like something a Scorpio would say to make you think they have empathy

[@DavidLopez-th4lw]

Aka you apologize because it made you feel bad not because you made them feel bad? Bro lmaoo

[@saitamasensei267]

I dont feel bad i may wonder if i went overboard but never bad

[@kerukei1]

Joe is officially one of my new favorite comedians.

[@FigaroHey]

"Billy, get over here...compliment me." That was my father.

[@aishukidaisuki]

the jokes, from setup to delivery was so well done 😂love it!

[@Mateo-et3wl]

You're the best! Not just saying that because I'm a scorpio. This set was golden

[@Ryfibi]

Imagine giving therapy to this guy

[@Digitizeddragon]

No lol

[@nalanibelvin251]

I'll do you one better- Imagine GETTING therapy from this guy

[@potatowarrior747]

He's hilarious but that'd make me cry

[@-Kal-]

Imagine being this guy’s therapist’s therapist

[@wingnutmcspazatron3957]

His voice, attitude, demeanor, everything 😂 I hope he gets bigger.

[@jakeofalltradesmusic]

"We're looking to find him a forever home... Because he lives forever. He's a demon." 😂

[@jdfodio]

Only joke that made me laugh...and I read it before I heard it.

[@SharlaMontgomery]

I'm stealing this line 😂😂

[@maryanne9927]

Hey, remember how you dont like me, how about now?🤣🤣🤣

[@maryanne9927]

Ooh...thanks for the likes.

[@itsdaeyonglim]

That woman's laugh is priceless

[@user-bo8nb2mi]

Probably his relative

[@aaronmcclure1]

"Why is this baby in my area?" Lol YES!

[@thirtyacres7504]

He should ask out the woman in the crowd now that he doesn't have girlfriend.

[@TheChrismsanchez1]

I'm a Scorpio...sting!

[@andreaseferi8204]

In your @ss

[@Niki-mp8qe]

I'm a libra/scorpio cusp so either 100 honest or 100 dishonest no one will ever know lol

[@zaniada]

@@Niki-mp8qe if you're dishonest for a measurable amount of time you're dishonest. :) If its situational and you only lie when you get in trouble or something- still dishonest. But hey it's okay. People, all people, lie every single day.

[@ruthhh.m]

Would the lady with the hearty laugh please come down to the front, you and Joe might be a match made in heaven, idk😂

[@margaretmarshall3645]

I apparently have been doing a very inadequate job of answering the “worst that could happen” question all my life! But he did a fine job, lol.

[@WorklLife]

I wish I knew where to see you! This humor is 50% logic and 50% sarcasm. He makes you laugh before and after you figure out what the logical humor part is. Wow!

[@Vunderbread]

One of the funniest sets I've seen in a while, he's masterful in many ways

[@AzkuulaKtaktu]

Scorpios are the most trustworthy, but the trust must be earned and maintained.

[@beastmaster415]

💯

[@kevindavis872]

👊👏👏👏👏

[@andreaseferi8204]

They are untrustworthy. The most reliable are Capricorn and Taurus with Aries tendencies

[@AzkuulaKtaktu]

@@andreaseferi8204 steadfast doesn't necessarily equate to trustworthy, just as shifty doesn't necessarily equate to untrustworthy

[@teaearlgreyhot2143]

Lol

[@happybirthday146]

Listened to two Joe Zimmerman videos in a row without looking at the screen, then looked at the comments. First video's comments were about his blinking. Second video's comments were about a lady laughing. Glad I just enjoyed his comedy.

[@Estiallina]

Nice of his mom to attend and be the laugh track.

[@codyray867]

Yo this guy is funny.

[@alishashadows9599]

@@codyray867 it’s a joke 🙃

[@MaryOKC]

LOL! 😆 that’s funny...

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

I thought the same thing 😂

[@mikebond6328]

I figured sister.

[@gildaolsen2888]

Such a simplicity in his lines, but with a tremendous punch. 🙏

[@b.c.9358]

The game of "where were you yesterday" is much less exciting now. "Where were you yesterday?" "At home."

[@downbntout]

Of all the Dry Bar comics, this guy is my fav

[@bow_wow_wow]

Dude, amazing style, nice, ironic self-deprecation (ironic because you can tell he's comfortable in his own skin and likes himself)... Great humour, was laughing all the way through.

[@melissas7980]

Never heard of this guy, but loved him and laughed out loud from the start. Then I found that woman with the obnoxious laughter REALLY working my last nerve. And THEN, i paused and read comments. It was amazing to me how many people commented favorably about this woman and her obnoxious laughter. I decided I needed to lighten up. The world needs this. Thanks, y'all. xo

[@jessicaberry87]

Omg! My stomach HURTS from laughing at that Lasik bit.

[@tacotacotington3638]

Very good special, was laughing from start to finish

[@Mizosoop]

I am cracking up at work. "We do have one left. It's a Chupacabra." Lmao.

[@ataraxigrace822]

Just googled. Now laughing

[@danielleleclair1125]

Seems nerdy as hell at first then that Scorpio smile, wordplay, eyes and intelligence hit. Enjoy this. As much if not more as that one lady. Also, start saving for socks.

[@say1716]

That "worst case scenario" joke had me laughing!!

[@beththompson2188]

Wow he really thought that Lasik thing through!

[@joseph2ne]

I have burst out into laughter so many times during set- nice job! 😂

[@jennavevestclaire]

OMG naked. Chipotle. Bed and “Do you have New Girl on Hulu??? I died!! LOL Thought I was the only one??

[@richdarksauce]

You really lik this guy ..dont you ! Jennaveve lol

[@lauriemichael7528]

I hope he saw your comments and things worked out well for you!

[@simplyredislandgirl]

Hilarious!👏😁 All the Scorpios in house, say yay!🙌 You can trust some of us, we aren't all tricky!👍💪 Some of us are really honest & loving people when u get to know us deeply!😇😊

[@umarnolen3616]

Key word, deeply

[@waynewhite2766]

Yay..

[@youcrazycat1]

Yup

[@susannairisastarte5192]

True

[@pepguardiola5878]

Be honest we all want to see the lady who laughed soo hard in the audience 🤣

[@leslievey8453]

She's a paid " laugher " .

[@living4mylord]

An obnoxious one sadly. Most fit in and raise the level of the audience. This one was loud and more every time. An interruption from my POV as opposed to part of the entertainment and laugh drive.

[@larrissamorris9054]

This guy is awesome. I laughed the entire time 😂😂😂 time stamp innocent 😇

[@richardryan7566]

One of the most underrated comedians doing it

[@theimmigrantwoman]

He is the best! Voice so peaceful to hear, jokes well paced. No hurrying or shouting. He is the best dry bar comedian for me thus far!!!

[@m.n.d5949]

This guy is hilarious ! And its intelligent humour too! Loved this stuff.

[@annedunbar4598]

Joe you made me break out the ugly laugh! Died laughing. You are laugh therapy. Though you couldn’t be a real therapist since it isn’t part of your name. 🤣

[@alistairt7544]

I love that woman's laugh, it's so full and hearty 😂

[@philipjordan6789]

Great show joe.....the laughing lady was great to😂😂

[@myfamilymatters]

Wow. Hilarious. Very talented comedian. That wonderful woman in the audience was fun to listen to as well.

[@rogersledz6793]

@Dry Bar Comedy Thank you for uploading this delightful video. YOU are providing an ESSENTIAL SERVICE for all socially responsible people who chose to minimize their non-essential direct personal contacts, even though it is no longer mandatory. These shows help KEEP US SANE. God bless, be strong and remain hopeful. Roger J. Sledz, Staten Island ( NYC ) 10/3/2020 👍☺️🇺🇸🗽

[@noliravioli2506]

“Google it” is what my parents say all the time. That’s there way of admitting that they don’t know the definition of what a taco is.

[@stevescuba1978]

My dad told me, before the internet age, "I bought you encyclopedias for a reason".

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

But tacos are only truly defined by their place in the whole foods diet... You know, those pockets of emptiness that fall out the back end? That may not be "droppin-tacos" but it truly defines the tacos.

[@f_USAF-Lt.G]

@@stevescuba1978 I thanked my dad for my codec set... That scroll was monstrous😳

[@CatsArePeopleToo]

I love the jury logic, it's so true.😄

[@marythompson7874]

Joe's a natural comedian! He's a brilliant comedy writer! Joe ought to be invited to do stand-up performances on all of the biggest late-night variety shows, such as "The Tonight Show" with Jimmy Fallon and "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert. I also think that Joe ought to compile all of his acts into comedy books, divided into many short chapters of about a page or two for each topic; he could get those published by a major publisher, similar to Erma Bombeck's books.

[@andrievbastichy8551]

that woman laughing.. so satisfying.

[@ernesto5397]

Kiddin me? I stopped watching cos of her

[@riotsquirrelz]

"Do you want cookies...or should I google that..." lmaoooo

[@JTuaim]

I'm a gemini, I'm never sure which one of me I can trust.

[@somedude2492]

That sounds more like psycology than it does astrology...

[@ajm0824]

Juan Sambucetti fudgggyu

[@ajm0824]

Ggtggtgg

[@allgamingnetwork9448]

can relate xD

[@Infinite8blue]

They say gemini are two face, but I don't believe in astrology

[@novemberonathursdaymanymoo7459]

I would never deny being a Scorpio.. Only the strong will survive a Scorpio!!

[@susannairisastarte5192]

Exactly. It scares the wrong ones away

[@eaglespiritt]

💪🏾♏️🦅

[@karacoleman7674]

As a pisces, I scare Scorpios away lol... They hate that I just know things about them. Can't hide from a pisces. Usually goes great initially until they start being mean and nasty and I call them out on their stuff. Don't get me wrong, I am kind about it, but it doesn't matter. Scorpio doesn't want anyone to know their secrets. When you get too close even if you mean well they will push you away

[@eaglespiritt]

@@karacoleman7674 🧢

[@angelicastea9053]

No … y’all are narcissist … it scares people that deserve better away!!!!

[@397jollyroger]

Thanks for posting! Joe is very funny, really lightens it up!

[@kelleythorrington4820]

Joe, you are phenomenal!!! Thank you for the laughs! Loved this xx

[@tripulet]

I thought I was the only one who randomly imagines building an alibi 😂

[@bonitadiablo]

It you are like me, it is probably from too much binge watching of Law and Order SUV, CSI and Criminal Minds! Lol

[@rbk7876]

If laughter is the best medicine then that lady is a pharmacy ! 😂💊

[@Earthy9025]

🌷 My kind of humor. He was great! Thank you 😊

[@Showmetheevidence-]

I’m not the anxious type, but “prove where you were yesterday” sounds like fun 😂

[@brendanjacobson7048]

The line you finished with was just the cherry on top man I don't know how you come up with this stuff but it's hilarious

[@BeegirlsHoneyHouse]

What an endearing chap‼️🌎🤓 I really really needed these laughs this evening….😃👍🏽

[@orcaoracle]

Absolutely hilarious! The laser eyes worse case scenario had me beside myself! My new favourite comedian Joe Zimmerman!! Yeeehaaaa!

[@kimnahboi3188]

Absolute Gold!!!

[@zaniada]

I like that he sounds like Napoleon Dynamite and my brother. Its oddly comforting.

[@fitzwilliams4215]

That one woman is really enjoying the jokes 🤣

[@Stoicrespect]

This guy is really good his delivery on the topic is on point

[@jamaicanlegend6063]

Hey you wanna go home with me tonight? I’m afraid of being charged for murder 😁🤣😂 hilarious

[@kineretweiss4883]

Omg did u (or rather he) see “the flight attendant”?

[@LindyLouCantu]

Great, creative material, and his deadpan style makes his set even funnier.

[@anydae]

The lady that's laughing is his wife lol She's got to be!

[@angelsunite7809]

Pffffft she's paid to laugh.

[@thatswhatshesaid6326]

Either that or this is the first time she’s ever heard a joke 😏

[@ericaleitzel7664]

Me watching this at 2 am.... "It wasn't me officer!"

[@DrSebby]

Quality stuff! Not many comedians make me want to seek out their other stuff. But this guy will

[@f5mando]

Joe Zimmerman is a very funny guy. Great set. Bravo.

[@annetteasbury7415]

"Dude, you should've just hit that dang dog dude"🤣🤣🤣 I LOVE dogs, but that southern accent had me DYING!

[@theresajones8367]

This guy’s humor is definitely my style. I laughed so much!

[@sherrelynn5240]

Lol this is GOLD! Love his delivery

[@BlazeOffRoad]

This guy is so hilarious. I listen to a ton of comedy and this is great! Lol

[@gypsywoman9140]

Better than expected! Actually made me laugh, which not every comedian can do.

[@samanthapeters8314]

I do the same thing playing "where was I at certain time to prove I'm innocent of murder?" I think this game makes me anxious. I scratched the back of my shoulder. A split second later he did the exact same thing. Technically he did it first because this video was filmed a while ago. That's freaky.

[@LauraPeterson-tf6zb]

Meeting that right person can be fun and funny. Find your soul mate and laugh together and have funny children. A happy funny family is great.

[@stephaniejefferson6566]

How did it possibly take so long for The Algorithm to send Joe Zimmerman my way. He is really funny! What was that first big laugh? Let me listen again...

[@kiannavictoria5021]

He was great laughed the entire time

[@dominique1824]

I have not laughed this hard in I don’t know how long!! 😂

[@jennavevestclaire]

Dude, thank y’all so much. I needed those laughs.

[@Tommymybaby]

I really like him, so funny!