Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash

[@herosshade2247]

"Voldemort, you're a very bad and mean wizard." Savage.

[@starlight6224]

*Hermione nodded encouragingly.*

[@coolkieyt]

Hermione: mhhMMMM-

[@薇vern]

Yeah! That’ll get him to stop!

[@Orimthekeyacolite]

Probably learned the line from Dobby, sounds like his style of trash talking

[@horhaythebigmacguy3836]

Voldemort: saw Harry and ate the school

[@kl3321]

I love how the Death Eaters aren't remotely evil in this, while the Trio are cannibalistic monsters.

[@sincerelyme1193]

This sentence is so oxymoronic I love it

[@pjbuilds4270]

Shale A 1 k like

[@missingsplash3961]

But the thought hermione forget how to dance!

[@Spiderpunkrocks]

Not remotely evil? One of them wears a shirt that's says "hermoine has forgotten how to dance" they're the meanest 😭

[@plaguerat7015]

They’re just giving each other kisses and clapping politely

[@hahabearseathoney]

Harry falling down the stairs yelling “I’m Harry Potter! The dark arts better be worried, oh boy!” is so funny

[@aliciajazmin9568]

It really is, that's my favourite part.

[@GabrielLucasGreen]

All summer

[@asheehan6456]

“A long pumpkin fell out of Mcgonnagal” was a personal favourite

[@annabelleyyyyyyyy]

all this reminds me of is baz pushing simon down the stairs in carry on

[@chingizzhylkybayev8575]

@@asheehan6456 SEVERAL

[@evandempsey7613]

I'm not sure which is more disturbing: the fact that Harry dipped Hermione in hot sauce and was going to eat her, or the fact that Voldemort had eyebrows.

[@daeseongkim93]

Evan Dempsey “eat her” (lenny face)

[@pitafish]

Ron already ate her family.

[@CodecrafterArtemis]

The fact that Harry, Ron and Hermione are seemingly aware of their status as main characters...

[@rosefairy4447]

eyebrows for me

[@januaryravelo4342]

@late4thegameNOW yeah W H O A, really? I thought Hermione was a Buffalo shrimp. Those bastards lied to me >:(

[@WaterMeLoan64]

*"Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself."* Such Writing. Such Narration.

[@randomknowledgeperson2872]

It’s so inspiring.

[@MANGOES1ARE1AWESOME1]

Much wow

[@Last_Person]

No Ron was wear a shirt that looked like him

[@lils426]

Last Person no, he was wearing a Ron shirt

[@shrimpymcswimmington728]

Speech 100

[@LuisOtavioFS193]

"They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was..." OH MY GOD LOOK HOW CLOSED THIS DOOR IS! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A DOOR SO CLOSED BEFORE IN MY LIFE!

[@CWINDOWSsystem32]

OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS DOOR SO CLOSED? WHY CAN'T IT BE A SMALL ORB INSTEAD?

[@sparklediamond4169]

THIS IS WAYYYYY TOO CLOSED ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO UNCLOSE IT OMG IM SCARED HELP ME UNCLOSE THIS DOOR ITS TOO CLOSED HOW ARE WE EVER GONNA OPEN IT?

[@vedanshbudhia8148]

I'm dying 😂😂

[@sharmilibegum3074]

*CLOSED IS CLOSED*

[@ender4344]

THIS DOOR IS THE CLOSEDEST THING IVE EVER SEEN OMG IVE NEVER SEEN SUCH A CLOSED DOOR IN MY LIFE WHY IS IT SO CLOSED WAAA

[@Shayan-xf3wp]

"To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds." R.I.P. Ronald's last shred of dignity.

[@dynawesome]

That sentence is actually really good I feel like it could be used when writing a psychopath or something similar

[@oceanman7176]

Dyn Awesome yeah it’s good in a weird way

[@PyroGothNerd]

That sentence describes the film writers as they adapted and altered Ron's character.

[@gauntlettcf5669]

But he's always been the handsome one ***let's see who's the handsome one if I dip Hermione in this sauce***

[@sallomon2357]

At least the spiders he's consisting of might subtitute his dignity

[@supremeoverlord0]

"We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us." Every main protagonist with plot armor.

[@marshmallowallen5677]

JoJo’s: are you sure about that

[@justyourfriendlyneighborho903]

Dumbledore: Am I a joke to you Jason from trials of appolo: am i a joke to you

[@kaijupants9095]

The first artificial AGI is produced, it's goals are beneficial to us without overstepping it's bounds. It basically becomes a superhero that stops basic crimes using copies of itself on various scales all across the globe to monitor everyone but it's a black box so nobody can say for sure what goes on in it's head but itself. It decides it wants to play a game of D&D, everyone stays alive but gets to have a fun game for the day and wake up the next morning refreshed. We realize our new god is a teenager.

[@supremeoverlord0]

@@justyourfriendlyneighborho903 Ouch bro, didn't get to ToA yet. ;_;

[@supremeoverlord0]

@@kaijupants9095 Haha

[@themimsy]

“The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: ‘You are Hagrid now.’”

[@cyborgcatrj6794]

This is my favourite line.

[@tomasr.2945]

Maybe "Hagrid" Is like the Dread Pirate Roberts or James Bond: a transferable name given by Dumbledore to whatever tickles his fancy.

[@thewanderingmistnull2451]

*pig

[@xtinydemon7631]

You *are* Hagrid now.

[@mallory1304]

@@tomasr.2945 But only the Dread Pirate Roberts can give his name to his successor! So are you saying Dumbledore was the Hagrid before the Pig of Hufflepuff?!

[@theellafant67]

Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. That's probably why he fell down the stairs for the rest of the summer. He couldn't see where he was going.

[@luciusabraxasmalfoy-snape1031]

And we all about Hogwarts staircases

[@jamlordjammedup937]

What about when Harry “looked around” before falling down a rotating corkscrew of a staircase

[@theellafant67]

jamlord jammedUp maybe he was looking around the forest where his eyes were

[@jamlordjammedup937]

The EllaFant that is a very fair point

[@ananr.2936]

See, consistency! It all comes together in the end...

[@MFO86]

"Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest." Even if Voldemort is standing right behind you, that is indeed a great overreaction.

[@gandalfthegrey2171]

The bizarre thing is I feel like you can still distinctly appreciate how Harry, Ron and Hermione still retain elements of their origin character.

[@misterbadguy7325]

Yeah, a lot of the charm is just that you can see all of Rowling's character tics and writing preferences and word choices, but they're just complete nonsense. It genuinely feels like a Harry Potter book read while having a stroke.

[@-Teague-]

@@misterbadguy7325 which I'm assuming you know from experience?!

[@TheMike0088]

"The Dursleys had never been to the castle and they were not about to come there in *Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash*. when you're short on the required amount of words in your essay, so you're stretching it JUST a little.

[@gerardohernandez7099]

That’s what makes this AI so terrifying though. It’s seem to be well aware of just how ridiculous this story is.

[@festethephule7553]

@@gerardohernandez7099 It comes across as satire. That's absurd.

[@cometkite]

​@@gerardohernandez7099 This story was written by human comedians. The only "AI" part of this was a predictive text keyboard used to suggest words to use based on the source text. See medium.com/botnik/what-is-botnik-and-how-did-they-write-that-weird-collegehumor-video-1d381df14091 for a description of the process.

[@miguelthealpaca8971]

Loki: I was falling FOR THIRTY MINUTES!!! Harry: That's cute!

[@Federico-mj3si]

Loool

[@EarlyModernUrmat]

"I fell for hours" -Luigi

[@westingtyler1]

Don't forget Bill and Ted in Bogus Journey. But that was a relatively short fall.

[@masterchicken4586]

are we forgetting about percy and annabeth They fell for 9 days

@@EarlyModernUrmat woah, hours is a long time

[@chiriko7335]

“Harry realized Voldemort was behind him and overreacted greatly.” Me: “hmmm can you really overreact when you realize Voldemort is right behind you?” “Harry tore his eyes out and threw them in the forest.” Me: “Ok yeah that’s an overreaction.”

[@thecanadianamateur1129]

Kind of a smart tactic, maybe Harry’s trying ti convince him that he’s too mad to kill. For a second, I pictured what Voldemort would say to this... who came up with this story??

[@redapple7383]

@@thecanadianamateur1129 Botnik. It was randomly written by an Artificial Intellagence (AI)

[@Zyk0th]

@@thecanadianamateur1129 You know how your phone has predictive text when sending a text message that learns what you type often? It's kinda like that, except trained on every Harry Potter book, and probably a good deal more advanced than your phone's, so that it can actually form a semi-cohesive story.

[@siddharthiyer7244]

@@Zyk0th "semi" being the operative word

[@weirdbeard2244]

@@siddharthiyer7244 Although it has fairly good memory for this type of stuff, such as remembering that Harry thought Ron was handsome.

[@chetooisasillyloser6661]

I wonder why they never adapted this book into a movie.

[@kurimzon]

Probably was the title

[@zachm1123]

Well, it was just written. They're probably just making the script and getting everything ready.

[@evilxd4]

hell, do an sfm/blender animation adaptation of this. the lulz would be glorious

[@edgarbanuelos6472]

Directed by David Lynch. Tommy Wiseau is the new Snape. And with John Williams still doing the film score.

[@zachm1123]

Edgar Banuelos I don't know, feels like a Danny Elfman job to me.

[@psybovine]

Ron was going to be spiders. HE JUST WAS.

[@RemixedVoice]

omygodsword So poetic.

[@uhhhhey6855]

BEEF WOMEN

[@andrewlance3898]

@Maya Aguilar But it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done

[@thatguitarist7]

There's nothing we can do about that

[@starlight6224]

FACTS

[@liminal_lavender]

"Voldemort you're a very bad and mean wizard" Harry savagely said.

[@siddharthiyer7244]

SAVAGE. Such a madlad.

[@KroutonCing]

Destruction 100

[@catherder6552]

Said Dumbledore, Calmly.

[@mrcra2y166]

5 yr olds roasting each other be like

[@Dextroyfuller]

That's it. They've done it. They've boiled the style of bad fanfic writing down to its absolute essence.

[@AnoAssassin]

"fell down a spiral staircase for the rest of the summer" Knowing Hogwarts that's likely possible, and hilarious

[@oliverbrooker882]

Bewitch dumbledore's staircase to be infinite

[@APersonOnYouTubeX]

@@oliverbrooker882 dumby would be confused af

[@japzone]

This is like some really weird dream sequence.

[@RemixedVoice]

japzone To me, it sounds like a Harry Potter book was translated into Chinese , then back to English, then back to Chinese, then back to English again; using Google translate only.

[@gemferg]

interesting observation.

[@JaimeNyx15]

Dreams are just procedurally-generated reality, so this makes sense.

[@hahaohno329]

japzone I KNOW IT DOES

[@devinward461]

japzone it's like you took every single Pensieve(or however you spell that) and poured them all together into a bathtub then stuck your head in it

[@reloadpsi]

"Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself" sounds like it was taken straight out of My Immortal.

[@vollmond9342]

what's My Immortal?

[@reloadpsi]

@@vollmond9342 Look up "My Immortal dramatic reading" right here on KZbin. You're in for a treat.

[@vollmond9342]

@@reloadpsi Jesus Christ, now I'm scared

[@takeabowtothemoon]

@Vollmond good luck. you’re going to need it.

[@vollmond9342]

@@takeabowtothemoon I've never cracked up so bad in my life, that fucking piece of garbage is a masterpiece

[@BeaneCat]

This sounds like an actual dream. Frick.

[@kl3321]

BeaneCat it's like they created a software that perfectly reflects the bizarre logic of dreams.

[@kl3321]

BeaneCat like, things seem random but they're not TOTALLY random, you know there's some pattern or meaning there but it's impossible to figure out.

[@devinward461]

BeaneCat beef women

[@SpaghettiToaster]

Took James Joyce 20 years... meme bot does it in a mouse click lol

[@blankyboi1040]

@@devinward461 thank

[@SymonSighs]

*"We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us."* There. Harry Potter summarized.

[@niydfass1060]

*She's

[@n-extrafries-surprise]

That’s Shounen tier plot armor man.

[@megabuster3940]

The Ultimate McNugget Nagi Harry Potter IS posh british shounen.

[@devinward461]

Symon too accurate

[@mrflibble1259]

There's two comments on this video with over 1000 likes which are baisically identical, this is one of them but which one came first?

[@mr.tambourine739]

_"Ron was going to be spiders. He just was."_ This is almost philosophical

[@JohnDoe-bs4we]

*You are Hagrid now.*

[@tiaaaron3278]

Grindelwald to Credence:"You are Dumbledore now."

[@supernovagamer929]

But we're all Hagrid... deep down inside.

[@yelly11]

reminds me of it's all ogre now

[@jr.jackrabbit10]

Sounds like a prompt for a text adventure game

[@kkronkk]

"I'm a what??" -Harrygrid

[@Phil9874]

This reads like the writer and the characters are in disagreement

[@stotab8700]

Dr. Gearswell it was written by an AI

[@corasundae]

It wasn't. It was written by people, using a predictive keyboard that would suggest words assuming that their writing style was a Harry Potter book. Which is why you'll get random things like "Harry dipped Hermione in hot sauce," and then a coherent explanation for that a sentence later.

[@nicholaspeters1400]

Just wait until the characters find some of the uh… Unique fanfiction written about them.

[@nathnathn]

Nicholas Peters or a crack fic. “Essentially story’s that work on the same mechanics as looking at the train crash” I.e so crazy you cant look away.

[@saintwest2729]

I'm actually surprised nobody's talking about that gentle couple of Death Eaters, to me it was like the best ship in the whole HP series.

[@futuza]

I like how all the other Death Eaters are randomly watching and politely applaud for them.

[@iancameron8391]

Harry’s group are the real psycopaths

[@sarahholman2570]

Ironically, Harry, Ron and Hermione chanting "We're the only people that matter. He's never going to get rid of us!" actually sums up the Harry Potter series pretty well. ^_^

[@lucasmillerthelewderofloli9327]

Do they? It's all about Dumbledore and Grindewald's intense sexual relationships now from what I've heard. ( Cursed Child doesn't matter )

[@Jenacide]

@@lucasmillerthelewderofloli9327 "intense sexual relationships" lol, k

[@lucasmillerthelewderofloli9327]

@@aevum6667 How was I overreacting? I was just making a point the OG trio doesn't matter anymore in a humorous way. Sensitive much?

[@lucasmillerthelewderofloli9327]

@@aevum6667 I honestly don't give a shit, I never cared about Fantastic Beasts.

[@evol5765]

Phrónēsis She’s a transphobe.

[@YBlvr]

I love how this went from cannibalistic horror to Death Eater fanfiction to an AU fight with Voldemort, and then concluded with Harry falling down some stairs for an entire summer.

[@sethhowell3067]

VL (YBlvr) that's just Wednesday at hogwarts

[@bonjoviwankenobi8533]

I want to see the AU where Voldemort has eyebrows

[@lapaba1236]

Warned you about those stairs bro

[@olivegarnish6162]

Coma theory colorized 1999.

[@lochness5524]

I have been falling down the stairs... for 30 days

[@ks_cerealkiller]

"We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us." Every main character ever.

[@changednamelit]

Harry's jealousy towards Ron lmao Ron was like a bird, Harry didn't like birds. Harry: "Ron's the handsome one." Ron: *flinches* Harry: "Not so handsome now."

[@cucumbersoda]

**dips Hermionie in hot sauce**

[@janecat8753]

@@cucumbersoda kinky

[@luthient2605]

@@janecat8753 nononononono

[@hello-ie8so]

@@janecat8753 i hate you

[@xtinydemon7631]

@@janecat8753 hahahaha

[@DerpiestGameBlast]

My friends dreams: I dated my crush My dreams:

[@exelltori7328]

Couldn't have put it better 😐

[@ender4344]

The truest thing I've seen

[@r_sebud]

✨Accurate✨

[@mr.mustard3420]

Your friend looked at you and ate his crush's whole family?

[@legrandliseurtri7495]

My dream: I adopted a tarantula

[@tesscs79]

"Ron was going to be spiders. He just was.” *Why can't we have a backstory behind this?* Okay a small edit, people are telling me he just was, but some are also saying different stuff. I am very confused.

[@bluewolfgaming7782]

AuzEdits no back story. He just was

[@MelloMathTeacher]

I mean, it is "Chapter Thirteen." Perhaps they explained it earlier, or will do so later.

[@xtinydemon7631]

*He just was*

[@xtinydemon7631]

@@tesscs79 maybe screaming Beef Woman will unlock the door to the answer

[@cheeselord8451]

*he just was*

[@okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

_"We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us."_ my god, they've become self-aware

[@Samlesglace]

"The dark arts better be worried, oh boy!" The eight movies summarized in one sentence

[@stevemorton6702]

He says whilst falling down a flight of stairs for an entire summer

[@jacobbiggs7956]

One word for every movie!

[@beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeet3232]

And 7 books

[@franceskinskij]

books>>>>>>>>>>>>movies

[@olymolly3637]

When AI behaves like an awkward but friendly alien trying to emulate story-telling so it can appeal to human readers.

[@gobalbucs]

Aw ☺️

[@exelltori7328]

That's actually quite accurate 😂

[@xtinydemon7631]

It works

[@vizthex]

Holy fuck you're right.

[@TotallyNotSena]

Very cute, I'll allow it.

[@Limrasson]

"What did you do this summer?" "Fell down some stairs."

[@rarebeeph1783]

"Anything... Else?" "Nope."

[@EvilDoresh]

Knowing Hogwarts, the Infinite Summer Staircase might be an actual thing _somewhere_.

[@alonazar8116]

"Well, i looked down, i guess. but mostly the stairs."

[@chuckleshelicopterwigwamjo7315]

Test Pattern I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS HARRY

[@RikoZerame]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/qGerm4qDqdFkhrs

[@jothamsmith2658]

I like how there is a coherent story structure and some well done bits of continuity under all this mess.

[@thegodofalldragons]

Jotham Smith There were some human editors involved who compiled all the random sentences into the final product.

[@corasundae]

It is a predictive keyboard, after all. If you go on the site, it gives you a bunch of words you can click on, but if you want, you can also type your own words. Which is why there is continuity after Harry discards his eyes (when the narration points out that he can no longer see), etc.

[@alonazar8116]

yeah not at all like i'd expect an auto-completion AI to work. i would expect the sentences to make sense individually but the story to have no continuity.

[@themimsy]

Dumbledore: *puts hand on a pigs head who’s croaking like a frog* you are Hagrid now.

[@sparklediamond4169]

Im proud to say im a hufflepuff and my house animal is Hagrid

[@poisonpotato1]

"in the future humor will be randomly generated"

[@alexanderleonardi3625]

laughs in dwarf fortress

[@sagezilla08official]

WEED EATER

[@spencerfrankclayton4348]

VeggieTales

[@erin.artemis]

Tomato

[@AS-lu7gm]

I don't mind in the slightest, lol

[@mirandag7668]

THE DARK ARTS BETTER BE WORRIED OH BOI

[@MochachiiinoWorks]

OOf Ungh OOuch Ooof Ungh

[@Kinoksis]

(snaps neck from the stairs)

[@Madhattersinjeans]

He gave the dark arts a stern talking to there.

[@theredeft5319]

Miranda G that ending is amazing. Still probably better than actually living with the dursley's for a summer

[@ender7278]

I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!

[@TheGreenTaco999]

"I'm Harry Potter, the dark arts better be worried, oh boy!" Harry said calmly

[@NexusProductions-rz1sv]

Said calmly, while falling down an infinite set of stairs, and also missing his eyes.

[@guppy8073]

“Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself”

[@chickade64]

Literally my favorite line

[@_yuri]

Shadow_Owl242 has forgottten how to dance

[@naransolongoboldbayer8030]

Ron was going to be spiders. He just was

[@markkoetsier6475]

Still better than a Weasley jumper.

[@sasuke22dante]

it just was

[@bryan8602]

The thought of Voldemort having eyebrows is a more terrifying character design than the actual design.

[@Haedox]

this is such a good video with the sound effects

[@OrigamiAhsoka]

Right lmao

[@twinkiesmaster69]

He went the extra mile

[@Flowerbarrel]

“Harry dipped Hermione in hot sauce.” “Harry was hungrier than he’d ever been.” ...Don’t eat Hermione, Harry.

[@jammer523691aj]

@AT Productions Yeah, I just wanna eat her up ;)

[@autumn4442]

I mean, Ron already ate her family, so someone's gotta finish the job

[@Top_Hat_Man]

So Harry Used His Wand, And Dipped Hermione In A Giant Bucket Of Hot Sauce, And Then Ate Her?

[@DarkAdonisVyers]

R34 artists, get to work.

[@airjordan2302]

As someone. who ships harry and hermione, wants harry to eat hermione tmi ur welcome

[@Rachel-xf3op]

It's really cute how supportive the death eaters are of their friends' relationship

[@yoursaviorishere4365]

Harry: *rips his eyes out and chucks them into the forest* Voldemort, standing behind him: ...I- okay yeah, I’ll come back later

[@Oli.V]

This part always blows my mind because you’d think “oh the ai just forgot what eyes are” but then in the next line or so it mentions that Harry can’t see, so it knows full well what eyes are and that you can’t just throw them, but it wrote it anyway

[@azathoththeprimalchaos2289]

@@Oli.V actually ots not just an ai. Its like the anticompetitive in your phone, but trained on all the Harry Potter books, abd much more advanced. Wruters then used this predictive text ti create the funniest sentences they could, and thise were then compiled in the order that made the most sense.

[@aidan6620]

"So do you want to go back to the dursleys for the summer or fall down that cursed infinite staircase all summer instead?" Harry:

[@davidparkes7741]

Plus without eyes i don't think Harry could see the difference.

[@nosusinmybuss]

@@davidparkes7741 oh yes, hatprry portters is my favourite book series

[@davidparkes7741]

@@nosusinmybuss Mother#$%& damn it! How did i NOT see that before now? Lol. Ahh it's easily fixable though.

[@xtinydemon7631]

"I'm shoving your sound down an interdimensional staircase!" "No, all these soul stairs-"

[@ravennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn]

He saw Harry and *IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TO EAT HERMIONE'S FAMILY*

[@GodSkul]

A perfectly natural reaction.

[@dagnytheartist]

Tsk tsk, classic Ron 😏

[@NIL_1107]

Relatable

[@geekjokes8458]

BEEF WOMEN

[@dessindenfer1253]

Phoenix i mean , was there any other possible course of action ?

[@kierankelly5610]

Magic: it was something that Harry Potter thought was very good.

[@davidb5205]

"We're the only people who maaatter. He's never going to get rid of us!" - Harry Potter series, in a nutshell

[@ruffus4life]

this line seems so odd from everything else.

[@arcticfox4013]

dat 4th wall break

[@rerako4755]

The plot armor hath never shined so bright as Ron's Ron Shirt dipped in hot-sauce.

[@ratdiploma]

I despise how accurate this is

[@Ladondorf]

*Fandom

[@benjaminwilliams8030]

“Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall.”😳 Umm, should we be worried about McGonagall?

[@spawnofmutran5198]

A transfiguration experiment gone wrong, no doubt.

[@MoroFullmetal]

And why were the pumpkins long???

[@OrigamiAhsoka]

Don’t worry her poops were just very massive that time

[@bcubed72]

@@MoroFullmetal The pumpkins were long...and brown.

[@azathoththeprimalchaos2289]

@@MoroFullmetal because she's tall, duh

[@theredeft5319]

The ending is my favorite because of the mental image of Harry falling down the staircase for the whole summer and then yelling that he's Harry Potter and the dark arts better watch out oh boo! Also two of the lines are comedy gold for building on the previous line. The like about Harry not wanting to think about birds and then the line about Voldemort raising his eyebrows when Harry couldn't see them.

[@garrettcarter2959]

For the rest of the summer, mind you. Nothing but falling down the stairs for three months. He will have to sleep and go to the bathroom in this situation somehow.

[@101Volts]

Minus the possibility that it wasn't the beginning of Summer.

[@theredeft5319]

Jared Jams Haha now I want someone to draw a comic where he's falling down and dobby or some house elf has to make the food appear to him like in the great hall, but he has to catch it while he's falling down the stairs

[@clairegorsch6117]

There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation and school comes along just to end iiiit, so the annual problem of our generation is finding a good way to speend iiiit. Like maybe! Falling down the staircase for the whole summer.

[@jacobcaron2280]

Watch this animation. kzbin.info/www/bejne/rl7YdaGifK-Fms0

[@lionsarewhite]

"They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was."

[@dissmo706]

I know right? It should’ve been a small orb

[@olymolly3637]

"Oh, how this door is closed so tightly!!!" "It pains me to try to pry it open!! It's a closed door!" "I can't look at it! Too closed for comfort!"

[@derekchristenson5711]

I feel like this is an accidental analogy for something, perhaps for anything you want it to be. E.g., "Political discourse in 2020!"

[@peter-peterpumpkineater4982]

That feeling when you push a pull door

[@luthient2605]

@@dissmo706 Like Harry styles's eyes in every wattpad story ever

[@Caitilizzie]

I used the same site to write another Harry Potter chapter, and mine turned out pretty hilarious: Harry Potter and the pair of pinstriped trousers Chapter 30 it was a clear liquid day and Harry was struggling to keep his robes down. Meanwhile, Ron was sitting on his bedside trying desperately to make sense of the portraits of what looked like a long green steak. Then he turned around and was holding a large slice of birthday cake. “Harry,” he whispered. “I’m full of jangling metal.“ “Precisely,” Harry muttered. Then suddenly, Hagrid staggered over to the window and looked frightened. “Harry,” he shouted. “The bogey eaters are under the bed!” Harry could hardly believe what he heard. He looked at Ron and pulled him into a nearby grave. Ron immediately fell asleep and started vomiting flames. Then Hermione walked in looking rather bloody. She cried, “They discovered the entrance to the chamber of magical potatoes!” “No!” Harry muttered in disbelief. Then suddenly, a malicious voice echoed in the air. “Malfoy is our king and he is a little pink piggy!” Draco Malfoy pulled out his wand and looked down at Harry. He roared with laughter and flung a large chunk of sausage at Harry’s mouth. Edit: the site is Botnik for everyone wondering!

[@christiangay793]

That ending has Drarry shippers shaking.

[@xtinydemon7631]

Hahahaha

[@ConnorN22]

😂

[@reviathan3524]

🤣

[@afreen5058]

Malfoy is throwing his own kind at Harry. He is forcing Harry to eat his pig friends!

[@pascati9936]

The ultimate shitpost, coming to a bookstore near you.

[@DoctorMarvello]

I’d buy it

[@ratdiploma]

I would actually want a whole book of just this tbh

[@F1areon]

Oh boy, I can't wait!

[@AwesomeRara]

When hermionie yelled BEEF WOMAN, i felt that.

[@terrytheblackmage4799]

Harry: "feels a great overreaction" Also Harry: *rips his eyes out and throws them into the forest* I mean, yeah...that IS a pretty great overreaction

[@rerako4755]

Damn even the computer states the truth of plot armor so blatantly.

[@yanoryam]

I was holding it relatively together until the unexpected romance between two death eaters. Then I just lost it.

[@yatsumura7]

"You are Hagrid now" I can only imagine Dumbledore putting his hand on frog's head and saying that line as serious as if it was "you're a wizard Harry"

[@meridaskywalker7816]

It was also a pig that pulsed like a frog

[@StupidMarioBros1Fan]

The scary part is that there is an actual story here, it's not just a bunch of random gibberish with Harry Potter names. The robot was telling us a story.

[@markkoetsier6475]

It's not completely done by an AI, though. It was edited to make more coherent sense, and that's... well, that's saying something. :P Also, the AI is a predictive keyboard. Kinda AI but not really.

[@cassidy8307]

I'm pretty sure death eaters are clones of ron. Maybe someone casted a spell on him while he was eating hermione's family.

[@hank7281]

But does that say more about the capabilities of the predictive keyboards, or of the quality of the originals?

[@WiffGiff]

Mark Koetsier exCtly, it's a really good predictive keyboard. But in the program you can use your own words and you can chose up to 5 rows and 9 columns of predictive word options. You can simply tap the same box over and over, but then it's way too random. Good tool to write with, but it can't write by itself at all.

[@korsekil]

S P I D E R S

[@drusbasky]

"Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself"

[@XPimKossibleX]

This is what it feels like when you read a couple pages and realise you didn't pick any of it up

[@TheFutureAwaits]

"To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds" This is the most beautiful thing ever created.

[@n-extrafries-surprise]

Liking this new Harry Potter trailer

[@son_shogun9800]

The Ultimate McNugget Nagi *doubts in spanish*

[@hidbid1]

Knowing the books, 'Mr. Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost' does sound like something at Hogwarts.

[@SailorMars768]

"Dumbledore's hair scooted next to Hermione" STOP I CAN'T BREATHE

[@freebrickproductions]

I personally like that whole paragraph. It's filled with great sentences such as that one and "Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall."

[@AuroraKnux]

ShizukaLapis I lost it at that part.

[@willking1382]

"Ron threw a wand at voldemort and everyone applauded" r/thathappened

[@vivekanand9944]

It must have hit him hard. That's why

[@delaynamurrell1814]

r/andeveryoneclapped

[@littlemissfinch]

r/messedupredditcreations

[@a26lolheart60]

Ikr

[@Hacker_Kamyko]

Wait, who do I see here? Fellow REDDITORS?🎵 Hold up, Ring ting ting ting ting ting ting ting ting 🎵 Hello fellow Gamer boys 47, how's the grindin' going on duuuuuudes 🤙, **starts spinning in epic circles 😎 ** 🎵 Oh yeah yeah, Oh yeah yeah, Oh yeah yeah, Oh yeah yeah 🎵 **Dab** **Dab**. Have a nice day my fellow epic knights of gamingdom 🏴

[@MatthewSmith-sz1yq]

It's hilarious how the AI picked up that the characters only ever eat with friends and friend's family, so it associated Harry's friends and their families with food. It then decided that they are, in fact, food. Kind of a weird window into how the AI thinks. It doesn't understand that words have meaning, it just notices that certain words appear near other words. Hagrid with animals, Ron with Ron, and, in the most hilarious case, Harry's friends with eating and food.

[@isaac8441]

This is because it's fake. With current technology it's impossible to have a robot naturally learn things as abstract as language and maintain concrete associations like Hagrid being associated with animals. Just look at the Botnik website, they say "Botnik is a machine entertainment company run by comedy writers. We use computers to remix text!" run by comedy writers... it doesn't get much more obvious than that If you actually use their built-in text generator that you can use to make your own scripts like this, you can see that it actually gives you 18 (!!!) different options for each word. So someone generated this text by selecting what they think the next best word would be out of 18 possibilities each time. If you randomly select words or just click on the same box every time, you'll end up with nonsense. I really hate these "robot generated texts" because they're almost always fake and propagate misinformation about what AI is actually capable of. It's funny when you think it's something that an AI came up with itself, but it just seems kinda dumb when you realize that it's just a real person writing "random" humor with word-choice help from an AI.

[@meridaskywalker7816]

And also how Ron is associated with spiders

[@BenersantheBread]

>Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment. WOW, REALLY?

[@ThatProudCloud]

liar everyone knows volemort doesn't have eyebrows

[@ObjectsInMotion]

Voldemort: Harry: *tears eyes from his head and throws them into the forrest* Also Harry: *cant see at the moment* Voldemort: Outstanding move

[@styxrhi]

Harry: Ah yes i cant see him he can't see me

[@ElectricError]

@@styxrhi This is why Harry wasn't a Ravenclaw.

[@vivekanand9944]

But he does destroy him by saying he's an evil and mean wizard. Even Hermione agreed.

[@olezka_dostoevsky]

Vivek anand He destroyed him with his sick burn.

[@vivekanand9944]

@@olezka_dostoevsky Also, Ron helped so much by throwing his wand at him

[@julissavillatoro5725]

“Ron reaches for his wand slowly. ‘Ron’s the handsome one,’ muttered Harry as he reluctantly reached for his.” *giggity*

[@aiiiia9971]

Hahaha 😂

[@xtinydemon7631]

K i n k y

[@jeaddhist]

@@xtinydemon7631 Jared, is that you?

[@psychadelicpotato8580]

Who else but Harry potter and the gay moments

[@milodoesstuff4944]

"Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer" Shit man me too

[@UselessDuckCompany]

All jokes aside I would pay to listen to audio books that you read. This was great.

[@タコニャキ]

I love your inventions! They change humanity.

[@Hamburgular]

"You are Hagrid now" J.K. Rowling's best line of the series

[@heyst13]

My favourite part of this are the sound effects like Hagrid's furniture or Ron eating. Just imagining ProZD in front of a mic doing those voices.. such beauty

[@psychronia]

Now I've never been a big Harry Potty fan, but something about this seems...off.

[@janrupertalfeche8959]

Apparently a team fed a predictive artificial intelligence all of the Harry Potter books to see what kind of book the predictive text would make. This.... is the result.

[@Kilpatrick670]

Jan Rupert Alfeche no I think this was book 8 it was just never released

[@jethro87]

Yeah, it's way too good.

[@Capta1nTD]

Jan Rupert Alfeche Is there more?

[@aaronmyers6686]

The part where the Death Eater confesses his love and kisses the other Death Eater is a perfect summation of the Tumblr fan scene.

[@DragonWinter36]

The whole rest of the book aside, the line “leathery sheets of rain” has me fucking dying

[@theredeft5319]

Please do more of these semi generated stories. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time

[@PizzaHutAsuka]

Botnik.org

[@alonazar8116]

here is one i wrote using the same site. Harry thought about the dragons. He knew that dumbledore would never reach them. All three glasses angrily bellowed, and hermione stared furiously around the lake and said hagrid loudly. She snapped. It felt rather unnecessarily. Ron muttered frantically to the door, and george burst out of a fat lady’s back. Hagrid whispered to him under snape, though he’d raised his blackened fingers into voldemort’s green eyes. Voldemort quietly reached out of his mustache and said nothing. Harry asked him why slytherins seemed perfectly plain, however hagrid proudly gave him no pleasure in their seats. Witchcraft flung out of the kitchen. It sounded rather depressed. There was already someone to keep your aunt quite oblivious. Hermione gasped and fell. They looked around curiously to see whether fred had ever been able to resist lupin.

[@maximumnyoom7123]

There was also the reason why he couldn't see as well

[@Teebiscuit12345]

I better stop now before I start crying

[@zachm1123]

The best Harry Potter fanfic doesn't exi-

[@SuperSox97]

Implying this is a fanfiction and not a rough draft of the 8th book

[@zachm1123]

SuperSox97 rough draft? I think you mean finalized perfect version.

[@venomissocute3448]

This was written by AI

[@zachm1123]

BookTardis394 THAT JUST MAKES IT BETTER!

[@euducationator]

well, considering that there are only a finite number of harry potter fanfics, one of them was going to be the best no matter what.

[@littlemissfinch]

“Ron was going to be spiders. he just was.” “ “not so handsome now” Harry thought, as he dipped Hermione in hot sauce” “Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.” “ “If you two can’t clump happily, I’m going to get aggressive,” confessed the reasonable Hermione” #Facts

[@AlexAceMemes]

Ok but I legit want this book

[@mekafinchi]

Alex Ace botnik.org/content/harry-potter.html

[@wauthethird]

I think he meant a full-length book...

[@mekafinchi]

WAUthethird using the site, you can get your own version of the bot, train it the same way, and have it write a full book

[@mekafinchi]

Toxic Yee go on the site and read about it, they have a guide somewhere

[@inaccurateprophecy8971]

Ron’s Ron shirt

[@shydragon9637]

It was just as bad as Ron himself.

[@balakay724]

Advanced self promotion

[@Scougre]

The most vital component when casting Ron magic

[@arcticfox4013]

that and the ron wand

[@vixxcelacea2778]

"You are Hagrid now" I-I..I am?

[@FloatingSunfish]

And they said researching AI was a waste of money!

[@DemMedHornene]

"Several long pumpkins fell out of McGonagall." ""Not so handsome now," thought Harry as he dipped Hermione in hot sauce." The AI that wrote this are learning some pretty weird shit...

[@JamesCPotter13]

Saturn666 To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds. DAMN THAT'S SAVAGE

[@CWINDOWSsystem32]

From what I gather, the AI was predicting sentences by sampling Harry Potter-related passages submitted to it by random visitors to the website from where this was from. When you have submissions that are just Harry Potter slashfic, you're going to get some weird shit... wodehouse.botnik.org/2f402c0e

[@kl3321]

Saturn666 hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

[@WiffGiff]

Not written by AI, it's written by someone, or several people, using predictive text on Botnik.

[@justas423]

Kinky

[@vulcanhumor]

"They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was..." That. That is what made me pause the video and start cry laughing. Also, that line could DEFINITELY be used in real life.

[@hannahhall3987]

"We're the only people who matter!"

[@arcticfox4013]

''hes never gonna get rid of us''

[@omlo9093]

It's true.

[@thejimmysofgatsby]

Harry Potter and the actually realistic dream.

[@twinkiesmaster69]

Harry potter and the summary of homestuck's plot

[@cveis5678]

When people tell me of their lucid dreams and i think of my dreams and they are exactly like this. Last night i dreamed i went to visit the adoptive parents of my son who was a cat but they didnt want me to see him so i threatened to take him away and they were then scared of me and let me in the house to do dishes. My friend who i didnt notice until he spoke asked how i had a cat son, i laughed and said i have many children that are half animals and opened a book of Victorian style illustration of animal's that also had my features, ex snake, fox, mole and spider. "Some live in Canada so i cant see them..." i said sadly. Then suddenly i was in a mini van with people i never met and they hated me, they all wanted to take ecstasy but they looked like the chewable melatonin i take and after i took it i was told i was being taken to a pool party to be murdered by the driver who was in my 7th grade gym class but not in my actual class and never spoke to me ever, then my brother who was sitting next to her said yes we all agreed, but his voice wasnt his it was like a muppets voice. Then i woke up with sad vibes because id never see my cat son again......i dont even like cats.....

[@futuza]

I hope your cat son is doing alright.

[@nihaalfatima4637]

Bruh..... that was wild

[@mar_speedman]

"Let me in to do your chores or you'll never see your son again!!" That part killed me. Also, how could anyone say no to free service? XD

[@nikooo1794]

You lost me at "I don't even like cats"

[@Flargenyargen]

An entire summer of falling down stairs. What a guy, that Harry Potter.

[@seanconnaughton1429]

"Ron was going to be spiders. He just was. He wasn't proud of that, but it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done." *D E A D* Edit: The whole part about the death eaters kissing eachother

[@supernovagamer929]

I didn't know Douglas Adams wrote a Harry Potter book

[@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933]

Kinky

[@starlight6224]

@@rezandrarizkyirianto-1933 um

[@Roadent1241]

It's so Night Valean, I love it.

[@MR-ez8hh]

BEEF WOMEN

[@dbyron3824]

No one: Absolutely no one: Hagrid furniture: “EYYAAHHH”

[@samhayes-astrion]

"We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us!" I don't think truer words were ever spoken.

[@Jacksaur_]

Aside from the gibberish in the main text, it's surprising that a bot managed to get a mildly flowing story going. From breaking into the castle to listening to the death eaters.

[@beth4513]

“Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raise his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.” Lmao I have to agree with that being a great overreaction 😂 but that’s my favorite part.

[@Renne308]

For everyone claiming this is just AI: No. A predictive keyboard was trained on all seven books, giving it the feel of J.K. Rowling, but humans used that keyboard. Humans with a frankly incredible sense of humor.

[@eliburry-schnepp6012]

THANK YOU. The writers don't get enough credit for this.

[@carlyoverbay1896]

So wait, how does that even work?

[@WiffGiff]

Carly Overbay similar to when you text, but more advanced. Check out their webpage.

[@Abdega]

@@carlyoverbay1896 Look at the autocomplete as you type For example: Carly and I wanna talk about it and then again you know how much you wanna talk. Harry Potter has always happened when the people who were already on Facebook they had to get some people from their friends to talk and they say it was just the way it is to me that they I didn’t think they it would Be it would be better. Example you have the same thing you don’t have to worry that I don’t have to worry about it you have to take it off to your dad because you have to worry about that because you have the money you can do not that.

[@dielfonelletab8711]

@@Abdega Harry Potter has had a lot of success with his new album. He has always had his own garage and it has become a very big issue for the Vietnamese. He also has an extensive range of music and video games on his computer to keep his kids entertained. They are all the best in the world.

[@CheckmateMagician]

Voldemort having eyebrows is the most unbelievable thing about this.

[@bonjoviwankenobi8533]

What about Ron being the handsome one?

[@AuroraKnux]

He was so shocked by Harry's overreaction to seeing him that he grew eyebrows just to express said shock.

[@missmagrew]

And several long pumpkins falling out of McGonnagal