evolutionary mismatch with dating apps these days

#datingapps should seriously #hireme
#datingapp #date #dating #datingtips #datingadvice

[@selohcin]

She's right. 90% of our moms would never have chosen our dads if they'd had access to dating apps when they were younger. 60% of our dads wouldn't even have kids.

[@mysteriousfleas]

Back in the 90s there was way more slut shaming and therefore a lot more women would not have chad chased on dating apps if they existed. This is a gen-z problem.

[@marikishtar]

The elites do it on purpose, they want to delete humankind

[@octoslut]

society wont survive then lol no incentive

[@MypersonalURL]

Hypergamy on steroids.

[@marikishtar]

@@selohcin yet women are "oppressed and struggling" lmfao this world

[@IMediaVsRealityI]

We're not even evolved to be dating strangers at all. We're supposed to be dating people that we've already known for years. People we grew up with together in our tribe. The whole concept of dating strangers is an evolutionary mismatch.

[@LumenP1023]

not always true. there's some biological traits that make it so that the more often a human see's another human, the less interested they'll be in the other person sexually. Some people have those traits, and some people don't.

[@syc6598]

There were "exchanges" between tribes. It's called patrilocality and matrilocality : either the guy joins the other family, or either it's the woman, and you can immediately understand why they created "mariage" and laws about it because when someone leaves, you also lose workforce. But yeah we had not that much choices. When a tribe had too much women, a guy would marry his own sister. People think it was polygamy but it wasnt, as it was not by choice.

[@tovarisch3039]

And even if you yourself didn't know them at a personal level, the older people in your family would already know of their family and its history in the community so there were no bad surprises later on.

[@GoodVideos-ry5ie]

This is why you don't choose a partner solely based on looks but on values. Does he share your values and believes? Does he want the same things out of life? Does he put family first etc.. When women spend 20 years chasing chad and career, they normally to end up single and childless.

[@jesuschrist5294]

yeah but if you don't pass the looks check, yo don't get the chance to prove values.

[@Chee2k]

@@jesuschrist5294 true. I find it extremely difficult to find a first date on a dating app. Ignored for months/years... but every date I've been on (3 dates) has been successful. So it's not really my personality that's the problem is it? It's the fact women are social status orientated; rather than personality orientated.

[@Jeremy-ql1or]

I have been telling women this for the last few years: Think of that couple you know who is the standard for the perfect relationship. You know, the ones who still hold hands after 50 years. If the woman had that list of nonsense that women on dating apps have, would she have even have met that guy??

[@madddawgg2]

she's 1000% right

[@ForcefighterX2]

When I met my wife during college, I told her that I think she's beautiful, but while that is great, it is not that important to me. Because beautiful people exist in huge numbers throughout the world - but you couldn't even be friends with most of them - so deciding your future happiness based on beauty, is bound to fail.

[@kylecurryyt]

You speak truth. Our ancient ancestors may have only interacted with a few hundred people in their entire life. The choices for potential mates were few. A very few.

[@coolioso808]

We don't even have to go that far back. Just the 20th Century generations before Smart phones and all that. They met in real life, in school or at work and often the guy attempted to ask out the girl, sometimes she said no and the guy persisted and finally they girl accepted and it turned into a long term relationship. These days, how would that ever happen? Even in real life. If I meet a woman through work, let's say, and ask her out, if she says no, then what? I can't persist or else I come off as a creep. But that's how some married couples today started out! It started out with the woman saying no to a date or even thinking the guy they would eventually marry was goofy or brash or unattractive in some way.

[@ARationalRedneck]

I think women radically overestimate their skill at choosing pictures. In truth, men are just less picky. Try it for yourself; upload some "Bad" pictures of yourself to a dating app and watch the matches roll in. Bonus points if you document it and upload the results to KZbin.

[@OktoPutsch]

Basically, a lot of men just use the dynamite fishing method, they click yes to all girls, delegating the choice to women, while those last ones pick up guys upon their feeling at the moment. It's statistics versus mood. A real "dating app" should limit your opportunities and almost choose for you, giving you a restricted panel of real matching possibilities. But hey, dating isn't their businessmodel, it's subscribing.

[@coolioso808]

I think there is some truth in that, but also lost in dating apps is real life encounters that build towards a friendship that can become more. Many long term married couples from the pre-dating app era say they married their best friend and also the woman may say they didn't like their would-be husband at first, may have even said no to a date at first, but then the guy grew on them by being around more, seeing them more and showing they are really interested. Well, you can't do that as a guy on the dating websites. If a woman says no, it is over. No chance to 'win them over.'

[@cChrodinCc]

men are less picky + men don't use makeup + men don't use photoshop/filters

[@matthewsmith-ld2ub]

Met my wife at church, and we went on dates

[@jenna.malatskey]

@@matthewsmith-ld2ub 🥰🙏

[@davidaustin5622]

Problem is modern humans live our lives through a screen; men cannot demonstrate the qualities women are attracted to, strength, confidence, ability and personality.

[@nokronis]

My grandparents have been together forever, and they probably love each other in some way... but they also definitely hate each other. Also a a guy it's definitely not 55+ matches 😂😂. But yea, dating apps are just not great generally. They make money by keeping you on the app, not helping you find a match.

[@maxcarter3413]

Excellent observations.

[@jessesteffan9834]

Women be swiping right on this video quick I bet

[@jenna.malatskey]

@@jessesteffan9834 😂😂

[@coolioso808]

Jenna, you nailed it! Evolutionary mismatch. As a still single guy who went through pre-dating app era, I had to swing and miss A LOT with women I'd met in class or at work or in the community somehow. In some universe those dates would have turned into long-term relationships, like they did with other couples who met like that and it worked out. Later in life, using dating sites, I've dated, none of them have been long-term. The missing ingredient is meeting someone in real life and developing a friendship that becomes more. You cannot do that on dating apps. Like you and me, even if we lived in the same place and liked some of the same things. It probably wouldn't work out. There is no organic history there. But I wish you well, hope you do find that compliment to your life. If not, be single with hopefully good mental health. That is better than being in a bad relationship. Cheers!

[@jyc313]

A lot of good points here. The sad truth is, most people are visual creatures and looks do matter. Perhaps it’s not the main trait everyone looks for, but if you are prospecting for a mate (yup I used the word prospecting for a reason), and u know absolutely nothing about the person then most people are gonna place looks at the top of their priorities. And yes, I am aware there are words on dating profiles but in my experience, people upsell themselves like they’d do in a resume and words are hard to believe until u actually talk to them.

[@accipitermagna7104]

looks do matter, but in person. Not on a phone, based on some "bad" photo

[@coolioso808]

Looks start the attraction, but compatible personalities and values determine a short-term from a long-term relationship. Problem with dating apps is what Jenna was saying. Unnatural and too many other options. In theory, dating apps seems really rational. Like, I put up my picture, then I write a profile that says what I like, what I look for in a woman and then I approve of women who I see meet my criteria and then if we get a match that should mean we are already off on a great foot because we both agree we like what we see and we like their basic profile. But somehow, that doesn't work out much of the time. And I think it comes back to the unnatural, too many options, issue. The other part is that so many long-term relationships of previous generations have a story where the guy was rejected at first by the woman he would eventually marry. The guy had to persist. But these days, how do you persist as a guy if a woman swipes no? You can't. You can't win them over with humour, with little nice things you do for them in real life that build up a friendship that turns into more. That is gone out the window.

[@stephenpowers51]

Evolved? Way I see it, too many people haven't even got round to growing up, still waiting for someone else to come along and fix their lives. Dating apps? They're not helping. (Still gonna like this though, figure that's just a nice thing to do. Thanks JM, enjoy all your stuff.)

[@cChrodinCc]

you didn't get the point of the video

[@stephenpowers51]

@@cChrodinCc Oh really? And of course, you did. But I guess you're way too busy, or important, to share what you think IS "the point" underpinning Jenna's reflection. Or, deep down you know you haven't really got anything to say that's worth hearing, but your need to be the smartass overrrides all else. I don't know. What do you think?

[@HumanLiberty]

Very true. The dating apps are an astronomical hypergamy accelerant. Rick and Morty did an insightful episode on this, except it gave an unrealistically balanced picture of men's general opportunity in the process; in reality only a relative few get most of the action. Anyway, quick, someone woo this lovely girl with a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, and a night out square dancing at the apple harvest festival.

[@jenna.malatskey]

Love it!

[@jamesofsandiego]

In the past relationships were initiated by and dependent on legitimate social interaction. Not the "Social Interaction" that Zuckerberg and friends are serving up. Taking that out of the equation is problematic on every level. That one sentence explains all of the side effect issues that have come about in this new way of doing things incorrectly.

[@MichaelNNY]

I grew up way before dating apps, but because I hated bars, I used online sites such as AOL and Facebook to meet women. I was even married to a woman for 8 years that I met on an online game. I dont see modern dating apps to even come close to social media sites. Its literally "oh I like this picture so we must be a match" which is patently absurd.

[@TheBossnia]

Everyone can identify a good photo... the problem is that women nowadays have access to tens of thousands of men.. so they only look at the top 10% ... the othr 90% can choose all the good photos they want... they will have very few matchs and probably will not be answered on the apps

[@jenna.malatskey]

@@TheBossnia very valid 🤔that’s another problem

[@marian11235813]

I see you've discovered XIX century.

[@melvinzhou7710]

Not related, but the way you speak is so cute, and you’re so pretty !

[@davewinterton4]

Well thank you, captain obvious 😂

[@sid655]

Humans did not evolve for dating apps, but there are people now who might be better suited for them and they are being selected for on a genetic level. There will also likely be communities like the Amish where there is no such selection pressure, because they outright reject all internet usage.

[@jenna.malatskey]

Amen

[@EphemeralProductions]

I thought this was Alessia cara at first. lol

[@jenna.malatskey]

@@EphemeralProductions 😂😂

[@captainjj7184]

A girl who talks about Turing test, evolution... I'm in love😍 That aside, 100% agree, no dna "smells" your body couldn't tell how far or closely related u are, it determines true attraction. Ever wondered why two strangers from other ends of the earth who came together in the middle of nowhere, can't even communicate through language, could spend time together laughing like mad, fall in love and know how to find each other at odd times and places just because they happen to be in close proximity at one time? Follow your receptors, it starts slow about a couple of hours but it'll always guide you in the blind (and more powerful than any apps)😊

[@redbaron6805]

What she is talking about is decision paralysis. This has been studied extensively, and this is precisely the reason sales people offer you 3 choices, not 5, not 10, not 20, not 50, because our brains are not designed t handle too many choices. I don't care if you go to Carmax with 1000 cars on the lot, a store with 500 different versions of what you are looking for, or go to a dating event with 50 women. Narrow it down to 3, then choose 1. When given this many choices, people will just keep swiping past 1000 people, and then swipe past the next 1000, because, in the back of their mind, there is always a better looking, smarter, taller, fitter, wealthier, more charming person who loves animals and is perfect in every way, just a few more swipes away. Then you pass 30, and then 40, and realize, my options have dwindled to zero, while I looked for perfection.

[@jenna.malatskey]

Very true!!!

[@user-hy5vj3rg9e]

We didnt even evolve to live in densed cities .

[@cChrodinCc]

true

[@yardhard6844]

Barely any of us would be alive today if Tinder was a thing when our parents were around. I don't know who dating apps are for. I'm surprised dudes are even still on dating apps, if you're like 6 ft 4, then sure... go nuts, but any dude in that category is most likely running an entire roster of girls.

[@glennwatson3313]

What the hell difference does the photo make?

[@dysnomia-anarchia]

Ouch, she just totally burned the superficiality of modern dating apps with one line... burn! Sign her up for a logic and deductive reasoning class... "other than the fact then they can't seem to identify what a good photo of themselves is, but that's not like a quality you care to... marry" Congratulations, you picked an A-1 winner who's shining skill was picking out a good photo of himself or herself. Like, wow. That's a bankable skill... The sad thing is programmers weren't out to destroy the dating landscape forever, or in a terribly negative way... we were actually trying just to make something fun, make it easier to connect with others, and maybe just maybe get a return on it for all our hard programming work. Well, most of that seems to have backfired. In the beginning, it did what we intended... it was fun and helped people connect outside their little local frog holler... but we had no clue about the morphing long term dark side that lay beneath...

[@HakimALIGHT]

Truth

[@martin5504]

Exactly! So why try to meet electronically when you could meet real people. You young people are so brainwashed; I'm sad.

[@jasonredic9457]

I don't think we evolved at all

[@serendipity_coin]

That brings up the question if we can date girls we see on youtube

[@jenna.malatskey]

🤣🤣

[@rjhick1]

You single? 😂😂😂😂

[@MichaelNNY]

She really SHOULD have responded with, "maybe, send a pic" lolol

[@jenna.malatskey]

@@MichaelNNY 🤣🤣🤣

[@cnnhdlvth9557]

"When you're married you see them in person mostly, you don't really see pictures of them all the time" I'm married and this is complete ignorance. People, do NOT settle on partner with zero sense of framing like I did.

[@OktoPutsch]

Seems you... Didn't frame it right ^^