My Story: Borderline Personality Disorder & Semicolon Project Tattoo | Ellko

[@SofiaStyled]

I admire how you're not afraid to share the intimate details of your life with us. It's incredibly brave of you to face your struggles and to share it with us. I am so inspired! There is such a stigma toward mental health, but I believe we can break it down starting with small actions. If more people made videos about their mental health struggles, people would feel more comfortable talking about it and seeking help when necessary. So happy I subbed and met you!!

[@GigiMroz]

Sofia!!!!!

[@jadeow7502]

oh hey sofia!

[@bethck4549]

I HAVE BPD TOO. It's definitely not a good thing, but it's amazing to hear someone else's story. I'm so proud of you for continuing to work hard to stay healthy. From one "borderline buddy" to another stay strong and I love you!

[@mevrouwroos]

I have it too! It's 'nice' to hear someone talk about it because that doesn't happen too often. I hope you are having a nice day ♡

[@kylerlewis8996]

it's so nice to know I'm not the only one going through this disorder

[@bentonchloe5177]

+Kyler Lewis thought I was the only one feeling these struggles I always thought when I got diagnosed with bpd no one even knew what it was! It needs to be well known and people need to appreciate our struggles compared to an average person! X

[@kylerlewis8996]

+100%Unicorn Definitely! Having to explain what it is every time is difficult & then people still don't really understand it!

[@witchf4ce310]

People don't get what she means with "flairup" she means the depression and the emptiness etc is stronger than usual which does happen. I'm diagnosed w bpd and sometimes it's worse than other times.

[@mandilindsey4952]

My brother was diagnosed with a personality disorder about a month ago and this video helped me so much with understanding what he is going through and why he acts the way he has been acting for so long. thank you for this video!! it really touched home for me!! :)

[@LyndseyLou412]

DBT SAVED MY LIFE. I also have BPD (in addition to ADHD) and went through a few weeks of IOP about 4 or 5 years ago utilizing DBT and it literally saved me. At that point in my life I was between jobs, I was in an unhealthy relationship, and I was just a general mess. Now I have a super stable job, I'm happily married, and my life couldn't be going any better. I use the skills I learned in DBT almost every day, and I couldn't be more thankful.

[@actsofkindness4779]

I don't have BPD, but several of the symptoms you talked about are present in my struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You're so right that it's important to bring awareness to mental illness and remove the stigma attached to the struggles that bring so many people to places that can seem unbearable and downright impossible to deal with sometimes. Thanks for being brave and sharing.

[@photobuglisa26]

I have PTSD as well. Thanks for sharing!

[@alyc8709]

+ActsOfKindness I am a therapist and you may want to speak with a doctor because several symptoms of BPD overlap with PTSD so it is possible to have both. You can get more information if you google "Biosocial Theory of BPD" by Marsha Linehan (creator of DBT)! Good luck!!

[@BeingNancy]

+photobuglisa26 I have PTSD. I was an attempted homicide victim..

[@alyc8709]

+Nancy Joll-Ramirez i am so sorry you had to experience that. it is possible to have both. ptsd can trigger bpd symptoms. just saying. you know you though!!

[@photobuglisa26]

+Nancy Joll-Ramirez I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Mine was triggered by an abusive relationship.

[@apple4tammy]

I am in constant awe of the young people on KZbin who are so honest and just putting it out there for everyone in such a mature, positive way! I found you through that soda rinse video that went all viral and such. Such a great channel- I am now binge-watching shamelessly. :) Stay strong, and keep on being awesome!

[@katherinewoods9711]

I have never sat through an entire 20 minute video and not skipped anything until now. Thanks for informing me Ellie, good luck with BPD; hope you feel better. ;)

[@bethanysian4387]

I'm so glad you have Shard your story. I suffer with BPD and have always felt so alone but this has made me feel so much better. x

[@MSkris316]

I am so happy that you shared your story. I have dealt with crippling anxiety and depression since childhood and it's VERY difficult for me to talk about it. most of the time I don't say anything because it's so frustrating to describe how I'm feeling because sometimes I don't have words for it. I'm so grateful for people that tell their stories because it lets me know that I'm not alone. Thank you Ellie :)

[@NikiMurphy]

I am so proud of you Ellie. I know how hard this was for you and how exposed it makes you feel. It doesnt matter how many times you fall. What matters is how many times you get back up!! You have so many people in your corner and I am definitely one of them! I cant wait to see you in October and just hug you for so long! I'm seriously so proud of you on every level. I hope so many see this and really hear what your saying. Love u my friend. xoxo

[@MiniMeeshie]

I can't wait to hug both of you 💗

[@saraandleyla7630]

+MiniMeeshie I love your channel

[@akinderwayblog6143]

Sharing your story takes major courage. I never self harmed, but I was diagnosed with OCD about 10 years ago. Talking, sharing and hearing others talk about their journey through or with mental illness is the answer. Shining light on this topic takes away some of it's power. Be proud of your contribution to that! (and great big hugs for doing this!)

[@rominaluisi8509]

Saw the whole video. You are SO brave and such an example to everyone out there. Even though most of us don't really know you in person we support you and we'll always be here for you! you are an awesome person! Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@WhiteRabbit1209]

my sister in law has bpd, so I have a good sense of what you are going through. I wish there was something I could say, something enlightening. but all I can offer is advice. do what you did today, and talk about your feelings with your friends and family. get it all out, that way you can receive support and encouragement from everyone you love. feel very proud of what you've accomplished, and keep your chin up. hope your flare up is over very soon.

[@harkerbeauty101]

I commend you for speaking about something so personal and being open and honest about it. I've suffered with depression for years, and while our situations are very different I have relate to what you've been dealing with. My mom always tells me awareness is acceptance and I appreciate you for sharing your knowledge and experience with us. Love you sweet friend!

[@ciaraphoenix3880]

I just wanna say I struggle with depression and anxiety and I am going in a week to get my semicolon tattoo because you inspired me to keep my story going ad's I just wanna thank you for that

[@mmericle0227]

You are truly remarkable! I know exactly how you feel. I know that some days you don't even want to get out of bed or even move for that matter. I have struggled with depression for years and I struggled with self harm for 10 years. I have currently not self harmed for a year and to help with that I got two tattoos on my wrist where I most cut. I chose not get the semi colon but something else. Every time I get depressed or I upset or think about self harming, I look at my tattoos and it reminds me how far I have come. I have also decided to major in psychology to help others with mental illness as well. I have had great therapist throughout the years and would love to help others as well.

[@oliviawall9079]

Stay strong❤️ I know how you feel

[@kathulhurises]

Been diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder for 5 and a half years now. It started when I was 11 (or 12?). I do have anchors on both sides of my ankles to keep me grounded. They were both drawn in 2008 by a friend of mine who committed suicide in 2012. One is not grounded and black and represent my friend and the other one is grounded and has two bubbles, because of my two suicide attempts and because they luckily failed. These tattoos rarely open conversations, but whenever they do, I feel comfortable to talk about it. I will eventually get more mental illness/bpd related tattoos, probably a semicolon too. I really do appreciate that you put yourself out there for all of us. I know all of the struggles. Keep being wonderful!

[@muxloe5212]

Hi Ellie, this really hit home with me. I was diagnosed with borderline last year so I understand the difficulties. I stopped myself from self harming earlier this year and I'm going through such a rough patch lately and I'm so terrified of relapsing into another self harm addiction. You give me confidence in myself though and I can't thank you enough for that, I'm so grateful that you can bring yourself to talk about this because it is incredibly beneficial for me 💙 I'm going to go and check out the semicolon project now. P. S. Your hair is looking fab 😉

[@BPDCommunity]

Hope you are going well 💜

[@elliemillls]

Hey Ellie, its Ellie here ! I've only just been diagnosed with borderline, have felt this way for quite sometime and i am struggling. I'm one to hold in all my feelings and i never open up to anyone, because i just don't know how. But watching this honestly has given me hope for a better future and given me the advice i need. Just wanted to mention how brave I think you are for coming out of your shell and telling the world your story! You go girl!! The tattoo also sounds like a great idea, and I'm looking into the semicolon project as we speak! Thank you so much for sharing this, knowing you've gotten through this and still are after years, to live a normal life, means theres hope for me too xxxx

[@ElizabethLyddiatt]

I'm crying. Thank you so much for sharing your story Ellie. And don't be sorry for not making videos because taking care of yourself is more important. And because you have talked about this, it has opened my own mind to even get myself checked. I've never self harmed, but I've had extreme depression. We love you. Elkofam for life. xoxo

[@Malintorresocasio]

I love how down to earth you are. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Lately I've been having episodes of BPD. Not knowing how to control my emotions, feeling unworthy. Talking about depression and suicide has made me lose most of my friends. I guess you find out who your real friends are when you go thru struggles others can't understand. I've been called a coward and a loser for wanting to end my life. I've been told I am seeking attention, negative, boring when I speak of my depression. It's very hard when you feel so much but others consider you to be making it up in order to get attention when all you want is to be heard before it's too late. I'm proud of you for speaking up.... You inspire me.

[@170hope]

I completely appreciate you posting this video. I have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety for a long time but always felt like there was something else going on. I had an amazing therapist but sadly she had to move out of state (like across the country). The guy I have now is okay but I don't feel like I can really talk to him. Now I have something that I can ask him about and see if maybe this is why there are days when I just want to crawl under the covers and forget it ever happened. Or times when I am sitting in a room smiling, happy and all the sudden just want to run away and cry for no good reason. I thank you for being so brave and not only posting this video but leaving it up. You are an AMAZING person. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@Hannah-dc4xr]

I was diagnosed about 5 years ago with BPD. I'm having a really rough time with it right now and I'm feeling so hopeless.

[@andistepoutside]

This made me cry. I was recently diagnosed with BPD and your openness and shamelessness is so moving right now as I'm in the depths of my struggle. Thank you.

[@kendallyoung5676]

You look really pretty in this video your hair and face wow.

[@tempesttrobinson5866]

Kendall Young I

[@shellymcclure6641]

I want to thank you for posting this video. I have bpd with anxiety and depression and I am glad to know that Im not alone. Its awesome that you had the courage to talk about your struggle while you were having a flare up. You have inspired me.

[@marandabell3800]

if I could like this a million times I would. Thank you for putting into words what I myself have battled with my whole life, and so many others are dealing with themselves. You are a true inspiration! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being you. You're such a beautiful soul!!

[@abbieengland5259]

U look so pretty in this video!i love u and your such an inspiration.

[@megsandbacon5702]

I was about to say that

[@katie3741]

+Mirbbie Same, I was going to say she looks so pretty

[@sarahdurant4973]

I never comment on youtube videos, but I wanted to tell you I really appreciate and admire you for making this video. I'm a pediatric social worker who regularly sees young people dealing with mental illness, self harm behavior, and suicidal ideation. I truly think the best thing we can do for one another is openly speaking about these things so people can feel comfortable reaching out for help. I think it's amazing that you are opening up about your experience and are encouraging others to open up about what they are experiencing.

[@MsKallys]

Thanks for talking about everything, honesty and openness helps so much. I completely understand being depressed but being able to know that nothing is really warranting the feeling. Being at a point where you can recognize what is going on in your head vs you life is hard but it does help. I hope it just keeps getting better and easier to get over the speed bumps or as my family calls them "blips" in life. ❤️

[@sarahh.7038]

I started cutting when I was 14 I started burning when I was 17 and now I'm 18 and I'm a few days away from being 5 months clean from cutting and I'm 6 months clean from burning. I was bullied all through out schooling elementary school through high school. College is so much better than high school people don't judge me. And I've always been a bigger person so I also have had problems with my self and other people judging me for my size. Ohh… I also made it to the end of the video.

[@binky1862]

I hope you realize what an amazing inspirational person you are. That is absolutely amazing. I hope you make it to 6 and 7 months completely clean.

[@user-sk8ds3iz8u]

You are a really great person and I am so immensely proud of you!! You can achieve great things in life and I'm sure you will! Never give up and stay amazing!!

[@voodookitty2137]

+Sam Henders Well done for making it this far, you are stronger then you even know! amitting you have an issue with self harm is the frist step. I hope you don't mind me asking but, are you getting help and surport? It can be tough on your own. xxx

[@chloewells181]

What does it mean burning? (Sorry if this comes across rude I was just wondering)

[@voodookitty2137]

Burning is just what it say'a sadly. It is another form of selfarm, and all selfharm is hard to stop. (not rude to ask, if you arn't sure.)

[@annasophiabebe]

ellie, you're so beautiful. I am thankful that you are still here, and thank you for sharing your story. My sister was also recently diagnosed with BPD. As a sister, it has been hard watching my sister struggle, even though we've offered her help and tried to get her to understand she is not alone in this battle. Thankfully, she has now realized the severity of it and has agreed to receiving help. i know there is hope for her, and that she can live a more wholesome and strength filled life. Thanks once again for sharing your story.

[@DevonEtAl]

THANK YOU! I just got out of treatment for borderline. A lot of people stigmatize borderline. And a lot of people seem to think it's a hopeless cause. It's so inspiring seeing someone doing so well who has borderline (: Thank you so, so, so much for this video. It's exactly what I needed to stumble across today!!

[@Luvmylookalikes]

It takes a lot of bravery to make a video like this. You are spreading the word and informing those of us who don't know about this and too are helping those who struggle. Stay strong you are a beautiful soul

[@elizabethknaub6740]

You are so strong. I'm so glad you're here. You are beautiful inside and out and have an impact on so many people! Thank you for sharing your story, it's so inspiring to see where you are now. ❤️

[@Rainingkittiesnpuppies]

Thank you so much for having the courage to speak up about this. I hate the stigma that mental illnesses carry because like you said, the number one thing that can help sometimes is just opening up to at least another person. I know that having that support is what saved me but not everybody is so lucky. So thanks again.

[@photobuglisa26]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are so brave! I struggle with depression and anxiety and PTSD from an abusive relationship I was in. The struggle is real. I agree that mental illness is something that needs to be talked about. There are so many people suffering in silence. I think a lot of people are embarrassed to talk about it, but sharing your story is part of the healing process.

[@nikka501]

You're such an amazing woman, and an inspiration to people who might be struggling and in a similar position. Your subscribers love you, and we totally understand if you need time off to make sure you're okay. You just radiate warmth in all of your videos, even when you are struggling to cope. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with us. It just makes us root for you even more. You have a whole lot of people here who care about you.

[@Dee33300]

Ellie you are a super strong, beautiful, amazing person. I suffer from a plethora of mental illnesses such as Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression, Bulimia and may also have BPD. I am glad to hear you advocating for raising awareness for mental illness. Right now I am in the process of trying to find a new therapist but I can't seem to find one I like. I am glad though that you found a good therapist and also have a great support system. Keep being you! ❤️

[@JessicaHouseknecht]

I have PTSD from a traumatic event from my childhood. You are awesome for talking about and being open about the experiences of your past.

[@mecreativebee]

You are so amazing! I've been diagnosed for depression/anxiety/borderline for 8 years & I think that we have to talk about this more. To help others. Thank you for sharing! Love you!

[@rebortiz28]

I just wanted to say that you are my inspiration, Ellie. I suffer from major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, and panic attacks. I have been suffering in silence you could say for about 2-3 years, and I finally decided to talk about it and get it out there. I felt like a bother if I opened up about what was happening. all of these things in combination make it so hard to live a 'normal' life, especially when I have a flare up. I get angry, irritable, panicky, and so many more terrible things. I am normally such a happy and bubbly person, so this is all a huge difference. I have been going to therapy and using natural remedies and I am feeling so much better. I wanted to say that you are a huge inspiration to me with my 'mental illness', especially when I am having a flare up, and I can't thank you enough, Ellie! & I want to get a semi colon tattoo for my 18th birthday..

[@melainal415]

Thank you for sharing your story, I was diagnosed with having clinical depression/bipolar last year, I have been struggling with it since I was 11 (I'm almost 20 now) I've been self harm free for 471 days, it does get easier to cope, of course I still have those thoughts but when I don't give into the thoughts I feel so much stronger, you inspire me so much, watching your videos has helped me so much!

[@zook717]

Thank you for sharing your story - I just started following you and am so amazed and impressed with your words. It does get better - and I"m glad you're taking the time you need to heal and be better.

[@bunnyjanie]

Thanks for sharing this with us. I've struggled with self harm and you described it so well! Hang in there, we'll always be here for you :)

[@angelharriman7536]

elli, thank you for telling your story..my son is 24 and has been struggling with bypolar depression since he was 11 you telling your story made him open up and not feel alone I watch your videos there all great but this one is a God sent hugs and strength to you..

[@voodookitty2137]

I was diegnosed with bpd 16-17yrs ago now and am still learning everyday. It is hard to live with, but you do learn little copeing mackanisums. Glade you have felt able to talk about your experance, it show you have excapted the fact you are boarderline, and that is the hardest step. I spent yrs in denial and that made it worse, mental illness is still quite the tuboo subject, glad there are pepole now talking openly about it. I wish you all the best on this journey, there will be rough times but try to take them one day and a time. And remeber "this to shall pass."

[@ally_bally6728]

I've just come across this video and I think you are so brave and I'm glad your journey has brought you to where you are now because you seem good with it. Thank you for sharing and trying to help others by doing this. I've suffered a few times from depression and suicide attempts/thoughts and still struggle at times. I don't feel so alone now. Thank you. You're an inspiration to me.

[@CasperOliver]

It's so nice hearing others talking about BPD. As someone who has it as well. Also, the whole "hard being bigger than your friends"- that's' what I've been struggling with here recently. They don't tease me about it, but it makes me feel so bad, especially when looking at photos and videos of myself with them.

[@savyrivera2208]

I always watch your "hack or whack" videos and I never would've guessed you have BPD. I was just looking up BPD videos on youtube because I've been really noticing mine and feeling really alone about it and it makes me feel so much better that somebody whom I adore is having the same issues as me. Thank you so much for uploading this video.

[@jordanseeger7671]

Thank you so much for opening up about this, I think that so many of us are so afraid to admit our problems for fear of judgment. I just wanted to say that you are so brave and so inspiring for making this video and giving all of us hope. I am so grateful that I can look up to someone like you who is strong and inspring.

[@susie8683]

Ellie, you're my favorite KZbinr and I know you can get through this. Stay strong and thinking about you ❤️

[@tiffanytucker7225]

I really appreciate how hard it had to be to share this. I have depression and anxiety and I know I need therapy, but there are bills to help pay and mouths to help feed and my illnesses make me feel like I should come second behind my sisters and brothers. I self-harmed for almost four years. I'm 21 now and I've been clean almost a year because I've found an amazing support system in friends. In August of last year I got a tattoo of a heart with wings on my left forearm with Stay Beautiful framing it. That's the first spot I ever hurt myself and it helps me to remember I don't deserve that pain. Thank you so much for sharing your story and inspiring me to be brave enough to share mine.

[@starducky72]

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal. That took some amazing courage, and I am sure it is going to help many people. You are amazing and hang in there, you have a lot a people supporting you. Big HUGS! from Missouri.

[@maryomen3841]

Thanks for sharing, Ellie. I have chronic depression with some anxiety. Knowing that other people are struggling does help. Keep hanging in there.

[@StaceyLeeDIYs]

I think it is so awesome that you worked up the courage to talk about this! You are honestly one of my favorite KZbinrs. I love that you can relate to so many different people. I'm not sure if you realize how many different kinds of people can relate to different parts of your life. I hope to be able to collaborate with you someday! Thanks for sharing your story!

[@elleannab3801]

Thank you for making this video ellie. I was diagnosed with bpd and ptsd at 16, and it's really hard for people to understand. I think/hope this video will help people understand. Thank you.

[@AnnKaei]

I love that you have confidence to talk open about you're past, your illness and how you are getting through life! You ate a big inspiration. You make me smile and you make me cry. I can't feel your pain but I have idea of what it's like. life isn't easy but you can make it less hard for yourself but letting people help you. Thanks for the time you are spending making your videos and thanks for being so you! You are amazing!

[@aleramirez4209]

Hey, im kind of new in your channel, and I just saw your video, and i was surprised how you expressed how Bpd feels like. I was diagnosed about a year ago, and I can relate to your story. Im so glad you can talk about it the way we all want to tell people how it works! Really, I hope you can keep up the good work you're doing

[@BPDCommunity]

💜💜

[@dr.katieburns8577]

Thank you for having the courage to share your story about such a deep/personal topic on youtube. Your video is definitely instrumental for others in becoming educated about BPD, but also for those who have BPD to relate to and to not feel alone.

[@mojosandwich5976]

@Ellko, I just wanted to thank your for this, this is raw and sincere and very identifiable for me (and I'm sure for may others). I wish I could "come out" like you, I really think that seeing that there are others like you is very comforting and inspiring.

[@NorseButterfly]

I'm so glad I found this video! I don't have BPD, but I do fight anxiety and depression...thank you chronic pain! My first butterfly tattoo of my arm sleeve is a semi colon. I started recording my own vids because I couldn't find any positive ones that show people who fight invisible illnesses actually living life. At the age of 45, I'm still trying to figure out how my life is going to work now that I can't physically work. Stay strong! You GOT this!!

[@jenniebills1253]

I have BPD. I was diagnosed in 2011. I'm currently 2 weeks into an episode, as I call it. It's so nice to hear someone talk about it and know that they understand even when the people in my life can't comprehend how I feel. I've spent the past 3 days taking every bit of energy in my body to not self harm. The only good thing about BPD is that I know that it will get better. I won't feel like this for the rest of my life. It's just a bad day, week, or month. Thank you for making this video. #teamBPD

[@alessandrabeauty8777]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR HAIR IN THIS VIDEO IT LOOKS REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!! What did you do to make it look that way? Love you Ellie!!!!!!

[@Einahhh]

I appreciate this video so much. Also, your hair looks LOVELY. I mean it always looks lovely but it just looks especially lovely in this video.

[@jessicapemberton1497]

You are very strong and brave for being able to talk about your illness. The world needs to understand more about mental illness and how to help people who have one. Thanks for taking a positive step forward to help all of us suffering with a mental illness!

[@egs-zs8-184]

Love love love this video! Thank you so much for your honesty! I identify with your story so much, and have had many of the same struggles. Things really do get better! The dark times won't last; there is always hope and help. Just talk to someone you love and trust!!

[@KimberlyDieterlBearBeauty13]

It's so amazing to hear your story, not a lot of people would share theirs. I also have a mental illness known as Bipolar 1 Disorder, and so does my husband. It's put a strain on my relationship with my husband, but we always work it out. Seeing your story and how happy you are now, makes me feel that it will get better, it may take some time but it will get better. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@locksley_9145]

I really appreciate you uploading this. It must have been difficult but it really will help those feeling the same way. Good on you for doing this and starting a conversation! xxx

[@jenniferrodgers506]

Thank you for being so candid and sharing this. You are so beautiful and brave; and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. I also struggle with BPD as well as depression/anxiety/substance abuse (though I do a pretty good job riding the denial train for each of these). I've been going through a particularly hard time recently and was even having some serious suicidal thoughts tonight. Hearing your story and how well you are doing has given me the courage to call a hotline after I finish writing this post. I think I want to make it to see my own semicolon tattoo. Stay strong! We can kick some BPD butt!

[@AshDawn]

You are such an inspiration. You are incredibly brave for sharing your story with us. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder around December of 2014 after I had my first panic attack. Dealing with anxiety, I have a love/hate relationship with myself everyday but just like you said, there are days where I am incredibly happy and joyful and love the world for what it is but lately, I have had anxiety flare ups as well, and it sucks. I am constantly in this state of mind that everything is my fault and if I feel like I am not in control of a situation, I just lose all my sanity and sense of logic and it puts a strain on my relationships. There are days where I don't want to talk to anyone, and I just want to be left alone. I am so shy about my anxiety because talking about it makes me feel like a failure and defeated but remembering how far I've come and all the scars I have from my past, I realize how strong it's made me. Is it fun to talk about? Absolutely not. But sharing ours stories will motivate and help others to speak up when the absolutely need to. I've never left such a long comment. I was just really touched by your video, and you inspired me to get a semicolon tattoo.

[@Douliette]

that was super moving, and brave, and really, thank you for sharing this! talking about mental illnesses with friends really does help, when i discovered what social anxiety is (it's not something that's very big in France) it was a huuge thing for me, and talking about it to friends made them realise they were suffering from it too, and that was a turning point for us! anyways, i'm glad that you can stay away from self harm, it's a really big thing! keep un the good work and try to talk about your feelings little by little 💜

[@katieguillory4272]

I was diagnosed is severe depression and anxiety last year. I got the words "stay gold" with a sunset and a semicolon at the end of it. so proud of you. ♡

[@morgankatelynn8699]

Ellie you're so strong and so inspiring! You're amazing Ellie, jeep kicking life's ass and pushing through. Stay strong

[@hope2nou95]

Ellie I suffer from severe depression it could be more it's undiagnosed.Both my son and brother are bipolar.My son cuts.I wanted so much to try making videos but am so self conscious about my appearance and afraid I wouldn't take trolls well or to personal.I literally spent 3 years in bed during my worst.I gained 80 lbs. I know I haven't been diagnosed but I no I have severe depression at least. I am ashamed to go to the doctor and get help. I don't want to admit to myself I am weak. Videos like this are making me think maybe it's ok to go to the doctor.I'm always scared to disappoint people and when things are good I'm always afraid it will end anytime.I sleep allot to keep from worrying about things.Thanks for the video.Know your struggle had a purpose and you are helping people with every breath you take.

[@alice705]

You are not weak, the people who don't think about these kind of thoughts and assume it will just get better are weak, you are an amazing person who has probably helped someone by writing this comment and honestly expressing your feeling and that makes you a lot stronger than most. I know you know this but doctors are there to help, they aren't there to judge just to make your life a little more manageable, and maybe if you don't want to talk to someone who knows you personally a help line could be useful? as its anonymous and it may make you feel less stress and scared to disappoint people. Whatever you decide even if it is to wait it out a little longer, just choose to do what you want and not what anyone else says

[@hope2nou95]

+Alice Wathen That was such a kind thing to say to me.Made me smile.Thank you and I know Ellie appreciates your support too.

[@ChickieK8T]

+hope2nou95 I wish you luck and support. Def get help. depression is a chemical imbalance that a doctor can help you feel so much better. good luck!

[@alice705]

hope2nou95 Aww thankyou I was only telling the truth :)

[@marisabel1627]

+hope2nou95 if you feel really self conscious, you don't need to record yourself. you could do voice overs and have some images in the background.

[@krystallayne9214]

Ellie, thank you for being so courageous and doing this video. You are amazing and I love you! Praying for you always.

[@noworriesnailart]

I love how you put this personal thing out in the open Ellie. A lot of people have the same or similar situation and I think that with you being open and talking about it will help someone to get the help they need. I will definitely be reading up on the Semicolon Project. I love your tattoo of the semicolon (and the teeth as well). Keep on keeping on and know that we (your fans) are here supporting you and each other. Love you!!!

[@2writeluvonherarms00]

About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and was put on meds. Since then I've gotten worse. The medication never worked my moods were either really good or really bad. I isolated myself from everyone and have had a hard time with any sort of relationship. I just stopped taking my meds and have found out that I was incorrectly diagnosed. I've watched many videos on BPD and some of them were full of nothing but terrible/negative opinions on the illness and it really was bringing me down about myself as a person. That was until I found this video. Thank you for speaking about this and bringing a more positive light to the BPD community

[@kellyraygor7063]

love you Ellie! Your such an inspiration. So happy for you that you are continuing your hard work to stay healthy!

[@musicus0099]

Thank you for sharing your story, Ellie. Thank you, thank you

[@jamiegallion5248]

I also have BPD, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and dermatillomania (which is OCD skin picking). I want to thank you for sharing your story. By coming out and sharing we all make mental illness a little less scary for everyone and start to break down those stigmas. I also went through DBT, and that's where I first heard the saying about the lotus; the lotus is a flower that grows in the mud, the thicker and deeper the mud the more beautiful the flower blossoms. You are a beautiful lotus, keep growing, we are all works in progress.

[@Known.Mailgmail.comBrown]

thank you so much for sharing your I also have bpd, depression and anxiety. It has been a hard road most people have a hard time understanding. It takes courage to put yourself out there like that thanks again

[@anicania]

Thank you for sharing / helping people who would benefit with your message. On another note, you are glowing!!

[@perrylynnw]

so proud of you for sharing your story! I've been through a DBT program too, and it's actually not only used for borderline! I went for a plethora of symptoms, and met so many wonderful people. now, literally all but one of my friends are from group haha! I'm planning on getting a semicolon on my wrist when I'm old enough, as I love the movement and what it has done. you're such an inspiration to me, I really hope I can grow to be as strong as you are:) much love!

[@EmilyBoone]

Wow! Thank you for this video! Last year I became very depressed and had suicidal thoughts, I have a lot of people in my family that suffer from anxiety. I have been to the doctor a few times and all they say is that I need to relax. I was depressed for a long time and finally something clicked in me and I felt fine. But about two weeks ago, I guess as you said it just flared up again. I have panic attacks all the time now and I am super depressed. I am really trying not to totally fall back into it but its really hard and I have no one to talk to about it. This video was very helpful, and I am really glad you decided to share it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[@MoniLove68]

I don't have bpd and I have never thought about self-harm but I have felt depressed for no apparent reason at all. I can tell you that most of what you said in this video relates to me. I do feel like I have nobody to talk to and nobody that relates to me and it makes me super depressed but I'm glad that you posted this video because it really made me realize some things. Thank you very much. You are an inspiration and I love you very much. 💕

[@highsadie]

i just recently found out i have borderline personality disorder. at first i didnt know why i was acting this way, but i understand now, and its good to know that other people have it and im not the only one dealing with it. goodluck to you dealing with it!

[@livelaughmusic1017]

I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago, but kind of put the thought aside because it wasn't really something I wanted to think about. This video reminded me about that, I realized that there's a reason for these things I keep doing. I feel so much relief right now, thank you.

[@Xxmilkshake202xX]

I feel so proud and happy for you. I also feel very honored that you opened up to us. We love you!

[@jpeg42069]

Thank you for putting up a video that I've been scared shitless to talk about. I have BPD as well. It's scary. Some people aren't very understanding of it. It's nice to not feel so alone. Thank you.

[@Melsie2023]

:) I'm glad you share this. I remember watching videos of people that talked about getting better. It really is a motivation because you don't feel alone. Thank you!

[@KyLives]

Your lotus flower story is beautiful. I really like how you talk more about how you have learned ways to cope with your issues yourself and you are independent now and able to deal with everything. That's a lot more helpful and inspiring I feel than people advocating help seeking to the point where it sounds like a broken record. You still told people to ask for help but you first showed them the benefits that come from going to get help and finding a good therapist etc. I'm definitely going to be keeping the conversation going but I could definitely use a lot more support. I've just started a project highlighting the realities of mental health. In Australia, the help simply isn't there. We don't have beds for kids since the budget cuts in 2012. Kids are being sent home when they go to the hospital having suicidal episodes. It is really hard to change the public perception of mental illness, which is the actual illness, the stigma. With understanding, mental disorders are not a "problem" but just a difference in experience for the individual.

[@JessicaCapela]

I'm a psychologist and I have to thank you for this video and for sharing your story. A lot of people still don't know how REAL and (sometimes) painful it is to have a mental illness. Keep being strong. :)

[@jenbyrne1683]

I've just found your channel and I have been diagnosed with the same thing. I am in my forties, and it's something that impacts every relationship I've been in which causes very extreme loneliness. Thank you for bringing to light this disorder. The self harm does minimize worth age I've found but self destructive behavior doesn't go away. For me its manifested into sexual encounters. I struggle everyday. So thank you again for speaking honestly about this

[@felisblue8812]

Hey Ellie, I can totally relate to your story, especially the part about not being able to reach out and ask for help or talk about your feelings during the bad times. What really helped me with that was having a second, closed twitter account, where only a few people i trust und who can relate to my problems can read what I write. It helped me to open up because I feel less exposed than on my open account. I feel safe among those friends but also I don't feel like I'm laying too much on one person, which often kept me from opening up to friends individually. Not to say that this would work for everyone because people and feelings are so different. But for me, it really helped.

[@UlteriorComet]

I was just casually browsing your channel and saw this video and I gasped out loud. Sending love your way from a fellow borderline!

[@LKDelahunty]

I'm not sure when you made this video, but I am so impressed. You are such a brave, strong woman! I am an RN, so I have an "outsider" point of view on what you struggle with, but I also have episodes of extreme anxiety, so I could relate to much of what you said. I think it is super important, just as you said, to talk about mental illness and destroy the stigma that exists in society. You are a phenomenal speaker, and it was very easy to sit and listen to everything you had to say. You would be an amazing public/motivational speaker. You should definitely look into speaking at a TEDTalks! Thank you so much for making this video.

[@rachaelsanxious5724]

I have anxiety and have been off and on medication ( just from being emotional and not remembering ) and I realize how much better I am on medication. When I'm off I see what different and it makes me feel insane to be honest just because I have such a hard time dealing with my emotions. But I am learning more and more each day how to deal with it and I'm getting Better ❤️ thank you for sharing your story! It's good to have a place to openly talk about it!

[@Noffe97]

I have felt just like you for 13 almost 14 years and I'm about to turn 18 in a week. And this is the only time i feel like I might have the answer for why I feel like this all the time. Im in a depression right now and have been for almost 2 weeks now. I have always felt in the way and not wanted and now it is more then ever so you gave me a glimpse of hope that i might figure out what is "wrong" with me. so thank you so so so much for this video!