Healing Rejection, Guilt & Failure - Psychologist Guy Winch

[@justin7839]

25:00 loneliness 32:06 brooding and ruminating 34:08 adaptive self-reflection vs. maladaptive self-reflection 43:40 Guilt 55:30 rejection 58:40 self-esteem 59:58 how to revive your self-worth 1:05:26 benefit of practicing emotional first aid

[@amandabeejoyful4954]

Thank you! Needed the video at the moment but don’t have an hour at the moment.

[@amykhurana3687]

Thank you Justin

[@gaspalin]

Hi! Loneliness starts at 23:15. Thank you for your message!

[@cutieisha9666]

Thank you so much💜💜

[@coiorr8370]

51:17 solutions for guilt

[@TheHouseOffice]

He is an incredible speaker

[@JH-rm1rb]

What a wonderful talk. I was dumped 3 days ago. Out of the blue. There's was no warning. We were happy. Anyways... I'm applying the 30 day no contact rule. I'm removed some (not quite all) reminders of him. They are everywhere. I've started making a list of his negative qualities (that's hard because there isn't much but I'm trying even if it's small) I'm going to write these smart affirmations that he suggested... I really like how he described why affirmations can often not work. I'm going to write that essay about what I bring to a relationship. I know I have alot to offer I'm still very sad and grieving but as he said I'm going to try my best to not feed the pain and make it worse. I love that the Internet makes available so many positive resources if you go looking. Wish me luck 😊

[@thetonyh8su]

I'm in the same boat, very recently. Stay strong! We aren't the failures.

[@ginaprespare1316]

Sorry that happened. Take good care of yourself, and know that you are just as worthy as you were before the relationship. Hugs.

[@lisavillapudua2170]

I also am going thru a break up I listen to a lot of inspiration/motivational videos online you should check out Trent Shelton those videos do help a lot ...I’m determined to get over this person and not let it defeat me ..I know eventually I will meet someone else

[@heartworkbykitty7933]

J H How are you doing? I hope you feel better I’m here(some random internet person) if you want to talk Sending love It’s so hard I know... 🤗

[@sarahwilson3804]

J H found what make you a happy and please don’t relay on a man. Self love is key.

[@SanjaEN99]

I've first heard of Guy's presentation about emotional first aid on Ted talk and it changed my life so much for the better. Thanks for sharing the full presentation. It is very helpful. Stay awesome!

[@laurah2023]

9:44 he’s loves that slide 😂❤

[@lindaslutz2885]

There are 4 books I recommend for the healing in a breakup. 1) How To Get Past Your Breakup, by Susan Elliott, 2) Emotional First Aid, by Guy Wench, 3) The Power of Now, by Eckart Tollee, and 4) How To Fix A Broken Heart, by Guy Winch. All are on Amazon. The Power of Now teaches you how to get your mind off of your Ex and keep it in the present moment. (Guy refers to that also in his books, but does not go indepth as much.) Hope this helps someone, it really helped me!

[@coiorr8370]

51:17 solutions to guilt: apologize recognising what the other person feel and needs. 1:02:37 self-esteem aid

[@johnlyons3607]

I have watched so many psychology videos it is beyond comprehension, and this Man has no peer. Great lecture! Thanks so much Doc.

[@tranquil87]

This is a really good talk, and the point about catching the brooding thoughts & ruminations as soon as you can is extremely valuable (~43:00). There's only one hiccup... he stresses the need to move to a *distraction.* While this does indeed work, it isn't ideal. A grocery shopping list or something like that is not compelling, and will make the habit a lot more difficult to keep up with. The ideal object of attention is... you might have guessed it : yourself. Not some abstract concept. This is well understood by mindfulness practitioners around the world. We break habits and maintain better ones by grounding ourselves *in ourselves.* We use the breath, or the body, or the emotions that we feel as points of focus, *because they are always there.* We're never going anywhere, and we are always a compelling object of study. And what we focus on, when we focus on ourselves, is real. It's not a concept. We are focusing on reality, and improving our ability to be in the present moment, rather than *still* being lost in thought, distracting ourselves with a grocery shopping list or whatever. Do yourself a favor and practice mindfulness meditation instead of mere distraction! You'll be using the opportunity to observe the mind as a tool for self-improvement and insight rather than taking the easy way out into distraction land.

[@tpowell3776]

Etienne-Emile Antikatastaseis ..Thank you..

[@tee8308]

Etienne-Emile Antikatastaseis I appreciate your comment and find it valuable. It’s a next level idea. For some of us, who are new to Mindfulness or unfamiliar with it, the distraction tool is useful and certainly better than nothing. You have however caused me to consider Mindfulness as a better alternative.

[@e_viola]

As someone who loves distraction, I can tell you that mindfulness is by far the better option. Still trying to convince my brain of this fact

[@mahdokhtrm2966]

His lectures are always awesome

[@mithriwali5996]

Thank you so much for a such a wonderful and easy to understand explanation of psychological health. Well done.

[@FearfullyandWonderfullyMade139]

❤Thank you

[@Zumba4USweden]

Thanks so much for having this uploaded. It has helped me enormous in my ingoing brakeup out of the blue. After the video I went to action and felt so much better. Thanks so much.

[@ladeedaa1419]

He just threw the breakup-grenade at me. Only 2 days in & I feel like I’m dying inside. I really hope 3 weeks has helped heal you, Carlos💜

[@nursejeff6726]

Thank you for this video I needed to hear this ❤️❤️

[@samirahachemaoui1841]

Great talk! It's high time we take care of our darkest areas, which most of the time work against ourselves. Amazing work, carry on

[@tpowell3776]

You are a guiding light..Thank you for these positive influences...❤️❤️❤️

[@heartworkbykitty7933]

Him and his brother could be stealing each others Ted talks and we would never know *key X-files theme song* Hah But seriously, love this Guy, he’s an amazing doctor.

[@bru1015]

Awesome...this is so very insightful for me, it’s timely and on point. I think I’ll buy his book. 😊

[@samratmitra9406]

Rejection 11:07 Loneliness 23:07 Brooding & ruminating 32:04 Guilt 43:44 55:16 Self esteem 56:43

[@missyelliot6237]

I love Guy Winch!!!

[@sarahwilson3804]

In summary psychological wounds are caused due to the blow on one self-esteem and the cure for it is self love giving yourself a sense of self worth and believe in it.

[@soibeem]

It's crazy how quickly someone can turn cold on you for no reason.

[@evirose2725]

You brought peace in my soul! Thank you. You are so inspiring

[@yayangtapir4130]

That was just a great talk on rejection. Thanks doc!

[@earthlycolorbrown6246]

Thank You so much!!! This year a storm forced us out of our home and into homelessness, losing two Family members within six months of each following the suicide loss of My Partner. How to work through the grieving process was avoided by friends and family so as not to cause more pain...this video helps!!!

[@janeedey3831]

Love you, gratitude!

[@iselili2]

I love this guy! 🤗 this is so true and so valuable.

[@---ou8wr]

Thank you so much Dr. Winch.

[@haphazardgardener8651]

Wow this really will help a lot of people

[@ellen3093]

Great talk, and I'm happy to see his book is translated into my language!

[@bsferguson1]

NOW I KNOW HOW TO SUPPORT MY FRIENDS WITH PROBLEMS AND ADDICTIONS. My family is going to come together better with thease tools

[@julesmcwaffle]

Life changing! He is amazing! Thank you!❤️

[@nch1646]

Wish I could add more than one like! Obligatory watching for everyone

[@Ltldogg69]

Great presentation!

[@nobodycouldhavethis]

I love this guy - he's so funny. Half of his jokes fail but he keeps going and isn't fazed. He practices what he preaches. his tips and tricks work.

[@SparklingDiva1111]

This was great! Well worth spending the hour on. And so good to see how it all gels with Law of Attraction and Abraham Hicks.

[@fruitascension5089]

WOW! I'm only a third into the video and I'm learning so much! 👍

[@drewper73]

“In an unconscious way, they (lonely people) are pushing away the very people who can help them.” That’s what a friend of mine would call “heavy.” When I was interested in psychology as a young man but I never wanted to learn this much about it. Psychology went from being a subject I was interested in to being something that I needed to learn about in order to help me understand myself. I never wanted to know this much about it.

[@MsBellydancediva]

What a great talk!!!!

[@LightWaterRecords]

Real good talk! Thank you for uploading.

[@ellistarceansa8182]

*Impressive.* This ties in with so much that I've been through and, sadly, much that I'm still doing. _Well, I've immediately grabbed the book ... fingers crossed it'll help break a few nasty habits_

[@TheStianmann]

Have you put it into practice?

[@karinliran]

he is the best!

[@charlottebruce979]

Rejection to me is extremely painful, it's like a rejection of all that I am, my whole self. I liken it to the hoare crux (not sure it's spelt that way) in Harry potter, when someone comes along and smashes a part of your soul. I've been rejected badly twice in my life and it hurt beyond belief. What helped me, was to build up self worth, just practical things like a new hair cut, clothes, going for coffee with friends, keeping busy and saying to myself 'I'm ok I'm good enough, I gave my all and I loved them with all I had, they just weren't right for me, and didn't see my worth' Also remembering they were narracist arseholes who had no empathy or care, that helps! As Morrissey the singer said. 'rejection is one thing, rejection by a fool is cruel'

[@yasmina8915]

Rejection is projection as well it’s not you it’s them 🙏I hear that one time I can’t recall from who

[@PauloNideck]

What if you're lonely AND you smoke?

[@drewper73]

That's me!

[@aryamannanant1794]

Yup!

[@marrychrisschiefelbein2445]

Love this ,, help me so much about my emotional,,,

[@letsgoBrandon204]

34:10 The adaptive self reflection makes sense to me.. but the result has _always_ been to come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me, and that I must be a worthless piece of ****. Every damn time I just get lower and lower. I don't understand how you can get a "fresh perspective" out of nowhere and it be a positive one. A therapist I was talking to, and a message I find in other places, tells me to treat myself like someone I care about. That's difficult too. It's like I'm blind to the insights I would have if it were someone else going through some problems. 37 years of this! (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[@Seamannon]

I feel that. I also didn't get much insight from therapy and I feel like I have wasted the best years of my life trying to make conventional psychological treatments work for me, from my late teens up to my 30s. Not only was a waste of my personal time and energy to enegage in therapy sessions, but I also wasted a lot of time seeking out new therapists, other available treatments, group sessions, meds and so on... Not only did it drain my finances, but also my social life, my health (side effects from long term medication), my joy of life, my hopes for a better future... it also ruined my work prospects and education. The meds would numb me out too much to think properly, time demands for therapy sessions would annoy my employers and coworkers would antagonise me for sometimes leaving early, sometimes starting later and sometimes taking random days off. They would demand justifications for my absence and or limitations for my schedule and never accept my answers that it's for health related reasons, they would make vicious comments about me slacking and making things up, not looking sick enough and so on... and when I finally told a coworker I liked and trusted that it's mostly about my mental health, then the comments got even more vicious, because now there was more ammo to attack me with, like calling me crazy and unreasonable on every occasion or patronise and demean me in other ways. None of this was necessary or helpful. The thing I actually needed was to cut off toxic people from my life, which meant leaving my abusive relationship and my whole family of origin behind, as well as leaving exploitative work environments before I got burned out completely instead of trying to fix everything when everyone else just used the convenient excuse of "but you're the one with the problem and you're the one who was diagnosed as unhealthy, so you have to fix yourself with professional help". It would be so much more helpful to hear someone validating my experiences and supporting me to make all of those serious life transition one at a time, someone who would actually tell me that all of those people constantly crossing my boundaries didn't have any right to do so and I should not have to adjust to their crappy behaviour and put myself down over and over in order to make things work. Instead I got therapists only repeating their scripts like "if you're the only one who is hurt by this and who doesn't accept the situation, then it's about you and you have to reconsider your own behaviour and you have to question your perceptions" and things like that... It doesn't do any good to people who are already constantly questioning their own perceptions and tolerating abuse! All of those scripted questions didn't provide any insight, comfort or hope to a struggling person and there was no real advice ever given, because "that's not the point of therapy or the therapists job" and "it's about realising more about your own motivations and behaviours and learning to set proper boundaries"... All of this is complete BS in cases where other people are not willing to respect the boundaries you set and it often happens that people who came from abusive backgrounds, don't have anyone to rely on for real support (emotional or material) and no therapist would advise a patient to leave behind all of their closest relationships in order to heal, because they wouldn't want to be accountable for anything that could destabilise their patient even more, even if a change of environment would be crucial to the healing process. Sometimes those scripts also seem to completely dismiss any potential of a scapegoat dynamic in the social system the patient has to function in, as if they could not comprehend the potential scenario in which the patient tolerates abuse, because they have literally no other means of getting out of their situation, no matter how concious they are or how many times they try to communicate their boundaries in a healthy way, as long as it benefits the group to dismiss them and project all of their own fears and flaws onto them and keep them stuck, so that everyone else can feel better about themselves by putting the patient down. Then there's also the issue of potential undiagnosed autism. It's much more convenient for many healthcare providers to diagnose people with issues that require the patient to be medicated rather than autism, which would require environmental adaptations for the whole family of the patient and an acceptance, that meds and therapy for one person will never fix the issue in a way that would make "everything normal". There are so many people who are undiagnosed autistic adults, who struggle to the point of burnout and developing several other issues, constantly questioning their existance and sometimes leaving life too soon, just because they didn't get the care they needed as children and learned to mask the most obvious symptomps as they grew up and once they reached legal age, no one would even care to consider their struggles or make any accomodations for them. I find a lot of autism content on YT very illuminating in a way that no therapy or any other in person interactions with psychologists ever were. I wish you a lot of luck on your personal journey and supportive people to accompany you on your way!

[@dianalastovska8386]

I basically made notes of everything what he said. Who is using it in every day life?

[@katiewolfgram3987]

Life changing

[@wildflowersmile3224]

Brilliant!

[@michaelhamilton6658]

TW: 80% symptoms causes and effects - 20% solutions only watch if you are in the right head space to process confronting material

[@Sash92_]

Amazing.

[@politereminder6284]

16:48

[@czyko]

32:21

[@Irmushka]

Well this gives me hope .... 🤣 I may as well top myself now

[@erikaeyasvergara6175]

4months after the break up now and still it hurts

[@fly89]

Celticsgirl Aika a year after and i still cry some nights.

[@mrssomeone2143]

7 months break up. still remember him and hope to get over it. i dont want him anymore....please go awayyyy

[@veeragupta]

Good talk. Can I talk to you. I am from India

[@nursejeff6726]

Wow

[@adityamehra7238]

i suffer through all of them... should i see a doctor?

[@janeedey3831]

Please don't think , about anything, go to sleep all day and night! Wot do you think?

[@yajeer9685]

Ahhh, the bright side of youtube.

[@trishnikasrija11]

The first feeling of rejection was when my grand mom rejected me of family Cz I was a girl child. It was in me since childhood. Rejection. Last week the guy I loved the most abandoned me. All he could say is m childish and i won't be able to handle responsibilities. 3 months back he was the one who wanted to get married to me. All of this to getting abandoned. The only thing I can think of is either isolating myself for few years or commiting suicide. I don't know where did I go wrong and how do I get him back and see the love I bear for him.

[@ayshabegum7645]

He was not worthy of you and did not deserve you. Please don't mess yourself up over a guy.

[@mrssomeone2143]

i think he is the childish one, not you my darling. you already accept him for second time and he messed it up twice. your investment about him goes sour, you dont need to stay any longer. tell him calmly from a far, yes i dont want you, i love myself, i have my life, so much opportunities, they will come to me, and i accept all of me, everyday forever

[@trishnikasrija11]

mrs someone thank you . Almost 2 years later . I don’t even recognise that self of me . M glad I could pull myself out of that darkness 😊

[@Harnas31]

hi guys, at what time he is talking about failure ?

[@decflower123]

Harnas31 Listen the whole video. Its worth it

[@hksabek7035]

Profit Mohamed 1442 years ago said ( people if you were 3 do not privately take to one and ignore the third because it makes him sad So we Muslims wait till the forth comes or any others so I can take the person I want to talk privately and have a speech with him

[@user-kc7sc4rc7k]

I’ll be alone for the rest of my life

[@trishnikasrija11]

So will I be

[@PauloNideck]

No, you will not! There are a lot of loners like you and me who are willing to meet!

[@iselili2]

Me three

[@nikkik3263]

Me too

[@tinadytuco3243]

I'm joining your club

[@drewper73]

This audience obviously mistook him for a stand-up comedian, judging from the way they're laughing. I'm sure he meant for some of his speech to be funny but these people are laughing at the wrong time. He is giving a talk on guilt, rejection, and failure for crying out loud.

[@burnttoast1076]

Humor comes from dark subjects.

[@w8what575]

I wonder what happens to a narcissists game plan of torture when they see talks like this? Do they change shit up to make sure they can keep us from doing any healing? My best friend and lover ..,lmao..in other words my abuser was all about coming to my place to see me which before he would avoid at all cost! He thought I had someone living with me so he contacts this person and stirs up shit smashes my property runs my other abuser off..both were and are taking advantage of me but no More I’m Moving on..however the best friend and lover lol..how stupid..now that he chases off everyone he wants nothing to do with me..ironic huh lol..so now it’s no contact except for legally forces to because the best friend almost beat me to death yesterday..no more..#4 beating and enough is enough! Bye miles u deserve it!

[@Heyuhp]

The host has a horrible voice..

[@solomonr5984]

Awesome presentation!!!