How Your Silence Can Kill Him On The Inside And Make Him Go Crazy

[@jewelz1041]

It works! I was giving him my all! Always texting, always planning, always giving… and I finally got tired of it. He wasn’t reciprocating the effort so I went silent on him and now he’s blowing me up. I used to get so excited to hear from him that I would immediately plan something for us. Not this time, I replied hours later with just 2 words. He texted again this morning and I’m not replying. He doesn’t deserve my time, money or energy. Thanks Elliot for the reminder!

[@danilaroche1156]

Never give a boyfriend your all. Thats foolish. He's not your spouse. I wouldn't even sleep with him if there's no commitment.

[@thequeenofwitches7943]

Men are chasers by nature. So you can only blame yourself for his behavior for chasing him.❤

[@strawberryshortcake8382]

It gets old. To bad they can enjoy you when your still trying to get to know him. No no ,,, they only want when we decided we don’t want them y It’s to bad. Lots of couples that could have really had something is wasted because you dropped her while she was trying to get to know you, planning fun dates etc. Then you get the point, decide to move on , then he wants back. Nope nope nope. He saw you as desperate, you really weren’t , you were just excited to have a friend and seeing what happens but in his little tiny head , you were desperate, needy , etc. Ummm… no you just were happy to have a new person in your life. They think they are a little more important than they really are.

[@jewelz1041]

@@strawberryshortcake8382 yes!!!!!! You get it!!!! You totally understand me and I love you for that!!!! 🥰🥰🥰 Learned from my mistakes and know better now moving that way 👉🏽👉🏽 🫶🏽

[@robynsf]

When you went silent did you remove from social media?

[@LydDee]

I started dating a guy and he showed early signs of flakiness. You know the usual, texting whenever, responding even a day later and not really making plans with me. He kept me hanging on for a couple of weeks with breadcrumbs😐 I got sooo upset he wasn't responding in a timely manner that I told myself "if he does this one more time, i'm breaking things off, FOR GOOD". He obviously responded to my last message about going out, A DAY LATER😮 So, I texted him :I think its best if we don't date. Communication is pretty chaotic on your end. I appreciate it when people communicate on time and set a pace in getting to know eachother. Take good care and good luck with everything going on in your life❤ And BLOCKED HIM😂 No room for negotiation and manipulation. I'm done with this BS😅 Wasted three weeks in total, not bad right? I'm getting better at this😁 And I truly believe it's going to kill him because he has a huge ego....

[@luckygirl-ue1jx]

Beautiful helpful words, thanks.

[@rachelb4722]

Excellent response, I’m going to use this

[@latashalewis873]

Excellent!!

[@shawnlove4502]

Girl, you almost said too much, lol They don't deserve it.

[@d.m.schwarzer3729]

To be really honest, the real reason why we want him so bad to come back is nothing else - but to boost our bruised ego, because it feels god damn good to have him scratching on our door just to reject him over and over again. Usually guys come back the second we actually really really really moved on, and understood in our core we re much better off without him anyway. The game gets so boring the older you get. Its tragic really. After a while you can set your clock after when he comes knocking. So so so boring. And the older we get the less we are willing to give 2nd chances. It really come down to let him humiliate himself for our amusement. Guys that are running hot and cold and not to be taken serious. Hot and cold means NO, end of story.

[@SerenityDreaming]

You recognize that not everybody experiences the same things you do right? That this vindictive need that you're describing might be the source of some of your problems Don't get me wrong I understand there are times when you just want them to feel what you feel but some of us don't experience the intense need for revenge the to do over and over and over. Some of us just want to understand why anybody would treat us like this. And that's okay it's okay to feel what you feel too but we're not all the same.

[@SerenityDreaming]

This sounded way snottier than I meant it to lol I'm so sorry

[@CeciledeLuire]

Very true: *NEVER reward behavior that you do not want,* for example him coming and going as he likes.

[@winning3329]

Im lonely but I am happy because I don't put up with bad behavior 🙂

[@hppy_penguin]

8:52 If you have to explain yourself to a guy once a week or even twice a month on what you're needing and wanting out of a relationship. Stop it! Go silent and make him get at back of the line. That hoodie looks suuuppper comfy btw!!

[@rileysmiley9585]

I concur with you.

[@DontDishItOutIfYouCantTakeIt]

What I like about this coach is that he reveals what's going on in a man's head. I'm so glad I watched this video. I was seriously thinking about getting in touch with my "dismissive avoidant" ex and trying to work it out. Now I remember how much I hate him and why,.

[@Heisadoni]

😂😂😂

[@Shakamario]

You hate him 😂 sheesh

[@rileysmiley9585]

Forget about him and just keep up your great energy. God loves us and will bring us someone who will value us. Everything will be alright.

[@jadegreen1554]

7:58 “he’s supposed to court you… it’s not about investing resources, he wants the opportunity to (court you)… it’s him _choosing_ to court you (him trying) and you _allow_ it-that’s courtship”.

[@LivingBeyondBeauty]

Let's be open and frank here- if you've been played, taken for granted, discarded, no amount of 'silence' will make a blind bit of difference. They will simply 'move on' or moonwalk to the next victim like a 'smooth criminal'. 😢

[@Heisadoni]

Moonwalk😂

[@BrooklynBaby100]

Yes I have mixed thoughts on this too. Lack of accountability and they just jazz hands on to the next poor lady.

[@user_abcxyzz]

Nice analogy 🌙 + 👟 👟

[@Rozie32]

That’s not true!! The guy can like you and also play with you! Coming and going..

[@jessicahitchens6926]

Yea coming and going.... hence it doesn't work out

[@CorporateQueen]

5 months of silence and I blocked him so he can't watch me on my professional Instagram. Trying to date new people.

[@hellomrsmurphy5360]

I really find it hard not to reply to his Christmas message cos I do not want to ghost people. However, he does not want any commitment and we‘ve been through this conversation about 6 times. I am going to be silent and impolite this time. Hope its the right thing to do.

[@richerDiLefto]

It is. He didn’t earn your response.

[@danilaroche1156]

Are you serious? He's TELLING you he doesn't want commitment. You need healing from past trauma. Only Jesus can do that for you.

[@winning3329]

Don't be afraid to lose a man because men are like busses and there's always one coming down the street every 15 minutes

[@PinkHydrangea]

Skip over him and his nonsense.

[@jskyler7]

He doesn’t need to commit because you’ve already committed to him.

[@willturnerfanAWE]

Had a break up about a month ago and he said he would still be there if I need him and could reach out, he would keep my number, still wanted to be friends. I can’t do it though, I realized it’s healthier for me to just move on with my life because we can’t be just friends. Maybe he’ll come back, maybe he won’t but I refuse to be a “friend” for him to cling on to, that line was crossed when he opened those feelings of love in my heart and it’s not a faucet I can just turn off on a whim 😢 With time and reflection, along with no contact, it’s made my mindset better, we’ll see what the future holds 💕 (In truth, I feel like since the break up and getting over the initial grief, I am having the best time of my life and I’m here for it)

[@Kitathegang]

Damn if I would have seen this a week ago now I’m ghosted again I keep falling for it man these guys are slick

[@anabelle6880]

Well, I've certainly mastered this technique... being ghosted so consistently has been great practice

[@JasmyneContours]

Thanks for the advice. It doesn't apply to my situation, because the man I choose has already said he isn't romantically interested, but in the future I will keep this in mind if someone new deserves the application of silence. I appreciate having insight to how men think. I am behind in this area and quite lost.

[@rileysmiley9585]

First of all you have to be a cool person. Never text them first and “orbit” around them. Elliot really helped me to be a high value woman. I now have a masters degree and teach college.

[@mermaidthea]

I told him 10 years ago that I don`t love him anymore and he left. He never came back and I miss him enormously. Before that he was using me for maybe 20 years or more, because we know each other since high school. He was calling me when he wanted and I was always there. Now, we have mutual friends so I guess he knows how I am doing, but he never looked for me again. And it hurts me so much!

[@rebeccasaltzburg5553]

Journal! This is an unhealed childhood wound this is not about this man. You deserve real love and some part of you wanted to change him when he's just not a loving person period.

[@mermaidthea]

Thank you for your answer! Yes, I have many childhood traumas which I am trying to cure now.@@rebeccasaltzburg5553

[@danilaroche1156]

​@@rebeccasaltzburg5553I agree. Definitely unhealed wounds. She has a soul tie too.

[@jadegreen1554]

Sounds a lot like the others said, very unhealed childhood wounds that isn’t only about this man but things you came into this with. I’m sure he is not the only person you had limerence with. It is co-dependency too, so it would help you to do a lot of work and healing to get out of this type of holding pattern. You’re in a lot of pain because of things you’re coming from in childhood. Another term is people-pleaser. Try to believe you deserve the love you want, and make sure you don’t settle for less, ever.

[@mermaidthea]

@@jadegreen1554 Thank you! Yes you are right!

[@duckypam]

It's much better to have a "dry spell" than take back a loser

[@CeciledeLuire]

Revenge? It's not about revenge. Or i love the man or i don't. In the second case no need to think about anything. In the first case and if he takes me for granted, yes then silence can be gold sometimes.

[@findingdori442]

How about if I just ignore the man who treats me as an option? Bye, Love Me 💗

[@wheresmycoffeeineededit3639]

Best coach on KZbin ❤

[@danilaroche1156]

He's very hyper and he thinks it's ok to have sex without commitment.

[@rileysmiley9585]

Yep Elliot is wonderful.

[@jadegreen1554]

A lot of times the quarrel about “daddy issues” etc still happen and they actually play games and don’t appear like they should. Even though you are arguing about each others issues, they still have excuses to not appear like they should and sometimes a break/silence is important when youre saying things and they’re not hearing.

[@yarakorayem7231]

Ty for breaking it down like that. U give a reason to boost one's confidence that they're on the right track but cud easily fall into the other end's charm or doubt one's sense of self cause we don't get captivating attention every day. Too bad though, the gaming becomes too ridiculous, they're playing it solo in their heads & it becomes about time to expose them.

[@alexanelow7455]

dated a guy who wanted to friends. so i treated him like a friend and it got to him and he blocks me.

[@danilaroche1156]

Leave him be. He's flaky and stoopit.

[@lightfrega4106]

Bahahhaahahhahahahaha 😂😂 great job sis!

[@chinadoll534]

😂 😝 😆 I know that’s right

[@LovingLife44]

I wish your guides could be ordered as a physical book instead of just pdf files on my phone.

[@1crafter408]

I have shamelessly been chasing a guy (texting him and inviting him over on average two times a week). I have finally made up my mind to cut out this bs and raise my standards - I have not texted thus far this week and I’m planning on going silent. I’m curious to see in how many weeks I’ll get a text from him (I realize I never even give him the chance to text me first as I constantly do). I can keep those who are interested updated to see how long it takes…

[@danilaroche1156]

Never chase a man. It's unnatural. Humiliating.

[@ladyenfamouz]

Update us girl… what’s happened?

[@1crafter408]

@@ladyenfamouz Unfortunately since that last message we did meet again on the last day of school. We both went home for the summer and have not spoken since then. It’s been a little over two months since we last communicated with each other. Honestly that’s not unusual because we would primarily text to meet up and we are home now for the summer. The true test will come when I return to school soon. I still plan to stay firm and not reach out anymore.

[@ladyenfamouz]

@@1crafter408 Thank you for letting me/us know. Wishing you all the best moving forward. It’s time to hold firm and readjust his evidence base!

[@dxrksideofthemoon]

If and when he does decide to come around.. String it along cause then it’ll show you’re still available at any given time he decides to come around. Don’t respond right away and if he makes plans, have him work around YOUR schedule. Sounds messed up but if a man truly wants the woman he’ll go above and beyond to get her. Remember that. If not it’s really not that serious for him and it’ll be up to you what you do with that knowledge.

[@memorablywonderful]

Love ur Video. Seems like someone is also been traumatized by a dry spell here🎉 I like ur honesty dude😂

[@nancygoodspeed8349]

Thanks!

[@irmalola2559]

Thank you for being older brother that i never had 🙏❤️ Happy new year 🫶

[@KellyK871]

Love it Elliott 😂

[@annas9720]

You keep slaying with these thumbnails 😂😅

[@nancygoodspeed8349]

Mother Nature abhors a vacuum... wait him out!! ❤

[@maricrisonil7324]

im so heartbroken, 17 yrs ldr, on off relationship....😔

[@danilaroche1156]

17 years? Dang.

[@dreaming_of_that_mbbs_mbchb]

The tv show was called golden balls and hosted by jasper carrott YOU WERE RIGHT but if both parties chose the steal ball - they both go home with nothing so actually stealing doesn’t guarantee advantage for you my mum watched it all the time when I’d pop in for tea before going home she’d have it on tv

[@lisabuckner243]

I agree w the silence part. But how do you not see that giving it up BEFORE a commitment goes against Mother Nature??

[@danilaroche1156]

Elliot is a bit of a mess. Pray for him.

[@user_abcxyzz]

​@@danilaroche1156😂

[@user_abcxyzz]

But it's reality. More ppl fornicate before marriage than ppl that dont.

[@Emptytopfloor]

Why do you women give men wife benefits without marriage?

[@danilaroche1156]

That's a huge issue. This is why women are so traumatized. It takes great strength, resolve and self control not to sleep with a man you love. This is why we need the power of Christ Jesus. It took me years to get to abstinence and it brings great peace. I'll sleep with my boyfriend after he puts a ring on it.

[@steph6109]

Because men and women value relations differently. What you see as wife benefits is just what women see as normal loving relationship activity. But men see it as something else and punish women for not having the se world view. Most of what men do around sex and sexual relationships make no sense to us either

[@danilaroche1156]

People are ignorant to the fact that God created sex for love & commitment. There is something empty about sex without it. Like eating cotton candy..un fulfilling.

[@99xseax99]

Cuz he tricked me into it. And I fell for him after I wasn't suppose to . The dude is a lozer everyone knows it but my heart now is blind and just wants them. I have iced him out but we're still friends it's a complicated situation.

[@jskyler7]

That’s what I’ve been saying lol. After you fuk don’t stay the night with him & certainly don’t make him breakfast in the morning 😂😂!! You’re not supposed to stop dating other guys either.

[@adelaidavegagarcia4636]

I got tire of always giving my best and not being enough to have a relationship and I moved on but 2 weeks later he was hooking up with another girl and he told my coworker so she told me

[@nikkiross128b]

I was in dry spell relationship. Now dating with all these flaky men. Sex is awesome, but if I want to keep my standards I discard them and then the next one comes along, hence there emerges a rotation scheme. How to avoid that?

[@Kenziiag7]

My bf out of the blue said he wanted a break not to fully break up but to focus on his kids more and whatever it is we are going through but that same morning was loving and even called me and the phone call was fine until 10 minutes in when he said the break was needed I was upset and hurt and I sent him a long paragraph which he replied too with something dumb so then I said “f you” he read it and never replied. I unfollowed him on everything except TikTok but I’ve been wondering if I did the right thing, if maybe I responded in a bad way, should I reach out ? He’s been posting a lot on TikTok then he did while we were dating and it’s random things making it seem like he’s fine. I just want to know if I ruined things by telling him off and letting it go a week without reaching out or should it be on him to reach out to me ?

[@chinadoll534]

It’s definitely on him to reach out. I do think you going off on him was showing too much emotions. When you respond like that he feels he got you. That was the time to go silence on his ass. Never let him see you sweat. 😂

[@Doom_Buggy_Nerd]

If he texts sex I ignore him. Basically saying that what he is doing is not appropriate and crossing my boundaries

[@alexo1792]

I would sext him but then again im a tease 😅

[@Beautifullysaid]

I got u next time

[@dreaming_of_that_mbbs_mbchb]

How do you know when they’ve earnt a chance again though because by always stealing and never trusting it sounds like they’re left in the cold with permanance

[@chrissymullins1579]

You should do some content on particular dating apps. Where to go for what you are looking for. What a messss these little apps are. Lol

[@PlaywithDaisy]

Get off dating apps and go meet people in real life

[@isabelsmith109]

Wish I could do a session but I can't afford it. My ex fwb has given signs of both sides of what you have said.

[@ElliotScottDating]

Message me on Instagram I'll give you a big discount

[@panthers4440]

Elliot - Is it any different if u dumped him 4 cheating ? I found msgs on his fone 😳 he says it’s not cheating, but it’s intent, the lookin, time, energy, effort, attention elseware he can go elsewhere 👋 any insight please ? 🙏

[@chinadoll534]

Please, if he’s doing all of that, he’s still looking. Girl stop being his option. You should only be a man’s choice. Period

[@clover84htx]

Elliot ❤

[@J3nnycat]

Can i get a lil advice? 5yrs together, broke up about a month ago. He took me for granted. No contact for a month, he's not on my social media anymore but i know he's watching. I have no interest to get back with him. My dilemma is he sent a Christmas gift in the mail for my cat, lol. I feel like I should say thank you....but maybe I shouldn't? I'm a stickler on thanking people and can't stand it when people don't. But maybe in this case I shouldn't? What you think?

[@annab2796]

Don’t. Ignore him.

[@monakool1708]

Ignore

[@chiobabe2180]

Say thank you . Keep it stiff

[@BarristerBabe]

If you can stop at thank you, then go ahead. If you think it will open a gateway for him to get back in then don't.

[@falidisu2139]

Say nothing.

[@Callieforniiaa]

Been seeing him over a year off and on, he comes and goes. He was supposed to come over the other night. He actually was supposed to come over two night but flaked both and now he’s ignoring me. I messaged him this morning which was a mistake but I’m not going to contact him again and continue to focus on me. He’ll be back around but I’m going to handle it differently this time. Yes I want to still work it out with him but I’ll just have to be hard to get I’m guessing. Idk he’s super immature for an almost 30 year old.

[@chinadoll534]

Well at least he’s almost 30. Imagine dealing with 50 and 60 year olds like that. Crazy AF

[@bikiblond]

Elliot is hot, I like this hoodie 😊

[@KatalinaKristina]

Will this still work if he sees my social media everyday?

[@bujitea8522]

Does this implys “blocking” ? Does it includes blocking him while he watches from afar?

[@chinadoll534]

Blocking him only shows anger, emotions and that makes his ego bigger. Just go silence. Dont get mad and block him, just don’t talk to him. That hurts him more than blocking him.

[@BlondieRoyale-NC-4]

I met this guy in church. It’s nothing but small talk but I think he likes me. Do I ignore him??

[@waterlilynymph]

No. You only go no contact, if he does something to hurt you or ignores you. Get to know the new guy and have fun! Maybe you won’t have to use no contact. Usually it’s on particularly avoidant or emotionally unavailable men not really courting you.

[@chinadoll534]

Girl get to know him. How do you expect to get into a serious relationship? 😂

[@Loverofartsandmusic]

I caught him dating other women and he has been boasting his experiences with them in a yt channel. I told him how im sick reading it. I was so angry that I stepped back and did not look at my messages and I got tired, I stopped expecting him to be better. I was feeling okay after day 3 or 4, checked and he blocked me. He sent me a message then and probably wondering why I didnt respond 🤣😆😆😆 good riddance

[@Trex7124]

Hmmm.. What is wrong with a dry spell..?

[@roselereau6981]

So it’s wrong to want commitment before being physical?

[@pam164]

That's what i want before physical, but even then, they can fake that and still do dirty on youn

[@chrissymullins1579]

He needs to legitimately court you before being intimate.

[@anon_ya]

There is nothing wrong with having standards and self respect / self protection.

[@ngoddess9684]

Not sleeping with him for months is the best thing you can do. It increases a man's love hormone vasopressin and gets him addicted to you. This is based in science. Never give it up until you have secured what you believe you deserve.

[@ymeddinsye]

If he’s not my man he can’t get my goodies. If he acts up we’re breaking up. Period.

[@SarahbethMinter-zp6pj]

What if your mouth triggers him like if you get viscious with things and curse him out and talk down to him bc ur so angry ? Im so confused

[@chinadoll534]

Don’t do it. Going off will only give him more power over you. Go silence. I know it’s hard to do, but believe me going silence is powerful. It keeps you in check and keeps him wondering if he messed up

[@phoenixmode6909]

Anyway, it appears most men will lie to you, overwhelm you with gifts, and tell you anything you want to hear, just to get in your pants. I have been pretty close to throwing myself at my current person, because the tension between us has been palpable for months.....yet he hasn't stepped up the timeline at all. So I'm glad I didn't give up the goods after all, no matter how badly I wanted to. Wet both free and way past 21, he could have taken action too, after all. But it appears he can't even be bothered to spend time with me, in spite of all his lovely confessions and actions. Yes, words should match actions.....but there've been more words than actions, so I'm done.

[@chinadoll534]

You go girl. Loving 🥰 your energy and strength

[@Beautifullysaid]

So don't answer text or phone call than?

[@danilaroche1156]

I'd be polite and see what he says. If he wants to try again..take it slow and don't sleep with him!

[@valengracevalenzuela522]

Wht if he see the photos. Or IG story during no contact

[@SerenityDreaming]

Tell the ladies about how when we tell y'all about how badly the last jerks treated us, y'all take our painful traumatic stories as parameters for how much you're allowed to do. How women focus on demonstrating how much crap they endured thinking men will see it as strength the way our friends do, when we should be telling stories about how we cut y'all the F off and never looked back early so men won't risk us doing the same to y'all.

[@ceyciemateo9411]

He never talks about your silence in the video. It’s just a scolding session

[@marylou1726]

So fucking true…

[@Beautifullysaid]

Silence there beheind

[@Nono38-jj1tk]

Someone doesn't want the secret to get out. I'll have to make a video about Vasopressin on my channel since my comment about Vasopressin got deleted. I've been wanting to start a new channel anyways.

[@steph6109]

The secret isn't vasopressin, women have and bond on that psthway too. The 'secret' is the average man can't access oxytocin or those pathways. Which essentially means men cannot love.

[@Nono38-jj1tk]

​@@steph6109Vasopressin is the key to getting a man to bond with you. A woman bonds more with a man during and after int3rcours3. A man bonds with a woman when she withholds s3x and makes him work to court her and get to know her. I unknowingly discovered this. I had no idea what Vasopressin was or the function it played until I researched articles and authors in the scientific community.

[@CeciledeLuire]

@@steph6109 😲Who does research on this?

[@summersalix]

@@steph6109wow, that’s quite sad. No wonder most marriage fail

[@Beautifullysaid]

Lol😂this a dame shame but it's real😢

[@ceyciemateo9411]

You never answer the question in your thumbnail

[@isabelsmith109]

Lmao😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@randyholliday5626]

Y'all think an attractive successful man with options is going to be worried about you lgnoring him? He's going to move to The next chick

[@laetitia9652]

No,one cares. Ignoring him means we’re not interested! So a high value woman with options can careless.