Dumbass journalist can't get past tutorial

[@jessetheanimenerd3304]

The longer I watch this, the more surprised I am that this guy even made it past the main menu.

[@crash-testproductions9341]

"Press start to begin" What can this even mean ?

[@uselesstable2058]

@@crash-testproductions9341 *presses PC startup button

[@Lillianz2012]

@@uselesstable2058 What? It didnt work? Hold on i know! Im gonna start my car and it will turn on!

[@user-zv8li5ix7t]

@@Lillianz2012 It didn't work, I'm going to turn on the nuclear bomb so it starts.

[@-mixedup]

@@user-zv8li5ix7t Dam, it isn't working still? Oh, I have to turn on my BEAN MACHINE

[@dampestsplash3628]

I think we found the dude playing on all those mobile game ads.

[@Krystalmyth]

_Oh No no, No!_

[@TheIcecypherToys]

This is the best comment.

[@wasquash]

WE FOUND EM

[@raapatarobert4197]

Holy shit YES DUDE IT IS TOTALLY This muthafuckah right here I swear

[@pokzgg]

that's almost true mobile ads are even more dumb than this but this mkan get dangerously close

[@splat-a-tat6780]

I like how this singular guy basically annihilated the reputation of game journalism online

[@miloinindo]

There are many videos of gaming journalists failing to understand the most foundational concepts of the games they are playing, and then turning around and writing about it as if they are experienced experts.

[@leonardorossi1543]

It was tarnished long before that but yeah, this helped a lot reaching the finish line

[@TimothyGod]

@@miloinindo true, but this is pretty bad

[@palavrapormil699]

If game journalism was a old man in the hospital, this guy took the plug off

[@jakubgrono9070]

​@@miloinindo yea like doom

[@Rycidex]

Gaming journalist is such an interesting profession. Being terrible at both gaming and journalism, yet still doing both is really fascinating.

[@kylevasser6388]

The cuphead guy isn’t even a game journalist though. But no one bothered to research that cos the internet is full of retards.

[@anotherone3815]

Reminds me of the redfall gameplay

[@ihaveakirbyobessesion2617]

FACTS

[@NetBattler]

They only know how to gaslight you 😂

[@Vinicius_Muller]

It really gets me thinking, your job its literally PLAY A VIDEOGAME, IT CAN BE HARD, BUT YOU ARE EARNING FOR THIS, H O W you can earn for something that 95% of who play videogames PAY to do, and yet, you can be worst that a 6 year old child at your WORK.

[@PanDebowyMocny]

People like these are the ones who make final decision in GOTY awards.

[@inilthfirescales1287]

People like this are the reason The Last of Us 2 won Game of the Year.

[@xptaco2298]

@@inilthfirescales1287 They were probably able to get through the game on Easy mode with all the aids on

[@alexyz9430]

@@inilthfirescales1287 shit game, hate it when jessica did the doobly doo what huh??????

[@JustAnArrogantAlien]

And that is why none of us should pay attention to Game of the Year awards. Or any other awards, really.

[@sireromen5364]

Yeah but Control was a pretty good game

[@z0nite]

Fun fact: he is game journalist for over 20 years.

[@Coffeebomb22791]

Yep

[@pantslesswrock]

Fun fact: writing is much more important to journalism than being good at video games. You don't have to be good at sports to be a good sports journalist. And you certainly don't have to be good at one game marketed on its difficulty (a game that actually loses a lot and becomes a lesser single player experience because of its difficulty, no less) to be a good journalist/reviewer. That's like saying a food journalist is bad because they've never had that one pufferfish dish with the death.

[@tofuinacup5161]

@@pantslesswrock True, but you should be at least decent or very average at it. Most game journalists, I assume, aren't good at games in respect to gamers. They're just average and that's fine. But seeing journalist like this one in the video is just extremely sad as their incompetence really ruins the experience the developers wants players to feel.

[@lukahavelka7875]

@@pantslesswrock this is the dumbest comment I’ve ever seen. If you’re this terrible at video games that you can’t beat a tutorial that utilizes the most common mechanics in platforming games than you definitely can’t be trusted to write about the game.

[@monkaeyes3417]

@@pantslesswrock actually most sports journalists I’ve seen are retired sportsmen who are past their primes and can’t compete anymore. At least all of the good ones. And most if not all food journalists have to be able to cook well in order to judge the difficulty of the dish cooked. I would not trust a single journalist in anything if they are as brain dead in their field as this dude.

[@elFulberto]

I love how music starts anew at 1:30 just as he stumbles on the next obstacle. It's like the game's saying, "here we go again!"

[@vrabo3026]

You just made this video 50 times more hilarious for me.

[@ZkullShot]

aint nobody getting stuck in the tutorial long enough for the music track to repeat itself 💀 this dude...

[@vintage-radio]

"new music, new obstacle"

[@WhoThisMonkey]

I shared the clip to my housemate and read this comment as I heard the music reach that point. 😂

[@NikodAnimations]

777 LIKES DONT CHANGE IT

[@poika22]

I love that when this first came out they tried to explain it with "he's our strategy game reviewer, he doesn't specialize in platformers!". I'm pretty sure I could've beaten this at age 5.

[@magnesjberg24]

Couldnt they gotten someone elses gameplay who atleast is semi competent? Like, just call in your gamertard son to do the gameplay for the review. 20+ years of gaming Journalism is inexcusable.

[@wtfduud]

Some guy actually recorded his 6-year-old daughter playing this tutorial for the first time, and she did it faster than this guy.

[@poika22]

@@magnesjberg24 IIRC this was recorded at some live event where they had only sent this one reporter. Who "didn't specialize in platformers" but since he was there and Cuphead was brand new, he decided to capture some footage. You'd think anyone who's ever played a video game would have the self awareness to see how bad the footage is though.

[@magnesjberg24]

@@poika22 thats very unprofessional. i would be ashamed if that was my footage

[@G40ST2K10]

Oh yeah, he’s definitely a strategy game guy, put him in a strategy game and he definitely won’t use a support move on an enemy

[@Maartimer]

This looks like the initial stages of an AI trying to learn to play a game

[@ashenoneartorias1396]

And AI will make it in the end, he is worse than a baby AI

[@getsideways7257]

I was looking for this very comment...

[@entropy4959]

Tbh a neural network would need longer, but plays the game perfect after the first level

[@janisir4529]

Except it's Natural, and not intelligence... So N

[@Junqers]

LMAO TRUE

[@AngryPlushNest2018]

If you ever feel useless, remember that he can’t pass a tutorial.

[@thejadekatana8891]

no that joke only works when it's not obvious and we didn't know that but we obviously that he can't get through the tutorial so you said the joke wrong

[@mariluisa6837]

@@thejadekatana8891 676 people say otherwise my friend

[@frano7172]

@@thejadekatana8891 R A T I O

[@denacane2778]

@@thejadekatana8891 Idk man ._.

[@Is_mail22]

@@thejadekatana8891 wrong

[@TrafficPartyHatTest]

Me after the lobotomy

[@amorfati8341]

LMAOOOOO

[@GuidelinesViolater]

ruSSia moment

[@ggeshundra]

​@@GuidelinesViolater🫵😂

[@m.n.o.546]

@GuidelinesViolater Great adding politics here, congratulations (not).​

[@FoxheimStudios]

Imagine being a GAME JOURNALIST who doesn’t know how to fuckin’ READ in a GAME TUTORIAL

[@kissaninja9700]

You don’t need any special training or knowledge to become a game journo. Any moron can review games. The problem I see with that tutorial is that it combines 2 mechanics. Jump and dash. Simple as that tutorial may seem I can come up with a tutorial many people can't get past.

[@ImNormal0]

Lmao

[@AoiHeartStranger]

He's a writer, not a reader.

[@LRM12o8]

@@AoiHeartStranger Rarely did a comment make me laugh like this. Bravo! 😂

[@AoiHeartStranger]

@@LRM12o8 i stole this joke from somewhere.

[@THawkMedia]

His review later: " the controls are slow and klunky, can't even beat the tutorial"

[@janelleysabelcruz5358]

Takahashi even said "the game didin't say that i need to go to the block to get to the cylinder" hes such a dumbass.

[@cynical8464]

@@janelleysabelcruz5358 No he didn't. He owned how bad he was and never blamed the game. He even left that footage up in good humour. Little did he know, gamers have less humour than they have of a life..

[@viniciusgrosse1958]

@@cynical8464 yeah, sure he did😂

[@JimmyTurner]

@@cynical8464 shut the fuck up.

[@kushal_2oo4]

@@cynical8464 whats humorous about a game journalist not knowing how to play games?

[@GioGospelGamerOfficial]

“If you pass this level, your legally skilled”

[@chroma1080]

"My legally skilled what?"

[@Knaeckekarl]

@@chroma1080 wow, you came 13 mins prior to me. You have I‘m respect.

[@Catmangamer]

@@Knaeckekarl Wow you came 3 mins prior to me, I'm impressed

[@MaxerV19]

@@Catmangamer wow you came 51 second prior to me,nice

[@interceptionbug4166]

"99,9% of people can't beat this level"

[@ExtantThylacine]

It would be interesting to see how he'd fair against one of those kid's toys where you have to get the shapes through the right holes.

[@ChloekabanOfficial]

He tried to fit a pentagon through a triangular hole.

[@amewtwofan]

the square hole

[@Wreckedilious]

He'd shove it up his arse

[@timesnewlogan2032]

@@amewtwofanThat’s right! It goes in the square hole!

[@zlodevil426]

He would stare at it for 15 minutes and then ask if he’s supposed to eat the shapes

[@Mongaloose]

I don't know how many times I've read articles from any industry and thought: "Holy crap. If this is what it takes to be a professional writer, then damn near anyone is more qualified for this job than this author." Then I see something like this, where a gaming journalist fails to grasp the basic rules and instructions around a game with a simple concept. This has really solidified me viewpoint that if you're not good at anything, just write about it, and someone will pay you.

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

Thats not really fair, if you "arent good at anything" but do a good job writing about things you arent good at, that makes you by definition good at writing. Not defending this guy, but it actually takes a really talented person to write about something they went into blind. Capturing any sort of nuance without years of experience is damn near impossible

[@TheDeathby2]

Tbf, they get paid like shit and are expected to beat games in like a few days and write a review. But there's no excusing this level of incompetency displayed in this vid.

[@NomTheDom]

@@skeetsmcgrew3282 they aren't good at writing about it.

[@Korijenkins1414]

@@TheDeathby2 Getting paid to play games, the horror.

[@TheMegaPingasMobile]

Journalism and matter experts in a nutshell

[@invalid_user_handle]

I always found it strange that people who end up as _gaming journalists_ somehow don't have the critical thinking skills needed to play games, AKA most of their jobs.

[@galahad3195]

That's because they are the rejects from the pool of political journalists and not gamers.

[@JorjIto12872]

What do you need to study to be a game journalist anyways? Seems you can graduate without playing a single videogame

[@329link]

@@JorjIto12872 you need to study how best to slam your readers so they get pissed off and talk about you more. It's not about gaming or journalism, it's about cash and pandering.

[@josephb.4640]

@@329link - Wait, really? So they LITERALLY aren't even equipped to properly analyze the content they're reviewing? You're telling me that game journalism...was always a self-serving scam? Somehow, I'm both dumbfounded and unsurprised.

[@ArpeggioPegasusMusic]

@@329link you just described most journalism though.

[@djdeadbeat4380]

Even the game knows how ridiculous this is. The music loop ends right as he finally makes the easy jump like “ooh wow, good job, idiot”

[@cyrus2395]

It does! It's so thematically perfect

[@benjaminolivo3423]

Wow, perfect timing 😂

[@knuxuki1013]

LMAO

[@modestmouse6]

coincidences like this actually mindfuck me a bit. even his movement and bullets at the end line up well with the ending of the song.

[@oofgamer6418]

Well good job bozo idlot you dumbo ass he isn’t English

[@MightyManotaur22]

We've all had these moments playing a video game. But not all of us have used a moment like this to criticize a game and then get paid for it.

[@magnesjberg24]

I mightve played like this my first time picking up a controller as a baby. But 20+ years of gaming Journalism and he still plays like a literal toddler, its inexcusable.

[@morgboat744]

my first video game was Sonic 2 at the age of 3 years old, and i still don’t think i’ve ever had any moments like this

[@youngpasta5722]

@@magnesjberg2420 years we’ll spend lmao

[@bluedistortions]

Pretty sure I figured it out quicker the first time I picked up Mario, and I was a kid. This guy does not like to play games. He got a writing job involving them because he's also not a good writer.

[@chiangkaishrek5123]

Never this bad though

[@Sans_The_Skeleton]

one must imagine game journalist happy

[@Jessster44]

Fun Fact : For journalists, this is considered a Speedrun.

[@bootscats2928]

nobody has beat his record yet

[@The_Catalin]

@@bootscats2928 That's because he's still setting it

[@iaretheaquaman]

@@The_Catalin lol

[@oneandonlysd5061]

@@The_Catalin some say to this day he is still playing the tutorial

[@hza-n6686]

He really knows how to save frames

[@LordParticle]

Normally I wouldn't judge someone's overall intelligence just based on playing video games, but because this is someone that literally makes a living doing this, I can't help but do so

[@herscher1297]

Even my mother would be better at this

[@lovelyyolk9066]

Thing is, Dean doesn't specialise in actually playong games more than the tech and business side of things, he just gets invited sometimes to play some games and he has to constantly say that he sucks at games. He is a very casual gamer, he is not good, and this time he sucked a lot more than usual. There is other gameplay videos of him where, while he still sucks, he is competent. Like I say, he is not really payed to play videogames but to report on the other side of gaming

[@silasnebulous4533]

@@lovelyyolk9066 playing games for years should make you competent in platformers though.

[@eepiest]

my girlfriend brother is like 6 and he did it first try 😭 this shit is ridiculous

[@SkullChao]

@@lovelyyolk9066 I'm tryna chill and watch funny videos not review essays *_Goddamn!_*

[@vladskiobi]

This video actually makes me feel better about myself. I've always sucked at most games I play, but watching this makes me realise, there's always someone much worse than you.

[@magnesjberg24]

Theres always someone out there having it worse.

[@trevorminton6084]

Just remember that no matter what you do, there's an Asian guy that can do it better and a journalist that will be much worse

[@vell3445]

The fact that he is struggled and don't know what to do but the character in the game is smiling make this super funny

[@rickparsent9632]

This kzbin.info/www/bejne/m3WYq2iQoMiWZtU

[@cricky8799]

His name is Cuphead

[@NikodAnimations]

​@cricky8799 To clarify: the character

[@ericwijaya2119]

Some of you may not know this, but this man is actually an inspirational figure for depressed people, considering how despite them thinking of themselves as a bunch of failures, they can pull up this video and realise that there are way bigger disappointments roaming around in the sea that is life

[@ZphyZphyer]

that's smart

[@yokomidrive.6563]

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie. Sick burn.

[@liviekumori]

Toasted

[@luckydice3048]

Roasted

[@aeolian951]

I was diagnosed with a heavy form of depression about a month ago and I can confirm that that is unironically true, lol.

[@dingusmann3003]

How can a man who plays games for a paycheck not do a tutorial

[@shom924]

creative name imagine him playing sekiro

[@D_YellowMadness]

And it's one of the easiest tutorials ever. I was a little surprised that it was so simple & clear when I first played it because games focused on being hard often have unclear tutorials.

[@dingusmann3003]

@Shom ive never heard of Sekrio, is it any good?

[@jacobscott7261]

@@dingusmann3003 yeah it’s pretty fun

[@dingusmann3003]

@@jacobscott7261 ill have to check it out then

[@DizzyHotSauce]

"Maybe if I jump against this wall for the 52nd time, something will happen?" -Journalist, probably

[@RadiantSharaShaymin]

"Nah, 52 wasnt enough. Maybe one more is enough? 54 jumps?" -Journalist 3 hours later, probably

[@ksksksjs]

Definition of Insanity

[@MemExp2010]

Alt title: Can an AI learn to play Cuphead?

[@chrisnichols9014]

Yes, and it can play it better than Dean.

[@MemExp2010]

@@chrisnichols9014 LMAO

[@L337N1NJ4L1NK]

I think the best part about this is that most people, after experimenting with the controls and discovering the air dash, would have figured out the "jump from a high point and dash for lateral movement" within seconds. And that would be without the blatant instructions written on the walls here. I know this because I've seen a toddler who can't read figure this shit out.

[@drakematsen4978]

Unless you're referring to the comparison someone did between this gameplay and his toddler, you should look that up.

[@y2k739]

@@drakematsen4978 kzbin.info/www/bejne/nnSXd2mZqaqCask

[@Decidueye9147]

@@drakematsen4978 it's up on youtube?

[@Splashbackl]

@@Decidueye9147 it is

[@user-et7me7fc4c]

@@Splashbackl can you send the link?

[@Selrisitai]

I'm struggling to believe this is real. The "mistakes" he makes don't even make sense half the time. It's like watching someone who is totally normal, but like, drunk or something.

[@Selrisitai]

@Ghost I've seen people try to use fine motor skills like "walking" while drunk and it's kind of similar to this, really.

[@theRPGmaster]

@@Selrisitai I recently played cuphead drunk, wasn't that bad, made almost the same progress as usual

[@Selrisitai]

@@theRPGmaster Did you play it for the first time? And how drunk were you?

[@Somespideronline]

@@theRPGmaster how drunk where you tho?

[@theRPGmaster]

@@Selrisitai Not for the first time, but after a 1y break. It was about 6-7 beers in (alc.5%)

[@sivanmisgav9468]

I like how he keeps going back to the "JUMP" block, as if to prove something to himself and touch upon that memory of victory still lingering in his mouth. A comfort zone, a time where eveything was simple and straightforward...

[@noname-dp3gn]

The worst part is that it isn't just takahashi. He is just the tip of the iceberg of journalists who shape the video game industry for us (usually for the worse) by creating good or bad optics for newly released games (which affects sales) but are literally too mentally inept to actually play the same video games.

[@BruhMoment-1267]

It amazes me that he genuinely isn't trolling. Even when he finally progresses to standing on the block, he couldn't pass. Then when he does I get hope, until we see him fail and fail on even easier sections. This truly is painful.

[@Chloedasher]

He also trashed on mass effect because he didn't know you could level up and thought the game was almost impossible

[@CheesenMouse]

@@Chloedasher and doom eternal

[@BruhMoment-1267]

@@Chloedasher Just when I thought it couldn't get worse

[@ivaerz4977]

I wonder what happens if he plays games like Demon souls

[@theslickimpala5308]

The person has 4 hp on the bottom left, if it were someones first time they would have 3 :(

[@OneWingedNatu64]

You know... there are times where I think I'm not very good at video games ...But gaming journalists make me think that maybe I'm not too bad after all lmao

[@appleslofistation435]

lmaoooo same

[@ULTRAMUERTE_ULTRAKILLJOJO]

I think is fake, because 4 hp, but if this is real i would be proud that i'm not that bad at games lmao

[@bybygftt3091]

It's the cuphead demo,its normal that he has 4 hp. It's not a normal copy of the game.

[@blacky_Ninja]

@@ULTRAMUERTE_ULTRAKILLJOJO Sadly it‘s not fake.

[@lordlopikong6940]

@@ULTRAMUERTE_ULTRAKILLJOJO if it was fake then the word would be more peaceful

[@kirbymaster5]

If you're ever playing a game and it has a mode dedicated to just "experiencing the story", this is why.

[@Offbrand._.goat._.cheese]

This right here is why we need actual gamers who can do journalism, not journalists who can attempt to play games they can’t comprehend

[@Emper0rH0rde]

Journalists have become a class of people. It's more than just an occupation now; it's a *class.* And they get paid millions of dollars a year to put their brains to the same amount of use as this idiot.

[@prot07ype87]

Niche Gamer and Techraptor.

[@terencecobain]

It's insane how everytime this guy learns a new move, he forgets the last one. It's like he has the memory of a goldfish or something.

[@pumkin610]

I don't think they forgot they just don't realize they need to apply those moves together

[@Tuberex]

@@pumkin610 I think he actually forgot

[@highjumpstudios2384]

He's probably assuming that he won't need to use his accrued knowledge for the rest of the tutorial

[@NibNa5ty]

He's just button mashing

[@masterthieveracoon5056]

I'd say its more like pokemon

[@shizune_]

"When you make something idiot-proof, God will make a better idiot." - A comment on a different video that I saw a while ago.

[@FlashDAH]

If you can't figure out the tutorial, the game is obviously beyond you.

[@_festival]

😂😂

[@TinyDeskEngineer]

No matter how much you dumb it down, there will always be someone too dumb to understand it.

[@SineN0mine3]

"You don't have to include a source for your quotes when you don't remember where they came from" -Abe Lincoln

[@sammcgrail3949]

I came to say this comment is golden Bc you included that you found it somewhere else (standup no to take others credit) …. Then this mf whipps the Abe linkin quote out of no where arguably topping to original comment but overall making the chain perfect.

[@wadedevinney9681]

Journalist here. Most gaming journalists I know (admittedly I don’t know too many) are failed sports journalists

[@arghpee]

Most gaming journalists hate gaming and just want to get experience to be a real journalist

[@Sephy_ButOnALaptop]

This man has 2 functioning brain cells and one of them is fighting the other.

[@n7x]

Both of his brain cells are fighting for third place

[@rigulur]

Throw this guy against DSP in Dark Souls 1v1, no backseaters. A battle for the ages.

[@damzepher7226]

Just throw him to minecraft in peaceful mode in a mini hole spawn

[@realDannyBoi111]

Accurate since Cuphead is the run and gun's of dark souls

[@jaba4720]

Just put him against gundyr, he still won’t win

[@rnb9904]

He couldn’t beat pinwheel

[@valravnsshadow9422]

@@jaba4720 he couldn't hardly beat the tutorial, he wouldn't be able to beat any DS boss.

[@davidjr3658]

You know this wouldn’t be so humiliating if it was the AI learning how to play. They probably would’ve done better than this game journalist anyways.

[@yaelz6043]

Yes well the AI has that I in its definition, the journo only has the A.

[@wio1]

@@yaelz6043 No, it's still AI, but in this case, it means Artificial Idiot

[@gawagames7877]

@@wio1 HAHAHA.

[@yaelz6043]

@@wio1 I stand corrected.

[@NikodAnimations]

​@@wio1 Artificial Iridium

[@reedparker5993]

My favorite part is halfway through when they discover the Y button

[@hobx6063]

I think I found the guy behind all the mobile game ads

[@kindwolf7700]

I want to point out that there's footage of literal children beating the tutorial faster than this dude. The game is like : "Press Y to dash!" And this dude's just like : "What's dashing do?"

[@pacifistichuman82649]

bro i literally saw the Y button to dash and i pressed it and then did the jump by accident because i was moving. it’s nearly possible to do the jump WITHOUT dashing, too

[@NotSomeJustinWithoutAMoustache]

There's a video of a pigeon completing a task faster than this guy finished this tutorial lmao

[@Duckbusinessman]

If I can beat halo reach on heroic at 6 he can beat a tutorial at 30

[@gavinjenkins899]

He pressed Y to dash many times right away. He had no problem figuring that part out, it was like 3 seconds in. Reading the words that are there was not the issue.

[@Duckbusinessman]

@@gavinjenkins899 then explain literally the entire minute of him just standing in the corner pressing dash and jumping? He didn’t even stand on the block

[@exiledd]

i love how he just occasionally stops moving entirely, has a few seconds of extreme brain activity to try and figure out how to tackle this extremely complicated problem - just to then fucking fail again

[@Gabgabiga]

I think that he just cannot coordinate his fingers to do what he wants cuz he’s not used to this game. Same happens to me when I can’t pull off a combo in a fighting game so I stop for a sec and try again.

[@unrelentingpest]

@@Gabgabiga He wasn't even jumping or dashing from the right location for the majority of it

[@Gabgabiga]

@@unrelentingpest 🤓

[@Kuhtlass]

@@Gabgabiga I can see learning a moveset in a fighting game because you don't know it prior, but these skills he's missing are core from any platformer. I believe it to be that he doesn't know the controller by second nature, he's most likely looking at the buttons while he plays.

[@Gabgabiga]

@@Kuhtlass Okay. Sorry for bad English😔

[@HowToChangeName]

At last we found who played all those mobile game ads

[@ASingleSpaghetti]

The wacky music fading out JUST as he finally figures it out was extremely well-timed

[@pawbgles]

This is like being a food critic who keeps stabbing his eyeballs with the fork

[@SylviaRustyFae]

Look, youre the one who confused the absentminded oblivious food critic by feedin them fish eye soup; ofc theyll mix up what eyeballs theyre sposed to eat

[@corndog9482]

It's like a being a food critic who keeps missing his mouth and gets food all over his lap.

[@phantomwarrior8686]

That was fucking creepy and unnecessary but ok

[@phantomwarrior8686]

@@pawbgles I'm very right and you were being weird

[@SylviaRustyFae]

@@phantomwarrior8686 As someone who lives weird, OPs comment was not creepy, weird, or unnecessary. It was an apt metaphor.

[@schwarzerritter5724]

A journalist does not have to be perfect at games for his opinion to matter; everyone dies to the first goomba sooner or later. But this is like getting a game over to it.

[@KhryausOHowl]

Nah this is more like the equivalent of getting a game over in a game that doesn't even have a game over

[@rhysjonsmusic]

we found the game journo

[@Heavy_Orbital]

@@rhysjonsmusic read the comment again.

[@DylP1ccle]

@@KhryausOHowl you sure? It looks more like losing to the loading screen to me

[@pacifistichuman82649]

@@KhryausOHowl cuphead

[@ImmaLittlePip]

This is why very easy mode is called games journalism mode

[@Mizufluffy]

I get that tutorials in games can sometimes be a challenge if the tutorial isn't clear about what the player needs to do or if it requires very tight timing with actions but this isn't one of those cases in my opinion. The game provides simple problems for the player and includes not only what buttons needs to be pressed but also provides a short explanation of the action. I get that sometimes getting action correctly can take a few tries. Perhaps the character fell faster than expected and you were late to dash or the game reacted to the button press with a delay. These are things we may need to give a few tries so we can adjust our timing to what the game expects from us. Also, here the game is teaching the player one step at a time. It's not like a 3D combat tutorial with 10+ actions to figure out while trying to ignore how the Y-axis camera isn't what you prefer and you have no access to the menu during the tutorial to change it.

[@OmniversalInsect]

If he found cuphead's tutorial hard the guy must've had a mental breakdown in-game.

[@neyte7313]

I swear this is like watching an AI learn. Man, you've already tried jumping from the ground eight times, maybe it's time to jump from the block?

[@MarcoAdventures]

No, I am *ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT* that an AI can do better than this

[@TheKorbi]

I think, when you're not that familiar with how video games in general work, you might intuitively think that the jumps may vary in hight, and that the vertical distance between the left block and the pillar cancels out the hight advantage it would give you.

[@JayElDragon]

It’s not that he can’t get past the tutorial part of the game, but the instructions are RIGHT THERE FOR YOU TO READ yet this man STILL has no idea how to beat it Imagine a journalist who writes articles for a living be so stupid enough to not READ what’s on a video game screen

[@nsane7208]

OMFG like dude it's right above you just do what it says lol

[@SHAD0WKNITE]

I just assumed he couldn't read English

[@DriedJizzSock]

@@SHAD0WKNITE Even so, there are visible arrows and buttons on the screen. If I saw an arrow point at a dot in the screen and I saw **bold text** under a picture of the “A” button, regardless of language, the game is telling me to press A when I get to that point.

[@SHAD0WKNITE]

@@DriedJizzSock true

[@JayElDragon]

@@SHAD0WKNITE reminds me of that one guy who criticized Metroid Dread cause he said the game didn’t tell him where to go, where the room he was stuck him had some enemies in another level, I think it’s gamer instinct to just shoot everywhere when we have no idea what to do These types of people are the ones shit talking cause they suck at video games

[@lucifer3100]

i want this guy to beat dark souls

[@okotan]

It shouldn't be humanly possible to mess up this bad

[@BrendanJSmith]

It’s like he’s playing blindfolded...

[@personperson7316]

And his little brother is playing

[@superknuckles9567]

And his controller is unplugged

[@pedzad9528]

You can blindfolded defeat every boss in the first isle

[@ratbastard4399]

And he's playing with a USB steering wheel

[@IcyDiamond]

The game was so easy he fell asleep while playing it

[@dr.k8610]

Takahashi- Th man who couldn’t beat this tutorial The man who didn’t know you could level up in Mass Effect The man who spent an hour jumping into a wall and walking into lava in doom eternal because he couldn’t figure out where to go He”s done it all

[@Br08281997]

😂😂 this man's track record ...is just wow

[@iraqifoodcart8447]

How the hell does he still find work? Is the entire industry full of idiots like him?

[@Fuck_handles]

Honestly, if he comes out saying he was trolling around some years later, I wouldn't be suprised because how can one be so stupid

[@axiezimmah]

If you want to know if the game is too hard for your grandma or dog or your grandma's dog, read the Takahashi review.

[@harfiluthfan2050]

That guy bring a shame to japanese people.

[@cuckoshroom5394]

I feel like im watching a struggling animal

[@Fordrake_Fangirl]

This felt so much longer than 2 minutes 20 seconds

[@thecrappyportalmaster2963]

Whenever I feel stupid about dying 100+ times in this game, I watch this and I feel better

[@neodintchly]

I didnt finish the second isle yet and I have 1100+ deaths

[@fchef8370]

@@neodintchly My death counter hasn’t changed because when I get hit I restart. Fuck S Ranks

[@REDFRLegend]

King Dice is the reason why I can't continue. I don't know why I struggle with him, but he's currently been undefeated for nearly three years now

[@hhhhhh-vi6sq]

@@REDFRLegend king dice is easy you can control your roll with decent enough timing and always land on the hp squares and safe squares

[@REDFRLegend]

@@hhhhhh-vi6sq The hard part is getting to him. Either I die in a stupid way, my laptop starts lagging or I have to fight the monkey and I can't beat the monkey!

[@alexanderchippel]

The real tragedy is that we don't have a voice recording. Like take Arin from Game Grumps. He's mad at video games, isn't good at thinking critically, and gets very emotional very quickly. And we know this because he records what he's saying, and he says what he's thinking. What this guy was thinking will forever be a mystery. Did he know what he was supposed to do what is just really bad at it ? Was he completely oblivious to the obvious solution and just a very confused. Did he think that he just miss something? Do he think that if he did what the things were in in the background said if the pillar would just disappear? Was he angry? Did being angry get him in a cycle of failure? Was he not even paying attention? Was he on his phone half playing the game not taking his job seriously? Or did he fail a couple times, think it would be really funny if he purposely kept messing up? did he purposely mess up because he knew that it would frustrate people and get people talking about the article? There's so much information we simply aren't going to get. The inner machinations of this individual's mind will forever be an enigma, an unsolvable mystery.

[@329link]

There's a bit you can extrapolate from his actions. My guess is he thought you could double jump for some reason, judging by his constant parry attempts. The guy also has a history of being pretty stubborn and unwilling to adapt, so if he thinks something should work, he'll try again and again constantly until his patience wears thin, hence why he never bothered to read the instructions. His incompetence has also been well documented, so this definitely isn't an intentional goof.

[@josephb.4640]

@@329link - Being that stubborn is just terrible for getting through life in general. Life demands you make changes and adapt the to the environment in order to succeed. That's how humanity has survived as long as it has.

[@RushWheeler]

That's because he wasn't thinking. There was not a single fucking atom in his brain that was functioning properly.

[@sporovid5856]

@@329link this guy’s brain is like a malfunctioning computer. “PREFORM DOUBLE JUMP” “ERROR CANNOT DOUBLE JUMP” “PROCESSING…” “PREFORM DOUBLE JUMP” “ERROR CANNOT DOUBLE JUMP” And so on…

[@benjaminmacdavid9359]

Totally agree, but still had an aneurysm reading that

[@LGMLGK3G]

This guy has the critical thinking skills of a wasp

[@am_sousa2246]

Games need to have a game journalist difficulty option

[@Hexra_]

This actually hurt me. Not because the simplest thing they can do is read the text behind the screen, but the fact that the devs tried so hard to make it beginner friendly, just to have someone like this fail. For someone who's job is to write up a story, they sure as hell don't know how to read.

[@pumkin610]

The problem solving clearly isn't there either 😬

[@Nuthing]

Some people are just born slow…

[@Keyfur91]

Do you think when they fought their first boss they rage quitted as soon as they took a hit ten seconds into the fight?

[@sam8404]

@@Keyfur91 no because they couldn't figure out how to reach the Quit option in the menu.

[@raulstopspam1791]

@@sam8404 They probably dont even know where the boss is on the map.

[@bappochan6615]

The only positive thing I can say about letting people who don’t know shit about video games test this shit for review is that you can understand what a brand new person in gaming is going to experience, that being said letting them review games without disclosing they’re bad at games or new to them is such a horrible thing to do because it just hurts the games rating

[@lovelyyolk9066]

Thing is, he did, he said many times in his report that he sucked at cuphead and that thefootage was shameful

[@jam-no-jelly]

@@lovelyyolk9066 why are you in everyone's replies defending him XD you must be the journalist

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

@@lovelyyolk9066 it's one thing to suck at cuphead, and something else entirely to not comprehend the most basic of videogame language. Because that's what's happening here. He's unable to comprehend videogame language. The game is communicating to you what it wants from you with platforms and arrows and directions. Anyone that has ever played a game before will have at least a vague experience with this. This guy seems to have 0 of that.

[@anargument1192]

@@lovelyyolk9066 he doesn't suck at Cuphead he seam to not have any game experience at all

[@followertheleader]

This is what happens when companies hire based on a college degree than on experience. DSP is more reliable than most games journalists and that's sad. No wonder independent reviewers are thriving.

[@sel9981]

One must imagine Dean Takahashi happy. Il Faut Imaginer Dean Takeahashi Heureux.

[@Nightcaat]

This is still one of the funniest gaming videos

[@kwedl]

I love how at 0:56 after the air dash you can hear the gears in his head starting to turn.

[@holliswilliams8426]

Yeah, he is one of these people who are so slow you can actually hear the gears turning in their head as they make their next thought.

[@wolfsell6684]

Imagine getting paid to play games and being that bad at them lol

[@johjoh9270]

​@@wolfsell6684 I don't really think they're bad, just do it on purpose, this brings more views than a normal review / article, especially when you pair it with a hot topic (for the audience of these games) such as needing difficulty sliders, pretty much mass baiting elitists and other angry players into reading it just to bash it and thus increase their numbers, people making fun of them is just what they want

[@wolfsell6684]

@@johjoh9270you’re probably right but I still don’t like ign because of they’re bias towards Sony

[@Stiggandr1]

The moment before a brilliant revelation.

[@pearofclubs6280]

Given that this isn't even the first enemy and the game outright tells you what to do, this is like being stuck on the title screen of Super Mario Bros, staring at the words "Push Start" for several minutes and not knowing what to do.

[@reborno-o4498]

There are worst examples, like being told to press ''any'' button to continue and the ''genius'' decides to press the power button and wonder why it didn't work.

[@shaneharding7399]

@@reborno-o4498 LOL SO TRUE

[@4DDOSED]

@@reborno-o4498 I know that someone, somewhere has had this exact thing happen to them.

[@telli5868]

@@reborno-o4498 but at least they do it for the memes most of the time

[@twentyzerosix3548]

This dude literally plays like an AI in the opening stages

[@squeet0]

This hurt my brain

[@toffeeflake]

Can this guy read

[@sandywolfr26]

Was wondering the same thing. Like maybe he can’t read English. So all he sees is the buttons.

[@FTW1230]

@@sandywolfr26 his review was written in english so he can certainly read.

[@sandywolfr26]

Green Bandit then there really is no excuse for this sad display.

[@stepstep838]

Green Bandit probably translated with google translater

[@thelradame5508]

No

[@padgodlol6063]

Being a full percenter and speedrunner of Cuphead, this not just shocked me but made me feel pain the more I watched.

[@JetFalcon710]

I don't even play Cuphead and this made me feel physical pain. These pillocks shouldn't be allowed near any platformers, much less any of my favorite games, like Rain World. If a game journalist is talking about Rain World, no he isn't

[@obeeked1385]

@@JetFalcon710 based rain world enjoyer

[@JetFalcon710]

@@obeeked1385 Yeah, it's pretty fun after you've accepted that death is inevitable

[@Hulijingjinx]

Post your cuphead speedrun pls

[@padgodlol6063]

@@Hulijingjinx I don't have i on computer, I would speedrun on switch so sadly I can't. sorry

[@Stiggandr1]

Games journalists never had their asses kicked by brutally hard early gen console games and it shows.

[@daniel.holbrook]

the ragtime piano is the best, it's like mocking their stupidity

[@FizzleFX]

Remember people: YOU have to go to real work for 8-10 hours. Carry that stuff. Type that math. Serve those customers. While this sad pile of duckey gets paid for *failing at a tutorial a five year old could manage* to THEN give his "professional opinion on it" ... .............. sigh.................

[@jestfullgremblim8002]

Lol

[@allenharper2928]

Too right, mate. (Typed at a low paying job I dislike, but keep because it's near my elderly mother.)

[@chocoateclake501]

god damn man i feel that shit

[@KhoaLe-uc2ny]

I suggest we burn gaming journalism to the ground

[@astarteswillum5259]

I doubt it pays well.

[@MrSpy13011]

Me: Man the first boss is hard! This guy: HoLd My BeAr

[@SJC82]

hold my bear

[@garygotgameclips]

@@SJC82 I'll hold it alright

[@StainedStarchild]

A whole ass bear

[@lilfoot4837]

Scold my beer

[@bruceflummer6189]

I would say to any one that says that meme is an idiot

[@Hal34329]

It's like the music is making fun of him lol

[@neroidius6915]

Five seconds in and I suddenly understand how every college math tutor feels

[@kirbysuperstar5494]

This is like one of the overly long jokes in family guy. The one's that start out funny, but as they go on get kinda annoying, then become funny again!

[@tylerlackey1175]

"This is like that time I tried playing cuphead!"

[@huhreally5771]

“Hey Lois, remember that time I went to the white room with that ‘Cup Head’ guy?”

[@mechadeka]

"then become funny again!" Family Guy??

[@hitrapperandartistdababy]

Tried giving this part to a friend who very rarely play games and they managed it on second attempt. This dude is a professional videogame reviewer 🤣

[@thaias9654]

"professional"

[@metal9076]

If they can't even beat a simple 2 button press jump for more than 20 seconds I don't think they can review the game cuz fucking their so fucking shit at the game, a toddler can do better than this shitty reviewers. Really makes my blood boil considering the fact that reviews like this can't even make past the tutorial only to review it saying it's "hard",fucking GET GOOD then, you are a GAME JOURNALIST your job is to be good at games before you criticize it!

[@MarcoAdventures]

And then after that, he gives his "professional" opinion

[@ghosthugcentral3820]

When Im feeling down I come back to this video. To remind myself, I cant ever possibly be this bad.

[@tab7302]

Whenever I feel like I’m bad at games I always come here to feel better about myself, and it always works.

[@JustAnArrogantAlien]

We joke about how game journalists want the games to hold their hands the whole way through, but clearly that’s not enough. The Cuphead tutorial literally spells out everything it wants from you. These idiots just want the game to play itself.

[@minersheep8285]

They should convert to reviewing movies instead

[@kris_something]

@@minersheep8285 Nah, his taste in movies is probably shit 💀

[@ninjafrog6966]

@@minersheep8285 “this movie was too complicated for me. Couldn’t get past the opening sequence”

[@muddashucka9743]

Sonic forces game of the year

[@dartbaguette2312]

It's not even being bad at gaming at this point. They're just dense.

[@kamimatsuyama]

When the journalists play so much FPS games they forget how to play platformers:

[@gagejohnathan9641]

This same man played doom eternal, He barely got to the shooting, He still has trouble with platforming.

[@janely_euphoria]

Even ppl who play FPS games know how to do that 😂

[@ragimm.1143]

Exactly what I was going to say

[@evangoodman9658]

You should see the same guy's doom eternal game play.

[@ninjafrog6966]

This same journalist also uploaded gameplay of doom eternal and it was the most painful thing I’ve ever sat through

[@bruhchannel1216]

bro would miss with the chaser

[@PereVS23]

Dude never learned to read arrows

[@luciuscapricious683]

When you can't beat the tutorial before the background music loops, you know it's basically already over.

[@indranilroy4822]

As a kid when I first started playing platformer games like mega man z I always had a lingering doubt in the back of my mind regarding how far I'd be able to with a jump followed by an air dash/series of wall jumps or if I'd be able to make it to a certain platform without falling to my death so I tended to miss out on certain items and consulted guides to be extra sure it was safe to jump This on the other hand is ...something else entirely

[@FJ_Beaujangles]

Ok but the MMZ games slapped and the dash, dash jump, wall jumps, dash wall jumps all felt so fucking good tho. Smoothest GBA controls of all time.

[@indranilroy4822]

@@FJ_Beaujangles I agree, it's just that this was my general situation for any platformer game with dash and jump mechanics on any console where my main worry was just timing the inputs right and now looking back this was actually more of a problem with me for the mega man x and metroid (for shinespark parts) games and it didn't help either that I only played them on phone emulators so adjusting to the controls took time

[@FJ_Beaujangles]

@@indranilroy4822 Understandable. If you still emulate on your phone some people don't know you can pair an xbox one and I think even switch pro controller with Bluetooth. If you have one lying around it helps a lot

[@Niko-oe9qo]

@@indranilroy4822 ps4 controllers can also bluetooth to phones

[@VelvetAura]

I mean, that's completely fair. I didn't really have access to the internet back when I first played MMZ3 (my first Zero game) and that GBA screen is really small. Some of the jumps you're expected to make with that screen space are a bit much

[@shawnscouten5184]

Oh, jeez how the hell did this guy get hired? I assumed being a professional reviewer would require at least a above 5 year old level of knowing in the subject they are reviewing.

[@Goncalo.C]

There is a lore behind this jornalist

[@EllumenaticYT]

bro this looks like an ai learning the game

[@SquallyCoin5664]

I wanna hear his review, or at least what he said about it. I bet it sounded something like “Although they did promise this game would be really hard, I wasn’t expecting how far they’d go with this. For a tutorial, they made it tough as nails to pass. I bet it was harder than the hardest dark souls dark souls boss. A tutorial is meant to get you into game but for Cuphead, not even the smartest person could get past this. I had to keep trying and trying and trying to get it right until I got past it. The only reason I got past because I just was really lucky. So far, Cuphead is a 1 out of 10, as in they don’t have good difficulty balance, and didn’t care about fairness and only cared about if the game was impossible.”

[@amberatilano6718]

That sounds like a ign review

[@uldrs]

He actually said that he enjoyed his time with it, and admitted that this gameplay of him failing the tutorial is quite shameful.

[@Fi___]

His actual review was like "I don't play games very often, but the company I work for wants me to publish gameplay of Cuphead because a lot of people are excited for the game, so here are my embarrassing 10 minutes of Cuphead.

[@phantom8926]

@@Fi___ an actual respectable journalist being honest? Where did more like him go?

[@sayno2lolzisback]

The state of videogame journalism.

[@McSquiddington]

I know a few gaming journos around Quebec City and Montreal. The main issue the profession has is that you don't really start as a gamer; you start your journalism career as a writer. Then you land yourself a few reporting gigs, someone from the Tech section notices you sophomorically futzing around with a handheld, and figures "'Hey, that guy looks like a gamer! I'll ask him about writing a games review column every X days!" So you end up with a guy who has bigger headlines to cover (mergers and acquisitions, prototypes, breakthroughs in consumer tech, etc) who *maybe* has a few hours a month to begrudgingly put on a game he might not even be interested in. This is the end result. Dean Takahashi cannot pass Cuphead's tutorial level because he has no professional incentive to do so. He doesn't need to be informative; he just needs to produce a take that can be integrated in his site's publishing queue on time. He doesn't need to be good at the game - and doesn't even need to *care*. Of course, the opposite end is GameSpot, where you sort of get the sense that there's some work that's been actually done, but that it's all swallowed by the need to give the tentpole releases the exact kinds of big scores that'll keep the site afloat in sponsorships. In-between, you've got a lot of KZbinrs and smaller vloggers - and this is where I'd say you find honest, workable and valuable games criticism.

[@stuffwithsoph8264]

Around Quebec AND Montreal? I'm hoping you mean Quebec City cuz bruh Montreal is in Quebec 💀

[@McSquiddington]

@@stuffwithsoph8264 Yes, I did mean Quebec City. I apologize if it wasn't clear enough, I'm an ESL speaker and had a brain fart. Just called Quebec City "Quebec" seeing as that's what we do in French.

[@stuffwithsoph8264]

@@McSquiddington Had no clue Quebecois only say Quebec when referencing the city, neat.

[@McSquiddington]

@@stuffwithsoph8264 The more you know, right?

[@chozo1176]

Holy shit, precisely this. Don’t get me wrong, the gameplay here can still be questionable, but i think so many people who grew up playing games massively overestimate just how much subconscious habits and lessons get engrained into by playing games as a kid. Recently tried to get some friends who really never play video games at all into some that I thought they’d enjoy, and whilst I made a conscious effort to be as explanatory as possible, often the parts that confused them most, or had them stumble the most, were aspects I hadn’t even thought about. Things like combining actions like moving and jumping, or even where certain settings where in menus. They aren’t stupid, they just haven’t had these experiences drilled into them at a young age, and I think a lot of people in these comments completely forget that.

[@axllaw427]

Imagine if this "journalist" play Pizza Tower

[@KawRejsGoms]

Looks like an AI trying to beat the level, but a different AI, because this one doesn’t learn

[@DoctorPig]

This ain't an AI, this is just an A

[@chiachimariachi4682]

- This dude dashed his head into the wall MULTIPLE times assuming that it would eventually work - If he had used more than 2 of his braincells he could get over the wall in three seconds - There is a goddamn arrow pointing to where you should dash to get to the platform - This dude has to be on all the drugs at once to not put the pieces together - I’ve failed this jump before. Just once tho shhhh - The music stopped comedically at the same time he got over the wall - I still think about this clip every time I think I’m bad at video games. It’s been four years - I’m surprised he finished the parry section in a shorter amount of time - I fear for the day he escapes the tutorial only to die at the first boss

[@MarcoAdventures]

My grandfather who lives in the province, who's only used a fliphone and a TV, after a simple explanation of the controls beat not only the tutorial but AN ACTUAL BOSS

[@user-jw2mu6vb3l]

U need to wise up

[@AX11211]

this is the same man who jumped around in circles in Doom Eternal and didnt know you could level up in Mass Effect 💀 I am flabbergasted as to how this man still has his job after 21 YEARS

[@MarcoAdventures]

I'm surprised HES IN HIS FUCKING 30s

[@3agle280]

@@MarcoAdventures he's been a gaming journalist since his MID TEENS?

[@peggedyourdad9560]

@@MarcoAdventures Wait, this man isn’t a boomer? I would expect this level of ineptitude from a much older person, not from what is supposed to be a fairly young millennial.

[@mnArqal93]

@@peggedyourdad9560 There's these old ladies on the internet streaming themselves playing games like Skyrim. Age has nothing to do with it. This just really seems like someone who has zero interest in games and refuses to research their job but will still do the work.

[@peggedyourdad9560]

@@mnArqal93 I know, I just meant that it's more common and acceptable for older individuals to have a tough time getting the hang of video games. Not, that it would be impossible for an old person to play them.

[@z33iihh]

By every second i watched this video, it felt as if my face was slowly painting itself with clown makeup.

[@CyphersBasement]

This will be a timeless reminder that I'll NEVER stop laughing about.