Healing Trauma in IFS Therapy: Unblending from Exiles

Parts work, trauma and IFS therapy, for an in depth discussion of these topics check out the Q&A livestream for this video here: • Healing Trauma in IFS ...
Welcome to Part 4 of my series: What is IFS? Internal Family Systems Therapy, Explained. In this video I share how IFS Therapy understands trauma through the frame of parts work and uses the techniques of unblending from parts to help heal trauma and gain freedom from "emotional flashbacks." I also discuss the IFS concept of exile parts and describe the relationship between protectors and exiles. I also provide a brief description of the neuroscience of trauma, trauma flashbacks and why traumatic experiences can still feel so present in our bodies, years after the traumatic event. Finally, I explain how once we have been able to connect with our "big S self," our "true self" is able to go beyond managing our emotional reactions to actually healing our trauma by caring for our traumatized exile parts.
#toriolds #partswork #ifs #trauma
00:00 Understanding Trauma Responses From a “Parts” Perspective
02:01 What are Exiles?
03:00 The Relationship Between Protectors and Exiles
03:31 The Neuroscience of Traumatic Memories
05:54 What are Trauma Flashbacks?
10:14 A Parts Work Approach to Trauma
15:07 IFS Techniques for Unblending From Parts and Healing Trauma
18:24 Discriminating Between Protector Parts and the True Self
For information about my "Minding the Heart" training groups or to sign up for my video courses and earn mental health education CEUs, check out toriolds.com

[@PhilosopherScholar]

It can't be overstated how well you explain these concepts. Honestly better than Dr. Richard Schwartz. I'm excited for your channel to blow up and help people.

[@DrToriOlds]

OH, that's nice to hear!! Thank you so much for the kind message!!! :)

[@HGH_Coastal]

I agree, Im watching the videos this afternoon and appreciating how well you articulate not only the concept of IFS, but the process individuals experience. Thank you.

[@luberdoo1950]

@@DrToriOlds I agree with Philosopher Scholar...you do a remarkably exquisite job of articulating in a clear way, what many presenters/trainers struggle with communicating. You break down/translate what can be a difficult language for individuals to understand. I am trained in IFS, and use it as a tool with other therapies supporting people on their healing journey. So, thank you, Dr. Olds, keep up the good work.

[@QurVgn]

YES!!!

[@laurenbrown412]

Agree with this comment completely. Much clearer to me than Dr. Schwartz's Greater than the Sum of Parts audio I just listened to. Thank you for thoughtfully producing this series, Dr. Olds!

[@CheetahSnowLeopard]

The world needs more gentle and compassionate doctors like Dr Tori. 🌻

[@Holiday72]

Amen

[@AJyogi108]

Yes ❤

[@yiravarga]

Somatic/emotional flashbacks are far more elusive and confusing than anyone describes it. I experience them, and I finally know how to identify them. I feel it is important to communicate my finding here. I’ll use my personal example. My trauma is being required to function at my age level as a child, in first grade. I was challenged to catch up to others, and I missed all the early developmental years from being in an orphanage. So, the emotional flashback, is that feeling of “frustrating challenge”, is applied to a current real life circumstance, like my participation in therapy. It literally feels like therapy is too challenging and too hard, present moment things become the blame for how I feel, not past circumstances. That’s an emotional flashback. It gets put into, projected, or taken from, real life present moment things. It makes you experience the present differently, it really doesn’t feel or look like a flashback at all! But it is!

[@DrToriOlds]

Wow, thanks so much for your personal example! Yes, flashbacks certainly are real! Even just the experience of therapy can 'put us back' to old places where there was too much challenge and not enough support...and what an important thing to understand, so it doesn't feel like we aren't enough, but can realize we are in a younger state...

[@lilyl5492]

yeah, I agree, it doesn't feel like a flashback because there is no story, there is just feeling/sensation, a response to a signal. I think of it as more like a belief than a memory - this how the world is, how it feels to be in the world. I see triggers as part of a world-resources-perception map based on sensation experiences rather than location. Possibly because for me both the strongest 'exile' and 'protector' parts are pre-verbal and even come from before a sense of identity that is separate from a soup of sensations in general, so literally everything is blended into a holistic sense of world-self-other. In my case there is a feeling that of all being is fragile-explosive. I think the main protector is barely aware of itself as an older baby that can finally sit up and see what is happening, while emotionally grey-rocking everything like a huge snowy mountain 'just in case' someone else gets triggered somewhere in a huge range of audible hypervigilance. Going into 'mountain mode', silently becoming part of the landscape in an oversized yet invisible way. This is bad enough to re-experience after finally learning how to get out of it decades later. The scales feel large because as a baby the world was small. Only mountains are bigger than tsunamis of enmeshed dysregulation. 'If I have to be an outsized presence let me be that' was the 'logic' of the response. trying not to be an earthquake that leads to a flood of stress hormones in the world. It sounds kinda poetic I guess, a layer deeper than architypes that look like people, I find that humanising aspect of parts work a little foreign. For me finding out and recognizing the brainstem/deep-brain/back of the neck as the physical source of the 'protect' signal was really useful - the start of any reactivity to perceived threat and physical home base of the vagus nerves and ANS responses. With practice and attention you can feel the reaction start there as a buzz, before it hits the rest of your body. Then you can literally put a gentle hand on it and say 'hi, how are you' to one of the deepest, earliest parts of yourself. It's part of the spine, but also the flexible pre-bone midline, where the ball of cells start to shape you into a little shimmery fish shape in the womb. Adding this somatic aspect as it might help those looking for some lost early sense of calm self prior to a clear identity...

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Agree 100%. I was having strong reactions to things & not really understanding why. It makes sense now.

[@tmking7483]

@@lilyl5492 Thanks for your post _ I to have big protector baby that bit mommy _and my mommy monster thought it best to bite me back. Your description " tsunamis of enmeshed regulation" describes this trauma experience for me.

[@hughtube86]

Fantastic! The neurobiology of trauma 3:40 was so interesting that hippocampus fails to time stamp under high stress hormones and the untagged traumatic memory is felt as timeless and relevant to all current moments until treated. Great explanation

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Yes!! I have wondered about that for so long and now it makes sense!!

[@shellysplinter8656]

Finally! I've spent 3-4 years in therapy attempting to " regulate " my emotions and feeling shut down or shut up. My inner child is joyous to hear there is hope AND true healing . I like everything you said and the compassion you in your voice 😊

[@joequeirolo4304]

I've been working with a therapist for the past couple of years who introduced me to IFS. Along the way I've read books by Richard Schwartz, Jay Early and others and watched a lot of videos and I have to say your explanation of IFS is the clearest and most helpful of them all. Well done!

[@DrToriOlds]

Oh, that's lovely to hear!! Thanks so much for taking the time to tell me, Joe!! I truly appreciate it :)

[@Cornelia2454]

This is sooooo good! The last 5 years I have done some healing, etc. A few months ago, at the age of 68, some things happened that brought up deep trauma, even though I was not sure what was happening. I have tried to understand and connect with shadow work, inner child work, getting rid of my ego etc. I have just come across IFS and for the first time I feel this all makes sense and can find it workable for self-healing. And have already experienced some relief and beginning to feel love for myself. Thank you.

[@Anniebear7f]

Me as well!!been a couple weeks and wow!what a journey

[@Stanthro]

Tori I can't think you enough. My mom is finally dealing with the trauma of her childhood. She starts therapy in a week And I show her your videos. She loves them. You bring so much knowledge. You helped me through a really hard time in my life And now you are helping her. I know that you were just a 7th grader when I met you, but even then there was something deeply calming and positive about you. You have a very special gift. Thank you for taking the time and energy to make these videos. I I have a feeling that they are helping so many people :)

[@DrToriOlds]

Oh hey there, Stan!! So glad you mentioned the 7th grade connection so I could place your name with a person! I remember going to a dance with you and my feet LITERALLY not touching the floor the whole time! Ha! Anyway, gosh, so glad to be of help. Thank you so much for letting me know and for being so open to this information. I really appreciate the kind words :) Hope you are well...

[@bernardokeller]

I recognize compassion and love in your eyes. You're are talking from your true self and that is shining clearly on the video. Thank you

[@dorisdias6008]

Thank you Doctor..I can't thank you enough.. You articulate such complex thoughts effortlessly and with so much ease..I wait for your videos..it's treat for my Eyes, ears and my heart. I can feel the healing inside me .you are changing my life..thank you a thousand times..I never knew this was possible for me

[@DrToriOlds]

Wow...thank you so much for these kind words. They really made my day!! Means a lot...thank you ;)

[@miriammigliacci9427]

I completely agree.

[@loungydoc]

@@DrToriOlds it’s cuz she “passionate” about it!

[@danielindart559]

Dr. you are a genius of synthesizing analyzing breaking down very complex concepts and making them really simple

[@lisahd4250]

The way you explain unblending from exiles and protectors really helps me know the foundation of these principles in my bones. Thank you! I 💗 IFS!

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks Lisa! You're awesome! ;)

[@LiveBloodSolutions]

The best explanation of all You are magnificent

[@stellabhagwat7619]

I think this is one of the best explanations of the IFS system that ive ever come across. Thank you for putting it out there for free.. this will bless many hurting people and definitely better empower therapists. God bless you Tori and continue to use you as His vessel to bring healing in our broken world ❤

[@sabrinahenry1806]

I want to say how much i appreciate your videos. My therapist and i are working on parts work and I tried to read/listen to the audio book for no bad parts. Unfortunately i would become overwhelmed and begin uncontrollably sobbing without an understanding as to why and gave up on the book. My therapist sent me your videos and it has helped me to develop a better understanding

[@anjavlasblom8158]

Please Tori come back, with lots of learning. Your education is so clear and wise. You are a blessing for me!

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@courtneymeiers920]

Holy moley this just blew my mind! This literally JUST happened. And I’ve been reading No Bad Parts, but this explained it so much better. Thank you 😮

[@florianwschiansky2389]

Thank you and bravo for your beautiful, clear and helpful videos on IFS and on AEDP ! I am looking forward watching other videos from you!

[@leeboriack8054]

Dr. Tori, your talent as a teacher is beyond exceptional. Thank you!

[@capngrace84]

This is so inspiring. The recent developments around memory reconsolidation and parts therapy makes me want to become a therapist.

[@fractalizedspiritz]

i do think some of my exiles aren’t just from childhood. I have some pretty traumatizing experiences in my early 20s that definitely became exiles. but the behaviors that led me to that trauma definitely stemmed from unresolved trauma from childhood & adolescence !

[@user-co7ri4xh4r]

It just has to be said. You, Dr. Tori Old's are a modern day Genius ! You like Elon Musk are so intelligent intellectual and wise, and understand ALL the tiny little minutia, nuances of consciousness and the operant of it. More than I have ever heard before at my 35 years on planet earth. I am so grateful to have found you, like Elon Musk, your kind are much needed on this chaotic planet. I wish you were my therapist as the chaotic cognitive dissonance I suffer with every day because of all my strange unintegrated parts sucks all my energy and causes I believe my CFS/ M.E. Myalgic encephalomyelitis. I am aware of this feat now and just don't have the E.Q. tools to calm down my rigid and locked-on hypervigilant nervous system. I think I'm an undiagnosed autistic and an empath. (side note; being a Scorpio doesn't help) Sigh. 😔

[@leiea2000]

I love this - so well said. This is a good example of how to provide education in a helpful way. Your communication is gentle and clear, it is not condescending, and it is not overly clinical. I will check out more videos from you and maybe even use this particular one to help increase my client’s insight into their own trauma ❤

[@joshrivera473]

this video took me 2 hours to watch because i kept pausing to take notes on memories i was having. Learned about IFS a few weeks ago and i love it. Feeling alot lighter already and gaining alot of insights on my emotions and triggers. Thank you for the video

[@sophwaring5160]

Dr Olds you remind me of Miss Honey from Matilda! Your voice is all the therapy I personally need 😅 Most soothing voice ever.

[@77dris]

Not only is the information on this channel golden, the production quality is fantastic lately too.

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks for saying so! I really appreciate it ;)

[@77dris]

@@DrToriOlds Truly!

[@DrToriOlds]

@@77dris :)

[@jjackson4273]

IFS is a system that I just found out about today, but it immediately articulates how I feel inside. Thank you for explaining this clearly so that I can explore it more. I feel like having this mental model will really improve my quality of life. I look forward to learning more about this system through your series. Thanks very much!

[@DrToriOlds]

You're so welcome, and I'm so glad you found benefit in these ideas! That's great! ;)

[@jjackson4273]

@@DrToriOlds I know you must be very busy, but in all my research about IFS, I've found lots of information ABOUT it, but I haven't really found anything that shows average joes like me how to apply it in our own lives (i.e. examples of how to apply it). If you happen to see this message, do you know of any resources that explain this? I've reached a bit of a dead end, but I'm still hopeful that I can work my way through this.

[@Agnieszka-wl5gl]

Thank you so much for this!! I´m so grateful I found these videos!

[@Cheryl_Frazier]

Gabrielle Bernstein mentions IFS in her book Happy Days. I looked it up for more clarification and found you! 🙂 Thank you SO much for putting this information out there. The way you very compassionately explain it makes so much sense & is extremely helpful! Especially the part about the complexities of emotional flashbacks. As soon as you spoke of the child self 😭 Thanks again!!

[@LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

I recently had sound therapy with Reiki. I grew up with some pretty extensive trauma and during the session my infant self came up. Really fascinating stuff and a bit sad. At least now I know what it is. Thank you for your content. xoxo

[@hmsbeckett]

Wonderfully explained and so much wisdom, thank you. When it’s so difficult to access talking therapies here in the UK, having the tools to do some of the work yourself is a Godsend. Thank you for sharing.

[@justanotherfan18]

Just found your channel, and it was perfect timing, as I had to have an extra session today with my therapist to talk about this very topic. Been stuck in a depression of my child parts and we did some work to unblend and it was so relieving and your videos help me to hear the concepts over and over in a visual and scientific way as well as using the language of IFS so thank you so much

[@DrToriOlds]

So glad to hear that!! Thank you!!

[@AJyogi108]

So beautifully explained . You are a blessing ❤

[@maruxa1996]

Thank you so much for explaining how trauma affects us and unblending from it in such an easy, gentle and caring way - this is so helpful ❤️

[@richardwatkins6725]

Beautifully explained.

[@ericfawcett2085]

Dr. Olds, this video is so well done. Thank you.

[@rossgeography]

I've come across some of your videos before but this one was really helpful as I'm coming to know a young exile but it felt overwhelming and as though it's bleeding into the present and frightening me/self, this also explains why managers/protectors have been around so long because they've been managing implicit memory/trauma

[@suchitrarajeev1933]

Clearly explained the concept. Thank you so much.

[@francoislatreille6068]

thank you for the soft spoken validation and teaching

[@sandrawilson8337]

Really simplifies amazingly complex stuff. Amazing! Thank you Tori!

[@QurVgn]

This is one of the most profound video I’ve watched! Thank you!!!

[@nitabsw33t]

This is such a dope series! Thank you so much for this!!

[@anestialithos]

I feel better just watching this video, thank you😊

[@izabelaR]

Loved this. Broken down really well. Loved your compassionate delivery of this.

[@DrToriOlds]

Thank you!! Really appreciate that :)

[@margieosull]

sooo appreciate your intelligent and clear teaching.

[@gavinduggan199]

You explain things so wonderfully. Thank you so much for your videos. You are helping so many people in such a profound way.,

[@zialuna]

Your explanation is very clarifying, Tori. Thank you for your videos, they're so supportive of my healing!

[@samodhigamage7077]

thank you doctor, your explain very simple ,very easy to understand

[@Kung223]

I love the way you explain things

[@jos.5737]

You have such a beautiful soothing voice.

[@DrToriOlds]

Oh, that's nice to hear! ;)

[@stinareed270]

Thank you for so clearly and articulately explaining IFS. I have used it for awhile as a therapist but always benefit from further and subtler explanatory material. Working with parts is challenging!

[@amandalynngibson8332]

Thank you Dr Tory🌹 You are such an excellent teacher. I feel so hopeful about continuing my healing joirney. I love the IFS approach and the language. I listen. I feel. I learn. But like sweet rich fudge, sometimes i take just a morsel at a time.

[@IntuitiveCoachTheresa]

So so great. Thanks for bringing this work out to the world!

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@czarinalinao7936]

this video helped me make an informed decision between two EMDR therapists i'm interested in working with - thank you!

[@lisacox8865]

This is lovely🙏thank you💟

[@ToddSmith23]

This was very reassuring

[@Anniebear7f]

This helped me right now.thank you, thank you

[@Dischordian]

1:36 unblending 1:51 protectors 3:00 wounded or exiled, vs protectors 09:45 name it to tame it strategies for truama flashbacks

[@morpheus6972]

Amazing video Dr. Tori....THANK YOU!

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks so much for saying so!! :)

[@TheWest214]

Tori, This series is interesting, helpful and overall wonderful. Thank you!

[@DrToriOlds]

You're welcome! ;)

[@jadedesautels6434]

Extrêmement intéressant et très bien communiqué!

[@mr_lozano]

You are so good at this!!

[@baldwinbeardsley901]

Thank you for this information I think I really needed to stumble apon this.

[@micheledevilliers3474]

Wow, this is better than the book. Thank you for this series, it is so well explained!

[@DrToriOlds]

That's great to hear! Thanks for the supportive comment! ;)

[@anamgulraiz4987]

Great explanation! Please make more

[@sudhirhebbar7363]

Very clear description

[@user-pn4pn6ww2p]

Hi!!! You have touched a place that finally said YES YES!!! You're explanation is beautiful and your Transformation Series is my most shared resources with my clients.

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@AnthonyL0401]

7:00 Super crucial neurological reason for feelings from trauma feeling as if happening now

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks for commenting on that!

[@Chickenboyplays108]

Dr Tori, you have a beautiful way of explaining things!

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@darinsmith2458]

I can relate to what you are saying. I am just going to listen to a lot of your videos and see if they all fit together.

[@scottmcelroy2322]

Such a valuable video, thank you!

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks Scott!! Appreciate you ;)

[@JustT0m752]

I would like to understand more about the feelings in the body. Sometimes i'm triggered over something so small. I can't explain it to someone, because it doesn't make sense even to me. Something slightly awkward happens, my whole confidence is shot.. then I start to think, no one likes me, and I immediately stop enjoying myself and feel useless.

[@flowzone1128]

Great your music too! as well as such a helpful explanation thanks Tori!

[@Jesusandmentalhealth]

This is great, thank you! I utilize parts work with my clients and I love the way you convey the way that IFS works. Would love to check out your CEUs as well!

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@peterpopovic689]

Great Stuff TOri.

[@henrymason5639]

Picked up on this at part 4 This might sound like a generalized assess Totally relevant, your opening minutes intro was excellent like understanding it's just a part not the whole that never had the chance to heal and on to the simple yet beautiful word and the example given, HOPE Starts, when?, then comes conscious distancing giving higher self space to step in, intervention. What a great video. Most of all, it good to know I'm not going crazy🤬😧🥺😡

[@Milubee]

This was powerful.

[@mightyhammerhead]

❤❤❤❤ thank you!

[@PARKER6662]

THIS IS SOOOO GOOD. happy i came across your channel. a huge follow from me.

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

Hello how are you doing today?

[@eugenew3616]

Thank you!

[@willmurphy6663]

Cptsd...all my life....the triggers are enormous....i can breathe, relax my way out of it.... but very debilitating....dysregulation....

[@sam-pp9vg]

Thank you

[@marotiem]

It's all amazing. Lot of Aha! moments. I binge watched a lot of your videos. Everything resonates and explains exactly the same feelings and thoughts I had. Thank you so much! I would love to unblend from my child self, that is scared of attention, and shuts down when she has to speak. But all I am feeling is that this inner child wants to do everything in her power to prevent me from speaking normally. She messes up my words, puts my mind blank, so that I forget what I wanna say. It's a big problem for me, because most of my job is a speaker. So every time I am working with my clients, or just speak to anyone the inner child and my true self compete with each other. It's overwhelming. What can I do?

[@DrToriOlds]

I totally get that. I have a similar part myself (though it only comes out in front of certain people...and not in front of a camera, thank goodness!). But I get the mind going blank thing. You know, I would really take time to develop a relationship with this part. The thing is, you probably have other parts that hate (or are at least annoyed with) the 'silencer'. So you have to work with that first, because only when you truly come with an open heart / mind to your silencing part will it reveal itself to you...and tell you what it LEARNED -- I mean what suffering did it learn to avoid by keeping you silent. It will be highly specific and clear ... and I'm sure 'discoverable' -- if you can really be patient and stay open (and maybe the help of a therapist would be good). You could even try working with a Coherence Therapy therapist if you can't find IFS, because they also work with discovering inner learnings that make sense of our behaviors. Hope this helps!! ;)

[@marotiem]

@@DrToriOlds Thank you Dr. Tori.

[@Star-dj1kw]

❤❤Great video

[@semephor]

Great video 😀

[@DrToriOlds]

Thanks Jonny!! I appreciate that :)

[@sankturban291]

Helpful

[@raeliebtag274]

Thank you so much for your videos! Curious about the brain bloom prints at the beginning of the video, those are gorgeous! Does the artist have their work online?

[@armosinai9922]

Wonderful series, thank you for sharing! You mentioned an exercise "I'm in memory" but I can't seem to find it linked... it sounds really interesting.

[@DrToriOlds]

Hopefully I'll get that video up soon! Sorry about that!! If you happen to have the book 'Unlocking the Emotional Brain' (really good read!), it is on page 115 ;)

[@gregliotta9259]

This is SO excellent! Is there a place we can get CEUs watching your classes?

[@sandrawilson8337]

I wish I'd had this in the emergency phase. It might have really helped.

[@zurdyo]

Thanks for this! Is the link to the Coherence Therapy "I'm in memory" exercise you mention somewhere I can't see in the description?

[@Ciskuss]

Really nice and clear. What if a person have a conviction lire 'i'm too ugly, i will be alone for the rest of my life' because of past bullying and can't differentiate the part fronte the present? is it toxic shame? How can I work with that?

[@DrToriOlds]

That certainly does sound like toxic shame. You might need to have support for this piece (like of a therapist), but at some point the part of you that was bullied will probably need you to feel your support and care. As if you can see that part in the memory and see how your adult self feels towards him. You could start by imagining if some OTHER kid were being treated that way...how would you feel toward them? Would you jump in and bully him as well, or would you want to protect him and let him know he is lovable. I'll be putting up some videos on self compassion over the next month or so...so maybe keep an eye out for those?

[@tennesseejermyn7705]

Hello I’ve just discovered ifs and tryna fix myself. Thank you so much for this vid! Lookin forward to exploring. I feel like it’s so interesting the wounded child still exists in an adult. Like the moment is concurrent to the person in the present.wonder if there’s an argument to explore for non linear time in this

[@thezzach]

5:00 Implicit Memories 7:30 exactly

[@brunomushotoku1150]

Thank you for your clarifying video. I dont see the link to the "Im in memory" exercise. I appreciate if you can help me find it. Thank you

[@JP-pq6jr]

From my lived experiences sometimes parts need to blend to heal. Need to blend to feel fully accepted by us. Especially exiles. That's not to say we allow them to take over, but blending is not counter-productive if we can retain boundaries of appropriate behavior.

[@maryattkisson2873]

Your videos are wonderful. I've been going through brainspotting for the past year for childhood trauma. Can you please do a video on brain spotting and your thoughts on it. EMDR did not work for me. Thank you

[@DrToriOlds]

You know, I don't know a ton about brainspotting, though I just watched a demo session my friend did with brainspotting (himself as the demo client), and it certainly seems pretty cool. He did the demo as part of a website that overviews all sorts of experiential therapies, but the specific page for BS is here: www.experiential-psychotherapies.com/brainspotting

[@maryattkisson2873]

@@DrToriOlds thank you Doctor Tori. I feel like brainspotting has alleviated my anxiety somewhat but I think internal family systems is going to do better with my trauma. I hope you have a great weekend.

[@Ruebenjohn8867]

@@maryattkisson2873 Hello how are you doing today?

[@mikejacoubowsky4544]

I do feel IFS should have a bit of a different approach to people who have been living with their trauma issues for 40+ years though. That's 40+ years of protectors and firefighters who have had their way, and I think they act out more forcefully when they feel threatened with losing the only job they know. A 65 year old living with the shameful feelings of her 17 year old self... that's tough. But your voice came through in a way that books and therapist sessions haven't. You got her to really understand the WHY that an exile is created. She was actually taking notes, asking to pause the video, going back... unlike therapy sessions where she just wants to get to the end. We'll follow this one up with your "How do experiences shape your identity" video, in which you brilliantly explain how, what someone may feel intense shame for in their past, may have been, to their brain, a choice of the lesser of two evils. That may be the best undoing of someone's need for shame that I've ever seen. Thank you!

[@gracejaklik2617]

❤

[@MattCurney]

I’m curious about the “I am a memory” exercise you mention.. but I can’t find the link. Do you have it? 🙏🏼 10:42

[@indigo1971]

Thank you Dr. Olds! Could you please tell me where to find the Coherence Therapy exercise you mentioned?

[@DrToriOlds]

Oh sorry, Julie...it's a great question, but you know, I haven't actually posted that one yet. So hopefully soon? It will also be in a video around how to deal with emotional overwhelm. If you happen to have the book (Unlocking the Emotional Brain)---which I do recommend!!--then it is on page 115! (I happen to know because I reference it so often!) ha!