Guilt tripping parents get it all wrong

Getting guilt tripped by your parents doesn't just feel awful, it creates lifetime patterns of self-doubt and issues with setting boundaries. It's especially worse when you've been working hard to meet their expectations, and yet never feel like you came close to meeting them. In this video, I'll give you insight into what's actually happening when they guilt trip you so you can process these moments differently and move forward in your healing journey.
Asha
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DISCLAIMER: Any information or advice I give is purely based on my own experience and research. There is no guarantee as there are many variables that will impact your success. Everything stated should be taken as opinion.
Keywords:
social anxiety, anxiety, social phobia, social anxiety problems, social anxiety coach, introvert problems, low confidence, social anxiety disorder, how to overcome shyness, how to overcome social anxiety, relationships, social skills, low confidence, anxiety attack, anxiety coach, anxiety resource, how to overcome anxiety, coping mechanisms, mental health awareness, socially anxious, socially nervous, how to make friends, agoraphobia, depression, loneliness, people skills, social skills, eye contact, relationship building, charisma, awkward, avoidant personality disorder, shyness, childhood trauma, childhood emotional neglect, past trauma, trauma informed, trauma processing, how to heal from trauma, shyness, low self esteem, childhood wounding, narcissism, scapegoat, lost child, overbearing parents, parenting style, people pleaser, kindness, self sabotage, authoritarian, overly strict parents, authoritarian parenting emotionally distant parents
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Asha Jacob

[@AshaJacob]

If you'd like to uncover, process, and heal childhood wounds so that you can find your natural leadership and confidently express yourself, book a short call with me here to see if we'd be a good fit for working together: www.ashajacob.com/chatwithasha

[@PeachesCourage]

My precious son died suddenly from stroke at 47 years old 2 years ago You are so right though Guilt is a feminine roll and I have been there so long and still feel it I cannot feel the reality until I shake the guilty roll I was given all my life as a child Which is the truth so you are correct here very much so guilt will take you down though and this world doesn't help too Guilt is ONLY fear of what happened and If I dwell there ISN"T healthy and certainly NOT responsible You know? Your what i needed and still do many thanks honest I'm only human like everyone else Not God This life doesn't allow death you know and well you feel your all the more responsible for something that wasn't my fault or my son's

[@veermehta-gb8ij]

Can you do message one? I am a teen, should I apply?

[@SlovenCathrin]

My fogey is obsessed with junks, my mother doesn like but wouldn argue or dare to throw his stuff, plus she wld keep complaining abt how unhappy she is. Instead of seeking help she would just go to church, and Yes all the guilt tripping!

[@amahdcole2185]

Thanks for sharing

[@Moonlightsaphire199]

Hey, im intrested..but whats sthe cost and everything..also is this therapy?

[@reexg98]

Having toxic parents helped me TRULY understand the saying “Every child deserves a parent, not every parent a child.”

[@AshaJacob]

That's such a good saying. Thanks for sharing it!

[@Sam_Smiles_]

damn, that be so true❤

[@Bfdidc]

There are toxic-as-hell children out there who treat decent parents abysmally. My brother is one of them.

[@Mochi-re8cv]

true

[@jacqueslee2592]

Most people are not born because their parents were planning to have children, there are people but this is rare, they are born due to lust. It is a natural feeling that every human being has. However, it is after the commitment that soon to be parent adults can consider their child a godsend or a curse, which will be the framework of the family dynamics throughout an individual's childhood and determines his adulthood.

[@Speckz513]

This is why I dislike the 'I live for my kids' parents because they never had a great life, mission or tasks before they had children. They'll want their children to be successful and take care of them.

[@jaky411]

True but also some are not even nearing retirement age to think that way and not willing to make any self improvement changes with he current environment/culture they are in/chose for their kids to grow up in at all and expect so much things on their shoulders to be able to figure out/maintain and make sense of it🤨😆

[@jessicatoussaint9140]

My dad has said this before. I think its because he never wanted kids in the first place

[@phillipsjuan3871]

exactly

[@Chick4Biden2024]

I don't live through my kid but I do live for him in that I want to be present, engaging in his life. He doesn't owe me anything but he knows I am there for him in a supportive role. Giving a d*mn you know? I hate parents who force there kids into a box etc.

[@samtavoosian3059]

They already lost the game of life

[@tingyang5619]

"You are so selfish", "You are so ungrateful", "I know when you grow up, you will not take good care of us". These are what my parents told me.

[@tiredoftheworld4834]

It’s almost as if they beckon you to hate them when you actually don’t… until you do…

[@6ixalive]

Mine said I got your cousin to take me in when “I’m older” because I know you won’t ever 😂😂😂 I laughed so hard because I was 16 almost at the time I’m now 17 almost 18 but yea LOL

[@o_m8717]

Same!

[@skidmok6481]

Same from my mother only. Chinese parents. Someone tell me there are Chinese parents that don't act this way?

[@sarasspace3096]

I am 29 yo and I am physically sick because of this guilt trip and feeling of never being good enough...it's horrible, tiring and no matter what I do I am always the bad person ..

[@JungkookBestBoy1]

some ppl dont change. address the problem kindly to her if she rejects wut she has been doing distance yourself from her if its affecting ur mental health. keep doing you you are doing great :)

[@CovidFart]

It's not about never being good enough it's parents know you're capable of more and sometimes not taking any accountability for our own actions leads them to see things in a different way quit being fucking lazy get up do something and not just be alive

[@AshaJacob]

Ugh, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please maintain an emotional distance from them and find a good support network. Hugs.

[@phoenixmountstudios2765]

Just say no. Or I'm done. It's time like this you need to cut that chain and tell them you dont need them if they are not going to respect you.

[@Mochi-re8cv]

same

[@user-ur1jt9hd3m]

It is crazy in dysfunctional families that parents think they should be first priority in your life.

[@user-ur1jt9hd3m]

@fumiko ★ it is absolutely not, it serves a needy parent, not the child.

[@user-ur1jt9hd3m]

@fumiko ★ educate yourself, read read read and introspect. See your family for what it really is instead of seeing it through the child's eye. We who come from dysfunctional families LEARNED to NOT see the elephant in the room. Now we cal relearn to see it. Takes effort.

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

The parents are not right!

[@tm.2666]

This. I never asked to be born. My parents chose to bring me. If I had kids I would raise them my way but never dislike them for not turning out as the exact cookie cutter I favor. Kids are humans not copies of you.

[@hanzimmer]

here, you dropped this 👑

[@XXXXBossXXXX]

@@hanzimmer lemme shine it real quick before it touches his/her head lol. beautiful!

[@inx-xskull3321]

bro I wanna share one thing to u is I wish I would never born

[@SlovenCathrin]

Same i din ask to be born too, whenever my mother wants to argue she would say something rude, i know the trigger i say i know their shit. Then she wld just shut down, dun acknowledge. I hate that

[@coryv6947]

To be fair you did win the race😂

[@Duncman92]

Making my parents proud means NOTHING to me, I don’t love them enough to do so. Reason being is because their definition of making them proud is being the version of me they created in their heads

[@AshaJacob]

I'm glad you've realized this for yourself!

[@Duncman92]

@@AshaJacob me too. All my life I’ve been told to make my Mom happy and make my Dad proud, but what the fuck about me?! This is how people pleasers are formed

[@cariterry2907]

I finally moved out last year at 30 and never looked back!! We don’t owe our parents anything! Glad to finally have my inner peace!

[@AshaJacob]

I'm sorry you had to go through such an experience with your parents! Our childhood home should be a place where we feel safe. Glad you've moved out and have found inner peace, Cari!

[@Maincourse19]

I am in the same boat! I’m 31 with a stable job and make a decent income to support myself but trying to move out has been so overwhelming for me. My parents raised me to doubt myself and depend on them for validation with guilt tripping and constant criticism. I just now went through a spiritual awakening to work on past abuse from them and find security within myself to be strong and independent. I realized my parents will never change and are caught up too much in their ego. At this point it is completely my responsibility to do the inner work and gain my own freedom, not theirs. I have so much anger inside me towards them that I was dumped their problems from their past trauma and now I have to carry that and do the inner work to heal it. It sucks and I have so much hatred towards them for it.

[@cariterry2907]

@@Anna-wx4ho i went to college and did grad school and educated myself. I hope you have a nice day 😊 and by the way, my mom still asks me to come back home to this very day, and I told her no. I hope you find something better to do with your life that has purpose than harass people and be a bully.

[@Maincourse19]

@@cariterry2907 hey! Yeah just saw this. I moved out a couple weeks ago. My mother wanted to talk to me when I came back to get my stuff in her child trauma voice that I hate hearing. That “please don’t hurt me I’m a victim my whole life” voice despite her treating me like trash and expecting me to serve and bow to her. So glad I got out of that. I just noticed my anxiety has been waaaay better. Haha.

[@cariterry2907]

@@Maincourse19 I’m so glad you got out! We only have one life and we have to live it to the fullest!! 😊

[@demiladeayeni]

I hate my parents because they made me a people pleaser riddled with guilt now at 21 I’m here on youtube watching videos about toxic parents when I realised they gave me imposter syndrome and perfectionism that made me fail uni

[@michelledoff9890]

I hope u are doing okay,

[@tiagonthego]

@@michelledoff9890same🥲

[@BB-fo5mr]

I am 38, its only gotten worse. Hope it doesn’t go the same for you.

[@demiladeayeni]

@@michelledoff9890 thank you 🤍

[@parkourfreak114]

I'm trying my best not to be like my dad and the family. I'm always the mean one to them. I'm always the asshole to them. I'm always a problem to them. He always guilt trips me and it honestly makes me want to cry as a 25 year old man. I honestly just want to be left alone. I've never been the family oriented type. I'm never the favorite. I never seem to do anything right. I just want to move away and never come back.

[@user-vg9se2xm1w]

Moving away will be the best way to find peace. You deserve have peace and live your life to the fullest.

[@Matthew-tn7lm]

Wow, I honestly thought you were gonna say 15, not 25. At your age it’s time to either move out or stop whining. I’m sure it’s all their fault though lol

[@parkourfreak114]

@@Matthew-tn7lm if only it were that simple. Sadly, things aren't just as easy as "move out and stop whining" Just because I'm 25 doesn't make it okay to guilt trip or manipulate me. Just because I'm 25 doesn't mean it's invalid to have emotions and feelings. I have moved out, but that doesn't make it any less painful and upsetting the way I was treated like an other in my own home. Do you know how shitty it is to be the black sheep of your family from the time you were a kid to an adult? When all you want is to fit in, but you're seen as a drifter or someone who doesn't belong? That shit hits hard and it hindered my ability to figure out how to be on my own for a while. Now that I am on my own, I have been nothing but successful!

[@parkourfreak114]

@@Matthew-tn7lm but you know, I'm proud of myself. If you feel like it's relevant to insult me for being 25 and not moving out, welcome to 2021 and living in the second most expensive place in the United States. Most people here are rooming or living with parents.

[@Matthew-tn7lm]

@@parkourfreak114 no, I’m not judging you for living at home. I was about your age when I left home and most of my friends were as well. I’m just pointing out the audacity of whining about the people who literally give you shelter when, at your age, they could legally have you removed from their home and you’d be homeless without them

[@GMSjk777]

26 and can't wait to move out. They're trying to keep me here, but it won't hold much longer. I've been reading the comments here and I know we're all gonna make it, no matter what. Great video, really needed to hear it. Thank you so much. God bless you all.

[@mimo-bine]

Wow im 19 and I can’t imagine living with them for 2 more years. What are the things that you did that helped you stay sane?

[@lavanyat9072]

I’m 22 and I work a 9-6 job, my parents won’t let me hangout with any of my friends. They give me silent treatment all the time, try to make me stay at home whenever possible. Since they don’t like me hanging out, now they are planning for my marriage. Countless days I’ve cried my heart out in the bathroom. I don’t want to hurt then with my words or actions or disrespect them in any way; however I cannot just take this anymore. It’s taking a troll on my mental health.

[@AshaJacob]

Lavanya, my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Try initiating a gentle conversation with them. If it doesn't work out after a few times, you have to think of hard decisions to make to respect your own wants and needs in life. You don't want your entire life to be taken away by controlling parents.

[@AshaJacob]

What a lovely comment. The fact that you're looking up videos and trying to grasp the situation shows that you're on the pathway to healing and creating a life you love. Hugs.

[@niecyfields3325]

Same 26 and my eyes have opened even more to the emotional manipulation I’ve been dealing with these folks. I can’t wait for God to Bless Me Majorly, beyond my Wildest Imagination.

[@maureenw7553]

Why do I feel such guilt cutting off people who make me feel the worst? I just want to be free. I don't hate them but they destroy me.

[@AshaJacob]

Ugh, I totally know how you feel. We're wired to love those that parented us, and we often see that they're not bad people at all, just unhealthy and misguided. So it becomes incredibly difficult to create distance and see them drown in self-pity.

[@theredone7953]

I love reading all the comments it helps me feel less lonely and not the only one dealing with toxic parents. My mother plays the role of “I live only because of my children” and she goes to me to seek advice, dump her trauma on me, and depressed from my father being an ass to her. Then my father guilts everyone, I give you so much and you owe me person, controlling, and overall a very narcissistic individual. I love them but I’m so emotionally tired and I’m only 18 but as soon as I graduate Im moving out. I can’t have my own opinions, he’s pissed if I don’t follow everything he says, can’t make mistakes, and I can’t express how I feel to them unless it’s happiness. But I’m constantly second guessing if I should move out and stressing if my parents will hate me.

[@catelynnlouisa2907]

It's the best for you to move out, it doesn't matter if they hate you as long as you are happy it doesn't matter and you will probably forget about them once you are not living with them for a while.

[@AshaJacob]

Thank you so much for sharing this. Moving out will not just allow you to have better mental health and start living life for yourself, but it also gives you and opportunity to create a different relationship with your parents. Sometimes a big change like moving out is what is required for them to realize that you're growing up and are an adult now. I hope you're doing alright. Hugs!

[@dhimahivyas3946]

Oh my god this comment feels so relatable its like I typed it

[@anneray433]

Trust me when I say you are not alone.

[@Kiharu_Sunzuko]

Whats the point of having babies if you’re going to treat it like trash? 🤡🎪🤡🎪

[@Gabriela.H]

My mother is like that. She always wants me to help her financially, meanwhile she refuses to get a job. She refuses to seek help for her emotional issues. Ive done more than enough for her for the past 12 years and I’ve finally set my limits with her.

[@AshaJacob]

So happy you're finally setting boundaries, Gabriela! With some tough love, she'll recognize she's more capable than she gives herself credit for. You've taken steps to look out for the both of you.

[@Gabriela.H]

@@AshaJacob thank you 🙏🏼

[@anneray433]

Mom straight up believes that is my job to look after her. As a return for everything she has chosen to do for me. Note that a lot of these things were against my wishes. She forced a lot of things on me coz I'm supposed to be her retirement plan and marry someone she picks for me when she does. Supposed to lol

[@Mochi-re8cv]

same

[@mrs.quills7061]

Good on you. My husbands mom and family are the same they always bring drama and trauma and act like children who can’t function.

[@nemo9396]

Many parents just genuinely resent seeing their children move out however, some keep quiet and deal with the sadness alone, that also triggers a sense of guilt in the child moving out if they are empathetic

[@AshaJacob]

Absolutely. Unhealthy reactions swing from resentment to self-pity and guilt. The latter can be especially hard to deal with, since we love our parents and want to be there for them. But they're neglecting the necessity of our independence. Oftentimes they're so much more capable than they realize, but have formed a dependence. Gradual, gentle steps of tough love works best here!

[@vm6445]

I told my mom she only wants to have kids so that someone will take care of her when she's old. Now, my sister, whom she used to hate is forced to take her in because no one wants her because of her attitude. She only wants to take your side if that person has money. She will only love you if you have money.

[@angelsbackgroundsounds]

lolllll sound like my modda

[@leannamctier470]

How i feel

[@Gabriela.H]

Yep, sounds like mine too

[@catherinebirch2399]

If I had a mother like that I'd put her in a home.

[@phenitagomes1292]

My mother

[@Rls1020]

My mother constantly told me that I wasn't appreciative enough.A lot of your ideas expressed here were really good and really insightful. You skillfully articulated a lot of this that is often difficult to express precisely in words.

[@CovidFart]

You were probably an ungrateful kid and you won't realize it until you actually grow up

[@AshaJacob]

Thank you so much, Ris!

[@arandomcatheehee]

My dad always pulls the “You owe me” whether it be love, affection, respect, physical belongings, etc. I would ALMOST understand if I’d been an accident and he gave birth to me but… I’m adopted 💀

[@AshaJacob]

Ugh, what a pain. It's like a power-trip for them. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

[@arandomcatheehee]

@@AshaJacob Thank you 💜 I really appreciate that

[@CJ-or8vy]

I can't be mad at adopting larebts but he shouldn't say that for sure. I wouldn't be surprise if an adopting parent get mad at a big ass misbehaving teenagers or adults but he can't use that against them. It would be better to just let you go than say that and waiting for something in return of his adoption.

[@BL-sd2qw]

You don't try to control the things you love, you try to control the things you fear. Fear and love go in opposite ways, because love comes with trust. Trust -> let be

[@vernon121]

Holidays are the worst with toxic parents. It’s what led me to this video.

[@hele4299]

My mother would tell me how I'm wo ungrateful and could never get anything done on my own, while simultaneously pushing me away constantly from her personal space and making me feel how unwelcome I am.

[@karinaboo1393]

Same here, I remember how much she didn’t like me helping her clean as a kid. It would always be annoying to her. Now she constantly talks about how I don’t ever help around the house or how I don’t treat the family well. She literally told me to go away every time I was around her. Luckily I found an apartment :)

[@zxth]

Same I just fee trapped around my parents I can’t even move back with my sisters because it’s “bad” and “my sister can’t take care of me” even tho they are like my guardians they treat me better than my parents do and I have to stay at a school that I don’t like

[@angelsbackgroundsounds]

my mom too shes fake af

[@Mochi-re8cv]

same

[@santanalawrence4448]

Hello, I know it's hard but hang in there everyone, each and everyone of you all hard work and kindness has not gone unnoticed by God, He will reward each and everyone of you greatly, He loves you all, whenever you feel unappreciated, call on Jesus, whenever you all feel hurt, call on Jesus and whenever you all feel as if you are not enough, call on Jesus, keep praying and trusting in The Lord, keep up the amazing work, God will reward you all greatly, the process may be hard and slow but God is still in control and He is still in the blessing business, you can find peace and rest in God, His words are true and comforting as His love is amazing, pure and everlasting, when you done all you can do and it seems as if it is not enough, give it to Jesus and He will fix it, you all are beautiful, amazing, important and somebody, it doesn't matter how many times you have fallen, what truly matters is that you keep getting back up, don't give up, hang in there, let go and let God, love and pray for everyone and forgive your enemies and because of Jesus, you all have the victory and can face anything because you all have God on your side through it all, God is with you all and He cares, hang in there everyone, it will be okay, God got this for each and everyone of you, don't stop loving, even if you have to love from a distance, continue to love and leave the rest in the hands of God and move forward with Jesus Christ, keep being kind and keep praising God through it all, praise God for Who He is and not just for His blessings but praise God through it all and for Who He is, no matter what you all are going through, do not allow that bad behavior of others to bring out the worse in you but allow God in any and in all situations to bring out the best in you, God has many wonderful blessings to come to each and everyone of you all way, God bless each and everyone of you and your families, in the mighty, name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior of the world, amen 🙏❤

[@gowthamanjaiganesh3210]

I am 20yo. My father and mother both hate me for not doing what they tell me to do. When I want to be alone and happy they force me to interact with them. They are always trying to control me and they are so insecure about me getting independent that they dont want me to do part time job. My dream and my perspectives are constantly undermined and messing me up. I want to honestly emotionally detach from them completely and don't want them in my life. I am scared that they will be controlling my future and will become their puppet. That is the worst nightmare ever.

[@2111ah]

Im always yelled at saying I owe them so much because they do things for me. I dont know what to do. They guilt trip me so much and I want to cry.

[@JungkookBestBoy1]

u can cry in the bathroom let it out... it helps

[@AshaJacob]

I'm so sorry. Please understand that it's not healthy or acceptable behavior on their part. Hugs.

[@emmanueltabe7211]

i’m 16, my parents literally tried to guilt trip me because I didn’t call my mom after she was not home for hours at a time which they usually aren’t😭and my mom calls me a disappointment, they think I gaf💀manipulation at it’s finest

[@AshaJacob]

Ugh, they honestly have no idea what the impact of their words are. Glad you're letting it roll off your shoulders. Hugs.

[@santanalawrence4448]

Hello, how are you and your family, hang in there, it will be okay, God has your back and with Jesus on your side, you have the victory and can face anything, Jesus loves you, keep up the amazing work through Jesus Christ, all of your love, kindness and hard work has not gone unnoticed by God, He appreciates you, in all that you do and He will reward you greatly, keep giving God the glory, you are beautiful and amazing as you shine through Jesus Christ, God has so many wonderful blessings to come your way, I have faith in you and so does God, you got this, God bless you and your family, always and abundantly, in the mighty, name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior of the world, amen 🙏❤

[@Moszan]

​@@santanalawrence4448what in the hell?

[@lillyyana9910]

My mum will curse me if I dont do what she wants me to do.

[@icyvera]

Idk it is appropriate to say it but i f*d my mom's opinions so much ago

[@josephstalin8298]

Gtfo of that house and get away from them that’s some some advice I can give u

[@baddieali4476]

@@josephstalin8298 my advice too, I’m leaving in two weeks, just packing my ish and leaving. My dad says I will go to hell if I leave him and don’t come visit

[@skalawitz]

I'm almost 40 and my parents are like this when I was in my youth. I had a very miserable childhood. And now I have a 4yo, Iwill make sure I will never repeat the same mistake they made.

[@AshaJacob]

Thank you for being introspective and being a wonderful, thoughtful parent.

[@AndreaHernandez-hl4qd]

I’m pretty sure more than half on my childhood traumas are a result of this. And, even if you really don’t want to, these are the kinds of relationships you keep attracting in the future. God, it’s hard.

[@AshaJacob]

Very well put. If you're not careful it's so easily to find yourself around people who display the same unhealthy dynamics as those at home, since that's what familiar. It takes a lot of effort to be aware of this. I hope you're doing alright, Andrea. Hugs.

[@phenitagomes1292]

I believe that too

[@santanalawrence4448]

Hello, everyone, hang in there, the process may be hard and slow but God is still in control, it doesn't matter how many times you have fallen, what matters is that you keep getting back up, with Jesus on your side, you have the victory and can face all things, God bless each and everyone of your families, in the mighty, name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior of the world, amen 🙏❤

[@tubadurantdoda]

My parents constantly discouraged me from moving abroad even though it's been my dream since high school and now I'm 26 and working towards that dream day by day and about a few months ago my dad shouted at me after hearing about my plans of studying in Germany, he cut it off completely and told me to "forget about it" and he still keeps actively ignoring that and gives suggestions to find a permanent job in our city. I'm saving up all on my own to be able to fulfill that goal with zero support from them even though they have the financial ability to back me up to make it easier for me. I feel so stressed and worried that my dad will try to stop me from achieving this dream. It's life or death situation for me because I am so unhappy in this country and the mentality of the people etc.

[@cyndrianaa]

You mean you're scared he's going to try to sabotage your plans? If not, and if you have the financial ability to move abroad, your dad's opinion shouldn't matter. Good luck to you, I hope you can break free from this toxicity soon.

[@aleeshasarr]

The best thing you can do is not listen to them respectfully.

[@tubadurantdoda]

@@cyndrianaa thank you

[@tubadurantdoda]

@@aleeshasarr probably

[@doncorleone3901]

@@tubadurantdoda You are 26 and want to go study abroad now. No wonder your dad thinks you are nuts

[@izanamibride4698]

My mom treats me and my sister like crap and does hurtful things to us and demands us to respect her no matter what. These types of parents are teaching their kids that they should respect the people that treat them like crap.

[@AshaJacob]

Exactly! I'm sorry you're experiencing this.

[@romina5717]

Its always”i gave up my life for you” “i couldve had no kids and just enjoy my life right now” oh please i never asked you to bring me into this world,i really appreciate it,but if your gonna make me feel guilty about ruining your life then no thanks

[@GuitarMatt]

"I could have taken a better job in Europe but I didn't because of you." Early GUILT TRIP at a 10 year old me from my 33-yr older than me parents. (I had no idea what was next in store for me for the scapegoat of the family, myself

[@nyakhanchap2094]

I’m the oldest of 7 siblings and so much of the house work falls on me. I told my parents I want to move out and my mom cried and said she wouldn’t be able to manage if I left. I don’t want to live anymore. I will always be jealous of people who had parents who let them have lives, and I feel like my happiness doesn’t matter and that I’m just a caretaker. Your kids, your responsibility.

[@AshaJacob]

Gah, my heart hurts so much for you. You had your childhood ripped away just like that. And even now you're burdened with guilt that you never should have ever had. I know it's going to be so hard, but please, move out. It's going to feel like absolute hell at first, but I promise you'll soon come to realize it's the best decision you've ever made. It also shows your parents that they're more capable than they realize. You need to give them some tough love and show that they can be independent. Hugs.

[@asunset8545]

It's sad how well I relate to you. I hope the best for you and your future ❤️

[@phenitagomes1292]

Thats why people better be careful with having children unplanned because that's exactly what it is.

[@deborahemmanuel2381]

Pack up and leave it you're financially capable. End of....if you died today, your mum & her 6 other children will keep breathing.

[@praimetjainaja5502]

The bad thing is that I'm stuck with my parent due to covid19, so I was forced to stay home and not being able to put space between me and them

[@AshaJacob]

I hope you've been able to create some emotional detachment to protect yourself. Hugs.

[@Katnipkitkat_Cthulhu]

I don't even want to be here at all. Just becoming a parent is so incredibly selfish.

[@zsuzsuspetals]

I never thought about it that way but YES! My parents have done this to me my whole life. Creating this feeling of owing them for control and so I take care of them. But they did the bare minimum for me. I always knew it just felt wrong that a parent would make a child feel guilty because they took care of them when that's their job! Parents who love being parents don't think this way. It's one thing if a child wants to take care of a parent. It's another thing that they do it because of guilt from that parent. Thank you for that explanation.

[@user-tx8un4is9l]

Because that is their job? If they had left and threw you away in your childhood, you think you would be better? A lot of parents don't give a shit about their children, so you should be thankful that you actually have them. You think raising a human being is easy. They are people just like you, and they had their own problems and trauma to deal with, but they tried to raise you the best they could, but they were just humans they make mistakes , so if you don't understand that and forgive them, that just shows how you are irrogant and selfish

[@mrp5578]

As a Christian and Asian , it is a culture that once a child finishes school it is now your turn to take care of of your parents even if they are still able to work. I have done this for 2 years but decided to stop after I got married and move to another country. I could tell my parents are not happy even if my brother took over this responsibility. Since I was a child , my parents tend to fight bout money and all I hear my mother say is Money. I feel guilty because they are my parents but I am so sick and tired of their treating their children like their slave or retirement fund. It is so bad that my dad had a mistress and had a kid and still expect help financially from us kids. Up to his dying breath , he still demands money from everyone. The sad part is I just want to live my remaining life in peace. I have terminal cancer.

[@bellearguela6130]

Filipino culture I guess...

[@LonjeMarie7]

I’m sorry you’re sick you are on the right track to continue to take care of yourself you don’t owe them anything

[@josephstalin8298]

I hope ur doing ok a year ago my grandpa died from cancer…cancer is a bitch

[@angelsbackgroundsounds]

hope you get better and change your life around

[@AshaJacob]

I hope you're doing alright, placed some boundaries, and have been able to find happiness in your days. Hugs.

[@jasper8196]

this is incredible, more people need to hear and say this. i have so many friends whos parents guilt trip them, and its so horrible and toxic. this means so much keep up the good work

[@diligentboy7269]

My mother always guilt trips me by dumping her failures as a parent onto me by making me feel guilty for moving out and not thinking of my siblings when my mental health comes first . It is not my job to raise her kids , I’m still growing myslef

[@tsveno72]

I like doing nice things for my parents but the guilt tripping bull when I’m close to 49 is not acceptable and I won’t heed them at all.

[@HK-qd5ou]

My parents have sacrificed for us to get all the education that we needed. I want to help out my parent because they are at the age where they are getting older. They don't demand anything from me.... I just want to help them out because of gratitude ...

[@AshaJacob]

And that is wonderful! You desire to help them out comes from love, not fear and guilt. I'm glad your parents make you feel love and respected, and don't make you feel like you're using up their resources.

[@wardaahmad3387]

Atleast someone...

[@x-mess]

Honor your father and mother to have long life. It doesn't mean "like, love, agree with". It just means respect. Learning to respect them will teach you to respect others. Sometimes, in order to remain respectful, you need to remove yourself from the situation. Never lower yourself to the level of disrespect.

[@Moszan]

If parents want respect from their children, they need to model it by respecting the latter. It's a two way street.

[@soulaudacity555]

🎯🎯🎯

[@asunset8545]

Great point!❤ I've been seeing that as well

[@lewisburton1852]

Respect and honor are earned not just given away. A lot of Bible thumping Christian’s use the Bible as their weapon to excuse themselves of being a good parent.

[@x-mess]

@@lewisburton1852 so … if you don’t like your boss or let’s say your army leader is a jerk or you don’t like the decisions they make, you wouldn’t still show respect tho? Granted, you can always quit and leave, and as a kid, you’re eventually GOING to leave…. But it’s the same idea… that’s all. If the parent made no attempt to bond with their kid, they will reap what they sowed. But you don’t lower yourself to that level. Otherwise, the world is never going to get better if everyone repayed an eye for an eye.. the world would be blind dear

[@owlbestitching8839]

You are spot on. It’s also opening my eyes towards my own grown child. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel guilty or thinking she owes me anything for payback. Thank you for creating this type of content.

[@LKelz]

I am 29 year old Chinese American and this video is spot on !I still live with my mom and she doesn’t even support me to move out

[@michaeldesanta4688]

I followed my parents blindly now I am a failure and they say I am responsible for it because I never listened to them

[@jeanjacqueslundi3502]

You are not a failure. No one is a failure because our life is OUR OWN, not for someone else to judge. No matter the societal expectation you are "failing" to meet, please realize it's a hook on your freedom as an individual. You should live for you, not to appear respectable in the eyes of others.

[@FreeJulianAssange23]

I stood up to my mom today and feel really bad. I yelled and than she guilt tripped me and like usual the guilt trip worked. All she wants is to hang out together but I don’t like socializing anymore. I used to end up getting slapped across the face, called names like bitch, loser, or slut. Now that has stopped I still remember and prefer isolating. No more getting getting bossed around, called down, manipulated, and devalued. I study 24/7 and just give people free answers it seems. They want to hang out for emotional sympathy and answers about why things happen. No more helping. I can’t without feeling used.

[@AshaJacob]

You're amazing for standing up for yourself! I totally understand the guilt. Unhealthy environments has a way of making you feel guilty for having self-respect. It's going to suck at first, but you'll eventually reach a place where you'll feel fantastic and easily brush off feelings of guilt.

[@kamalfashina4775]

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you.

[@jcharmaine1]

You know at this point dont feel bad whenever they try to make you feel guilty there just trying to act the victim

[@charlydatduclai7734]

Never feel bad for standing up for yourself, but you shouldn’t yell either. You need to speak to your mom and tell her how you feel, and if she doesn’t want to listen, set up the consequences and be really serious about them.

[@gypsyaspen1297]

Mother's is relTed physical creaTo r dathwr related . They raised you by their choice you open something or you need to res ppl ectopic position. Do they? They are cause ! For their own reasons? You are c receiver and effect zip si learn and move on.you are not her for them.

[@beingpallavi3272]

Thanks. It feels like these unhappy people ( they won't admit)who are incapable of love - gives birth to a child & then tortures the child for lifetime in the name of Love. That's why being an adult "SELF-LOVE" is more important to understand between real love & artificial love to build better relationships without yourself & others.

[@mwsmith8100]

I take issue with the very basic premise that "We don't owe our parents ANYTHING"

[@leelou36]

what do you think a child owes?....and in what circumstances are those debts excluded?

[@mariedziadek432]

The gift of life itself

[@mariedziadek432]

That you were not aborted or abandoned.

[@leelou36]

many are abandoned...so, then what?@@mariedziadek432

[@lewisburton1852]

@@mariedziadek432 We humans see things as work=reward but this not the case with kids. You decide to have them it’s a job with no reward at the end of anything your reward is seeing them happy, healthy adults that fend for themselves with the love and support you provided not because the the kids OWE us anything. If children do reciprocate out of love as the video said then you were a true parent.

[@JohnSmith-bm6zg]

My mother and father are the kind of people I would try to deliberately avoid in society.

[@NarcatasCor]

That is EXACTLY how my mother spoke to me. Always guilt tripping me that I dont love her and now my sister has borderline and I think my mother doesnt even get that it is most probably mainly because of her.

[@AshaJacob]

Almost always they don't realize how toxic they're being. They're just reacting to their own trauma. It's important for you to prioritize your mental health first. I hope you and your sister are doing alright.

[@NarcatasCor]

@@AshaJacob Thank you. Kind of I guess

[@charmaynejoseph8550]

Thank you for your to the point and informative commentary. This video has helped to console me after just now having an explosive exchange with my mom about my parenting choices and her imposing guilt on me for not doing things the way she would have me do them. I had to stand my ground and assert my boundaries and walk off and it didn’t feel good, it felt uncomfortable and shameful but it was necessary for my own self worth and mental stability

[@birdieculture]

Absolutely agree. Side note: I have a (ex)friend who I once said hi to, she asked if I have kids, I said no, and she immediately ignored me since. I really think some parents really are so scared these days that their guilt tripping from previous generations won't work anymore, they immediately have to cut people who are non parents off their circles.

[@MrSensualEducation]

As a parent of 2 now, my take of this is either your ex friend is drowning in their kids and they forgot to get back to you or assume because you don’t have kids you won’t want to be close with them. Until you have kids, you will never get it. No one without kids does. Don’t take it personally. The simplest things like waking up in the morning, brushing your teeth, getting in the car all takes 10x more effort with kids. I forget to get back to people, and if those people decide to take it personally, then I’ll forget about them too. Not grudge-fully, just because I got way too many other things going on to give a shit.

[@paolavesco5516]

This. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I needed to hear this today. To all of us struggling with guilt tripping, we are worthy of love, respect, and trust. We will find our way. Keep fighting!

[@blitzkrieg6872]

My elderly mother is a SAINT!!!!! She only gave true love. Never guilt. I love you mama. I love you so much for the rest of your life.

[@AshaJacob]

That's so sweet ❤️

[@cheese7119]

I'M CRYING PLEASE TELL THAT TO MY DAD PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE SAVE ME I'M 18 PLEASE...I can't escape ... please..

[@rxselxrd2996]

Hi Asha, this is my first time seeing this video. Thank you so much for validating my feelings. The worst part is, I have parents who will do anything for me but also treat me like this. This has caused me to second guess myself, guilt trip myself, and have low self esteem. I get called cruel, mean, hard-hearted, and judgemental by my mother when I make subtle comments about how I don’t want to be treated this way. I desperately want to move out.

[@SSShingetsu]

Move out. I'm the same as you and i will just borrow loads of money and move out tomorrow. Hope you suceed

[@rxselxrd2996]

I'm so sorry we're both experiencing this. I graduate university in May, and I hope to be accepted into a paid summer internship (includes housing, paid transportation) that I will apply for in January. I might just say fuck it and move out, even though I had planned to wait until I have more money. My mental health is being harmed though, so I may decide to give up money in exchange for my mental health/peace of mind this time. I hope you find peace and success 🖤

[@SSShingetsu]

mental health is no joke, it made me dropped out of university and spent the next 5 years accomplishing almost nothing ( covid happened but still ). I'm 24 rn and looking back at my old day as a passionate & talented art creative. It's just felt so awful to look at my current self.@@rxselxrd2996

[@wish-56]

Wait so u mean u told your parents you wanted to move out, they called you cruel? But at the same time they are acting kind to you

[@Bobisprettycool]

Guilt tripping favorite horse of my mom😂 She start from very beginning, from moment I was born, I already owe her so much 😱

[@JungkookBestBoy1]

lmao😂🤦🏻‍♀️

[@bluedeer4425]

i hate it so much. my dad is so "hot and cold", he's so unpredictable and scary. he says that my mom left her job because of me. he wants me to be independent despite not letting me take basic care of myself. both my parents are so overprotective and dont let me grow up to be my own person. then. i hate it so much. i feel like i owe them good grades, money, time, etc. they never seem to be proud of me and i feel like a disappointment. i feel useless and worthless. ive been carrying around this 'guilt' from when i was 8-9 years old and i never could uncover what it truly is. this big giant baggage of guilt that never seems to go away. at times i feel as if im being dramatic and spoiled, that i should be grateful my parents aren't as bad as they could be. but idk, it hurts. it hurts to see that they are never satisfied with me and are never happy with me. it hurts to carry this mysterious gross bag of guilt everywhere. it hurts to have this void inside me and not have a sense of purpose.

[@FactsCountdown]

You don't owe anything to your parents as you didn't asked to be born and they choose to have kids so they owe you everything for bringing you into this cruel world.

[@jaylatee9888]

Currently going through this. I come from a low class family of poverty. It’s constantly “I paid all the bills and no one want to help me, I’m a single mom this,” yes I do want to give my mom money and pay rent” even since a young child that’s all I heard. I’m barley making ends meet myself I can’t even think about saving for college bc she wants money. I do plan on helping w rent as soon as I get this second job, I’ve been living check to check and cut down all my expenses so I can have more left over and start giver her money, it’s just to shut her up until I move out on my own. I feel like such a burden to her honestly. I constant have to hear “u don’t pay bills” as if I’m not trying to figure it out and increase my income. It definitely put a damper on our relationship but she won’t see it that way. She has nothing to offer her kids but wants help from them.

[@deborahemmanuel2381]

How old are you? If over 18yrs then "Pay for your bed & board" actually in the UK at 13 you can work minimum hours to help your single mother out🙆

[@Mochi-re8cv]

dude i thought i owe my parents something tyy

[@MjMori4444]

It's not about whether i owe them or not. I want to see them happy, but it seems like i am the one who has to make plans to make sure they are enjoying their life. I feel guilty for spending time with myself when i see them getting stuck in similar routine for days and months. This guilt trio is draining me and i truly hate this feeling

[@AshaJacob]

I completely know how you feel. In these types of situations it's so important to strike a balance between taking care of them and giving them a bit of tough love to teach them how to be independent. Oftentimes they're so much more capable than they realize and it's on us to show them that. In a way, it's our turn to parent them :)

[@briannebush2145]

I really needed to hear this because for years I had a parent borrowing money from me. They downplay that I have helped them and act like the money I chose to give wasn't enough. I had to set boundaries this year especially because my goals are behind due to their financial irresponsibility.

[@billliona]

Thank you for creating this video! This topic should be more talked about so that those guilt-tripping parents learn from their actions and do what's right... and I hope the young parents who are watching this would be aware of it

[@inconveniencestore_]

19 and chronically ill. Parents completely do not think anything is wrong with me so, Im trying to work over my trauma and move out so I can finally have a space where I can care for myself properly.

[@jayviensam2001]

I'm 22 and i realize as you get older you realize whos the problem of the parents. I understand parents are not perfect but they can change that. Seeing my parents everyday since i luve with them made me wanna get myself together so i can move, it's the best happy way to distance. So there won't be no bickering and tension.

[@Chaintra]

My mom is the sweetest human being, she is so caring and cares for animals ect. However; so many things didn’t add up growing up in the way she was always expecting me to worship her goodness and what a wonderful person she is and the sacrifices she made to offer me the life she did. As I grew up and went to live on my own whenever I was visiting her (because she lives in another city) she will love bomb me with cleaning and taking care of me, when all I asked for is to have a normal relationship with her with laughter and NOT so much effort from her side. Because mind you whatever she does for me (cleaning cooking even making a cup of tea) she will have to explain me in details all the lengths and effort she went through to do it, and I was kind of over it, because I didn’t asked for these things and I could take care perfectly fine for myself. Years went by and I took care of her financially spoiled her in any way possible to see that it wasn’t enough and she always wanted more from me especially emotionally which kind of set me off and made me distanced from her especially on the emotional side. Now she is visiting me and my husband in a different country. All she does is cleaning and “taking care “ of us and she went into great length to clean my bedroom, and I felt as of my privacy was violated and told her to please enjoy her time and not have to do that much because it was really unnecessary and made me and my husband feel a bit uneasy. Ofcourse she was hurt and wanted to guilt trip me with her “goodness” and took it to such extend by making a sad lie and involving other’s (her sister) into it that she has to go back to her country and if I could book her ticket ASAP. I confronted her gently with the fact that her excuus wasn’t true and asked if she really wanted to go that fast because the tickets now are so expensive but they will be less in 10 days from now, which she replied I can give you my golden bracelet (that I gifted her when she arrived here) to sell and by her the ticket, I told her to keep her bracelet and that the message was well received and bought her the ticket and she is leaving in 2 days. Despite the fact that it feels like such smack in the face the way she is playing the victim role and wanting to end her trip on such a sad note I feel relieved by finally understanding the dynamics of this relationship. Because I always felt guilty on why I couldn’t feel her genuine love when at the surface she is doing all the right things!

[@phenitagomes1292]

Wow

[@lewisburton1852]

I cut my mom out of my life. The last straw was when she stole money from me and didn’t feel an ounce of remorse actually, she felt entitled to that money. Narcissistic, bi-polar, her and my dad fought non-stop growing up. It actually has made me a better parent to understand my kids but those baggage’s I carry are heavy I’m slowly letting them go.

[@rubyaddiman2181]

My mom has never asked me for nothing but I took the best care of her because of love. She passed away now and am glad I did.

[@Boxing-du9sn]

A life changing video, these explanations are liberating to the dogma fed to us in the name of tradition, religion, morals and what not. Nothing worse than parents who procreate in order to have kids tied firmly to a leash.

[@CoCo-yv3hl]

My mother abandoned us.. we have been reunited as adults. She never admitted to wrong doings nor apologized. Yet she expects birthday gifts, Mother’s Day gifts & us to keep the relationship going because she just turned 60 & is a self proclaimed elder 😂. Um she’s lucky I talk to her. I can forgive the childhood abandonment but the lies drama sabotage & mess she has done since I’ve been an adult is enough to make me never speak to her again. I’m actually secretly planning to move to a different state. She thinks we’re supposed to live near her. Like how can we as adults (myself & my 3 siblings) owe her so much when we were kids & she gave us nothing because she left us & we were all separated & I was burdened to care for my younger sister & be responsible for her. It’s a no for me.

[@huaikhek]

This helps me alot ,i am so grateful .Now i find the courage to live the life for myself,thank you❤ I do always felt guilty and miserable 😖 for not being able to help my parents in a certain way.Thank you so much.I love them and i wanted them to be happy but now i know ifi wanted to give them happiness,i should be happy first,and for that i would need to live ny own life first.Thank you so much❤

[@thespiralingshapes]

Thank you for this video. My parents often cited other more grateful children to justify the guilt trips, and lately I've puzzled through the exact distinction you made. We came to the same conclusion, which is reassuring in itself, and you stated it clearly and concisely. Thinking through the opposite dynamics between love and indebtedness regarding my own life spiraled around for hours til I was sick whenever I puzzled through it, so a clear explanation in 5 minutes makes a big difference.

[@David_Goman]

Wow. This video was Godsent if you ask me. Thank you, Coach Asha! To God be the glory!

[@cloud8315]

Thank you for this video...I so needed to hear your words at this point in my life💞

[@bottomsupbarmaid1987]

I tell my children all the time that I am go grateful I get to take care of them and cook for them and do what I can to make them happy and healthy and loved. They already now as children say that they plan to care for us when they grow up. It’s so sweet, I don’t expect it but only hope that they want to have me in their life and their children’s lives so I can love them in the same way too.

[@AshaJacob]

Exactly! If you parent with love and respect, your children will naturally want to go above and beyond to take care of you as well. Guilt tripping is just a symptom of ineffective parenting.

[@CJ-or8vy]

For anyone blaming the kids, or even the adults .. and making the parents look innocent No one asked to be born, they brought us they beed to be responsible abd capabale to raise us good and keep us mentally healthy to say the least I still pitty my parents and love them a little bit eventhough I have never felt I worthy or I am loved, never known what childhood and teenage years are .. even my adulthood and my tweenties are being stolen from me while they keep trying to make me not leave the house. It is true that some people would act as victims and blame their parents and pretend they relate to this for some silly reasons, but that doesn't mean that there not actual victims who are still suffering from traumas and mental and physical chronic sicknesses and weaknesses. I am one of the victims and I just never talked about ut or show it. I just take the blame and stay quite. I am one of the children who have NEVER caused problems, study well, listen to their parents .. yet I am so miserable with my parents and that means something is wrong right and that's why this video and these comments exist. Not to just blame the parents flr no reason but just to state the obvious. I know they brought us to exsistence which can be so great to some and so selfish to others, but even if we should be thankful for that, that doesn't mean we can't blame them for what they do or have already done due to the lack of responsibilty or even humanity. So yeah, I am one of the victims. I am 26 years old now and I never slept out of home or stayed outside and one day I stayed a little late trying to study with a bigger guy my dad said "why you stayed with him till now , are you letting him f*ck you !" I wanted to kill myself. Never engaged in a fight and brought problems to my parents. And take this too, never asked them for money ever, so I would wear clothes that are yares and years old or wear whatever my parents brought me .... what did I get in return for being so nice kkd ! Severe depression, body disphormia and anxeity and stress that still live with me in my midlle tweenties .. my first and biggest bullies was my parents to the point were I was grabbed by my man boobs so hard and cursed or getting laughed at by my parents in front of my siblings or the big family members, told I need a bra in front of my friends and that gave them the right to bully me for years, my parents DAILY fights and hate to eachother made me and my siblings super depressed and always stressful and can't handle noises, my mom's daily crying about our financial situation gave me a huge responsibility to the point I didn't study what I wanted just to find a job as quick as possible and now they ascept me to do everything for them and make their dreams come true as soon as possible they don't care ... I could go on and on and on And btw, I was fired three months from my first job because I am just too slow due to my depression and anxeity and I saved some moeny and can't say to my parents that I no longer working they would blame the sh/t out of me and made me more sick .. I needed that job to save more money to move out, but I need healing first. With all this, my younger siblings are becoming just as depressed and stressed as me because our parents are so ignorant they think that a family is producing children abd good larents are the ones who don't saperate abd bring food on the table and that's it. They can do, act, say whatever they want.

[@LilacThePlant]

Honestly atp guilt-tripping parents are just desperate to feel or look like they're good parents smh

[@setphaser]

My mum guilted me because she’s a narcissist… it is crazy hard to not be there for her with alzheimers. But she has sucked so much out of me, I need to stay away, it exhausts me even imagining planning to be near her. even just the memory of it crushes me. I recommend you list qualifications when posting these kinds of videos.

[@Setapartbeliever]

Wow, I needed to see this. Thank you so much for this video.

[@oroderes]

Thank you so much, I literally got called sick in the head, incredibly selfish and mentally ill for not being grateful enough for my overly anxious helicopter parents! It's still hard for me to understand what happened, and why I ended up suffering so much to the hands of people who pretended they gave me "everything" and always had my best interest in mind, while they were just trying to soothe their anxiety, at the cost of my development.

[@AshaJacob]

I'm so sorry you've had to experience that, and I'm so happy you've got a new perspective on why you feel the way you feel. One that doesn't paint you as dysfunctional. Helicopter parents rarely behave that way intentionally as they're usually acting out of their own truama and anxieties. But it's so important to not let that blindside you to the reality that their actions are harmful towards you. It can be so easy to be misled by the idea that "they're doing everything for me" as a positive thing. I hope you're starting to see things clearly now and have started your journey of healing. Hugs!

[@oroderes]

@@AshaJacob Thank you! ♥ It's still hard to believe I'm justified, but talking to people outside of the family and acting out of intuition and what I globally feel and perceive of the situation have been helpful! Also, as a clarification for anyone who'd be reading the comments: I don't believe in the worth of using words like "crazy" and "sick in the head", these are my parents' words, not mine, and they used those to wash their hands of the state of their child's mental health by claiming I was just born like this and this was my identity, and that nothing I could say about the situation was of value. It's a little embarrassing to talk about all of this in YT comments, but reading them has been helping me, so I want to contribute as well :) To anyone reading this: take care, and allow yourself to listen to your heart a little more 🫂

[@catherinebirch2399]

All to many parents think that simply giving someone life means that that person is beholden to them for life, and expecting gratitude and a a slave to wait on them hand and foot when they get old.

[@aperturefilm]

Thank you, I was feeling very down and doubtful about myself and thought it was all me but I see now. Thanks again.

[@ziggy8253]

Family only makes me feel bad; even when I’m just thinking about my family, I feel bad. I don’t need that in my life.

[@nishavasudevan]

My parents are both narcissistic and i don't feel like spending time with them at all..they were never emotionally supportive and trying to emotionally control even though i am an adult with my own kid now

[@AshaJacob]

I'm so sorry, Nisha. I hope you've created strong boundaries and give yourself space to grieve the parents you needed, but never had.

[@nishavasudevan]

@@AshaJacob but the system in India is different from the western countries. Here they help us in many things n we are supposed to stay close to them. So it's kind of complex n cannot just walk away .

[@1118moonlight]

Thank you for your wisdom during such a changing world

[@hadikallas1136]

I totally agree with all that you said. Unfortunately, in some cultures, it's not even an option for someone to leave their parents due to tradition and most importantly due to religions. It's too sad that even if you search the same topic from religious sources, they will tell you to be appreciative to your parents because they bring you to life and no matter what you do you won't be able to repay them. No F***ng sense at all. It's like religions never talk about the side effects of toxic behaviors. This even causes more guilt. Again, only for people living in certain cultures, not everyone. I'm not a religious person and I need to get out as soon as possible. The only thing holding me back is finding a job.

[@AshaJacob]

I totally agree. I'm currently making a video on how to heal when living in asian cultures. It's impossible to move out or place firm boundaries without being extremely disrespectful. I understand the predicament.

[@benzo_vamp]

Thank you seriously. I feel like I was going insane . I’m glad I’m im normal

[@Risingdawn]

As a parent who has adult children who think I owe them something. I just want to assert the same is true for parents of adults. Parents no longer owe their adult children anything either. Being in debt is not a healthy relationship dynamic in any relationship.

[@AshaJacob]

Completely agreed, Lisa. It's one thing to feel grateful and want to give to the other person. It's entirely different when the feeling is "debt".

[@simply.patsy.3946]

Thank you so much for this video, I appreciate you! 🙂👍

[@samuri2011]

You don't know how much good this video did for me .... My mom has cancer. And I'm so scared about loosing her. But she refuses to do some of the necessary healing in her journey. And she keeps guilt tripping us into feeling responsible for her decisions and being, as you said, an emotional dumping ground for her trauma... It's really fuqn me up and now I'm trying to heal this in me and my heart.

[@phillipsjuan3871]

Same

[@simply.patsy.3946]

Stay strong

[@unknownboy8202]

I'm a 18 yo boy and my parents never let me go out with my friends. And they also ask why am I an introvert and why I can't talk to people easily.

[@rickm6232]

You are spot on. Thank you!

[@Gforu81]

I needed this!

[@baddieali4476]

My dad says I owe him because he fed and raised me, he’s super narcissistic and thinks if you don’t do what he wants you to do, he will say oh you don’t respect me , say you’re going to hell. He will continuously talk smack about you to everyone and anyone.

[@PurpleCoral]

Since I was in school, both of my parents would list down how much money I owe them. Tuition fees, books, stationery, extra classes, food, clothes. Etc. I still feel like i am buried in their debt, and cant move.

[@DrPhilGoode]

You shitting me?? That’s Fcked up.

[@eluz8856]

Thank you for this video 💜

[@jammyjay917]

Hope everyone out there can start living your own lives....I'm only just beginning to after several years of people pleasing and the guilt trips.... best thing for me, was to move further away then they cant expect things from me all the time... we need to live our own lives and enjoy doing so 🥰🥰🥰

[@deborahemmanuel2381]

There's a fine and thin line between children with a high sense of "entitlement" and parents with a sense of " indebtedness" from their children. Love should be unconditional & reciprocal. Parents protect & provide for you when you're young, and in mutual best interest, Children assist their parents when they are old, frail and vulnerable. There's no perfect, non-dysfunctional and all-sufficient families, we all need each other. Let LOVE ❤ be out guiding light.

[@watch_ari2299]

Controlling + deciding what you're going to be in the future + will choose your course + will forcely ask for money contribution for the house expenses + will get mad if you didnt contribute 😊

[@coreywilson7326]

I freaking agree I don't owe them anything

[@aljazkolar]

I think i actually knew i was guilt tripped very early in childhood and i even got resentful toward my parents for it but after i would get humiliated, punished even beat so i had to learn to conform. I didn't know just how far can i be punished for resenting, maybe next time i'll just be left to starve and as a helpless child i did only thing i could i gave in to guilt trip. When got guilt tripped later as financially stable adult they were so suprised their eyes were popping out. They thought they "won" using guilt trips when in reality i felt literally choked for two decades.