Black Men and Love

[@neekromancer]

I love how pro-men your content is without being anti-woman! You talk & I hear someone who really gets it!!

[@lovelylinda8891]

Agreed!

[@elmstreet2036]

YEESSS

[@kevingonzalez-james6421]

Beautifully said.

[@ioriginale]

Notwithstanding, I actually think his take on the bleachers scene between Monica and Quincy in Love and Basketball was "anti-woman" in it's disregard and dismissal of Monica's needs and the complexities of her psychological and emotional experience at the time. The whole point of this movie is to look at how a young woman is tasked to juggle her professional ambitions with her personal aspiration for Love within an aggressively patriarchal construct - the world of basketball. FD's commentary overlooked the fact that Monica is doing her best to support Q emotionally by actually BEING THERE as long as she is allowed(curfew). That counts for nothing apparently. She's literally trying her best to balance her own needs/interests with his and he(Q) like men often do, is always going to believe his needs in the moment are more important than a life/career that she's worked her ass off for without the help of an NBA legacy to inherit or a penis between her legs. Meanwhile, while Monica is expected to perform all this emotional labor for Q and gets punished when she isn't able to due to constraints outside is her control, when SHE is going through her own existential crisis (lonely in Europe questioning her dreams and her love for basketball), she is forced to deal with it ALONE. And because women are expected to perform emotional labor for men REGARDLESS of what costs, pains, consequences the woman may incur, is exactly why young Black women of today are becoming less and less sympathetic to black men's plight.

[@CorneliusVango]

I agree, also your language is clear and precise while also being inclusive.

[@jebbushu711]

Tbh even though im gay myself i think its really good that youre doing things focused for straight men, theres not enough people out there giving good guidance to straight men and they end up in those redpill channels. Good luck with growing the channel, these vids are what people need

[@missshannonsunshine]

I agree. I’ve never heard of how black men feel and their brain in a non toxic and empathetic way. It makes me so happy to see what I knew was already real and out there

[@happylindsay4475]

This!!! Thank you

[@youngidealist]

Very great point. Try not to get caught up in the compared oppression for this next point, as I'm not equivocating anyone's struggles. To the best of my observations, as a small minority group struggles, they tend to follow through that struggle with the strategies of community just to survive. No one is trading places from a majority to a minority, BUT having some niche communities you can reach out to for support is something to envy when you need and don't have that support. I am straight and white. I've also got some kind of undiagnosed neurodivergence issues I've always struggled with. While it's painful to be alone, what's kept me out of the redpill spaces is the fact that my complaints in life are all entrenched by how inconsistant and dumb people generally are. Those spaces have zero consistency and thus zero real answers. But for those who might be neurodivergent or even just beneath a standard deviation from the mean IQ and not also obsessed with making the world make sense for it, I get why it's attractive from a straight white community perspective. White American communities are not close supportive communities at all. So, even though I still struggle and trigger people with my lack of social intelligence and preference for logic and reason over navigating people's feelings or social heirarchies, I merely preferred to seek a sense of community from learning about the struggles of people who felt ostricized like me, but they knew the reasons why. Hense, my genuine interest in this space.

[@loveriotradio]

yeah, I left Fresh and Fit and now look to this channel for ways improve as a man. Black & 21 btw

[@imjustsaying364]

I’m strait, light complexion, long hair and racially ambiguous and have never met anyone who said I was unattractive even at my heaviest weight. My dad is Black. I grew up with my dad’s family and have his last name. Having said all that, i realize we do not all experience love in the same way, I believe your channel is necessary and I appreciate your work so much! I believe all of us Black people need to deeply examine our emotions and learn to express them in a healthy way. Thank you!!

[@hkr0065]

As a black dude who struggles with driving anxiety (in a state where a car is basically required), I have found that the world is very unkind toward me, especially the dating world. I've worked and worked to overcome my driving fears. I've heard every platitude in the book. I am likely going to have to move to a city with useful public transport. I'd love to feel confident as a guy, but deep down it feels emasculating not having the ability to drive. It shouldn't feel this way, and I know that loads of people are like me...but it is still isolating from a masculine perspective. (Me venting. Please don't try to give me 'driving tips.' That would just prove my point)

[@hkr0065]

@@elijahclaude3413 Hey, thanks for the reply. Dude, ditto on the ADHD comment. I think I have it as well. I have researched it many times. It's challenging getting a diagnosis, especially with how health care is set up. There are many things in my childhood that point to having ADHD, but when you are raised with a black single mom, the last thing they'd want is to have their child diagnosed with a disability by a white system.

[@elijahclaude3413]

@@hkr0065 Yeah same. I'm still scared (and not sure how) to get diagnosed because of my upbringing. But talking to people who are diagnosed, and researching, has explained a lot about my own experience and behavior

[@tamcon72]

I love driving. Lotsa people hate it. Totally understandable why. Like flying a plane, down a street. It does not in any way determine your worth. Good luck figuring this out!

[@smilergal89]

Wow. Driving for me is a complete mentally draining exercise. Have you ever shared this with a date or prospective partner. Im sure any well rounded person would understand. Not a tip - but would you consider any therapies (CBT for example) to help you overcome this if your lifestyle could benefit from it?

[@Robstafarian]

Unfortunately, right wingers have been waging war on public transportation for years (I think I remember that Last Week Tonight included a segment discussing it something like two years ago). Make sure your research includes recent legislation on the subject, as a good city transportation system can only survive while the state legislature is not killing it.

[@allison576]

Not really on the specific topic but I really appreciate your content coming from an older person (context: I'm almost 22) bc I often feel like there's a big gap in youtube commentary where a lot of creators are under 30 (and definitely under 40). I think commentary as a whole and us younger viewers benefit a lot from hearing from more mature people tempered by life experience (something younger creators can't replicate no matter how much reading they do).

[@luiysia]

seriously, i get so frustrated with video essays made by people who are barely out of undergrad and don't have any sense of how things have changed over time

[@Mezeker808]

I'm gonna pretend the one dislike was an accident. Honestly, I've been binging your videos, and it's incredible. Keep blessing us with the content.

[@FDSignifire]

Probably from one of my homeboys he knew I needed a little kick in the nuts to stay geounded and keep my focus good.

[@JaydaSimone]

Scroll down a little bit...the person who disliked admitted to doing it just to keep him humble 😂

[@Antdevamp]

I once was so happy with a lover, I told her, "maybe I'll grow my hair. Dread, you know. Maybe it would be a cool look I've seen a few times.... and..." Her Response: "UH UH NO HELL NO, I AM THE WOMAN AROUND HERE!" (And a lot more, and she was actually serious.) Hey, she's okay, I'm alright. We both found people that worked for us.

[@Zvwry]

Locs are so attractive on men

[@Sabrinaaa36]

glad you got out of there and hope she got more educated

[@marinakesawa7470]

I hate it when people talk about "you have to dress your man." What? You would totally resent it if your partner tried to tell you what to wear or dictate your style. Don't be a hypocrite, people...

[@bmoe4609]

Pay her no mind. We not all like tht. I love men like i do my women. Bald, long hair, everything in between. Shoot even a wig or head tatt

[@TruthNloV3]

As a black woman, I really appreciate your content because it serves as a guide post for what you might expect from a thoughtful, knowledgeable black man with a nuanced perspective. There’s such a gap for this type of content that gives an honest analytical perspective from men that doesn’t bake in degrading or dismissing women’s perspectives. And I’m so grateful to have found at least one place I can come for that.

[@miss_chelles1338]

Same here.

[@Phillyhippie215]

As a Queer Afro-indigenous man who grew up in the streets of Philly. I can’t express enough how appreciative I am of your commentary. I feel like you are healing our world with this. I know you speak from a cis-Hetero perspective, but I hope this continues to resonates with everyone.

[@Purplepalace22]

that bit about your wife made me smile so hard 💕”butterfly season “ I love that 🦋

[@noellecannon1411]

Me too it was sooo sweet and endearing

[@CommunitySage]

Thank you for sharing this necessary point of view. As a black woman, I’ve had to learn to balance my own set of issues and be cognizant to the issues of black men without being a doormat. Over the past couple of years, it’s become clear just how much the patriarchy and white supremacy plays into this all. I’m saddened by how deeply the black community has loathed ourselves and each other as a result of how we’ve been taught to see ourselves. May we all break free.

[@empirelyricschannel]

Amen.

[@benphish]

The internet needs more content about healthy masculinity like this. Confused men are funnelled into some very toxic content nowadays, you're doing great work man.

[@jakefromstatefarm9171]

I watched it and shared it with my wife and my sisters immediately. there is so much in here that I have tried to explain to them before. it's great to have someone that can break it all down so eloquently.

[@shantaiii]

It’s so incredibly refreshing hearing watching a video about black men in love outside of the red pill community. Clear, honest, vulnerable and insightful.

[@Amaniachwen]

Watching your videos makes me feel like I'm in a college classroom -- your work is compelling, thoughtful, deeply compassionate, and witty. Thank you for taking the time and care to add quality conversation and content to today's discourse.

[@lord-of-the-unfinished-project]

As a white dude I feel this. I know it is not geared towards me but it is interesting to see where we all overlap.

[@banefulbty]

Women also have to unpack our internalized patriarchy. In my relationship, watching my partner cry was hard to witness. That initial reaction of thinking less of him at that moment but over time, realizing that it wasn't a weakness. Starting to view him as a whole person vs. a man playing a role

[@chocolateprincess8543]

Even when we do unpack our internalize patriarchy, that doesn’t make it ok for a straight man to be feminine.

[@banefulbty]

@@chocolateprincess8543 Why? whos making up these rules?

[@chocolateprincess8543]

@@banefulbty It’s nature.🤦🏿‍♀️

[@banefulbty]

@@chocolateprincess8543 nah its sociology. What we code as masculine maybe fem in another culture. The color blue wasn't event associated with boys untl the 1980s. Its all made up.

[@chocolateprincess8543]

@@banefulbty It’s a lot of things that are natural to men and natural to women. Hence reproducing. When a woman is pregnant, especially right after giving Birth, she’s not in her strongest element when it comes to providing…another reason why men are the providers. It’s a lot more why men have certain roles and why women have certain roles. It’s brings balance to each other.

[@cholericqlare]

I hope you collect more of this KZbin money because this is an unlearning-to-learn channel that deserves all the flowers.

[@sweetb2750]

Having 4 brothers and them all having different personalities, I totally see the same core issues you point out I believe they think about. It brought to mind how a few months ago my oldest brother reaction to me randomly calling him and saying “I love you” and how his voice and his attitude changed was something I never seen from him. It was random for me too as our family period we were taught to never show emotions (I was 32 and in therapy where I actually cried and that was me 1.5 years into therapy) but how it seemed to make him happy and it was no strings attached showed how possibly starved black men could be to just getting it, even though I am weary on who I give that too. Being married to an Asian guy in the past I saw the weight of what it to be a man across the board for POC men as well and what happens when they can’t follow that criteria but I also see how my help made him more upset and possibly unsafe or threaten by it and more verbally and psychologically abusive towards me because I was understanding. So this made so much sense in my experiences with black and POC men

[@quincyhill1562]

First channel I've turned on notifications for in a long time. Watched a majority of your content in the past 2 days and I'm hooked. You are one of the best video essayist on youtube and now one of my favorite black creators. Keep up the excellent content.

[@purplebunny101]

They way you structured this video is the best. It's so fluid

[@user-bf2ky3tt9c]

I only watched two of your videos, but I can safely say you’re a breath of fresh air! I love the psychological and analytical prospective that you give about black men without being bias or sexist towards blk women. “Social norm” if you will. I thought was alone when came to breakdown the physiological aspect of blk men in America and black ppl as whole. I pride myself being a big supporter of black women and fighting toxic masculinity. I was able breakdown that aspect…but never could verbalize completely the black mans struggle on a psychological level and a sociological level. Because I was wrapped up in the provider and protector idea. This will make me reflect, take slightly different approach. Thanks for this!

[@thearachnakid9059]

I just stumbled upon this page and the way you convey the realities of love for black men and the way it’s showed in the media has made me feel like someone understands. Thank you

[@xavienpowell8075]

Been putting together a project for the last year or two as I’m trying to figure out how to “man”. I’m really glad I stumbled upon your channel, I don’t feel as awkward/alone in noticing the lack of humanity men are given. Thank you for your work and thank you to the men who shared their stories; real rock stars in my eyes ✨.

[@emeraldkween2151]

Your breakdowns are absolutely refreshing!

[@timothybassett2791]

Watching this was suuuuuch a breath of fresh air. My father is caucasian and my mother is African American so as a Black Man this is all too familiar to me and I didn't realize how much of a break down that this constant state of only being valued for what I provide and even for having lighter skin can really do to a man's soul. This was beautifully written, edited, and dived into. Idk about the rest of yall but... Subscriber for life.💯👑

[@chocolateprincess8543]

You’re not black, you’re mixed. Those 2 are not the same.

[@timothybassett2791]

@@chocolateprincess8543 Fredrick Douglass was mixed race, Barack Obama was mixed race, Harriet Jacobs in her book "Incidents In The Life Of A Slave Girl" was mixed race, Ona Judge a runaway enslaved woman from George Washington's plantation from the book "Never Caught" was mixed race... Mixed Race men fought in the Civil War against slavery in The Colored Troops Regiment which is what they were called at the time, Mixed Race people helped their families escape slavery and narratives frequently describe them as helping to take things from the enslavers house to bring to the cabins to help feed their Black Families and Teach them all what they learned from the Big House in closing information that was vital for runaways to escape unnoticed... what you just did in commenting me is called colorism and although being light skinned does come with privilege I am still the second most at risk person to be shot and killed by police in the US and yet I would still lay down my life for my Black Brothers and Black Sisters and to further the cause. Do not tell me that I am not Black. That's that european colorism crap that only pushes us apart.

[@timothybassett2791]

@Tony Stakk Again... what you just did is called colorism... You are literally using a european construct to justify your personal desire to exclude Mixed Race African Americans from the African American Community's struggle. Colin Kaepernick just came out with a new Netflix Film Series called "Colin in Black and White." They want us to hate eachother... it's easier to keep us in chains if we despise one another. Don't let them trick you into thinking how they think.

[@Pickythicky]

To be vulnerable is to be loved. ❤️

[@Kmama801]

I am soooo happy you do these videos! Our people need to learn and become better and you are driving this in a positive way that we never get to see!! Please continue 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@Laura-jj5mp]

This has helped me alot. My ex started seeing another person and broke things off because I moved away. He later told me it was because he felt like I abandoned him, even after we had conversations about me moving away for a new job and school. I always thought I moved so we can both have a better life together, he thought I was moving on without him (even though he supported my move and told me to go and we would be okay and stay together). This really helped me understand how men think and how to approach conversations and relationship building better. We are still good friends, but he often reminds me that we would be together if I never let him behind and it breaks my heart often.

[@dorotheastar6784]

That doesn't mean you should have to stop your life. He needs to deal with that issue. I have abandonment issues too but that's on me not the other person. Differentiation is very important.

[@normandy2501]

@@dorotheastar6784 I can agree with this based on the same experience as well, but I would be lying if I said it didn't lead to approaching future relationships with more levels of detachment than usual for the other person. I've expressed the willingness to let a person go do what they need to the point that they feel like I didn't want them in the first place, kinda falling back into the same typical stoic role that most men are expected to play because it un-ironically seems healthier for both parties where compromise might be too much for one.

[@dorotheastar6784]

@@normandy2501 That can happen and I can see the reason why someone would react that way. But I think self-awareness and Communication go hand-in-hand for any issue. Most people already don't feel safe to say, ' hey, this triggered me and here's why'. I feel like we affects each other in relationships, it's not one sided but sometimes we forget that subconsciously.

[@annoyedbyyourface]

Tell him to stop saying that. Like, that's incredibly rude and passive aggressive. Y'all *BOTH* cosigned you moving so it's not your fault he *chose* to act like a child afterwards. Next time he says that crap you should respond "No, you being immature is why we aren't together. NEXT!" See if he tries that crap again 😂😂😂

[@Laura-jj5mp]

@@normandy2501 this was the problem for me! They let me go so much it felt like they never wanted me! We talked about it we are on the same page now and have no hate for one another. He’s a great guy but we both were still a little young and trying to support each other so badly but in the wrong ways.

[@williedynamyte]

Thank you for making a video showing black men views on love from a complex perspective.

[@SvenDzahov]

This video is beautiful as hell man. Made me tear up today

[@patriciasmith3175]

Very good video! Loved the insight. Happy to get an understanding my black man ❣️

[@TheDabest93]

When can we start the coalition of fighting against Patriarchy?

[@TheDabest93]

@blackJack ?

[@vapx0075]

​@blackJack I see you're feeling very vulnerable. :( Based on personal experience, vulnerability can be shown in the sizzling hostility throughout a person's comments. They're not ready to let go of the negative lessons in their life experiences. Something in the video or a comment sets off the feeling of vulnerability. An aggressive commenter (not in pursuit of a political agenda) is all about protecting their injured insides from being hurt again. What they're spinning was once proven true to them and now that's their default response. For example, not all men are misogynistic a*hoels that abuse their partners and r* their children. What sane person could possibly think that? Someone who's experienced a lot of cult propaganda and brainwashing and had a real experience to back it up. Damage and vulnerability. "It's f*ed up." This is just a YT comment. It's of no consequence to anybody with a healthy mindset. It's petty to respond and it's moronic to read any response back against it. FYI, you can't fight against heterosexuality. Either you're straight or you're not. The only fight is in allowing people to be authentic to themselves. Maybe your vulnerability is that you're not het and you're projecting? Maybe you don't want to get assaulted on the street for just being your authentic self so you don't even want to process the idea. Damage and vulnerability. "It's f*ed up."

[@chrisb.5351]

@@vapx0075 Lol killed em

[@gunnerbadass6218]

@blackJackOk...

[@cynthiag.5048]

Where do sign up pls

[@a11fortyseven]

That intense feeling of love you are speaking about is something i definitely felt once for a year & sum change with my ex and it was the most beautiful thing I have experienced.. I hope to experience that again. Im thankful that I am young and most likely I will and im glad that you have made me realize that I am not unique and a lot of us black men experience this and arent natural dogs😂

[@vintageincolor]

I am so grateful to you for the hard work and thought you put into these videos and providing a fresh take in Black KZbin that comes from a mindful place (god that’s refreshing af

[@victorysampson]

I’ve been loving your videos! I would really like to know more about your set-up. That audio setup looks dope.

[@FDSignifire]

It ain't much really. Just a decent Mic, a normal stand and good acoustics.

[@victorysampson]

I mean your specific tech sir! 🤣🤣🤣

[@common380]

You're nuanced edit breaks are as great as the video and subject. Thanks for this bro

[@rinn1061]

I’m a white woman, and recently found (and binged) all of your videos. Thank you for your analysis. As always, you are incredibly insightful in your thoughts and I really enjoy taking in these perspectives. Commenting for the algorithm ☺️

[@sonyag.coaching]

Great content. I love my black men and I hope black men and women can come together and resolve our issues so that we can rebuild our community and have healthy relationships.

[@Disn3yNia]

I’m mid way through and I’m thoroughly enjoying this ♥️

[@SecundaJoseph]

I really enjoyed this video. Love the way you explore & look at things & use media. Such a healthy way to explore.

[@OKingdomCome]

i don't have the words to describe fully how beautiful this channel is thank you.

[@emilyonizuka4698]

This is making me wonder about my male partner's feelings in our relationship. Do I put pressure on him to be a provider? Does he feel safe being vulnerable with me? This is giving me a new perspective. Thank you.

[@theorderofthebees7308]

Wanted to make a comment - that I feel is a point that needs to made. You spoke about how there is a parallel between women who do not have access to pretty privilege and men who are unemployed and have limited access to opportunities as a result and how folks are unable to see that there are similarities and they are suffering from the same issue. I believe that Beauty is subjective and it changes depending on the time and the location. What is considered pretty and desirable today will change tomorrow- further more beauty is something that doesn’t have much to do with the person that is considered beautiful but everything to do with the person that evaluating their beauty be it the individual or society - however being able to provide - is about obtaining skill - and applying - getting what you need for what you want- being able to provide comes down to skills - that being said I enjoy your videos they are thought provoking insightful and affirming - I gladly share it with friends and family keep the content coming - all the best

[@simeonagbara5488]

Your content is refreshing bro. I appreciate you👊🏾

[@Aidenson]

Great video essay! I constantly hear what a man is supposed to be from both men and women and it always boil down to your value is only being a utility to others instead of a human being which whose value is intrinsic.

[@februaryschild0216]

There is so much in this essay that is outside of mine and my friends experience. I get that the patriarchy places unrealistic expectations on Black men and often tries to defeat their efforts to meet them. I get that black men feel unable to be vulnerable. But, black women "strong" black women, need a port in a storm and seldom get it. There are times we are vulnerable and beg our partners to meet us in that space and all we get is "I buy u this for you or I pay for that." Or we get verbal abuse or cheating for being "weak". Not because we didn't fulfill all of the roles you listed in the video, but because we dared to want more than those roles. It's almost predictable: everytime a woman self-actualizes, many men cheat or leave. If she wants to stay home and raise her children, he feels trapped in the "provider" role. So, on top of being the "perfect woman", she has to bring home a salary or he's stressed. She should make good money, have a bomb body, do sexual acrobatics, have a degree, and THEN comfort him when he's vulnerable? When do black women get to be vulnerable? Bottom line is: WE'RE SO TIRED! We're "strong" for everybody and are criticized for needing our mate to be strong for us. There are so many requirements for black women to be with a black man, but for a white woman? ...but that's your other video. So, many women I know couldn't care less ab their man's pockets bc these women work. They want a soft place to land. So, I'm single. The end.

[@okenguealiyah6777]

Thank you!

[@TheRealLeahBibi]

3:03 BIG UP! My husband and I got married in October of 2004! 17 yrs strong 💪 👏 💖

[@lettieg95]

Loving the commentary and deeper discussion about really being critical of ourselves as black people.

[@J-Hell]

Each video I watch on your channel opens me up to black American culture in a way that nothing else has before. I found this one hardest to watch so far because of the music. I kept rewinding to listen to you and your interviewees again. Something about the music interacts with my ADHD.

[@PlanetViolet]

Thank you for sharing your point of view and putting so much care in this video 💗

[@philjed5178]

Wonderful and thoughtful presentation of a complicated and highly emotional topic. I learned something for myself today. Thank you

[@clintonparks1049]

I enjoy listening to your perspectives about media, relationships, and politics. I'm glad to have found you. And I'm so glad to see a brother from the AUC doing his thing. I just wanted to say Love Jones certainly was a trendsetter, not only with Black romance movies but in culture too. Many venues began to settle themselves with a similar aesthetic afterward, obviate the poetry. However, it wasn't in a vacuum. At the time there were a few, more nuanced Black indie romances that started to appear. Among them were Hav Plenty, the Inkwell, and to a lesser extent Sprung. They were by no means perfect but I think they're worthy of recognition and appreciation. Keep up the excellent work.

[@MorenaRose86]

It's so refreshing to hear a black man speak so lovely about a black woman. It almost brought me to tears to be honest. As a black woman, I'm used to hearing only put downs and criticisms from black men online and in real life. I rarely hear or see myself uplifted in the media or online. I hope this message isn't taken the wrong way. Sometimes I feel like the world doesn't see the humanity or femaleness in black women. Great video and I'm a new subscriber. Looking forward to watching more videos.

[@helluvaplayin7627]

I know that I'm not the only one after reading your comments, but I just wanted to say thank you for not only providing valuable insight into a lot of issues that black people, or black men specifically are going through but, without it sounding too weird, being kinda like a paternal figure to some. Never having had any actual contact with my own father, when I watch some of your videos, it feels like the talks I should've had but never got the opportunity to experience. I'm not a black guy, but as a young man going into this scary adult life it just feels good for someone to talk about shit like this. Thank you, F.D.

[@charnellejackson3641]

First off great video this is a great conversation that definitely needs to be had. With that being said I don’t understand all the slander that Q from love and basketball gets. I really don’t think he’s trash at all, in fact I’d argue that he’s one of the most emotionally mature black male characters that I’ve seen on screen. Even after Monica leaves him feeling rejected he doesn’t drag out his emotional meltdown toward her or continuously try to punish her. He spends a few days at most contemplating his next moves and what he wants to do and then decides to break it off so as to keep both of them safe and not do something that he’s definitely going to regret. He takes the time to learn to stop being his father’s perfect mini me and starts to think about what’s important to him and by the time he makes his way back to Monica they have both grown up a lot and are ready to give their relationship a real shot and yes of course he was engaged to Tyra Bank’s character but I’d argue that his decision to call it off with her to be with Monica was way better in the long run than marrying her knowing he didn’t really want to just so he wouldn’t look like a bad guy. And this is my long winded way of saying not only does Q not deserve all the hate but he is actually a great romantic character who deserves to be praised

[@FDSignifire]

Shhhh don't ruin when I subvert things in a later video...🤫

[@charnellejackson3641]

Oop my bad let me just 🤐

[@sonofatlas1372]

Underrated comment

[@TopKitty414]

I found you a week ago and all of your videos are incredible. This insight and discussion is so valuable. Hope this comment helps boost you in the algorithm!

[@garbageknights]

As a white NB who presents male, I felt this. In a current amazing relationship, I got thinking about our roles, and what that means about us. We make close to the same amount, with me make just a bit more, but I preform like I'm the provider, and they preform as caregiver. This is just a preformance, we both know that we are partners first, we can share roles as needed. This video was wonderful and really helped me understand what we are even doing here

[@Jujubean5508]

I definitely love this video. Also, I have a question I’m truly having a hard time understanding. Why do men become aggressive and overly try to force the most misogynist patriarchal roles once they’re in a financial deficit? It’s like me personally I understand times can be hard and have no problem “holding it down” for a while but why do some men make it so hard for you to love them during those tough times? It just seems like when a man is more financially stable he’s more affectionate and easy going.

[@kimallnaturelle]

I really appreciate this video. I really wish I could say I thought of a Black man's emotional needs more. Culturally... society has really made it difficult for BM & BW to see eachother's full humanity. I've always wanted my hubby to be to be my best friend but have been socialized to be okay with struggle love. Love is not enough to hold a marriage together. I can't speak about other BW but for me...it's a constant struggle to not fear "the struggle", "the lost of peace" and "railroading" a relationship with a man (regardless of race) can have on me. Singleness is so much easier. Now being in a relationship, I'm trying so hard to redefine the masculine/feminine models that I've been force fed. I want to know my boyfriend, be there for him emotionally and am afraid of adding additional pressure on him to provide (once married). Yeah...we talk about marriage, roles a lot. But at the same time... I want security and my peace not challenged. It's hard to not objectify or have such expectations for a spouse (standard wise) without removing the human side. I hope this comment makes sense lol

[@krome409]

Love the fact that you talk about this stuff (even if I hate the phrase "struggle love" but idk maybe I'm misunderstanding). Definitely been ducking your vids in my recommended section lol but glad I finally clicked and listened through a few today. Need more open minded black male voices like this.

[@shazzari]

“We’re doing all this work to combat white suprem@cy but we still haven’t arrived at disentangling it from the way we love each other.” - A WORD🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@truhill26ify]

I just have to say. Just found your channel today Bro, and litterally every video has been amazing. Thoughtful viewpoints, a lot of stuff I have always thought but just never put all together. Definitely going to spread these videos around.

[@shelbyfrancis3961]

As a white woman I"m trying to be better about watching different perspectives on the shit I like, so I watched your Bo Burnham video and now I'm hooked! I really love your content, and while you of course make cultural/life references that I don't get specifically, you do a great job of articulating your perspective and it makes me feel like I understand some aspects of Black Culture/Life better.

[@chikaokoye1563]

I love listening to you speak on topics like this. Please breakdown Love and Basketball, I'd really love that

[@oh.kaylahh]

Just found your channel and I’m so very in love! Thank you for this content and the conversation you’re spearheading in the black community. Sending hella love!! 🎊

[@murieloduro1274]

Some men have been loved and cherish by their single mum, abandoned by their dads, yet hate black women.

[@NamasteInYourLane]

I LOVE the movie " i think I love my wife." Its sucks that it didnt age well and didnt get more recognition. I honestly think the movie was made well.

[@mrtyrone1107]

Really loved this conversation. A friend put me on to this video. Definitely subscribing now

[@farrakobama4518]

I'm so grateful for your existence! This was amazing. All of your shit is amazing. I've been a long time listener but just subscribed. I need to do better with engaging.

[@jerzeenative]

Man, I am fastly becoming a fan of your work. At first I was like: "too long" and now I have viewed several of your videos. I plan to view more. Keep up the great work and continued success to you.

[@lovemelawanzaj]

This is a amazing! Please do a breakdown on love and basketball

[@WhenSaraiSpeaksUListen]

Just wanted to say how much I truly appreciate this video. It is VERY eye opening and helpful.

[@seatheparade]

This was fascinating to listen to, thank you for making it! There's similarities in the pressure to perform masculinity in southeast asian men, but it has a lot more focus on the stoicism aspect and being a quiet, enduring, strong breadwinner of the family that has no weakness and never expresses emotions or talks about how feelings with his partner. It's sad but telling how badly raised men in various different cultures are because of the outdated societal expectations, and I hope that everyone from all genders eventually find their place and understanding in society. And hopefully, finally get some respect at long last.

[@tris5602]

I want you to know that you are the only KZbin channel I hit the stupid bell for. I fuckin' hate notifications, but I truly value your work.

[@theblackdaria_]

The, ----> That smile had me rolling! LMFAOOOO

[@Josbird]

I know I'm very far from the intended audience for this and don't really have the full context due to my experience, but I'm really enjoying your content. It's giving me a lot to think about and a bit of perspective (as much as i can reasonably take away at least).

[@jellosapiens7261]

That record scratch freeze frame after you mispronounced "Asomugha" fucking KILLED me. I CACKLED

[@TheEcstaticFool]

("Yes please!" on the full Love and Basketball breakdown)Really enjoy your content, analysis and perspective. I truly enjoyed the conversations around black male vulnerability. I have so many moments watching your videos where I have to yell out loud like... "WOOO! That had weight!" Good stuff. Thanks for being and sharing!

[@shadwellsong]

looking forward to this one! I love your work, always get my brain moving, these kinds of deep discussions really inform my own art and that means a lot to me. thank you!

[@giannahayes6721]

okay but the story with your wife at the beginning was just so cute i literally audibly said "awwww"

[@Pandemonius88]

All your videos I've watched so far are really really good. Appreciate the long-form and that you add clarification bits whilst editing. Patreon supporting, hungry for more!

[@level43aipom28]

I'm the adopted son of a black man. Dad and I often struggle to get on the same emotional wavelength, he's closed off emotionally but does try sometimes. I watched this video to get some insight and empathy into what he might be going through, so thank you for that.

[@lorekeeper2611]

Commenting for the algorithm gods. I’m new to your channel, but loving everything I’m seeing so far!

[@YaaAgubyKete]

Smh Chris Rocks comment about women and children being loved unconditionally…. Where? How has this unconditional love translated into minimizing domestic violence? Sexual assault? Harassment? How does this unconditional love manifest itself when a woman has to “submit” before she is considered worthy? She has to “take care of home” before she is a good woman…. Please unconditional WHERE?????????😼😼

[@themarathoncontinues4211]

Definitely a very flawed/shallow statement by Chris. I feel what he’s trying to get at is that there is less empathy/sympathy for men when they don’t meet traditional conditions than when women don’t. The lacking pretty privilege by stephco referenced in this video garners empathy across the board. A man making the male equivalent would be shamed more by both men and women in response. It’s definitely conditional for both men and women though

[@ahrims7]

Man, this is a legendary channel...

[@1Shawol416]

So I’m 41 minutes in and I wanna dialogue more on the Oh Stephco conflict because there’s a nuance there that I think is being missed, unless I’m reading this part wrong. But you’re basically saying there’s an equivalency between the black woman being unattractive and therefore struggling to find love and the black man being underpaid and therefore struggling to find love. But I disagree that there’s an equivalency here. Stephco is bringing up that SHE IS (was?) WILLING TO DATE BROKE BLACK MEN. She merely said it would *nice* to know what it’s like to date someone in her income bracket. But when black women are doing for themselves, the men in the equivalent status space do not want THEM. So we’re not talking about men being forcibly single based on their socioeconomic status. There are plenty of broke boo’ed up men. I, like her, absolutely have dated them. In fact, in my 32 years in earth, I’ve NEVER dated a man who made more than me. And I’ve married one and almost married a second! Matter of fact that truth extends to most black women I have ever known. And you can say anecdotal evidence is what it is but ijs from where I’m sitting a lot of black women ARE giving love to black men below their status. But let a black woman be anything less than a solid 7+ and even broke black men will cheat on a good but possibly beauty-challenged woman. It also hearkens back to the cries of black women when they do “struggle love” a man and then when he finally gets to his pinnacle, he dismisses the woman that built him up for a *cough*white*cough* trophy woman. So, make that make sense. I also want to say that I always find these male perspectives, the “she didn’t really care about me she just wanted my money” laments hollow. Why? Because men tell these sob stories about gold diggers but again if you get a picture of these women who hurt them, they will be these beautiful women. And those women know their beauty is commodified and act accordingly. And you mad, bro? You say “men want unconditional love that’s not transactional” yet CONTINUE to select mates based on their attractiveness first. Meanwhile women like Stephco (and myself) who aren’t Instagram baddies would never have put you through these ringers you complain about. Are ready and willing to give you unconditional love. But y’all don’t see us. Or when you do you don’t see what you have and forsake us. It’s just the age old “there’s no good men/women” laments when the reality is we’re all looking for the wrong shit. I’m not necessarily saying if you want real love you have to settle for a woman you feel no attraction to, but I am saying some black men have their priorities messed up and still want to complain. There are other things to be attracted to in a person.

[@BlackTalkNoLimits]

Thank you for sharing this comment! I felt this was a missing piece of the analysis. Plus add in the role of Colorism as a factor of determining who is perceived as attractive. Is the hurt that Black men are experiencing due to patriarchy enough of a motivation for them to work to dismantle patriarchy? I think that many feel the benefits outweigh the negative.

[@1Shawol416]

@@BlackTalkNoLimits nope. That’s what’s wild. They complain about it but also participate.

[@ciporaga7496]

I hear you and i cant disagree with what you said about black men going for more attractive women or white women as well as broke men being booed up. What i will say is that your painting the picture as if all of what you said was 100% how it is. Its not. The point is to acknowledge both points equally reguardless of whether they are equivalent. Not to shut one side down simply based off of how we feel. He pointed something out that the lady on the other channle might have missed. And you pointed something out that he might have missed. But at no point did he discredit her experience. Instead he added something new. A black mans perspective. I dont think equivalence plays a factor here. Just hearing people out and acknowledging that its a concern for black men, despite what other blackmen may do, is what i got from both him and the sentiment you brought up. It would be wrong for me to make the excues of gold diggers, and woman who manipulate(even though they do exist), when a woman brings up her experiences as a way to defend men from legitimate criticisms. Same here but i dont think he critizing, more like an honest observation. But nontheless, i hear you. Your not wrong.

[@butterflygirl01]

Mahogany Pink bw need to watch her!

[@VLM123]

FACTS, FACTS, and did I type FACTS? I am so tired of all the "woe is me" tropes, especially Black male cis-het nerds complaining that women don't want them; however, a Black female nerd who looks like me is overlooked all the time. I get that nerdiness and geekdom are more synonymous with whiteness, so that is also part and parcel of the problem. And that way of thinking/behavior is explained away as "preferences;" however, why don't we get to have preferences, too, instead of complaints regarding a man's height, employment status, etc.? I don' t have a type, per se--I'm attracted to many different types of Black men, but I find that it is rarely, if ever, reciprocated in my direction, as a fat, dark-skinned Black woman. (Yes, I know most men claim not to be attracted to fat women, but that's not 100% true, as we know, as Black men will snatch up a fat white or Latina woman or even a light-skinned fat Black woman in some cases, in a hearbeat). We can't come together if we keep putting these types of thought processes out when it comes to dating each other.

[@MzSoulll]

Phew. you challenged my perspective on love and basketball? I'm subscribing. I been dogging quincy's ass for YEARS...but now I have to watch the movie again and contemplate some of what you've said. this is really great content. shout out to the youtube algorithm.

[@bys5036work]

Your videos are amazing, I've been binging for 2 days straight ❤️

[@purplebunny101]

It's great that you're doing this type of commentary. I've been wanting to hear more after seeing hotdamirock video about "girls"

[@brandensmith2860]

You do really good work that I appreciate!! Thank you for your presence on this app!

[@coolguyjones10]

Love the content, love learning from your perspective and even relating to some of it. Keep up the good work 👏

[@oliviadodge4612]

Congrats on becoming an (official) KZbinr!!

[@zeek803]

as a 28 year old guy this really helps me I sometimes feel like i’m not worthy of dating or love because I can’t pay for everything like I think a “traditional” dad even though my own parents relationship wasn’t like that and I never really understood why that was but I never really understood how you can be influenced by media without even realizing you’ve been influenced

[@KT-fd8sq]

Bro, I didn't even know I needed this but I did. Thank you, liked and subscribed.

[@richarddickerson1822]

For real, your work is well made and it is appreciated

[@nisaj5736]

I've just recently discovered your channel. Thank you for providing your perspective.

[@ivannaguerra7364]

The phone sign with the hand!!! Lolol I’M DYING!! 😂😂 But the youths do talk on the phone, but FaceTime is most common.

[@julissasacalxot7612]

I'm from Guatemala, I dated 2 black men in my life, Garifunas💖, and I can tell this video is accurate AF. I freaking love this video.

[@greenlight1524]

Powerful work! It is great to understand each other.