"Holiday Magic" is women's INVISIBLE LABOR

[@edytabrzezinska3459]

Just notice how many families stop celebrating if a mother or a grandmother is gone.

[@VanessaD82]

Women are the heart and soul of the family ❤

[@Ch33t4h]

This sums it all up

[@suzannaflores1164]

Mine included. I'm opting out this year. Too disabled and broke for toxic family and unpaid labor to help cook, serve, cleanup dinner and someone else's house.

[@iamoanhoanh_]

My aunt passed a way. My uncle and cousins are so happy to have me over for dinner. And im just dropping by casually. That’s how lonely and empty it feels without her. Mothers are always the crucial link between the members.

[@niebieskimotyl3308]

Exactly, since my mom wasn't there anymore, dad would never make any kind of celebration for Christmas, Easter or birthdays, I was around 10 at that time. Now, when I have my own small family, we only decorate a Christmas tree together and hang the lights on the windows. And of course, presents. We eat everyday food, listen to some music and everyone is happy and relaxed. Last year, when my son went for Christmas to his dad, I went for holidays by myself and spend Christmas in the hostel with a bunch of guys, there were no women there, only men. Best vacation ever. But my son complained there was no Christmas tree at his dad's house and he got lame presents and couldn't wait to get back home for cool presents he really wanted. It wasn't about a money, just that his dad didn't buy presents his kid wanted, but the ones he wanted himself to play with XD

[@joygernautm6641]

That was me when I was married. Busting my ass to make everyone’s Christmas magical only to have my van husband sit back and enjoy the day and never even say thank you. When I express my displeasure about his participation, he said “I don’t care if we have a fancy Christmas. This was your idea”. No joke. They act like it’s not a big deal to them, but if you ever decide not to do it, they’re like “where is my turkey”? Anyway, we divorced a long time ago. About a year ago, my best friend, and I decided to buy a house together. Last year was the very first year. I actually had a full stocking on Christmas morning since I left my family home as a child. She doesn’t like to cook, but I do, but she’s great at decorating. So she lays out the holiday table and does the centrepieces and linens. She also does the cleanup after. We laugh and call ourselves platonic, heterosexual, life, partners, and it works well.

[@HEXCD4D04]

I love this

[@rachellerockel]

Sounds wonderful actually. Good for both of you!

[@AlyssaIrvine]

You found your Princess Charming ❤

[@IzabellaRequiem]

I want to live with you :O I would love such arrangement

[@bippityboop]

The way this is my ideal life (later one) omfg so happy for you girl

[@vikki8699]

My friend's boyfriend has been "forgetting" to buy her gifts for her birthday and christmas since they moved in together. They've been living together 3 years and in a relationship for 5. This year, she told me that she has not bought him anything and instead, bought herself a single ticket to Edinburgh for Christmas and new years to visit her grandparents. She has not seen them for years now because her boyfriend always pulled last minute emergencies preventing her going home to her grandparents. She told me she's done being forgotten so she's given him a taste if his own medicine. She's cooked for him and his family every single year since living together. Paid for everything, got gifts, received sod all back. Her boyfriend never plans anything with her nor checks if she needs help preparing for Christmas. Oh boy is he going to get a shock come 22nd Dec 😂 She's not gotten anything for his family and friends from him either. I am so proud of her and her grandparents are stupidly excited to see her for the holidays. I'll update you all on what happens come next month if anyone wants to know. Excellent video Elle! No more tears over the holidays! Us girlies are taking back our power ❤

[@beigenegress2979]

He’s going to get a “shock” when he comes home and finds that she has moved out, as well. I see THAT on the horizon, also. I hear Edinburgh is a great city!

[@theladynextdoor313]

I’m following because I want to know!!!! And good for her!!!!!

[@olganova3058]

@@vikki8699 I'm pretty sure he'll be totally blindsided and act surprised when she leaves his oblivious ass. everything was great to him while she was continously unhappy

[@lorelarei-yc5rz]

f

[@astraphel1896]

Good for her I hope she walks away too she deserves better ❤

[@saramoustafagreen]

"why are the men good at nothing" hit hard😭

[@summero-my5in]

Like it’s not a flex to not know how to take care of yourself. The fact that men find it funny and cute and will joke to me about not knowing how to cook anything past microwaving a frozen meal 😍

[@messybaker5373]

They do know. They are just weaponizing incompetence.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

​@@summero-my5inthe heart eyes 😅😂😅😂😅

[@thankyounext365]

Fr men used to fight in wars and sent love letters across the sea. Now they got podcasts and talk about how women are good as they grandmas were. But they ain’t even half the men they grandpa was

[@Monasaurus_Rex]

@@summero-my5in the men who brag about not changing diapers once, like you’re an absentee father, congrats?

[@joopyjazz1]

Seeing how my grandmother’s house has become filled with cobwebs and dust compared to childhood since she went through dementia, and eventually passed. She didn’t create a home, she WAS home.

[@joopyjazz1]

Also since age 9 I noticed my mother never had gifts, not even in her stocking. I absolutely spoil her any chance I get now. I remember looking at my dad after she said she doesn’t need gifts, and thinking “you’ve failed as a spouse”

[@luvnskispeaks4058]

I'm sorry for your loss

[@loriwilson2569]

I’m sorry for your loss- dementia is so horrible. You are so right - and there is so much power in that too, some women probably think making/being the home is no big deal - but it is everything, it’s a strong power.

[@yjc219]

I'm sorry for your loss. She sounds like she was a wonderful and warm person.

[@SunnyHeartKay]

❤️❤️

[@unicorn-glasses]

One of my favorite green flags I saw in my boyfriend was the first Thanksgiving he went to with my family a couple of years ago, he noticed that other than himself and my sister's boyfriend, the women were doing literally everything and the men were sitting around watching football asking every 5 minutes when dinner would be ready. He was completely baffled and so confused, he was basically like "your grandpa has dementia so that makes sense but what the hell is wrong with the rest of them??" Needless to say, that mindset has shown itself since we've moved in together. Everything is equal between us. Ladies, do not ever compromise. My sister and I were raised in the exact sort of family described in the video and we said absolutely not, I'm not going to accept being treated like that. You don't have to deal with that crap.

[@millietimecapsule]

Aww I'm so happy for you❤

[@J.Ro323]

Smart girls don't waste their youth and fertile years with a man without a commitment to marriage.

[@desixox]

good for you love!

[@Cherries2249]

It can't be all equal if the man is doing all or most of the providing and the woman stays at home. If you're both working full-time then of course it should be equal. But I don't want to work full-time so I'm not going to expect my future husband to do half of the cleaning and cooking when he's come home from a long day at work and I've stayed home. That's not fair.

[@jannetteberends8730]

I’m a woman and noticed the same in my ex partners families. And partner’s mother expecting me to help. This was so strange to me. In my family you don’t ask a guest to help. So I just didn’t react.

[@UrwaLifestylevlogs]

I'm a muslim pakistani and in my culture, women do all the work while the men do the bare minimum. Men get to retire while our mother do all the physical and emotional labour her life. We get married young and if you get over the age of 26, no men will marry you. Sons are preferred more than daughters and more! Its really a cruel and unfair reality for women here in my country.

[@Masanumi]

Sound like if you older than 26 years old you are finally free to marry someone who will worship you! No one should marry under 30! We want to live before children. Get a guy who does his part, girl. Nothing less.

[@paulaqueirosz]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Pakistan seems to combine the misogyny of Islam AND Desi culture. From what I see, education is the only way out, but it takes time... All the best to you!!❤

[@afrinaaest]

Staying childfree and earning your own money is the ultimate solution

[@hym3323]

Makes me so glad I dont live in such a culture.

[@mc1069]

Stay safe queen xxx

[@BetyH-hh1rk]

“Who cooked the last supper?” Is a book on women's invisible labor

[@ashleybriones2445]

My dad was a blue collar worker my entire life and he always did thanksgiving and Christmas. He cooked all day long..he was always so amazing during holidays

[@milamilla1977]

I was playing Diablo 4 and my honey cooked everything! I love him!

[@whyarepeoplecrazy]

That’s my husband. ❤

[@Ri57490]

Your dad is very rare. But even though men like him are rare, they should be more common. Because there are many women who work full time jobs then come home to do housework.

[@kshamaaghamkar2096]

I'm from India and every Indian woman I know works their asses off, whilst the kids (which are left unattended at times because men won't even bother to look at them) and husbands/ uncle's happily enjoy their meals and drinks, with feet up in the air, not even asking whether the women have eaten or not? Won't even offer help to clean up after the event/ meal time??? Also, in a lot of households, then MEN are served FIRST. It's only when they're done, women get to eat... I was married into a family that would throw their leftover stuff in plates in my face, while I was having my meals, soooo gross!!!!! Thank God I DIVORCED.. I WOULD COOK MEALS FOR 5 people, with no help and they'd expect me to clean up later??? Women are expected to do things festive, as if it's only women's festival 🎉🎉🎉 Seriously.. NUFF IS NUFF

[@twinklesharma396]

Yes. The woman have to sleep empty stomach if the food is over.. and sometimes if the woman goes to cook for herself the mother in law asks why didn't you cooked properly (quantity wise) earlier.

[@davidblue78]

Good for you ❤❤❤

[@yunabella7414]

I am from Turkey and its the same here(mostly)

[@Love_democracy12]

​@@twinklesharma396 yeah in India your mother in laws watch everything you eat ... You cannot even eat nutritious food which are expensive like avocado ,walnuts without them reminding you that it is ur husband money 😅 And u have to be hungry I have seen women who only eat lunch which comprises of left over breakfast and left over food from day before and left over lunch They cannot even make a dish for themselves

[@twinklesharma396]

@@Love_democracy12 yeah that's true ... Exotic food items are far talk about basic meal that also you have eat after the male one finishes eating... And if the food is tasty you have sleep empty stomach as a woman

[@skh-22]

If you don’t help, you don’t eat lol.

[@annsh.6487]

That's the spirit, comrade! (/positive)

[@millietimecapsule]

THISSS

[@lalahadams1061]

i literally just finished eating the thanksgiving feast. my uncle saw that my brother didn't show up to help my aunt and told me to drive back home and get him 😂 he ended up carrying chairs and tables

[@afrinaaest]

I hate to see women suffering

[@Qrtuop]

Me too

[@LazuliEversky]

They chose that tho, they knew who they were dating/marrying. I honestly don't have sympathy for them. They don't have self worth either imo and that's why they ended up in that situation.

[@afrinaaest]

@@LazuliEversky i hate how true this is

[@twinklesharma396]

​@@LazuliEversky how cruel of you to say that back then most woman were illiterate in developing countries they didn't got a chance to marry the man they want they have to tie knot to whom there parents chose so after marriage they have to do all the house labour work . But things are changing now as woman are educating themselves so blaming woman saying they are suffering because they are choosing is wrong on so many levels you don't know how to live dying daily because they can't do anything to survive.

[@LazuliEversky]

​​@@twinklesharma396I'm not talking about back then, I'm talking about the modern century where books, movies, videos, and all types of stories are available on your phone. Any (american/ "1st" world) women rn that are still around dudes like that don't care or don't have self respect. They didn't care to actually check if the guys they were dating actually saw them as human. Anit my fault these women settled for garbage. I'm not sympathetic. 🤷 My point here is that you can't help women who don't want help. Women who are soo convinced *we* are trying to take their happiness away. (Like we would want a misogynist) Or that it's against whatever patriarchal religion they are so drowned in. No sympathy for morons who were warned by the guy itself, the women around her, and what not. She choose her misery.

[@lunasubs9503]

Family trips and vacations are another very similar area where women do the planning and organization while everyone else gets to kick back for their holiday and relax

[@tamarbatyah7]

💯 ✅️

[@AdrianeMandrake-dk3pw]

I'm not cooking ANYTHING this thanksgiving. I work full time and refused to stress myself, I'm catering from a trustable friend and my husband is paying for it.

[@MissWard2u]

#lifeGoals

[@SunnyHeartKay]

Good for you!

[@pri.sci.lla.]

My boyfriend assumed we weren’t having turkey for thanksgiving because we hadn’t discussed it. It’s our first just us thanksgiving. I don’t even eat meat and haven’t for years and I told him if that’s his fantasy he can do the work. I will not be cooking something I’m not even going to eat 😂

[@rosiean9064]

Finally someone with boundaries ♡

[@shivi5669]

​@@rosiean9064 absolutely fact 💯

[@playinglifeoneasy9226]

We had kosher vegan guests, and we made an amazing Thanksgiving without any meat any butter any cheese any dairy. You can enjoy an amazing Thanksgiving of all the foods that you enjoy. Nobody’s going to check your oven on Thanksgiving afternoon to make sure that it’s a dead turkey in there. I’ve known italian. families who make a big lasagna you can just make whatever makes you happy

[@Huorfern]

Was so confused bc of the 'weren't' 😂 but yay, good for you! What did he respond?

[@pinkpanda5696]

Same! I have been a vegetarian for many years and have always refused to cook meat for a partner. If they want it, they can cook it and clean the pan, dish, etc.

[@zaddyzm]

One of the things I hate the most is doing all the cooking and then have the one who played games all day "It lacks a little salt" I freaking hate them, and as I got that kind of criticising when I took in all the cooking, now everytime I see someone doing it to another person, I immediately go like, "no, it actually it's on point, it's because you drank your soda"

[@Decadence13666]

When my dad did those kinds of games to me one holiday that I was cooking I wordlessly gave him the cooking utensils and went for a walk. They think themselves Gordan Ramsey? They can cook.

[@Magicawaitshere]

Same thing happens to me, I burn myself out by preparing the 3 meals every single day and then either my father or brother would pinpoint a mistake in it. They can't even cook for themselves and when the other person does this then they take measures like targetting them. It's so ridiculous

[@JanessaStuckey]

One thing I notice in men and women of presents-or the stereotype of men and women giving, is that women will often give men(brothers, husbands, etc) gifts that mean something to them or what they wanted, all without asking. Whereas men will give gifts to women that are nothing like what they even like, and women would joke with their friends about it. Like my dad would buy my mom jewelry that she HATED(she gave them back to him and he gave them back), but like it's getting annoying that husbands are less observant to their wives' wants and needs in terms of presents, however wives tend to be more thoughtful with gifts for men-actually for everyone. Manifestelle I WOULD LOVE if you do more in depth of this concept of men and men giving in a video

[@Buzzing_around]

I get more thoughtful gifts from my employer and colleagues than any boyfriend has ever given me 🫠.

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

My ex was like that. Got him 3 games a rum some rare shot glasses and a cute key chain saying drive say love you shit for a birthday he loved it. Then me I don't even remember a cake maybe and possibly a rum but the fact I don't remember is bad. He was a red flag a year wasted on trash

[@dian277]

lots of men use gifting as a love bomb or take gifting as a chore. they don't put any effort into them, just to shut their women's mouth and give himself a "good partner" image

[@Kotifilosofi]

In my family me (I'm AFAB) and my mum love giving thoughtful gifts during the holidays, and my brother and father in law don't. They treat it exactly as a nasty chore rather than a chance to put thought into it to show you care (and honestly, they wouldn't even need to put any thought to it but just listen to what people talk about and keep that in mind). They've said in many years that there's no need to give any gifts, and I've always said if you don't like my gifts you can give them back to me and I won't be mad but just learn that they didn't like what I thought they did. Guess how many of the gifts I've given has been returned? Zero. Still they keep saying they hate the tradition, just so that they won't need to put any thought into it by themselves 😮‍💨

[@Loool_7656]

I remember talking about this with my friend a while ago about how men (mainly dads, granpas etc) will give you gifts you don't actually like. (bcuz they dnt know u enough), and then when u express u don't like the gift will call u ungrateful and stuff. Like, why not ask what I want if u dnt kno me enough to buy me a gift.

[@doctornefarious6271]

9:35 I think this vibe is why so many women enjoy Book Clubs; reading is a solo hobby that has no "productive benefit" to anyone except the person who sits & reads the story, & having a topic of conversation that isn't centred on chores, male partners, or dependants must be a lovely & refreshing change of pace for many of the women involved.

[@lizb941]

My ex husband told me that I was selfish for liking reading 😂 because it would not include him

[@doctornefarious6271]

@lizb941 Ah, I see why he's an ex! 😌☕️

[@ami-el7dg]

Excellent observation bestie!

[@ami-el7dg]

​​@@lizb941my dad told my mother that he felt left out when my mother and my siblings as well as myself would watch shows he did not like to the point where he'd hog the TV for days on end without even looking at the screen🙄

[@Buffy-the-Karenslayer]

10:52 I grew up in this kind of “Love.” The men/boys were all playing video games while the women cooked/ cleaned. Weaponized incompetence is the biggest turnoff.

[@puffball4484]

I honestly feel like men don't care about holidays. Like no single men that I know of decorate or practically acknowledge holidays. But suddenly when they have a girlfriend they expect them to make it happen like their mother did/does.

[@CS-bu7lo]

Oh, they really don't care about the holidays, even if they pretend to be religious, in any religion. For them, it's only a time to be lazy, eat too much, drink too much and receive gifts! They often "forget" to buy gifts for their loved ones. Every year, the E.R is full of men that ate and/or drank too much. I rarely see women do the same!

[@lorrilewis2178]

Oh, they care. They just think it's beneath them.

[@holographicwing]

They all care just like how they care about eating nice home cooked meals and their house looking good. They just don't want to do any work and dump it off on either mom or a girlfriend/wife.

[@Ohkay5613]

Men care about it alot. If they are not connected to kin during the holidays they feel isolated and depressed. The problem is men expect women to do the work to make the holidays special. They want the connectedness of the holidays without putting in effort.

[@ZwanzigEldeai]

@@Ohkay5613 I agree but damn that is depressing.

[@Sahalielove]

My mom died a few years ago and my dad just orders premade food for Thanksgiving now. Can’t even be bothered to learn how to step up and take my mom’s place.

[@CS-bu7lo]

I'm sorry! At least he doesn't expect you to take your mother's place and cook and clean. Where I come from in southeastern Europe, that's the norm, sadly. When my father died , I, the eldest daughter, took up his duties, as I have no brothers or uncles, only sisters. I'm doing a better job than he was 😅...

[@Decadence13666]

One of my uncles didn't wanna learn how to take care of the house, children, and how to cook. After his wife died. So he married a new woman. His kids never called her mom. To her annoyance and my delight.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

@@Decadence13666That actually sounds kind of sad. It’s not her fault that your father is like that. ☹️ You certainly don’t have to call her mom but I bet it makes her feel like an outsider. Then again, I don’t know this woman so she could be absolutely dreadful. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@herpderpy9445]

@@Decadence13666 It's insane how common this is.

[@kikijewell2967]

​@@Decadence13666men can hire a nanny, but women can't hire a man to pay the bills. It's not equal.

[@bernsky]

i chose NOT to host thanksgiving this year. last year I purchased most everything, for 12 people and I received one single hostess gift. The worst part was when i wanted people to go around and express what they were grateful for, and they outright refused. the same people sprung it on my partner this year to make the turkey for their "potluck" 3 days before! He can go buy it, make it, ill be enjoying my day of relaxing. I feel like this video my own personal hostess gift. Thankyou.

[@helenromanelli2544]

You go girl...maybe you could go to a movie and a meal with one of your single friends?

[@shadowrealm3245]

poor husband , i feel bad for him

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

I'm considering opting out too. My kids and I usually go to my ex's(their dad) parents. And all the women are expected to do all the cooking, cleaning, serving, AND watch the small children, it starts at 10am and ends at like 10 pm. While the men sit, watch football and echo maga cult talking points in a never ending drunken circle jerk... But my kids don't want to go without me 😭 And I'm going to be labeled the "hateful ex keeping my kids from their family"🙄

[@esuna4786]

@@shadowrealm3245 good 😂.

[@Qrtuop]

Let them talk. If your kids wanna go, drop them off. If they don't wanna go, don't go. Show your children boundaries, modelling is also teaching.

[@beigenegress2979]

I’m in several different fb groups for older women: Very recently, someone posted asking if it’s ok to serve the 🦃-day meal on paper plates and further asked for suggestions how to keep “things” positive? Many of us roundly told her to use paper plates, and tell them bring food to go with the turkey 🦃 and cross unpleasant ppl off her list of attendees, since it’s HER home!

[@playinglifeoneasy9226]

Yes, we have totally done turkey on paper plates. We have had paper when we just had so many gas that would’ve been ridiculous to try to wash all those dishes and we have had paper when the kids were young and things would’ve been trashed. You can get all sorts of tableware with lovely, turkey, designs and themed falling leaves Prince there are rabbis who will push women to use disposable partyware when having large gatherings, and he does so very publicly, so that nobody will be shamed if they do. You can do it very simple buying a stack of China at dishes or you can use partyware and mix-and-match colors if you enjoy that

[@hedgelord0]

It never occurred to me who made Christmas happen. I just always thought it was my parents since i knew they were the ones putting everything under the tree. Last year, I helped my mom do Christmas shopping because she talked about how stressful it was to pick out stuff for the entire family and extended family. That's when I asked her if my dad ever helped her pick stuff out. No, it was always her. I asked her if the gifts addressed 'To: Mom, From: Santa' under the tree were from dad. No, he never got her anything. She always picked out and wrapped her own presents along with everyone else's. I was so upset for her. While we were out shopping, I bought some gifts for her right under her nose, and she didn't even notice because she was so stressed. That year, i waited till my parents put everything under the tree and went to bed before I wrapped the presents I got for my mom and hid them amongst everything. I really watched her that morning. At first, she didn't even care to open anything up. She had a present in her lap, but she was more concerned about everyone else's reactions to what they all got. Finally, she opened her gift, and when she noticed it wasn't something she got for herself, the first person she looked at was me, not her husband. It made me so sad. Later, she found me in my room to hugged me and cried. It meant so much to her to finally have someone notice the effort she put in, and just give a little of it back. If I had asked her directly, she would probably say she didn't want anything for Christmas, and while that's probably true, it doesn't mean she literally doesn't want anything. She just feels too selfish to ask for anything despite being the one giving everything. My mom might not want anything for Christmas specifically, but who doesn't want the people in their lives to show they care by putting thought and effort into a gift just for you? The gifts I got her were nothing special. They were just some random things I find at TJ Maxx that I thought she would like, but they meant the world to her because someone actually took the time to think about her for once. If you asked my dad, he would probably say that Christmas isn't that important to him. He doesn't care what he gets. They just put stuff under the tree addressed to 'Mom' and 'Dad' so the younger kids don't question why Santa didn't get anything for their parents. Still, you would think you would at least want to do something during Christmas for your spouse of all people. I really don't understand him. As I sit here writing this, I wonder if the reason why my never bothers to put any effort into Christmas is because he thinks nothing of the effort good wife puts into it. Maybe that's uncharitable of me, though. This year, I'm much more prepared. I'm taking my little brother out shopping with me to pick out gifts for our mom because I almost garuntee my dad isn't going to learn from last year. Not that I wouldn't be getting her anything if he did, but I think his lack of effort just makes it all the more important that someone else does step up and put the effort in. I just want to finish by saying how important it is that we talk about stuff like this. The only reason why I questioned my mom on my dad's involvement on Christmas is because I had seen on TikTok all the people talking about how their husbands or their dads never got their wives anything for Christmas. If I hadn't seen those posts, I probably would've went another year of thinking my parents put equal effort into Christmas, and that they were both happy with it. Thank God for the people talking about it because it hurts me to see how little my mom is appreciated when she does so much for the household. My dad may pay for everything, but it's my mom that makes everything happen.

[@lordtette]

That's so sweet what you did for your mum. My mum is the same about christmas' and birthdays; aslo had a husband who didn't care to show love during those holidays so she got used to not getting stuff - this was before I was born. It upset me that it became her normal. She's a giver and isn't used to receiving cause of life experiences😌. Maybe why I do the most in trying to help and give, I just want her to feel the love she's given me. I just know that your mum values you and cherishes you. ❤️

[@pastsubstance2930]

This was such a thoughtful comment. You sound young. I’ve had a similar family dynamic to you and things ended up where my little sibling ended up being like the dad. Try being a role model for your little brother and encourage him to help out in most things for the Holidays and in general. We need more boys to grow into competent men and for girls to stand up for themselves. Honestly, if you ever unwrap a gift that says “santa” or “from mom and dad” just go straight to mom and hug her. Dad’s shouldn’t be allowed to be given love when they don’t take the effort to gift their children bc that’s not love. Well, I hope you have a good life and take care of yourself.

[@LL-kc8rs]

Exactly, a wallet is not a husband or father.

[@Fungigi]

I remember my grandma going on strike one year because she didn’t want to cook. I said, you’re not getting paid for this. Whatever you decide is fine by me. She looked so relieved. She still cooked but it was a smaller feast. She seemed a lot stressed out.

[@lorrilewis2178]

My ex-husband's family has played this bs out to the very end. His rich brother and sister-in-law always held holidays at their mansion. Sister-in-law would do all the cooking and his mother and myself would help with clean-up. The men? Sitting around watching tv before and after dinner. I got divorced, so that was one less woman. Then my sister-in-law died. Do you think any of these men learned to cook holiday dinners? Hell no! They truly missed the nice holiday dinners, but it never crossed their minds to replicate it themselves. So they've spent YEARS eating bare-bones badly-cooked food on holidays.

[@tahinaschwegler8112]

they neverrr step up to the plate 🙄

[@lorrilewis2178]

@@tahinaschwegler8112 You'd think they'd want to eat well on a holiday!

[@twinklesharma396]

In our "desi culture" we have lots of festivals and in every festival woman has all to do is "cooking". I saw that in my family too in every special occasion my brother and father wholeheartedly enjoys the festival and the other side me my mum cooks almost all day and my brother and father feels so entitled to ask us to cook different dishes.. me and my mum both get really tired washing dishes and cooking but we have to act infront of guests that we are happy . Honestly sometimes the emotion of hatred which is very strong comes to my heart for my own family member... And if we ask for a very little favour like collect the grocery order from downstairs they deny that directly without any hesitation saying "this is not our work ".

[@Themudeater]

You can start breaking boundaries by refusing to conform to

[@adventuregirlinawonderworl3551]

I used to cook get myself and the kids ready to go to family house with all the women doing the work and men and boys just show up with girl friends and kids for to go plates. This year I said f that you get this store bought pie I’m not even going to warm it up. Use the extra time to dress me up make me feel good ❤❤❤❤

[@professormeow3399]

Imagine how much more fun such festivities actually were if they were just with you women. I wish we (and other women) could do that. It would also be so much easier, if everyone attending also helped out.

[@lelz0394]

How is it not their work? Women can't be servants 365 days a year with no days off. I at least hope the women are homemakers.

[@holographicwing]

Why don't your brother and father was the dishes or clean up? Can't your mom at least make your brother do something the dad is a lost cause

[@yasminhattar3330]

One time at Thanksgiving, I’d say when I was in middle school my mom’s friend had invited my family and I to come over for dinner. All the women: the grandmother, the mom, the daughter and me we’re working together to make and help prepare for the dinner. All the guy did was fry the turkey and gave it to his wife to marinate and stick in the oven. After that he just sat on the couch to watch football while the rest of us were working on making the dinner. And then in a relaxed tone said, “ I love Thanksgiving, where the women work and the men can watch football.” Every single woman in the house at the same time gave him the side eye while he was watching football. I was pretty annoyed.

[@Decadence13666]

For men like him it's more like "I love everyday, women do the work. I sit around like a useless pile of shit."

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

Oh I definitely would have had a few colourful things to say to him 😂

[@saltandpeppers8788]

@@toxiczombiewolf5692same

[@arc8584]

I would have confiscated the TV's power cord.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

"Incompetence period" is such an ick!! Yessssss!!!! Why doesn't this make women feel disdain instead of pity? If a woman was demonstrating incompetence in a household capacity, the same women that would coddle men scorn women. Men deserve the scorn, and they deserve to live in a home and lifestyle that matches his level of competence and nothing more.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Stay Single. No men = no problems.

[@evergreenforestwitch]

@CordeliaWagner1999 that is my lived experience as well. Highly recommend. 10/10.

[@LL-kc8rs]

4B

[@venereveritas]

Whenever we had holiday dinners at my grandparents house, all the men sit around and complain that it is taking so long, while all the women are in the kitchen working hard to produce a meal. Then, after the meal, the men go back to the living room and the women do all the cleaning up! I complained about it every year and got the side eye from my family for it. Now, my husband does all the cooking. Last year, he cooked the whole meal and I cleaned up. We decided to keep thanksgiving to just us this year, so we are making a meal together to enjoy together. It is so much better this way.

[@shivi5669]

The weirdest thing is if you ask help from anyone. the Old women or our aunts/ grandmother or any one of them are the first who will point out that we are lazy & in her days she use to cook for tone of people when their husband or in-laws use to invite people without even telling her. Like it's not our fault you have have to cook for everyone in those days. Me & my mother absolutely refuse any unnecessary event's lot of people say we are lazy but both of us have medical condition.

[@minnies782]

And they are often martyrs, who does everything and and won't let anyone help even though is clearly stressed out. as if anyone would never get any reward for it

[@CS-bu7lo]

The old women were brainwashed that they are "lazy"& "selfish " if they don't serve everybody with a smile on their faces. It's like that in southeastern Europe where I live, too, but I hear those stories from all around the world. Medical conditions or healthy, DO NOT do anything you don't want to. Let them call you whatever. You will not be exhausted and upset at the end of the holidays, but they will be. I grew up slaving away during the holidays along with the other women , while the men did the bare minimum. Then I rebelled and got called names, denied food& gifts, etc. I persisted and bought my own food. Finally my father died, I took up his duties ( I'm doing a better job than him) as the eldest daughter and I decreed that the women cook and decorate only what they want and like to eat. Finally ,we aren't exhausted at the end and are able to enjoy it. If any male relatives from the extended family whines about a dish or decoration, I tell them to buy it or cook it themselves. They shut up quickly. If they pout, I tell them they behave like kids, to their faces. 😁 That fills me with joy! 😊 Ah, and avoid gatherings where you know people will drink and argue about politics, religion and long disputed inheritances. No dish, decoration or gift is worth it! You can visit the people you really want to see later when the trouble makers are not there!

[@fredaowusu-agyapong]

​@minnies782 exactly most of the times they let boys get away with laziness at a young age . They are male absorbed . It's just annoying. Its bad already when men support men to be lazy but when women uphold those same beliefs its just becomes insufferable .

[@christinec2625]

Don’t ask other women for help and instead ask the men

[@bjbalva]

@@christinec2625 this comment is well aligned to the content on this video. I would say that there are families where women still practice helping each other. Like bringing a dish or help with the cooking, even cleaning after the event. I’m the kind that refuses to cook but I’ll help with the cleaning.

[@minnies782]

Yeeeessssss! I'v never really liked christmas, because my mom was allways so stressed and pissed off during holidays. But no wonder, she did shift work, bought the presents, cooked the meals, cleaned, arranged and organized everything bu herself.

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

Yeah, mee too. Never like holidays due to catering to silly people. My family side is easy. If food is there, we eat, if not, we go out and buy. No obligations onto anyone. However, getting married into a different family shows different expectations.

[@Unknown-wb4ex]

My primary reason i can't stand my father is for how much he just doesn't appreciate my mother's hard work. She worked a full time job, managed the household, AND earned her doctorate at the sacrifice of her mental wellbeing. My father has hardly ever thanked her and expects her gratitude for him brining in more money than she does. I'm happy I at least learned to cook to help her so that way she doesn't have to worry about cooking food anymore, which she has told me she hates doing.

[@LL-kc8rs]

They act like money is a virtue or trait. It's just a resource like everything else. Nobody loves a wallet. They love a person who acts in a loving way towards them. I can get money out of any man. lol That doesn't make them equal to a real father or husband.

[@cryingdove0]

I don't understand why women would tolerate a boyfriend/husband not buying them a gift for the holiday/anniversary/birthday. My husband is always thinking about those things. He listens to what I say and is constantly thinking of gifts I might like. He's gone out of his way to ask my friends what I might like as well. Also, I feel like if my husband was acting like a child, I would start making fun of him. Oh, you can't figure out what needs to be done? Our 10 year niece can figure it out by looking around the room so why can't you? Like, if you insult a man's intelligence I think they will get mad but as long as they are trying to prove you wrong I think you've won.

[@Ch33t4h]

This makes me appreciate my dad so much more, he spends most of Thanksgiving and Christmas cooking and cleaning up after equally with my mom. My husband also cooks more often than I do and cleans regularly. I'm concerned how not common this is cuz I'd see no point in a relationship if all I'm doing in it is working. My last relationship would say that sh!t: "but you just do it so much better than me!" Well, now I have so much less to do without you✨

[@ErutaniaRose]

Thiiiis. My Dad always cooks a ton during holidays, and my Mum does smaller parts. And we all also cook or handle dinner and dishes throughout the week so it’s not all on my mother. I’ve also done a lot of cleaning, and we hired some cleaners, who are coming to thanksgiving also, to help around the house.

[@Ch33t4h]

@@ErutaniaRoseyes same! I consistently check on the kitchen through out the day / night to clean whatever is left in the sink by guests and go around the house to pick up what's left around- it doesn't take much to help out so everyone has a good time.

[@sneakers_smh]

When I got my first paycheck, I got my mom her favorite brand of jewelery because I know that she barely gets anything during christmas. I appreciate both my parents and everything that they've done to give me and my siblings a good life. :)

[@timelyferry]

I so want to do this

[@seabreeze1436]

Made me pause when you said have higher expectations of the people around you because they have higher expectations of you. Accurate.

[@ithseem]

If even Spongebob calls this out, you know it's bad (See the episode where he and Patrick take care of a baby clam)

[@marte1376]

😂😂😂 so true!!!!! I had forgotten

[@Tionaintown876]

I spent the entire day alone at home while my parents are in the hospital 😔 be thankful for the community you have girlies

[@Aelffwynn]

I am so sorry to hear that. I wish you and your parents well.

[@blairinbelgradeTV]

As a single + childfree expat woman living abroad (Belgrade, Serbia), I'm so happy I don't celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving (it's been 10 years since I live outside the US). So it's stress free for me during the "holiday season."

[@sSomeawesomeneSs]

just say immigrant, unless you call all immigrants expats

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Expat? Just say immigrant.

[@blairinbelgradeTV]

@@sSomeawesomeneSs I'm an expat :)

[@blairinbelgradeTV]

@@CordeliaWagner1999 You don't know me or my story. I'm an expat.

[@sSomeawesomeneSs]

@@blairinbelgradeTV what makes you an expat and not an immigrant?

[@coleengoodell7523]

I'm gritting my teeth just watching this. I don't know exactly how old I was when the realization about Thanksgiving hit me. I couldn't have been much older than 10 or even younger. But what I saw and realized made me hate Thanksgiving intensely. Women and us girls, cooking, cleaning, serving and then cleaning up after a meal of stuff you normally would never eat, as the men sat around without a care in the world for the entire day, doing nothing infuriated me. Christmas was at least fun, the tree, the gifts, Christmas songs and Carols, visiting santa, the movies and shows, it wasn't just a meal that took hours or days to plan and prepare. It was so much more. I've been skipping Thanksgiving for years now and don't miss it one bit. I don't play that game no more.

[@winniecat6453]

I've ditched the holiday magic making for a while now, after i was the only one putting up the tree, picking kids and family presents, and filling my own damn stocking. One year i asked for help getting presents picked, received none and so we showed up to family holidays with nothing to give out 😂 it was embarrassing in the moment but it was the catalyst to divving the holiday tasks in an equitable fashion.

[@katharinekali9127]

So well said as yuzh girl!! South African single mama here. I left my sons father because him and his family are like this, amongst many other things - but also so was mine, which is why it took me a while to ✨wake up✨Over the holidays the men would go surfing for hours and all the women would gather and do meal prep for just as long, before the men would sit around the fire and poke at some meat for 20mins before we ate. I wanted to study instead of do meal prep, especially as a young mother who was exhausted and breastfeeding- and I offered to help with the barbecue - basically matching the participation of the men. I was called lazy, antisocial etc etc. Whereas the men were free to relax with minimal help with meals or caregiving which is also work. Thank god I stayed true to my spoiled girlie self, never lowered my standards and left. The women in those families were run ragged just like my own mother, may she rest in piece. This makes me miss her. I only really became aware of these dynamics later in life and while we made our peace before she died, I wish I had shown her so much more appreciation when she was still around. My mom and dad adopted their orphaned nephews and niece who became mine and my brothers siblings - and she had it So Hard 🥺💔 had to sacrifice all her dreams to raise five kids and my dad wouldn’t even take her out dancing now and again, and never helped around the house or the beautiful garden she cultivated singlehandedly. She was amazing and she would still be here today if she wasn’t worked to death, physically and emotionally. She deserved so much better and so do I. I love you mom ❤

[@Zyilus]

Your mom is such a beautiful person and may she rest in peace. And I'm glad you stopped the cycle of suffering. Stay strong and firm, and chase your happiness.

[@tamarbatyah7]

This brought tears to my eyes ❤

[@txspacemom765]

My favorite is if a woman doesn't want to do it, we are ruining it for everyone. Like step up bro!

[@Oxellee]

I realised way too late why my mom was always absolutely FURIOUS during any big holiday and celebration. She was under extreme stress, receiving little to no help from anyone (I tried helping when I got older). We put women in those situations where they become drained, anxious and by consequence - toxic and then we demonise them for not being able to cope. What a lovely life we have under the patriarchy.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

9:53 yes! It's always women getting these holiday events together to provide free labor and servicing for others!! Holiday Magic is a LOT of "women's work".... And what do we get? An empty Christmas stocking.....

[@AyAReI00]

Even if you get THOUSANDS of expensive gifts is irrelevant, is tiring, men still get gifts and do nothig ... So the gifts mean nothing ... I used to get expensive gifts cuz i made expensive dishes, like michellin level dishes... I got tired and start doing less fancy yet WORK INVOLVING ones ... Cheaper if you might say, suddendly my gifts got cheaper too.... So at the end the gifts reflected the labor i did ... My brother still got gifts and he did nothing ...

[@CS-bu7lo]

​​@@AyAReI00My mother could have written this! I do the men 's work for the holidays, because I am the eldest daughter and built like a Viking woman. I told Mom to only do what SHE wants to eat and decorate, to be able to enjoy the holidays and not over work herself. I eat almost everything, so I don't care what she cooks. I also don't care for decorations ,but I do care that me& her& the good relatives ( not the toxic ones) are happy& healthy. And if anyone whines about a special dish or decoration, I'll tell them to make or buy them themselves. I did this for the last 5 years and we are finally not exhausted at the end of the holidays. As for the gifts, screw them, I'd rather buy what I want by myself! Not as a reward for my work from other lazy people !

[@timelyferry]

I am frm India. I don't know what goes into a stocking?? Is it money??

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

@timelyferry depends on who it's for. For kids, it's small toys, candies, edible treats and whatever will fit in there! 😁 Adults it's the SAME but the toys are more expensive 😂 think apple watches and and the candies are a bit more sophisticated, Scented candles, jewelry, perfume, ties, socks, and gift cards are good too! It's just whatever you want to put in there really! There's ALSO some good videos on KZbin if you're looking for what the latest trends are and most popular gifts, and themes for Christmas stockings too! Just have fun with it! Good luck 👍🏾🤞🏾 And hope you have a very merry Christmas 🎄

[@timelyferry]

@@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066 aww happy christmas to you too..may you be blessed with a great year 💝

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

I remember that SNL sketch "and I gotta robe" hit home for a LOT of moms. We're all "trauma bonded" in holiday experiences!😂

[@AngelaLochCross]

Let's just take a minute to talk about the mental capacity it requires just to time it so that multiple dishes come out within less than 5 minutes of everything else so that it can all be on the table at the ideal temperature. I love that I'm just doing all this for my Mom after so many years of her making the holidays the best she could as a single mom and a single married mom at times. I love planning special events for my female friends when they visit too. The level of appreciation for every single thing makes it all worth it. Men may thank you for the end result, but women thank you for everything that goes into creating the end result because they know. And you know they know. There's this whole "I see you" when they say thank you as opposed to obligatory gratitude.

[@CordeliaWagner1999]

Timing dishes is most basic. Mentally healthy adults should know how to manage such an easy task. It's weird to think that it requires higher brain functions. But maybe certain people are unorganized because they don't think about what they do....

[@Babydoll-gf6cm]

I get so angry when it’s just me and my mom in the kitchen on Christmas Day while my brothers and all the men sleep all day and then wake up to enjoy everything! I express this to my mom and she agrees but still doesn’t ask them to pitch in. Sometimes everyone decides to sleep over, but I decline because I know I’ll just end up slaving for everyone again the next day.

[@isis-daisy3384]

Why don't you both go on strike?

[@tamarbatyah7]

Yes, you should sleep in and order pizza.

[@thelorax616]

I’m cooking myself a lovely pasta dish and crème brûlée for Thanksgiving, and then I will be watching shitty Thanksgiving movies alone with wine and weed - NO MAN disrupting my peace and NO FAMILY asking me when I’m gonna have kids.

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

Ooo that sounds like a wonderful time.

[@tahinaschwegler8112]

stunning

[@lordtette]

create a letterboxd list please.😌

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I feel so bad because my mother has been making the holidays so wonderful for all of us over the years and trust me, I’ve acknowledged her hard work and appreciate it all that she’s done for us. But now that it’s my turn to step up, I don’t want to do it because the labor is so intense. I started calling Thanksgiving “National women’s slave Labor Day” because of all the work that goes into it. I know I’m going to step out to the plate eventually I just need to pull myself together to make it happen. My brother is a lazy bones, but my dad has stepped up to contribute in his later years.

[@isis-daisy3384]

Why do you have to step up? You're just keeping the cycle alive. Seriously, don't do it.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

@ I’m keeping the cycle alive because it’s something I genuinely want to do. I just don’t want to do it as intensely as my mom used to.

[@isis-daisy3384]

@@LoveAndSnapple AHH fair enough. Yeah look after yourself and don't let them take advantage of your energy.

[@jinaolen786]

Collab with your dad and get him to get your brother's ass in gear

[@fangirl7914]

If your brother isn't helping, don't let it go, lay the guilt and distain on hard. Chewing out men may be the only way to foster change and he'll hopefully be a better man for it in the long run.

[@Asbestoslover666]

Its also so sad to learn as an adult that your dad never got you presents for christmas and it was all your mom doing the labour and magic making. Like damn dad, wouldn't you want to give your kid a gift from yourself out of love? I think I have like 2 gifts that my dad ever personally got me.

[@pastsubstance2930]

Had that too except what I did recently is pick out the gift for myself and convince my mom to tell my dad to pay for it and bc he’s lazy in gift getting, he will most likely do it - even if it’s expensive.

[@jojojams]

And let's add the fact that most women also do labour to make it seem like it wasn't laborious...cleaning, setting the table, putting on the cute outfit, showing the guests the final product and not her sweat, her flour on the cheek, a dirty kitchen cuz they clean that up too...Women are truly magical!

[@boomboomclang]

This is why I stopped cooking everything for Thanksgiving I spent Thanksgivings completely alone and been happier

[@toxiczombiewolf5692]

Honestly people should do it alonmore be thankful for yourself living your best life too many forget to love themselves.

[@adriennedouke1880]

That's what I did this year. It was perfect! I fixed what I wanted, and didn't worry about a thing. Went to bed early. It was lovely. I'm working on my projects today, totally stress free, imagine that. I am fond of saying: If it weren't for the women, there would be no hoidays-spirit-magic- or otherwise. I think the men completely miss the point though~Thanksgiving-Christmas-all the holidays-Just happen~ All.By.Themselves. Must be magic, right?

[@Mama_Doomm]

I’ve been buying and wrapping my own gifts for years because my husbands always too broke to buy me anything. The only reason I bother is because my daughter was sad seeing me get nothing while everyone else was opening gifts. For so long I have taken all the majority of household expenses while also doing the majority of cooking and cleaning. I’m getting very tired of it. If I’m going to live like a slave in the household he should at least be supporting us financially. Edit “why are women picking men who are good at nothing?” In my experience it’s because those are the only kind of men I’ve come across. I’ve had a lot of relationships and my husband is the best man Ive ever been with, yet he can’t hold a job and has spent years financially exploiting me.

[@PhoenixDragonResurrected]

I’m still listening but to further your point, there are men who ONLY do more around these “fun times “, meaning they do more effort than they usually do bc it’s fun yet the rest of the year they don’t recognize the woman’s accomplishments because she does it without complaining

[@gem9535]

My mother used to go all out for the holidays, but she's taken a backseat as of late and I'm happy for her. We're going OUT to eat for Thanksgiving, instead of her slaving over a slave for hours, and we're keeping it simple for Christmas. I'm gonna get her a stocking filled with her favorite sweet, cotton candy. I always hated how much she cooked on the holidays. Not because her food wasn't delicious, but because she'd be so exhausted by the end of it all, she couldn't appreciate her own efforts. Now she gets good food with no work (though I'm sure she's gonna tip our server $100).

[@didi7074]

I grew up watching the women in my family who ALL work full time and also pay the bills be the ONLY ones doing everything at home, especially during the holidays, most of them never got a gift from their husbands. Then when I became a teenager I was forced to contribute because I'm a woman and it made me hate all holidays but especially Christmas. I just see it as extra work and little reward. Most women become surprised when I say I hate holidays but when I say it's because women do it all they just shrug and say" it is what it is".

[@valeriewilson182]

This is something I’ve been saying for YEARS! It never ceases to amaze me how many of us complain about the holidays “not feeling like the holidays anymore” once we’ve moved away from the women in our lives who executed said holidays filled novelty, wonder and excitement. If you’d like a large dinner party with family and friends, YOU send the invites, curate a menu, procure decorations and activities, have a place to host, etc. The holidays are like the Super Bowl for women showcasing expert hosting and cooking skills, creativity and more! Not to mention they last from October through December! Some much credit is due to women over the holidays ❤

[@ErutaniaRose]

Very glad I grew up with my whole family preparing. My Dad made the Turkey every year, and each person had their dishes, my Dad would get something real nice for my mother every year at Xmas, and would get mad in a pouty way if he had no ideas for her, and ask us for help to make it a nice holiday for her. We all go out for last minute shopping to give her a day to just relax alone in the house. Which she often uses to wrap presents and sit down and sleep with the kitties. My whole fam cooks together. And we have cooking nights every week also to help my mother, and now cleaners to add additional support, as she has bad joints and ADHD which can make cleaning hard. We discuss how much is too much during Xmas, and put up decorations together. My Mum does the stockings and extra things like “the book fairy” because SHE enjoys it, and my Dad handles a lot of the main feast, while my mother handles the Xmas eve polish tradition. (But we plan the meal together and where to get ingredients, some are just canned, lol) I’m very glad the holidays were nit sexist AF in my family.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

14:04 I so get THAT part!! I love the holiday baking, decorating, putting events together with friends and family 😁 What I don't love, is being the ONLY one doing all that, and expected to be the only one! My youngest son seemed to think he didn't have to participate in any of the work involved because he "didn't feel like it this year"! Lmao you know what? Now I don't feel like doing it either, so.... If you don't help decorate the tree, it's not going uo this year. If you don't help put up decorations, they're not going up this year. If you don't help bake Christmas cookies, there won't be any. If you want to enjoy that stuff then it takes work!

[@Decadence13666]

This is how I felt for many years. On top of all of that. Was the feeling that I wasn't even going to be able to enjoy any of the Christmas decorations or fun because I have to work on holidays. So I would put these decorations up olny to have to take them down and not even be there to enjoy the day. Bleh.

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

Oh my this is such a good idea 😅😅😅. Yeah don't work the butt off for anyone. In my house, my kiddo 11 year old boy has to haul the dirty clothes for everyone to the laundry room, put in washer and switch to dryer then carry back to each room once clean and dry. He knows his obligations and he is happy to do it. He takes out the trash every Monday night and helps with clean up. He is a kiddo and still doing it. No excuses for any big grown ass man not to do any.

[@saltandpeppers8788]

@@LoveLife-oo9czWhat a great kid! Good job on you!

[@lordtette]

did he say why he wasn't feeling like it?

[@jazwhoaskedforthis]

If you're going to delegate tasks, DON'T micromanage THEIR tasks. If the man is going to handle the cleanup, he's gotta handle ALL of it CORRECTLY. Wash the dishes PROPERLY, put them away in the correct spot, clean up the house debris after, etc. Make him get his side of the family their gifts, don't be responsible for maintaining HIS family obligations. If you're in the kitchen cooking, no couch-ass football. He better be outside grilling, or use that time to put up the tree, or entertaining any kids and getting the guests their drinks etc. If you have a passive leech of a partner get rid of them, you only get ONE life

[@RiseeRee]

This is exactly why I usually leave the country for a beautiful vacation for Thanksgiving/my birthday. I feel like when you’re born on or around a holiday, you should prioritize what YOU want to do. If you want to make a spread for family, do that. If you want to dip out to Paris, do that!

[@olliecolporteur8268]

NO THE ORIGINAL TITLE WAS SO GOOD I FEEL SO GASLIT IT WAS BETTER PLEASE ELLLEEEEEEPLEASEE CHANGE IT BACK The Queen changed it back! The secondary title was: Santa is a woman (which I love and is snappy but like "Holiday Magic" hits so spot on)

[@light3272]

WHAT WAS IT

[@jelatinosa]

What was it? I didn't see it.

[@InternetNonsense]

@@jelatinosa santa is a woman

[@chrissy138]

Maybe she can keep this but make the thumbnail "Santa is women"😂

[@olliecolporteur8268]

@@light3272 She just changed it back

[@nikoletanikolova4181]

My now husband was so bad at everything when we started dating. He never gave gifts, not thinking for anyone, but himself, never think for helping in the house and so on. We started dating 5 years ago, when he was 29. He changed so much. He became the perfect partner, that helps around the house after work, helping with the children, even do more chores than me. Well he doesn't make plans, but I love doing it and he helps in making them happen. If he wants he CAN change, but unfortunately most man just don't want to. Don't settle for less, girls!

[@moongem4489]

I refuse to let this be my life during the holidays. Me and my partner cook for each other, help each other with chores, etc. When he comes to my house for holidays and family get togethers, he offers to help with setting things up. He's keenly aware of not expecting me to do more work than what's fair or than what I want to do. I also refuse to let older women in my family guilt me into being like them. I refuse to do more work than what is reasonable or manageable for myself, and I don't tolerate being mistreated anymore. It's difficult because I have learned (from them) to be a passive aggressive doormat, and it's difficult to unlearn, but I'm slowly improving. I understand where this comes from but at some point they need to learn to be mature adults too.

[@deec6535]

I’m not watching this whilst busily pre-cooking for Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Not at all. I’m not doing that right now. I also haven’t spent every weekend from August until now recipe-testing to ensure the meal is as good as I can make it (while my husband did whatever he does - and did a lot of yard work the past few weeks). BUT he is deep-cleaning the house right now for me. So I’m pretty thankful. He WILL take and be given credit for the ENTIRE meal, however. That part grinds my gears.

[@isis-daisy3384]

Why stay with someone who would take credit for your work? Baffles me.

[@fangirl7914]

He only gets to take the credit if you let him.

[@providenceartdesign]

You better speak up and thank him for what he actually did and thank yourself for making a meal that you! will! enjoy!

[@MMMNemesis]

I think hosting parties is fun, but I have noticed that if I do it to often, people (men) start to take me for granted and I start getting PM:s of them basically ordering things from me, like I am some kind of wife AI. Once one of them wrote: "Can we have one more board game party, it has been so much fun." and I had had about ten of those already at my house so I answered: "What a nice idea, what if we had it at your house this time?" I didn't even get a reply from him.

[@Aelffwynn]

That's so sad. I guess it's okay if they don't feel comfortable having people over for some reason, but they should then come up with an alternative that doesn't require YOU to do all the work.

[@carseatfries4369]

My husband always handle the cleaning before, and after, making drinks, setting up the table and serving snacks and desserts, while I handle all the prep and cooking. I have always cooked holiday meals since I was a kid since my step grandmother died. My husband knows how important holiday meals are for me so he always buys everything for the party even buying extras just in case before the store closes.

[@Luxedeb]

I remember two years ago I was living with my ex at the time and he had the bright idea for us to host thanksgiving. I cooked a whole meal for 5 people, all of which were his family, barely got a thank you or anything. When it came time for all of us to go around the table to name what we were grateful for, my ex said three different things with no mention of me. I cried so much that day. Needless to say, I was so happy when I finally left him 😂

[@valeriabarreramanzo2617]

I will say. I’m Mexican and though Mexican men can be machista, they actually help out a lot around the house. My dad always helped with the main dish and helped decorate or put up lights. I see a lot of lying around watching sports in American men, both white and black.

[@MysticOceanDollies]

Hispanic men are still expected to put forth some labor around the house. My family is Cuban, and my dad would make the repairs that need to be made before guest come in and clean up the yard and garden while my mom cleaned the inside of the house and did the cooking.

[@sSomeawesomeneSs]

it is the same for polish men. i wonder how much of the "blue collar men" helping around the house comes from their immigrant backgrounds

[@valeriabarreramanzo2617]

@@sSomeawesomeneSs yeah, I think because we come from more collectivist societies where we all help to contribute to the community most men will and do contribute. The US culture tends to be very individualistic and competitive due to the work culture.

[@juneelle370]

I heard on Hidden Brain that the most important thing is for it to FEEL fair to both partners. Because each person has strengths and things that don’t come so easy… so what’s easy for one person, may be difficult for another. So if both partners FEEL things are fair (and not from a superiority or inferiority position), that’s the best equation to work out in partnership for a good relationship.

[@duchahhhme]

I was today years old when I realized that my husband giving me money to get gifts for our children/extended family (which I still end up spending just as much of my own money on), all whilst I plan, shop, wrap, and prepare everything is not equitable.

[@LL-kc8rs]

Better late than never. You deserve an equal partner and genuine relaxation on your holiday.

[@EmJones-gu6fv]

This speaks to my soul and that's not a good thing. During the holidays (including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas....plus birthdays!), I'm the one that does everything. I'm the one that researches and plans all the fun holiday activities, outings, events. I schedule for them, buy the tickets, coordinate with other family members and friends so they can join us too if they choose. I schedule and coordinate, and pay for, things like pictures with Santa, family photoshoots (so I can actually be in some family photos for a a change). My husband had the audacity recently to complain about how busy we are over the holidays while I'm busting my ass to create magical holiday memories for our daughter. It was all I could do to bite my tongue instead of reminding him that, one day our daughter will be grown, and would he like her to have memories of her mom creating beautiful holiday memories and traditions while dad was just...there? Or worse, being a total Grinch and ruining things? Some people will argue that I'm taking this all upon myself so if I don't like it, I could just not - sure, I could not do all of these things that I do out of love for my baby and wanting to give her the best childhood I can, full of love and magic, and happy memories. That's not the point. The point is that we shouldn't HAVE to be the only ones doing this. It's not even like I'm a stay-at-home mom. I work a full-time job, 8-4:30pm outside the house everyday. I go to school full-time as well. My spouse works the same hours and we make the same amount of money. I'm the one responsible for getting my daughter ready for daycare every morning. I pick her up everyday after work. I get he dinner, play with her, get her ready for bed. EVERY. DAY.

[@ankaro4258]

Wake up bestie! Manifestelle posted!

[@alexacarrillo4339]

I always end up crying this week because I make all the food for 3 families in 1 condo which wouldn’t be a problem if we moved and coordinated as a group but it is me alone taking care of the group while the group acts like individuals and messes things up(they 100% rely on me to take care of them as well).I can bust out 3-4 meals a day for 12 people and not end up with tons of leftovers but if my sibling’s family ignores the plans that they agree to go with and randomly eat out or double buy snacks I can’t fix that. The thing that had me crying over salmon a few days ago is I am the only person held accountable for us having too much food. Even within our family with multiple mothers, wives, daughters I am the only one of us becomes the leader who makes the magic. That loving family meals and outings I learned from my in-laws which my family now relies on but whines constantly if things are perfect. My husband is the one that steps up in these situations which is such a relief and I know isn’t typical for many women. I am going to lose my mind and cooking is my happy place.

[@dian277]

this really made me reflect on how good of a father my dad has been. He doesn't care for the lights, my mom was indifferent, but I love it, so he'd climb ladders in cold wind to hang lights for me. And I like the inside decorated too, preferably with a tree, so my dad got me the tree and helped set it up, and I did the decoration, while mom did nothing cause she didn't care. He's also a great chef just in general, and he'd cook good food with my mom for holidays. He'd also get me Christmas gifts while my mom was indifferent to this holiday because we're Chinese, and she'd never get me anything. For a long time I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that women in the States, a progressive country, did most of the work during holidays, especially Thanksgiving, when the entire family is there to be fed, while they also work. When we were in China, both my parents would cook for Chinese new year, and both would take me to buy new year's goods and play with fireworks, and they'd both clean up.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

It's about reciprocity! We just want to receive a little bit of that time, effort, energy and enthusiasm we give so much of!!

[@nikik0le]

I run a progressive household. But the anger & resentment & exhaustion I have at every single holiday. Every single one. I honestly quit. I spent all this time planning & prepping & making meals that no one eats. They just want macaroni & cheese & complain about everything else. Costco sells Thanksgiving in a box & it runs about $40. It’s got an instruction label. I pick one up & spend the day binging shows. I don’t decorate at Christmas. Or clean up anything. I am also pretty exhausted of buying gifts for anyone that isn’t under 12. I’ve disengaged completely from holiday labor. I’ve never felt more at peace in November. I also called off all gift giving. I’m so tired of pretending I love some weird gift. Y’all, the chokehold that “it’s the thought that counts” has on women… just ask for the receipt.

[@ixi3emo]

Not me about to cry, I literally have watched every single video you've uploaded. As a big sister, I sometimes just need this type of advice.

[@user-wi9hv2pb2q]

Preach Sister, Preach! For all of modern history, women have been expected to 'make' the holidays.

[@amycarr2916]

"You perpetuate the behavior that you tolerate" 👏👏👏 Nominating for quote of the year 2024. I seriously love you 🫶

[@alleygoat]

“We celebrate and we create together.” Aptly put! I am grateful that my husband and I take on different components of the holiday based on our strengths. I enjoy decorating, preparing gifts, and baking while he takes on the cooking. We also don’t fret about giving each other Christmas gifts. (Plus, he expresses that he’s not keen on gift-giving.) Usually, we choose a high-ticket item, that goes on sale during Black Friday, and that’s the gift for the household. That seems to alleviate some of the stress of the holidays - especially since I work in retail hell.

[@geegee_509]

Glad I saw this today. My husband will be helping me on Thursday because since we spend Thanksgiving with his family, he’s going to cook for them too 👍🏻

[@lelz0394]

"helping me"

[@ashleywanner4656]

And this class is just reminding me to be thankful for my mom who always made sure we had a good Xmas growing up and was a single mom of 2 special needs daughters. Also super grateful for my grandfather on my stepdad's side of the family cause he's the one to do all the cooking.

[@nothingmuchtose3]

Ever since I lost my mom, holidays have never been the same. I've only just started to want to decorate, but it'll never replicate hers

[@babyg7796]

And they wonder why the birth rate is declining rapidly globally. Women are tired. I love the holidays-and I used the decorating, shopping, cooking, etc to mask the depression the holidays brought up since moving away from all my friends & family where holidays were a BIG, beautiful, fun event. Fast forward my bf of 5yrs never failed each year to make me cry either on thanksgiving, Christmas or both. He would constantly leave me to go hang with friends because “I was busy cooking” and then go right back out after dinner. Even when he did “help” he was constantly asking what can I do as if we didn’t buy the same foods each year. No, I didn’t do major cooking-we bought most of the dishes from Honey Baked Ham which is a GREAT alternative to cooking….but even that was “too much work” for him & he would honestly just be in the way. Even during cleanup it was so messed up & sloppy I would have to redo it. This is my 1st year single & it’s a relief & a lot less stressful. I’m going to my cousins house, she’s cooking & we’re having a small thanksgiving with her 2 kids. I would HIGHLY recommend to ensure everyone enjoys their day off- assign EVERYONE a main dish and rotate whose house it’s hosted out.

[@kaylachristenson9664]

There’s a lot of invisible labor I do as primary caregiver and mom, but it’s so much fun to do the holiday stuff - I’ve always loved it and dreamed of doing this!!

[@cassv5619]

A weird but what I find to be a great example of this, in my town we have a Lions Club and Lioness Club. The Lions club do all the fun activities, host fun days, play sports and heaps of other community activities, I thought that sounded great so I looked into the Lioness Club to join..... They bake cupcakes and host sausage sizzles, cook the burgers for our local events and just generally do all the less fun activities that literally serve the Lions club events. I want to help our community connect, not be an unpaid hospitality worker. If it was shared and both groups were similar but gendered, I'd not have any issues cooking when need be, but I'm not joining a group who's sole purpose seems to be doing the work that the Lions Club don't want to do.

[@summero-my5in]

Crazy how insidious misogyny is

[@ZebraFish629]

Maybe if men and boys were more involved with kin keeping, the male loneliness epidemic would be less intense. A portion of men don’t want to put in the effort of cultivating and maintaining a relationship (friendships, or romantic) but they want to reap the benefits that come from well cultivated relationships. If the women of their families and friend groups cut them off, would they be able to form healthy communities?

[@fleurosea]

I was literally just thinking that as I arrived both at your comment and at that part of the video essay. I saw a reddit post yesterday on ‘why are men so lonely’ because they don’t practice kinkeeping skills… maybe even having an awareness of this term could help people raise their sons (and daughters) to have kin keeping skills - I feel this might be one of those things where boys are left out because it’s not expected of them, but it would be vastly beneficial to their health to involve them in this form of labour.

[@alter946]

When people say "not all men," I'd like to say "not all women" to whatever degrading thing they like to generalize women with and see their reactions. Have a taste of your own medicine.

[@envie1941]

I always questioned why am I required to help while my brother and cousins play. My mother and aunts said because I'm a girl that it's my responsibility

[@rebelpiggy]

For the past two years, we have been going out for Thanksgiving with our friends. It's been great. This year, however, we all decided to make Thanksgiving food at my house. Luckily, my husband is cleaning the house right now since he is off this week, helping thaw out the turkey in cold water (has to be refilled with fresh water every 30 minutes), and he also bought the ingredients. We will be prepping part of what we will be making, and my friend is going to be making his mac and cheese and corn bread dressing. I'm just glad that we are all helping each other out for the holiday. I'm so grateful to my husband and friends.

[@hnnnnnnnnnng]

can i just say how much i appreciate the subtitles. even aside from my own personal convenience, it's a fantastic feature that makes this content more accessible.

[@alinegutierrez]

I refuse to host any holiday for this very reason. When I go to someone’s else house, I’ll help a little because I’m polite. I do not get myself stuck in the kitchen cleaning or washing dishes for 3 hours. I barely want to even go so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Sue-ef4vu]

Perpetuate what you tolerate…so true!

[@SheDetective]

I cooked my new boyfriend of 4 months a giant Valentines Day Dinner, spent about $50 on the ingredients. He showed up with 1 single rose and a tiny box of chocolates, then wanted to literally split the chocolates in half “so we both get to taste the flavours” since there was only 8 in the box. I told him not to ever do that again

[@wuzittooya]

That should've been your ex asap, wtf. 😨

[@Rash_max_2007]

Not wanting to be a villain, but I am so tempted to see "ex-boyfriend" in an edit, in your comment.

[@jinaolen786]

If you're not going to dump him, please match his energy!

[@treasure_willow]

this is so my family... during weddings like my cousin's wedding we the females especially us cousins were so stressed out doing all the work while the men just sat around. I was coming back from school and doing so much work washing so much dishes we were so tired.

[@LL-kc8rs]

I'm sorry they exploited you in that way.

[@squishymellowowo]

One thing I've learned never have expectations with anyone. Even when I put in a lot of thought and energy and planning things, it would feel nice to feel appreciated. It will feel nice to be noticed, but I don't expect anything in return. I just want to be noticed all the work and effort I put into anything. But if there's no effort or any appreciation, what's the point of even doing it? So I completely understand the flusteration, especially during the holidays. I'm the one that's having the bright ideas. I'm specially think about getting everybody. Christmas gifts even though I'm not expecting anything in return but I would like appreciation and someone saying, thank you. For putting in a thought and effort, it's something that just makes me feel appreciated and loved people love taking women for granted, and that's the most heartbreaking saddest thing i've ever experienced❤❤