First Sergeant - Campfire Stories

[@thej2241]

Lt. Sergeant and Sgt. Lieutenant sound like characters you would meet in a random encounter in a fallout game.

[@mitchellpatterson3044]

Oh my god yes i love it. Imagining them at opposite ends of a camp.

[@Noah-nk5og]

And when they’re used in a quest instead of a marker it’s just a question mark over both of them. They don’t give details either it’s just “go ask sergeant” or “check with lieutenant on that one”

[@warbacca1017]

I know I took care of a dog for a guy with the last name "commander", but how do you get "lieutenant" as a last name?

[@founderoftheempire8589]

@@Noah-nk5og Its funny because those two names seem like someone that would send you on a goose chase to the other

[@Noah-nk5og]

@@founderoftheempire8589 you’re catching on

[@ClonedGamer001]

"I think he went to Fort Leavenworth" "Fort Leavenworth is a prison" "Correct"

[@larrychilders6599]

Worse than Polk?

[@ClonedGamer001]

@@larrychilders6599 Oh definitely not. If it's a known prison, you understand you're in there until they decide to let you out. With Fort Polk, there's the illusion of hope that maybe you can escape the circus of incompetence. But it's a lie. There is no escape. Fort Polk is beyond a prison. It's a nightmare.

[@JohnDoe12345.]

From what I've heard from Zach, agreed.

[@lornbaker1083]

Sounds like some sort of bizarre military style non liminal space. Like the back rooms but worse you have to deal with military incompetence of fort Polk.

[@virgiljericho664]

@@larrychilders6599 No. Only criminals go to Fort levanworth. Any man good or bad can be sent to hell i mean Fort Polk

[@dr.bright6272]

Solider: *has melted his gun* can you fix this? Zach: only if you have a time machine.

[@LazlotheInstigator]

I was a crew chief in the Army on Blackhawks… it’s our helicopter, we allow you passage.

[@warbacca1017]

Answer these 3 riddles to gain safe passage...

[@LazlotheInstigator]

@@warbacca1017 1 - Did you pack these bags yourself? 2 - Have you been in possession...

[@THENemesisXX99]

​@@LazlotheInstigator Whats the third one?

[@LazlotheInstigator]

@@THENemesisXX99 Where do you throw up... cargo hook hole that is... if you can get to it

[@berbtheherb]

@@THENemesisXX99 most dont get past the second question

[@nonverbalpie8151]

When Zach named the acting first sergeant Bob my first thought was "Oh no Baloney Bob got a promotion". That would explain why he's so incompetent he doesn't know how the military rankings work.

[@Dum_Nathan]

Im glad I wasnt the only one that thought that And im pretty sure that if Baloney Bob got promoted even to PFC, the army would be in danger

[@TheGrimTemplar]

I thought boloney bob was a marine then again I'm 3/4 of a bottle of rum in right now so I could be misremembering.

[@7rhymes599]

@@TheGrimTemplar Don't worry, you're still smarter than Baloney Bob. I bet you $10 to drink the rest of the rum outta his cup.

[@Ribbons0121R121]

baloney bob first sargeant

[@Megalomaniac_Trans_Lesbian]

Was my first thought too, but then I immediately thought that if Baloney Bob had gotten promoted not just to sergeant, but to master sergeant, when Zach was kept from that for bullshit reasons, we would have heard about it before Cx

[@jujuteuxOfficial]

"i thlammed my barrel in the car door" took me a second to realize where it came from and now i'm losing breath mike you're 'mazin

[@capacitatedflux]

"You SLAMMED your BArrel IN the CAR door!"

[@sirlionson2207]

@@capacitatedflux oOoooOooOOOooO

[@MrMoron-qn5rx]

@@sirlionson2207 [slam] [heavy grins] [door falls off] "... its only magic" [sniper gets killed by heavy]

[@crowman2702]

I just want to see a show, a military show, and it has a major character who is a Small Arms Repairman like Zach, and it's a running gag that characters are bringing him broken weapons and he's super fucking annoyed about it.

[@heliosspecialistarrogant7031]

No zach is a side characters but with a ds9 level of effort put in it and we at least start or end each episode on him.... Last episode is only about zach and some how the day zach fix all the weapon in the shop and some how the war end... But the twist is now alien are invading so we got a spinoff of zach learning how to fix space gun for a space "marine" to show up and it's just mike face cgi on Terry Crews boddy in a halo looking armor... So the plot of that spin-off is simple zach is a pseudo tech priest and fix the gun mike break and so they have only one weapon available for the all season and last episode zach finally fix the bolter gun.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@heliosspecialistarrogant7031 Your comment causes me pain to read, and to understand. It also pains me to see you give the idea of a fucking Spartan from Halo using one of the God-Emperor's Holy Angels Of Death's most sacred Bolt Gun. The amount of itching my "Delete that shit from orbit via bombardment harder than Kryptmann" finger is experiencing is harder than terminator armour.

[@heliosspecialistarrogant7031]

@@airplanemaniacgaming7877 those where were terminologique not directly using a bolter but a gun that act like a bolter

[@alucardleon708]

join the military and become an armorer, you just watch that shit AND bitch out officers who can clean shit or lose shit

[@GamerJV]

I've seen M*A*S*H* before.

[@sirusburningham4521]

Watching Zach go off on an ADHD fueled rant that branches off into like 3 or 4 other side rants makes me feel better about when it happens to me.

[@jyxtheberzerking4824]

it's so entertaining to listen to a branching rant where one thing that pissed off your buddy reminds them of ANOTHER thing that made them absolutely livid. the sheer rage at the stupidity of people they work with, or a difficult work problem, i love listening to that. rarely happens but it's always a treat.

[@adenkyramud5005]

@@jyxtheberzerking4824 I bet you'd enjoy my constant rants about gun stuff then... And my dad would probably be thankful if you'd listen to it so he doesn't have to 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@superdude7254]

Same

[@darc22005]

Happens to me all the time. usually ends up in fun weird conversations

[@slogyourgrogyouoldseadog]

"AND ANOTHER THING!" ah, the ADHD experience. Love it.

[@K4RN4GE911]

When Zach said that the "First Sergeant" got a double helping of humble pie, I actually applauded. God, I wish assholes like that getting theirs was the norm, especially after hearing about some of the shit that he had to go through in the past few years.

[@ashwolf2006]

True maybe in an alternate timeline the guy who stole Zach's cabinets got his ass handed to him, and was kicked out of the military for his own stupidity

[@zildjian2381]

@@ashwolf2006 Anger management cannot fix that amount of bs

[@BlackMoonHowls]

Door dash is the same trying to convince me I have a cell phone, credit card and back account and I ordered something when it's clearly the neighbors. TWICE it happened to me in the SAME hour. BOTH times were the so convinced in their confidence of their incompetence that I MAGICALLY ordered this food from Sonic and someone was PISSED their food went to the same house twice that wasn't their own. I wanted to fucking slay them on the spot, the second time I had just taker the first order to the neighbors to sort out among themselves, it was obviously on of theirs. NOT five minutes after taking a shit after sorting out the clear mistake, not having time to wash my hands, *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* I throw open the door with such force it takes the man aback a little and I demand they take this back and make sure my address WAS NOT the one THEY were given by some dick head that makes me think it was intentional I about thre the food in their face with shit stained hands and I hope whoever did this is being questioned by the Police WITH massive food poisoning. NO cell phone or bank or credit card. Riddle me this Batman how did this come to be?

[@BlackMoonHowls]

@@zildjian2381 Yes and also, stupidity cannot be fixed or even addressed. It's sheer fucking hubris is what it is at that point. Refer to my comment down below.

[@csmead209]

Yeah, after Fallout 76, Fallout Dusk, and Fallout: The Frontier, Zach deserves better.

[@jeffeyink2]

i had a guy on my submarine refuse to be a chief. he was a 20 year E6 and refused to make chief, he wanted to be hands on and chiefs aren't allowed to do the maintenance. he is a nuke mechanic that was the most knowledgeable person I've seen in the nuke field.

[@bthsr7113]

Well if a skilled nuclear reactor mechanic wants to retain that position, i wouldn't want to argue.

[@jeffeyink2]

@@bthsr7113 me neither, but CCCs and officers constantly do

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@jeffeyink2 Military Intelligence does Military Intelligence stuff. AKA the officers who think they're hot shit are gonna feel not so hot when that reactor has a big fucky-wucky and they gotta Emergency Blow.

[@ashwolf2006]

@@jeffeyink2 the CCC's are a bunch of moron's who doesn't know what they are doing and their incompetence causes more problem when they're trying to promote someone to a position they dont want to be part off.

[@Kaikai1928]

Nukes are... a weird bunch. Should have figured he was an MMN, because the ones that care about their machines can be VERY passionate about other people fucking up their shit.

[@dragonheart5312]

"I Sthammed my barrel in thee car door" "You slammed your barrel in the car door!" *SLAM* (Screams in court martial)

[@popuptarget7386]

Had a trailer go up in flames with (supposedly) 5 M16A1s in it. The remains were brought to our shop to code out. Two rifles were mostly intact but crystalized. The other three were mostly "missing". I am sure the bolts, barrels and most of the trigger mech must have melted. Also had a damage statement for a guy who broke off his selector lever. Claimed it was due to a frozen creek he crossed. The paperwork was awesome work of fiction. I long ago stopped correcting people who thought I was an armorer. Too exhausting.

[@MacKennaTheGoddessofRadiation]

What does it mean for them to have crystalized

[@Monkeynuts502]

@@MacKennaTheGoddessofRadiation Probably all the plastic parts had fused together, that or the oils in the gun had polymerized(turned into plastic, think super baked on grease on an old pan) in the heat and stuck everything together.

[@MacKennaTheGoddessofRadiation]

@@Monkeynuts502 oooooh

[@popuptarget7386]

@@MacKennaTheGoddessofRadiation it was the aluminum alloy of the receivers. They got overheated and were brittle.

[@MacKennaTheGoddessofRadiation]

@@popuptarget7386 ah, so it wasnt like they were all sparkly and crystally? (If i sound stupid, apologies as I'm not a good chemist"

[@eskimodude812]

I used to show some of these to my Dad who was retired army and he loved to listen to them, always made him chuckle. He passed last year so every time I listen to these it reminds me of him and always puts a smile on my face.

[@IAmGeeSnap]

i played um for my dad too he sometimes makes me stop um to tell me a story or two big hugs 2 u keep on smiling

[@icarusfx]

Sorry for your loss. I’m not former military, but I got a serious chronic illness before the pandemic hit and had to spend the whole time basically locked in my house. Played Long Dark and watched these videos almost daily - really helped keep my mind off things.

[@TRP_7022]

I’m sorry for your loss. My dad passed away on the 4th of July this year so I feel your pain. He wasn’t military but was an awesome person who always went out of his way to help people. He sacrificed so much just to make sure I was safe, fed, and sheltered. I bet your dad did the same. I hope you at least got to say goodbye to him before the end. My dad always told me he wanted to die either in his sleep or like a famous person. He did both. Sadly that person was Elvis but still. I know your dad is watching your every move. Applauding when you do great things and hugging you with all his strength when something bad happens. A particular line in Skyrim always made me feel strange when I heard it. The Nightingales think that when a nightingale dies they become part of their luck in a way. Sorta like a guardian spirit I guess. This idea makes me happy when I think of him following me around helping me or just being there. I just wish I could give him a hug and say I love you one more time. Sorry for the essay. Just want people to know they’re not alone. Even after death takes the people we love.

[@eskimodude812]

@@TRP_7022 Honestly, this came at a time when I really needed to hear it most, thank you for taking the time to write this. I think I understand how you feel.

[@Bluecho4]

Condolences

[@prjndigo]

'you will refer to me by my husband's rank' "Mam, you're out of uniform. I'll have to report you for discipline."

[@danmcman7552]

i missed these so much, awesome to see that yall dug up another good one

[@MuffinMammoth]

How the shit does it say your comment is 7 days old?!

[@danmcman7552]

@@MuffinMammoth video comes unlisted before it goes public

[@ashwolf2006]

@@danmcman7552 patreon. Which is fine on videos

[@MuffinMammoth]

@@danmcman7552 Ah, okay that makes sense. I figured it was just youtube being stupid.

[@sovietspycrab718]

Good ol time these are

[@Zenn_Chan]

It’s so nice to hear a soldier in a command position actually doing what they’re supposed to: the Major and Crew Chief, telling him to shut the hell up

[@tetsatou2815]

Yep. Much like a naval vessel, you rank stops mattering the moment you board. This is THEIR ship, you are a guest, and will comport yourself as such, or you will find yourself removed from the aircraft.

[@WoobooRidesAgain]

14:54 If you're curious as to how an M4 barrel can get warped that badly by having a truck door slam on it, note that with the uparmor upgrades to Humvees, that door would have probably weighed somewhere around 600 pounds.

[@gaskamp2]

And apparently the guy tried to close it several times before he realized the gun was there.

[@AmericanGrunt.]

That looks like it was ran over by a bradley!

[@DJGumm3yG4t0r]

To be fair to the "first sergeant" in every firearms or hunting course I've taken in Canada has said that there is a brief period of upward rise before stabilizing even when the barrel is completely level. So regardless of if thats true, doubtless he was taught this by a professional at some point in his life.

[@anonymouskultist]

Part of spin stabilization causes that however most instances of it with 5.56x45mm are within the first 300 meters or so and is already on it's downward trajectory after that.

[@hecksters423]

Season finale involves a Pancor Jackhammer

[@phil2082]

No. If you shoot level, your bullet goes out and only down. If you shoot at a downward angle of any amount, your bullet never rises. There is always one point of impact of the bullet at any distance to zero a scope at. Sometimes the bullet will have to arc to get to the zero distance. Sometimes the zero distance is so close that the bullet is rising to get to the point of aim. Regardless, this confuses everyone for some reason, and no one knows how to think about this for some reason.

[@egoalter1276]

You only get bernauli effect lift on a bullet if its spinning on an axis perpendicular to the dirwction of travel. Eound musketball basically. Minié and spither bullets only turn on an axis paralell to their direction of travel, so airspeed is equal both above and below them, creating no difference in pressure, which could generate lift. So the only forces acting on the bullet arw gravity and air resistance. (And the coriolis effect iver extremely long ranges, due to the earths rotation, but thats also a sideways deviation, and only applies if shooting in a north south direction).

[@maximaldinotrap]

Alternate Universe Corporal Zach be like: Yeah, I am in charge of you five guys and I got these weapons to fix. I need you to write up a list of parts I need and order them.

[@cobraglatiator]

MINIONS! gun repair minions.

[@cjnf11]

Do you think these would be the most careful with their guns soldiers (at least after some time)? Because they would know the wrath of Zach better than others.

[@Lo-tf6qt]

God E4 mafia Zach would've been terrifying, imagine you brought a fucked up beyond repair gun for him to fix and Zach "tactically acquires" your subscription to life

[@jeffreykirkley6475]

​@@Lo-tf6qt "Oh, the barrel now has a 720° angle in it? Okay Private, go over there and explain in detail what happened while running for your life."

[@tunerrestorations]

That wouldn't happen because Zach would not trust somebody else to make the list properly and order the right parts

[@cerberus144]

I live not far from a military town and I have heard some chick say to a young Marine "You will refer to me by my husband's rank." To his credit, the man in the camo outfit said "No ma'am, I will not."

[@timspeller4084]

Based

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

If she wants to be addressed by rank, she should join up

[@londinwelton3874]

man, somehow you got funnier since I've joined the military. also learned that it doesn't matter what branch you're in, if your base/fort name ends in "olk" you're gonna hate it.

[@bthsr7113]

Norfolk?

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@bthsr7113 If you're in the Royal Navy before/during WW2, does the County-Class Heavy Cruiser count as a fort/base?

[@bthsr7113]

@@airplanemaniacgaming7877 American and never served, but I've heard one vet on youtube saying he didn't care for being stationed at Norfolk, Virginia. Was hoping for elaboration.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@bthsr7113 I'm just making a joke about the HMS Norfolk, one of the first ships to spot the Bismarck before the Battle Of The Denmark Straits.

[@bthsr7113]

@@airplanemaniacgaming7877 ah

[@stevemanart]

An E1 in the navy is called a Seamen/Airmen/Fireman Recruit depending on your job, but the recruit would be dropped under most circumstances, and in boot camp before you started your job training you were a Seaman. I went to boot with a guy whose last name was Swallows, and in the next division over there were guys named Drinks and Handler. Seaman Swallows, Seaman Drinks, and Seaman Handler.

[@moritamikamikara3879]

Don't forget about Pvt. Parts!

[@goldman77700]

I knew a guy in bootcamp named seaman seaman. 😂

[@scottmacgregor3444]

When I heard that it was a MK 19 in this story about ruined guns, my first thought was "Oh god, I hope nobody exploded/died." Going up in flames hopefully happened when there was no ammo in the bin. Even chalk rounds would have a decent propellant charge. I wonder if that's part of why it melted?

[@dragonstormdipro1013]

Combination of that and burning CLP.

[@scottmacgregor3444]

@@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus except that the guy who lubed it flammable might not be the only one around when it went up energetically enough to melt steel.

[@nicholashodges201]

@@dragonstormdipro1013 I'm thinking he used something other than clp and he used waaaay too much of what ever it was. It burns, but it doesn't burn like *that*. He had to have used motor oil or something equally stupid. Whatever he did, he got lucky he didn't get someone killed.

[@BR4IN1N4J4R]

We had an acting First Sergeant who was equal parts the coolest guy to work with (I was in Battalion HQ, and the lowest ranked officer I dealt with was a Captain) and a raging peckerhead. I feel for Zach... On the topic of "moments of absurdity," there's the time we flipped a 113 followed by a wrecker, the time we caused the entirety of the ranges to be shut down for 3 hours because we lit the berm on fire and PISSED OFF a bunch of SF guys doing their Barrette Light 50 qual, the time we got a 2 year ban from the demo ranges because some genius in our chain of command decided to burn the last of the det chord by writing out company number out in it and setting it off during a drought, which subsequently lit the range on fire (again), and the time we had a runaway Mk19 and the poor girl behind it fucking froze and I sprinted over and twisted the belt only to get reamed by her sergeant. Good times...US Army: the most fun you never want to do again

[@AshyGr33n]

woah hold up wdym "a runaway Mk19"

[@phyllotaxis]

How in the hell did you manage to flip a wrecker? Those things were the only vehicles marines couldn't figure out how to break.

[@BR4IN1N4J4R]

@@AshyGr33n basically, if a machine gun continues to fire after you've let go of the trigger, we call that a "runaway." Now make that a Mk19 and IDC how badass you think you are, that's a "can't fit a sewing needle up my ass with a sledgehammer" moment

[@BR4IN1N4J4R]

@@phyllotaxis forget to put the feet down when flipping a 113 Armored Troop Transport on sand

[@bthsr7113]

A runaway MK 19!? Yeah, that's terrifying.

[@zacharysiefer8272]

Ah reminds me of the time when I had to explain to a pilot how bad our maintenance was at the company I worked for. Hooked up the single point line to the plane and as soon as I opened the valve on the nozzle the valve handle snapped off like a fucking twig. Only thought I had go through my mind was how can I explain this in a way that doesn't make me look bad as I was only 19 at the time and was given this flight at the last minute as it was a diversion from JFK Airport. Called my boss and told them exactly what happened and when I walked up to the cockpit I told the PIC "Sir I got good news and bad news. Good news is I can get you the fuel you need to get to JFK. Bad news is unless my maintenance crew shows up and can get the hose off the plane youre gonna be dragging a 10000 gallon fuel tanker along with you as one hell of a external tank." Pilot came down with me and by a stroke of luck the valve handle had snapped just past the lug that would have locked the nozzle in place to where it couldn't disconnect with the valve open.

[@bthsr7113]

Yikes.

[@zacharysiefer8272]

@@bthsr7113 yikes indeed.

[@ODST_Parker]

These stories simultaneously make me have much more respect for people in the military and NEVER WANT TO JOIN THE MILITARY.

[@kekula69]

i don't know why anyone would ever choose to join the military. maybe that line of thinking is more common than i think considering recruitment rates are so low. deservedly so

[@Dylan_Sterling]

@@kekula69 I joined for the education benefits and traveling. I traveled to the far away and exotic place that is Missouri

[@kekula69]

@@Dylan_Sterling better than fort bragg or polk

[@justanotherguy3215]

​@@Dylan_Sterling "they'll promise you the moon and a sandwich, and they'll give you a sandwich" thats what my dad always told me, along wil "you'll never get rich by digging a ditch, your in the army now"

[@crowgeddon8770]

​@@kekula69 well I mean, some people just want to suffer and watch others suffer. Like me

[@Blader445]

My grandfather was a Sgt Major. It made growing quite interesting. He was a Crew Chief for a Flying Crane Helicopter. You do NOT screw with the Crew Chief, at any time.

[@Lazarus7000]

There's a whole thing of breaking something in precisely the right way that it ceases to be your problem. I remember talking with a fellow whose squad had come up with the tactic of breaking the HMMWV right before they were done with it because that made it someone else's problem to clean it up. The disappointment manifests when they realize that this has blown-back some labor onto them.

[@boothead9495]

Oh god the broken guns stories just reminded me, in an ASLAV there’s 3 mounts for the crew’s rifles. The driver has theirs right behind them on the engine panel so they can drop their seat and grab it. The gunner has theirs in the back of the vehicle, outside the turret just within arm’s reach. And the commander’s bracket is inside the turret next to their seat. When an ASLAV turns it’s turret not much will stop it’s hydraulics so there were a a number of snapped legs and such with dickheads swinging their legs through then getting caught but that hadn’t happened for years. Well out field one of our crew commanders knocked his rifle out of the bracket it was in and didn’t notice so as they went to turn the turret it crushed the rifle (an EF88 Austeyr, looks like an AUG). The barrel was bent 45 degrees and all the polymer around it was broken to shit

[@markdavis180]

My grandpa was a crew chief on a chinook back in the 80s through Desert Storm, he told me tons of cool stories, like how he was flying around a piece of artillery but it wasn't strapped in right, so he ended up having to cut it loose over the beach at Camp Lejune. That gun went barrel down and buried itself several feet deep in the sand, and some poor marines had to go and dig it out lol.

[@randomguyblank1616]

7:18 so fun fact, the placement of objects on any aircraft, helicopter, plane, etc. needs to be calculated so that the aircraft does not become unstable from the uneven load. So if a crew chief, pilot, basically anyone running the aircraft says "hey don't put that there" you don't put that there unless you wanna gamble and possibly see how the soviets lost most of their admirals in a plane crash.

[@egoalter1276]

That one involved some furniture bojght at a bargain being improlerly secured if I remember right.

[@Ragindeath415]

I love Zach's stories as an armorer. I could only just imagine the kind of things he's seen.

[@Ribbons0121R121]

you poor soul

[@krisnaputramaulidan2843]

Yes "armorer"

[@voidshard43]

First, 'armourer' really broke my soul, second, only the worst of damaged small arms

[@kenwhite1898]

Finally another campfire story, these are what I live for

[@Otterdisappointment]

A Master Sergeant that gets his ballistics from Battlefield 3 sounds like a transfer waiting to happen for one of you

[@egoalter1276]

He probably got it feom some fudd lore. Round cannonball and round musketball do have an initially rising trajectory, because uneven air resistance inevitably imlarts on them a spin opposite the direction of travel, which accelerates the airstream on their top surface, creating a lressure differential according to the bernauli principle, and generating lift. Most people cant even comperhend aerodynamics relating to airplanes, so expecting the same with bullets is unreasonable. But suffice it to say, spin stabalised spitzer bullets dont experiwnce this motion, or this force.

[@Otterdisappointment]

@@egoalter1276 I guess he thought recoil and just shitty barrels had a weird effect on where that bullet is going out

[@MrRickulus]

Hearing your campfire stories just makes me feel like Zank should record some VRchat content telling stories

[@eduardoquinonez2929]

Have these two meet up with Azael, the SWAT guy, and the bounty hunter dude, and all the other military guys he had on.

[@airplanemaniacgaming7877]

@@eduardoquinonez2929 Imagine SWATtheory (the SWAT guy Azael has met) getting to meet the guy who is the "boot in the field" version of whoever fixes their firearms when the normal guy is like "I ain't qualified enough to unfuck this shitshow."

[@jyxtheberzerking4824]

the only question left is what avatar he should use: anime cat maid, living meme, or alien.

[@MrRickulus]

@@jyxtheberzerking4824 clearly he'd be a raccoon

[@jeffreykirkley6475]

​@@jyxtheberzerking4824with the right process, Zank could actually export his new vegas character and just use that.

[@afinoxi]

"They have a sheep dakimakura" **hides my Watame dakimakura** dunno what you're talking about

[@jean-bastienjoly5962]

Niiiiice!

[@HanMestov]

Good taste

[@georgeridden1705]

A man of culture.

[@moritamikamikara3879]

Watame brings vengeance! *R E V E N G E F O R C H E C H N Y A ! ! !*

[@TheFuzzyhippo]

"I shlamed my barrel in the car door" caught me so off guard 🤣 I love that video

[@steckelton717]

The campfire stories were the first videos I watched and that made me subscribe, being a Patreon now and seeing a new one pop up feels rewarding :3

[@christophermarkee5445]

The campfire stories and Zach being gun nut is what made me fall in love with this channel.

[@Le_Robban]

Gun rants and fallout content

[@taxidermyminotaur5340]

the automatic grenade launcher story was a good one, honestly i feel like zach can write a book about his experiences during his time in the US military

[@battysparton65]

Dammit Mike. "I slammed my barrel in the car door." had me nearly fall out of my chair laughing. Edit: wow uh... why is this one of my most like comments. Okay awesome. Also keep up the great work Mike and Zach

[@phillipmele8533]

“You slammed your barrel in the car door?!?”

[@orangeismyfavoritecolor]

Dude same hahah

[@TheDoctorFromArknights]

@@phillipmele8533 *W H A C K! Door Closes On The Barrel* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH" *The Marine Screams as now he needs to see the small-arms repairman and the he will be L I V I D*

[@kimbertactpro9]

Relating to the first story, my dad had a guy who’s last name was General. In the showers, they would say “The general is coming!” All the new guys would stay at attention then get really confused when a corporal walked into the room.

[@FutureSoup]

I really want to see the MK19 story animated by that one guy who does all the animations.

[@rustyshackleford2633]

Has anyone considered making a mod that basically just mixes all of Mike & Zach's stories together? Like you get captain Highspeed, and Baloney Bob, and Ghost, and get to live out the Bradley incident and the portapotty mortar.

[@marinenukem]

The fact that Zach just keeps on talking as if Mike didn't just say "I thlammed my barrel in the car door!"

[@roadhouse6999]

-Master- First Sergeant Bob: My role as First Sergeant means that's how you'll address me. Role is more important than rank. Staff Sergeant Schmuckatelli: Okay, so my role as crew chief means I'm in charge of this helicopter regardless of rank. -Master- First Sergeant Bob: Hold up Seriously, though, a captain couldn't give orders to a sergeant major in practice, and a lieutenant wouldn't give orders to a first sergeant. Hell, I've seen a Sergeant Major give a Captain a very stern talking to. We were on the team live fire range and we'd just finished the blank firing iteration, but we couldn't go on to using actual live rounds because for some reason, the medics didn't show up. So we were waiting around for a few hours. This was in Georgia in the spring, so our company commander, being a reasonable leader, had everyone take off their helmets and armor and sit in the shade while he walked around and told people stories about how to be better leaders. Sergeant Major rolls up in a GOV, starts talking to some of the soldiers, and then walks over to the commander - I didn't hear exactly what he said, but I could tell he was a bit upset that there was a whole infantry company just laying around without their armor and helmets on. After that conversation ended, we had to put all our shit back on to do nothing for about an hour or so while we waited on the medics.

[@Ribbons0121R121]

yike

[@egoalter1276]

The only situation I can imagine where an NCO can lecture an officer is if explicit regation is on their side. It all comes down to responsibility. The company commander is personally responsible for the conduct of his company, and the outcome of his orders. Unless those orders are explicitly illegal, which not wearing ppe on a firing range may well be, people from the executive side have no business interfering with them.

[@cornersofromania5826]

god Zack's stories get better and better every time, i would say those should be turned in a short format podcast

[@brandoncarlson2862]

"Fix my gun, magic man."

[@Mote.]

Zach's military stories, i always get so into them like a book. I imagine his gun repair room and the barracks and beds

[@SollowP]

I had a First Sergeant named Combat (Or his name translated would be Combat) and he taught our entire platoon of conscripts hand to hand combat. He did also have like 7 knives on him at all times, hidden fucking everywhere. So he wanted one of us to grapple him, which one of us did, just to pull a knife on the person from somewhere he was hiding one of his 7 knives. He also wanted to show how easy it really is to choke someone. So he asked if there was any volunteers, I was the only one who raised my hand. He grabbed me from behind, still talking with everyone in the gymnasium and I could still totally breathe normally. Then he went "Here you can see, if I just tug a little bit" and I started to choke the second he moved his arm. So yes, First Sergeant Combat taught hand combat.

[@alleyesonme24]

15:00 Absolutely underrated comedic masterpiece of a line.

[@naxmorvigatore4168]

God I love these, and it feels especially good when the dickheads Zach's talking about get their karma, it's also fun to imagine the guns in the way Zach describes them and his facial expressions as he rants about how impressively fucked up they are, episodes like these need to be animated into a cartoon

[@b1battledroid476]

"If it ain't broke, it hasn't been issued to the infantry." 48th of the 70 Maxims of maximally effective mercenaries

[@violetsapphire952]

I can't get out of my head the image of Zach trying to explain to the infantry how irreparably fucked their mk19 was like some version of the parrot sketch. "It is an ex-grenade-launcher. It has ceased to be."

[@jerry-don]

Listening to Zachs stories makes me want to be a Small Arms Repairman. Though I'm sure he would yell at me and say no you do not

[@SaltyGamer41]

As an ex crew chief that crew chief story brought me great joy.

[@dragonrider9943]

14:03 Zack: "The whole machine gun was MELTED" Mike: n e a t

[@lordofgarbageprogenitoroft4147]

"I thlammed my barrel in the car door" I can't breathe

[@BenCDBrown]

I worked a civilian job in a NG base after I got out. We had two new privates to the unit and they didn't know where to go, so I got on the intercom and called for their NCO. I said "Sgt Smith, please come to the desk and grab your privates."

[@chingletree5397]

So very happy to see that the well of stories has not yet run dry. These might be my favourite of all Mike and Zach's content.

[@Covah86]

Knew a guy in 2 CAV back in the day who'd been promoted to Sergeant 7 times. He didn't want to be Sergeant, he just wanted to command his ASLAV. Each time they promoted him he'd immediately take a swing at the CO, usually the moment they swapped out his rank slide. Back down to Corporal. Eventually they had his wife promoted him.

[@Will-bo7kg]

Just makes me think of "you may sit on the council but we will not grant you the rank of master" 😂

[@yocapo32]

Back in high school I met like three other guys who had the same name as me, so we used to hang out after recess was over so when the dean called out to us, we would just all answer at the same time, it was great.

[@Vick_Squeeze]

2:36 we got this Chief who acts very similar to that. Man’s would get mad at his people for literally doing what he asked and would say that’s not what he told em to do lol

[@AstroRayGun]

CLP goes on everything. I'm on a destroyer as a fire controlman working with gunners mates. My division owns everything between the small arms to the 5". Basically, if it's not rocket propelled, it's ours. We do live fire events all the time. We found out that soaking the barrels in CLP causes the guns to create big ass fireballs when you fire. I shoot the 5" and the fireballs were huge but the CIWS was the absolute coolest to watch. Just looked like a bonfire at the end of the barrels😂

[@tex5538]

Always love hearing yalls stories

[@brockdees8080]

I grew up watching these campfire stories every singe one is awesome, if you read this Mike, thank you!

[@escplan1011]

Damn… I feel like I just got called out. I went to a military school for most of my middle school and high school life. As unbelievable as this sounds. Most cadets at my school are definitely not the rank they are supposed to be except for most of the officers. I was a CPL in a 1SGT position. Then in my last year of high school I was a SGT in a SGM position. I love this video already

[@ctirons]

“I thlammed my barrel in the car door” I cried laughing and Zach didn’t even acknowledge it.

[@grantwagner684]

My old boss at the gym I use to work at was named Serjeant, when he went through BCT he was Pvt Serjeant. But then he became the CSM of the 82nd so his name was Command Sergeant Major Serjeant.

[@atpyro7920]

CSMs are just referred to as sergeant major (cause command sergeant major takes too fucking long to say), so it would have been Sergeant Major Serjeant. He moonlights for the Department of Redundancy Department.

[@SageryKT]

When we deployed, we had all of our company command staff get COVID, so we had a Staff Sergeant fill the First Sergeant slot, so we called him "Student First" as if we were in AIT. We had a good laugh about it.

[@johnnylaw8168]

Laughed my ass off at Mike’s quick “I thlammed my barrel in the car door”

[@Momofamlly]

As a current SFC with 23 yrs in I can confirm the awesomeness of these stories. Military life sucks but is soooo entertaining

[@WolfHreda]

Coming from an aviation background, I enjoyed getting to hear about "First Sergeant" Bob getting yelled at by a crew chief.

[@kozybunni]

I’m glad that “first sergeant” got what was coming to him both times

[@toph72548]

Speaking of simmunition clogging barrels, I did a vault inspection last year and one of the guns had simmunition clogging the barrel, I tagged the weapon so that they'd open a work order and I'd change the barrel. Well they removed the tag on the weapon and brought it to a shooting range, the shooter was very lucky because the entirety of the gasses went rearward and exploded from the breech, down the mag well and out of the bottom of the magazine. The upper receiver was cracked and bulged, the lower receiver was cracked, the bolt was split open from the bottom and obviously the magazine was blown open. Apparently when that happened they just put the gun down and kept firing with a different weapon. These people were lucky nothing worse happened, considering another weapon I tagged had a wet wipe stuck in the barrel, like the other weapon they removed it and brought it with them, they just didn't fire it.

[@daggerace9918]

i really want a sitcom that is based around Zach's time in the military as a small arms repairman

[@TheMichaelb44]

Was sitting in my car after a shit day in work when I got a notification saying this was out and damm did that raise my spirits, thanks guys

[@shotgunshells2]

I don't know why, but that deadpan "Fort Leavenworth is a prison" was fucking hilarious to me.

[@toms1313]

It took me until the last seconds of the video to realize that the blown up car is the acting campfire

[@BackAllyCat]

I love "Are they doing that now!?!?" He knows. 🤗

[@shifty1927]

"I was at this pump first" 🤣

[@RockR277]

Dude those acting first sgt. stories gave me some mad catharsis, and I've never even had to deal with anyone like that.

[@LongWolf1987]

This is awesome. Finally more campfire stories. I love these.

[@Biodeamon]

I like how the campfire this time is the wreckage of the car

[@_Salok]

15:00 damnit mike I almost woke up the people sleeping at my place because I couldn't stop laughing

[@delsinhays6421]

Dude, just took apart two 249s and the first one really ticked me off, it had a link in the main body where it was stuck between the rail where the bolt would move. I had to fucking unjam it by removing the damn buttstock and take the spring out. There the fucker was, how fucking awesome.

[@irishwristwatch2487]

The best names Ive met in the British Army - Major Money, Major Richard Head (seriously) a Sergeant Major, a Major Sergeant and Captain English. I almost feel like if you have a weird name you *have* to join the military in some way

[@HappyBeezerStudios]

Captain English sounds like he could be some victorian superhero defending the empire. And Maj Head surely had his fair share of jokes.

[@irishwristwatch2487]

@@HappyBeezerStudios he'd not just heard them, he apppeared on TV as Major Dickie Head. Seriously, its on google!

[@RandallFrequentFlyerFlagg]

I knew a US Army recruiter named Sergeant Slaughter. Imagine being recruited by a dude who’s actual name was the same as a WWF wrestler.

[@richardgadberry8398]

Did he support Iraq in 1990?

[@polkaking237]

I didn’t know baloney bob was promoted an acting first Sargent lol jk

[@caedontielking54]

i fucking love when new episodes of this come out, always a good listen while waiting to draw weapons

[@taptiotrevizo9415]

Always a day for campfire stories

[@gamesretweets9979]

Zach just told a whole new generation of grunts how to break their 50 cal.

[@symmetrymilton4542]

Haven't seen one of these in a while

[@RyuKaguya]

I fucking love these I feel like the third friend watching his two friends just go balls deep into stories and I'm sipping a beer enthralled lol

[@fujipuff5328]

Can't wait to binge watch the whole campfire stories playlist tonight! Love falling asleep to it

[@violetsapphire952]

15:01 gave me an actual asthma attack and damn near killed me laughing. I hope you're happy.

[@mekboy7403]

Working on a base as a contractor I've seen the "refer to me by my husbands rank" wives a few times. Telling them that causing a scene in the middle of the PX can have some consequences on her husbands career usually shut them up which is true, at least back in the day. Don't know if its still a thing but I knew of a SFC who got demoted because his wife was insanely entitled and kept causing issues that led to her getting kicked off post and banned from coming back for a few years.

[@ladybuzzkillington2072]

"You got the hard jobs." *Enthusiasticly* "Yes!" All Zach wants is to work on guns and relax. I hope one day he gets to do it and live near stress free.

[@kellyalger2394]

Even on gate guard I wouldn't call a dependapotumus by her husband's rank

[@mb51196]

I would love to chat with you guys, I'm a metals technician for the Air Force and I love listening to your stories, I even know exactly how the mark 19 melted, clp has a lower flash point (temperature at which it ignites) but still burns very hot due to the volatility of the oil structure. High potential energy. Anyway great video