everything is overwhelming

[@TrulyBS-QJ]

There are no victims, there are no innocent, for respecting humanity comes with having value. If it is worthless or obsolete, it is an it. It can't suffer. It can't feel. It can be threatened and punished into silence. It, it's existance, is not one's problem to preserve or respect. Outside of immediate uses, there is no reason to interact with it, give it what it needs to stay alive and sane and stable and safe. It is entitled to not receiving wrath until it has incurred it, thats all. I can be outside my whole life where everyone else is, and outside of times of being picked on, be completely invisible. No relationships, only tormentors interact with me. And that is how work and elementary and everything in between blends together. And that is logical. And that is fair. And that is widespread. And that may even be ancient. But it sucks. Balls. Today was a weekend day. I lied in bed all day. I feel a weight all around my body whenever I move and whenever I am still, heavier than my weighted blankets. Seperate from physical fatigue and fatigue of sleep. One picking away at me. It sucks. I wonder if it's the wounds I have been ignoring, If they are mad. They promised to make me feel good if I did what they asked, and I haven't bothered. If I feel this way tomorrow, I can't waste what little free time I have. If I feel this way tomorrow, I will do what it takes to get this grey black fuzz all over me to detach and let me move unencumbered again.

[@tapedeckrat]

deep