High Functioning Autism (It's NOT what you think!!) | Patrons Choice

High Functioning Autism is not what you think. There are a lot of stereotypes out there but what it actually looks like in adults can be quite different. It's also a myth that 'high functioning' means reduced challenges. Often the opposite is true. High functioning means, invisible needs, and if those needs aren't supported the results can be catastrophic.
CHANNEL LINKS:
Patreon: / aspergersfromtheinside
Facebook: / aspergersfromtheinside
Twitter: / aspiefrominside
Written Blog: aspergersfromtheinside.com/
More Videos: / aspergersfromtheinside
Email: [e-mail]
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
I value your time which means there are NO KZbin ADS on my videos.
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
- What is Aspergers/Autism?
- Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
- Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
- Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplained.com.au
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
Email: [e-mail]
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul

[@dustynpesuti_4162]

This was eye-opening! So in other words, high functioning autism more or less equals mental-stoicism. We suffer every day, yet we become experts at hiding it, at least to a point.

[@wasabiANDkimchi]

TRUTH.

[@mementomori6585]

I love stoicism for this reason. I worked out from a young age that I was better at other people with enduring long term discomfort. Like it was a super power that I hated.

[@wynnhorton1208]

stoicism is a positive thing. I think autism's negative side is that we *do* have pain and that is what can break us. I wish I was more stoic, not less. That pain, like this guy in the video says, is what makes me snap and sometimes I know I am saying the wrong (too truthful) thing, but sometimes i don't. Reacting is the problem. Stoics don't react usually.

[@DavidBowman-mq1bm]

That sounds about right.

[@Sara-dw9hj]

Stoicism sounds so heroic it makes you feel good about yourself. The thing for me is that I can be in a stoic fase until BOOM! I'm not anymore and I break and shut down. I don't usually snap but I do have my moments...

[@SimplyKattastic]

Whenever I hear someone call their child "mildly Autistic", I always think of spice levels and say "I'm the spicy kind"

[@ALu-nq8rf]

"Hot autistics in your area"

[@NoiseDay]

Yes, I am extra hot autistic.

[@tristantheoofer2]

i liek spicy

[@mayhair]

@@ALu-nq8rf I'd sign up for that service.

[@mindbender3379]

Perfect!!!😃

[@iluvhammys]

'mild autism' or 'high functioning' autism just makes my imposter syndrome with all this worse haha I've heard it described as someone with 'low support needs' as well, as in someone who doesn't need a full time caregiver. it's hard not to them hear it as 'mild burden on others' or 'high probability i won't have to deal with your autism'

[@belindaalderson9341]

You described my 37 yr old son . Crashed when he got a great relationship . Pressure

[@ksthoughtpalace3042]

I want to cry, you described this so perfectly. I wish everyone I meet would watch this.

[@kattyrevel5910]

I am crying right now! Paul has so much insight and has shown me so much more about myself, thanks dude 😊

[@jenniesparks9621]

Paul, I'm grateful to you for your calm & informed perspective. After a not so Thank-full holiday yesterday I was glad to find you. I badly needed to hear your even tempered truth telling voice speaking to me today. Thank you.

[@lupearacelycastrohidalgo6330]

A girl that I love has aspergers and I'm absorbing a lot of information like this to understand her! this explains the way she is so much! she's so lovely and I just want to give her all of my love, empathy and understand her

[@ccirish4519]

Are you really crying tho. Lol man.

[@pariahmouse7794]

Same reaction!

[@AutieTalk]

When people are classed in the category of 'mild autism' the expectations placed upon them are huge and that's a big problem in itself. You've explained all of this really well.

[@autismfromtheInside]

thanks!

[@DaleSteel]

What expectations

[@asonstrom4056]

@@DaleSteel The expectations to appear normal and function as NTs. Because "high functioning" Autistic people don't have obvious visible symptoms, people expect them to perform at a high level all the time without addressing the invisible struggles Paul speaks about in the video.

[@DaleSteel]

@@asonstrom4056 some people could tell i didn't act or do things 'normal' bit vast majority including parents didn't realise i had it

[@tristantheoofer2]

i have to get a grade of 85 by teh end of le marking period or i pay 140 bucks bc its private school. its nearly impossible for meh to have a 90+ on anything as a grade and i fucking hate teh 85 thing. i just feel liek its nearly impossible to get dat 85 liek id be fine with an 80 and i wouldnt give a shit.

[@user-fr2tg7pz8r]

I have just been diagnosed with the autism formerly known as Asperger's, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. I will be 51 next month. I have always known I was different, but I have had to fight so hard to get tested. I have learned to mask so well, even people who knew me before I learned to mask are doubtful of my diagnosis. I don't doubt it at all. I'm finally starting to understand myself, and I finally know that I am not alone. Thank you for making these videos.

[@milkbunnies]

Oh man I am right in the exact place you are… turning 51 tomorrow and got diagnosed over the last few months.

[@anja4755]

I hope you will be more at peace with it. You must need a good entourage.

[@fliksn]

​@@milkbunnies wdym

[@suewallace2845]

I am a 75 yr. old woman and was diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder when I was 73. What a relief to finally understand why I had felt different all my life. Like you have experienced, some people (mostly family) haven’t believed my diagnosis. This video was so helpful. I’m usually able to mask my mental/emotional anguish, but occasionally have a verbal “blow-up”, mostly because I have OCD, which causes me to put unrealistic expectations on other people’s (and my) behaviors. Then I mentally berate myself for not being kind enough, compassionate enough, understanding enough, etc. This video really helped me better understand my inner hidden struggles.

[@Alabious]

There is permanent herbs to improve autism. It’s a medicine you can get from Dr Oyalo KZbin channel, his herbs have made my son improve perfectly in his speech and social skills

[@NikiR88]

It’s scary how relatable this is. People don’t realise how much I’m struggling until I breakdown

[@ruidadgmailcanada8508]

Hope you’re doing ok Niki. 😊

[@Andionesiathekid]

A year ago I was crying almost everyday at school because I can't do something or being made fun of bc you guessed it I cried alot and now that I have fought the person that made fun of me a few months ago I cried ALOT less like almost never he made fun of me still but I did not cry anymore I just don't care anymore so i have anger issues but I don't want to express it

[@shayelea]

I’m finally starting to understand why it always took me so long to find a new job when I needed to. I mask really well (even, apparently, from myself!) but I’m sure people always just perceived something “off” about me socially. It’s also why my friends and family never believe how poorly I interview, because once I get to know someone I’m more comfortable around them and a lot of those (I assume) off-putting vibes go away.

[@Typanoid]

Feeling comfortable is absolutely crucial. I've had the experience of trying to talk to someone I'd normally talk really well with in a one-on-one scenario, but put in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by a lot of other people I'm not comfortable with, I just can't open up, can't find the words, or put concepts together properly.

[@aleksandram981]

THIS!! I struggle so hard with conversations with colleagues but when it comes to giving info to a customer I kill it! (As I know it’s a 5 minute interaction at best, I can talk for that long and have topics pre planned like a robot)

[@lastjellyontheplate8828]

Same here, social events always troubled me and still do.

[@SarahWells777]

I am exactly the same way..

[@Theviewerdude]

I'm trying to figure out if maybe I am autistic but have just learned to mask really well. Taking on a sales job and THEN becoming self employed definitely provided the necessary stress to do it well lol. Sink or swim. It is absolutely exhausting, but I can pull it off. That complicates trying to figure out if you are neurotypical or not. Maybe I'm not, but just have learned how to mask exceptionally well.

[@WindspielArt]

I'm waiting for a diagnosis (they said I have to wait at least 6 month for an appointment) but what you say about invisible struggles is sooo true. I CAN do all the things I have to. I CAN make eye contact, I CAN get out of bed every morning, I CAN talk to people about things I dont care... But its so exhausting. I'm at a day clinic at the moment because of depression and they dont get it... And I cant stop funktioning, stop hiding my struggles, because its the only thing I think I can do well... the only thing I know how to live since 33 years :( And I get told "but you are sooooo intelligent" all the time... I wish I wasnt!

[@spareld]

Maybe you need a friend :)

[@MariaNI-yf1bz]

Same here. Im so sorry to hear that.

[@lavenderlane9113]

You just described me. x

[@spenceriow]

I am in the exact same boat. Everyone says I am so intelligent, I have so much potential, they just get it. I am currently on a waiting list for two years to get some support.

[@darn6129]

And also when someone says "but you're so intelligent" when you tell them that you might have autism, they insinuated that if you have autism then that means your dumb! Which is the complete opposite and just goes to show they have no idea what autism really is like. I hope you finally got a diagnosis and treatment.

[@supaipaii]

I used High Functioning around Neurotypicals because they think everyone with Autism is the same. That's why I get the term you don't look Autistic.

[@dangerouskoin4874]

I used to work at microsoft, had a beautiful wife of 10 years, lots of friends aaaand.... now I'm 37, off and on homeless, divorced, no job, and am struggling to restart my life. You pretty much nailed it. I have no idea how to fit into this world any more, how to make friends or even if I want to since people are not understanding... If anyone else relates to this I'm sorry. So damn sorry.

[@gingerhansen1902]

🤗 I do relate and I'm sorry for you too. I hope things are going better for you now.

[@dmrfnk]

I first fell off the rails after high school, just barely completed it. Now I've been in my first job for about six years and am pretty much burnt out, half the time just hoping to get sacked. Watching this part four really struck me hard. Also just found out myself of my autism this weekend watching Paul's videos (via adhd self-diagnosis two months back) after looking for help in relatively good public healthcare for nearly 20 years. Looking forward to watching some videos with more positive content. I hope the op and everyone else relating will find their way to better times.

[@edwardrook8146]

I have noticed many people who don't have this kind of struggle have their good social connection to thank for bouncing back, having somewhere to stay and they easily get a job. My life was the kind of mess you describe. Don't give up! You'll get another shot. I'll pray for you too.

[@firojakasam9129]

No yr not understanding all u people just full of lies and just want attention because and make fool out of people stop eating pigs u might just become human what ever that is

[@ravenmeyer3740]

People are not nice. Most people don’t have empathy or compassion. I think I just found a friend who is autistic. I don’t know if I am, but I sure can relate to most of it. Being abrupt, only means that you are stating your case. How else are you supposed to communicate? Another thing is, you don’t have anything in common with anyone because what do you talk about? Nobody seems to read, or understand global issues, or are interested in reptiles, or bugs, or trees, or other cultures, countries, etc. Even different belief systems. If you don’t have children or family you are an alien. If you don’t have a job, then they think it’s on you. I am beginner to realize that many people feel or experience life much the same way as you. One thing that gets me by, I love being alone and live by myself. I don’t interface with people very often. Just a thought.

[@verdakorako4599]

I really like your illustration of the duck. The duck is paddling it's feet underwater and no one sees how hard it has to paddle to try and keep up with the other ducks.

[@greggstevens9930]

👍Our feet are not webbed, yet we are expected to keep up!

[@SingPure]

@@greggstevens9930 Right the analogy really is that Autistic/Aspergers/ADD/ADHD people have one or even 2 feet which are say not webbed - and that is what is hidden - so from the surface all might seem mostly normal - but it is soo much harder to keep up without having the 'normal' (for a duck) webbed feet.

[@kylebarvel]

Yea, I appear “normal”. High functioning is like being Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde but the other side is like amplified challenges that other people can’t see

[@robertegan3889]

Thank you. I think I finally learned something about myself, why I am the way, I have always been.

[@ginniefayesrantsjamsandmor2015]

Thank you for this. The best quote I have ever seen regarding "mild autism" is this...."when you say that I have mild autism, what I need you to really understand is that what you are saying is that my autism affects YOU mildly."

[@isimonsez]

👎🏼

[@patb6486]

@@isimonsez why?

[@bernlin2000]

Hell yes, that's why I "don't" have "mild autism"...because apparently I was autistic enough to piss people off and note that I was (IN FACT) actually autistic. 🤣 I think it goes to show that a lot of people try (or pretend) to be empathetic, but largely have absolutely zero reference point besides their own current feelings, their own current hormone levels. There's very little logic or deep thought when it comes to trying to empathize with others, apparently. And I tried so hard for so long, too. People just need to be more direct and stop trying to "codify" everything: not everything has to have some hidden meaning or cipher involved.

[@Force1Com]

I have burgers in my azz

[@unknownpresences5627]

​@@bernlin2000 this is why I'm sorta against polite politics cause that's what it does and it's not fair

[@deftloli]

Wow. You just described my entire life especially the last 5 yrs. Thank you for explaining what I've could never been able to articulate so well! You rock Paul!

[@loverainthunder]

Agreed!!!!!

[@ThomasDoubting5]

He's ace

[@Authenictruthoid]

The last part sounded like me ! But I'm a lot older . Plan to get tested next month. Peace

[@peterbelanger4094]

at 7:25 he almost describes me EXACTLY, except I'm 50, and had to drop out of college (3 times) because it was too overwhelming. The loneliness is soul crushing. I am incapable of making friends online, and I have NO options for finding friends offline. I just am not capable of connecting with others through text alone, I need the multi-sensory input of in person communication in order to effectively socialize with others. Even video chat is too disconnected for me. But in the physical world (even during "normal" times) the number of places I can go to socialize is limited. On top of that my primary "stim" is cigarette smoking....I smoke a LOT!, yes nicotine is addictive, but how much I smoke, it has to be more than just that .....I can never stop, and it pushes everyone away. But without social connection, I feel so hopeless, I see not reason to stop... I WANT these things to kill me!!! That's something non smokers do not understand, some of us smokers, especially the heavy ones, are doing this on purpose because we want to die. It's not just about understanding it's bad for health, WE KNOW THAT! That is entirely WHY we smoke, we see no reason to quit. And being outcast and treated as a social pariah for smoking only makes it worse. (So, when you see a smoker, don't lecture then about the ill effects of smoking, you are telling them something they already know. Help them feel worthwhile, and why their life is worth preserving.) I never married, I don't have kids. My only friend lives 1000 miles away. I just wait for life to end :(

[@jasmina.8473]

Hey Peter, I hope you are still doing okay. I don't know how to help you, but I know the feeling of being isolated and utterly alone. I have thought about moving to live closer to my home town and my family even if we aren't close. At least there, everything around me will feel familiar.

[@filmparacosm945]

I started crying toward the end of this video because listening to you describe that "55-year-old" was hearing an aged story of my current struggles and it impacted me so, so deeply that I can barely begin to explain how I feel. I have been extensively researching ASD on/off for nearly a year now and although I have only this evening come to the conclusion that I can no longer deny the overwhelming confirmation that I have autism, it was this video that made me cry thinking, "I can finally let go of the shame I feel for being unemployment, friendless, and single for the last two-and-a-half years thinking there's something so horribly wrong with me that no one will ever understand or be able to help, so what's even the point of living?" My rampant cynicism, nihilism, and pessimism have remained unyielding and progressively worsening with each passing day for years and I feel like I can finally breathe and allow myself to be hopeful. I thought it was me, all me. I thought I was some defective human, damaged far too much to ever believe anything will ever get better, but I feel so much less alone. I finally have the smallest fragment of hope. Actual, genuine hope. You will never know how grateful I am that I happened upon this. I wish there were enough words in the English language to describe that gratitude to you.

[@TR-zu8zd]

Very useful video, thank you!

[@hellomiakoda3782]

All my things came tumbling down, and everyone's just kicking and saying "Hey, the rent is still due". Except relationships... I have most my friends still, but that is entirely because of who I picked for friends.

[@lmichaud8586]

This is the best explanation of high functioning autism I've ever seen. "Invisible struggles" is a nice way to put it. Like when a magician is performing a trick, and makes it look easy. But, all that's going on (Behind what the eye can see) requires a ton of research, processing and practice. It drains a ton of energy. People should be grateful for all the hidden work you are doing for them (to appear normal), but they can't see it, so they won't give you a standing ovation even if you certainly deserve one. Then, suddenly, you stop the magic tricks cause your battery is under 5%, and you are booed off the stage. That's life.

[@tessconnors4463]

I love this analogy. And I love magic tricks.

[@neverforget3520]

Always starting over from zero. Thank you.

[@ThomasDoubting5]

I understand how that feels

[@anhaicapitomaking8102]

Well put.

[@rhianimal19]

Last one hired, first one fired. You only get hired when they run out of bodies. You're the first one downsized because you don't easily develop secondary relationships with other workers. They want employees who can wear many hats and juggle a lot of extra responsibilities instead of a specialist who is very good at their primary job. You go for very long periods of under employment which results in lack of healthcare, which means no treatment regimen. So you spin out of control making it harder to maintain stability. You depend on relatives who get tired of you "fucking up and losing jobs," until they pull the plug. You begin self medicating to compensate and get accused of being irresponsible or a drug addict. If you're hIgH fUnCtIoNiNg you work your way back to sustainability, only to repeat the cycle next time. Over. And over. And over. You don't live life, you SURVIVE life.

[@katedawson6654]

@@rhianimal19 100% its a curse.

[@noeliaklenk3128]

Very useful video, thank you very much

[@narutogoldylocks]

I’m waiting to get tested so idk if I have ASD or not, but I’m halfway through the video and HOLY SH*T THIS IS ME. I am ALWAYS on the brink of having a meltdown, & this is something my mother never understood. Some small thing would happen & bam. I’d be on the floor bawling my eyes out. This has happened through my adult life, btw. And her response has always been, “What HAPPENED all of a sudden?!” And she gets super angry at me & yells at me. I moved out a year ago & it has improved my mental health but geez Louise. It is really hard to explain to people that just doing basic life function stuff is difficult for me & SO energy draining because I seem to function just fine.

[@writerwannabe8778]

What you describe could be autism, or it could be something else. Emotion regulation is something difficult for people with autism, but also for people with adhd. I am autistic and we're wondering if I also have adhd. Diagnoses and figuring out in general what exactly is happening inside our minds, is tricky. It's so complex. Also because there's a lot to a person, a lot to life. Just remember: there's a lot to you, so if you do have autism, that's not all there is to you, but you have a right to treatment if it gets in the way of things, you are worth it without having to do anything to deserve it, you are just as valuable on your bad days as you are on your good days. And if someone doesn't understand, you are not to blame, but explain or let it go, whatever helps you most. Remember that they don't need to understand, only respect what you ask of them and if they don't understand, let them in on what is happening or that there's happening more than they know inside. Even if it's hard. Even if it takes energy. Even if you cannot do it, charge your batteries first, but let people in on what is going on inside. I promise you things will get better and people will understand more than you think, as long as you let them in on what it all means. People assume when they don't know things and they judge unfamiliar things. So get them to understand. The best of luck. I hope all of your dreams come true, I hope you will feel better soon and find peace and strength to make it through life and actually get to live, too ❤

[@silvershadow5652]

Where I am Aspergers Syndrome stopped being used as a classification, and I was reclassified as high functioning autism. I often am trying very hard to remain coherent in conversation, to the point where when I break down I effectively am incapable of communication. It is disheartening when resources that were there to help dry up, and when you can spend over a decade applying to jobs and no one wants to hire you. Its worse when you try to explain why things are difficult and they say, "no you are so bright so you must just be lazy to not be able to do what you need to." If people dont see the constant day to day struggle they dont think there is one, and it takes everyone by surprise when you just cant do anything. It doesnt matter if you are positive or negative, bubbly or pessimistic. People dont want to take the time to listen and only treat you on what they see upfront, and sometimes you have to just grin and bear it to be around anyone. And it breaks you. I wish it were easy to explain it clearly to people, and I wish that places were more willing to work with someone who struggles in silence. Its gotten to where I dont even try to warn people I have these kinds of issues, as they dismiss them before long because I look fine. I look ok. As the results are the same either way, its less stressful to use less effort on people who dont care beyond what they see.

[@tristantheoofer2]

dude i alsp struggle with teh speech thing. alot of teh time i stutter. alot

[@JohnnyYeTaecanUktena]

I don't even tell people i just let them think i am a blunt sarcastic asshole which sadly being a blunt sarcastic asshole has its benefits in life as people actually start to like you then

[@Nick_Lamb]

You can't be all things to all people. Masking has always been a great tool for me. Are you still struggling? Perhaps you are trying to be too genuine. That is the impression I get from your comment.

[@silvershadow5652]

@@Nick_Lamb I am not talking about trying to do whatever I can for people, I am talking about basic function. If I get too stressed, I am unable to put any thoughts into words, and must struggle to try to communicate nonverbally, assuming they have the patience for that and do not assume Im blowing them off and get upset. It takes what is to others a surprising amount of effort to keep up with a conversation in real time, as well, as if I dont put alot of effort in there are pauses between when someone else talks and when I do. It was so noticeable what when I was a child Ive gotten into trouble for noncompliance at times. I do not have many people I interact with regularly. I appreciate the attempt to help, and masking is something Im trying to add to my repertoire, but it was not what I was trying to convey in my original post.

[@Nick_Lamb]

@@silvershadow5652 "I am not talking about doing whatever I can for people" When I said "you can't be all things to all people" I meant basic function, sorry. You can't appear in the way you want for every person. For me when I feel my mask has slipped or I have performed a social misstep I can go into a shut down where I need to leave, and often this puts people in a concern mode which makes my symptoms worsen. Sometimes this happens just when I've had too many conversations, or a certain kind of conversation, or something unexpected happens and the event changes. This state is very hard for others(and me really)to understand, and that misunderstanding makes it get worse for me. The tip of masking, if you are working on it, is essentially to let go of that need for perfect expression. Do you mirror others behavior as well? Do you use comedy at all? To me, a laugh is always good. Although I have been in situations where people would not *stop* laughing just because of how I looked to them. That was frustrating but I kind of still enjoyed it. For conversations in real time I have found "commenting" on what was said and dropping it instead of trying to express my full thoughts works well. As for me, when I start they just keep going until the conversation partner finds one thing that they misinterpreted and the whole conversation becomes that and I shut down. Happens in my comments to though sometimes. Anyways, if you want to be friends here is my discord: NickL #2764

[@thed.a.4939]

The third part describes me perfectly! Like someone once said, "Twice the effort, half the outcome."

[@travisjamesmanitopyes7592]

Ouf

[@FreyaKane-ho7vd]

Thank u for this I'm autistic high functioning and it's really hard for me so far I keep getting angry and having meltdown over nothing

[@rowenabisschoff]

Struggles are invisible 😢I’m literally tearing up. Thanks for your channel.

[@kerrywatkin1847]

Thank you for explaining that. I have a daughter who is “high functioning “ and until now I hadn’t really understood the diagnosis. I didn’t like the term because I could see how much she struggled even though she is very intelligent and appears to be able to do most things life throws at her. I now understand that she is always living on the edge and that must be enormously exhausting. Yet another thing for me to talk to her about and maybe workout how to help her with. Thanks again. I find these clips so very useful.

[@princezzpuffypants6287]

On behalf of everyone on the spectrum, thanks for trying so hard to understand your daughter. So many of us have parents who make no real effort to comprehend us. We know we are difficult and that it takes extra work for us to understand each other. We are doing our best to understand you (our parents/family/friends) and we (I) appreciate it when you meet us half way.

[@habituscraeftig]

Your daughter is lucky that you understand the effort she puts in at such an intuitive level. My parents were schoolteachers and fought tooth and nail for my ADHD (only diagnosis, at the time) to be taken seriously by the schooling system, but I still got my fair share of "Why can't you just-?" from one particular parent at home. And it was always while I was actively working on accomplishing something that for me was incredibly difficult and took an enormous amount of effort. And I get that what they were trying to ask was "Why can't you just [X] without all this extra effort?" but too me, it was incredibly frustrating, because here I AM IN FACT DOING [X], and I am putting in all this effort to make sure [X] in fact happens, and it was incredibly off-putting that instead of recognition for all the work I was putting in, I was essentially told that doing [X] the way I was doing [X] wasn't good enough, because I was supposed to somehow also make it loom effortless. And it's not my job to Mask at home. I'm not being cross. I'm not being unpleasant. But I can't make-believe that this is easy for me, I clearly don't have the bandwidth for that, or you wouldn't be saying anything. And I shouldn't have to be hiding that from my parents. Ultimately, they were aware of how much effort I was putting in, but sometimes their discomfort with my struggles got misdirected at me, and it felt like it was something I was supposed to "fix," and it was really frustrating because (even though I wasn't diagnosed with Aspergers at the time) I had this perfectly functional medical explanation for EXACTLY why I "couldn't just-," and my parents who were able to articulate my needs and difficulties to others somehow still failed to actually cope with watching me struggle in front of them. I don't want to malign my parents. The parent who always asked this question was the one who ended up fixing my biggest problems by getting me out of high school and into a college environment where I could flourish. It was just one specific example of something that always rankled.

[@TheFanDubFan]

You sound like a loving parent 😊

[@JayArr96]

I just want to echo the responses you've already gotten, despite this being such an old comment. At the end of last year, my life fell completely apart. I sought help, was informed by my therapist that she DIDN'T believe I was autistic, when I was diagnosed and had already gone through the cycle of accepting that part of me many years ago. Since then, I have been pointed in the direction of a Brain Institute and have been properly diagnosed. I am autistic. This video puts words to how I feel from a professional and I'm so glad it's fueled you to understand your daughter's autism further. My parents have helped me every step of the way and now I think I may be finally getting my life on track after 25 years of spinning my wheels in place. The power you parents hold in the lives of your children is a precious opportunity to change a life. I am thankful for my parents and for parents like you.

[@TheFanDubFan]

@@bolinhong2598 Disclaimer: If people read this and get their hopes up, please do research on alternative medicine first, it often doesn't work. At the very least, please look into the porcedure and the side effects so you don't put your child (or yourself) in danger.

[@36Jon36]

I was constantly overwhelmed and burnt out at my job for years until one day I broke down and started yelling and hitting the doors and kicking stuff around. Everyone was so surprised because I always looked "so calm and composed." People were just asking me extremely concerned, "what happened?" I like how this video described it. Nothing happened. I was already in constant anguish everyday, it was just something extra that took me over my limit.

[@laurenpaterson3475]

Yes my son like that he puts up with a lot of stuff then gets upset

[@merwench]

ONE DAY? I'm 60 and on permanent disability. I can't even COUNT the number of times that happened to me (& how many jobs I had before the PTSD got too much) over the course of my 24-year career. I didn't get fired from ALL of them. I was forced to quit some & injured by others due to repetitive motions.

[@merwench]

@@laurenpaterson3475 Yep, story of my life.

[@rogermoore8048]

I know, I have been there too.

[@taylorfm-tk4by]

I relate and I don't has asd that I know of but I'm research

[@FuturaConsulting]

Outstanding video and thank you.

[@hisnewlife3543]

I hate it when people say, “But you appear so normal.”

[@stevenvanhulle7242]

That's kind of our own "fault": many aspies are intelligent AND keen observers, so they'll often (involuntarily) mimic others' behavior in order to fit in. The drawback is that their condition often goes unnoticed for as long as decades. (I was 57 when I found out.) BTW, even worse is: "But you don't LOOK autistic." 😣

[@jesterskully563]

His New Life IKR?

[@Zero-pe3iq]

Hell plenty of people don't even know they are on the spectrum for a very long time. So sometimes even you; yourself consider yourself unique perhaps but not to have a notable different brain than most other people. You think of yourself as someone with issues, but not someone who has a brain that isn't typical. So I mean its not like even people who may have almost everyone convinced they aren't notable different can very much be an aspies. Then again I wouldn't identity with label like that even if it turns out my issues(of which there are many) and quirky way of being was mild autism. Because personally I have no interest in identifying as a person with such a loaded term like autism. Aspie can get the same idea across to someone, so the word change doesn't help so I wouldn't do that either. At least I don't think I would.

[@krazeemetalchickstewart9961]

I know that its annoying

[@pepegalord460]

Take it as a compliment, most people on the spectrum are standing out, in an cringy/awkward way.

[@scottdrury7404]

Thank you so much for this. As an autistic adult with a profession and high level of intelligence, I get labeled “high functioning” mostly. I’m not. It’s just like you said. For short periods, I can make it appear to the outside world that all the parts of my life are working well. First off, maintaining that appearance takes every ounce of effort I have when I’m functioning at my best. Second, I can only maintain that level of energy use for at most a few weeks at a time. Third, I’ve never once in my entire life had more than two areas of my life functioning even moderately well. I can’t maintain a full-time job. I can’t maintain my living environment on my own. I can’t maintain social relationships. People see me, and do not understand. They think I’m lazy, or messy, or antisocial. I’m not any of those. I’m just limited in how much I can do. Even mental health professionals don’t understand my challenges, even when clearly explained. It’s very frustrating. Your videos help a lot in understanding and maintaining myself. Thanks again.

[@trina1962]

YES!YES!YES! I thought I was so tired and lazy when I would crash and say the most awful things to myself. I'm 42 and Just got diagnosed and I'm crying because now I know there us a REASON and I'm not just a faulty person.

[@scottdrury7404]

@@trina1962 Yes! Diagnosed ASD a year ago. I always thought I was a broken mess. Now I feel like a whole person. Life is so much easier for me, now that I understand how being autistic has shaped who I am. So happy you have reached this place, too. ❤️

[@Theundergroundwoman]

​@@scottdrury7404 I'm 20 and a student, I'm scared of never becoming a fully normal adult. What I've understood so far is that it's going to be hard for me. So I'm considering getting a diagnosis too...

[@brianmeen2158]

The “energy problems” with autism are brutal. Zapped by brief social interactions or duties. It’s awful and I’m about in as good physical shape as a guy can get. This makes it harder for those to accept or understand me.

[@brianmeen2158]

@@Theundergroundwoman definitely get a diagnosis and then look into possible treatments. You do not want to try and deal with autism on your own

[@jennieforsberg4415]

Thank you!❤

[@Jennifer_150]

This so perfectly describes my “invisible” lifelong struggle with depression and anxiety. Thank you!

[@swiftsiamese854]

Exactly what I need to know about my son, 26 yrs old, master's degree accounting, difficulty finding work. Very intelligent, but doesn't come off well at interviewing.

[@madshorn5826]

The Danish company "Specialisterne" match people on the spectrum with jobs matching their competencies. Mostly in computer science I think, but once a company has seen how accommodating a little can bring huge returns they may be willing to utilize expertise from autists in other areas. I think Google and Microsoft are among the affiliated companies. Try writing Specialisterne an email and see if they have some suggestions for companies near you. Or if they've got some open positions on their website. specialisterneusa.com/ Best of luck.

[@kls701]

@@madshorn5826 Thank you for posting! I am going to look into that!

[@suzannewhitehead6087]

I have a flair for booking keeping, but realised a bit too late and my math is rather bad, so I would never be able to get work doing the books, which is frustrating, because I find such joy in managing home accounting.

[@madshorn5826]

@@suzannewhitehead6087 Make sure what level of math is required and maybe give math another try. As a high school math teacher I have seen a lot of pupils led to believe that they were "bad at math" when in reality they just needed the right nudge. Try giving Khan Academy a go. It is a free service where you can learn math (and biology and physics and ...) and jump in at ANY level and go from there. The concept is a short video and 10 exercises. When the exercises is correct you get a badge and a new video. I think there is an intro test to let you start at the right level, but it is not compulsive.

[@sal99]

I have read many times that accounting is a good career choice for many people on the spectrum. Your son could get experience in small firms maybe through agencies that help get temporary posts in accountancy. The agencies also provide support with how to perform in interviews and offer jobs in different areas of accountancy. After this he may be more confident with having interviews at bigger firms.

[@johnmaddison3427]

I am 47 years of age and that is the first time anyone has ever described what goes on in my head. I am for probably the first time in my life truly lost for words 😀

[@christinagrainger2204]

Thankyou so much. Thankyou for all your ministry to us. How perfectly and wonderfully you are made. You are truly explaining what autism is, it's struggles etc. You have truly helped me to love and accept myself for the first time in my life (60years plus). I finally understand myself, my life, my struggles. I no longer feel unacceptable and a complete failure. Finally self acceptance has opened my heart to experience joy, hope and peace. I bless you and your beautiful life and ministry in the precious name of Jesus 🥰

[@kailomonkey]

Great explanation and describes my life. 41 with a degree, no relationship, no job, no future...

[@diarts4458]

My 21 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and this video makes so much sense. The duck frantically paddling underwater while gliding by is a great comparison. We’re learning every day and with videos like this we feel more in tune with things and less alone, thank you so much.

[@anacarolinasouza3804]

sorry, it's been a year, but it was so heartwarming to know about a parent of an autistic adult who actually tries to understand how their child's brain works and how to help them. (saying as someone who was diagnosed last year as a 22yo)

[@malpaw2371]

@@lilylaura6955 Fuck off. Autism isn’t a disease herbs have no effect on “treatment” Stop seeing autism as something to “cure” you’re gonna fuck your kid up. The herbs aren’t doing anything your daughter, like most autistic people, is understanding that you expect her to do better and is trying to react to your expectations to make you happy in reality you’re causing her a lot of stress. Its like asking a dog to not be a dog. People like you suck

[@Gigi-wb8pe]

I relate to this so much. I think I hold my opinions, feelings and emotions in because when I express them, it causes a problem. I'm "too blunt" or "too aggressive" or "too direct"... always TOO something! Yet, in my heart, I'm not that at all. I find it impossible to communicate any difficult or observant idea in a way that NTs can handle, so I hold it in until BOOM. But even my BOOM is 100% internal - resulting in chronic migraines, anxiety and anger. I found out I was Autistic just a year ago and I'm 53. All of these years I've just been shaming myself for having "a really bad temper". Wow.

[@megatuanis]

That t-shirt slogan 👍

[@shawnl5874]

You have literally, in a nutshell, explained my entire life. I'm sharing it with friends who don't get me. Hopefully they will have a better understanding because most people don't understand the internal (hidden) struggles we go through on a day to day basis. This has to be among the best condensed, yet detailed, description of what it is like to live with this.

[@vinya12]

so true. i find it harder now that i am older and people seem less caring

[@hybridgoth]

That's unfortunate you should be left to feel that way, I hope you find the care you crave.😉

[@vinya12]

@@hybridgoth Thank you hun :)

[@MariaNI-yf1bz]

I never felt that people cared. Im so sorry, but its nice that you had that experience that people cared about you. You have the tools to make new friends, please do not give up.

[@zebnemma]

I was diagnosed at 18 I never got help in my childhood so I'm not sure what's worse TBH, to never really gotten help or to have help in childhood but then it's stripped away?

[@xotleti]

That's how it feels. I never truly got help as I wasn't diagnosed but at least, as a teenager/young adult, it was possible to find someone to talk. Now in my 30s people just seem to analyze me in a glance and give up on me.

[@adrianlehvy826]

"Not a team player, grumpy, territorial" AKA social anxiety and i need my workspace organized a certain way so i can focus.

[@Typanoid]

It's a bad workman that blames his tools. Here's a first rate, highly sophisticated, but delicate tool that can solve complex problems and is really eager to solve problems in general (I presume) and solve them well, but the workman is an idiot and decides to use it as a simple hammer, and then gets bitchy when the sophisticated tool doesn't work well as a hammer (because the sophisticated tool wasn't DESIGNED to be a flippin' hammer in the first place!). It's an oversimplification, but I hope it gets the basic idea across.

[@indranikeiki1392]

I feel completely identified with this.

[@juanitahardy8583]

Always the duck paddling like mad under the water while on the surface things look smooth to others. People around me are totally unaware of my struggles, they think everything works out for me, that I literally have my sh** together. I tend to focus on the positive most of the time. I work hard to keep my vibration high.

[@meghanhillson6863]

I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, "mild" OCD, ADHD, Severe Depression, Major Depressive Disorder, EDs, Generalized Anxiety, and Severe Social Anxiety, and I am barely a function human being. People always tell me "you don't *SEEM* autistic" and I'm just like "hold let me have a mental breakdown due to heat and audio over stimulation". I am constantly battling with myself to act normal. I believe it's called Masking, and I've gotten pretty good at it mostly due to my very bad fear of judgement. I cannot take care of my living environment on my own. I can only do the bare minimum for myself on my own. I can socialize ok but I am faking it 97% of the time. I snap like a sugar sculpture. I am very irritable and I am constantly feeling guilt because of it. I am smart. I take all honors classes. I am striving for a career in medicine. However, I need constant support from teachers and things explained to me in simpler words not because I'm stupid but because my brain literally cannot put words together to understand them be it when talking or listening. I am a capable human being I just need help. Autism spectrum is a spectrum of how well you can maintain a neurotypical appearance. It is not a measure of how autistic you are. I am as autistic as you are, I just have more control over my outwards appearance. I am still autistic. I am still me.

[@AndroidsGhost]

I really wish there were more help for people who get diagnosed later than life. It seems "what can we do for autistic people?" ALmost always equates to, "What can we do for autistic children/teens." Then even if there are resources for adults they seem to be for those who already have jobs. "yay our company is so progressive we are hiring qualified candadites who just so happen to have autism."

[@canny7x]

Part of the issue, at least from my perspective, is that most psychologists don't even know how to identify ASD in the first place. Let alone how to 'help' someone 'on the spectrum'. (I wasn't diagnosed with ASD until I was 59. But over the years it seems I was diagnosed with everything else.) *rolleyes*

[@AndroidsGhost]

@Jonathan Ouch. I've been unemployed since october just unable to find more work after I crashed and burned at my last job. I am doing my best to not just go where ever will take me, but it's hard to keep hope up that anything better than a long series of unfulfilling dead end jobs await.

[@a8lg6p]

@Jonathan I feel ya, man. I have ADD, and with every one of these videos I watch, I become more convinced that I'm also autistic. I did ok in college, but I just coasted by with GPA of 3.2. I read academic literature for fun, but never what I was assigned. Enlisted in the military for lack of a better idea, which paid for an online MA that I never used (it's good on my resume at least), but then got kicked out for not doing my job for a week... Long story, sort of...had just been diagnosed with ADD, but they took me off Adderall, and I couldn't find a good psychiatrist, but they would give me Paxil, which seemed at the time to offer better hope of overcoming my autistic issues (even though neither I nor the doctors recognized them as that)...so I sort of abused it, which contributed to me being in a sort of manic state for a while, during which I was obsessed with some stupid personal project...kept putting off my tedious brainless work, which no one noticed until they did after a week, so I was kicked out, could no longer pay the credit card debt I had accumulated... So I taught English overseas for a decade. Would have been stuck there in a dead-end career, but decided I needed to make a change, and with the support of my parents, taught myself to be a programmer, which I only began to discover later in life that I enjoyed and had a knack for, which is the one job in my life where I don't have a hard time getting my work done. (My big mistake was trying desperately to overcome my challenges instead of playing to my strengths...I failed at sales, waiting tables...I was mostly an adequate but not particularly good teacher, and I got fired from that once too.) It keeps me engaged. But if it weren't for that, I don't know what the fuck I would have done. At 35, I had plenty of education but no real job skills. I'm still never married and have not a penny to my name. I think I'm turning my life around finally. Everyone always assumed I was going places and would be more successful than most. But I was on the verge of stocking shelves at Walmart or something before I finally got my first programmer job after a year and a half. I can see how easy it can be for people with issues to fall through the cracks and get stuck. ADD + autism is a serious recipe for major difficulties in all domains of life...relationships, career, finances...

[@MsDamosmum]

I get so frustrated that all the research and strategies are for kids and teens Not because I begrudge them (I certainly hope they have an easier time of it than we seem to have had) But why not support for adults and mature adults too. Trying to get through a day's work feels more like two and a half days. There seems to be so much to get done I often don't eat a proper meal because I've not got the brain power left to organise the task! I'll sometimes have a glass of wine and a pack of crisps instead of an evening meal.

[@foozjen]

@Jonathan I feel your pain. I had a number of jobs like that in my younger days. Going to work was a a form of torture. I'll never forget when a date I barely knew way back said to me, "I want my wife to work. I want her to be fulfilled." I remember thinking, "Fulfillment? On the job? What is he talking about?" I never went out with him again because I knew I would be in 2 hells of having to work and dealing with babies and small children. I knew I would never be able to do both. Back to your problem though, have you thought about finding a job coach? My son who has some similar issues to you and cannot keep a job, is going that route through a state agency.

[@omarcrosby]

Thank you so much for explaining this the way you did. It really opened my mind to the condition. Again, thank you.

[@saravezelaj941]

Wow! Thanks for the breakdown. This really really helped!

[@ambero.4074]

I've only watched 3 of your videos so far, but must say thank you. I'm the mom of a "high functioning autistic" and you describe so well some of the exact challenges she has that I may see, but others often really don't. I also appreciate the comparison to high functioning anxiety, as I struggle with that myself, and that statement just helped me to better understand her in relation. It is awesome that you have the courage to do this and are trying to help others.

[@punditgi]

As a neurotypical person dealing with a middle aged person in denial about their Asperger's syndrome this video is immensely helpful. Keep up the great work! 🎉😊

[@eviefriend3976]

My older brother, who is nearly 60 , was recently diagnosed with autism . When I found out it completely made sense and I cried. All these years…

[@tysondanby2525]

I have come to the realization lately that I may have undiagnosed Autism. Thank you for making this video as I feel that it really resonated with me. I have always felt that my anxiety and stress are on the brink of collapse. Meanwhile on the outside it seems that people see me apparently doing great academically and functioning socially. The frustrating thing is that I feel like I can never really relax and sometimes the smallest things can cause me unusual stress/upset. Your video really made me feel understood, and It helped me realize that other people have some of the same struggles.

[@mikemaj8467]

You bring up excellent points that provide input to the question if autism gets worse with age. I am a 53 year old male who has always maintained a full time job since I was 18. Around 35 I could see I was getting more and more burned out but didn't know why. I was just diagnosed at the age of 52 and am in the middle of my first leave of absence from work. I am hoping I can transition to receiving SSDI benefits. My spouse of 24 years is disabled and not receiving income or assistance. This didn't bother me as earlier on I was making a decent wage, but as my burn out became more evident as I aged I would continue to lose jobs and my wage has decreased significantly. I am so stressed between trying to support both of us financially and balance our mental health. It's really a struggle. It's hard to find mental health care.

[@fuyuseetaa]

I was always regarded as "high-functioning" because people would always say I was very intelligent and articulate, they couldn't even tell I was autistic. But upon watching this video I think that the idea I was ever "high-functioning" was an illusion... I've struggled pretty much my entire life with making friends (even more with keeping them) and doing my homework. It was so bad I had to go to a specialized private school that drained all of our money, and while I did end up surviving, I've been a NEET ever since. Maybe I was never "high-functioning" at all and I've been sweeping my very real disability under the rug. "It's not that bad, I don't even think I'm struggling. I'm just being lazy!" (Not even mentioning my other mental illnesses by the way.) This video was really eye-opening. Thank you.

[@olenick9590]

Whats NEET mean? Thank u🙏

[@LightSoul-8]

@@olenick9590"Not in Education, Employment, or Training"

[@olenick9590]

@@LightSoul-8 wow...thank u🙏 i never knew...NEET affects sooo many folks esp in terms of health(occupational, financial, mental health, social health,etc etc)

[@VaronPlateando]

well, if you consider 'multiple intelligence theory' by howard gardner et al. there's be multiple areas | spheres of intelligences to manifest in. the so-called IQ is only addressing 3 of them (math-logical, verbal expr., spatial imagination), as these can be easily probed into and abstractly codified. but those spheres all need to be probed into in media of related expression - see musical intelligence or bodily-kinaesthetical: what does just asking anyone about it come up with ?! and same + even more so with intra- + inter-personal intelligence (all distinct from 'emotional' one, because emotions accompany any cognitive activity else). so my take is that 'high-functioning' primarily relates to capacity to not obviously bother NTs despite all the stresses and additional burden to bear for just dealing with average them and 'society' (and saying goes: fish can't see water). as long as latter 'adaptive successes' are invisible and irrecognisable to NTs, one does apparently 'function well' amongst them (incl. those who'd utter diagnoses), sufficing to ignore else. and all while there are of course multiple antagonistic tribes, excluded substrates + cohorts etc. with primarily rampant NT normies.

[@Jacq.T]

The first three points of this were very informative, but you forgot the other invisible "High Functioning" people, the approximately 30

[@mdavis201]

I've been in a highly stressful job the past several months that has sent me into autism regression. Every time someone tells me what a "great job" I'm doing, I reply, "Maybe, but it's come at a huge price." This video really nailed it.

[@allenmitchell3596]

Great Video, 1 of the best explained yet on KZbin... thanks!! !!!!!

[@avengedprophet1559]

It‘s this mentality that harms undiagnosed autistic people, which tells us to grit our teeth, push through and become successful. I did that. Except for the „become successful“ part. On paper my life looked great, until I quit my job because I couldn‘t continue going to this place. It was a living hell for almost 4 years. School was bad due to the bullying but I had enough capacities to get good marks (most of the time). It was work that exceeded my capacities by a lot. Being monitored more closely, not having any routine anymore, people noticing my inconsistent productivity (in school I could always just learn some more to catch up for the exams at least), being expected to multitask all of a sudden, getting interrupted every few minutes, having way more workload and responsibility and to top that all of, every second task was treated as an emergency that had to be done immediately. I‘ll never work as an IT administrator ever again. Being understaffed seems to be normal there so the stress is often intense. When I said I quit everyone was shocked or at least very surprised. I never told anyone about my problems because I was afraid that my limits and boundaries would let them think I‘m weak so I pretended it was fine. Though I was also thaught to just push through and ignore my needs because I needed to be „worth the money“. The only moment I stood up for myself was when someone wanted me to go back to work after an operation on my nose early (due to breathing problems). I knew that this could have a very bad impact on my health so I politely declined that suggestion (because my nose was very unstable after the operation and the whole ordeal might have to be repeated if my blood pressure would rise early after the operation). Impostor syndrom might be one of the worst and most harmful things about masking because part of it is denying our needs until it‘s too late.

[@bayanbishara6666]

thank you so much for sharing this with us. appreciate it

[@vinicius100acento]

you've just described my life...

[@RainbowPyramid]

FANTASTIC VIDEO. Yes! It looks like I am doing well, but I have been on the brink for years. Other people's assumption about how well I cope only adds to the stress of life!

[@saralevymusic]

amazing video ! thank you so much - you explain everything so well

[@jeanlittle405]

Perfect description! You are the "Aspie Whisperer"!!! Thanks, Paul! :o)

[@judy3turn]

Thank you for whatever struggles you have overcome to get these important messages out.

[@Tom-xs3mn]

You are a great teacher thank you

[@hamburgermenetekel]

I watched your videos for a while before I was diagnosed with autism this year. But in this video I just focused on your wristband from Rock in the Park!🤘

[@littlewillowlinda]

There’s such a big gap for adults. My friends knew this about me but still gave me crap for not trying hard enough to meet new people/ get a job etc. and even when something unexpected happens and I’m trying to cool myself off they didn’t understand why I was making such a “big deal”. Unfortunately I chose to be alone after that but it just sucks that people don’t seem to care at all after a while of pretending to be inclusive.

[@kevindiaz-lane4404]

The shoulder wave movement is a replacement to the bouncing ball. Some viewer complained that the bouncing ball was distracting so Paul gave that up and the motor-sensory need found a subconscious substitute. 😉 Let Paul run his own show the way that works best for him, and you adapt to his adaptations for once! It’s not equitable that aspies are always the ones who have to make all that internal effort to fit into neuro-typical’s world.... After all, much of how the world functions and accepted norms are usually pretty arbitrary. IOWs, one is not right and the other wrong

[@virtualmartini]

In fact, neurotypicals really hardly ever have to modify their behavior because they already naturally do what they're 'supposed' to do - so really asking them to modify it to make someone else comfortable for once shouldn't upset them - they are so unused to the very idea of it that they do get upset though. This creates a lot of friction between neurotypicals and aspies, because we (aspies) see it as a little pathetic that people can't do for a few minutes what we've been doing our whole lives, just to give us a breather.

[@chrislin2774]

Neurotypicals should never have to modify their behaviors. Aspies should always take note on what it takes to proceed a reasonable transaction and they have a choice to conform or not. If it's emotionally or psychologically taxing, the person with Asperger's have a choice and need to be aware of consequences just like any other human being. I don't think empathy or lack thereof is a problem. If a person decides to slow down a transaction, society will continue to move forward with or without them.

[@OtaconEmmerich]

This seems like a nice balance, as an aspie myself I can understand the tik as I've got a few myself. If this works for him it seems perfectly fine to me.

[@SatanenPerkele]

I don't get aspergers who performs OCD stimming.

[@reson8]

@@chrislin2774 I completely disagree. Everyone should modify their behaviour to keep people happy as much as they are able to. The NT entitlement is omnipresent.

[@Cvickers419]

Thank you for this video. Also, love your lion poster behind you 😉

[@MartaWawer]

Thanks Paul, great video as many others❤️

[@dickmacgurn590]

High functioning just means that you perform adequately at most tasks despite your handicap.

[@manlyadvice1789]

That evaluation only applies when seen from the outside.

[@DaleSteel]

Handicap or gift? It likely means you above normal intelligence i know I got an high IQ

[@CynicalOldDwarf]

@@DaleSteel Depends on if you had a nurturing childhood to make use of that high IQ All the IQ in the world isn't going to help you if you're dragged down by neurotic baggage from adverse childhood experiences. Like Learning? You won't when you go through an education system that focuses on what you're bad at instead of what you're good at. Need people to support you? Not something you're going to look for when your trust has been damaged and betrayed by family, friends, and teachers.

[@princezzpuffypants6287]

I dont consider my autism a disability. I normally hate the term "differently abled" (as though someone with no legs has some other special ability that makes up for their inability to walk?), but in the case of autism, I really AM differently abled. I may not handle large social gatherings well, but working one on one with someone, I can generally help them solve problems even if they've been working on them quite some time because I view the world, and therfore their situation, so differently... just one example

[@rendeverance]

@@CynicalOldDwarf what you say is true 😥

[@nemmielicious]

This was incredibly insightful, thank you so much for making this video.

[@TheresaTurdici]

Thank you for this. It's helpful for me to understand.

[@bellaluce7088]

I appreciate these videos so much. Thank you.

[@fmenear]

I love your description of invisible struggles. My son is so smart and "high functioning " it's easy for me to forget about his invisible struggles and not understand when something small sets him off. Then I feel horrible. He will say "your not treating my like someone who has autism" ❤

[@tristantheoofer2]

my mom literaly denied i have adhd. looked up teh symptoms... i have (almost) all of them. and i have autism and by dat i mean 90% of teh symptoms edit: of (lol) edit2: added shit onto this comment lul

[@Typanoid]

@@tristantheoofer2 Sounds like you might have the internal kind (occasionally still referred to as ADD), because I doubt your Mom would deny it if you had the outward hyperactivity kind.

[@tristantheoofer2]

@@Typanoid wym teh hyperactivity kind lol. i also have autism btw

[@alexamunoz7943]

Sometimes my 6 yr old will shout, “you don’t understand!” In the middle of a melt down. Pretty sure I’m autistic too... I just don’t have melt downs.

[@rahowherox1177]

I always felt treated better by peers and strangers than my mum... she cared and cares but she won't change behavior to suit. Refuses to, and she's on the spectrum too. My mate whose son is also autistic and a very good and caring man in general and with family does the same, he believes he's preparing son for harsh world and will purposely confuse and frustrate. I speak to him about it, but cannot convince him to adjust... but he does for me (he's my boss too

[@druxkro4442]

As a 38 year old man, I’m literally just learning this week that I most likely have late-diagnosed “high functioning” autism. Please keep creating content like this. It is truly invaluable to myself and probably many others on here. I can relate so well to how you explain it.

[@00000materialization]

your videos are so so helpful....thank you!!

[@ItsMathStatsMe]

This is so right-on! Thank you! I only recently discovered I was autistic. The realization has helped me make sense of so many confusing things about myself. One of the biggest realizations is that I'm not a person who is sometimes amazing and talented and sometimes totally stuck and nonfunctional, but, rather, I'm a person who always has great talents, but can only utilize them under certain circumstances, and that's okay. There will be lots of stuck days, and these are just as much a part of my true identity as my productive days. If I face this realization and plan space in my life for stuck days, I'm much better off. 🙌

[@TheMcObserver]

You are doing a great work, I am sure it is helpful for so many people!

[@mrmrlee]

In my experience, government or municipal jobs often appeal to those on the spectrum. Highly structured, with less emphasis on interpersonal relationships than a small company, for example. The negative being that those on the spectrum are often underemployed, underpaid in these jobs based on their actual talent level yet they prefer the safer environment rather than a more lucrative, yet "riskier" private sector job.

[@Miollvynir]

Huh... I think you just made it click that my grandpa is on the spectrum.

[@cruiser6260]

Those secure jobs are very sought after by everyone. Govt employees get all the benefits and regular pay rises. Casual and gig economy workforce dreams of that security

[@MrJessebo]

@SonGokuSSJG so true! I just opened the most nerve wracking fortune cookie of my entire life. It read "you will soon be singled out at work for a promotion" and i was like "noooo," I'm perfectly fine where i am!

[@BBMc107]

True. I always thought that I would be happiest as a corporate sally. I have a safe job at an office, where I have little contact with humans. I once told my therapist to stop pushing me to be a leader. “I am very comfortable being #2. I don’t want to be in charge.” The top is a social position and I can’t handle the chronic stress of it.

[@northgeorgiamom8956]

My daughter has a government job! She loves the rules and structure. Is even happier now with her own office.

[@ifeelpeaceful]

I love your videos, you are a real great person with deep insight in who you are, there is a lot to learn from you 🌻

[@jaan5985]

Aww🥰thank you very much Patreon it's so much helpful for me to better understand my son God bless you 💖🙏x

[@mailitedd185]

I love this and I love so many of your videos and share them with my friends so that they can understand me better. Thank you so much for posting these. I am a 52 year old "high functioning" Autistic female who just got diagnosed almost five years ago and getting people to understand me can be so difficult sometimes. I can have many many days when my functioning levels are so severe that they become life threatening. But it is impossible for people to understand this because I look so normal and it is almost impossible to get any help because all the resources are for children or "low functioning" people. Thank you so much for your videos. They are wonderful

[@madshorn5826]

I like a smartphone with an old battery as a metaphor for "looking normal" but not being able to sustain competence and energy 24/7.

[@SuperGingernutz]

Spot on post, sister. I'm in my early 50's and HFA/AS/ADHD (plus PTSD). We have been through similar experiences to yourself. Resources are criminally lacking for our place on the spectrum but there is plenty for children and 'low functioning' Autistic people, as you said. Besides, as I say to my sister/doctor/friends: What is 'normal'?

[@peterbelanger4094]

I totally understand. I'm 50 and I feel the same way. Too bad it's so hard to connect with others like us. Online interactions are soooo inadequate. Though I understand that there is a real human being on the other side of these words. The words on a computer screen only serve as a thick wall preventing real connection. And society has become so dependent on social media, that it has ruined many of the real, physical world ways of getting human contact. (then current events make that problem even worse) What I'm saying is I know how hard it is to get people to understand. For me at least, I find it to be easier in person. But that gets tougher to do every day. I know others like me exist, thanks to videos like this, but we are all apart, in distant places from one another. And even in "normal" times, it is difficult to find local resources for meeting people in person who understand. I imagine the internet to be like a physical bulletin board, in some dusty, deserted wasteland. there are notes posted on the board that I know some person must have put there, but as I scan the barren horizon, there is not a soul to be seen. Like in some post-apocalyptic movie. :(

[@mailitedd185]

@@madshorn5826 I totally relate 100%

[@mailitedd185]

@@SuperGingernutz you are so right. I am trying so hard to educate people on what our needs actually are but no one seems to want to listen or care

[@Eristhenes]

This video made me cry and laugh and laugh and cry because I have struggled my whole life (51 years) and never understood why I had such difficulty until I accidentally discovered Asperger's in a psychology class. I kept rewinding to your #3, which eerily explains my current life. I left a job of 29 years (to disaster) and am climbing my way back up. My new job is fast pasted and busy which has me struggling like I have never struggled before, particularly with my executive functioning issues: I have horrible short term memory and have to walk around with a pad an pen; don't give me instruction with more than two sentences because my brain short-circuits after that; I have difficulty completing tasks because I am so easily distracted and forget to go back and finish my original task and cannot seem to plan correctly to finish all my tasks during the day. Yeah, I'm gonna fired! But people are always impressed with my intelligence and always expect me to be more successful than I am. They do not know how hard I struggle just to appear "normal" and to keep up. When you say, " The key here is the amount of effort it takes to do really, really well ...because of that increased bit of effort we are often at our limit all the time" and "actually, I am at the very bring of completely falling apart all the time( I laughed and cried at that one)," this is me, now. I am constantly trying to talk myself off the ledge, telling myself to keep calm, do one thing at a time and then move on to the next, but sometimes tasks and management demands do not allow this luxury. I feel like I need to start investigating something else to do which does not make such heavy demands on my executive functioning issues. You doing a spectacular service for us late-in-life diagnosees, I cannot express how much your work and experience are helping me to cope and understand my existence more. Thank you.

[@jonnykopp]

@Eristhenes - I use tools like TaskWarrior to keep everything tracked and to be able to give perspective to the total list of things I'm trying to get done. Good luck to you on getting back onto your feet.

[@Eristhenes]

@@jonnykopp Thanks for the heads up and the well-wishing- I'll check out TaskWarrior. Much obliged!

[@stvbrsn]

Eristhenes hey, you have a twin. I’m 51 as well, and when I heard point #3 I immediately saved it to my “to be shared” folder to present to my family. In my case, hearing it didn’t make me laugh or cry (that was the entirety of last week) because I’ve gotten most of that out of me for the moment. But I did widen my eyes considerably and spend about 5 minutes staring off into space, mouth agape.

[@Njderig]

Eristhenes wow I have a very similar situation to yours. I have bad short term memory and struggle with concentration and easily distracted and get overwhelmed easily. I mess up a lot and that has caused me to get fired from several jobs because I work slow even though I try very hard and it makes me sad when I see how easily everyone else gets by. People also think I’m very intelligent and I’m certain ways I am but I’m not very successful according to society.

[@chrislin2774]

I seem to have similar problems. Bad short term memory, feeling like my brain short circuits at times but they're manageable and can achieve correction with the right routines and constructive avenues to relieve stressful times. Combination of effort and perseverance should make things easier and breathe better. Take care.

[@luckysmummy5325]

Thankyou so much for this. Brilliant video.

[@stevealexander2649]

Absolutely Great presentation ive learnt so much in such in a short time.

[@brunoboaz7656]

When you described the high functioning older person I had to pause the video for a bit. You described me and my life perfectly except that I am older. I watched the video to the end and then watched it again. Thank you for this video. It has given me tremendous insight.

[@JohnnyNada]

Im 28 and that'll be me one day, but I'm going to the doctor Friday to get therapy and see if I'm actually autistic

[@carmenjackson8586]

Wow! Thank you! I’ve only recently discovered that I have autism (self-diagnosed) and was even still doubting it because of how high functioning I’ve perceived myself to be. Fact 4 pretty much describes the last ten years of my life. So grateful to have some sort of understanding of the whole situation. The masking I needed to develop to navigate my upbringing even had myself fooled. Didn’t realize how much energy it took until my physical body started breaking down because of the stress. This literally brought me to tears.

[@olenick9590]

Cptsd can co occur in fact most wirh asd have it...cptsd pete walker steps to manage emotional flashbacks is life changing along with occupational therapy(interoception sensory processing disorder assoc with ASD)

[@losttreker9449]

Thank you, brother.Very helpful!

[@RachelVance]

Thank you. Sincerely

[@davidallen5776]

I found out over the years that when it comes to disabilities such as this, and dealing with those that have them, a lot of people are still stuck in a Fifties time warp, treating them as if they have the black plague and thus looking for ways to cast them out before they can ever try fitting in. It's a sad state of affairs, but the truth is the light!

[@stevenoverlord]

Well put. People revolt at things they don't understand. I think the neurotypicals feel threatened by Neurodivergents

[@travelservices1200]

Your description of what you see as a typical person with high-functioning autism in #4 is VERY similar to me...I'm only 51, and currently employed, but it's at a job I got out of "work release". I was my high school valedictorian, BA with honors from Cornell, MD from Albert Einstein College of Medicine, then medical practice in central Florida...then 20 years ago, back injury with chronic pain, divorce, difficulty working, legal troubles (nonviolent) dysthymia/depression, no friends, distant family...and thanks to your channel and videos, I think I've finally realized that I probably have Asperger's/ASD, since almost everything I've heard you speak about sounds like the inside of my own head, which is a new experience for me, and my AQ scores are from 38 to 44, and EQ from 10 to 15. Now I'm trying to find resources in South Florida (not a great place for such things) for the uninsured to try to get a possible official diagnosis, and to get past my own resistance even to be able to start calling someone to get help, but I hate talking on the phone...and I'm not even sure what I'm going to do or what I hope to accomplish, since I really see no future for myself, and haven't even seen my own kids in 8 years (by their choice). I'm very much at a loss and don't know what to do. But I really appreciate that you do these videos AND that you keep them from getting too long and rambly. It's really useful and helpful.

[@PhoenixFrequency]

Well said. Thank you. Much Love

[@mercegs3889]

Very well explained, thanks! I shrare it. 💪✨

[@paulredwood5320]

You've described me totally! Thank you for sharing. Me understanding myself is more important than teaching others about me. x

[@artfulaspie9775]

Too many employers expect you can jump into a role. No. We may need support & that's rare. I still prefer Asperger's as a term because HFA just doesn't describe anything. My social anxiety has turned from depression to hatred of most people - I have accepted the crash & burn rather than the weekends in bed because I could not cope with a working week. Fortunately, I have a decent clinical psychologist these days.

[@evab2274]

@#artfulaspie could you please explain in a little more detail what you mena by 'crush and burn' and about weekends in because you couldn't cope with a working week? I'm trying to understand my husband. It's still early days for us in understanding and coping. Thanks

[@d60dfath3r]

I'll put it to you this way since I know exactly what he means. My first day of every weekend for the last 5 weeks has been spent with a migraine (first one hospitalized me). It comes from "decompressing" all of the shit people give me at work. My whole weekend is basically just spent recuperating enough to barely make it through another week. This is due to endless harassment and bullying at work

[@ladybookworms]

I've always wondered why I hate the people around me so much and have been alarmed at the degrees it has risen to over the past few years. And then less than a month ago I found out about the correlation between the depression and being unable to cope with having to go out and work everyday and socialize and do all these things you're expected to do to be 'usefull' and not a bum. If only I was able to do half the things I've wanted to do I'd be happy, successful, people around me would be better off (I like to think they would) and all would go swimmingly! But NO! There is this specific way of being that is accepted and everything else is classified as 'weird'. Well it's a crying shame all this talent and ideas and skill etc being wasted like this.

[@davidherron9151]

Yes I am reaching the hate stage now at 40

[@Typanoid]

@@evab2274 It means: "Too exhausted to do anything". You're too exhausted to even remember basic words and their meaning. You can't listen to words or even understand them, because your brain is too exhausted to process them. (words and sounds become just "painful noise"). You're too exhausted to think straight and remember what you wanted/needed to do just 5 seconds ago - you might get up to get a sandwich, next you know, you're in the kitchen, but you forgot why you went there in the first place. It's a really dumb idea to even approach you or say anything to you, because you can't process what they want/what they're saying. At best, you can't even react. At worst, you go into a full-blown panic attack: You either leap up and run out of the house as fast as you can, or you get explosively/dangerously mad and will yell/scream/throw stuff and be generally unpleasant. (And you have basically no self control whatsoever, because the mental resources needed to exert self control are spent!) Sometimes the inability to react when spoken to is a panic attack, because you're too terrified/exhausted to make use of the "fight" (angry) mode, or the "flight" (run like Hell) mode. I believe that is what "Crash and burn" means.

[@mosessupposes2571]

Thank you

[@brys.3131]

Damn, this hit. Thank you for such honesty and great insight. I'm thankful for so many things in life and try to remain a half full glass, but the struggle is real lol. I Hope y'all are doing okay out there. Love to you!