Eight Signs of a Good Counselor / Therapist

This video attempts to answer the question? What are these signs of a good counselor? When I use the term counselor, I'm really referring to anyone who uses psychotherapy, so professional counselors, social workers, psychologists and other people who use psychotherapy. I'm going to list eight signs of a good counselor and these signs of course don't guarantee that somebody's a good counselor, rather they're just indications that I've seen throughout my career that tend to point to an effective mental health clinician.
1. Being willing to challenge a client in a helpful manner
2. Returning to the original topic in counseling and a session
3. Being realistic
4. Intellectual curiosity
5. Reading the research
6. Knowing when to stop talking
7. Promoting independence
8. Pointing out something a client is trying to express

[@vickicrouch8347]

The best mental health clinician I've been fortunate to work with (for depression and suicidal ideation) was a psychiatrist, who was extremely adept at "reading between the lines" and helping me to clarify feelings and thoughts I wasn't very good at expressing or processing. She had all eight of these attributes, and more. When she moved from the US to Costa Rica with her husband, three years into therapy, I was devastated. But after she left, I realized that she had taught me so much, and that I could function pretty well, using the therapeutic gifts she had given me. She was the greatest blessing and worth her weight in gold!

[@luigiprovencher8888]

So she abandoned you and or her patients?

[@ExaminerCross]

Knowing when to stop talking is huge. I once went to a counselor who wanted to share *her* life story! That was her stated reason for becoming a counselor! I was happy to hear her particular story if it applied to me, but I couldn't believe she stated it as the reason for her to become a counselor. It was so upside down.

[@heleneroberge5167]

Understand and feeling the same way, my TS (male) and I just listen otherwise when I want to talk is reaction is that I'm not ok...etc...

[@luigiprovencher8888]

Sounds like she was just trying to make you comfortable but definitely crossed a line and shared too much information.

[@justinedse3314]

I couldn't imagine this! It is expensive for a person to pay for a session! That is their time!!

[@seanleblanc8784]

I once had a psychologist who said he became a psychologist so that he could be the center of attention. 🙄

[@flawerflower1793]

​@@justinedse3314 true, but also it's important to mention that a single session is usually nowhere close to solving the problem.

[@christinas.3461]

My old therapist used to tell me that I taught her more than she taught me. While this was sort of flattering, i found it to be unprofessional & dismissive of my struggles. Because of my intelligence level, according to her, I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. She would also get offended when I would challenge her belief systems (bluntly but politely). I never felt like I accomplished anything after sessions. I was dismissed when I brought up that I suspected I have Aspergers, and she thought I was mentally insane when I told her about my synesthesia, which is a neurological condition one is born with, not a mental illness. Very frustrating. Maybe with these tips I will be able to find a therapist I resonate with. I have had 4 different ones and none of them were productive for me. I like your presentation style.

[@gillbeatsisback01]

Christina M try older ones theyre more experienced laid back and can calibrate and morph better to suit you

[@nataliejansen2371]

Oyy this resonates too much. I’ve had a couple therapists (short lived), who would tell me how smart and what a capacity for deep thinking I had or whatever... and I was just like, cool, well if I’m so damn smart then why am I so sad, can we get to that now please? Never got anything out of therapy. Tried again recently for the first time in like, ten years, because I get some depression surrounding physical illness issues, and also how hard it’s been to get a diagnosis, therefore proper treatment, despite absolutely knowing what I have- there are just no specialists within several states distance apparently. So she hears this and immediately is like, “That must be so hard, not knowing what’s wrong must be so confusing, of course your father would have a hard time understanding your pain” ... sorry what? My father? Did you hear anything about the thousand lab tests and referrals lady? THANKS FOR THE MINIMIZATION. Sorry, venting, just made the call to stop seeing her yesterday. That’s why I’m here. Onto the next!

[@gillbeatsisback01]

natalie j try existential therapists- that field of inquiry necesitates a lot of information and life experience,they can usually handle smarter clients

[@5fingerjack]

Therapists generally aren't supposed to diagnose Asperger's , which is on the autism spectrum. That is done by neurologists, licenced psychiatrists, licensed psychologists, and a few others. As far as learning from you, Dr. Grande says a good clinician will hear about your individual presentation and go find out more about it. It would be difficult to find a therapist who already knew about a joint presentation of autism and synesthesia because both are neurological and synesthesia is not in the DSM. You could find a therapist to work on what it is like to live with these conditions, and help you create strategies to navigate life more smoothly and respond to issues with better emotional regulation. But a counselor is not qualified to medically manage neurological conditions.

[@a.nonymous2089]

I get the rest of what you're saying, but as far as " I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. " I'm like this too and frankly, it's on us to be honest.

[@rodmorrison6644]

Thank you for both videos • Eight signs of a good counselor • Six signs of a bad counselor

[@zorgnax]

As a future counselor, this is extremely helpful. Thank you!

[@DrGrande]

You are most welcome!

[@5fingerjack]

I agree! Reassuring.

[@1313Siemens]

You're entering a very noble field. And your guidance is needed now more than at any other time. And it works. I'm living proof.

[@1313Siemens]

I wish for you the greatest of success. My life is made up of 2 chapters: pre/post therapy. So, yes: we have the power to make our lives better. You can be an assist 😊

[@maryellengodfrey]

Do You think being a therapist has made you grow and face your own hurt or what blocks self love. Freud said therapist heal with love so my thing is that the therapist should be pretty tight with their own psyche and emotional vulnerability. Has being a therapist made you stronger in this way?

[@I_Ace]

Im in college right now to become a psychologist. It makes me really confident and happy that my personality dimensions are congruent to a good counselor. Thank you Dr. Grande, gives me another great reason to do this as a career

[@k.ambriz9789]

Excellent list. I've been doing counseling for a little while and I appreciate your points. I'd add being willing to admit mistakes and openness to trying new approaches when one doesn't work to this list.

[@robhalfordblog]

I've had a few therapists whom I thought genuinely cared and who were kind and accepting of me. I had a few who seemed dismissive of me, to the point of feeling disliked by them. One was very realistic, but she was very cold and clinical. The turning point for me was when I was beginning to cry at the end of a session and she pretty abruptly said time was up and ushered me out, without addressing that. I had a few who were nice, but who never challenged my negative thoughts, to the point of enabling severely disturbing and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I've never had a therapist who was simultaneously warm and caring to me, kind and empathetic, and who also challenged me or helped me question my thoughts. My last therapist was pretty good, I think she truly cared, but she also let me go off on my own and kind of process everything myself. She was there more as a guide. I have a ton of self-awareness and insights, so it seemed like I was doing most of the work to come to conclusions or insights, and she would just chime in to point those in the track of mindfulness or whatever program we were basing stuff on. It was nice, but it didn't do much for me. I mean to be fair, I made a lot of progress, but most of it was done on my own outside of therapy. That's why I stopped going after maybe 8 months. It wasn't worth it to go talk to her because after a while I felt like I could do what she was doing on my own. I still feel like I could benefit from talking to a mental health professional, but I don't want blind agreeableness or a weak understanding. To be frank, I feel like there are a lot of people who go to therapy to deal with one or two specific issues, maybe situational, and they need someone to guide them in that situation for the time, they need someone to listen to them and validate them and their feelings. I feel like too many therapists only really do the listening part and validating part, and don't do the actual specific work part. I don't need to go to a therapist to vent or express my emotions to someone. If I go to a therapist, its to work through some chronic , comorid, and complicated mental illnesses and life events. I don't need to vent to a therapist; I need their help actually instructing me on how to work and improve these things. And so right now I am working on many skills I learned in therapy, but it was from group DBT therapy, not from individual therapy. If I had no social supports then yes, being able to vent to a therapist would be useful, as it is for many people. But I want concrete advice, opinions, suggestions, feedback, not just unconditional positive regard.

[@keep7smiling]

I am pretty confused why you would view the therapy in your second paragraph so negatively. That dynamic sounds very fruitful and promising to me. Someone helping you help yourself seems like the best case scenario, ofc you need to do most of the work! Once you are able to help yourself you don't need her anymore, i thought that was the goal of therapy. Noone will ever be always genuinely happy, being able to help yourself through it sounds amazing. From what I can tell, I feel like she really helped you, you might just not realize it. Stay strong and keep working on yourself!

[@Christ_Is_Life10-10]

Rob Halford what does “the work” mean to you? The therapist is not supposed to solve our problems but to guide and support you find ways to solve problems ourselves. Isn’t making progress the point of therapy? No one wants to be in therapy forever. Or at least I don’t think they do. I think some people look to therapists to “fix” people which is not the case.

[@zoeanaam.6996]

That will help me to become better therapist.

[@prestonthomas9684]

As regards to the second paragraph. We make deeper connections in our brain when we are able to learn and recognize our own flaws and behavior. The deeper the connections you have in error processing your own thoughts and behavior the more self aware you will be when those thoughts or behavior arise.

[@ThePossumone]

I absolutely agree with you 100% Some people go to therapy just to be heard and that is their therapy Most people I feel need real solutions and compassion

[@floratink]

My counselor is fairly new in the field and that made me a little apprehensive since I was worried i would be quite a challenge for her as far as me having a personality disorder but she is displaying all 8 signs ☺ thanks for this.

[@machinethesun9243]

I had a counselor who learned EMDR to treat me, meant the world to me and it helped immensely.

[@drebugsita]

Omg sounds like a dream. I am here searching for one taking clients and my insurance wishing my therapist would learn it.

[@signespencer6887]

EMDR was very helpful to me. And the positive changes have lasted for 0 years

[@yoshitamaurya5623]

Bless that counsellor.

[@ExaminerCross]

Nice. A lot of ppl dismiss that as quackery. It's an emerging science.

[@ExaminerCross]

@@signespencer6887 0 years? Is that a typo?

[@mariamatmos4506]

I have been in contact with different counsellors since 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will never forget the best counsellor I had, and the reason why she was the best for me, it is because she made me feel that she truly cared. She even got emotional at some point, and that made me feel that it was ok for me not to be always pretending that I was fine. That my feelings were valid. I remember she sometimes looked at me and didn't say anything, just gave me that space for me to settle. And what a caring and loving way she had to ask the right questions to make me realise where some issues were coming from. When you come from an outside world where bipolar disorder is linked to danger and crime by so many people, feeling cared about is life.

[@kalenrainbowkeir4722]

This resonates so much with me. My previous counselor (who came through a social work background) often showed emotional empathy and compassion. This never felt to me like she was 'making it about herself' as one might fear, and in effect showed me that what I was going through was indeed an emotionally rife situation and worth *feeling.* For clients prone to over-intellectualization and numbness as coping mechanisms, it this kind of emotional mirroring might actually help one give oneself permission to feel. That said, I suppose that some people might respond better to a stoic or neutral face; maybe those folks would even experience the outward emotional expression as ungrounding or unsafe! It really must depend on the client.

[@kristinblake9294]

As a counselor in training, challenging a client can be difficult but I've come to learn the necessity and have found an empathetic way of doing so. Being realistic is also a quality that I've come to learn is a necessity which can go hand in hand with challenging a client's ambiguous cognitions. It requires balance of positive and negative emotions to help a client remain aware of their reality when necessary. Furthermore, silence is a salient skill in counseling as it provides the client the opportunity and space to elaborate and process as well for the counselor the ability to track the conversation. The skills that Dr. Grande has discussed are important to be an effective and competent counselor.

[@salliegallegos918]

My best counselors were compassionate and showed genuine interest in me and my issues. They also set goals for me and guided me toward making healthy changes in my life. They gave me homework and effective methods for changing thought processes and behaviors. For example, EFT was one technique/tool that actually helped change negative emotions.

[@thebestmarcela]

Interesting video. I agree with those signs you picked. My therapist now is great and I’m loving working with her. While I listened to your video, I was remembering times she did those things. She goes back to previous topics and I appreciate she remembers the things I talk about; she’s okay with silence, which I think is nice too because it respects me “needing some time to organize my thoughts” sometimes; she also challenges me and points out things I’m trying to express that contradict what I’m saying, for example.

[@rp338]

I like your list but I think you are forgetting personal warmth and genuine caring.

[@DrGrande]

Good point!

[@melindac3368]

That's the one thing missing from all of the counselors I've seen through the years. I finally gave up and educated myself on what my problems were.

[@joanne7sb]

@@melindac3368 that's sad to hear, but glad you are still working at it.

[@melindac3368]

@@joanne7sb It's taken a lifetime Joanne, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had to take many years to try to figure it out. Having a counselor is great, but there's only so much you can vocalize and much of what's been experienced has been imprinted on the soul, and there's just not a way (at least that I've found) to articulate that. BTW: Thank you.

[@Christ_Is_Life10-10]

Rebecca Phillips warmth and genuineness is very important. I also think that sometimes it’s easy to expect a certain response from a therapist and when it doesn’t happen it can feel like they don’t care. Therapist aren’t our friends and have an obligation to challenge distorted thinking. Over empathetic therapists can be a disservice if it’s not balance with holding us accountable.

[@Cropcircledesigner]

Thank you so much for these videos on mistakes and bad therapy, I've been treated a team of therapists who refused to admit to any mistakes and acted like I owed them my trust, even after I had a traumatic experience in therapy, and videos like these are really helping me to regain perspective.

[@desireehofmann7649]

I’ve been in the field as a counselor for about a year, running my own groups & responsible for a caseload. This video, like a lot of others, has been insightful & so much of what you said ruminates with me. Thank you for taking the time to help educate the community🙏

[@bkreut]

Could you do a video about signs of a good therapeutic relationship?

[@syburd]

I wish you were my counselor! These are great tips

[@haydens5321]

I greatly appreciate your ability to remain objective and to consider the strengths and weaknesses of every approach; your refusal to subscribe to a binary is beacon of light in the mental health world. Objectivity is an under-appreciated trait in many mental health professionals. I was glad to hear you say that the goal of counselors should not necessarily be to get the client out of therapy in a timely manner. That was a major stumbling block I had with a former counselor, who stated during our first session that her goal was to make it so that I didn’t need her anymore. I felt very dismissed by that, considering she had barely even met me and I hadn’t even begun to discuss the extent of my reasons for seeing her. Every client is an individual and the sign of a good counselor is the ability to adapt their language and methods to be most effective in the context at hand. It’s a balancing act, but the best counselors rise to that challenge.

[@venetiancat]

The best therapists I had drew from personal experience. They were able to heal from some major trauma in their lives, and without going into too much personal detail, gave me practical hands-on suggestions that I was able to apply successfully to my own life.

[@StephanieTips]

I agree. I don't even trust talking to a therapist who hasn't gone through trauma or other issues themselves

[@johnchristinadarwin8477]

Great video. Number 5 and 6 are my particular favorite points. As an aspiring counselor I am glad I like research! This is a great video for clients seeking counseling as well.

[@07triman]

Great list. it helps me understand what has made my counselor so great. He consistently practices each of these qualities with me. I chuckled about the first item - being willing to challenge a client. In one of my early sessions with him, I told him what I thought. He was quiet for a moment then asked "So is everything you think true?" BOOM! It felt like a really nice dope slap. I had no choice but to sheepishly reply "well, I guess not" :) I have been seeing him for 6 months and have experienced more healing and freedom than I could have imagined.

[@awesomeastrid]

Thank you for this topic. I have often wondered if I still have it in me to return to my field of Social Worker, now in my 60's. You checked off many areas I have grown in and I was weak in the first 30 years. Your assessment is a great evaluation not only clients should look too but potential Therapists and Counselors!

[@nikkic83]

Would you please do a video on EMDR? Your input would be much appreciated. 🙏

[@deborraholiveri6202]

thank you. I'm starting therapy with a new counselor on Monday. I can usually tell if the " fit" is right and this video will be of help too.

[@DrGrande]

You're welcome!

[@lisanoland5134]

Thank you for this information. A major theme that seems to repeat throughout most of the signs is the need for balance. A good counselor needs to not be too lax or too rigid and be able to move about the continuum. While watching this video I also got the sense that trusting own's intuitions and following up with those feelings may be appropriate in many instances. As you mentioned being off-the-mark is not always bad and may be more beneficial than missing an opportunity to connect or explore an idea that is important. I am hopeful that these skills become easier with time.

[@ashleymogle2700]

Lisa, I agree with you that many of the eight signs listed appear to be skills that can only be "sharpened" through practice. I think our CRPs would be an excellent scenario to begin implementing these skills in. That way we are free to try these new techniques in a safe and controlled environment.

[@deniseswindell2175]

Lisa, as new learning counselors there are many things that we are learning . I felt some comfort from the fact that we as counselors don't have to get it right all the time and as we develop those relationships with our clients we will have a respectful relationship that allows for honest and open conversation.

[@rhobot75]

I did not mean for it to land here, but I'm glad if my 2 requests about search keywords and kids on medications make sense here! And now, today, I will also show this lovely video to my 19 year old friend / neighbor who helps me. Thanks everyday, Dr. Grande.

[@deniseswindell2175]

Dr. Grande, I felt this information was very helpful in know what is good qualities of a counselor. Knowing that by having that open and honest relationship with your client is a vital part of the therapeutic bond. Knowing that it is not imperative for a counselor to get every thing always correct but to be transparent with the client only improves that relationship. Most important to me as a new counselor is to be honest and respectful of the client in all aspects of the counseling sessions.

[@terencewinters2154]

1. 👂👂👂listening , 2. rogerian reflective talk promotes positive engagement, 3. challenge the clients personal values behavior conflicts with societal norms , 4. knowledge of dsm and research, 5. remember the aim of the client and goal for both, 6. ability to parry projection transference, 7. boundary respect, 8. acknowledge individual phenomenology ie they are not the same as any prior client or case study though some symptoms may dovetail, 9. Ability to parse the layer cake of the clients experiential shadow, 10 ability to direct client toward some intermediate and long term goals ie process development, 11. Avoid Personal aggrandizement as a miracle worker or failure to break through clients defenses, 12 . Realistically a counselor helps more with coping and adjustments than cures, 13. knowledge of physical health and pharmacology more often than not theres an associative physical symptom . 14. 👂🦉👀🙌🤜🤛😀😁😂🤣😃😄😅😆😉😊😋😎😍😘🥰😗😙😚☺️🙂🤗🤩🤔🤨😐😑😶🙄😏😣😥😮🤐😯😪😫😴😌😛😜😝🤤😒😓😔😕🙃🤑😲☹🙁😖😞😟😤😢😭😦😧😨😩🤯😬😰😱🥵🥶😳🤪😵😡😠🤬😷🤒🤕🤢🤮🤧😇🤠🥳🥴🥺🤥🤫🤭🧐🤓☻😈👿🤡👹👺💀☠👻 logotherapy .

[@chelseareeve36]

I found this video to be thought-provoking and definitely applicable to my experience thus far as a training counselor. I agree that as I am finding my style of counseling through role plays and other practice methods, it is very easy to go along with the presented tangents or to try and fill voids throughout the session instead of allowing time to process what is going on. For me personally, I felt as though the first 4 signs Dr. Grande mentioned were very important aspects of the therapeutic relationship which are underrated avenues of demonstrating care and competence in working with clients. I enjoyed that Dr. Grande repeatedly pointed out that we are human, and being open and honest with the client about the in-the-moment experiences can be very powerful.

[@StacyOnt]

I always wondered what those long pauses were for. I thought they were always waiting for me to add more. I hadn't considered that they may need a moment. This will help me get my money's worth for my sessions, so thank you.

[@pocoeagle2]

Thank you for your energy in making so many interesting videos Dr. Grande 👍 I appreciate this video also very much. Being realistic is indeed an important sign of a good counselor, I think also.

[@DrGrande]

You're welcome!

[@khappy1286]

I'm starting counseling again tomorrow. After about a year. Yrs ago when I was 20ish counselors were impeccable. Truly. I healed so much. Today 2 decades later as I revisit issues at new stages of my life- my last two in 2 yes were something from twolite zone. One was in her car on her phone screaming I've been there for you!! As I was informing her I was choosing to move on. She often cancelled last minute one time she said she was at a funeral and forgot. Ugh. The other counselor sat and glanced at her smart watch and talk about her young daughter. I had never in my 1st 20yrs ever had anything remotely close to happening. Tomorrow when I go I will kindly let my new therapist know my expectations as she will let me know her. I pray for a perfect fit ( think she had been practicing in FL about 15 to 20 yrs ) She does emdr and is faith based; that is a good start for me. Thank you Dr Grande for the support. I am healing from d.i.d.

[@thisisntanoption702]

Love the videos always. I was laughing at the thought of you listing the signs of a good counselor mainly pertaining to you. "Sign number one is if your counselor wears glasses. Number two, you can find the counselor on youtube. Number 3, a last name that can be translated into the word "large" is a very good indication of a good counselor."

[@kristiewatunya2699]

Thank you for this! I am currently experiencing some of these issues mentioned. It helped a lot.

[@kristin1533]

One of your most helpful videos, Dr. Grande.

[@rosannatarsiero3670]

There is no point challenging a client unless 1) you know him/her enough to be able to fairly ascertain his/her thought patterns, and 2) you know when and how to do it. A client needs to feel safe enough before s/he can face an issue without being judged or steered.

[@marissabarnes4084]

Thank you again, Dr. Grande. I am a big talker in general, but I can honestly say I am working on it. There are times when I may say too much or elaborate on my question and lose that moment with my client. I have begun to utilize that quiet space for myself and the client in our role plays.

[@JamieB]

Marissa Barnes Its funny that Dr. Grande discussed talking too much and the positive things that silence can do. I have gotten plenty of feedback from our counseling sessions letting me know that it’s ok to sit in silence and not to feel the need to have something to say back so quickly. It is an adjustment to view a counseling session differently than any other conversation, but it truly does have a purpose. Once I learn to become comfortable with silence, I will be a better counselor and allow clients an opportunity to reflect on their thoughts.

[@DiamondCutter423]

You are very thorough and pleasant in speech. Obviously a good counselor Thank-you.

[@charliecounselman1864]

Good stuff. I'm a newer counselor and I routinely watch this as sort of a mental checklist.

[@jvrooney2540]

As a now- retired LCSW, I want to thank you for your clear and understandable delineation of both good and bad counseling. Your presentations are already helpful when looking back on a career in mental health work in which one will have an effect, for good or I'll, on a person's life. In retrospect, I feel I did a good job, and I miss it, but it was time. My retirement plan has, for many years, been to proof/edit mental health manuscripts. Thank you for your insights.

[@lyndao7356]

Very helpful and validating too. My third try at a counselor -- about halfway thru our 1st session said: 'Earth to Lynda...Earth to Lynda...' and I loved him for it (normal patient/counselor respect). He gave me homework! And I did It and It Helped. Wow. That was years ago and now whenever I get too burdened and distracted I think of him and I return to earth. He's moved on to greater things now and so have I. Damn you're good.

[@brittanyhoffman8068]

I can't stress enough how important it is the be realistic in working with clients in this field. The clients can sense when a therapist or any professional working in the mental health field isn't being genuine and it can truly throw off the rapport between the client and the professional. Being realistic can show that you are actually paying attention to what the client has to say and how he or she is feeling, and once that trust is established by the client, there is more opportunity for the therapy to be effective for the client with this professional. Thank you for the video!

[@BurroGirl]

GREAT video for someone sussing out a new counselor. Thank you so much Dr. Grande.

[@stephanieboley4760]

I think the ability to focus on the main issue and to bring the conversation back to that is THE marker for a good counselor. It can seem like in session you can get wrapped up in any variety of segways. The ability to refocus the client back to the main problem really shows that the counselor can track these side topics all while being in tuned with the actual problem of the client.

[@marisamaguire8136]

As someone who is studying to become a licensed counselor, I really appreciated Dr. Grande’s representation of a good counselor. As a have learned, it can be easy to get in your own head, being unsure of when to challenge the client, and feeling pressured to constantly fill the silence due to the awkwardness or need to implement your newly learned skills as Dr. Grande mentioned. Additionally, I resonated with Dr. Grande’s ideas on the concept of being able to point something out that the client may be trying to communicate but not directly saying it. Having completed role play demonstrations and discussing the sessions with my peers, it is evident that in many cases those acting as the counselor, myself included, are hesitant to point out specific behaviors or possible concerns to the client due to the fact that we are unsure of how the individual may respond. Additionally, many hold the idea that if a client wished to discuss a specific issue they would bring up the topic themselves. However, that is not always the case. I find that within the counseling profession, there will be numerous incidents where the client is very much introverted, and therefore may hold back information, even if they wish to discuss it, due to the fact that they feel as though the counselor is uninterested or doesn’t care about their situation. For this reason, it is important for counselor to get to know their clients and be able to identify specific behaviors that may suggest a client is hesitant to communicate something. Therefore, it is necessary for the counselor to feel comfortable and confident in the therapeutic relationship with the client, in order to be able to bring such behavior and resistance to the clients attention, so that the client feels safe discussing difficult topics.

[@jessicavickers3946]

Marisa-you and I have talked about this a lot. We have both felt pressure to say "something" at times when it may not be necessary and even deter the flow of the session. And I agree that a client is not always willing to bring things up in therapy themselves but they really want to explore. I have experienced this myself as a client and I was always frustrated that the counselor didn't ask me about certain things. However, I realize that even though we are counselors (in the making) we wont ever be able to read minds so we have to be very observant and truly know and understand our clients to be effective with this skill.

[@amywang8578]

I really enjoy your videos. I don’t always pay attention but your physical language makes me feel quite comfortable.

[@joseliz8762]

I find it comforting that I am able to learn and adapt these signs into my own practice. To also add to your discussion, presence and being present with the client are important. When a counselor is able to be present with the client and really hear what they are saying, you are able to be more empathetic and are able to conceptualize the client and his or her world much more effectively. In my opinion, being present can lead to better rapport building and overall flow of a session

[@rightnow5839]

Thanks 🙏 Dr. Grande. This was very interesting and helpful. 💗

[@carolynromero4462]

Seen quite a lot of your videos so impressed by your KNOWLEDGE. You see things from every angle. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar, another psychiatrist thought he may have a personality disorder. After 13 years I can see now he has been narccistic from Day 1, also wondering if he has personality and paranoid, so many symptoms overlap. Learned so much from you, if only you could be our/his therapist. Bc yes all therapists are not created the same and misdiagnosing or not diagnosing is all too common.

[@bobs182]

I generally have a terrible time dealing with medical doctors and I assume psychologists would the same. Doctors are too eager to do procedures and surgeries.

[@rosejacks8662]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience!

[@kelliearnold8498]

Wow I’m amazed. Very interesting. I wish I could remember everything. Great advice Dr.Grande.

[@ELECTECHNUT]

Dear Dr. Grande, another highly informational video that exceeded my expectations... Which are pretty damn high, since I've already grown accustomed to your level and range of expertise. 😎👍

[@DwynMary]

Good to hear. :) I'm a therapist and found myself in all, though there is always a room for improvement :) plus I'd say really warm, authentic and caring approach about my clients which I think is important, as that was important for me on when I was on the other side.

[@patheally]

I've seen other professionals on KZbin analyze the movie versions of their field. It would be cool if you did something like that. You could call it: "Psychoanalysis in the movies" or something. Maybe do "Good Will Hunting" as your first movie. Just a thought.

[@JennySieck]

I'd love to see this as well....

[@michaelleahy123]

he just diid GWH

[@gabepearl5661]

thank you for another great video. You kind of pointed this out, however I think it could be more clarified that therapist should not be your friend. I went through a terrible divorce and have been the recipient of a lot of parental alienation for many years. I am biased I know, but I quit seeing two therapists after my wife left because I felt that they just wanted to agree with me and were too much on my side. I was looking for someone who was willing to point out my flaws and was willing to say the hard stuff.

[@analogalien651]

He is great! Very respectful while being objective and honest . He gives great anylisis and input based on facts and science plus he’s funny as hell.

[@jobond3317]

I enjoy your channel. Don't watch them all as I often repeat the video. You give a depth of information that needs to be absorbed or check out. Don't agree with everything so need check research to understand why I might feel that way

[@erby1kabogey9]

Love your videos. Currently in grad school for MHC and I learn so much more in depth by watching. Thx, really appreciate it! Keep growing out the Sigmund beard btw lol

[@DrGrande]

Thank you so much!

[@oliviahylton9430]

I resonated with several of the signs discussed within Dr. Grande's video. First, I can understand the importance of being a realistic counselor. In class several weeks ago, my cohort and I discussed the importance of not being too quick to identify the strengths of the client. In doing so, you can unintentionally minimize the client's concerns or feelings and in turn cause the client to shut down. Additionally, when first learning the basic listening sequence and practicing these techniques through role plays, I noticed there was no silence in any of my sessions. As I have progressed into more advanced listening skills, I am much more intentional about being silent. Not only is this beneficial for the client in order to process what is being said in the session, but it also creates more accurate reflections, paraphrases and summaries on my part. When I am not rushing or worrying to fill that silence, I too can take the time to really internalize what the client is disclosing and thoughtfully respond instead of saying the first thing that pops into my head.

[@marisamaguire8136]

Olivia, I really appreciated a lot of what you mentioned in your response pertaining to being realistic and the practice of silence. I agree that is it necessary to acknowledge both the concerns and strengths of the client. However, it is important to listen and understand the clients concerns fully before identifying their strengths and altering the conversation to a more positive note. It’s necessary for the client, and even the counselor, to feel those emotions and process everything so that they are able to also acknowledge their strengths and work towards making progress. Additionally, having worked with you on many of the role-play demonstrations, I too have noticed your use of implementing silence and as a client or counselor it is a necessary tool to allow both parties the time to process information. I really valued your comment of how silence allows you to become more accurate when reflecting, paraphrasing, and summarizing in order to provide the client with thoughtful responses rather than saying the first thing that comes to mind. I will definitely keep this concept in mind when working on role-plays moving forward and even within my career.

[@austinthornton8729]

Excellent advice dash right on the money! Many clinicians don’t follow these patterns. I find it a clinician that is also well read in literature, especially classical literature, I think gives them some more depth and sense of empathy in a while rounding us to the practice and discipline

[@grumpyschnauzer]

Love this list! Very concise and accurate.

[@debrathomas4425]

As a counselor working towards licensure. It's reassuring to hear I do some of these. It also helps to know what areas I can continue to improve.

[@johngoodman601]

Sincere caring, curiosity, charisma, humor, open heart listening, and reminding the person, if but subconsciously, that they are ok just the way they are. Above all, Love. I can envision myself a counselor and these are my thoughts and I most sadly believe school would fill my mind with maps the soul doesn't care for. Any ideas? Could I do a short program and perhaps jump into an internship and get going instead of going 6 years into financial debt?

[@kiaracb06]

As I watched the video I had a better understanding of the importance of challenging a client as a counselor. I feel that being realistic helps with congruence and builds a rapport to help the client feel comfortable speaking about their real life situations because as stated in the video not all situations will turn out great but the counselor could help find alternative or work through the concerns. Well rounded counselors are important as the clients come in with issues that they really are trying to work through and just need assistance to help them in the process.

[@elyshamason9813]

Number 6 is something I REALLY need to work on. And I agree Dr. Grande, the pressure to fill the silence is very pressing especially at this point in our careers where we are being graded and observed. However, even in our mock sessions I have learned to allow at least some silence and time to understand what my client is saying to me. Sometimes I think when we answer to quickly to a client we lose some insight to what they are saying to us because we are already formulating a response to what they have said.

[@lisanoland5134]

I also need to work on the use of silence and also becoming comfortable with empathetically challenging an individual. As Dr. Grande pointed out the clients are there for help and without pointing out incongruencies we are doing a disservice.

[@tamarabakergibbons5715]

Seems like being graded and observed changes the dynamic of the session. I've noticed that what I say on camera is a little different from off camera. For instance I'll notice a non verbal behavior, but may not say anything right then, but turn the camera off and I'm like "What was that?" That's my growing edge. Thanks

[@nikkic83]

A good counselor, in terms of narcissist abuse or C-PTSD ( PTSD DSM5 ) is very hard to find.

[@drebugsita]

AGREE! And this reality can lead us to be re-traumatized. I have found that they are often dismissive in response to grappling with narcissists and having CPTSD

[@nancywutzke5392]

@@drebugsita Wow! Same here. I've been thru several and I'm about to give up. This pandemic isn't making matters better either. I'm getting worse.

[@drebugsita]

@@nancywutzke5392 I'm sorry to hear! It is really hard, and discouraging. All I can say is that it is worth it to keep looking and trust your gut when you find someone that you feel more at ease with. Wishing you the best of luck!

[@Petuacapturesit]

@@nancywutzke5392 are you feeling better now?

[@jtzoltan]

Dr. Grande have you just described yourself to a tee? 😋

[@patrickhanson712]

Lol right on.

[@DrGrande]

Lol, you are too kind.

[@jtzoltan]

@@DrGrande well even if not quite, it's interesting how we all automatically construct an ideal (or set of ideals) of what it is to embody the proper way of being. Hopefully we each get proper socialization to give us a Super-ego that is pro-social, wise, courageous, etc.. I thought the insight about the Super-ego was pretty bang-on as a low resolution construct (along with Id and Ego). It's like Jordan Peterson says, our highest ideals are a judge. We compare our actions against it always, well when reflective at least. I wonder if psychopaths and narcissists believe that they ARE ALREADY their ideal or even the universal ideal. In my own previous neurotic life, I found I had good ideals, but that it was impossible to think myself into approaching any of those ideals in my way of being... in fact, I may have been becoming more wretched under the tremendous stress. The super-ego was a cruel judge and I was paralyzed with circular intrusive thoughts: an amygdalic grande library of humiliations to recount, each episode-review I was hoping to see that it was not as bad as it seemed the last 100 times I revisited the memory. I became withdrawn and avoidant. The way to break it wasn't by thinking my way out if it, at least not on it's own. It required positive social encounters and warm feedback from others and from a more positive and forgiving internal voice growing in volume and identifying possible cognitive distortions. I gradually dis-inhibited myself and bootstrapped a personality I could respect. How I got into that suffering state is a long story, as is the ways I got out. It's really helpful to have this series to provide further insight. I will help my daughter and future children to learn how to navigate around modern dangers and find their courage. Thank-you Dr. Grande, you are a cool cat and you're doing us a lot of good by passing forward some knowledge and wisdom!

[@eileenharder2473]

He is very good. I would like to know what his credentials are just out of curiosity

[@patrickhanson712]

Yes as I have found, when its brought back it changes, and I find Ive made progress through the course of therapy/ homework Ive been given I did not undersatand I was making! I wont lie, at first thought she just didnt get me but Im finding out recently (3 months in for AUD and BPD) that the path shes led me down in the DBT is freaking me out in a good way. She always said I would find out I had no idea why I drank, even though knew it was to do with my alcoholic mom. I have gone through stages of acceptance and denial in sessions, left that office feeling... great, horribly sad, angry, numb, like a light went on, confused (what was that waste of time?), like I will make it, and twice I will quit sessions next week. She is very professional in how she chose to challenge me, at EXACTLY the right time! And yes I did plenty of rambling early on. Great video. Thank you!!!

[@karensellers8264]

Great video Dr. Grande. I have found a very wonderful Counselor that is helping me work through a gambling addiction. He has done a lot of great research on this issue and has really provided great insight as to why addiction happens. I have not gambled in 3 months and have no desire to go back to gambling. I have learned what my triggers are and have a good written on how to deal with these triggers when they occur. I wish there was some program to nominate my Counselor as a Counselor of the Year or something like that!

[@phoenixbg2096]

Omg! What a insightful video, Thank you!

[@dHunter94]

Something I know I need to address is sticking to the original topic that is the main reason why the client came to me. Often times it's difficult for me to determine if the primary topic the client speaks about is the true reason they have come to see me or if it is a way for them to talk about something that doesn't bother them in an attempt to avoid speaking about something more serious. I suppose that is something that will come with more practice and an enhanced understanding of the material. Overall, this video gave me great insight as to what to look for in a counselor/therapist as I have never been to one and would not know where to begin when thinking in terms of what to look for in one.

[@ChasexMc]

Hey Dr. Grande, I love your content and I hope you keep it up. One suggestion for improvement, look into improving audio quality by eliminating the feedback/white noise that is present in a lot of your videos. If I knew exactly how to do that I would describe it here, but I'm sure a few google searches would be helpful.

[@tkenglander6226]

I learned a lot about using silence many years ago because of weekly sessions with a guy who had been in prison for 10 years and was only in his mid-30s. He was a very deliberate thinker and took his time telling me things about his life. I learned that, if I could just sit quiet a little longer, I'd get more of the story at his pace. I focused on breathing slowly to calm down my own anxiety about how long he took to answer questions and explain things and I was able to be silent and wait. It was a wonderful experience working with him.

[@elisae4335]

I am new in the field and I believe that I am checking your eight points or at least those are goals to me when I practice;I must be on the right path😊. Thx for this video

[@williamwagner827]

I liked this list of signs of a good counselor. As I was watching I was thinking that I have some of these traits so I am glad I am in a CMHC program!

[@amandavalentino8182]

Dr. Grande- Your presentation on 8 signs or a good counselor was very informative. I find the when people are looking to be or even looking for that counselors of their own, it is important to be open and willing to challenge the client. The client does come to sessions to help with their current challenges and if the counselor agreed the whole time- what is the client getting from the session? I enjoyed your thoughts and agree with all of them.

[@VenusLover17]

Very good points. Thanks so much

[@commonwealpanther]

Thank you for this thoughtful video!

[@BagelBagelBagel]

My head is filled with all sorts of neurological differences including Autism and Tourettes, and my clinical worker (I tend to refer to her as my therapist) is always ready to learn and grow along side me, I bring in new ideas and techniques all the time and she responds so positively to it. ☺️☺️☺️

[@Lilysfur17]

I bet you have all these things, that you're an amazing counselor... wish I lived closer!

[@ivydolbeare368]

Thank you. I feel much better about my counselor now. Glad I haven’t wasted two years. I wish there was more diagnosis and guidance though. Still feel I spend too much time talking and not enough guidance.

[@shimmer8289]

I have the same issue she touched on cpstd, and anxiety. However we don't speak about what brought that about. Just current day things and getting through them. I believe she don't want me to feel labeled. And perhaps going over stuff from childhood is actually not helpful. She must be using cognitive behavior therapy in any event I do think she's the best thing since Sliced bread.

[@sianmegginson8110]

I think a basic quality in a Counsellor is having Rapport with the client if they dont have that then the therapy wont work. Also Counsellors need to stop rescuing and keeping a client dependent in order to make money. Counselors can also become burnt out with 'compassion fatigue' and need to balance how many counselling hours they spend with clients.

[@garrettperiard1863]

I find this content to be exceptional. Thank you!

[@Maaraujo7]

Thank you so much Dr. Grande. More videos for newbies and interns please, porfavor !!! Gracias !

[@hano1484]

Awesome! Thanks Doc!

[@jamiekincaid8714]

Thank you for all the support and encouraging information 😊

[@hicknopunk]

Every person needs a different type of councler. I was abused as a child, as a client, there are times where I kinda become that scared child again. My best match is a lady I found who has worked with children and the school system. She knows how to press or back off as needed. She understands where I am coming from.

[@CostasCourtComposer]

You have a great channel! I Iearn a lot of stuff. Continue like this!

[@sunb5738]

It's really intetesting! Maybe I should have picked counseling instead of law haha I also think some of those qualities are useful in every day life and for everyone? For example, I'm the type of person that always tries to see the good in a situation, often too much, I tend to ignore or downplay the bad, and I know that it doesn't help people around me and myself equally so I guess it's good to be aware of it and try working on it?

[@tamarabakergibbons5715]

Dr. Grande what a great point you made about counselors not always being positive and having a little bit of negative emotion in an effort to be real with their clients. I imagine how the client would feel if they were presenting stress, depression or any challenging situation and the counselor is cheery, or believes everything will workout, there is a disconnect between the two. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being optimistic, however, recognizing and validating the struggles of the client should be most important, not reassuring them that everything will be okay. Thanks for the video.

[@stephanieboley4760]

Tamara - I agree. Counselors are people too and being able to allow some negative emotions into the session I think are key to staying authentic and congruent with the self. It's impossible for people to expect that counselors are like robots, void of any emotion other than positive or a "fix it" mentality.

[@brittanyhoffman8068]

Tamara, I agree with you 100%. It doesn't see right for a counselor to be optimistic when a client is deep in a downward spiral about his or her situation that is going on. The counselor presenting as optimistic at the beginning of the session is one thing, but once the client's emotions are involved, the counselor has to be conscious of what is appropriate in reaction wise. Thank you for sharing!

[@suvner123]

Very good and informative. I have shared this with my student counsellors 👍

[@johnfruits3544]

Challenging a client I feel is good as long as you are kind and as you develop a relationship with that client. I also appreciate your point about it being ok that a counselor does not have a good working memory at every point. Being human and just expressing your forgetfulness at that moment shows humanism and reduces my anxiety about trying to remember everything. You mentioned high conscientiousness. Staying on top of research and our continual learning as counselors are imperative to the success of the client and counselor. We must always be learning and looking at the progression of our craft. Another point you made was having silence as a response. Also, saying that "I don't know the answer". Is keeping things human and healthy. We cannot pretend in our profession and being open and honest is key! Very good signs of a good counselor and therapist which has given me some great thought that I will strongly consider going forward.

[@ericahammond9901]

I agree John! As a counselor, one has to express their humanity in order to keep the therapeutic relationship as authentic as possible. A client would not expect their counselor to present themselves as ingenuine, this could potentially lead to damage within therapeutic relationship.

[@davemckay4359]

As a future patient, I recommend this channel.

[@davidjohn9006]

Informative & helpful 👍🏽

[@daylightsun]

You are such a great role model.

[@jessicavickers3946]

I really like how Dr. Grande pointed out that just because these are some of the signs of a good counselor and that the list is not exhaustive be any means. I especially related to number three-being realistic. I interpreted this to mean that it is ok to be human. As a professional there is a line that we can not cross. If we are having problems in our personal life we certainly can not use a therapy session with a client to talk about our problems but it is ok to be human and to feel our emotions. This also makes us more empathetic to what our clients are going through. I also understand this to mean that sometimes bad things happen and that sometimes our clients need to feel uncomfortable emotions.

[@CaylynAdamko]

Excellent video! Thank you.

[@angelabarnes4062]

Absolutely this makes people feel safe to explore their emotions and open up.