Episode 83: Allowing Our Anger

Many people have the perception that anger is bad or even a problem. The truth is, anger is a completely healthy and normal emotion to have in our human experience. It’s how we react to our anger that matters. This episode dives into the importance of witnessing and allowing our anger in ways that do not harm ourselves or others, including how to begin having and normalizing conversations with our children on processing anger and emotions.
Join the SelfHealers Circle Waitlist:
theholisticpsy...
BUY HOW TO MEET YOURSELF:
howtomeetyours...
BUY HOW TO DO THE WORK:
www.amazon.com...
Text Us! 215-366-0012
Get my FREE Future Self Journal:
theholisticpsy...

[@stephzitkovich]

Episode request!❤ : How do we release anger? I've been awake and in this practice for a few years now, but in all my healing, I still find that there is anger within me (directly related to my father, from my childhood trauma. He bestowed shame on me and was emotionally unavailable, still is today). I have accepted that he will not change, that I can and do enforce boundaries around how often I see him, that he did the best he could with the tools he had (which are next to none), but still, from time to time, my rage ignites. In my last relationship, I would explode on my partner - something that is very rare for me as a person. I recognize that all past versions of me were expressing all of the anger from over the years, but this is not ok. I don't want to be like this in my next relationship. I've been doing the work of regulating my nervous system, creating a routine for self-care, connecting with my inner child, but my mistake was..honestly abandoning my Self in that last relationship, which caused these rage-fueled explosions. Yes, my partner triggered me, but even as I was aware that I was escalating, I couldn't pull myself back, I couldn't pause, I went for the kill anyway. I won't abandon myself again, but given all of this, I still have rage...I can still feel it there below the surface. How do I heal? How do I *actually* release it?

[@simplysunmoon]

Feels much more the same to me 😵‍💫

[@Pfatschke]

I was wondering the same! This is really a tough one. My thoughts to it: I think the first step is probably to accept that this anger you have was absolutely valid and justified when it evolved, and it still is. It sounds like you already have compassion with yourself, which im sure was hard work. So thats great. Maybe, if it didnt already happen for you, forgiving yourself for these instances youve been exploding might also help. Soo, concrete methods of releasing anger...for me, it helps to give the anger a purpose. For example, i do a lot of painting and "angry painting" does indeed help me to release. It gives completely different results than painting in other ways and i find that intriguing :) so that gives the anger some space where it "makes sense again". I think a lot of people also enjoy running, whilst thinking of the experiences that make them the most angry. Or different kinds of sports, such as boxing. For others, it helps if they listen to very heavy music very loudly and just "act out" to it :) Or maybe journaling out all the rage would be also a way. Or going into the forest and yelling (poor beasts tho :D). Just the examples i can think of right now. But im also still learning, ofc :) What i was wondering: Sometimes, trying to release anger can go "wrong", in the sense that you get all worked up about it and your anger just gets more intense but is not actually released. How can we differentiate if a method actually helps us release, or rather potentiates the anger? Where is the line?

[@fayetriantis3341]

Somatic Imagery helps to connect with and heal anger. Sacred anger is where our boundaries have been violated. We have the right to voice our anger in these situations. "How dare you" type of anger which many of us weren't able to express. Finding our voice helps.

[@Jas7cam]

Thank you for sharing! Your post gave me hope. Here’s to loving ourself and getting better❤

[@elsyjoachin1569]

@Stevie Zitkovich .. thank you for your share, I feel very much the same

[@BookdragonCarina]

Very important episode! I’m personally working on accepting the anger I have towards myself. It’s a constant struggle between trying not to be too hard on myself, but also being frustrated at my own behavior and being angry I won’t do the necessary things to change. But all the while I just don’t let myself feel the emotion, but just push it from one side to the other and back.

[@jillleahy2677]

It's very hard but it's eps like this give us hope we're doing our best keep on going it gets easier ❤

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Forgiveness of self (over and over and over) is very important here. The inner critical voice often has a goal of keeping us from feeling the new vulnerable emotions- it prefers an environment of predictable control, which for many of us sounds like the voice of a shaming, critical parent. Thank you so much for tuning into this episode and for sharing this here. So much resonance in your experience and we appreciate you for sharing

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Choosing to listen and be part of this conversation is proof in itself of your intention, your work, your healing. Thank you for being here, Jill

[@tinabinsc7822]

Oh this episode has been so cathartic and validating for me. I have been binging your channel since coming across you ladies. Thank you for your generosity & efforts to help foster healing for those willing to do the work.

[@cathycastro7932]

I absolutely relate. Thank you for this information. Love the workbook. Have finished and returning to for help to live my life the way I want to. Thank you!! 😍

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So much to celebrate, Cathy!! Thank you for choosing to be here with us all in your healing. It's a gift to have you part of these conversations!

[@simplysunmoon]

I relate a lot too Ladies. Thank you for sharing your experiences I am trying as well but does not seem at the moment possible to avoid all those explosions

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

always celebrating your choice to dive into this conversations and explore in community, simply SunMoon. The work to reroute the explosive moments is done outside of the explosive moments, with small consistent practice. While we can't simply abolish or avoid all of those explosions, we can learn from them in reflection as we practice awareness, compassion and forgiveness (to our Self first and foremost).

[@Royyssbu]

This was great 💙

[@mirjanastojadinovic2534]

Thank you, ladies, so much ❤❤❤ This episode came up at just the right time for me, as these days my body has been crushing under the burden of grieving my father's death, feeling so much sadness and love and anger at the same time,as I have to, just like Je nna said, do soooo much work to recover from decades of b#t of living with emotionally immature and abusive parents. They have both died prematurely, and I both love them so much and grieve their death and feel angry at them for all the mess they created for themselves and for me. Living with a deeply disregulated nervous system is hell. And I don't want my baby son to go through the same thing. I would also like to see an episode on practical tools for releasing anger. ❤❤❤

[@travellearn9547]

What seems challenging on this path for me is - how do I communicate and deal with and have joint conversations with family when they are not inclined to doing the work currently. And when i get angry my tendency is to withdraw or flight from the situation. It leaves the conversation we need to have undone and also I don’t know how to navigate this real issue with them. Expecting them to change is not realistic i know. But how to deal with family who is not yet aware. It feels like they want to talk about “stuff” and if i notice my reaction coming up and need a break it looks like I’m slowing the rest of them down. It feels crappy to be responsible for this. So my question really is how to make space for anger in group situations where some people are aware but others are not aware about nervous system states and trauma such as which anger points at. How to bring awareness and create space yet not overwhelm those people who have never heard or experienced this before?

[@christinecardoza7253]

Beautiful, honest conversation as always. Ty as always, earth angels

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

💚💚 Thank you for being part of it, Christine. Much love to you.

[@delfina6112]

Thank you very much everyone for sharing. It is amazing to feel I'm not the only one feeling anger after trying so hard not to or feeling like the worst person on the planet 😂❤❤❤

[@MsKendra02]

Oh my gosh.. I do the same thing when I’m in conflict. I keep saying things like “I wish I had stayed single!” And I feel like the only way I can regulate myself is to leave.. unfortunately my partner’s core wound is abandonment. I want my relationship to work but I’m feeling less and less optimistic because our core wound reactions are so intense.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Completely understandable, Kendra. We've experienced similar. Having awareness and language for each partner to be able to witness and articulate their own core wounding can be helpful/necessary here. Only with our own awareness and willingness to look and learn can we then communicate and have understanding/compassion for both our responses and our partners. Celebrating you big tie for the awareness you're already sharing here and so grateful you chose to tune in and connect with us in this conversation.

[@jopainting1668]

I doubt that what Jake did was a choice. Not everyone is able to do anything. Not everyone meets someone who can really help us pull out of old patterns. Millionaires aren't self made. Everything is a matter of collaboration, regardless of whether it's in our past or present. None of us are the same. We have different experiences and different needs.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

As much alike as we are different 💚 Thank you for watching and sharing.

[@jillleahy2677]

Once again thank you so much ladies I was wondering why I was so angry but ye have totally enlightened me and everything you said totally connected ❤❤ love ye ladies keep doing your amazing work ❤

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

So glad you've found support here in this episode + community, Jill Thank you for being here. We love you!

[@nenamcgee8423]

Y'all are so amazing. ❤ Anger is so hard to let out and actually feel! These discussions are SO helpful! Thanks ladies, y'all are changing the world.❤

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Honored, Nena! Thank you so much for being part of these conversations and our expanding new world!

[@reformingreality]

Beautiful discussion and awareness, appreciate you both so much. You're paving the way towards a new world 💓

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Thank you for walking the road with us in these conversations, Traventurer! So much love to you.

[@sophiekaran-harwin9234]

Great episode as always!! Jenna, have you read the memoir "The Glass Castle" by Jeanette Walls? It's an incredible book and story and hearing you speak about your childhood, especially in this episode about your mother, the artist, made me think you'd resonate with it a lot. Hugs to both you and Nicole. Been a fan for a long time!!!

[@kidxmoon3509]

I like that nature analogy, really hits that self healer vibe. Sometimes I think we just need to take a deep breath and reset our thinking, when anger spins our thoughts out of control, I always thought it was just the body trying to balance out physiological processes, shortness of breath low-key etc, tension etc whatever is related to anger

[@bluechipcoach]

The peanut butter or some variation of that and post-mortem by the explosive father. The sad but gay mother. This was also very much a version of my childhood. Thank you for speaking your truths with such raw authenticity as always especially the duality of love in the moment of anger was enlightening. Giving us permission to be human and have self-compassion on this healing journey. So many learnings through your stories. Much love and gratitude to you both ❤️ 💕

[@Jas7cam]

Wow wow wow! Thank you so much for this episode ❤️

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Jason! You are most welcome. Thank you, very much, for tuning in and being part of these conversations with us!

[@oliviaricketts8595]

I love your consistent cozy attire!

[@journaling.aw.vlog.37]

March I turned 37 / when you said 36 I was thinking that* I am having a hard time getting older... Almost like a nervous breakdown.. wish there was some way to feel better... My anger controls me most days. I did download the How to meet yourself but I am unmotivated.. Looking forward to every episode on every sunday.

[@SelfHealersSoundboard]

Ashley it's an honor you're tuning in here with us and are choosing to be part of these conversations! Happy happy 37th birthday as well. Cheering you on for choosing your own Self and healing, whatever that may look like for you. Getting older is a true gift and to do so with intentional and increasing awareness (as you've been choosing for yourself) is the foundation for miracles and magic. So much gratitude for your presence, Ashley

[@kidxmoon3509]

Bandanna looks sick btw Nicole frank oveannvibe

[@kidxmoon3509]

Frank ocean vibes*