Family lawyer reacts to SATC Part 1: Miranda and Steve

Here is my analysis of the relationship between Miranda and Steve and why the demise of their relationship was written from the beginning. #SATC #datingadvice #relationships #relationshipadvice #marriageadvice

[@FC-hj9ub]

Miranda gets a lot of shit but Steve was a very immature partner

[@divorceguru]

I know right! I think Miranda was a bit dumb for staying with Steve but overall she was really good to him (until the end where she cheated but let's not forget he cheated on her long before that). Steve on the other had was a terrible partner to her and did nothing but drag her down to his level and materially made her life worse.

[@SaraNorman-lv6cu]

That's because I think society kind of programs people to think women only deserve what they get and shouldn't complain about it because women are worthless according to society after 25 or whatever anyway. Its also okay to make excuses for men. If a woman doesn't make excuses for men and doesn't accept them then they are kind of viewed as bitches. When in reality two people are not always compatible anyway and that doesn't mean anyone is at fault.... But lots of bitterness and hatred amongst the genders unfortunately, when it really doesn't need to be that complicated. Both need respect. I think the labels can cause too much division for couples.

[@missmack2328]

@@divorceguruand this is why you date/marry UP!

[@divorceguru]

@@missmack2328 Agreed!

[@Keiaradise]

@@missmack2328 💯

[@usrower75]

This was not a wealth or class situation. A bank balance is a poor predictor of character. I believe that money was just how their insecurities came out to play. Steve was not who he wanted to be, and Miranda was not in the relationship she wanted. Steve's ego was a huge problem. It wasn't just that he was a bartender. He was irresponsible. He was ungrateful. His immaturity made him a bad partner. Whenever Miranda was willing to find solutions for them, he was a complete jerk to her. Sadly, she continued to back after his temper tantrums. If he had more money, he'd be a jerk with more money. They both did themselves a disservice by pursuing a relationship that should never have happened.

[@divorceguru]

Yes I agree and I think that point becomes clearer when we contrast this relationship with Samantha and Smith where there's the same disparity in income and "class" but Smith is a good partner to Samantha and not an immature, insecure, man child.

[@a.r.8954]

I very much agree. I think the (likely male) writers who wrote Steve were showing their bias and pity for the 'plight' of working class men who feel emasculated when they partner with women who make more money than them. Instead of exploring the nuances of that and exploring the problems of the male ego and masculinity and its strong tie to capitalism, they chose to have no self-awareness about it (rather typical lol) and slowly villainize Miranda. They went so far to prove their point about Steve's victimization, that they turned the most (arguably) morally black and white character in the show into a cheater.

[@ellenscofield5632]

She should have stayed with the sports team physician but she broke up with him for this insecure big baby🙄

[@divorceguru]

I know! So disappointing...

[@YmustTh3w0rldG0r0und]

Exactly! He was more her level. It would have been a perfect ending for her. Not Steve, ugh!🤮

[@TheLifeofRileyinSpain]

And he was drop dead gorgeous

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@TheLifeofRileyinSpain Yes, that smile!

[@Thefrenchgal]

She might have been afraid of the good relationship and sabotaged herself… something i would totally do 😅

[@yourfavnurseb9699]

Remember that episode where all the girls chose who they would “pick up” or ‘get it on with’ in the friend group and no one chose Miranda? It showed that she always felt like no one chose her or that she wasn’t pretty or desirable. But as Carrie explained in the pizza scene Steve “adored” or ‘worshipped’ Miranda which may have been why she stuck it out. It’s like she knew that she was an upgrade for him so he wouldn’t leave her so she could maintain the power in the relationship even though she has to bend so much to make it work. And yes using a baby to hold a woman down is a REAL thing and it’s always the broke boys doing it.

[@divorceguru]

That's an excellent point. I think Miranda's insecurities and her desire to be desired and to not be alone really drove her to stay. But it's always when women do that, when they settle thinking this man is not going to cheat, that the man cheats. It's such a stereotype but honestly happens all the time.

[@missbbaddie]

omg THIS

[@Aerie925]

I think it’s hilarious about the suit incident b/c they could’ve tried to get a less expressive suit, rented a suit😅 OR Steve could’ve let Miranda pay for it, but insisted on paying her back. Like, it didn’t have to be a crisis 😂

[@divorceguru]

Well that wouldn't make for good television LOL but also I think it's clearly meant to highlight how different they are. In Miranda's world, this is what men wear. They don't go hire suits or wear cheap suits. That's the point. She was trying to make Steve fit into her world and that was never going to work... so instead she just fit herself into his world... which was less than ideal.

[@shainahiggins2217]

Holy cow. I never thought about this, but you're right. Miranda was constantly giving up ground to accommodate him. With THAT perspective...I still hate the Che plot line, and the needy, irrational, desperate person she was with them, but I guess it's not AS out of character as it originally felt. It's just a more intense manifestation of an established pattern. Well damn.

[@divorceguru]

Yes I think the Che plot line makes sense when you consider that Miranda was just starved of any excitement in her life because she gave up everything for Steve and their family. Someone like Che who was just so authentically themself, pushing against traditional gender norms, relationships etc in a way that Miranda was never able to do herself was probably just intoxicating to her. I don't condone the cheating, but TBH Steve cheated on her many years before that so I don't really feel bad for him either.

[@igelkott3522]

Great analysis! I hated the relationship from the get-go. I think the writers had a hard time deciding what to do with Miranda. She's successful, sarcastic and don't take any BS. Personally I would've liked to see her let down her guard more, maybe have some character growth and soften up in order to find a suitable guy. Sometimes her insistence on "not caring" seems to have stemmed from a fear of being disappointed if she did care rather than actually not caring.

[@divorceguru]

Yes that's a great observation. She did have her walls up emotionally whereas Carrie seemed to have no walls at all...

[@mordecaiissad8529]

I could see the story in the beginning. Miranda in the early seasons especially is portrayed as a very successful woman but insecure in her personal life, often worried about not being good enough. I've seen women like her irl and women that end up in bad relationships because of it.

[@a.r.8954]

100%. Instead they chose her to be a sacrifice to be humbled in service of convincing us that Steve is the more relatable character. Really bad writing decision.

[@a.r.8954]

@@divorceguru Oh Carrie has walls. What she doesn't have is healthy boundaries. :(

[@malvavisco10]

“Soften up” that is code for be more subservient, put up with more crap. As if she didn’t put up with enough for decades of her life

[@CaramelKissesR]

Miranda always wants the person she cant have. She had skipper and broke up with him and then when she saw him happy with someone else she wanted to sleep with him again. Same for Steve...she went back and forth with him and she only realized she loved him once he moved on with someone else. Che...Che was clearly unavailable and she kept trying to work it out with them. Just my opinion

[@divorceguru]

That's true, there's an element of that.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

YES!! Miranda and Carrie were similar that way!! They both liked the challenge.

[@ohemmehey561]

The show acts like bartenders are poor or something, but bartenders can make great money especially in New York. Obviously not as much as an attorney but they can afford to go to fancy restaurants and a nice suit once in a while!

[@divorceguru]

That's a really good point. I thought about it but clearly the show is portraying him as a poor bartender. I mean, writers don't make so much money meanwhile Carrie is running around designer clothes and accessories... The show had its own economy apparently.

[@FC-hj9ub]

New York is very expensive and not all bartenders are equal. It's also implied that he had a series of different jibs before becoming a bartender,so he is not a senior bartender

[@AudreysBrains]

I truly didn’t know that corderoy suits were low-end 😂

[@raraavis7782]

Yeah, that always puzzled me. Young Steve was a decently cute guy and he worked as a bartender full time, not just occasionally picking up a shift, like a student or such. At least while he was living with Miranda (assuming he didn't pay her rent), he shouldn't have been short on cash. More the opposite. And I mean, it was the 90's or early 00's - things weren't as desperately expensive as today yet. It never made sense to me, that he wasn't well dressed, at least. It would have made more sense for him to have quite a bit of cash, but being irresponsible with it and to annoy Miranda that way. Or he could have had an alcoholic or drug problem or such. The whole 'she's rich, he's poor thing seemed a bit fabricated to me.

[@nataliesasha8216]

I so agree it wasn’t even about the money. Their social circles, approaches to life/lifestyle were different. They were not aligned. The writers wrote her as the stereotypical powerful woman who settled for the man who liked her more than she liked him. It was a recipe for disaster for both of them each seeking something that the other simply could not give. He also had a way of guilt tripping her into things and making her feel bad about her personality/ career forcing her to compromise although that’s what probably attracted him in the first place. She also did not respect him, but did not want to be alone. He never made her feel alive.

[@divorceguru]

Yes agree 100%

[@EmpressJusticeTarot]

Miranda's desires are very simple: she wanted a nuclear male, but didn't want to be a nuclear woman. She deep down wanted to fit into society's rules or for society's rules to make an exception for her. Yet she was such an intelligent, outspoken tomboy who loved working so much, she could never reconcile her feelings with reality. So even though much of her criticism of patriarchy and how women respond to it is incredibly true, her complaints came from loneliness & insecurity, rather than a place of knowing who she was. Plus, I think she was with Steve because a part of her didn't constantly want to be the "rational problem-solver" all the time. When all you do is think, sometimes you just want to switch off. The key is to find a healthy way to do that that doesn't involve being baby-trapped by someone you don't respect.

[@divorceguru]

Yes I think at her core, she didn't want to be alone and she liked that Steve made her feel desirable maybe in a way that she didn't often feel. But I think she also didn't seem to be able to reconcile that she was not a traditionally feminine woman who still seemed to want a relationship with a man and navigating that sort of dynamic can be tricky.

[@christieomojo]

This comment is spot on, I also feel she settled as well. Steve was a safe pair of hands and she knew she had the upper hand in the dynamic.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Protect your Uterus!!!!

[@Hx3ney]

Love that need the Tshirt ❤

[@divorceguru]

There's my new slogan! I feel some merch coming on lol

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

I liked their relationship at first, but with more rewatches, Miranda treated Steve like sh**t. And I get Steve may have been immature at the beginning and kind of a man child, but I don’t think the things he wanted from her were invalid like wanting intimacy like cuddling or wanting a family. In the movie, Miranda seemed to be nicer to the family and liking being part of it whereas previously, she did not want these things. I am not justifying Steve cheating on Miranda, but him feeling like she cut him off and not having a conversation with him about it before therapy seems valid as well. I did not like Miranda’s hypocrisy about her cheating on him. Yes, they are even, but her affair felt worse when they look like they resolved things, had a good thing going, and considering how angry she was about him cheating, she never even thought about Steve once when she cheated. What he said about the house was true. He built it. He put his time and effort into it. He made the house into a home when all Miranda did was pay the mortgage. But they both created a home by being together and being a family to Brady. But when Steve matured, I don’t think he should have been verbally abused by Miranda.

[@divorceguru]

This is what happens when people are poorly suited for each other. They bring out the worst in one another. The things Steve wanted were totally valid, but not from Miranda, from a woman who wanted those things as well. If Miranda doesn't want to cuddle or move to brooklyn, she's allowed to feel that way and she should have recognised that Steve was not the man for her. Maybe she should have even recognised that men weren't for her I don't know. Either way, the two of them together were not good for each other.

[@mordecaiissad8529]

Miranda always had a confidence problem in her personal life. People around her often pushed her to change and didn't help. Whenever she has issues with Steve her friends tell her shes being crazy and what a great guy steve is. Carry being the biggest offender while she personally would never. Samantha is basically the only one that kind of supports her but she often couldn't help herself and advocated for another extreme, which didn't fit well Miranda either. Miranda wanted a relationship, but had no real idea what kind she could have, because of her own insecurities. Remember that whole thing with the gym dude where she was completely shocked someone would just think she's hot?

[@divorceguru]

This is a good point. I think because Miranda often didn't fit the traditional feminine mould, she felt undesirable. At her core, she was probably still the bookish, nerdy teenager you know she was. It's unfortunate that her arch was not overcoming those insecurities and finding a more suitable partner or even just finding happiness on her own.

[@mordecaiissad8529]

@@divorceguru oh, reading your comment now, did they taming of the shrew her? She was the most "tomboyish" of the cast, working in a male dominated field, a lot of her early stories involve contrasting her experiences to experiences of men in her place etc. And it seems they just couldn't allow her to embrace herself and overcome this insecurity but made her character to accept a more traditional gender role. And now that I think about it, this might be even more established in the movies. Where she gets further guilt tripped over her job, not being a good wife and mom, even shamed for not complying with beauty standards (letting herself go and not waxing her bikini zone). I'll have to think more about it, but I think there might be something to it. Sam approaches her personal life in a more "masculine" way but it's contrasted by her being super feminine otherwise.

[@divorceguru]

@@mordecaiissad8529 That is an excellent point! Interesting

[@LynnK-pu7rc]

Or the cop?

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

YES! Miranda was shocked that anyone would think she -- or anyone else --was hot. I got so mad at her when she goes to Carrie, "And you're a model?" And when, early on, she insinuated Samantha had work done to her face. Miranda was a mean girl. No female empowerment from her at all.

[@lunallena5594]

Miranda settled the whole time she was with Steve because she felt she'd otherwise be alone. This plot needed to be shown as an outcome for one of the characters, and it was not what I'd desire. Steve never supported her in the way she needed, he was more work.

[@carriesmith7165]

The only thing I liked about Steve was that he tried to get Miranda to stop and smell the roses. Also that he was traditionally a nice guy. But yes he wanted what he thought a woman should be. I also think Aiden did that to Carrie, but she flew the coop before he could get her knocked up.

[@ranga1cat]

I think part of the reason Miranda never went for someone “on her level” is that she was insecure in her own way. As a high powered attorney she would have been surrounded by and have access to a variety of people who would have been a better match but those people (men in particular) on that level could have either challenged her ( hopefully in a healthy way) or they wanted a more traditional partner. Miranda would have actually had to have an equal partner rather than act like she had/wanted an equal partner. It’s easy to be generous when you’re on the high side of a power imbalance.

[@ProjectSaffron]

I was a teen when SATC was on and I never liked Miranda and Steve as a couple. It always felt like Miranda was always ‘compromising’ aka Steve always got his way.

[@SamanthaYelena]

Steve and Miranda's relationship went on longer than it should have because of the chemistry between Cynthia Nixon and David Eigenberg. Happens a lot on shows. On paper (script), it's clear the two people should not be together but the actors are so great together we kind of overlook it. Similar thing happened with Carrie and Aidan because of SJP & John Corbett's chemistry.

[@lizziebennet2084]

Miranda was always so sarcastic and condescending to the point of being rude. From the get go, she is mean to Steve for no reason. The fact that she is so hurt by men before is no excuse for treating him like that. She is so annoying to Charlotte, too.

[@divorceguru]

I agree that Miranda was not the most loveable character, and yes she was at times mean to Steve, but what I see is a relationship between two people where they bring out the worst in each other. Steve was a passive aggressive man-child and she was a witch with a b. Those two should have never stayed together in the first place.

[@sharpaycutie2]

No one irked my would more than her 😂 o didn’t like her UNTIL Steve 😂 then we saw a sweeter version. This women was toxic human being and Steve helped her soften up and lose her toxic behavior 😂

[@Keiaradise]

Finally someone talks about how terrible Steve was for Miranda!!!

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

I always thought he was the worst. Didn't get why fans thought they were so amazing together.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Her biggest fault was getting pregnant. It feels like she intentinally destroyed her life Getting pregnant from THIS ...... ...... only makes it worse.

[@divorceguru]

100% she should never have let it even get to that because she should have believed Steve in the first place when he literally told her that he was not good enough for her. That was not a challenge...

[@annejohnson5875]

I didn't appreciate the way Steve basically bullied Miranda into letting him move in.

[@raraavis7782]

It's so nice to see a discussion about SatC, that is not just 'Carrie bashing', while idolizing the other three woman to an unreasonable degree. I'm so over that, personally. I remember that 'back then', Miranda was the character I identified with most. I could really see myself in her, including her less likeable/admirable traits. I even dated my very own Steve for close to 5 years in my twenties. Although luckily I didn't get pregnant or married him. I totally agree with your assessment, though. Those two were doomed from the start, because rather than complementing each other, they did bring out the worst in each other. When I rewatched the series in my 30's, the pattern was clear as day to me and it made me very uncomfortable, because of how much it reminded me of my own past relationship. That being said...I don't think Dr. Leeds would have been the One for her, either. A doctor for a famous sports team and very good looking and charming? And with beautiful young women constantly flinging themselves at him? Call me a cynic, but men like that do usually (serially) cheat, sooner or later. Even if their wife or girlfriend is super hot and totally devoted to them. Never mind if their SO is an average looking career woman. And remember how extreme he reacted, when she broke up with him? Or that last scene where we saw him. When Steve storms up to his apartment to 'confront' him and he opens the door and wouldn't you know...there were like two or three absolutely gorgeous, lightly clad women in the background? Yeah. That was the real 'Dr. Nicks', I think. He honestly strikes me as a potential narcissist. Someone who wants to date a smart, successful (but inwardly insecure) lawyer because it's a good look for him, very much forcing the relationship to develop almost too quickly (love bombing). Just to turn very nasty, when things do not go his way. And not because he was genuinely heartbroken, but because his ego couldn't deal with him being left (thus the 'orgy' with much better looking women right afterwards).

[@divorceguru]

Thank you, that's a very interesting thought on the Dr and we didn't see enough of him so obviously that's a lot of conjecture but it could very well be true. He could also be a man who has had his share of meaningless sex with beautiful women and was tired of that... but returned to what was familiar in his heartbreak. You can interpret it many ways, but you're right, that character could have been a bad man in the end. I think the point is Miranda needed someone (man or woman) who was going to either equally successful or very supportive of her career and either way secure. But I think she was herself very insecure so that was part of the problem.

[@raraavis7782]

@@divorceguru Oh, for sure. We're not talking about real people, after all, and there's no way of knowing, what the scriptwriters' intention was. That's the nice thing about fiction... everyone can interpret it their own way. But I've experienced that kind of behavior in real men and it's quite shocking, when it actually happens to you. The sudden and complete change from overly loving and attentive to stone cold and cruel in Narcissists is really something. I kinda wish, they would have ended the Miranda and Steve storyline after the suit incident and given Miranda a real happy ending with a more compatible partner. It would have been encouraging to see, that you can be an ambitious career woman and find a partner who appreciates you for that. Someone she could have really thrived and grown with. They really did her dirty, in a way.

[@monicagarcia3424]

Robert might have seemed perfect for Miranda, but ultimately that relationship would’ve failed as well because Miranda is gay.

[@divorceguru]

She I wish they had gone there in the original series. That would have been a great storyline for her and introduced more diversity from the beginning.

[@agalo3631]

But it was her fault for suggesting an insanely expensive suit for a one time event when a second hand suit for like $100 (especially back then) would have been just fine. And Miranda did say to the girls that one of her favorite things to do on a Saturday night is Steve’s laundry (which is crazy, of course, but just shows how she herself leaned into and liked some aspects of domesticity). But Steve pushing a baby was WILD! Not cool

[@divorceguru]

I don't think it was her fault because she was offering to pay for the suit so in her mind she didn't need to worry about Steve's budget. It's meant to highlight how they come from two very different worlds - in her world, this is not an expensive suit, this is just normal. She probably wouldn't even know where to go to find a secondhand suit. The thought would never occur to her. That's the point. And the fact that Steve had a problem with her buying the suit just shows that he never liked the idea of reversing traditional gender roles... which is why Miranda leans in to doing his laundry. It's almost like she's making up for being the breadwinner by showing that she can still be the "traditional" woman. Does she love it or does she just tell herself that she loves it? Because she could afford to outsource it, but then that would make Steve uncomfortable again...

[@goddessnadiya]

I just realized I just had their first chapter experience 😅😢 I’m a professional woman who recently dated a construction worker. He was not ok with the disparity and 2 months was enough. Great video

[@divorceguru]

Thank you! I think the important point is if he's not ok with it then it's never going to work. People often go on about how it shouldn't be an issue, but it still is for some people so it's good to be aware of that.

[@yaztakusi361]

You know that saying where the advice you give (or yell at others) your often saying it to yourself. The argument Miranda and Carrie have at the store where she calls her weak and needy could be thrown back at her. Given that Big and Carrie are mirrors of Miranda and Steve.

[@Mindy9209]

Miranda was bringing a man who was broke into her world.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Sadly that's what A LOT of women do just to not be Single. What a shame.

[@Aerie925]

Miranda accepted Steve for who he was, lack of money and all…but Steve couldn’t get over Miranda making more money than him. Deep down he believed that he didn’t deserve her.

[@Apricot90]

He was always a whiny clown and she was always insecure and gullible.

[@lindzriddb]

I am SO HERE for this series! The show recently came to Netflix and I’ve been rewatching it too. I started watching it in my early 20’s, and even I have such different opinions on all the characters and their relationships at 36 and after having been in crap relationships and now married with kids too. I really hope you’ll touch on Trey and Aidan a little bit too!! Maybe compare them to the partners the girls ended up with? Either way can’t wait for the next one!

[@divorceguru]

Thank you! I'll definitely do a follow up on Aidan and Trey once I get through these first four. I'm really enjoying making these videos. I better get back to editing the next one!

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@divorceguru Yay!! You can have a field day with this series! Samantha & Maria; Carrie & Berger; Miranda & Che....

[@pamjones7426]

Hi, thanks for the video, I really enjoyed it. It's not the fact that Miranda was earning more money than Steve. I earn more than my husband, but he couldn't care less because he just wants me to be happy working a job I want. For a long time, I wasn't earning any money at all because I was studying and he was happy to provide for both of us. Now that I'm earning more, he can take a job with less stress and hours if he wants. But that's more to do with my husband and who he is. He's secure in himself and is not constantly trying to prove that he can be The Man. I would say that he's fairly traditional and would be happy being the sole provider if need be, but if I earned more than him, he wouldn't care either. The biggest difference is that neither of us tried to change each other - important in a happy marriage! - and just accept each other as we are. We got married young and have been through a LOT but we're still happily married (almost 25 years).

[@divorceguru]

Yes exactly it's because your husband isn't in any way threatened or insecure about the fact that you earn more. Steve was clearly not entirely comfortable with it... it seems like deep down it was always an issue for him. I'm just finished my Samantha and Smith video where I compare it to this and it's exactly that situation where Smith is comfortable and not threatened by Samantha earning more.

[@RoxanaLorenaD]

Steve was a child. There are so many scenes that show this that's it's unbelievable people aren't noticing. Like the scene where he wants to make an impossible basketball shot to win 1 million dollars and he expects her to come and watch him train when she has work to do. That shot is worth that much because you have almost 0 chance of making it. The fact that he couldn't figure that out and was childishly getting enthused about it would have been annoying for any adult. Sure, she could have let him down more easily, but she just didn't have the social skills for that. It's not because she was a bitch. Or when he is loudly watching cartoons in her house, while she tries to work. She is not that into him and he never gets a hint to give her space so she can start liking him. He almost forces her to stay in bed and cuddle by putting his arms and legs around her when she doesn't want to stay. If someone's not that into you combined with the fact that you don't give them space, it gets much worse. That's what Miranda and Steve had.

[@RoxanaLorenaD]

Actually she knew that she didn't want him and that he wasn't a fit for her and only "fell in love" when the baby came and it was too hard to handle it alone. She actually "fell in love" with the help she got with the baby. And also probably wanted the kid to have his dad around, so that's why she made the compromise with Steve.

[@RoxanaLorenaD]

Also, she ended up with Steve, because on a personal level she was very insecure and thought that she didn't deserve more. She had some better opportunities and blew them. There was for example that handsome cop that she was so intimidated by that she drank too much and he got freaked. And so on... Her staying with Steve is a combination of her insecurities together with the situation created by the baby coming... And you could see, if you wanted too, right from the start they they wouldn't work, when they went on that 4 day honeymoon and Miranda couldn't stand Steve there. She couldn't stand him for 4 days. Because she never really liked him as a man. She just compromised so she would get help with the baby and because she was insecure and thought she couldn't get someone else. Someone on her level. And I don't even mean on her level financially, I mean intellectually and from a maturity standpoint.

[@RoxanaLorenaD]

Steve is super annoying because he doesn't really respect Miranda's lifestyle or choices. The problem is that she doesn't know how to negociate so when the situation arises she just gets angry and yells or is sarcastic and then she looks like the bad guy and she gives in to make him happy.

[@divorceguru]

Yes excellent point, he was like an overgrown child often... annoying.

[@TheMagdalenaBB]

I like Steve, but he did have annoying manchild tendencies.

[@charchar0607]

This is such good insight, I’m glad I found your channel!

[@user-oh2bl1gh2u]

You should do Samantha and Richard too because that was a big one for her! ❤

[@sweet-co]

Great recap! And very important take always. It's so important to know yourself and feel secure in who you are for all parties to a relationship! Then it is also more easy to compromise w/o feeling bad about yourself. Looking forward to more!

[@Hx3ney]

I always felt sorry for him though he didn't deserve it in hindsight. I always thought she was a bit of a b but again with hindsight she didn't deserve it. The wrong relationships can make you take on those roles and from the outside even from within whos at fault gets mixed up. It was very interesting thank you 😊 Love to hear about Charlotte

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Miranda is the perfect example why you shouldn't date below your class

[@divorceguru]

Yes exactly, they were just so not suited for each other. Imagine Steve with a bubbly, feminine type who would have just loved to move to the suburbs and raise a family? And imagine Miranda thriving in NYC living the high life either as part of a power couple or embracing being single and just having lovers. Each of them would have been happier better versions of themselves.

[@travelteacher22]

Well thank you very much. It is very nice listening you, so calm and well spoken.❤

[@divorceguru]

Thank you so glad you enjoyed

[@bluecollarlit]

Steve was no longer a bartender, though. He and Aidan opened a bar, so he's an owner now.

[@Aerie925]

I think that is you don’t know what you want, not only should you think about it, but you need to just casually date so that you can figure out what it is that you like and don’t like, etc. Not every relationship has to be engame…you can just date to figure out what it is that need/want. That’s the whole point of dating.

[@divorceguru]

I agree that not every relationship needs to be a forever relationship, but I don't think women should casually date to figure out what they want in their own lives. That's playing with fire because inevitably they get attached to someone who is clearly so unsuited for them and they try desperately to make it work often to their own detriment. And then people say 'well you can't help who you fall in love with...' and to that I say BS. You can help who you fall in love with by not entertaining any man who is clearly unsuitable and doesn't meet some baseline preselection criteria. And how do you know if a man is unsuitable? By knowing first what you want in your own life independent of any man. IMO this gives a woman a much better chance of finding a suitable partner. Women who aimlessly date men they just find physically attractive are often the ones who end up in the worst relationships. The idea that a woman can't know herself and her own desires for her own life without any reference to men is so problematic IMO.

[@melisma8747]

I've seen sooo many comments of WOMEN that said that Miranda did not deserve Steve like what???? She wasn't perfect but their relationship was never good for her, he was a man child who let Miranda act like his mommy doing his laundry and having a baby so he could stay and enjoy the commodity that she was providing

[@divorceguru]

I know it's such a weird take for women to think Steve was too good for her... I was never a fan of her character but honestly she really didn't benefit from this relationship in any way

[@Nita_Key]

I'm only at 17 minutes and you may respond to this later, but when Steve and Miranda got married he owned a bar. He became an entrepreneur. Also, they later broke up in the And Just Like That series not because of money or insecutity but because Miranda fell for Che and started cheating on him.

[@divorceguru]

So Steve may have owned a bar, but having clients who were in hospitality, I know that owning a bar is not necessarily going to make you a lot of money. There are huge overheads with that type of business and income can be inconsistent. Clearly, he didn't earn enough to be able to qualify for the mortgage because that was in Miranda's name and that would make sense because the business would be seen a more of a risk to the bank. And let's not forget that Steve cheated on her first and I do think that the infidelity was, on both sides, at its core driven by their complete lack of compatibility, and in Steve's case, his feelings of being emasculated by not being the traditional male in the relationship (which happens SO often it's practically a trope).

[@x.chel.x]

*patiently waiting for the other videos*

[@divorceguru]

I'm on it! Don't worry

[@corneliahanimann2173]

This is an interesting take, it makes me think, that Miranda and Steve both were people that believed this idea that feminism has solved any issues we had. Miranda is no hypocrite and treats Steve like an equal. Steve subscribed to the idea that he doesn't need to climb a career ladder and a woman should love him for who he is. He finds that woman, but it turns out that he doesn't love the man that doesn't do the financial providing for a family.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Another great video, Tanya! (I watched the Samantha one first). I agree Miranda should have stayed with Doctor Robert. Why go backwards again? I didn't like the Steve character from the get go. I had issues with the way he was coming on to her in the bar that very first night when obviously she needed space. He was way too pushy. He did have a bit of charm and some moments, but it's a "no" for me. It baffled me why fans thought they were such a great couple and even why Miranda's cleaning lady was so happy when Steve and Miranda came out of the closet together at Brady's birthday part. AND why Carrie herself thought Miranda was being too hard on Steve when he cheated on her. BUT I will say, that puppy was awfully adorable. If an adorable puppy kept me up all night, the adrenaline would kick in and I'd be rocking the next day like a boss. I'll always make excuses for cute animals, ha-ha! ❤

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I agree 1000%. Miranda should've stayed with Robert and Steve should've stayed with Debbie. They made more sense together and both parties would've been happier. I agree about Steve being too pushy. I would've gotten annoyed, left, and never went back.

[@SunShine-qk4rb]

I love your analysing of the show.I was in my late teens when it first aired

[@natashacampos9908]

This is a great analysis

[@divorceguru]

Thank you!

[@annakay6980]

Can you do Carrie and Aleksandr, too? I feel like their relationship is overlooked a lot but BRUH it's got moments, problematic and otherwise.

[@divorceguru]

Yes but I don't think I can be objective because I just love Barishnikov as a former ballerina myself LOL but yes I think maybe it would be a good one

[@anessakelli]

Love your analysis’ can you please make a YT about your recommendations on combining finances effectively for longevity with a partner? ❤❤❤ best of luck on your YT journey!

[@divorceguru]

Thank you so much! That's a great idea and I will definitely discuss that in future videos.

[@numberone22459]

@@divorceguruyes that’s such a great idea!! Do you think it’s better to have one joint account? Or for the wife and husband to have separate accounts but the wife is an authorized user on his card? Or is it better to get an “allowance”??

[@kuutti6777]

The way he said that Miranda "never wanted Brady"was horrible, disgusting. As someone who was told by my own mother that she wished I would've died at birth(I was born with an emerg.C-section)that isn't something one should say lightly or use as a weapon in a fight. I can't believe he'd say that. These characters didn't grow, and the change in how they behaved didn't seem natural to me. And btw I think Miranda did alot to make things work originally, like the move to Brooklyn, taking care of his mom, forgiving Steve etc.

[@furlycee]

I earn more than my fiancé. I met him when I already had my first degree. I think it’s important if you have that money disparity that your values still lineup. My partner and I will take turns paying and if I suggest we go somewhere fancy, I am happy to pay because it was my suggestion, but he will sometimes too. He ended up going back to school to get a better paying job because he came to the conclusion himself that he didn’t have to struggle if he found something that he liked that paid well and I was there to make things easier while he went to school. I know that things don’t always line up for someone to just “find” a better paying job but if you have a partner that makes a lot of money there is more flexibility to go back to school and lean on them a little bit. And I don’t make anywhere near what Amanda makes. I guess Steve’s attitude or having his cake and eating it too pisses me off. If Steve wanted traditional values, he probably should have made the steps to find a better paying job OR know that because of his ego, he can only date someone who makes less than him and they will struggle. As it is he made the person he said he loved leave her job that she loved because his ego wouldn’t let her have a job that paid well.

[@divorceguru]

Well said! All the best to you and your fiancé

[@LeandroVelez7]

Steve sounds like Chucky from The Rugrats.

[@numberone22459]

Do you think their relationship would’ve worked out if their careers and social status were swapped? Like women marrying men who are of a higher status/income. It would be so great to hear your insights especially with your history of working with couples😊

[@divorceguru]

Interesting question: I think yes and no. If the social status were swapped, they would no longer be the characters that they are so it's hard to say, but I think each of them would have had a better relationship with someone of a more similar social status if that makes sense. It doesn't always have to be that way but it's often the case that men are insecure with a higher status woman (not all but most) and that's really the problem.

[@tonichan89]

"I want a baby, it'd be fun!" Whoof, I hate that. So much. Though I do kinda sympathise with him more over the suit thing, at least from the clips it feels less like a "traditional values" thing and more like a class thing; I would be uncomfortable feeling like I "owe" my partner even if they don't see it that way. Many people feel uncomfortable being treated expensive items from someone they're dating, and I think that's honestly fair, especially if they've not dated for a long time already. Why not let him show up wearing what he can afford? It's not like he was gonna dress down to shorts and a wifebeater as some sort of way of being obstinate, he was making an effort and that's all I would expect of my partner, to care enough to make the effort. It's status and class related things that made the cord suit not good enough and if that's an issue, our values are not going to be aligned.

[@catmouse2882]

Miranda married way below her social and economic status. Steve was a dusty who found a lick in Miranda.

[@marishkaspirit]

Well when you put it like that, i think she was right to divorce him. She should have done it sooner. I never realized how insecure, imature, man-child, mysoginistic Steve really was. He never compromised, it was her who accomodate her. Leaving all finacial thing aside, he was unbarable. I don't know how she didn't resent him all that time, i would have gone nuts with a partner like that.

[@yourfavnurseb9699]

He was very whiny too and she took care of his mom! She probably wouldn’t even take care of her own mom!

[@BubbleGum-uc4rx]

Can you do a series on 90 shows couples? That would be interesting ❤

[@marianna-sophiabegaysacaid494]

I don’t know being the physical therapist for the Knicks which is what he was even here in Pocatello Idaho. That’s much more small than New York physical therapist assistant will make $50-$60,000 a year and a full-blown physical therapist will make 70 to 80,000 a year I think.

[@divorceguru]

Well that's the thing, we don't actually know about his financial situation but it's like it didn't matter because it didn't matter to him. He was clearly secure and happy with his own level of career success whatever that looks like for him in a way that Steve seems not to have been. It was like somehow Miranda made Steve feel less than, but it's not that she did it on purpose, it's just that who she was made him feel insecure, which lead to a very unhealthy relationship dynamic where Miranda had to change everything about her life to make Steve comfortable in the relationship.

[@MarvinaBigby]

Miranda stayed with Steve because nobofy else loved her.Steve is the guy thst will alwsys be there for you Miranda was tired of being alone she was so depressed when she had nobody

[@numberone22459]

Do charlotte next!!

[@divorceguru]

Oh I will definitely get to Charlotte very soon don't worry!

[@Thefrenchgal]

I think i am a miranda. I always thought i was a carry. Cant wait for carry’s analysis.

[@pazzy001]

Their relationship never made sense. What did they have in common? Large differences in intelligence and education between two people leads to communication difficulties.

[@RobinZK67]

Yeah, that first scene was what was wrong with their relationship from the very beginning. Steve didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. However, when he said you never wanted me, that is very unfair, since all the things he listed were essentially things that Miranda did or accepted for Steve. He was the one that made her change without having to compromise any of his wants/needs. I think it’s interesting how Miranda ended up being gay, when in the very beginning she pretended to be gay for the purpose of getting into the “clique” at work.

[@PetraBabulal]

I never liked Steve for Miranda after the suit thing and then just out of the blue wanting a baby and then just bringing a dog 🐕. I always liked her relationship with Blair Underwood. I still hate the Che storyline though because it came out or nowhere more than the dog.

[@thatwinecountrylife1291]

Steve was a no for me when they first met because he was telling her how to drink the glass of wine she ordered. Sir, she does not need instructions on how to drink wine so please hold your unsolicited advice 😂

[@divorceguru]

That's a really great observation, I didn't even think of that but you are so right!

[@sophiaschneider4680]

What the hell did Miranda see in this man????

[@eileenbryan6674]

It makes me think of an interview of a famous old Hollywood actress called Betty Davis had on the Dick Cavett show in the 1970’s. I'll put the part here because it's an hour long and not in clips and really related to this.As a creative, I found it helpful and insightful and maybe someone else might agree. Romantic idealism and daily reality don't always mix. Betty Davis “I wouldn't have married as early, and I would have always married someone with money. I would not have married just for money, no this is serious, but I would not have married someone who could not support me….because that is the death of any marriage. Men don't like this. They think beforehand it doesn't matter. And…um.. everything that was my greatest mistake in the world. Because they took most of it, but..that was the way I had to do it. I have this and you have that..and ugh however you have to be, who you have to be. I would have never married anyone who have his own niche in the world. That was the big mistake I made.” Also said about creative craft to but this was a major point. Of course, Smith was different and secure in themselves and not.

[@catmouse2882]

Never date or marry a man who is broke or who earns less money than you.

[@Cat3deye]

Always hated Steve and his false nonchalance.

[@dv.c3700]

Peopke don’t love Steve they just hate Miranda. Same w/ Carrie & Aiden. Aiden was a good guy but a hard headed bore & not a good fit for Carrie. It’s sexism at its finest

[@divorceguru]

That is a good point actually

[@aishuaish6779]

Please can you do Big bang theory and Friends?

[@divorceguru]

Absolutely! Love both of those shows! I was also thinking Gilmore Girls. So keep an eye out for that

[@aishuaish6779]

@@divorceguru will do…can’t wait!!!

[@FloraChantrell]

Do the other couples please ❤

[@divorceguru]

Just uploaded Samantha and Smith!

[@MrErik052005]

Wealthy men bring poor women into their lives all the time. Then, it’s the women’s new normal. Why can’t women do the same? A wealthy woman brings a poor man into her life. I hate the double standard. It’s only weird if you make it weird. If you find a wonderful partner, you’re going to leave them? Or bring them into your life?

[@divorceguru]

They absolutely can, and you will see in my next video about Samantha and Smith that this is exactly what happens and it's a very happy and healthy relationship. It was Steve who had a problem with it, not Miranda actually. That's the point. If Steve had been happy to support Miranda in her career in the way that women in the scenario you describe will always support their wealthy husbands behind the scenes, then they would have had fewer problems. He was the one who felt emasculated by her out-earning him and he didn't like that he was not "the man" in the relationship. This was not a double standard, it was a man with an ego.

[@heresqueenie]

I’m not sure why people keep calling Steve broke or a bum! Like someone else said in NYC bartenders make a lot of money, bars are extremely lucrative in New York. Up until the pandemic he would have been making a good amount of money. A lot of people in the service industry here make more than salaried professions. You all also forget Steve not only put money into the townhouse but also renovated and did a lot of changes himself so to me that argument about him being a bum is just not true. I think the business going under during the pandemic was the most realistic thing about the new series but to say he was never successful or made money is just a lie. My biggest gripe is Miranda made such a big deal about Steve and Carrie being cheaters but it was 100% ok for her. Also she never told Steve how she felt over the decades, she didn’t give him a chance to fix it or understand how she felt. The marriage being what it was, was completely her fault.

[@divorceguru]

Steve himself is the one who said Miranda should be with someone on her level and that there would always be things out of his reach that he could not give her. I'm not calling him a bum, but he clearly was portrayed in the show as not having much money. Maybe that's unrealistic, but hey it's also unrealistic that Carrie had so many designer shoes. It's a show. The point Steve was portrayed as being broke in the show. Maybe in real life he would not be, but in the show he was.

[@julie2x]

Off the mark completely. This was less about money and more about personal responsibility. Steve could have been a partner and helper to Miranda like doing the laundry, cooking, making her life easier - instead he was a man child who wanted her to be his mommy. Money isn’t the issue. It’s about what is that other person doing in their life (in and out of work) and how are they contributing to the relationship.

[@divorceguru]

I agree but understand that with men, money is a way that this manifests early on. When men have the mentality that they need to be the providers, they also have the mentality that women do all that other stuff. It goes hand in hand. So for a woman like Miranda, dating a man who has that mentality but doesn't have the money is a recipe for disaster. So yes it's not really only about the money, but the way Steve felt about money was a very good predictor of how he would feel about taking responsibility for those tasks normally attributed to women.

[@the_agate_gate3782]

I mean he isn’t wrong- she does deserve way better than him.

[@christieomojo]

The whole decision to move to Brooklyn, really pissed me off. How is Steve able to make such decisions whilst not contributing anything financially.. the writers of the show needed all the ladies to have an arch that ended with them with a guy. It was probably more realistic that Miranda stayed single a little bit longer. Strangely I think aiden was a good match for miranda, a man who had success in the blue collar world, was more laid back and would bring out her fun side.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

Yeah, but Miranda didn't like when Steve whisked her off to the private cabin for their honeymoon. Miranda would have hated Aidan's cabin just as Carrie did. Miranda is a tough one to match up.

[@junxu4438]

They should have casted a much good looking guy to play Steve, that would explain the plot line better. Steve is the hot bartender who can easily pickup young women, Miranda is the brainy lawyer who's always self conscious about her sex appeal. She was fattered to be chased by a hot guy that every woman wants to pick up in a bar.

[@divorceguru]

Yes the way it was made very little sense. Like why would she keep going back to this guy who is not even really that attractive...?

[@FC-hj9ub]

I mean it's subjective, the actor playing Steve isn't ugly and neither is the actress playing Miranda. Also Miranda is not subject to flattery. You can't help who you love and I also think she wishes she hadn't fallen in love with him but she can't help it

[@Ashbrash1998]

​@divorceguru isn't that a little rude though? Like sure tou don't find him attractive but plenty of other people do. Does he have to be model hot like Smith for it to work? Like why would he work a bar if he could just model?

[@divorceguru]

@@Ashbrash1998 I don’t mean to be rude but it’s just a show and he’s a fictional character. Just like men I’m sure pass judgment on which of the women they find attractive, I’m simply saying I don’t find Steve attractive, nor do I find he has a good personality. In Bridgeton speak, I feel he had nothing to recommend him. But don’t take it all so seriously

[@Shaylovespopeye]

It makes me sad they ruined this beautiful couple excuse my language no hate to you but f the Witten’s of just like that I’m so sad I’ll never forgive them that revival is a joke they ruined all couples well the movie for smith and Sam but you get it but it’s joke it’s terrible it’s sad it really is Hollywood ruined everything I think they were perfect for each other I just think you’re wrong if they kept going to thereby put more time in relationship I ship them you and no one else will ruined it for me

[@mirianalajtman7728]

I like your commentary! Your face is also so lovely!

[@tonichan89]

Of COURSE it'd be "fun" for HIM to have a baby if the way PuppyGate went is any indication of how that'd go, and it 100% is. It's classic. Just by default she has to do all the work and he gets all the benefits. Yeah, FUN.

[@judewhitaker9421]

Robert

[@lvpdesign]

It doesn't make sense. Steve is a bartender in New York City. He could be making a lot of money.

[@divorceguru]

And Carrie is a weekly columnist with a closet full of couture. Nothing really makes sense in that world. Just go with it

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@divorceguru Every career on the show, except Big, makes less than $250K per year. They're all living above their means.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@BeYounique...Maryanne Miranda is a corporate lawyer who eventually made associate partner in a successful firm, so it's entirely possible she made more than $250k. Aidan and Samantha were successful in their respective careers and Trey was a specialist who came from old money, as did Charlotte. Once Smith's career took off he was making way more than $250k.

[@BeYounique...Maryanne]

@@MaryTheresa1986 Interesting! Thanks for the info! :)

[@samanthalake5011]

I ❤️ Steve. He was always so into Miranda despite her rude, sarcastic, evil ways. 😅

[@jadacampbell9331]

Pickmeasha

[@Jlk6532]

He owns his own business y’all, he’s not broke, he just dresses down, most of you judged him for how he dressed, typical….

[@chernobilja]

whole 2min of intro omg why

[@LadyShanghai-wj1kh]

When Miranda threw the ‘mortgage/my name’ out there, it was a mask slip. I can’t stand her, she’s a terrible person.

[@divorceguru]

I think that entire exchange was a mask slip for both of them and Steve was really no better than her being a baby about it being HIS house... the house that she never wanted that he made her buy for him...

[@samanthalake5011]

I like this Miranda much better than the AJLT Miranda lol

[@bluecollarlit]

That was the AJLT Miranda.

[@yourfavnurseb9699]

@@samanthalake5011I feel like in AJLT they made her into a total wimp and and insecure teenage girl, they took away all of her strength and power because now she’s a lesbian? It was weird

[@ricardoquiles-rosa5545]

Really hope Steve made out with the house and alimony. He grew accustomed to the lifestyle that this woman provided and she has a responsibility to him and the child she chose to have, despite not wanting to be a traditional mother. It makes sense that she should pay Steve for the rest of his life since she new of the power disparity in both education and earning potential. Lady needs to pay!!

[@divorceguru]

In reality, the outcome would probably be they sell the house and split the proceeds. And remember Steve also owns a bar so they'd have to account for the value of the business in the division of the assets. In terms of alimony, she no longer had her corporate legal job by then so probably no alimony and no child support since their son is grown. If they had separated when he had first cheated, then probably it would be a different story. The issue of alimony and child support is not legally gendered and women do pay it. The only reason the outcomes are gendered is because men rarely become stay at home husbands and fathers the way women do and usually they earn more than their wives when they have children. But hey if men want to flip the script, they should probably start learning to cook and clean and submit with a smile. Oh and make sure to keep themselves pretty and in shape because high earning women like a nice looking man to come home to LOL.

[@josiesan3744]

Miranda didn't deserve Steve. He was too good for her. She is toxic and men equal of earning are not interested in her nonsense and let face it she is like big.

[@divorceguru]

Interesting, you think Miranda is like Big? I never really considered that. I think Miranda definitely had her faults for sure, but I don't see how she is similar to Big. Big was inherently selfish and detached in relationships. Miranda, for all her faults, was not actually a selfish partner. She did everything for Steve, their child, his mother, took care of the family and sacrificed a lot. She may have been unpleasant, neurotic and a bitch at times, but I don't think she had the same kind of callousness or coldness to her that you saw in Big. I'd be interested to hear though why you think she was like Big.