Grieving Process Vlog - What have I been up to and Hyde Park Walk

[@juliettemacdonald6184]

Hi Diana! What a difference in you in this video - your smiling + even wearing make-up! You're a beautiful lady who is only 30 + are very lucky to have so many happy years ahead of you! I love the shirt you wore out to the park! Were those lovebirds or parrots that you were feeding - such a beautiful park. I'm living in Toronto but was born + lived the first 27 years of my life on P.E.I - Canada's smallest province, an island, around the other provinces of Nova Scotia + New Brunswick. I'mve watched your previous videos + will watch your most recent one - and will write you again. But for now please control your thoughts. If your thoughts of your mom are good allow them but if they are ones that will make you feel sad stop them. Your mom is in a beautiful heavenly place + you WILL see her guaranteed if you only keep your faith strong! Be good to yourself by enjoying your life!

[@searchingforparadise4173]

Thank you Juliette for your kind message! Reading it has cheered me up.It's nice to know there are kind people out there who support others emotionally when they feel lost. I also love the shirt! However, it was a bit difficult to wear it as it's one of the t-shirts my mother wore in the hospice in her last days - sometimes when I wear it, it feels like she is close to me, but then it also brings back the hospice memories. I think they call them parakeets, however, I am not sure about the differences, apologies! I have spent 5 days in Toronto in 2019 when I visited Canada, such a beautiful place! Nova Scotia was also on our list but we never got to visit it unfortunately :( I heard it's so beautiful.I will probably try to post some montages of my past trips in the future, but I never recorded them with the thought to publish them, so it's just some short videos here and there of the sceneries. I am trying to control my thoughts but that is the hardest thing to do, because there are so many triggers.

[@juliettemacdonald6184]

@@searchingforparadise4173 So nice to hear from you Dianna! Thanks for taking the time to answer all my questions. I see so clearly what I strongly believe are multiple negative thought patterns that are responsible for your overwhelming sadness + overwhelming thoughts iof loss, grieving, anger, guilt, helpness believing you can never escape these feelings. I believe that I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my dear sister Christine about 15 years ago to ovarian cancer at the young age of 36, my dear older brother Peter to lung cancer about 10 years ago, my biological father (who I never knew) was a lawyer but also a severe alcoholic who had a massive heart attack in a "booze-can" ( a house that sells alcohol to people during the hours when bars + stores are closed), my sister's ex-boyfriend Timmy who died by drowning, my boyfriend died a slow + painful death from Lou Gehrigs when he was only 48, + the death of my daughter's father 2 years ago. He was my last relationship - was with a man I met in 2004 (I fell in love with him + granted his wish for me to become pregnant 3 months after knowing him- not knowing till after I was pregnant that he was a most severe alcoholic who was a compulsive liar, thief, predator, + stalker who stole my debit card taking took funds from the bank machine without my permission,, stole any + as many of my belongings (including my entire 900 CD collection) to then sell in exchange for money to purchase alcohol. When I was 3 months pregnant I could not tolerate his unpredictable + bizarre behavior, while constantly intoxicated, anymore + paid 1st + last month rent on a room to be rid of him. I told him that I wished no contact with him until I gave birth to our daughter + during the months prior to that I asked him to decide whether he wanted to be in our lives + if he did to be totally sober for a period of months where at that time we could attempt a reconciliation. He left me in peace + didn't contact me as I had requested. But Dianna I truly hope that you will one day experience the feeling I had after birthing my daughter. It is an overwhelming feeling of love + connection between me, the baby, + the baby's father. I felt that connection + the overwhelming love I felt for Desmond returned to me. I will take a break + finish writing to you very soon. With much love + concern for you from Juliette. ❤

[@searchingforparadise4173]

@@juliettemacdonald6184 I am so sorry Juliette to hear about all that has happened in your life! You are such a strong woman! And I am so glad to hear that you found your happiness in your daughter and that she guides you in life. I do hope I get to enjoy a happy life again at some point, but the scar is too recent right now; hopefully with time it will get better. Big hugs and always stay positive and strong!