Cptsd When Scapegoats Try to Heal in Narcissistic Family Dynamics THIS HAPPENS

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[@ekkamailax]

If you’re the scapegoat you feel a sense of loneliness throughout your life that no one can ever truly understand

[@blueskiesforever114]

Yes so true

[@vondaking5494]

Its sad

[@britanymedina6064]

Thankfully we can understand each other. I wish I knew some of us in person.

[@janiececooper6758]

So true and sadly we try so hard to fill that void and it never seems to be full.

[@williampicton7072]

I agree it's painful.

[@milkandblue]

One huge thing I’ve noticed is that the scapegoat gets blamed for their reaction but narcissists will keep going and keep going until they get that reaction no matter what you do.

[@joesmith8701]

i know and they expect u to do sod all u me dad use to say walk away yet when i did he would allways pin me to the ground well onetime he pushed me as i walked away and that was it i beat the living shit out of him attacked him with a bottle lol

[@milkandblue]

JOE Smith same! I tried walking away and my mum reacted with so much anger and came running upstairs to try to hit me, ended up kicking my doorframe instead and still blames me for her injured foot 15 years later 😂

[@leahflower9924]

@@milkandblue my ex did that too he hit me too hard and wanted me to feel bad that he hurt his hand and made me get him ice, when i got the ice it wasnt wrapped the way he wanted damn i'm so stupid i guess

[@pennyproud2370]

Exactly!! Thats what my father does, he is a narcissist, and its so hard.

[@growthhealing4031]

Exactly what j gone through

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

Yeah, they needle you until you get angry and then they say, you're such an angry person. Which makes you even angrier. It's a vicious cycle.

[@leslieearthangel3473]

Reminds me of my mom who was treating me awful, and when I finally exploded she turned to my dad and was like "she"s mean to me". *rolls eyes*

[@cynthiajohnson9412]

@@leslieearthangel3473 :Oh don't I hear you. My mother does fake tears when you fight back against her underhanded attacks. Her tears literally dry up in a heart beat, while it take me days to calm myself and get my stress hormones back to a level where I can function. I didn't figure out until well in adulthood that chronic, debilitating anxiety wasn't normal.

[@Poorstargazer23]

The worst part is, people outside of the situation, especially when they didn't have toxic relationships, CANNOT comprehend the extent of the trauma and don't understand when you snap... It's because you were literally broken by your abusers. You can get a lot of, "But they're your family." blah blah. But outsiders just can't understand the extent abuse can traumatize someone.

[@Layla-fr7mf]

@@cynthiajohnson9412 At least it’s fake tears mine goes into rage and gets violent

[@Layla-fr7mf]

That is a trap because they already know how to trap you and how they have conditioned you so they will call you the sick one. It’s best to stay away from them and if you are still with them stay in another room and don’t absorb anything they say just observe it and sing songs in your head when they abuse you

[@lordfreerealestate8302]

They try to sabotage your healing, because they don't want you to escape the role of scapegoat.

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Yup

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

They are betting on you to keep your light dim. It’s like shorting a stock.

[@SoulInquiry72]

The scapegoat is usually the bright, bubbly one in infancy. The one with a powerful sense of self and an innate sense of justice and fairness, The one who calls out BS. The one with the most potential to strive and thrive. The unconscious choice of the scapegoat is based in envy and a fierce need to squash that light. The backstabbing and character assassination is designed to dull your light. You're not mad. It is real. All of us who have been chosen as the scapegoat - our light is bright. Blinding! So shine! Shine! Shine! Shine! You're precious xxx

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Exactly! It's deeper than what many can comprehend. It's spiritual warfare within some families that have this hierarchy system. This is an ancient and generational injustice. Joseph from the Holy Bible experience this through the betrayal of his 10 brothers.

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

You literally wrote my experience, wow. Thank you for sharing what you know that I can take, too.

[@kjbkjhkjhjk7775]

yes I am such a happy person with so many beautiful and lovely qualities, and unfortunately that attracts a lot of projection. I am so happy I have learned to love myself and to spot projection as soon as it happens! I am such a happy bubbly person, I can leave the dysfunction and have a beautiful happy life on my own. I can heal and have a beautiful life of healing xx we're very lucky in that way!

[@sda141]

Yes, and I am again!

[@sda141]

And you are bright, shiny & precious too!

[@phoenixrising8007]

The sooner you realize that the unsupportive family is not likely to start supporting you the sooner you stop seeking their approval. You have to step away to support yourself regardless of where they stand. Many Blessings 🙏❤️🌟

[@Starlight111x]

Blessings to you✨

[@leonardwilliams7772]

ive been so utterly destroyed from the age of 3, knowing even as a kid, something was wrong, just not having any idea what. they took it way to far, so now i have nothing to lose. im 59, and have spent the last 4 years studying, getting proffesional counsel, from many outlets, i could get a degree now. all while living homeless, destitute. i play guitar like eddie van halen, bass, drums, banjo, violin, it all means nothing. ive prepared my case like a good lawyer, and am about to out the whole story. im no fan of tech, but it will allow me to do this. stop the cycle while your young.

[@rubberbiscuit99]

Amen

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

@@leonardwilliams7772 doesn't work like that. "while you're young" you're naive. Like how tf can you even do anything while you were effing 3yo. that's damn near a walking baby

[@Jochabed]

A lot wisdom - you seemed to have successfully risen from the ashes. Did you find your strength in God?

[@cestmagnifique7932]

I asked my golden brother what he had learnt from our narci parents, he goes: that I can do anything... And I'm like: that's exactly the opposite of what I got from them 🙄

[@amandachilds5290]

Yeah I was both so I get it. You can do anything but you are also to blame for everything because You can do anything so if it goes badly you are at fault or must fix it as if you are at fault. Does that make any sense?

[@Isabelmaryj]

I remember my sister saying she had learned from our mum that she "could be the next prime minister" and I was amazed by this - I noticed that anything I was good at or interested in was always diminished/ignored.

[@Purple9721.]

My dad would tell me that I'm lazy and wasting my life, but any time I started showing an interest in anything he would come up with a bunch of reasons why I couldn't succeed at it and so there was no point even trying. I still struggle with feeling stuck and talk to myself this way now. know I have potential but lots of self doubt at the same time. Feels like trying to run in water! And he has his own business. Wouldn't give me a job there but my brother and sister were both given management jobs... To be honest though I don't envy them one bit lol

[@cestmagnifique7932]

Sad.. I missed HUGE, life-changing opportunities for not believing I could achieve it 😔 but surely, it's better not to rely on them and learn how to be independent and nurture ourselves 💪

[@Rain9Quinn]

So sorry...

[@twoshea749]

They are jealous of the scapegoat- then project their evil to destroy the source of their envy.

[@43cassy]

Correction-the scapegoat usually embodies all of the traits and strong characteristics and empathy that the Narc parent wished they possessed inside. The golden child is a reflection of the shallow outer shell that the Narc likes to illuminate and identifies mostly with the narcissist (and they usually are a Narc as well). Also, you should NOT go back to any unhealthy environment rather you’ve healed or not. Allowing them to trigger you and excusing behavior as “that’s just mom” is the mentality that perpetuates that evil system. Once you heal you won’t feel the need to placate and/or excuse behavior just to “belong” and tolerate abusive behavior. You will be more focused on your awakening and finding your true soul tribe and creating the family that will treat you with the love and care you deserve. Peace & healing to all!!✨

[@antoinette4995]

I literally just wrote about this. I became the scapegoat precisely because I was deemed "too perfect" and as having traits my narc mom wished she and my siblings had. So glad someone else sees this too.

[@bethhayes8427]

I'm the skapegoat sister, was the golden child who stated, "Oh that is just mom".

[@ellied3781]

Thank you for commenting this it’s so healing to read ❤

[@melt2947]

Yes, you can't continue to drink poison and expect to live.

[@WAsmellycat]

You are correct. She is wrong. The scapegoat = the child most threatening to the insecure, f**ked up parent. Calls them out on their sh*t. This woman has no clue what she's talking about.

[@Tiger-dg3cz]

The one good thing that has come out of this is that it’s being called out at last and recognized for what it is

[@cc967]

I’m in my 60’s and my mother in her 90’s continues to abuse me just as she did when I was a child. She has made certain that I have no relationship with my father, siblings, and extended family and has presented to them that I’m the crazy one.

[@erika9353]

I'm autistic and was scapegoated by my parents and older sister. I was brutally physically abused until high school, then I dissociated most of high school away and somehow got some scholarships and signed for college soccer and escaped. Now I live across the Atlantic from my family of origin. I escaped from the people and places but I will never escape the pain. The pain will never leave me...

[@victoriasage7]

The pain can heal

[@mantralibre1367]

@@victoriasage7 heal my ass. I'm an inner desert, whatever i accomplish. The day my parents die, i'm quite sure will be my first true smile since i was a kid. Hateless. Finally.

[@psychoholiday-ju1cp]

I moved to the West Coast literally two decades ago from the DC area. I had no idea I was a scapegoat until my 40s. (I was to busy being young and having fun with other people besides my family back then). I've been no contact with my three siblings for a few years now and my parents are next at this rate despite them being in their 80s. (Well, one way or another literally). I have ADD and could be considered an aspie, I guess, by some definitions. (I can sense what people feel yet somehow I'm off in a sense). PS--I love sports but I used to despise soccer. Yet about 10 years ago I started becoming a fan of international soccer and realized why it's the Worlds sport. Guitar is my talent, anyway, you keep on kicking that ball (or defending it /whatever part of the field you're on if you're still playing the game!). Signing off, Matt in Phoenix

[@Jochabed]

Well done - not many people could overcome like you have. I agree, the pain has damaged us in ways that never completely heal. Triggers bring everything back to life...

[@Karen-np2mc]

Autistic people are scapegoated by people who lack understanding and compassion. I'm the parent of a beautiful autistic young person so I've lived it. Please find good people to support you. There are many who will understand.

[@rkh7904]

I really got this when in my 30's, I invited my parents and sibling to an event I put on and acted in. They just got up and left when I received a standing ovation and they never mentioned it again.

[@karenmurdoch1042]

Wow.....!

[@EMVelez-qb1zu]

I’m so sorry, Rosemary. You deserved far better. 💙

[@tamfx2138]

Wow

[@santoparfano1910]

Damn...

[@dionnejordan3588]

They are SO jealous they HATE to see you win. HATE IT

[@tabithab33]

I believe it to be THE TRUTH that they reject. The ‘ chosen’ scapegoat holds the truth and reality they refuse and deny. We cannot accept or be ourselves without truth. This is why they lie.

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Exactly! We are chosen and anointed by God.

[@bmccameron7642]

After near 30 years of professional help of some kind on and off, as my NPD Mother nears end of life I was forced to acknowledge I cannot go near her. I tried to drive the 5 hour trip, got half way and pulled over shaking with extreme anxiety, turned around for home and felt brand new within 10 minutes. No more indulging my abuser.......simply no more. My very capacity to sustain this life depends on it.....I can't even look at her, I find her utterly repulsive and that's a horrible realisation to try to process.

[@Chahlie]

It gets better when you realise how many other people find their mother repulsive. Mine comes out almost a dark blue/black aura in photos, as does the worst sister. It's not you, it's them.

[@markfellows2268]

I wish I didn't understand what you're talking about, but sadly do. It's the brainwashing of others that hurts as much as the narcissist's behaviour. I can understand and accept the sickness of a narcissistic parent, it's the loss of siblings and the brainwashing of others that's even harder to heal from, like a double abuse, an injustice. Your video explained/reinforced many of my own feelings. Thanks for that and good job.

[@tiddlywinks8299]

I understand this completely. I have no idea who I can trust b/c I don't know who believes all the crap my mother projected onto me in her stories about me. My greatest fear is her brainwashing my adult children against me, which would sadly bring my mother tremendous satisfaction... she's already tried to do this with my daughter.

[@jamesrutter4100]

Then understand. ITS THE NARC conning everybody. THEY ARE VICTIMS AS WELL(cowardly ones) but victims none the less

[@jamesrutter4100]

​@@tiddlywinks8299trust NONE of them. Those who see the truth will come to you with it

[@momo90416]

Absolutely...double abuse 💔

[@christinep.4238]

It is exactly like double abuse. You've eloquently defined that as nobody else has that I've heard!! The cycle 9f dysfunctional behavior gets more crazy and intertwined as time progresses...I am beyond grateful for KZbin!!!!!! and the speakers on it. Internet has good connecting qualities for sure!!! 😊

[@terridillon3053]

So basically, this is decided and calculated in their mind before you ever said a word. Wow! Thank you.

[@LSMH528Hz]

Sometimes even before birth

[@Priya_B]

They dont always calculate it; its not always a conscious decision, they also may not consciously care or be aware of the impact they are having on the scapegoat, they need to do these things in order to meet their own emotional needs, to project their own unwanted emotions upon, hence the need for only one “garbage can”. I am the scapegoat. It is my narcissistic mother’s birthday tomorrow and I am low contact but will be going to their house tomorrow and I am terrified of being triggered. My brother is the golden child. How Michele describes this has been my exact experience except it was my mother behaving this way with my brother and I. I can still see he is still trapped in the codependency with my mother and will probably always be this way, in my opinion.

[@yagerr4279]

Exactly

[@arquita]

Michele, you are pure heart. When you speak, I can see your strength and courage. I believe every word you say because I can tell from your genuine words that you've suffered this and have come through. Thank you for giving us hope.

[@Mclarex]

She is amazing. A real life angel on earth.

[@danettejones4969]

I live 800+ miles from family and a few years ago I was around both sides of the family for about a week (half with my dad’s side, who was the main narcissist in my life, and half with my mom’s side) due to two deaths; there was a moment with each family where my eyes were opened and I immediately saw how EVERY person played a role within that narcissistic dynamic. Although I wasn’t surprised on my dad’s side, it threw me for a loop when I witnessed it on my mom’s side. I was far enough along in my healing, however, where I was able to objectively observe and thoroughly understand on my very long drive back home.

[@Vashti0825]

Interesting drive home, no doubt.

[@monicalarsson774]

Same here after been away for long time it totally threw me when I realised my mum was almost worse in her put downs and manipulative ways, quite shocking actually......x

[@bahiyabee7671]

The scapegoat black sheep are actually the stronger ones mindset wise because they are their own person with their own mind unlike the golden child who never knows who they are beyond the narc. This is in ever class of family too. Harry is the scapegoat of the Royal family and he literally ESCAPED his narc Royals and controlling grandmother and said with his own words “I feel sorry for my brother and father they are trapped in the system” and he felt empathy for his wife and his mother who was scapegoated until death. No matter how rich or famous no one is immune to dysfunctional families and abuse. The scapegoat has the most success in life because they deal with the REAL world and excel there including meeting friends and strangers who live and accept them while the golden child remains stuck as a child pleasing mommy and daddy until death. Burn the soul contracts with them by meditating, stay away and don’t allow them to trigger you by healing and loving yourself.

[@lesleygarvs4640]

I totally love those shoes... 😍😍😍👠👠

[@bahiyabee7671]

@@lesleygarvs4640 Thank you honey

[@sumaiyaanika9270]

whoa like seriously ,life was meaningless at first but ,right now I am working on unlearning belief ,reprogramming my subconscious mind tbh I am grateful right now I m on the healing journey ,I also have plans to relocate to another country ,long distance is better ,I m just waiting for the opportunity to those toxic people once for all

[@fifthavenuegirl]

but he might have married a narc.

[@LSMH528Hz]

Errm. i don't think any "royals" aren't narcissistic.

[@nicselectronics81]

Just starting to heal at 40 I pray I can build a happy life. My happiness and light was sucked out of me the whole time. I forgot what happy is.

[@blueskiesforever114]

Me too.. I’m late 50’s and realize I’ve been sucked dry .I have resentment from being the sharks feeding frenzy. It sucks

[@EMVelez-qb1zu]

I can relate, Dominic.

[@santoparfano1910]

Ditto...lots of resentment...

[@yagerr4279]

💜

[@davidharris8192]

You got this. Love yourself in the way you love others, and success is emminent.

[@Chahlie]

My sister actually said to me once "what right have you to be happy", and of course everyone laughed....

[@Joelswinger34]

OMG!!!

[@charlesp.8555]

Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry

[@vivdoolan6846]

Omg...insanity!!!!

[@cassiebennet4262]

That's exactly what narcissists believe. I'm always shocked when they come right out and tell the truth of how awful they are. If they're miserable no one else has the right to be happy.

[@summero-my5in]

I am afraid of being "too much" with any emotion now. When interacting with others, I'm constantly monitoring to make sure I haven't shown any emotion "too much" to whoever I'm interacting with. I instantly feel my hypervigilance and begin only focusing on the other person/their feelings when I perceive I could've revealed too much. I do this, hoping that I can "mend" what I've done before they decide to reprimand me for my feelings. Of all emotions I repress on a daily basis: sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. The worse to feel I have to "tone down" or hide from others is happiness. I know deep down I'm a grand, enthusiastic and happy person but I'm way too afraid that showing happiness to others will result in them "knocking me down a peg." Continuing to live life after being abused by narcissists for 18 years is incredibly hard.

[@AdrielxMonique]

Same for me but just keep persevering !

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Umm...just actively find like minded people who possess the same energy as you. God will bring them to you. Accept the reprimand and rejection as strength to persevere through, but do NOT change who you are for nobody unless it's truly a negative personality trait. Sometimes, it's also a way of God telling you to leave you're city. It could be that you're living in a narc nested city.

[@melt2947]

I was the scapegoat. The pain of what was done to me over my life was unbearable at times. Now they are trying to alienate me from one of my adult children. If you believe in Jesus, please will you pray that my son Joshua returns to us? Thank you, and blessings to everyone who had the agony of being tormented this way throughout their life 🙏💕

[@Anointed1s_TV]

If he does praise God, if not leave him in God's hands with prayers, but don't allow his rebellion steal you're peace and joy. The more you focus on his rebellion and the pain he is causing you through his betrayal the more the Devil will use him as a tool to steal you're joy. You just gotta let him go and give him to God.

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME TOO. Praying for your Joshua and your reunion. Thank you for sharing, so I know I'm not alone. This is excruciating. It can't be put in words.

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

​@@Anointed1s_TVthank you for sharing, I was struggling with this exactly. Thank you. I needed advice.

[@tabithab33]

Thankyou for sharing 💜🗣️🗣️ They will always say, “ you’ve changed “ when they don’t want to and we start seeing them as they are while setting boundaries. Be aware, they will double down on ALL the tactics while ganging up on you indirectly and directly and behind you. They will gather up anything and everything to make sure we “ look” like we are the problem instead of actually doing what needs to happen in order to have true change, peace, truth ect

[@HeartFeltGesture]

Go no contact. Whenever doubt arises (which it will) just keep remembering what this family has done to you and plans to continue doing to you, no matter how much you change, heal and progress, all so they can feel better than you, and better about themselves. They are essentially leveraging your soul for their own gains at your expense. Now how much do you want to go and hang out with these people and pretend everything is really O.K? Also, dont let the guilt trip of being an uncle or aunty to your niece and nephews be a catalyst for association. Those children are being groomed to treat you like the scapegoat too. They may understand one day and come to you for your side of the story, and they may not, but this is the way it is, and its not your fault it is so.

[@kelay626]

I will never forget the hate in my father’s eyes when he was abusing me. The rest of his abuse was done behind ny back, manipulating other family members (& whomever would listen) against me. Truly sick.

[@tiffanyfinley4834]

Same with my mom. The eyes

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

That saying, “Out of sight, out of mind” used to apply to my narc family. Now, they can be in PLAIN sight and OUT of mind. I suppose that’s the true measure of the healing. By not even bringing their abuse onto the screen of my mind, I can endure being with them much better. Thank you, Michele.

[@larisabreedlove5102]

I am the eldest of 3 girls, the Scapegoat. I feel like you just read my life story back to me. And yes , I've always believed something in me was innately bad, wrong... SINFUL. Thank you for confirming that I am NOT. I've went no contact (years ago) & this may sound weird but.... they're STILL HERE. I've only just started on a journey of healing and I hope and pray that I can somehow make them go away. If that makes any sense whatsoever....

[@jeanneeber]

How can you be "No Contact" but say they're "still here"? That makes no sense! Did you expect them to move? To leave? If you're no contact-THATS enough!

[@ravenel2]

Don’t attack her. Everyone knows that narcissists stay in the thoughts. Why so vicious to a stranger about her own family and feelings?

[@christar9527]

I really feel for you. I’m the same. I always felt that I was a walking “BAD” and that I didn’t deserve to eat or breathe. That started when I was very young. We were the best people in our family. How evil is a parent or two parents to terrorize, hate and destroy their child? Very. It was THEM. Not YOU. Please remember that!

[@christar9527]

@@jeanneeber Are you really that dense? She’s saying that the memories of what they did to her are still with her and I know that those are extremely hard to shake.🙄

[@suselperez2409]

Sometimes these vile narc personalities love to troll the videos and pick on those in the comments. Not naming any names!

[@angelanicholson951]

Oh, haha, oh no, they don't like that. They need you to be blamed for all their terrible behaviour toward you. And they'll attack if you gain assertiveness. They'll destroy you. You can only heal away from them, in my opinion.

[@ainahaga]

Can they get worse when Im healing and doing daily meditations?

[@angelanicholson951]

@@ainahaga of course. No matter what you do, they'll try to stop it some how. That's why so many state we have to cut ourselves off from them, because once you let their kind in, they see that as a weakness, even if you stay away from them for decades and change to become stronger, they'll dive in where they left off all those years ago.

[@tnijoo5109]

This is so true, especially the idea that they attack when you try to assert your boundaries or have any boundaries at all. I had to block my mom on my phone because there’s just something in her that wants to destroy me, even though she loves me (as much as a narcissistic mother can love anyways). For her, I don’t think she consciously knows that she seeks to destroy me, so I’ve come to understand it’s not something that can ever be addressed or resolved because she’ll always be blind to her own actions and still always find a way to do the most hurtful things and act oblivious. But it definitely all came out when I tried to have healthy boundaries and tried to ask her to stop doing certain things. Maybe as a mother she feels it’s her right to hurt me or violate my boundaries. When I said I needed time to heal and my mental health was in jeopardy, she didn’t care. That’s when I finally began standing up for myself and it started the most painful traumatizing war I could have never imagined.

[@ainahaga]

Tnijo what do you mean by traumatazing war?

[@ainahaga]

my family has all big mental health issues. I see it cause I meditate, but they do not see anything, I hope I will figure out what to do...... My twinflame told me to meet averything with love, Im focusing on service on the time to come, cause then I know I will be safe and praying to get my daughter home........

[@katherinehedrick9108]

"Work on your Triggers". Really hard to do but worth it.

[@Beccadette]

❤ Lack of validation and not needing confirmation is where I am at. So happy to get this far😊

[@leslieearthangel3473]

During the 2 years I went no contact with my parents, my sister (the golden child) kept trying to convince me to talk to them again. I guess she didn't like filling up my role! :P

[@nicselectronics81]

That'll probably happen to me, she'll get ignored like I was my entire life.

[@sarahw7616]

Scapegoating is the ultimate scumbag move by a "parent". Sacrificing their own child to feel better about themselves....no way I'm ok with allowing someone with such a low moral compass in my life. Dangerous.

[@richringer4770]

You just described my life for 67 years. Finally 12 years ago I said I had enough and my family cut me off. Praise God they saved my life by pushing me out to reclaim mine.

[@moscowcowboy_13]

I have always been smart, and I think I realized at a young age that I had somehow been put up on a pedestal to be mocked and ridiculed by everyone, like I served that function in the family. I learned to accept it thinking that I must have been chosen because I am so strong and so loving. My family is full of shame from all the bad things they have done to me and they love projecting it onto me. There is no joy, no fun ever to be had around them. I am always in trouble for something. My self esteem was completely destroyed by decades of being gaslit by those who were supposed to love me. I come from a family of bullies. They will literally recruit a perfect stranger off the street and try to get them to gang up on me. So happy to be celebrating nearly 1 year of no contact. I am exhausted and so sleepy, which is good because it means I am finally allowing myself to heal.

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Great job. I learned that it's a demonic spirit. They can't influence everyone though, some people can see through the toxicity. However, once you leave they will choose another scapegoat.

[@jerriosity]

I'm 64. I was in my late 40's before any of this started to make sense for me. I had to fight this fight on my own. It's only in the past few years I've come to understand this dynamic by people like you being able to articulate it for me. It was mind blowing at first. I thought someone had "read my book" or something. Thank you for your help for people like me.

[@TreborLadd]

Was at home alone with my father for a weekend. He was a physician , and a text book example of a narcissit. He was trying to have me committed. I was not and am not insane, but I had agreed to meet with a psychiatrist, which he recommended, Was prescribed Ativan 2mg. Took one, at night before bed and woke up two days later in a mental institution! True story! Gets better though, when I woke up, I was immediately taken from my room, and taken to a mental hygiene hearing, barefoot and blocks away, where, incidentally, I dismissed my appointed counsel, represented myself, and was released. Incidentally, in retrospect there is only way it could have happened, my father sedated me in my sleep! Twenty years later, I am still dealing with being the black sheep out pf five children, and I am still dealing with my family's insidious abuse orchestrated by my mother who is even worse! Been disinherited, but it doesn't matter. They will not be satified until I give up in life.

[@alimccreery755]

From what I’ve seen in my situation it’s not just the family that abuses the scapegoat the other narcissist’s in my life is treating me this way. Thank you for sharing this and opening up my eyes. 🙏🤗❤️

[@tnijoo5109]

Narcissists are drawn to abused people. They can sense it in us. And were the only ones who put up with a bunch of red flags early on most normal people would walk away from. It’s hard to learn that. The best advice I got was to pretend you were a friend of yours and she’s telling you about someone she met it is in a relationship and if you would tell her to get out or not. What we would never expect another person to out up with, we often feel actually guilty for not putting up with it ourselves. So, just always ask yourself if another person were in your shoes, what would you think. That’s been helpful for spotting narcissists and makes ending things easier, without feeling guilty for rejecting them. Hope that helps you. Good luck.

[@ericawhite967]

Thank you... I consider myself to be quite articulate, however, I have never been able to put my childhood into words to begin to heal. Your video finally defined it for me. Spot on!!! So painful...

[@AZDC99]

1:00 "They don't want to see you in a different light." Amen, I'm probably nearly twice your age, woman, at 47, but thank you for putting this one out because it's exactly why I went through during some peeking times in my 20s. Looking back, the siblings hardly reached out to me. It was set up an advance if you go with the narcissistic scapegoat theory

[@tnijoo5109]

Wow, that’s a really good point- that it was set up in advance. That just clarified a whole bunch of things for me. Thank you.

[@UncleChud]

I’m 61 , my mother passed 2021 and I’m just now realizing this❕

[@crafty1975]

Michelle, this video brought some tears (in a good way). Everything you describe has been my journey over the last 4 years. Having had to go no contact with my siblings and parents its been very tough as I was working through a huge ammount of shame around self care and boundaries. I used to gaslight myself and place all "toxic" emotions from others inside of myself. It's sad that my twin sister and brother are still too scared to step out of the roles that have been defined for them but I now accept it and have done a lot of grief work around this. Learning to let go of what others think of me and holding myself fully accountable for my own behavior has been challenging. I needed a lot of suppourt (therapy) and a none negotiable self care routine to start the journey. I give myself permission to be myself and I am no longer scared of not being perfect. Great video and well articulated. Thanks.

[@laurajane4806]

I needed a notebook, picked one up from the GC's room, later found inside the notebook a letter to GC's friend telling all about the GC's life. However, the details of the letter described MY life. To me, this is proof, they slander, etc., to get us shunned so they can pretend to BE us. Why such behavior is called a personality disorder instead of straight up mental illness is an insane concept in itself. :-)

[@alexandracasados22]

Best explanation, I have to say cutting off is def the best option.

[@carolyncasey8960]

You have given the best description of this family dynamic I have yet heard. Thank you. My sister (golden child) sees a whole opposite story from what I and my other sibs know first hand.

[@AZDC99]

10:30 "For The sibling to see that there's something NOT wrong with you would hat they would have to look at SOMEBODY." Bingo. Thanks for saying it. Always thought I brushed it off properly, but the stuff eats away at you for decades until you finally deal with it. I don't mean in a therapy way like deep therapy, but in the lightest way that you have to admit that it actually happened!

[@tnijoo5109]

Yes!!! Thanks for the time stamp. That was really good to listen to again.

[@perkeleejonne9702]

understanding all of this is making me feel so sad for not realising sooner just how much my sister was going through

[@auntihooha]

Brilliant! Thank you for this unique perspective! I've been watching videos about black sheep for many years, and this is the first time I've heard this. It explains a lot about my 'relationship' with my mother, and why I felt suicidal all my life, especially after seeing or talking to her, as well as her BFF, my sister, the golden child. Those two are horrible narcissists; I think my sister is a sociopath; she loves causing people physical harm. She used to bite me when she was a toddler, drawing blood and leaving big purple bruises. Then she got a dog, which she made vicious toward everyone that wasn't her. Thankfully that dog was killed by a car. She became an ICU nurse for 14 years, where she got to do some really gross things to people. She wound up just being verbally mean; gossiping about everyone and always assuming the worst- I got away from them, finally at 60 years old. Black sheep- don't ever let anyone tell you that you have to forgive family members - there are a lot of shitty people on the planet, and many of them have children. We grow up thinking it's us that's broken, but we can't ever become whole until we get away from them. Get away from them! And never turn back because they will never change. But your life can get better and better and better. . . .

[@LookingAhead-sg7nr]

I've walked away from the narc/alcoholic family repeatedly through the years. Last time, 20 years ago, was permanent when I finally understood I'd been right about them and the dynamics all along and understood they had no intention of changing how they treated me. Their answer was to start working on turning my children against me, to keep everyone tied into the narrative that I'm the problem. I got rid of an abusive, cheating husband for which they also criticized me, refusing to admit that maybe I knew what was going on in my marriage, and married a great guy with a great job, advanced degrees, lots of talents, etc. They tried to pull him into the narrative against me and when he wouldn't go along with it, began snubbing him, too. I think they can't stand the evidence that an intelligent, educated man with a great job sees good in me because it throws the whole story that I'm the family screw-up into question. I'm supposed to be such a mess that I'd be lucky if a drug addict living under a bridge saw any good in me.

[@Anointed1s_TV]

Wow I can relate. I had to find my healing in knowing how much our Father in Heaven loves me. I had to pull from God's love and healing to forgive them and limit contact.

[@TruckerNyaG]

Michele you are truly amazing, this just described my whole childhood and brought me back to all those times my family would gang up on me and I would cry and they would laugh and call me crazy and that something was wrong with me. I am 22 years old thank God I'm still young and found out about narcissism and still doing more research to learn each and every aspect of it. I am still contemplating about going no contact because I have a 7 year sister who would be heart broken if I left, I don't care about my other family members but I love her so much and don't want to leave her. Idk what to do.

[@storykeeper8684]

My dad and I were having an argument one day about how difficult he was a parent and he accused me of lying. I was shocked when my sibling suddenly said, "No, Dad, it's the truth. It was just like they said." We were both over 50 years old. We are very supportive of each other now.

[@comotuabogada]

Scapegoat here. This is incredibly accurate. Only Teal Swan had described it as clear as you. I feel misunderstood, hated, rejected. I was diagnosed with depression, then BPD, was committed twice, abused substances and took 1000 psychiatric meds. It is possible to heal. Today I don't take any meds and can manage life better. Meditate, do something you like but most of all, if it's possible for you, move out from that household as fast as you can. It's more manageable from a distance.

[@johnmcfetridge3974]

OMG. Michele! Here you are with the problem with so many peoples problems. Outlining it front of me. Amazing shows lately you're amazing. With the best I've had for I solution is take some drugs. You have real world solutions that are able to connect to a problem at hand. Thank you so much for being here. Its unbelievable really to me. I'm a scapegoat really. Being lead to believe at times a golden child or an enabler. Or let's just say anything a system can sell drugs to or ideology make sense to them. Love you so much💗

[@jamesprescottreal]

This is so accurate. As a goat, I didn't know what was happening to me. Everything I did was wrong, so I felt confused. I just couldn't understand why my brothers were all treated so much better than me. My dad's the narc, and I didn't know it. I had two step moms, both of which were enablers. I didn't realize that as she (the first) was outwardly nice, but really just pulling for her kid while the next step-mom was openly contemptuous; putting me down at every opportunity. Calling my stingy dad "generous". My half-brothers who have been given houses, education, luxury cars, vacations and me nothing. They play dumb. The second step-mom was openly a jerk. She said her two sons were better looking and smarter than me, while I was taller and had a girlfriend who became my wife. I had to break all relationship with my dad's family because it was just constant put-downs, and playing dumb. Even when I discovered about gaslighting and narcissism, they played dumb. My dad pretends to be a kindly doctor to the world, but he's threatened to kill me and others. I just stay away and am so much happier. Hope all of you who were the goat are doing great too!

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yes. This is where sibling rivalry comes from. It is bad on my mom's side of the family.

[@ccalexander1924]

So I am the scapegoat and my youngest sister is the golden child. And yup we have different memories and feelings on how we were raised. My sis has not experienced anything I did and even as adults … we are still treated completely different by our mom. When I was little I got the silent treatment all the time if I didn’t play a board game ( at age 6), I was blamed for things all the time I never did ( still happens in my adulthood ), I was expected to take over everything my dad did for my mom when he passed away when I was 19, like drive my mom to all her dr appts , grocery shopping , get her meds , take her Xmas shopping , b day shopping , lawn mowing etc. my younger sis was never asked to do chores etc but I had to. I could go on and on. I just recently went NC for months and now I’m very very low contact with my mom and I have no idea when I will ever talk to her again. My mom isn’t disabled. Never was. She was and is perfectly fine to do things on her own . She can drive. She chooses not to. She has asked me to actually go to her house and hang her pictures and shower curtains etc bc she said she doesn’t want to stand on a step stool. She doesn’t have any balance issues. She can do it. She just wants control of everything. She disowned her entire family in her 20s. She claimed she was abused by her mom. Everything she claimed her mom did to her …. She has done to me ! I don’t have a good relationship with her at all and I could give you one million examples on how I tried to forgive and work on the relationship bc I know I only have one mom and I don’t have a father. It’s just not worth the stress anymore. I’m tired . I get so jealous of those who tell me that have an amazing mom and relationship with their mom. They don’t understand when I say that must be nice bc they haven’t experienced anything I have. I’m going to write a book on my life using different names bc it’s unbelievable on how I was and am treated by my mom and my one sister. I get along very much with one sis but she doesn’t understand at all bc we are treated completely different

[@Woundedbuterflynj]

Thank you so much all my life I’ve been told I was crazy , and delusional I was the problem and no the last few weeks I’ve ran across these videos and boom 😅I know the truth now

[@Anointed1s_TV]

It's deeper than this. This really is a good video and this woman help articulate this dilemma appropriately, but this is a spiritual problem. Families that portray that kind of behavior, what we assume as narcissism, is actually a demonic spirit and has to be resisted by spiritual tactics (prayer, confession, and fasting)

[@Lunarstruck1]

Amazing how easy it is to go no contact and be all alone when you've never had real family to begin with. It's freeing.

[@victoriao1828]

This is the best explanation of my life, and I don't even know you. I guess it's true, all of the scapegoats are siblings in spirit.

[@phoenixd9679]

Michele thank you 🙏 you’re explaining so clear this family dynamics, I am listening to many videos for years , to yours about four years trying to heal myself from narcissistic abuse. I am the Scapegoat recognizing it the first step, the getting free very slow step !

[@randinoms6149]

Thank you. I forgot how calming it is to hear someone talk about this.

[@cyberdebela]

Love you girl ! You helped me a lot 2 years ago... thank you 💕🍀

[@kristatimberlake600]

Going no contact is really hard. Realizing all this stuff at middle age is really hard. Sometimes, i wish i could just not take the blue pill and put the blinders back on. Having no tribe is difficult but when i saw how they treated me in front of my teen son, i couldn't accept that. Painting me as a villain with their wicked campaign and using social media to reach out to everyone i know after going no contact is probably the worst part.

[@christinep.4238]

You've eloquently defined & explained this more concisely than most I've heard. My Dad, now passed, was patriarch NARCISSIST & brainwashed my Mom. My only 1/2 sister (she has another dad) is golden child. Triangulation, isolation and after I spoke up to Dad, he disowned me for good once I told him to his face that he can't hurt me, control me or blame me anymore for anything!!! So, now he's gone my Mom & I are closer (def not the best, but good enough for now). Only problem is that she keeps me hidden from all other family **hides that we are speaking** (which I HATE!!!!) I don't know how to navigate or if I should ignore trying to change things I don't want to continue happening.😢 Still healing...

[@Anointed1s_TV]

They know that she is communicating with you, but they won't reveal it to you to protect her ego. She most likely told them, but usually a narcissist or co narcissist won't trust you after the years of abuse. You have to first try being gracious and forgiving, but not weak towards youre mom. If they reject the grace you give, then further limit contact.

[@nunnaurbiznez8815]

Thank you for this explanation. I have tried to move on and heal since my narcissistic mother who passed away 6 years ago, but my siblings who are 11 years older, born in the same year 11 months apart, have always teamed up against me and are even worse now. As I have come to understand the family dynamic that I grew up in through counseling with my son for his mental health crisis, I have learned that I was the scapegoat for my entire family. And while others on the outside have praised my ability to stop the cycle of abuse, my own siblings refuse to have even a single conversation about the fact that not only was I abused horribly as a child but it continued for my entire 54 years of life even as I became the sole care taker of my abusive mother. Somehow I was brainwashed into caring for a person who, not only never thanked me, but also framed me as an ungrateful freeloader who was taking advantage of her. On top of that, I believed it and my siblings were able to make me feel guilty because my mom left me her triple mortgaged house that I couldn't afford on my own so my siblings convinced me it was worthless property ( my mom was a hoarder)got me to sign it over and then proceeded to charge me double the mortgage for two years while I looked for a place that was affordable. I just found out that it is actually worth $600,000. They have never thanked me for taking care of my mom for the last 15 years of her life. In fact, my sister basically told me I was lucky that they took the house off my hands and I should be grateful they did me the favor of taking it over. I'm trying to find a way to not let what I know affect my relationship with my brother and sister because I was recently given a grim diagnosis which gives me a limited life expectancy. I am a single mother of an amazing 21 year old son. His dad is not in his life and I don't want him to feel totally alone when I'm gone. Thank you for pointing out that I am not the problem. Currently I am just working on not beating myself up for being too dumb to realize people in my life see me as the garbage can.

[@lindseyj5633]

Months ago my narcissistic mother wanted to discuss politics with my husband and I and it somehow turned into her yelling and screaming at us about things not relevant to politics but to who we are as people. She was saying all kinds of awful things to and about us and I was just so angry that I told her she made me want to slit my own throat and she actually went to hand me a knife. Psycho! Absolute psycho! I am still baffled at how it went from politics to the insane crap coming out of her mouth just for having a differing point of view.

[@Sage-qh3zg]

This is such a pwerful change of perspective for individuals dealing with these toxic family systems.

[@VEE-rd7cu]

Yep. During my Mom's hospitalized stay; they were supportive (thinking she would come home & I would be her caregiver)& kind. Eight days later, she died and they tore me apart. I No longer hold any contact with any of them.

[@LittleLulubee]

Excellent explanation. Perfect description of my family. Thank you, Michele 💗

[@davidcoloradosprings2975]

I realized I had the role of a "scapegoat" in the late eighties while watching John Bradshaw material on PBS. Michele brings this material to a new level.

[@kellyyork3898]

Don’t miss the cruelty and sadism in the narcissists’ actions while destroying the child. They choose to destroy this child…and they enjoy watching the chaos and destruction they create.

[@sallyvernon2375]

you verbalize these things better than anyone else I've heard ... you've got it exactly

[@mrhuxley123]

What you say is so very true. So much time passed to finally learn this. I finally woke up to the abuse I suffered and what I needed to do when I read the words of Christ: Everyone who has left houses, brothers, sisters, father, mother, children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times more, and he will obtain eternal life (Matthew 19:29). Thank you for sharing your truth. God bless.

[@brandibrown1820]

I would love to learn what i could do to help my bonus boys. At their moms house one is the scapegoat and the other is the golden child. I just want to help these 2 boys that i love so much to deal with this and grow up with as little trauma as possible because we cant control what happens at their moms house 😭

[@trudiswanson9855]

Hi Brandi, I've never been in your heart breaking situation, but, assuming you have access to your dearest boys, I just say to stay loving and happy when you're with them, giving each equal attention. Listen to and hear each of their conversations letting them understand each importance. Each son has his own person seperate from you. But mostly, let them see the real wonderful you. Mum will no doubt be brainwashing them. Believe you are a great dad to supply them with the real support they don't know they need.... and that's to acknowledge each personality is who they are... and encourage them to believe that too. I'm thinking of my own inability to do this while my xhusband owned their minds. God bless you.

[@victoriasage7]

Also educate them as to what is going on so they see it and they know it’s not normal

[@tamfx2138]

Oh it’s happening to my grandchildren. Unfortunately my mom got a hold of my difficult defiant daughter who had my beautiful grandchildren! Oh God this is so unfair

[@vanessamorey3812]

In my personal experiences, i only became the isolated scapegoated problem child living in a basement cell, alomg with my eldest sister in the next cell because we were females... The males lived upstairs with the trainwreck parents and their foster kid flying monkeys... When my older stepsister was taken to a mental ward for 6 months, i became the next dumpster for the toxic hate... No rhyme, no reason, i remember hearing hard footsteps tromping down the stairs above me... knowing the devil was coming to cuss me out, throw hatred at me, and leave me confused with no explanation as to why i was being accosted... This continued for YEARS once my sister came back, she ran away with some guy and moved to Alaska to stay... Wow...

[@Rain9Quinn]

But they (narcs, parents & siblings) also dont like their children surpassing them, or enjoying things they didnt have when they were that age, they get jealous, resentful, and sabotaging...

[@mariajmc6557]

Describes my mother. Jealousy is the key.

[@adjoaachampong3614]

Thank you so much for this video! What you are describing help me with my confusion on why my family doesn't want to see me improve and validates my lived experience of being a scapegoat for my family system.

[@nomorewar4189]

When my mom passed away - my sister took her position and is now running and controlling my dad - his money and his actives - spending etc. so we got people changing positions trying to keep he lid on and “control” everyone else for their own benefit - they learned it by observation and fit right in when the dynamics changed - but the narcissism is still full blown.

[@maca5868]

Yup! I got sober so they took me to a brewery. I stayed sober so they ostracized me from significant family events. (People would see they were lying about me). I quit cigarettes so one of them bought 2 packs of my brand for me. If they couldn't maintain the reasoning for their vile talk of me behind back while I continued breaking free of the role they imposed on me, then they would just make it a different reason/role. ("Crazy" seems to be all narcs's go-to) I went no contact so they tell people that they went no contact. It's a circus and they need a clown. If they can't find one, they'll just make one up or pick another family member who isn't there to speak for themself. Shoot, they'll actually keep talking about you YEARS after your last contact with them. They sit in a circle and feed each other with justifications and pats on the backs for being the good doing the right thing while they cheat lie and steal from you. They are extremely mentally ill and it's how they paint the scapegoat to avoid facing reality. If they steal, then they'll call you a thief They'll never stop, so get as far away as possible from these wicked twisted people or you will become like them in order to survive them. This isn't a dress rehearsal. It's your life. They'll fool u into thinking they are all you have and that they're the only ones who love you while they dismantle your relationships and convince you that you're worth less than the shit on the bottom of their shoe. They know you can do better and they know that if you realize this that their whole made up world will fall apart. The scapegoat is literally the glue holding their screwed up painting of "family" together.

[@Lyrielonwind]

After three years no contact, I'm wondering how are they dealing among them and who is dealing with their garbage.

[@mariastehlin2363]

Yes my family would say I'm an alcoholic and when I gave up after a few months, they said oh she was not an alcoholic or when I gave up smokes, they would provoke and provoke me to get me started but I resisted. After a time it became you better not have a cigarette or you're weak.

[@altariel1442]

I was crazy for getting sober and shamed for escaping an abusive marriage. They actually sided with him.

[@TheErraticCollector]

​@@altariel1442this is so spot on. My partner is this exactly. The family scapegoat who escaped a marriage and his parents, brother, ex wife and her new husband, her parents and the children from my partners marriage. All ganging up on him. We've just had to endure his father's funeral with them and it was all as clear as day to me what they are up to. His daughter is a doctor and she accuses him of bad behaviour and needing a psychiatrist when she is a flying monkey. Its all so sick. They accuse us of 'making a spectacle of ourselves' when we live in a beautiful home with our dogs and are happy being left alone. We've been together for 12 years and just before his father died, his mother said to me 'why did you have to save him'. I replied that if I had not, he would be 6ft under now. She didn't care. My partners refusal to cut his family off completely is taking an enormous strain on me because they are over 100 miles away yet still interfering. They live in a poor, depressed area. His ex wife moved her new husband into his home. Yet they lord it about as if they are really something. Its incredible to watch the entitlement. His brother who is the golden child and has no children of is own is a snide. He laps up the attention of his 2 nieces and doesn't care about his brother. He was in an industrial accident this year and he was just dismissive about it all. I think they are all repulsive individuals and I hate that we have to have anything to do with any of them. I've sacrificed so much in healing my partner and yet they all chip away at him and me. Its making me ill.

[@SimplyMulani]

Wow! I absolutely agree. I was scapegoated and I refused to fall in line and I chose to leave. It was interesting how going no contact for 10 years heals me. I’m never going back to the toxic family dynamic. I’m done

[@BrittanyPaul-sr1ws]

Left a month ago. Haven't had a single problem and I feel so much lighter

[@mariat8848]

Omg that is LITERALLY what is happening in my fam. Word by word.

[@leocampa6230]

I almost became a narcissist. Thank God life got hard and woke me up.

[@falsehoodbasher7240]

This is like The story of "Yusuf" (Joseph) [and "Yakub" (Jacob)] in Quran. When he grew up and became The king's advisor after being sold to slavery by his siblings, his siblings literally did not recognize him! He'd talk to them and they wouldn't know that they were talking to Yusuf (Joseph)! A VERY enlightening tale when and if one is able to circumvent The mistranslations and get to The juice. VERY healing, these stories from God and extremely validating.

[@nadi678]

In the midst of this. Knowing it's better for me to distance myself doesn't make it easy. It hurts. I love my fam but am also learning to love me and will persevere🦋

[@elizabethstockton1996]

My grandpa used to go around whistling when he had upset people.

[@cynthiarunge4858]

This was me ! And your right no one in family admits ...and just discovers this with sister . And I was isolated childhood adulthood. 4 siblings and their spouses went year after years to holidays all but me I wasn’t invited

[@webdoar]

Oooooh, do I ever know that situation of being the scapegoat child, plus there being opposite me, the golden child😢 And you are sooooo right. I affects your entire life😢

[@aking3624]

This explains why after MIL passed not one member of the family has called or written us!! It's been 2 years & we were her sole caretakers. She would only call family to complain, manipulate & extort gifts. Towards the end of her life, we found that she had convinced everyone that she was this wealthy widow that took pity on her son & allowed him to live in her home!! The reality was that she had a mountain of debt, required constant care (due to falling & setting kitchen fires), and her home almost being condemned due to mold!! 😠

[@hanswollo2545]

To a beautiful flower michelle....you the worst thing about being strong is nobody ever asked if your ok. Just need to know if you are...don't be ashamed of your scar's...thats what makes you so strong and so beautiful...there's nothing wrong with being broken...there's just more pieces of you too love...hope this message finds your in a good place

[@CharlieParker-m8u]

love this. I am the scapegoat, but used to sort of a golden child. I used to get some crumbs of love because "I was doing the right thing", however since marrying my lovely wife ( they did not approve) I have been the scapegoat. Healing is hard but so worth it, sending love to you all x

[@GrimR3ef3r]

I wish I would’ve learned all this before I was 30. I’m glad I have the knowledge now. Experience was the best teacher.

[@christinemadore1961]

My mom knew that I was the scape goat . She apologized when I was twelve. She basically said it was either her or me and she wasn’t strong enough. The golden child did exactly what you said . They depended on my patents until they cut them off financially and while they crawled into a bottle . I got help and was able to care for my parents until they passed. The golden child was no where to be found. Now I’m afraid that I’m seeing some of my father’s behavior one of my children . Who is using me as there scape goat . I allowed it so they wouldn’t do it to any one else. They’re getting council ing but I have no idea how to handle this . I feel like a child again , right back there. I’m praying the help they’re getting is the right kind and that there counselor sees it. I tried so hard to break this family chain that has been from what I saw going on far too long. Any ideas?

[@deelight9963]

That ALLOW part ks how narcissm starts 😢us empaths have to stay strong am firm and not allow stuff

[@Anointed1s_TV]

It's a demonic spirit you're allowing to attempt to recreate the generational curse

[@SS-in1ts]

I think I was the scapegoat for my mom and sisters, and then the golden child and scapegoat for my dad. The stamp of approval is the hardest thing to overcome. I left 15 years ago and with almost no contact and still being accused and attacked. I’m tired of the energy it’s taking from my life, in my mid 30’s and still wears on me. Researching how to not feel like a sad lonely victim while I long for my family and their approval even though I’m no longer in contact with them. Not easy to find how to overcome this. Thank you for your video, I appreciate your time :)

[@theyrekrnations8990]

The wave of Narcissistic exposure on the internet has opened the eyes of many.

[@andrewl2735]

You are always such a shining light Michele, thank you for sharing your incredible insight. It has completely shaped my recovery over the last 5 years and you continue to inspire, heal and educate me. I always recommend you to people suffering CPTSD, your work is pioneering and seminal. Like many of us well into their recovery I have the Phd in narcissism, narcissistic abuse, attachment theory, self-love, inner child work, cptsd and codependency, as well as importantly codependent abuse. I've had 5 years of trauma-informed therapy that as turned my life around, lost count of the books i've read, the hundreds of papers on the subject and videos watched. Still you shine among the world's experts with your clear cut knowledge and understanding and communication. You create a powerful wave of hope and healing that transforms the lives of those in recovery from abuse. You are an angel, thank you.

[@GenXwarrior]

Being a scapegoat I have never truly been able to trust anyone wholeheartedly and that's sad

[@jessicasmith7102]

I am invisible.

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

I know the feeling - but it does get better!!! Do YOU see you? The first step is learning how to show up for yourself and value yourself .... the external will follow!! You can do this!

[@lynnbass708]

I’m 65 I have worked out you can’t change peoples perspective when it’s been manipulated by the narcissist. Not their fault, not mine either. I have cut off contact, because they are not worth the effort and what they think of me is their problem not mine. I am happy with the family I have created I am loved by my husband, and the golden child in my family is miserable and unloved. Sad but true but I personally am at peace with myself