Full and complete Very Clever Primatives - Science Fiction Audiobook

[@LordGarryk]

46:05 *dog barks* "Where was that outburst from!" A funny coincidence that those two lined up

[@WingManFang1]

“…I did Unspeakable things to That slice of Pizza!…” Dude I’m dead 😂🤣😹🤣😂🥲☠️

[@xenn4985]

* pulls up to planet with a ship a third the size of their moon * "Alright play it cool, we dont want to spook them"

[@alexanderrosario8569]

Basically the human equivalent of putting a gun to the head and saying, "alright, let's talk."

[@viniciuslopesmodena]

More like an accurate biblical angel descending the sky saying " don't be afraid"

[@achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233]

Look Guys .. It's not a Moon, it's a Space Station !!! ..

[@scoundral2995]

Imagine just walking by the cafeteria and you just see a fucking a lizard as tall as an adult shouting a foriegn language while your coworkers are just standing there fucking terrified.

[@angrybirdsmuseum7241]

Yes I’m imagining it. It is funny as one of the funniest things I’ve ever Heard

[@MasteropHat42]

I would probably shit myself like that would be super scary

[@cloudedarctrooper]

Yeah that just sounds like an average day in Ohio. Were it Florida though, those co-workers would be taking it in stride and even having some back and forth banter

[@theangrygermanlad1328]

@@cloudedarctrooper average ohio day

[@manjoring5944]

So you mean a Frenchmen or an Italian

[@clonechoopa31]

"Humans were very good at telling nature, technology, and any other threat to go fuck itself." This quote is perhaps the most hilarious that I've encountered in a long time.

[@Enterprise6126]

also very true

[@JamesJohnson-lt6cl]

Also, very true.

[@Blacktoothoneil]

Also hard af

[@dutchboy9273]

Hilarious but true.

[@sherylcascadden4988]

I can't really argue with pizza and coffee being food fit for gods .... I had coffee listening to this, and today's my wedding anniversary, and hubby promised me pizza from our favorite restaurant, so timing is good...

[@masterpython]

Imagine when he tries chocolate

[@sunzero2152]

weird way of calling yourself a god

[@usernamealreadytaken9330]

Dr. Mormheim: No energy drink for alien Also Dr. Mormheim: *Give caffeine to alien*

[@notajalapeno4442]

energy drink had more caffeine and more than just that

[@jadedoptimistt]

No whiskey, beer is fine tho

[@devinohanlon5501]

Coffee is a non lethal level unlike monster energy

[@MisterFoxton]

​@@notajalapeno4442Nah, coffee has more caffeine per mL than Monster.

[@johnokland1652]

Depends on the beans and roast as your roast coffee darker it burns off more of the caffeine and like other plants different strains and blends have different effective doses monster is always monster and has many many extra stimulants including a host of b vitamins that would probably do alot more harm in combination to alien that the mild stimulation of 8oz cup of foldgers medium roast cheap ass hospital swill that left him shaking uncontrollably in bed for a few hours

[@AaronPLehmann]

I'm a father with two daughters. The bit where the little girl's father was hugging Sko'lan almost made me cry. Thank you for your narration.

[@kevinafrank104]

I was tearing up myself. I just sent mine into the world. It was written well

[@alundavies8402]

It’s a good story especially that bit

[@dalemorgan8263]

As a habitual Monster consumer myself, I concur, *no energy drinks for the alien.*

[@kingmasterlord]

that shit'll give you kidney stones and nerve damage

[@Amoth_oth_ras_shash]

hmm....how about energy bars ? ..coffie ? hehehehehe aliens think monkies scary ,jack one up on caffeine and sugar ontop of that and run lizzards!.. diplomatic meeting prosponed until the monky starts talk slow enough to be understood agen i bet ^^

[@dalemorgan8263]

Ideally one would carefully step up their dosage in step with their tolerance.

[@dalemorgan8263]

Realistically it would be Murphy's Law

[@robertschumacher2707]

And switch them to (bleh!) Decaf.

[@L_Monke]

Out of all the stories about bad aliens, it is nice to hear a story about good aliens.

[@ryanmg02]

All extra terrestrials are bad humanity first.

[@jayhayhay5124]

​@@ryanmg02 no pet space hounds for you.

[@sephiroaone-of-nine101]

same its nice, these are the stories I love

[@draconicisha]

​@@ryanmg02ok mr. Inquisitor, even the emperor had a friendlier view

[@Mikesfungame]

If this was a movie, "Remember, Lan, they knocked on our door first" would win an Oscar.

[@CanCodeyt]

"so how do you intend to fix this child" "Nanomachines Son"

[@Zeknif1]

“We’ll keep you safe from the people, but try not to trip on a rock and let the planet get ya.” I imagine some of the warrior caste would get along just fine with lower ranked soldiers just on sense of humor alone.

[@Thisguy222_22]

honestly they would get along with marines very well

[@Beauloqs]

So true 😂😂

[@maacll4343]

Or imagine the other way round.. Shitting a whole planets ecosystem to death

[@WingManFang1]

If this is how it actually goes down eventually, there may be hope for humanity

[@migarsormrapophis2755]

aliens won't be so similar to humans, this is just the Star Trek syndrome of turning aliens into slightly different humans If crows were as intelligent as humans, and as technologically advanced, their sense of morality would seem like pure evil to us. Some thing for ants, bees, squid, dolphins, lions, and any other social species that already exists on Earth. Our sense of morality is fundamentally based on what works for us as a species, so different species have different senses of morality. The tiny morphological and psychological differences between human subspecies have already resulted in a bunch of nigh-incompatible moral systems. Imagine how different, how _inconceivably_ any real social alien's sense of morality would be to ours? And that's assuming we encounter a social species - what if we encounter an asocial species like octopuses who evolved intelligence for reasons other than to deal with social interaction? There's every chance that if we encounter an alien species, it will be entirely amoral, with no sense of morality whatsoever. On Earth, species that have larger ranges are almost universally more adaptable than species that have smaller ranges, simply because the species with larger ranges have to be able to deal with a wider range of climates and biomes. That's why island-dwelling species invariably lose the battle of competition whenever mainland species are introduced to them. If there are interstellar species out there, then they're adaptable enough to survive in all the myriad different environments found in space, and we're just a niche little island species. If we don't get out act together soon, if we don't colonize space and start adapting to it, if we meet aliens while we're still Earthbound, _we're doomed._ These stories are a little too prideful. It might seem refreshing to have a story where humans turn out to be the strong space orks and all the aliens are biologically weaker, as a subversion of the normal reverse trend in fiction, but the fact is, the normal representation of aliens as biologically superior is almost certainly more accurate. It's all well and good for Dodo birds to write fiction about how, when they finally make contact with other species from the mainland, the Dodos will actually be far superior, contrary to what one would expect - but it doesn't change the fact that rats like the taste of Dodo bird eggs, and Dodo's don't have any natural predator response, which means anyone can just walk up to them and kill them and they won't even try to resist. We're likely cosmic Dodos, woefully unaware and unprepared for the true heights of galactic, or even intergalactic, fitness.

[@DanjasLP]

This is one of those videos I put on when I'm in a "One more video" loop to excuse my unhealthy sleeping habits

[@Nellak2011]

Exactly!!! It is now 6am here.

[@joaolemes8757]

Quick and short 5 hours

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

I think they meant they would end up falling asleep due to not constantly watching another video

[@bennood2031]

This story was a masterpiece, normally with a HFY story I leave it with an 'awesome' feeling, but I left this one with a bit of a 'lot of fear' and a 'bit of hope' - for the aliens. Basically, humans by the end of it, because we followed the alien's perspective, show how absolutely dangerous we are, but at the same time you end it with hoping things, if humans aren't lying - which they do in spades - might be better. You have a mix of feelings between "this is a bad idea" - but at the same time wondering if it will come out well in the end. Dimitris ending comment with 'basically you will be humbled too' was both honest, scary, and honestly very much the encapsulation of this story, but at the same time "not" the entire story. It was basically a mix between the threat and potential of what we would offer. I've never heard a HFY story this good, this was masterfully done and written, as it ends on emotional ambiguity rather then 'resolved', it's like the aliens have opened a Pandoria's box, but just like the story you've got hope left in the bottom of it. (And - the fact that it left me - a person who tends to be pretty unemotional with "a feeling - rather than a statement") says something.

[@ezonplays2260]

An unemotional person is a psychopath, so they say since i am a medically diagnosed psychopath who is pretty unemotional.

[@bennood2031]

@@ezonplays2260 Tell me your an INTJ without telling me your an INTJ.

[@The_Viscount]

He would absolutely have a heart attack to a Mountain Dew let alone a Monster.

[@Starlitsoul0359]

Humans. Making drinks that’d kill any other species for pretty much our entire existence as a species.

[@someoneawesome8717]

His reaction to coffee was brilliant though

[@seanrobert9661]

or a rosco and six shells-tall house drip expresso six charges.

[@TheMonk72]

Mountain Dew is mostly sugar. Coffee has more caffeine - well, good coffee does.

[@crowgrabber_former_er5bb8yb2t]

Death wish coffee would kill him, then revive him just to kill him again

[@taith2]

Really good story, wish there was more, and author did often include color meaning to the end of a story Really good stuff

[@PoIy178]

Bro, this story just made me realise how if the planet catachan from 40k exists, it would quite literally just be Earth. Its an interesting idea how other "habitable" planets could be CONSIDERABLY more safe as well

[@achimdemus-holzhaeuser1233]

We even have our own Sly Marbo :)

[@Kidozy]

What an emotional rollercoaster! Love it!

[@gat2asp919]

Another great one. So glad I found this channel over my Xmass work break.

[@abrahamsorby8193]

Not a single person in that cafeteria will ever pronounce "pizza" the same way again

[@chrisroberts1089]

I could barely breathe when he went for coffee and pizza😂🤣😂🤣 great writing lol

[@ZenoReaperMax1781]

I cried my eyes out to the sick children part. Especially the little girl who kept being strong no matter how weak she felt.

[@bethanigoodrich846]

I'm not crying your crying. When he treats the little girl is amazing hit me right in the feels

[@lukegreen8452]

Great story. Only thing I thought was funny was when he described the coffee as "earthy". I think that may be the best description of any drink from earth with his perspective lol

[@Talon1124]

RGB lizards from space... jeeze I can just imagine the sight of Scalarn drinking coffee.

[@Obligate.Carnivore]

More than halfway through and this story is touching! I love the writing. Well done 👍

[@johncastille8849]

God this story is so amazing. Im over halfway through and i love it so much.

[@Gunny177]

Best story I've heard in a long time. I wish this was an official book and that there was a second book out by now for it

[@draegonspawn5361]

Sko'Lan and his desire/love for beds and chairs is definitely relatable.

[@blkstang83]

As an alien myself, I totally agree, no Monster drink for the alien. I have see what drinking those drinks do to humans.

[@americankid7782]

Considering how a large portion of our foods send our heart to an extremely high rate of beats, I think any extraterrestrial entity should be very careful before eating our food.

[@chrislenz6634]

Great story, good writing, I learned from it as well. High praise, in my book. Some things to ponder, ideas to think about or ignore, maybe add some additional depth. Money is a unit of measure of the ability of a society to produce goods and services. Healthcare is rationed, in most places it is rationed based on availability, in the US it is mostly rationed based on cost...there has been attempts to change that, but they have failed and made things more expensive and less available....also, most of the world has good healthcare and bad sick care, the US has bad healthcare, but great sick care, if you see the difference. Poverty is complicated, homelessness in the US has 3 main groups. 1, the mentally ill, this is a tragedy. 2. Transient homelessness, the person living paycheck to paycheck and something happens. This group usually gets into a shelter, gets help and gets out of it, more on poverty in a min. 3. The largest group is the people who want to be homeless, for one reason or another. They choose the lifestyle. Poverty is a mindset and skillset, not a condition. Unfortunately, the skills that enable you to survive in poverty are really bad at getting someone out of it. The people who get out of poverty are the ones who find a different mindset and develop a different skillset. Thank you for the story!!!

[@Pryupism]

I liked the led zeppelin part. I laughed

[@yyeetmax2849]

this would be a brilliant movie if done correctly, though it would need to be made by the right director, the wrong one might make this with a human protagonist

[@ravenouself4181]

So... Tartakovsky is the only option then?

[@yyeetmax2849]

@@ravenouself4181 ooo, that would be, in short, fucking ideal

[@grimothy_chalkman]

@@yyeetmax2849 I would like to posit a possible alternative; Villeneuve?

[@TheMonk72]

So much of the story is inner thoughts though. Hard to convey.

[@yyeetmax2849]

@@TheMonk72 yes, that makes it quite a bit harder than a usual story

[@Obligate.Carnivore]

Wow! Great story! I loved it. What a way to put into words what it is to be HUMAN! You’re a great writer to be sure!!

[@georgerowe9166]

An excellent story and a boss level narration!

[@xenn4985]

Reddit and communist aliens, name a more iconic duo.

[@sammasic5849]

Democrats & Aliens! 😅

[@sethheier7548]

Keith Laumer was an author with a humorous twisted bent and I sure enjoying this story!!!

[@amberpelton5679]

Omg...i love this story. I was actually jealous about how their emotions make their scales light up like that. Pretty. Kinda like a mood ring 😂

[@lancejobs]

2:48:00 news crew Voice Over, today seen on leaked CC TV of the supposed alien healer is seen violating pizza by consuming it is an uncouth manor. The world is silent at this atrocity....

[@chrissoto7187]

Lol 😂 they literally knocked on the dam door.

[@SFDISME]

Amazing story. Great narration. You bring world's of fiction to life for me

[@kevingalipean472]

When they described monster as basically poison, i nearly died laughing, as i was literally drinking one (and yes they are basically poison). Great story that pulled a lot of emotions out of me, thank you for improving my grey day!

[@Ortian9]

I loved this story, thanks for reading this for us^^

[@wearenumberone1111]

I love these kind of stories

[@MN-bx5cs]

In anime, I always felt awkward when characters overreacted to new foods but I think it was because it was only visual, I think I prefer if the emotions were written similarly like it was done around this time, 2:48:00. I guess I feel more pride as a earthling

[@natebrown7968]

I want to see more wholesome stories like this one

[@suig7967]

That astronaut is a real one

[@crowsenpai5625]

Aliens: (inside ship panicking about how to handle first contact) Human: (notices cargo door and begins immediately pounding) “Let me in…LET ME IIIIIIIIIIN!”

[@rallyman6442]

when i heard they where lizards i just imagined them as the lizard men in skyrim

[@tiltedangel2727]

Frl all I saw in my head was multi colored argonians 😂

[@taith2]

Wish there was cheatsheet about colors/emotion status, sorta stumbled on it

[@bradchesser2211]

"There was no biologist scholar just sko'lan the cocoon" well this proves that scientists from two different species act pretty much the same when not wanting to get out of bed 😂

[@chaplaingilgamesh2964]

He reacted with awe to hospital pizza. I wonder what his reaction to real, honest to god italian pizza would be

[@lancejobs]

1:48:00 new player on lobby, Enters The G Man!

[@user-sq5mr8ut1o]

I think the best part of this is how after all the anger and annoyance Sko'lan experienced with humanity. It was Ska'ya that made him so incredibly pissed he nearly broke composure. Will return to add more after completing the rest of the story.

[@tinman-ke2pn]

I've never been brought from ugly crying to maniacal laughing ,so fast, in my entire life. OMFG this writer will go far.

[@harrygrimley4352]

Loved it. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[@thomasrice2652]

I have to say I found myself laughing so many times in this fantasy story! I love your mind, Tom

[@josephPearson-k2e]

The part with the girl Lilly made me realize something about the human race. Attempted forced servitude by a more advanced race will most likely result in a violent and drawn out conflict that will ultimately put us back to the stone should we even succeed. Should that same race instead rid disease and famine, especially for children, humanity would fight and die for them with a smile on our faces.

[@chasegerlach]

This was fucking great! I hope you keep writing! Could totally see this as a movie or mini series.

[@lazyness3088]

Man I wanted more is there a sequel to this?

[@thetky_clan666]

A Very Wonderful Story, For Both Parties (Creatures) And While Having Both Ups & Downs, It Makes It's Point Known & Story All The More Interesting. I'm Currently Reading About "I Reincarnated As A Dungeon" But Once I'm Doing Reading *All* Of That & One Other Story, I'd Like To See If There's A Continuation Of Any Kind Of This Story Next.

[@ThisGuyNam]

Loved this and the narration.

[@Mesciurius]

Thank you a lot for the naration !🤩

[@zutai1]

the struggles of getting a good nights sleep, in ones own bed... too many of us know these struggles all too well...

[@Mr.Gonb_]

i love the dog that barked in the backgorund

[@brianknapp6215]

I imagine we could stop any Val'lan invasion in it's tracks by throwing a pizza party with a few hundred Baristas on standby...

[@krimsonsun10]

Yeah I feel exactly like that on my first cup of morning coffee.

[@jamesbailey2237]

Hey, what happened to the "First Contact" series? I was enjoying that and only on Vol 5.

[@lonestars1158]

Remeber, agent brown was the first human to introduce music to the first alien... and the legend played led zeplin

[@Ken-hn6yl]

Rofl, i love the old scholar's grumpy rant about how much he hates the bubbly diplomat that woke him up early 😂

[@crimsonguy8696]

The Val'an are all equal among each other, except for near god-like, legendary leaders that nearly rendered our scholar unable to perform his task but their mere telecommuted presence. When you have leadership, a caste system, and a diversity of capability, you don't have equality. When you hold another member of your society in such high regard- whether a celebrity or leader- you do not treat people equally. You might only- at that point- have equality before the law; but as we know, those who break the law are not Val'an, but the Casteless. I was able to ignore the ideology in favor of the drama up to the end, but my goodness was it laid thick at the end. It is still pretty good fiction though, and it should be expected- coming from Reddit- that such would be the case. Well, most people can't write without their values bleeding through, really.

[@davoid1792]

I think there is a definite difference between personal reverence of an important individual, and cultural dynamics, of course we were not shown enough to truly understand how their society works, simply having beings whom you admire to the point of Deities does not indicate species wide inequality, that's quite the fallacy right there.

[@crimsonguy8696]

@@davoid1792 You're right, but do please read my comment again, pointing out the obviously mentioned caste system, and how they even have a category of "untouchables" which aren't even considered Val'an anymore. They don't have criminals after all, just... mongrels. The sociopolitical subtext is almost written out, and it's painfully contradictory.

[@L96A1killerif]

$5 the writer is Indian

[@crimsonguy8696]

@@L96A1killerif Haha, I mean, maybe, but my money would be on some late teen early twenty westerner with socialist- or at least left leaning- type political views; that's the feeling I got, at least. Still makes for a decent story, all the same.

[@monkeyboimehoimenoi8395]

Yeah I'm not politically savy in any way but to me it just seemed like the val'an we're completely hypocritical like they think they're so much better than humanity because they dont war against each other anymore and that they consider each other equals. but the fact they even have a cast system at all proves there society favors some more than others.

[@qunningStunts]

This was such a great story.

[@John-ci8yk]

My second time around thank you and thumbs up.

[@medical-cyanide1526]

I absolutely adore this story and while I’m glad this book/section got completed it follow up never did. Left off on a fascinating cliff hanger where if memory serves a bunch of prisoners used essentially a form of rapid genetic altering to make their bodies more adapted to deathworlds after escaping a prison then were planning on either crashing their prison or landing on a deathworlder to sorta “hide” from the authorities. I’m not doing the best job of explaining it but there was additional little tidbits that made this story look like it was going in an interesting direction. But alas. Oh well. Fun story overall and I have only the best wishes for the author. They did post an interesting internal monologue where the POV of this story talked with them about the authors issues. Was a cool way for the author to give folks an update and let em know what is going on.

[@TCFamas]

Damn iam a lot on reddit but never seen those ...these stories are just amazing! and they are narrated so well , i listened to worse on audible! kudos to everyone!

[@gideonroos1188]

Oh god... Did the secret agent seriously just try to traumatise an alien with rock for their first exposure to human music? I shudder just to think about it. Why, why couldn't he just play a good piece of classical music? Something by Beethoven, or even better, Mozart?

[@masterpython]

I imagined The Immigrant Song.

[@Starlitsoul0359]

*Doom music intensifies.*

[@PoIy178]

That was his reaction to Led Zeppelin too, by far one of the tamer in terms of volume in the genre

[@charlethemagne5466]

@@PoIy178 imagine if he played something by Skrillex, i think Sko'Lan would have had a stroke lmfao

[@AlienAnthony]

I think that after reading this. having background sound affects like the music listed even if copywrite free versions play or sound effects would make your readings quite the more interesting.

[@KaasSchaaf666]

When I eat pizza, I react the same way 😄 what a beautiful and fun story... I enjoyed it.

[@mikeobrien7775]

I'm 1:21:00 into the story so far and the idea of anyone representing humanity like the general has so far is disheartening. Whenever we do make contact, if we haven't already, I hope the human representation isn't such a prick.

[@Furiousjp01]

46:07 doggo!!! 🤩

[@EtutEagl]

This tackles the fear of AI really well, if we ever create artificial life, why should we give it a reason to crush us, why not treat it like a sentient lifeform, regardless of who created it. If it is at all a possibility in the future, I hope we do not treat it like property and make laws that make us the enemies of a beneficial codependence with software.

[@Rodrik18]

While I agree wholeheartedly that, in principle, artificially created sapience deserves the same consideration as any other individual... the danger is in not knowing if the creation is flawed. An AI that chooses to do terrible things is one thing, but one that MUST do terrible things due to a failure on the part of the Creator is another. A creation that seems sapient may have such a flaw that drives them to Destructive actions and so it is simply prudent to monitor such a thing for a long time before giving it the rights it is due for the safety of all. An individual man can choose to harm many others with physical means, or perhaps through electronic means if they are particularly skilled with computers... but an AI would have a different kind of computational power and an easy time manipulating electronic systems by its nature. A simple tweak to important systems could cause a cascade of failures leading to a lot of lost lives. Think of them as sentient bombs: they are totally fine if they are just existing, but if it goes wrong it goes way more wrong than some disturbed man becoming a mass shooter. Personally, I accept that strangers on the street COULD decide to kill me, every person is technically capable of it... so AI is no more PERSONALLY dangerous to me than any other person.. but governments and authorities have to make calls for the greater population so I understand the caution.

[@lukereich3536]

Can we agree that the first music we show the aliens is something calm like smooth jazz.

[@frostbite8077]

This is how the imperium of man was born

[@jaredbrown3726]

The cafeteria part made me kinda think of thor "this is good, more!" *Smashes cup*

[@Big_boy01470]

Can you do humans don’t have a hive mind Next

[@moonrabbid]

This was so good.

[@HunterSentinel]

2:15:24 he actually thinks Led Zeppelin sounded angry?!...... he’s gonna literally have a seizure when if he hears any kind of metal.

[@THE_REAVER]

I cackled Like a mad man at the ending to chapter 12. I just love the Uh oh

[@tankish1529]

I have the same reaction to my first cup of coffee each morning 😉

[@pdfoltin5076]

this is awesomely amazing and i neeeeeeeeeeeed more

[@fffaaa8371]

cool find. good stories

[@SDM121888]

Can’t like this enough

[@hy78an]

Brilliant story.

[@FylinB563]

1hour 20minutes in and this feels like more of an political/economic statement than an actual story

[@mcarrowtime7095]

it is. i like HFY/space orcs because it usually isn't, but this one is certainly mostly a political statement.

[@austinfowler2707]

All art is political.

[@Rodrik18]

​@mcarrowtime7095 if you don't think every story has things it holds up and other things it discards then you aren't actually reading or listening. Of course there are differences in scale of those messages or how skillfully they are presented, but all Storytelling is ideological -- the point of a story is to convey meaning, it's why the stories that have empty spectacle (such as many modern movies) are just trash.

[@bruhmoment2312]

The part about why humans are the way there are, cuz we were pray once, actually makes a lot of sense.

[@vikingreflections2824]

They really should have given our lizard friend Orange Juice😹

[@benjaminkelly2733]

Book mark 04:08:26

[@allancornell2191]

45:05 doggo bark

[@patrickmcabee123]

Neat story.., thank you for the episode.

[@muninrob]

sorry I'm 4 hrs late, I was in the middle of my sleep cycle