gifts no one wants (holiday gifts you should NEVER BUY & are not worth your money)

[@bridgetg9489]

gag gifts give me HEARTBURN. I CANNOT stand things being manufactured for NOTHING!!!!!!

[@MichaelSmith-fj7di]

The best gifts to give in my opinion are money, experiences, or something that they explicitly asked for. This year, I just sent someone a card with money, and I am going to take my dad to see the local hockey team play. I’m also going to take my grandmother out for lunch to a restaurant of her choosing. Giving these means that you know it won’t go to waste.

[@Narja23]

Totally agree! Since we put these guidelines in my family, it has saved us from so many upsetting situations 😂 (i see you, the uncle who lives for dad jokes and gag gifts)

[@Sahara333]

I totally agree! I know some people don’t like to give money or gift cards and want to give a “real” gift. But I like getting both because sometimes I don’t know specifically what I want.

[@dinapawlow1622]

Last Xmas I gave cash and said,” buy what you want, need, and will use.” One person said I will use this for alterations to a jacket and will think of you whenever I wear it. My daughter said “I will use to offset the price of a painting. I have been wanting and can now afford. “ Cash, always the right colour and size. Obviously, Cash is not impersonal .

[@LRL_1917]

How do I send this to my in laws without being un-invited to Christmas dinner 😂 couldnt agree more with everything you said!

[@leggi_bois4eva]

If they uninvite you bc of this then they have bigger issues to resolve

[@blueromy5567]

Maybe it's a good idea to make a Christmas wishlist? Present wishlist, that way they'll know what to buy/ make

[@amandabritannica]

@@blueromy5567I also make a “no please” list! We don’t need ANOTHER tea towel or kitchen gadget 😅

[@amandabritannica]

Same, I wanna send this to my family so badly 😅

[@Gardenpixee]

My inlaws have gotten a lot better and have picked up on how we feel about consumerism. Everyone asks everyone what we need and get that. If your completely obvious about your values, and they aren't dicks, they'll pick up on it :)

[@TalieValentine]

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve told people I’m allergic to fragrances and get migraines only to receive lotion, sprays, or candles for Christmas.

[@girlscandrum22]

Saaaaame! Fragrance items are the worst gifts.

[@thebestwillow]

Presumably you're female. Didn't anyone tell you? Having a vulva means our health and comfort shouldn't matter to us and we should solely be concerned with pleasing other people.....

[@agodlyhome]

This is the story of my life 😂

[@cassiemta]

So thankful that my mom always taught us that not putting real thought into what a person wants or needs when buying a gift is just selfish.

[@andreakissinger2165]

Years ago, my parents and I agreed not to buy each other anything for the holidays. BEST DECISION EVER!!! No more wasting money, wasting resources, stressing about what to buy, etc.

[@ChristinaOurWoodHome]

That is awesome! My brothers and I decided several years ago to not buy each other presents, instead spending any money we had for our parents. My husband and his sister recently decided the same thing, which is nice.

[@olasarts]

I think we'll have that conversation this coming March

[@T.A.Stanley]

Ok, I have the one exception for a gag gift. My brother moved away and left his nice rain jacket and whenever I'd ask him if he wanted it, he never responded. So I wrapped it and sent it for Xmas. I'm looking forward to his reaction 😂

[@fireflyeffect_]

I think the best part is you didn't actually BUY the gag gift. You used something already present and gave it a comedic twist. I think it should be normalized to give people stuff they left at your place as a "gag gift" 😌

[@CarrieLovesLife.]

Many years ago my brother gave my (now ex-husband) a blow up Santa punching bag. We passed that gift back and forth for many years. I don’t know what happened to it. I think at some point the grandkids were allowed to play with it, and it met its demise. 🙂

[@sustainfem]

@@CarrieLovesLife. "Met its demise" 🤣😉 Aw!

[@jenniekolakoski]

I have found that a generic gift people default to giving women that they don’t know well is scented bath products (bubble bath, lotion, perfume/body spray, candles) which has always been hard for me to navigate as a person for whom strong smells are migraine triggers. A gift like that immediately becomes something I need to rehome or is literally trash. I would LOVE if we moved away from giving that type of gift.

[@karliszabados9643]

Agree. Unless you are close to the person and know exactly what they like, it's not a good idea. The only person I trust to buy me scented products is my husband, and even he's a toss up

[@sugoi12344321]

I am also considered "ungrateful." I appreciate the thought, but like, now i have to hold this for a year until i feel safe enough from "where is that gift i got you 6 months ago." Or think about where to rehome it so it will get used. How much space it takes up and the upkeep vs. actual use. I really do appreciate them and their intentions ive just put a lot of work into minimalism and eco friendly living so i cant unsee the trip these objects have made just to not get used. I have pushed for gift cards and experiences. Some of my family started making a wish list, which really helps!

[@celinepope]

Haha I crafted a lie about a Patagonia coat I was given - I exchanged it for a wetsuit and shorts for paddle boarding. Luckily the gifter hasn't asked about it. But if they do, it was stolen at the ski resort I work at lol

[@abbeyroche2983]

I have a 14 month old toddler and the amount of toys that get sent to our house is insane. I understand everyone wants to send the “fun” thing but we are over here NEEDING long sleeve shirts for the winter! Not another piece of light up plastic

[@raes3369]

I have a constant list shared with the grands and aunts. I let them know he doesn't NEED anything but if you would like to give a gift, this is what he can use..it has helped. Also my MIL used to come over always with a toy or little something but she lives so close she comes all the time and it was tooooooo much. I said I love that she wants to bring him something but our house is too small for that something to be another toy so if she felt she needed to bring something, please bring fruit/milk/snacks etc that he will eat and love and take up no space when they are gone. Hope this can help you!

[@abbeyroche2983]

@@raes3369this is a great idea, I am going to create a list and share it with everyone! This way they can still feel like they have the freedom to pick it out and bring it or send it but at least they know it’s something we really want/need! Thanks so much ❤

[@almasoboleosky7928]

finally! someone who understands how I feel about unnecessary gifts! As a minimalist and environmentalist, I get frustrated when receiving essentially useless gifts. Not only because of the reasons mentioned in the video but because of the thought of someone I love spending money, time, and effort to make me happy, and then I end up getting 0 satisfaction from it. At the end everyone loses, including our planet. Everyone except huge companies of course

[@weislang]

For several years, a friend and I have given each other "get togethers." We each take every other month and plan a get together--sometimes as simple as a cup of tea on a work afternoon, sometimes something more exciting (going to the ballet; going to a museum). It's a great way to make sure that we share the most important gift, which is our friendship. And for birthdays, we just find fun experiences to exchange--we're going to a concert and a craft class. So much better than giving things!

[@marie-christinelandry6983]

You know what I asked for this Christmas ? Money to pay for my and my fiancé's plane tickets home (€900 x2). THAT IS A GOOD GIFT LOL

[@joanmcmanus5320]

Gift-giving among adults is often pointless. Most of us don't need anything because we buy ourselves exactly what we want when we want it. I hate waste so let's not exchange gifts.

[@LL-pq5uo]

I feel the same way regarding gifts for adults who are employed.

[@racheljames9187]

I deliberately don't buy myself everything I want, then if people need gift ideas I can tell them about those. That way, I not only have the thing I wanted, I remember the gifter every time I use it :)

[@Jojo-kl6tx]

I realize more and more how "avantgarde" my family was in regard to gift giving. As kids we'd only receive gifts from our grandparents and our godparents in the larger family construct. The adults didn't gift each other anything. They just came together for a fun christmas celebration and enjoyed that. I've definitely fallen for the "feeling obligated to buy stuff" trap as an adult now and I hate it!! Thanks for making us more aware of what we buy one video at a time. A reminder like this is well needed in the time before christmas❤

[@celinepope]

WHITE ELEPHANT GIFTS ARE THE BANE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. LIKE WHAT?! My friends and I wrap our gifts in bandanas and give the wrapping back to the gifter. It's beautiful and reusable.

[@coffeemugmeg]

My friends and I are doing a white elephant gift exchange for fun, but we're bringing things we already have that would likely be donated anyway. Nothing wrong with them, just done serving their purpose in our homes. I'm thinking of bringing whipped honey in a jar I'm getting rid of or maybe I book I'm done reading. I totally get what you're saying though! I think it can be done well if people are on the same page.

[@MandalaBunnyhome]

I've been to a few white elephant parties where you can only bring something you already own, those are awesome, I got a kick ass vintage waste basket one year 🤩

[@mandyhackman9740]

I actually love them. My work white elephant is “chaotic/ inexpensive” themed and there is lots of encouragement to bring things you already own or re-gift. One year the most hotly contested item was a deeply disgustingly used pair of crocs. Fighting over them was SO fun and silly but then also I happen to know the eventual recipient still uses them for outdoor adventures 😅. But there are definitely better and worse ways to set it up. I love that my extended family has shifted to white elephant only vs buying a gift for each individual. We placate the ones who need the gift exchange but with an extended family group of 20ish people we get to cut way WAY down on random gifts and the ensuing waste. Ofc mine will be food or thrifted items, but it also protects me a bit from being “that weird cousin” bc white elephant gifts are held more lightly 🤗

[@Beepbopboop19]

Hot sauce! I feel like people always want it. Or ya know, other edible things.

[@dduenasc]

You can do white elephant with things like toilet paper, it doesn’t have to be gag gifts

[@Beepbopboop19]

I texted ALL the family when my child was a toddler and said due to prices and just ease/wanting to enjoy quality time with everyone and not focus on the gift part; we are no longer doing adult presents and just want to focus on the kids. Specifically kid gifts we'd appreicate clothes, zoo passes, books, and we let family get them their 2-3 wishlist items/toys. My sister in law immediately texted back in the group chat that this is an amazing idea (she had a newborn) and she's so glad i brought it up. All the adults are so much more at ease now, we all bring food to share, and watch the kids open their couple things. I highly recommend it!

[@karliclark446]

Fellow daughter of a Kohl's mom here, and I couldn't agree more. Up until a few yrs ago most of the christmas gift experience for my sister and I was our mom buying a ton of clothes on sale at Kohl's, giving them (and the kohl's cash, of course) to us on Christmas and saying "I have all the receipts you can take it all back" and then we would sort through everything, and then all spend an afternoon together getting lunch and going back to Kohl's to return/exchange the majority of what mom gave us. At the time I had absolutely no idea how damaging that was. She's still very much a "you can take it all back" gift giver while also refusing to stop exchanging gifts. If I don't give her a list, I will get harassed until I do and if I still don't, I will get random stuff I likely don't want. I started asking her for Disney gift cards last year because that will actually help me save up for the trip we're going to take with my 3 yr old niece next year. But now that I've asked for two of them, Mom is over it and back to wanting a full list. I fear there's no winning with a highly sensitive person who desperately needs therapy and doesn't know it 🥲 Your comment about seasonal clothing did make me laugh. I am guilty of doing Christmas pajamas (but never as holiday gifts. If I buy them, I buy them early and they've always been a red plaid and I am not someone who is gonna limit plaid to one season lol) and a few years back I did get my boyfriend a grinch sweatshirt. Well apparently he's a sustainable king because now every single year he breaks out the Christmas pajamas and the grinch sweatshirt in October and will unironically wear them nearly everyday until it gets too warm for him around March/April 😂

[@racer4369]

My work had a holiday gift exchange and I was able to sell both unopened gifts that I got and didnt want on fb marketplace over that very same weekend. I think selling things 2nd hand for unopened and sealed gifts should be the norm. The people that got those things actually wanted it and I discounted it a bit from retail value.

[@upgrade101]

In my culture giving money is seen as a socially acceptable norm. I was told by my kid's dad that gifting money was 'rude'. So I have the kids make wishlists every year. This year, my family are doing Secret Santa (again), the kids are now 21, 18 and 11. They love it, we stick to a budget and everyone gets what they want. This year my 18yo daughter asked for a meat thermometer and my sister asked for a food processor because they love cooking 😂

[@nanny8675309]

What adult doesn’t buy themselves exactly what they want almost immediately? Maybe giving gifts to children during the holidays I can understand, but the adult giftgiving should completely stop! Thank you for this very much-needed video!

[@pisceanbeauty2503]

I’m going to diverge. I like an unexpected gift, but only if some thought was put into it. I’m not a fan of buying someone something generic or whatever is trending for the heck of it, but if someone knows you well and buys something on trend with your tastes I appreciate it. I get that it may not fall in line with sustainable practices, but I like surprises. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@TurtleStormer]

I’m also really into surprises! It’s my Achilles heel when it comes to sustainable purchasing

[@coffeemugmeg]

This is why it's so important to really know your people! My mom got me a waffle maker a couple years ago, and I *LOVED* it! I use it all the time. However, if someone doesn't say they want something like this or doesn't even like waffles, this would have been a bad gift. On the other hand, my dad wants the same socks and tshirts every. single. year. There's no point looking too far outside that, because he has most things he needs. He does, however, wear out socks and shirts. I think this is all about being cognizant of our people and respecting their likes. As a gift giver, it's much more satisfying to give someone something they'd like anyway.

[@nailguncrouch1017]

Clothing for Christmas, as long as it is socks yes.

[@MandalaBunnyhome]

I can't believe how many people gift wine just assuming everyone drinks 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@marynelson2875]

YES. If you don’t know someone well enough to buy them a thoughtful gift, you just shouldn’t be buying them a gift 😭 I only recently convinced my mom to stop buying me Christmas pyjamas every year. I would way rather have one really nice gift that I wanted than many small things I don’t really want.

[@racheljames9187]

This is what I do now... the nieces and nephews I don't know well get a small edible thing and money. They have enough toys and I'm never sure what they're currently into.

[@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3]

I wish you could send me over all your unwanted patchouli candles, scented candles are like the main thing keeping my seasonal depression at bay, I WISH I got more of them as gifts!

[@cassiemta]

I wonder if there is a place for this sort of gift exchange. When people can trade unwanted gifts with someone who would actually love it. Maybe in the buy nothing groups?

[@Shelbizleee]

I wanted to organize an unwanted gifts after Christmas White Elephant style event! You could totally do that if you have somewhere to host! Coffee shop, bar, park even??

[@hannahlewis884]

@@Shelbizleeeincredible idea

[@cassiemta]

@Shelbizleee That's a great idea! Admittedly, my family does a pretty good job with gifts, but it would be great to at least organize something like that and create the option

[@paulahyatt5732]

@@cassiemtaBuy Nothing is an absolute blast during the holidays. Especially if you have teachers in your group; they have an extra hard job of having to find homes for a myriad of unwanted stuff 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Kittyheavenwith21cats]

Yes it's annoying people helping me clutter my house. I appreciate the thought but ya that's why we ask what we want

[@amandabritannica]

I’m not even 45 seconds into this vid and I feel so.deeply.seen. I have to talk about holiday gift-giving with my therapist every year, because I was raised with the expectation of “acting appropriately” (with an abundance of enthusiasm and gratitude) for every gift I received as a child. Apparently when I was a TODDLER I had the audacity to say I didn’t like something after I opened it and hurt an adult person’s feelings (as my mother tells it) so every year after she reminded me and later my brothers how to react to every gift. It was so ingrained that my first Christmas with my (now) husband was nearly ruined when I dictated exactly what I expected to get as a gift because I was so worried about reacting “correctly” to whatever he planned to get me that I didn’t want to be surprised. By the time our second Christmas rolled around, we fortunately knew each other much better and skipped the gifts entirely, it makes the holidays so much more enjoyable with my partner! Now we focus on making Christmas dinner for the family. Still working with my therapist about what to do with gifts I receive that I don’t need or want (even when I give an explicit list). I struggle with my eco-anxiety and worry about what happens to stuff “next” after it’s donated (especially stuff that is cheap holiday filler, like those personalized ornaments that are ugly elf faces, we get them EVERY YEAR).

[@donnaadkins2429]

I have found if you 'have to' buy a gift for someone I don't really know, I make a charity donation on their behalf. I've found no-one can really object to that and it helps out a charity at the same time 😊

[@mally6101]

the curtain bangs are gorgeous on you Shelby!!

[@nicolet7735]

Also the best gift is something someone asked for. So if I ask for a grocery store gift card then it's a great gift! My family always seems to think these gifts are "not fun" 😒

[@SH-gg3up]

Lol yes bc you are not giving them the "gift" of being able to shop for you. I always think hmm is this for the giver or reciever and when I know its for the giver I stop feeling guilty for telling them no thank you.

[@goldfishsnake]

I told my partner I wanted a handheld vacuum last year and he just went, I'm not allowed to buy you a vacuum... it's like a trope about men buying their female partners cleaning supplies being not allowed LOL. But I really wanted a hand vac!!

[@sarahkinsey5434]

@@goldfishsnakeI know, people are like “uh oh he’s going to be in trouble” when he buys the wife an appliance. But sometimes that’s what we want! One year my mom had a griddle on her list, this year she has a four square Waffle Maker on her list

[@annabeinglazy5580]

This! Give me vouchers for the fancy deli in town, i will be eternally grateful and think of you while i drench my Pasta in the nice truffle oil

[@faitht8952]

My mom and I have a tradition where I get her a pine candle from a local candle business at the beginning of every holiday season because she misses the pine scent now that we don’t do real trees anymore. But that’s very very different from random ass candles

[@genericplantlife]

I love that I live in a culture where money is an acceptable gift to give because as an adult, that is a gift I would love to receive no matter what.

[@ines4242]

I think it is a good gift for a teenager receving from an adult (from parents, aunts & uncler or grandoarents) but giving adults money as a gift and they give you money back as a gift and it goes on and on. I think it‘s strange.

[@Aleatoire9]

Apparently I have a lot to say today - I really really appreciate how often you tie this back to garbage in a tangible way. People refer to it generally but you call it out in a really good way thank you! 💕

[@katwinabee]

the people outside of ur inner inner circle dont deserve the time and money u spend on a gift. better no gift than an obligatory one! if we didnt have these consumer holidays and birthdays maybe we could get more thoughtful gifts. i relate so much to the fact that bad gifts are such an emotional toll

[@nyagogo]

I know a lady that felt obligated to keep every gift her MIL gifted her. She kept it in the “what do I do with this” closet because a random gift would be asked about or asked to use upon a visit. When the MIL died the lady cleaned out the full closet. I just don’t see this as a good thing. Love (in the MIL’s eyes) was what you bought for people. It’s really difficult line to expect someone else to walk.

[@lisapoulsen5452]

Say it with me “GIFTS SHOULD NOT COME WITH STRINGS”. No emotional guilt, thank you very much🙄. I love the holidays, but not the hyper consumerism of it all. Also, cute vest🥰🥰🥰

[@abslol1]

I make my mom an extensive "don't buy" list every year

[@amandabritannica]

Same!! It doesn’t always work, but it helps 😅

[@olasarts]

Does she listen?

[@abslol1]

@@olasarts some things I'll open and she'll comment that they were on the don't buy list... But for the most part its been helpful at reducing waste

[@britneygriffin6704]

I really don't like those body care holiday sets with things like soap and lotions and bubble baths and stuff in them if you don't know them very well. If you don't know what smells they actually like, or if they have any skin issues or sensory issues, please don't. They are so common, and can be nice if you know it's something they actually like and can use. I'd rather you just buy me bodycare stuff you know I already use and will have to buy again in the future, rather than some random one at the end of a holiday shelf somewhere.

[@miameibers62]

This is a very small part of the video but we wear our christmas pajamas all year long with absolutely no shame 😄

[@katyhouglum2021]

Same!! 😂

[@ThatsSoRaechel]

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="558">9:18</a> I wear my holiday pajamas all year, but I buy it for myself.

[@AshleyBromiley]

I wear my christmas clothes all year round shamelessly

[@lauraholland8831]

Last year, I sent my dad a wishlist (at his request) so he would stick to things I actually would use. Come to find out, he went to Temu and bought copies of the things I had listed 😖 just so he could get more gifts. It was so incredibly painful.

[@Noscat007]

I agree with most of these! Although I wear my Christmas pajamas year-round lol. I also love trinkets but I usually prefer to pick them.

[@Becky-pu5js]

Same! Christmas socks rock in summer too ✨

[@cassie-g]

I started watching your channel a year ago and you have completely changed the way I think, act and live! I still have a long way to go on my sustainability journey but thank you for making this stuff easy to understand and without shame :)

[@Danicalip8]

Thank you!!! I’m so picky with everything and I hate when people gift me clothes I won’t wear, decor I won’t put up, or like lotions or body wash so I won’t use because I have super sensitive skin. Like no I won’t use holiday cranberry body wash when I use nothing with fragrance on any part of my body.

[@amandabritannica]

I could have written this comment 😅

[@juliep.9797]

*sees ninja creami* 🤯. As a multi severe allergy household, it is on the wishlist on "makes life easier items" 😅

[@carsachi]

As someone who could replace every meal with a sorbet, I want it so bad LOOOOL

[@SarahBenirschke94]

I agree with you! My family usually doesn't do much for gifts, but if i do give something i just send them a picture and ask if they would use it, i'd rather ruin a "surprise" and actually spend money on something they will use. They're still very thankful anyways.

[@celinepope]

For the past 3 years my partner and I agree on an experience we would rather put our money too. Then we show each other the item we would have gotten each other and.. that covers the thought part of it, lol. It's just as fun as receiving a gift.

[@ameeraraven2698]

I wish people would be more open about talking about budgets for gifts. I am really not going to be offended if someone wants to get me something and tells me exactly how much money they’re willing to spend.

[@racheljames9187]

yes! I know my sister's budget, and she is getting me exactly what I wanted in that price range (CD from an artist I love, I have a CD player in my car).

[@AthynVixen]

I have no need to buy gifts anymore but things I would never buy unless I was absolutely certain they wanted or would use/wear - clothes, jewellery, perfume and makeup/cosmetics. All highly individual and personal items you have to REALLY know the person well

[@tracygarcia4078]

I think it’s best to be gracious in the moment AND send yourself a reminder to have a discussion way in advance of next Christmas or your gift-giving holidays…maybe a Christmas in July discussion. Having this discussion is important but perhaps not smack dab in the middle of the season when loved ones have already spent their time and money on you. Bring ungrateful in the moment will not likely help get others to see your POV…instead it could make them defensive and dig their heels in even more. Kindness and gratitude go a long way…gratitude for the thought and person even if it’s a “thoughtless” gift in your mind. It wasn’t thoughtless to them. They thought of you. Starting the discussion in the summer gives you and your family/friends/colleagues time to brainstorm and reimagine how you can move away from gifts and toward something else ❤

[@MonthNo10]

Agreed agreed agreed! The anxiety I get around giving and receiving gifts is worse than another other anxiety I’ve ever felt. Can we please just normalize spending time together, no gifts necessary?

[@kalle-demos]

I'm not a big gift person and I hate having excess stuff in my home. Like, please if you're going to get me a gift, just get me exactly what I'm asking for on my wishlist.

[@victoriaschultz1508]

I'm so glad other people feel like this!! I agree 100% with this entire video

[@the_Pons]

This will be the first year we celebrate Christmas gift free!! 😁(between adults, my sister's two kids will get a gift from each of us 4 adults) My dad does a version of this obligatory gift giving, with birthdays too, not just Christmas, where if he can't find a specific thing wished for on a wish list, he buys what HE deems to be an acceptable substitute (like one year I wished for a very specific red velvet curtain pair, which wasn't in stock anymore by the time he went to buy it so he bought a single purple sheer curtain (that's not even close! The only thing they had in common was being curtains!). In that instance it would be better to buy something else from the wish list, or if it's a very short list buy something completely different, like a nice cheese or soft socks or something else you've actually given thought and think they might enjoy. The substitutes are completely useless from the gift receivers perspective, because not only do you not get the thing wished for but you now have this item that you have no use for which will justtakes up space/collect dust, and becomes your responsonility to use/find a use for so as not to be wasted🙄 And you yourself still have to buy the thing you wanted originally (if you want it enough). He's always very last minute with his gift purchases too which is probably a largely contributing reason as to having to buy poor substitutes. Seriously, I should've just saved all of those 'not-quite-what-I-asked-for' gifts and re-gifted them to him. Bet it wouldn't of taken many birthdays/Christmases for him to stop doing it 🙄 I should totally give him Shelby's list graphic 😄

[@ANinjasEerierEnemy]

I feel like obligatory gift giving as adults is frankly pointless. It reminds me of the Three Stooges act where they just pass the same ten dollar bill around to each other to balance what's owed between them. Just let me keep my money, you can keep your money, and we can both spend it on something we know we want, need and/or enjoy.

[@Uhhliviarose]

I tell everyone every year not to get me anything. They never listen lol and I of course know that it’s because they love me and want to make sure I know that. But, my family must be a different breed because ever since I stopped giving them lists I get the best gifts that I keep forever and actually use. Of course you always have that aunt that wants to get you bath and body works lotion or another throw blanket but you can’t win them all.😂

[@catnippackets]

omg this is SUCH a good video. gift giving is so deeply important to me and so many people miss the point so bad and completely misunderstand what the whole spirit of gift giving is! it's to show how much you know someone!! if you're putting zero thought into it and it's just purely "I have to give somebody an object" then you're just perpetuating consumerism. also I'm sooooo glad you brought up the point of "I know they like cats so I'll just buy something with a cat on it" because like...is the cat drawn/portrayed in a way that I know the person will find appealing? because if you're only buying it because it has a cat on it but you can't tell what kind of aesthetic/design/style they would appreciate seeing that cat in, then it's actually not as thoughtful of a gift as you think it is lol. you’re basically saying that you’re viewing it as an object and not an actual gift. I love giving and getting gifts a lot and I'm tired of pretending that it's childish and pointless bc it ISN'T but I also am super conscious about my environmental impact AND am not really a fan of clutter and like to be able to actually cherish every item I have, and having a bunch of stuff I don't really like stresses me out. so the way the internet likes to talk about gifts just gives the whole exchange a bad name and makes it into something so wasteful and thoughtless for the sake of obligations instead of actual genuine care. it feels so antithetical to the point of giving someone a gift in the first place.

[@itsthemintbunny]

Loved this video. It's a nice reminder because I feel the same way about getting gifts that aren't wanted or won't be used...but also can be the gifter indulging in getting unnecessary items for people. Especially because we have an unspoken 'gift quota' in our family. Gonna have a chat this year about understanding value with the fam so everyone can be happy with what they get and understand why Bro only gets 1 gift because it was expensive and all he wanted and Ma is getting three because she really wanted these specific three sweaters.

[@charlie_p0011]

I tell people at work and my family in advance to not buy me something and explain that it’s really important to me. If they insist on getting something, I will say I’d love to do something instead later in the year. I have not received a gift in several years. It’s been liberating.

[@Luna04567]

I shop on a private browser to avoid those targeted ads. Its so annoying

[@kimd1392]

I’m also a dolphin lover and had that exact dolphin figurine you showed. They’ve since been donated 🫣

[@BizBrew]

Perfect, great video! Personally, I try to only buy gifts if they match the person, if I find nothing that year then I won't gift anything to them. It's not until I find something that really works, so it might be years before they get another gift from me. Haha

[@razzmatazzirishwrist]

Been challenging myself to get only non-thing gifts this year. Buying a couple rounds of golf for my in-laws, gutter cleaner service for my parents, taking my nephews for a day to a trampoline park(also a gift to my sister). I was inspired by the box of gifts from my MIL sitting in the corner for a year now that we weren’t able to return in time due to having a baby two days after Christmas.

[@Laz3rCat95]

Great video! I think overall people need to stop feeling obligated to give gifts to everyone they know. I'd say only give gifts to those who are closest to you, and also consider gifting experiences rather than physical items whenever you can. When you do gift physical items, only gift items that a person either explicitly asked for, or that you know they will make good use of/find meaningful.

[@88JPOPS]

Love this. We have decided that only the kids are getting presents this year, the money we would have spent on other presents is being donated to various charities, hoping this will continue in future years too.

[@alison7758]

I am soo specific and have a list of what I want. One - because I never buy myself anything even essentials but also two.. don’t buy me stuff I don’t like because it just hurts our environment. I’m so specific on the stuff I like- just ask for my list. Some people can feel that’s rude of me.. but if we are giving gifts in the season of giving then we should be asking for things we will use for years and love .. not something that gets thrown away. I don’t understand why people will say they don’t want anything or surprise me but then there’s still expectations.

[@wakefulwitch]

I had an old work friend, repop up in my life last year and she got me a gift after expressing that I did not want gifts. She got me a personalized pillow thats white, has flowers and our names together that says "best friends forever" and I do not think of her like that at all. She apparently thinks of me like this. Because she's an adult in a straight relationship and no life outside of that. I literally have to travel around the country with this dreadful pillow that creates so much guilt cause I don't want it. Heelllpp ugh!! I cent even donate it because no one else in the world wants this pillow either.

[@jessv4300]

Oh that’s dreadful. Maybe find a pillow cover that you actually like and use it that way!

[@hannahg5479]

Agreed; a pillow cover is the solution-- IF you want the pillow itself. If you don't, donate or give it away (a crafter may cover it themselves or utilize the stuffing). If she asks about it, say you lost it along your travels (maybe in a fluster to get to an airport, you left it in the uber...) and then quickly mention you've already replaced it. Alternatively, if you don't think of her "like that," you don't even need to justify not using it/keeping it. People don't have any right to hold you hostage with physical objects they've given you.

[@danaberries]

oh my god, this video really speaks to me. I also hateeeeeeeeee buying gifts for friends.... friends I know already have too much stuff. I have a friend whose "lovel language" is gift giving.... and it physically hurts me. I do have a favorite gag gift.. its a gag gift box that is now used over and over every year. My family has used the same gift boxes for DECADES its pretty cool. There are gift boxes with names of family members that have passed and we use those to remember them!

[@SustainableSierra]

We don’t travel to see family during the holidays but I have been frank with friends saying “I’m not doing friend gifts this year, when would you like to meet for lunch/coffee on me?” Its often more fun and more meaningful. Why couldn’t you do the same for family gifts?

[@Raven74408]

Before anyone even opens a gift from me I tell them I won't be offended if they want to return it or regift it. I also include the receipt. I think that should be the norm. It helps relieve the emotional burden of the gift and the guilt people feel for not liking something.

[@Lhene9]

After a couple disappointing rounds of gifts, I started making wish lists. It's made everything so much easier, especially because I only buy and receive gifts from a small circle of people. I include a couple price points, make sure the gifts are accessible, and divide the list by person so no one will purchase duplicates. I really recommend it!

[@vickyhendriks5226]

Who's seeing you in your PJs? you can wear them all year around if you want to. We use our popcorn maker all the time! So much easier for the kids and I can just walk away and come back without worrying about it burning.

[@4-kathryn]

Gag gifts can work.. for example I had some 'Who Gives' t.p. and gifted one to my sister, on the packaging it said 'Happy birthday, happy anniversary ' etc.. so I circled 'happy birthday' in pen. It was one item as well as a few other gifts that she expressed needing (off her digital Wishlist) so I don't find it wasteful. She laughed and now has an extra t.p. roll.

[@hannahlewis884]

Leaving a second comment because the more comments I read the more I understood what I’m kind of wincing at a little here. Seems like your audience may be primarily middle-class or at least above the poverty line. I’m lucky Thai I can buy anything I need or want NOW, but when I was young, my family was super poor, so there was never a chance I was buying something “luxurious” or even of premium quality for myself BUT Christmas was the time of year I would buy things for other people I knew they would never buy for themselves. There really was significant intentionality behind it. I’d have to save up to buy my friends nice lamps or vases or jewelry AND be on the lookout for something nice but also something that complemented their tastes. I still really love when I can find a gift for someone that I know they will really love, but they would never buy for themselves. A really nice chocolate or tea or wine that I know would be a real treat for them. Something small and simple that I know they will use but will also let them know I’m thinking about them even though we live far apart. I also love to bake for my neighbors. What I would LOVE to see would be a video that addresses: 1. How you convince someone that it’s truly joyful for me to give them something they’ll love, and that I neither need or want a gift in return, and that I understand it takes a lot of bandwidth to shop for something in this way, and, 2. How to create a dynamic where I might gift you something a little pricy one year because I have the bandwidth to shop with intention, but that the next year I might not and that I’d rather not buy you anything than buy you something without intention. Very possible this is a hot take, but I think it’s a valuable perspective to consider, at least.

[@tracygarcia4078]

I’ve been reading through the comments with the same feeling as I also grew up poor and understood the money and time that went into purchasing/making gifts within our means. This is the most I have commented online in years. I think the overall approach being discussed here isn’t likely going to work. Not wanting to gift exchange in December is a counterculture belief in many cultures. If as environmentalists, we want others to embrace or at least understand our viewpoint, we must be patient, kind, and extremely communicative…no hinting or passive-aggressive comments…not aggressive comments or going NC in most instances either. Gift-giving and gift-receiving symbolizes so many things: community, family, love, financial security, stability, tradition, etc. It cannot effectively be removed without replacing it with something else. What that something else is only that family, workplace, or friend group knows. If you’re part of a family or group that cannot find meaning in a symbol separate from gift-giving, then we continue to lead by example, keep lines of communication open, keep being kind to people who are trying to express a form of kindness to us. We find nonprofits and charities that we truly believe in! We talk about them year-round and get involved with them throughout the year. We share how much this group of needed individuals could use XYZ, and to truly honor us, our family and friends can shop for them off their wishlists or donate cash directly to them. If they hear us talking about this group all the time, it will likely make a greater impact come December when we ask for something on their behalf. It sounds like you and I both know when you are poor, small luxuries are very much appreciated and not seen as clutter or garbage. We can also brainstorm ideas as a group to replace or lessen the importance of gifts. If there’s not a new symbol, people will fall back into the habit of the longstanding existing one: gift giving.

[@hannahlewis884]

@ I like the point you make about talking about nonprofits all year. That way, when a gift-giving occasion rolls around, it will genuinely reflect what they know about us and our passions when they make a donation of some time to that cause AND if they can’t afford a monetary donation, a few hours of volunteering can still serve as a thoughtful gift:) great points.

[@tracygarcia4078]

@@hannahlewis884thanks! I think this issue within families and friend groups (workplaces are tougher) can be easily solved with a lot (maybe even years) of communication…actually talking AND listening to the people in our lives. One quick comment isn’t going to make gifting go away. I think I’m older than the demo here, and I don’t like making generalizations, but this seems like a problem of poor communication and entitlement. Thank you for taking the time to reply here. I wish you a beautiful holiday season!!

[@novarachnid]

I love this video. I went vegan in 2019 and my ex shortly did after. It led me toward an environmentally conscious mindset. He ended up surprising me with thrifted clothes. They were nothing like what I wear and in colors I'd always said I hated. He absolutely flipped out on me calling me ungrateful. I was borderline goth at the time and he gave me a box of bright, preppy activewear.

[@cosmicpolitan]

When I'm not sure what to get someone, I always buy a $1, $5, $10, or $20 lotto ticket. It's like getting a little fun experience, it's affordable, and it won't take up too much room in a landfill.

[@rosemarybanner]

I soooo agree!!! I can’t stand waste…and wasteful gifts.

[@sdelong74]

I did feel Secret Santa at work. I quit sending cards years ago. I put out thrifted vintage decorations and string solar lights on my bushes. I reuse the same record every year and put out the family heirlooms. When I did do Secret Santa I bought the gifts from the thrift store. The one receiving the gifts enjoyed them. I do tell people I'm not big on getting anything.

[@michelleheegaard]

Best decision my family ever made was to not do gifts. Its SO much nicer not having that capitalistic pressure. We haven't done the whole gifts thing for years. That being said, last christmas was my mother's final christmas w us (she passed away in March) and it felt really special being able to give her a personal gift that had the undertones of "thank you", "goodbye" and "Ill remember you" in them. This year, I dont forsee us giving each other gifts. MAYBE my brother and I will do smaller gifts like gift baskets w tea or something. But nothing else. And I couldnt be happier about it. Im very picky about stuff I use/bring into my home and Ive honestly always been. Its just gotten worse (or better, depending on how you think about it) the older I've gotten. If I need something, I will buy it or go without.

[@fabuglamour]

I would love to watch a video with you and “Climate Town” cause I watch a video about returns and is crazy to think about how they rather throw it on landfills than do the diligence to rehome an item. Thank you for this I hope it does open the eyes of others cause I rather just see you and have a dinner or go out for coffee than to receive a gift. I got plastic storage boxes small that are all the same size and I would not have gotten myself cause I was trying to get something else to organize my stationary but it is here and I will use it until it breaks 😭

[@jmunnie00]

Love your channel! My husband and I keep a spreadsheet with tabs for ourselves and our kids with requested gifts. We list general ideas or categories as well as specific items with links to websites. It makes it clear what we want and what we'll actually use. I keep track of what was given each year so I know what was a hit and what not to repeat. We celebrate Christmas - stockings are typically filled with consumables like chocolate and lip balm (but only ones that we know the recipient likes). We've been slowly over the years buying cloth gift bags or reusing ones we've been given (while still using up the wrapping paper we've already set bought). We reuse the tags, too. Our kids use plain paper from a huge roll from Ikea to decorate gifts they give to their friends (and we usually skip birthday and holiday cards). A tip for any parents of young kids - when ours were little we gave them their red / handed down toys sometimes. Little kids don't really care or even have a concept of new (just new to them). And then we passed on or donated the toys once they outgrew them.

[@elizabethirlbacher4312]

Also, remember people's medical, religious, and lifestyles when you buy it. Every year I get fancy soap and bathbombs from someone I have had eczema forever and cannot use anything with fragrance. Yet every year people who know this about me, and some I consider close, will buy me fancy bath products because most people do like it. Luckily, my friend who is kosher is always gifted a sausage/cheese basket from her work so we just swap.

[@symmylynn]

My family (all adults now) started a shared Christmas wishlist a couple years ago and it makes everything better. Why spend money just for the person to not use your gift? Waste of your and my time. Now I get to lavish people with things they have been wanting but likely would never buy for themselves. Win-win.

[@olasarts]

My parents are really into gift giving (i think it ties into us growing up poor), but we're all adults! I hate the abundance under the tree that largely leads to clutter. I've found things I've gotten them before in deep storage in the back of closets in their basement, and it makes me feel really over it (especially since I will have to deal with it once they pass). This year they didn't even give me any ideas of what they'd like, so I told them I'm sticking to consumables only. I'm determined not to break that out of a sense of obligation and I'm really curious how it'll go over... I'm also wrapping everything in old drafting/posters (I work in a theatre department, so have full access to those items)

[@cdtnfufkfehlj4284]

I don't care, i wear holiday pajamas and socks all year round 😅 Also, never give animals as gifts

[@julialunsford7071]

I feel so seen with this video!! My mom’s side of the family often only buys things that THEY want me to like. I’ve given my wishlists thousands of times - I like a lot of cutesy Japanese related items, pink things, anime merch, cat related things.I remember a couple years ago I talked about these cute handmade cat ears to my mom thousands of times. I told her it was my number one Christmas wish. And instead, she gives me an Apple Watch! I know that Apple Watches are expensive and I NEVER wanted to seem ungrateful for that. But I’ve always told her that I’ve never had an interest in Apple Watches. I see them as unreasonable considering a phone does just the same. Despite how expensive the gift was, I was very disappointed because it was clearly a gift that they didn’t consider my tastes.

[@bhsprinkle]

It's sad to see perfectly useful stuff in dumpsters. All because it was returned or unsold. It would be nice if the stores donated that stuff to drives, charity, hospitals,& schools. I do think gifts are better if it's actually something someone expressed an interest in.

[@alliemay6076]

I thought I was getting old or something, because I literally don’t want gifts. It’s been a few years, and having stuff just doesn’t make me happy. My husband and I don’t drink either, so at least I feel like if someone gives me wine it’s easily regifted.

[@TheIslingtongirl]

I laughed at the popcorn maker comment because I love mine lol But I eat a fair amount of popcorn and I like to flavour it up myself.

[@actingwithpurpose]

This is great!!! My wife participated reluctantly in a Secret Santa, and helping her pick out a $25 gift that isn't complete plastic crap was such a process. We landed on a travel sized body care set from a really good brand, but oh my goodness, the stress of it all. I'm old enough now that I literally do NOT care about gifts anymore. Luckily, anything that I want, I can just save up for it and buy it myself! I'm here for the holidays returning to some semblance of normal tradition, which is seasonal food and drinks, natural bio-degredable decor, and quality time with loved ones.

[@syndarill]

Thank you for slapping me in the face and telling me to take the obligatory gag gift out of my shopping cart 😂

[@jilliannehamilton]

I’m the new person at work for this year’s department holiday get-together. And they play Yankee Swap. So I have to play Yankee Swap. And I’m so annoyed about it. I requested that no useless items because it’s wasteful.

[@amandabritannica]

I hate Yankee Swap 😩 either myself or someone else (or multiple people) are going to end up with some junk they don’t want. I also think it’s low-key mean spirited, but maybe that’s just a ‘me’ thing 😅

[@jilliannehamilton]

@ Nope, you’re 💯 correct

[@kalypsodeepsea982]

I only buy what I know for a fact my family members need or truly want. I usually ask for things I actually need or will like (okay, I admit, I love reading and love books). But I also try to find nice locally made gifts where possible. My sister loves candles. She doesn't need one, but she definitely uses hers alot. So I can get her a locally made candle, for example.

[@Kelbel5995]

Absolutely agree with the thesis of this video! Gift-giving can be a great way to show love to the people in your life--a good gift says "you are known and loved." So much of bad gift giving is either 1) laziness or 2) not knowing the gift recipient well. A lot of people don't want to put the time into thinking of/sourcing a good gift (likely because they feel like they have to give a million gifts to absolutely everyone in their life--unnecessary overconsumption!). Or they just don't know the recipient that well (in which case, a consumable is the way to go, and you should *ask* someone who does know the person better). I really wish people would stop giving crap gifts. Honestly, a bad gift just says, "I don't really know who you are or what you like, and I couldn't be bothered to put in a modicum of effort to find out." People who are frustrated by receiving poorly thought out gifts AREN'T ungrateful--like you said, when you give a bad gift, you've just gifted them trash or a chore. It's like people think that the phrase "it's the thought that counts" means that the only thought you have to put in is, "I guess I should buy this person whatever." Um, no.

[@lostinthemission]

Honestly I don’t need anything. I do love practical gifts. Skincare as a gift is bad for me because my skin is so sensitive. I’ve given away a lot of skincare gifted to me throughout the years.

[@ChristinaOurWoodHome]

I have a family member that asks what my husband and I want for Christmas, then proceeds to tell me those are dumb ideas. We like snacks as gifts, because it is things we wouldn't normally buy. I wanted new hand towels since my old set was on its way to the scrap bag, some books, useful things! This family member would continue to buy us stuff we didn't want or have space for. We would just say thank you (complicated relationship, so I didn't feel like I could reject the gifts) and then give the items away. I posted them for free on Facebook marketplace, instead of donating to the thrift store. Now I have severed ties with this person, so there is no more awkward gift giving.