MST3K - Days of our Years

[@matthewclark5612]

The moral of the story: Don't do anything and don't ever be happy. You'll just end up horribly injuring yourself and killing others.

[@SaesarSalad]

Matthew Clark Word!

[@pittland44]

A valuable lesson brought to you by the good people at Union Pacific.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Unless your job is professional serial killer or Mafia hitman, it's no problem.

[@cindydott452]

The moral of the story: Don't weld your eyeballs!

[@mlshull]

And....gentle pressure...

[@Eyetrauma]

Maybe the old man wouldn't have suffered a heart attack if they gave him the means to take a vacation more often than every 40 years.

[@80MWH]

Naw, it was his own fault he got old. :P

[@SaesarSalad]

80MWH Old people are stupid.

[@JudasPriest9878]

He shouldn't be thinking of Mamie Eisenhower on the job

[@SaesarSalad]

JudasPriest9878 Mamie Eisenhower makes me hard!

[@pittland44]

He just use a car battery to defribrilate his own heart and get back to work.

[@bourdon0774]

I'm a Lutheran pastor and I love MST3K, but combining it with my profession is especially a scream. Love it!!

[@madeinamerica3620]

"...it's the Adversary who is humorless. I'm sure God likes to laugh." -from Operation Changeling, by Poul Anderson

[@phylliselizahb1041]

Hope ya offer counseling services instead of just walking around sadly?

[@EvanderBerryWall]

*Baby cries* "Speaking of accidents ..." Fucking. Lost. It.

[@arizonakiller8892]

"I often stop by here for a cup of coffee." "That's really interesting."

[@BrianRobertRose]

For some reason, the line that makes me laugh the most is the way Mike Nelson snidely says, "That's really interesting."

[@christieperry4361]

CineCraft I say that to my husband all the time.

[@danielboone8435]

@@christieperry4361 that's really interesting...

[@snakes3425]

Has anyone noticed everyone who's come into contact with the Reverand has ended up either dead, guilt ridden or in a neck brace

[@jakobole]

Pearl Necklace?

[@frankgutierrez6016]

He the brother Jessica Fletcher of Murder she wrote.

[@cindydott452]

@@frankgutierrez6016 He's best friends with Johnathan and Jennifer Hart too!

[@LakeFX]

He's America's favorite deacon of death.

[@malkamusik]

"Hey, have a massive coronary on you own time!"

[@angbandsbane]

Ah, MST3K videos. The one place on KZbin where the comments are actually funny rather than toxic

[@pittland44]

Not sure if I want to laugh or cry at this remark.

[@jonathanwashington6083]

Don't worry some asswipe will come and Ruin Everything soon enough....

[@AmyLSacks]

"Maaaaa, Jonathan's LOOKING at meeeee!!!"

[@typacsk]

"Well you and all of your pets should DIE!" (...for those not familiar, it's from one of the "Twilight" Rifftrax.)

[@FreshSpecimens]

Haha. Unless the video has anything to do with the Netflix era and beyond. Those get ugly really fast!

[@silentevil77]

"I'm watching you feel good."

[@pittland44]

Obey the toaster!!!

[@polygoncreatures4045]

That was the line that doubled me over.

[@Metripleone]

'He went through a stop sign, better take it easy Joe'. 'GET OUT OF MY HEAD REVEREND!'

[@berserkley]

"In my version, things went a lot further..." Definitely in the MST3K shorts top 5.

[@Q.Q.Kachoo]

REV: To the impatient Joe, the men almost seemed to be purposely stalling as they stowed their gear. MIKE: Joe smelled conspiracy in everything. I also love it when the Rev randomly says "I often stop at this diner for a cup of coffee", and Mike says "That's really INTERESTING!" in that humoring tone usually reserved for the elderly and/or insane.

[@jonathanwashington6083]

This shorts sounds suspiciously like Union Pacific's pre-eminent defense against possible lawsuits. (See if you injure yourself on our trains, it's never because of faulty brakes or unsafe working conditions! It's because you were TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE! So no restitution for YOU, buddy!"

[@targaghjj]

Yup. And notice how everyone is TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE only because they saw the barest glint of happiness ahead on the horizon. So the message is "NO HOPE, NEVER HOPE, YOU'RE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!" (Evil cackle)

[@bhmch39]

targaghjj lol

[@pittland44]

Don't forget, you're here forever!

[@82dorrin]

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

[@wadecarmen7501]

AMTRACK is king of railroad accidents.

[@Ronbo710]

" ... the filth that is humanity" God these lines were *PRICELESS* !!

[@TanzDerSchatten]

These are some of the most hilariously contrived accidents ever. Apparently Union Pacific didn't have a problem insulting their employees' intelligence.

[@s4ujcd]

TanzDerSchatten AHHHH!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! GET THAT TORCH OUT OF MY EYES!

[@shadetreader]

Companies insult their employees' intelligence with every paycheck

[@christopherrichardson2945]

@@s4ujcd “you don’t have to hold it there” is probably one of my all time favorite lines

[@cindydott452]

Shake hands with danger??

[@RanMouri82]

This is the most depressing MST3K short I've seen. Thanks, minister, for reminding us that disabilities ruin life for everybody.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Wonder if the minister would have been so caring if it was a black man, woman, or gay guy who was injured and killed.

[@RanMouri82]

@@wadecarmen7501 Was he caring to begin with? He just bemoaned that these folks missed out on the prosperity gospel.

[@planescaped]

@@RanMouri82 Yeah, I was expecting a message about how people who've experienced tragedy shouldn't wallow in what happened to them but rather overcome it... Instead we get a minister pointing at the victims and saying sucks to be them!

[@kelvintorrence5994]

Your most welcome, come 2 church thus Sunday 4 more,bless you.

[@menslady125eif2590]

I know, right? Even the riffing doesn't take away the sadness.

[@0okamino]

18:19 "Hey, buddy, got a light?" Don't worry. After the accident, Charlie became Roy Orbison and went on to have a very successful career in music.

[@williamhubert572]

He didn't have to hold the torch on his eyes.

[@kevin2400]

I was waiting for a Roy Orbison joke from one of the bots

[@bloodrunsclear]

The moral? DON'T WORK FOR THE RAILROAD!

[@CrabOfDoom]

bloodrunsclear Especially since is appears that Fred DIED ON THE JOB but Union Pacific denied his pension to his widow and son. If Fred was going to retire, anyway, it was his pension that was going to send Lenny to college, but if Lenny couldn't afford to go? No pension. "He's dead, you're screwed. Love always, Union Pacific."

[@jimmyjim170]

+CrabOfDoom This short and Last Clear Chance prove that Union Pacific just has it out for people.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Esp. in Japan! Godzilla always stomps on railroads.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Don't buy a RR in Monopoly!

[@BrianRetro]

Yeah, the Steel Industry is so much safer.

[@TanzDerSchatten]

"The others? They were along for the ride, whether they liked it or not. Liked it? They hated it! But what could they do?" Uh, maybe pound on the cab of the truck and yell, "Slow down, you idiot!"

[@TheStapleGunKid]

I like how the guys riding on the truck are perfectly fine after the accident, but the guy in the truck is the only one severely injured. Really, what are the chances of that happening?

[@pittland44]

Get out of my head reverend!!!

[@dirrdevil]

Why couldn't they ride in the cab?

[@Kur10usity]

Flag on the moon...

[@TimelordR]

This film has the 4 D's: disability, dismemberment, death & depression.

[@jimmyjim170]

+TimelordR Four more D's for this short could be denial, disaster, degradation and disillusionment!

[@dynostretch9215]

deadly downcast deacon deliberately depresses devoted diligence

[@DerekPower]

These are words with a D this time

[@typacsk]

Sadly, a couple of these guys forgot the fifth D: Dodge.

[@cindydott452]

Doom, destruction, devastation, & denied (as in insurance claim)

[@cooldork68]

Their honeymoon at Six Flags is going to be real fun.

[@82dorrin]

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

[@madeinamerica3620]

Yeah, I gue...HUH?? 😯 😁

[@phylliselizahb1041]

Most of us are tools to vent unresolved dramas & traumas.

[@GrixieKong]

“Come over to this siiiiiide....” “OBEY THE TOASTER!”

[@sspeigel13]

"although she has never been in an accident...she acts like she has" LOL!!!!

[@GretaZ-dd3lu]

He just couldn't get there fast enough... ...for those 2 scoops of raisins. This short is gold!

[@BlueEyes7452]

She wasn't skimping on anything. She dreamed of tract housing. There was that perfectly scrumptious model house she'd been wanting all these years. Squalor Contemporary

[@sclogse1]

Sounds like a Tom Waits man...

[@TheStapleGunKid]

So according to this video, workers are supposed to predict when they have heart attacks. Right.... Even more absurd is the notion that companies would be okay with workers taking time off any time they were not feeling well.

[@Goawaykidyoubotherme]

If you're having chest pains for a week then a heart attack is a good guess

[@tysontaggart7246]

​@@Goawaykidyoubotherme "probably just indigestion"

[@nygiantsfan6]

One of my all-time favorite MST3K bits. The riffs are so on point, and the film itself is just...bizarre.

[@KareemPilot]

Definitely one of the top 5 shorts

[@pittland44]

Obey the Toaster!

[@sclarin2]

It was so incredibly average

[@planescaped]

'Those accident victims... You know their lives are over now? Poor souls should just off themselves and be off to heaven, because there's no happiness living like that. So be safe. Don't be like them. Praise Union Pacific and god.'

[@JiveDadson]

For it is written in the Book of Wisdom, "Thou shalt not run with scissors, lest thou gougest an eye out."

[@typacsk]

Ah, a fellow follower of Mrs. Cosmopolite :)

[@JiveDadson]

@@typacsk I don't know who that is.

[@typacsk]

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books--she gets treated like some kind of profound philosopher, but all of her quotations are the kind of thing you'd hear from a working-class mom whose patience is wearing thin.

[@typacsk]

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books. Other characters quote her as if she was a great philosopher, but all of her Wisdom is stereotypical "tough-love working-class mom" stuff.

[@romra3803]

"There. My problem went away."

[@madeinamerica3620]

If he really did think that, I don't know whether or not to envy him.

[@newbootgoofin24]

“In my version things went a lot further” 🤣🤣🤣

[@samr8889]

Ah, the good old time where you were safer OUTSIDE the car then inside.

[@PaleHorseShabuShabu]

*than

[@christopherphillips8162]

Most depressing mst3k short ever. This one and that one with the guy catching the poor bear cubs are one watchers for me. God i love the mst3k shorts tho. They're great!!

[@luisreyes1963]

Industrial accidents are comedy gold! 😒

[@matthewclark5612]

Is it me, or does Helen seem more upset that her 'perfect marriage' is ruined more than about what happened to Joe?

[@bhmch39]

Lol. I just thought that. She's like "Thanks a lot mister Indy 500, now MY dream is road kill!"

[@CrabOfDoom]

B Michaels I don't even understand why her dreams would BE roadkill. She had nothing white to wear to her wedding, even if she couldn't afford a designer dress? She can't still have sex with a man in a neck brace? (you totally can.) Joe can't still have hobbies or interests to lead a fulfilling life? Hell, all he wanted was a housekeeper, and he still got one and has an excuse not to help her--shouldn't that be his jackpot? They both just gave up on life, because Joe was suddenly disabled. That's horrifically stupid.

[@SaesarSalad]

CrabOfDoom The money for the dress had pay for his medical bills. And back then, people didn't have sex.

[@snakes3425]

+SaesarSalad Also Joe was probably fired for causing the accident

[@TanzDerSchatten]

+Matthew Clark She probably nags him on a daily basis about why he was driving like such a dumbsquat that day too. "I coulda had a white wedding and we coulda gone to Six Flags and I coulda quit working at the diner but no, you had to pass on a solid line..."

[@christieperry4361]

This is Helen....Hi Helen. Mrs Joe Toast Obey the toast!!!

[@christieperry4361]

(looks at baby) speaking of accidents

[@teedup8995]

They should have had a train scene there.

[@DawnOfTheOzz]

"Hey, Joe." *CRONCH* "Aaaaaaaah!"

[@snakes3425]

Yeah it's not like the guys on the back of the truck could tap on the glass and say "Joe pull over and let one of us drive you're too distracted with your upcoming wedding"

[@doctorgene3201]

+snakes3425 No they can't, Joe's hormones put them in a catatonic state.

[@coolsomeXD]

Maybe there all getting married.

[@wadecarmen7501]

@@doctorgene3201 Joe is gay

[@TheSilverFiend]

ironically the ambulance driver hit four people on the way there

[@JamaicanCastle]

MST3K predicted GTA ambulance drivers!

[@wadecarmen7501]

Delivering pizzas.

[@pittland44]

Well it does happen.

[@buckeyeschmave]

"So his name is Joe Joe?" :)

[@luisreyes1963]

Definitely not played by Peter Boyle.

[@TheAnubis57]

"Plan 9 from outer space." :) Wow, the house they were looking at vaguely looks like the house Bela Lugosi lived in from the same movie !

[@Ronbo710]

" ,,, There my problem went away." LOFL Man I miss these shows :(

[@phylliselizahb1041]

I ❤️ "they'll circle his house a few times before heading toward the cemetery."

[@WVUer21]

"That was so incredibly average..."

[@OriginalRocketJock]

"America's Deacon of Death!" -- Great Stuff.

[@guy38853]

4:16 Helen's bright, exuberant eyes had now begun to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of and accident free life.

[@sillygrl23]

Aren't Ministers suppose to give counseling and guidance to injured people with disabilities, not throw them a smug pity party? Oh wait, this was the 50s, nevermind......

[@wadecarmen7501]

They give to heed to anyone not white in the 50's.

[@phylliselizahb1041]

Yeah! Comfort & counseling instead of mere commentary! (Well, imagine if churches sent congregations into neighborhoods to help neighbors!)

[@JHATDRUMMER1976]

i would stop by here for a cup of coffee that is really interesting

[@rogerinkart]

"You don't have to HOLD IT THERE!" Ah, MST. The best thing to come out of Minnesota since the Jayhawks and 3M post-it notes.

[@BrianRetro]

What about Jesse Ventura?

[@FeartheQuagsire]

"she spit in the eggs" i love this show.i used to watch it all the time

[@kd17Burger]

AAARRGH You don't have to hold it there Now he's T Bone Burnette So many Classic lines

[@06mustangCE]

"Get out of my head, Reverend!"

[@s4ujcd]

They rebuilt Joe. They made him stronger, faster,....

[@ilikethecokev2]

Shame they didn't want to spend a lot of money...

[@pittland44]

Yeah, but they only spent $75.00 on rebuilding him.

[@EmployeeJoe630]

then they put him to work hour after hour his work was never over.

[@robertdiotalevi7742]

The Bionic Loser

[@dynostretch9215]

....and with a built-in sprinkler system!

[@cantstandya2]

"They are victims of themselves. I hate themselves." "My church is in a railroad town, not far from a big freight terminal and repair shop...all mine" "In my congregation, are railroad people in every capacity. And not one who isn't safety concious...not one who isn't drunk." "Accident haters, all of us. Hating the waste, the pain, the needlessness...the waste that is humanity." "I'm bigger than Jesus" All of these in 30 seconds (2:20-2:50), had me rolling on the floor.

[@christieperry4361]

cantstandya2 the little quips are the secret of their success.

[@christieperry4361]

Don't forget chief justice Earl Warren

[@starri]

Can you imagine what a pleasure it must have been to attend one of the reverend's joyful sermons?

[@madeinamerica3620]

Well, the Chinese say, "Happiness shared is doubled. Misery shared is halved." Whatever THAT'S worth.

[@lmaunkst]

R: I often stop by here for a cup of coffee. M: That's really interesting!

[@michaelbeaudoin1518]

"Come over to this siiiide...." haha!

[@phylliselizahb1041]

Oh, Crow! How'd ya like to practice "gentle pressure" together?

[@DJPenguino51]

The chef in the corner diner where Joe stops looks like the chef in "I accuse my parents". "How about a cheeseburger and some french fried potatoes..." :)

[@christieperry4361]

Happy chef

[@AceAttorny]

Sad Sunglasses Charlie always gets me.

[@ashland1977]

The scene at the coffee shop made me laugh so hard.

[@luisreyes1963]

She spit in the eggs...🍳

[@phylliselizahb1041]

"Obey the toaster!"

[@gonzaleo]

Man, this was one brutal short! Mike and Trace really put the hate on this one.

[@MrBigcityal]

Charlie was close now, I could smell him.

[@madeinamerica3620]

With respect, perhaps it should be, "Charlie's baby was close now...he could smell him..."

[@madeinamerica3620]

Or perhaps, "Charlie was close now. He could smell me." 😎

[@lindaeasley4336]

This is one of my favorite mst3k shorts . Keep coming back to watch it every once in awhile 👍

[@vainguitarist]

"So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age??" THAT'S RIGHT--YOU HEARD THE REVEREND. AVOID ALL OF THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!! amen.

[@cooldork68]

I didn't hate accidents enough

[@Ronbo710]

This one and "What to do on a Date" are my two favorites! Pure Genius!!

[@cindydott452]

Mister B Natural is a true classic!

[@dylanstalnaker3795]

Joe decided to shake hands with danger.

[@menslady125eif2590]

Ba-bow bow ba-bow bowwww!

[@SaesarSalad]

"Good one, George!"

[@KeithDec25]

SaesarSalad Yeah "George you are hilarious!" George was already thinking about the Hawaiian sex tour and Mamie Eisenhower....

[@KeithDec25]

s4ujcd Yeah but Ike and George got there first!....

[@NatPix]

So, I’ve been watching these clips off and on this week. Found myself reminiscing to watching MST3K as a kid. A phrase, “Gentle pressure,” has stuck with me all these years. When the narrator describes Charlie walking up behind the welder safely, a bell rang in my head. Then he said it and I yelled out, “HELL YEAH, GENTLE PRESSURE!” Good stuff, but poor Charlie.

[@madeinamerica3620]

Great anecdote, NatPix!

[@kd17Burger]

On the way to the shop he remembered something He had to go kiss Helen LMAO

[@procrastin9]

Wow... I have a really hard time feeling bad for the dude that burned his eyes out trying to light a cigar.

[@luisreyes1963]

Couldn't get hold of a Zippo lighter, eh? 🚬

[@Schornforce]

Always remember-- heart attacks are solely your fault. Never have them during work hours. How inconsiderate can you get?

[@markcysts]

Man, it must've been really annoying to be a worker back in those days when you get pulled from work to watch some depressing industrial short with religious overtones about lives destroyed about accidents on the job. I'm guessing a lot of guys had to cheer themselves up at the bar riffing on it after the whistle blew at five.

[@marccolten9801]

Not just then. I had to watch them at AT&T in the 70s - 90s and at Walmart post retirement. Welcome to corporate America where everything is your fault.

[@AmyLSacks]

@@marccolten9801 The Rev's sermons are so dull that death seems like a blessing.

[@JoeKaye-hn5dt]

They showed us this in shop class. (1960)

[@TanzDerSchatten]

When I worked at FedEx, I had to watch a safety video in which one of the actors was very downcast about how he had "let down the team" by getting injured. Forever after that, we were constantly telling each other, "I feel like you're letting down the team." P.S. I never saw any real injuries in my time there, but there were plenty of people who let down the team by not bothering to show up most mornings.

[@typacsk]

My favorite was the Bobcat safety video, clearly made while "Home Improvement" was A Big Thing, that tried to parody an episode of that. (Oh, how it tried...)

[@TackyRackyComixNEO]

"Boo Radley waved him on." To Kill A Mockingbird reference FTW

[@christieperry4361]

TackyRackyComixNEO then they sneak in "Tony Dow!"

[@KareemPilot]

Charlie was close now, you could smell him

[@sylvestervoigt9836]

Reminds me of Forrest saying There always looking for this Guy Charlie

[@timhyer1]

“Get out of town accident lover!!!!” 😂

[@jim1842]

@5:50 “I’m watching you feel good” lmao 😂

[@Speedball57]

"Get out of my head, reverend!" This is great. Probably one of my favorites.

[@luisreyes1963]

Too Late...😬

[@adiraiju9336]

11:02 EEEUUUUGGGH, where'd he get that shirt?! L.L. Bum? Bat Barf and Beyond?!

[@TanzDerSchatten]

+Adiraiju I dig that shirt! I would wear it as often as I could: job interviews, funerals, meeting future in-laws, the White House, etc. And I wouldn't be shy about letting people I know I had a matching pair of pajama pants, either.

[@solocitizen]

"My man is average!" "Obey the toaster" "Speaking of accidents..." "It was an average accident"

[@targaghjj]

So, she couldn't wear a white wedding dress because Joe was in a neck brace for a year?

[@ilikethecokev2]

I'm guessing they're implying his medical bills made them unable to afford a traditional wedding.

[@RanMouri82]

@@ilikethecokev2 She couldn't even afford a cheap, white dress. Darn that accident!

[@nashvilleslim]

A time for love a time for hate. A time for freedom I swear it's not to late.

[@jimdrivn]

Some of the best riffing of Any MST3K episode! Classic!

[@lavalampluva55401]

Well...this short needed some humor. Without it it would be depressing af.

[@clshannon21]

"Oh my God, the reverand's killed again!"

[@TheStapleGunKid]

Okay honestly, who the heck would want to work for Union Pacific after watching this horribly depressing film? I would think this would scare all their employees away.

[@kelvintorrence5994]

It pays well,

[@christieperry4361]

So much good tidbits in this one! "Where's my damn dinner!"

[@Verdigris04]

"Father, I'm having a crisis of faith. What should I do?" "Get safety goggles, my son."

[@FreshmanThesis]

Dark as hell, but that actually cheered me up. Thumbs to you, good sir.

[@christieperry4361]

He'd chosen his new look

[@christieperry4361]

A newborn father is one of the most exciting things in the world... Other then the father at the time of conception... Did my Dad come back from the dead to say that?

[@marccolten9801]

Oh, no , he died minutes before his time.

[@SenorSpode]

"I'm Reverend MacDonald Carey...and these are the Days of our Years." *_SCHLORP!_* 6:04 -- Look! It's Annie Lennox! "Here comes the toast again..."

[@artistwithouttalent]

If sweet dreams are made of this, I'm gonna go chug nightmare fuel.

[@teedup8995]

Lol!

[@Queenie4666]

"her eyes were not always so sorrowfull. once they were bright and shiney- her coat glossy"

[@kelvintorrence5994]

They call him the derailer

[@jimmyjim170]

PSA's about safety nowadays are the equivalent of horror movie jump-scares. This safety PSA however must have been put together by Debbie Downer.....yeesh.

[@SaesarSalad]

+James Haines Feline AIDS is the #1 killer of domestic cats.

[@SaesarSalad]

It's official. I can't have children. WAH...WAH

[@IntroducingEmy]

I remember after my family and I saw this short, 'Gentle pressure' became a looong running joke.

[@lavalampluva55401]

"I didn't hate accidents enough."

[@jtlee891]

Yet, here in my parish, there are some who can only look back... Crow: I hate them.

[@christieperry4361]

"hey, ya dead yet?!" Holy heck.