Why 'Good Muslims' Sometimes Make Terrible Spouses

[@alromaani]

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[@fahimarasheed4699]

Many divorced muslim women cannot find quality muslim men and now have to develop masculine energy to survive financially. These women practice Islam to their best ability, manage the house, manage their kids and have a job. Seeing that both men and women both have oestrogen and testosterone ,can women have some masculine energy whilst keeping their femininity?

[@j0kez708]

People make a huge mistake and consider someone who prays= on the deen. When they are horribly mistaken. Its just a small piece in a larger picture. What is the mindset? What are the aspirations? Whats the thinking process and how do deal with problems. People be like "oh, he/prays on time?. Thats a literal shaykh or shaykha right there".

[@Cherries6984]

@@j0kez708 that's because this one thing, praying on time, has become hard for most people to do in the 21st century so when we see someone who actually does it, it's amazing. Basically the bar for religiosity is very low

[@j0kez708]

@Cherries2249 isn't that our mistake? You can't judge based purely on prayer. This is a timeless criteria. You have to judge the person based on their mindset and aspirations. That's how anyone at all is judged. Apart of that, the things you mentioned are very instinctive to every man. If he is not evil, that is. No man leaves the women of their household alone and hug-less. Unless there is a clear tension prior. And part where you want to be left alone is out of question. You'll ask him to leave you alone but inside you'll be wanting him to pursue you and comfort you. Women are often paradoxical.

[@corvoadam5598]

Me single for 30 years watching this and taking notes knowing very well i ain't getting married lol, may Allah bless everyone that needs to marry with a good spouse

[@Saif-uc6vw]

Nah bro hopefully you get blessed 😂❤

[@Shrec_5_fitSP]

Avoid saying dam

[@IYeleven]

@@Saif-uc6vw What if it’s a girl ? Will you then wish them a good spouse ?

[@Sola678]

@@IYelevenwhy not

[@Yoffezz]

Have hope in Allah❤ he does the impossible

[@AllahIsTheOneAndOnlyUnity]

I remember one brother saying that if you call yourself a “good Muslim” you are not a “good Muslim”.

[@Cherries6984]

Deen doesn't equal good character. As a girl, I can find a man who provides and prays etc, but that doesn't mean his character is going to be good in the little things, like, if I'm crying, will he hug me and tell me it's going to be ok, or will he be dismissive and get annoyed? Will he genuinely want to listen to my problems? If I have period cramps and ask him respectfully to leave me alone to have a bubble bath, will he say no and refuse to give me the time alone I need? All those things aren't an issue of deen, these are things relating to ones character, and personality

[@MarioPartyGamer]

if someone is truly following the sunnah of the prophet, then he would make a good spouse, he would have all the qualities that are required to strive in a relationship, so saying deen doesn't equal good character is true, if your defining deen as only following your obligations.

[@Abdur-Rahman862]

Dont think your husband is going to want to be around you when you're having the monthlies. As for the others, you need to understand that men function on logic and have done so their whole lives. So if you start crying, then you need to know that he's going to wonder why you're crying. His approach is to solve the problem. When men have problems, we're looking for solutions. So be considerate regarding these men. They weren't taught to just hug and convince themselves that everything is okay when there's no solution in sight.

[@Cherries6984]

@Abdur-Rahman862 well they were only examples, completely hypothetical ones that I came up with on the spot to make my point. Well, Shirley men have mothers and sisters, so they have seen their own women crying when they're hurt, either physically or maybe they lost a friend etc, at some point no? Well anyway, being confused as a newly wed is fine. It's the flat out uncaring attitude that I highlighted above in my post that's the problem

[@Abdur-Rahman862]

@Cherries2249 what you see as uncaring is men viewing things from a logical perspective. Women in criticising men for this trait unknowingly show their lack of care or consideration for the male side of things ironically. There's a disconnect between the sexes. Quite hilarious when women want to act like they're the more understanding and virtuous one. Please.

[@MarioPartyGamer]

@@Abdur-Rahman862 well said bro. may Allah make it easy for all of us though and guide us all.

[@priusa8113]

Keep in mind that many Muslims are also neurodivergent ( have adhd, autism and other disabilities) which influence sooooo many things in a person s life. I wished Muslims could be more educated about it and inclusive in sha Allah. One suggestion: get a FULL mental health evaluation, STDs and proper marriage counseling WAY BEFORE u tie the knot… ❤

[@ferozashraf8592]

Indeed, and whatever it is, self awareness is key.

[@nasreddinehodja5930]

How about you trust Allah instead of mimicking kuffars? "Let's be inclusive", "Get a full mental health evaluation before mariage". What a bunch of sissies this community has become... Well maybe you're a bot after all

[@abaIdrisiyas]

😅 Get a full mental health evaluation you know. How do you do that?

[@siniecat]

I strongly agree...i believe my marriage ended because of this issue....one starts seeing their spouse as a narcissist...when the issue is ASD😢.....a full mental health and physical health evaluation is needed....during pre-marital counselling....!

[@sonny7159]

No thanks... Modern western psychology is alot of nonsense.

[@Abdullah_muslim1]

I disagree. Part of deen and being righteous is to have good character. It's just a commonly forgotten concept and i don't believe to now say righteous ≠ good wife is a good thing because if she was righteous then she'd treat you well and not be some sort of disrespectful arguement machine

[@lailaelo9755]

blame the women ?,,,,

[@FidanHasanzadeStudent]

@@lailaelo9755 the point isnt about gender

[@whoswho2215]

@@lailaelo9755 No one was blamed, as he is a man he was referring to the gender he is to marry, I assume you as a woman, see the many faults of men better than men themselves, may Allah guide us all.

[@akrm2944]

This is a very important topic. Thank you for covering it.

[@8KilgoreTrout4]

Honestly, that story of the girl getting divorced the day after losing her virginity after washing her makeup, he thought she was too ugly. This took some time to settle in my mind, but I’m absolutely heartbroken for that sister What it must do to a woman’s self-esteem I hope it gets repaired quickly and a much better man comes in her life

[@8KilgoreTrout4]

@@alanab5735 I hope he marries someone so beautiful and so difficult

[@randomness8819]

dont be she broke the sunnah n was catfishing. sunnah says DONT misrepresent yourself

[@8KilgoreTrout4]

@@Someone-vz2bo This guy can’t simply ask for some photos without makeup?? Especially if he knows he’s willing to divorce over it?? This is horse-crap!

[@8KilgoreTrout4]

@@randomness8819 Maybe she was trying her best and taking care of herself the best she knew how. Maaaaybe this bro is a superficial narcissistic superficial person. Who knows. But this is definitely BRUTAL.

[@alanab5735]

@Someone-vz2bo Using a woman's body is worse than a woman wearing makeup, especially being that you guys keep emphasizing virginity as this big deal. Sge gave her body to a man who was so superficial all ge cared about was looks. What happened to marrying for deen? There is no comparison with what she did ( wearing makeup? with what he did ( using her body and taking her virginity, then discarding her immediately after)

[@user-io4jg8x]

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[@alm_alb]

I just subscribed. I’m sorry.

[@ISTP8w9]

If you don't want to divorce, learn about Enneagram and MBTI. A relationship is about compatibility.

[@akazicool87]

Also cognitive functions.

[@tataa51]

that's quite a bold argument. You can't truly know a person until you live with them, share difficult times together, travel together etc. I.e. before marriage. Yes these tests might help but ultimately time will tell if you are compatible or not.

[@Stranger2.03]

Even MBTI is not always right! I was an ENFP and he was an INTJ. We both were religious and had some same interests but he had some mental health issues (like narcissism, mommie issues) .and I was too bubbly and he was too introverted and after praying istikhara Allah showed me the red flags .

[@ISTP8w9]

@Stranger2.03 Instinctual variant compatibility based on enneagram is the most important part of compatibility. Most people know nothing about Enneagram, let alone what is the best compatibility. There's a reason people like Mufti Menk and Nouman Ali Khan have gotten divorced. Knowing your own instinctual variation and getting a partner with the same instincts is the most important part of compatibility. I know a lot about this stuff and feel like in the future with Ai, a more accurate system could drastically reduce divorce rates.

[@oumibnaan26sh87]

​i have seen many marriages not work with that exact combination. My spouse is enfj and im infj-a i think enfp really need an fj combination either is in es or en @@Stranger2.03

[@ayub1993]

Jazakallah khair Akhi. Well said! From your Brother here in Washington D.C.

[@khaledabdelaziz7828]

This is a lot more common than people realize unfortunately

[@8KilgoreTrout4]

So much facts and good advice. jazaak Allah khayran

[@FidanHasanzadeStudent]

Please learn aqeedah and do make sure you marry someone who is upon the right aqeedah,. Some deviant views you won't notice until you actually study. It is not just sunni vs shia, there are many deviant groups out there. Choose the mother/father of your kid wisely.

[@ahmadjuwayni6256]

Any many issues within sunni aqeedah are semantic issues that the Prophet never discussed nor the companions and there is a valid spectrum of differences on those issues.. and most mainstream sunnis are on khair...

[@ryanmwanza5439]

Absolutely 💯. This has to be asked

[@MomoTheDisciple]

Dumb response - missed the point of the video

[@z.4200]

Gabriel going hard on the vids. 😤😤🤫

[@Cursed_Toast69]

السلام عليكم I am a Sudanese Muslim and I will be going to Romania to study in university in sha allah and I wanted to to ask about the type of difficulties I will be facing as a Muslim student there جزاك الله خيراً

[@shayanahmed-k3l]

woah bro whats that creepy prof pic 😶

[@Cursed_Toast69]

@shayanahmed-k3l lol sorry I forgot I had it, it's an ugly cat that I like somehow. The question was serious tho

[@alm_alb]

May Allah make it easy on you

[@zaidm1134]

There's no difficulty. In every Uni men and women try to get into relationships, so avoid interacting with women at all That's it really. You won't randomly fall into a haram relationship unless you promote it/try to get in one by doing your part No women is going to randomly get you into a relationship, it's usually the men who show interest which causes the relationship So stay away from women (but it's easy and no one randomly comes up to you) Make sure to always pray Make sure to work hard in your actual studies and do extra research In your spare time (e.g. use chat gpt)

[@Halo.H]

Who told you to go there? Sudan has excellent universities. What is wrong with you?

[@randomness8819]

jazzakumAllahu khayrun may Allah reward u and us ameen this is so important

[@anasibndawood6696]

Mashallah excellent topic and points

[@ibtesaampietersen4084]

I need advise on being married to a covert narcissist ...what to do? Kanala

[@itsaname2985]

Run. Dont think twice. Get out and stay out!!!

[@Coconut_b712]

Pls run sister!!!

[@TonyMontana29994]

im a muslim and im a sociopath.

[@mhz2836]

Wa alaikum assalaam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu

[@truthseeker803]

actually most hyper religious people don't make good partner from both sides.

[@aliioii2712]

If that's true, then have they understood the religion correctly?

[@sarahmicro]

i agree : most of the time, they apply religion like robots without empathy or psychology in their relationships; i find them cold and most of them do not smile. They look distant. No warmth in their face. I was in Mecca last week for Umra and a lot of "sisters" were very cold in their eyes, attitude with hostile micro expressions and body language. I do not see deen in that. For me islam is welcoming and loving others at least trying but a lot of people are arrogant and feel entitled.

[@MomoTheDisciple]

@@aliioii2712no. But most mainstream Muslims don’t use their brain and don’t even understand true Islam. They blindly follow traditions and culture not the true deen that Allah taught and every prophet followed and preached

[@youshaysiddiqui2572]

why have you posted this video so late😢

[@TellTheShadows]

I got to no actual sincere response so i post it again An odd question,does success and job really matter alot before getting married?apperently it is the only thing that matters because i m told i must be "successful" if i m not i cant talk about marraige at all ,but the problem is that i m too confused what i can do, i worry alot about my future even though i still have exams before entering college left,wallahi i dont think i can succeed in education, *i have severe anxiety that makes me always fail math no matter what* ,if i fail maths then no college and no future, i have no skills and i tried making new ones but I cant, I dont know what i can do, I m worried i will fall into haram,Wallahi it is not easy for me. I m not asexual like alot of you,i cant fast as it ruins my health,i have found a way to control my self but it only works 80-90% of times. if i dont get a job i will for sure will be hurt and fall into haram (sory for yapping)

[@TellTheShadows]

calling out to Allah doesnt works either,having tawakul doesnt either, i will fail no matter what. my stress issues are too severe.

[@ikrammaududi6205]

​@@TellTheShadows, fasting won't ruin your health. You're worrying too much. You're worrying about a future that may not exist

[@TellTheShadows]

@@ikrammaududi6205 fasting literally does,last ramadan i was facing heavy acidity and making me feel like vomit THE ENTIRE RAMADAN

[@TellTheShadows]

@@ikrammaududi6205 And that future can exist,if i fail maths then i wont get any jobs,no obs no marriage,i never passed maths since 6th grade,it is because of my severe stress

[@TellTheShadows]

@@ikrammaududi6205 i also did vomited twice that month, and was miserable the entire month at iftar,had to consume a medince but didnt remove the pain.

[@Barisdagame]

I'm a terrible Muslim 😂😂😂 but I'm definitely a great partner also fairly childish 😅

[@endoferagoat2393]

I recently got married and my wife has low libido than me. I am not satisfied at all wallahi. I need second wife who can make me happy and play with me. She’s not even entertaining like normal conversation. Feels like I am with a mannequin

[@IYeleven]

Have sabr and talk to her about these things.

[@YungShoe]

You have to communicate with her on her level

[@hafizasanaabbas3068]

Brother, ALLAH bless you. You are newly married as you said here. My advice to you as your muslima sister, please give your relationship a good time. Sit with her. Talk to her. Give her love and respect. She will give you same inn return maybe 10 times more than you in shaa ALLAH. Its too early to judge and thinking like you thought.

[@fadznuzu3341]

Getting a second wife is not the solution. You said that you're recently married. If you truly followed the taaruf process, there's a lot of things about her that you need to learn and know. Also, the way you worded things sounds like you're only marrying to satisfy your nafs. Pls cut the pornography consumption and ask for professional help ie. marriage counsellor for more guidance.

[@hafizasanaabbas3068]

@fadznuzu3341 sister what is taaruf? Please explain.

[@abdullahbinateeq1828]

Wrong

[@HMD1986-]

The reason of divorce is getting married in the first place 😂

[@FidanHasanzadeStudent]

dont joke about marriage, the sunnah of our beloved prophet (peace be upon him)

[@tahminarahman2110]

I am sorry but your statement is wrong in itself because being religious means good outward as well as inwards.

[@healthguy79]

*with make-up:* - beautiful from far *without make-up* - far from beautiful