FTM Dysphoria, Even When You are Pretty

[@Aquadeam]

GOD i am so happy i found this video. i've been struggling with this so much. if my body was someone elses body, i'd be attracted to it!! like, a lot! but it is my body! and it doesn't match what's in my head! and that's so confusing! this makes me feel so much better. thank you.

[@ryandebruyn9575]

this is so important, thanks guys! I get asked all the time why I am transitioning when I make such a beautiful "woman" and you put the words right in my mouth, I never really knew how to go about answering that, other than it feels right. recognizing it as if you stayed a cis female you would be living a fake life is such a good way to describe it. So thank you!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Avery DeBruyn I was surprised how this really resonated with so many people and became such a popular video. It's true, transmen and transwomen across the board experience this. But now matter how beautiful, if it's not real, it's not real.

[@FinnTheInfinncible]

I love your vids man! great topic, i think people often think trans guys transition because they werent "successful" at being female,in that only butch looking/less attractive women transition, they dont get that its not about that. You can be the sterotypical perfect looking woman & still feel at odds inside,am I making sense...i fear not! I also agree that we are blessed to exist on the bridge between genders and have an insight to both sides and a balance between masculine and feminine views.

[@mijailyo7474]

I wasn't a gorgeous 'woman' before, but people said I was more or less "cute", and that I /had to/ want to be pretty. So I dressed with skirts, and bows, and laces and my hair was amazingly long and curly. But it doesn't matter how much I tried, I never was 'enough' woman, it was always a costume. The day I said stop was the beginning of a brand new world, and I started to be the man I really am. Congratulations for your transition guys, you two are cool (and handsome tbh).

[@faronwatts4048]

I get this all the time "Your a beautiful young woman and you like men" yeah well Im not comfortable, and feel alien in my own body plus my gender has nothing to do with my sexuality.

[@fermentingdragon]

right. i came out as trans to my mom, but i'm just ignored. last time she got ahem furious not even angry and started mixing sexuality in and just. so i was assigned as female at birth but i'm male by gender. i know i'm pansexual, nothing changed, i was even when i didn't realize i was trans. i didn't come out as pansexual before trans and now she's just complaining that i'm making everything harder for HER. so i am ignored and made fun of and SHE can't understand that i can like guys even if i'm a guy. and she claims she's not a homophobe. kids understand that

[@ClosetTransgender]

+Kaname Itaru (ectoplasmLunatic) Kaname, parents & the people close to us will put up the biggest resistance because they feel they "know us," and parents especially feel they make us, or build us & in some cases they get mixed up and believe they can control who we are or change us because we are pieces of them. But there is a boundary that exists between all people, no matter how close we are to others, we also have our own identity & total control over own lives, decisions & destinies. It's hard for parents as we get close to leaving the best, sometimes the fight they put up is an attempt to protect you-- but your mom is expressing her fears, her worries, and it also shows how much she doesn't know & understand this topic. You can be her teacher, you will always be the specialist on the topic of you. If she cannot learn at this time, eventually she will, because as you get older you will create the distance you need to be you. She is the one who loses out if she keeps being angry, because you are actually fine. I made a recent video called: message to my younger self, where I talk about this. Might want to check it out!

[@fermentingdragon]

+ClosetTransgender honestly all that she's worried about is what HER friends will say and how the hell she's supposed to explain the situation to THEM. but still worried i guess. i'll watch the video :D

[@ClosetTransgender]

+ClosetTransgender as long as you see what's happening, and don't play the game. If she's only worried about what others think, then that's her problem. Not yours. Enjoy the freedom, because you do not have to carry that burden with her. Focus on you. check out the video with my mom, she separates herself from doing that, and maybe your mom could see that video & be inspired?

[@fermentingdragon]

ClosetTransgender she doesn´t speak english unfortunately. or fortunately idk. we´re slovak

[@ezrasmith1189]

I love this video. Because I get that I'm a beautiful woman all the time and it just doesn't feel right. It's never felt right. And now that I actually know why I want to do something about it but my parental support is nearly nonexistent unfortunately. This video gives me some hope though. I may go from a really attractive woman to an awkward looking, short, lanky guy. But at least I'll be a happy man.

[@ravensilverleaf]

I was also seen as a "pretty female", and I hated it. I am a man and will never look back. I knew since I was 3. We gotta be who we really are, and I am a man, and thank you for these vids. They help us T-guys. This inspires me to do the same. TY Bro!

[@thegreatwhaley]

You're the best, Forest! Such an honor to be one of your guests :) You're always keeping people honest and on their toes! Love it!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you for this meaningful comment. I have make an effort to learn & share things, even when the truth is difficult. In my past videos I have some other really nice interview pieces that I am so thankful to be able to sometimes revisit. It's a deep journey.

[@ClosetTransgender]

Yes! We have to keep sharing stories, because there so much we can all relate to and help put into words for one another!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you so much vixen! It has been an honor to interact!

[@Gambeli02]

Really interesting interview, Forest. I like how you ask the tough questions with a helping of humor.

[@SebastianMichaelis69]

He is not average! He is very good looking for a guy.

[@chamaeleont]

"Will you talk about how sexually attractive you were?" "... eh sure" Great conversation starter, right there! Hahaha.

[@tkreiner]

Being trans does make you so much nicer, it's true!! And best comment of the year!! Besides that, very very true vid. Thanks for putting into words what some of us can't!

[@ClosetTransgender]

You made sense, AND it was a GREAT comment. Thank you for putting a finger on that sentiment. It's fascinating this whole deal.

[@XYinside]

This was a really great video. I can completely relate. These are things that I would love for people I'm coming out to to know. Thanks to both of you.

[@ClosetTransgender]

You are a brave soul, a great conversationalist and a laugh and a half of a fun time. Thank you for your willingness! Until next time...

[@MrLostboyy]

I didn't like being sexually attractive female because it brought on a lot of unwanted attention from people I didn't want it from. Idk, I never really appreciated the compliments like I do now that's for sure.

[@tobyr3]

Thanks for adding more fresh perspectives to the mix you've already shared.

[@attlee2010]

Incredibly thought provoking video, one of the best I've seen on youtube in a great deal of time, thank you :-)

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you so much!

[@vwestlife]

Do you have a slight Scottish accent, or am I imagining it? I dunno, it sort of comes and goes during the video.

[@ClosetTransgender]

I appreciated Dana's brutal honesty, and had a great time exploring these topics.

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you, that comment is short but hugely impacts me-- specially in my heart.

[@honestlythetruth6664]

Thank you for making this video. I struggle with this so much, about being attractive as a woman but not feeling right in my body.

[@thegreatwhaley]

Thanks Dade! I loved it! Hopefully I'll get to see you on my next trip!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Your story is becoming increasingly more common thanks to good people and trans-awareness. Your story is as important as any other. Live it up!

[@ClosetTransgender]

That's true, and that is an important point to make. Also, even when a transperson tells any kind of story about "what it is like" there are over millions of stories, each a different and they are all important! Thank you Ellie!

[@ClosetTransgender]

You can do it! I am so glad you are watching. You deserve to be happy--that is for sure!

[@ClosetTransgender]

I have waited so long for groupies. Thank you! You brighten my day!

[@ClosetTransgender]

That was sweet when Dana said that! Being trans makes us deep too. Thank you for your comment!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thanks so much! This comment made me feel very handsome, and now I am dancing with joy!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thanks, simply stated, yet powerfully felt!

[@proudvirginian]

"It really feels good to be at this place...." That helps so much. I'm 7 months HRT M2F and I'm not quite at that place, but I felt good and hopeful when you said that.

[@jokifka]

Well he is still very attractive as a guy, that was the first thing I thought when I saw him, so nothing really changed he's just attractive to a different audience now hehe

[@Innerbalance66]

Hi guys I've really enjoyed ur video and I know exactly where ta coming from.Im a small guy myself 5ft 1 and yeah being small at forty six and now fully in my male body and learning all the time about bring male is sometimes hard work lol ;) I work with a lot of young fit blokes and its like blah blah blah but ya just get on with it having a chip on ya shoulder just isn't an option coz it drags ta down :)....Felix

[@jb43057]

Average guy? Lmao Dana is hot as :P

[@ClosetTransgender]

That's interesting! Thanks for your comment!

[@EthanAllanPoe]

Great video - lots to relate to! Keep em coming.

[@ClosetTransgender]

I always hope it isn't a constant repeat of what has been said before, but man-- it is fun everytime, making these videos, meeting other trans folks.

[@ElectricDade]

Nice job guys:) Awesome to see you made it to the Pacific Northwest Dana! Welcome:)

[@ClosetTransgender]

Yes, the people we love most are the ones who make coming out the scariest. The fear we have when we think of what our lovers or what our family will think/feel/experience delays many transgender journeys. But is it right to cater to what everyone else needs, while ignoring your own?

[@ClosetTransgender]

Yeah, people don't understand the pain of the dysphoria makes you blind to the shell you are in. It's hard trying to get it across sometimes. But we deserve to be who we are!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thanks Gabe! Do you think the world is ready for a video with two studs on a couch? Miss you two bro!

[@298maia]

I think Dana is really hot even now!! And wow your eyes are amazing :3 and the dimple.. oh god i love dimples!! :)

[@CalebMeadetman2015]

I'm straight, but I gotta say you both are really attractive guys.

[@pelenta.forrest6127]

Just my personal opinion.I'd date you.The reason being is because you are a person,with feelings.I know it seems like a slow process but hopefully one day,people will just back off and accept people for people.You both are very handsome.Continue to let your voice be heard.:):):)

[@Mikmaqdrag]

He is so cute! And he seems like such a nice guy (:

[@ClosetTransgender]

It brings a smile to my face when my voice cracks. I like the way it feels, I think you will too!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Wow! Thanks so much, makes me feel special for sure, unless you meant that compliment for my friend Dana in which case I'm sure it makes him happy!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you for adding your thoughts on this!

[@ClosetTransgender]

So sweet, thank you!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thanks for checking out the windows to my soul man. I appreciate hearing your perception-- age has been a tricky thing to navigate. I've lived & seen alot.

[@Kalialover90]

both of you rock. nice video, thanks alex

[@ClosetTransgender]

You are awesome! I love this!

[@Zedie36]

Your bangs have an obvious magnetic pull towards Dana's and vice versa. The chemistry is there after all! Beauty pageant types typically don't turn into students of medicine and lovers of guide dogs. Wise choice to follow your heart Dana. Wise Forest. Miss you already.

[@mrfroggygojumpjump]

Such a great video!

[@kat6666]

I'm counting on that, because I'm actually in the middle of figuring that kind of stuff out, and I value your opinions!

[@alocoweed]

Great video! This made me laugh. I can relate to Dana not that i was a slammin' hot super model, but i had that beachy long blonde hair and girl next door look. People (especially my own mother) used to tell me "but you ((used to be)) so pretty!" As if my prettiness as a woman with chd bearingcapabilities could trump a life of dysphoria and depression.

[@LarissaGoldberg]

I'm a pretty decent guy and some people I'm close with(not really anymore) can't imagine me wanting to identify as female and try to attribute it to schizophrenia simply based on the way I look. This video should be required viewing material for all cis babies.

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thanks so much for adding your voice on this. It is one of the most difficult things about being trans: you have this healthy functioning body, but it feels so WRONG!!! It is a hard one to explain to others who don't understand, and cis people can act as harsh judges. You and me, we gotta educate the masses! I'm glad you found this channel, your thoughts were a real compliment.

[@LovelyDreamer21]

And I feel like, I will be disobeying God or going against Him if I change to be a man. I am so scared and so confused. The area that I live in, there is no one like me. I live in KY, people dont have open minds. I dont know what to do.

[@karmamelk9]

When you are able to, move away to a more open-minded community (San Francisco, Los Angeles, NY, etc.)

[@ClosetTransgender]

What a gem.

[@AshPTv]

your vids are great, and this has really helped me can relate to that lot thanks u legends

[@tsoihawk]

Great topic!!! Thanks for this!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Aw schucks, that makes my day! I would totally do you too! Thanks!

[@ClosetTransgender]

That's for sure! Good message to spread!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Get ready for more!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you! It's a treat to hear.

[@thegreatwhaley]

Thanks Gabe :) Miss you!

[@maxontrax3713]

love it boys... you two are hilarious

[@ClosetTransgender]

Right back at you bro! Keep on rockin!

[@bnnm01]

I can relate to this. I always id rather be a not so attractive guy. Before transitioning I would look at guys that people would say are not so attractive but in my head I'll be thinking,'at least he's a guy, and that's what I want to be seen As'. Nice video guys

[@ClosetTransgender]

The blonde one is blushing!

[@zetabyte99]

Hey Dana- Where'd you get the sweet jacket? Looks awesome bro.

[@TDog215]

The smile upon my face is just as fake as this life i live. ive always been different but i dont have to say it for people to see it. ive been forced to believe im not good enough. my chest burns with rage. my ears turn cherry red. it feels almost as if im standing in the middle of a hurricane, watching the wind spin faster, sucking the air straight out of my lungs. my frail body falls limply. im unfixable. 16 years of trying to get help, but im still just as clueless as the day i was born.

[@ClosetTransgender]

I think if something attracts you to an ftm you should totally go for it!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Oops, did I forget the H when I linked it? I will fix that. Thanks!

[@ClosetTransgender]

Do you mean viewed, or interviewed... cuz I'll check out your channel right now.

[@ClosetTransgender]

Awww, thanks!

[@ClosetTransgender]

That is so sweet! One day we will have to make a video with the 3 of us on a date! LOL! In any case, as far as terminology, the opposite of transgender is cisgender. Cisgender= gender & body alignment. I sure do appreciate your thoughtful and acknowledging comment--and I like your accent ;)

[@recklesskid1000]

my friends you seem to have overlooked the fact that you're both incredibly handsome men now haha great video!

[@MrClague]

Omg, I get this. I'm always getting asked "why? You have everything" but really, looks are nice sure but I'll be way happier as a relatively average guy than a good looking woman. At least then you can match your body with your mind instead of basing your whole identity on your looks instead.

[@LovelyDreamer21]

I need help. I feel that intense pain everyday & I feel isolated. I feel like I am alone. I was born female, but I dont feel like I was born in the correct body. I am scared to tell anyone because I dont want to hurt them. I have an awesome relationship with my family & I dont want to upset them. But I dont want to be female. Everyday I try to act like a woman and I feel so awkward. I feel like I am being fake. I dont know what to do. I dont know if I should suck it up and be a woman or change.

[@vibrantvixen000]

I absolutely adore your videos. Im so fascinated with people of all kinds, especially those in the LGBT community! Your awesome and adorable!! :)

[@ClosetTransgender]

Yuo, gotta keep on keeping on!

[@KytheTransMan]

You know, Im heavy but Im always told "God, you're so attractive" and my mother boasts about me being her most beautiful daughter... man that pisses me off. Totally well stated *thumbs up*

[@ClosetTransgender]

This is a bigger question than I can answer in the comment box. I'll get back to you on this though!

[@maxontrax3713]

of course... I too am ridiculously good looking ;)

[@krpbdp]

Neither one of you is an "average" guy. You are both handsome and good, intelligent men....really what a real man should be!

[@AndyMcKeever12]

"Normal" is highly overrated! People are so much more normal when they are who they really are; when they are happy in their own skin; when they don't have to hide; when they feel at peace...don't you think? Getting the privilege to be in both worlds can be very enlightening. What a world it would be if that were true for all! Thanks again!

[@melg.9028]

I have an incredibly awesome woman body... and I hate it.

[@ClosetTransgender]

Thank you for sharing this. It is a difficult struggle and you are not alone.

[@Auswurkung]

I just have to say how much I love you guys. Wish I knew you personally. You're all so amazing. And look amazing. Is it wrong of me to say I've always wanted to be in a relationship with a FTM?

[@alexhaney100]

transitioned to an 'average looking guy'... psh puhhh-lease dana you're still a supermodel!

[@ClosetTransgender]

They call me smoooooth.

[@wilsonfreeman3702]

What camera/other equipment do you use to film your vlog?

[@midnightlilac4170]

I always thought that because of how my legs looked, I couldn't be who I really wanted to be. I've realized over my lifetime that I never truly felt like a woman. I never really felt like I had to prove myself as a female, or look a certain way as a female. As a kid I was always into sports (even though I was never really good at running, lol) and would always hang out with guy friends more so than girl friends. So here's my question going out to anyone: Do you appreciate the way your body looks a lot more than what it looks after you become transgendered? (dumb question I know, but I'd appreciate the feedback.)

[@ClosetTransgender]

This is not a dumb question at all. Here has been my experience: Going through hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and changing my system from an estrogen dominated system to a testosterone dominated system the body physically changes and everything for me has started to "feel better." This process of changing through hormones is referred to as "transitioning" or "transitioning using hormones." One of the biggest challenges being in a body that does not feel like home is that you do not relate to what you see in the mirror, being a man who sees a woman in the mirror is like seeing yourself in a costume. Even if it is a beautiful or healthy woman reflecting back-- it still is mismatched and not easy to relate to. The term "transgender" is used to describe gender identity. For example, I am a transgender person, I'm a man who at birth was "assigned" the title/label girl or female by doctors on a piece of paper, but internally I have this understanding and knowledge that I am simply a boy, a man. All people have this internal compass which guides us through life, people who do not struggle with the gender mismatch (which is the majority of society) are called "cisgender." Most cisgender do not think twice about if they are a man or woman because they do not have to, they have a comfortable fit, their body matches their identity. HOWEVER, cisgender men and women are still sometimes hassled or noticed if they challenge gender stereotypes about masculinity and femininity. But now I am really getting away from your original question.... As you do your research here on the internet, you will come to learn that using hormones will change your body, often dramatically. As you describe yourself relating to guys and not relating to being a woman, it reminds me of how many transmen feel before transitioning. Transitioning using testosterone would send your body through a male puberty. Your body would become more muscular, more lean, less fat, and also your female fat patterns change to male fat patterns over time (women's to the thighs, men's to the belly). Also your voice deepens, facial hair develops-- various things change. For me what it feels like is HEAVEN! It is fixing something that has been a problem for a long time. I LOVE MY BODY NOW!! I love my deep voice, the fact that I can really see my muscles and veins, the fact that people recognize me as a man every where I go. I can easily make friends and I am more open and connected. I used to be the way you described: Indifferent to my appearance as a woman--- but now, as a man, I care about everything, I care about how I look and feel-- and it makes me feel like I am really living and watching. If you look at the videos I have posted over time through my channel I think you may relate to many of the topics I discuss. Thank you for watching this and putting up your question.

[@MrAtchBack]

Great video! I could relate to al lot

[@ClosetTransgender]

Sounds like I have something to work on. --the short guy

[@ishatounjoya9991]

Why dont you make videos anymore ?hope all is well by your side

[@becca9199]

Plus I love your eyes omg