How Autism SAVED My Marriage

[@Zvasha]

Loved making this one with you! Love you! PS: folks, I'm not a professional artist. Don't diss my stick figures because I'm sensitive AF. I'll cuss you out then go cry 😬

[@QuestingRefuge]

Haha everything came out great! Most fun I've had on a project Love you!

[@lola0lynn]

You did great the visuals made it even better :))

[@Zvasha]

@@lola0lynn aww thank you 🤗🤗🤗🥰

[@MsDyferrent]

Who drew those? J/k they made the story. Love it and love you

[@Zvasha]

@@MsDyferrent haha! Love you too ❤️

[@ThePaulineu]

This is so true! People love to assume that whenever someone does something unexpected, that person is stupid. This has huge consequences sometimes, for example, « why didn’t she leave her abusive relationship? She must be stupid » because the person any see her specific situation. Or « you forgot to do this thing I asked you to do? You must be incompetent » or worse « you are doing this on purpose to hurt me ». Trauma affects our abilities to not take something personally, and to see other people’s points of view when triggered, and I think most people are traumatised. Communication skills are so important!

[@QuestingRefuge]

These are all fantastic examples and I completely agree. It becomes a horrible cycle

[@LeslieExp]

Oh my god this is so cute. I love your wife's drawings!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! Was a treat getting to make them come alive

[@Zvasha]

Thank you! 🤗

[@costelinha1867]

I love how the month that is called autism acceptance/awareness month, just happens to be the same month that I, an autistic person, was born in.

[@a.w.e.5263]

So similar story that happened numerous times but slightly different... my mum would tell me to see of somewhere had water and I would go over check the sign and get the prices for ALL the beverages they have than come back to my mum and tell her the prices 😑 this lead to many many arguments... in a burger King one day after many of these misunderstandings I apparently missed that my sister "I'm going to orrer" means I had to watch her kids in the play room. Noone knew my nephew went to the bathroom. They yelled at me over this I told them if they say one more thing about me I'm going to walk home (we were about 1 hr away by car) they kept going because how did I not just understand if my sister is ordering food I have to watch the kids and Noone actually is going to tell me this until something like only seeing 2 kids heads come up even though I was sitting at the table with my mum... well suffice to say I left and started walking home. I walked for about 2 hours when a police office picked me up and they all started yelling at me but I still don't see how it was my fault and not theirs

[@QuestingRefuge]

Oh wow I can really relate to this! I'm sorry you went through that and glad you were okay after the cops showed up. That can be incredibly dangerous!

[@DrAnarchy69]

I’ve very happy to hear how autism was a positive in your life. Since accepting my own autism, my relationship with my parents has improved dramatically since I’ve come to accept myself as I am.

[@QuestingRefuge]

I'm so glad to hear that Trekkie! Feels like without that acceptance just battling ourselves and everyone else

[@LinusWeber1997GER]

Same :)

[@RebelMaus]

Also, yes communication is hard AF. Coming from someone who royally sucks at it. I had an experience with a customer the a couple weeks ago that made realize I may be more neurodivergent than I thought.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Dealing with customers can be really difficult. I didn't last long in some of those jobs for many reasons

[@RebelMaus]

I was trying to keep my cool (I wanted to lay into her because she was threatening our jobs) and was literally rendered speechless, so I said "I'mnot sure what you want me to say....." apparently I was dry and callous sounding which she didn't like. 🤷‍♀️ So glad I work with dogs all day and not too many humans lol.

[@Devokamii]

Been waiting for a new upload for about a month now, and it was worth the wait!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Haha thank you! Hopefully will not be so long for next few. I've had a hard time getting to videos I've been so motivated writing. Rare but good problem to have!

[@ActualFandom]

This is terrific!

[@jakmisom]

Finding out I was autistic was a great help in my life as well, especially with my mother's understanding of me. A lot of behaviors I exhibit would frustrate my mother because she just thought I was being rebellious when in reality it was actually me having a different than typical experience

[@sereminar4]

Thanks so much for this great video!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you for watching!

[@Ember_Green]

This was so good!!! My partner & I are learning about how my diagnosis can inform our approaches every day & I think we're becoming closer through it. Those drawings are too cute, too! Thanks for the shout-out & for helping with the series 😊

[@QuestingRefuge]

It's such a game changer, right?? I'm glad to hear it's helped for you too. And thank you! This is probably my favorite video of my own to rewatch haha. Hope we can figure out some more projects to do together in the future too!

[@Ember_Green]

@@QuestingRefuge totally! and there will for sure be more projects ahead :D

[@rawonions8827]

3:10 resonates with me so much I tend to take instructions very literally; because thats what you do when you’re given instructions, follow then exactly as they say, right? If there was something else, they’d mention it, right? If it wasnt worth mentioning than it obviously wasn’t important, right??? And so goes me never really knowing anything because usually what’s not worth mentioning is because people assume i already know that step. But unfortunately i dont buy ikea furniture and know already how to build half of the table by instinct. Oh boy do i love assembling legos with the instructions. Its good to know that im not the only one who would only do as i was told and check if there was water, even better to know that your wife didnt blow up at you like my parents would’ve and called you stupid. I even feel stupid right now typing this out, but its just been bothering me that i dont know how to do anything unless i’ve seen someone do it or had been given instructions. I always end up messing it up if i dont have like a clear reference on how im supposed to be piloting my meatsuit of a body. I guess what im trying to say is that i like that there are channels like yours that deliver personal accounts of experiences as an autistic person. Stories are the best way to connect people together and I think more people could do research on autism if information is delivered in a way that engages them and allows them to connect and emphasize, especially with the experiences of someone who looks at the world differently to them (ie: religious people, people who’ve experiences trauma or abuse, people who have adhd/autism, etc) Its more important that the actual people who are in need of representation today are given voices, rather than for an old white doctor man to be at the upfront delivering the experiences that autistic people “should have” without any experience himself. Im not saying that they’re all like that, just that it certainly feels to be the case. It was a nice video and i really liked your wife’s drawings going along with the voiceover.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! I'm so glad it resonated with you. It means a lot seeing comments like this! I try to remember there are things I think of others may not too! It's easy to be so hard on ourselves because the majority don't need something. Also, sometimes they do and were shown at some point and we just don't see that part. Hell, that's a major part of KZbin is how to videos so people can SEE exactly what to do. People just get confused when their assumptions are wrong and then tend to blame outwardly. That's on them if they do that.

[@kellylynn9560]

Kelly Lynn Love this video! The visual imagery really helps to follow along for someone like me that has a bit of trouble with auditory input.

[@QuestingRefuge]

Glad to hear! I try to keep in mind because it's a struggle for me as well

[@Wattsyy]

This was adorable! Credit to you both, super nice video.

[@Zvasha]

Thank you!! 🤗

[@QuestingRefuge]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@Emileigggggh]

This was a fantastic video! mostly listened bc i’m doordashing but i’ll give it another view for the art later 💜

[@QuestingRefuge]

Wow that means a lot because I felt the art really carried this one 😄

[@costelinha1867]

2:32 I had to watch that segment twice, but the second time when I finally was able to understand what happened, oh my god. So relatable.

[@Elena-zq8ml]

This is so wholesome and the artwork is adorable

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thanks!

[@Zvasha]

Thank you 🤗

[@eu3801]

Yay new video! Always great to hear your voice Willow 😁

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you so much!

[@skybluskyblueify]

Everyone has been abused one way or another and there are manipulative people out there. When we focus on just the abuse or past manipulative people we tend to also assume that the explanations for a miscommunication must be either abuse or manipulativeness. This kind of assumption hurts everyone involved, even the person assuming the manipulativeness. Finding ways to fight the tendencies to assume these two problems would be good for both NT and ND people. As an autistic person I hated that people assumed I was being manipulative while simply acting like the kind of autistic person I was. I hope NTs can open their hearts and know assuming the worst is bad for you too.

[@QuestingRefuge]

It is interesting how much even at a young age people assume manipulativeness. I always wonder if it's related to NTs tend to rely on subtext more.

[@borisarchive]

Amazing video!!

[@QuestingRefuge]

Thank you! Had a lot of fun on this one

[@FnafAndSplatoonIsAwesome]

Hi dad! It’s me!

[@twistysunshine]

God I definitely have done that water situation before haha

[@QuestingRefuge]

haha it really is comforting understanding this now and hearing from others

[@comicconcarne]

When you told the story about the water I shouted "YOU DIDN'T!" I could feel your wife's exasperation. I do the exact opposite. A group thinks I'm disengaged, I notice them sweating, so I disappear for five minutes, come back with water, and startle them by tapping their arm with it. This is apparently weird? I thought I had nailed nonverbal communication! A typical store conversation between myself (autistic) and my boyfriend: *I see something that would be a splurge, but I'd like it if my partner also appreciates it* Me: "Hey, that looks good" Him: "Huh." *nods and keeps walking, I assume he doesn't want it* *see another item* Me: "HEY, this *points* looks GOOD." Him: "Oh, yeah." Me: "What do YOU think of THIS?" Him: "Yeah that's pretty cool. Would be nice." *he keeps walking* Me: "I MEAN- I mean- do you want to- would you be willing to spend the money on-" Him: "Wait, do you want it? Why didn't you say that?" Me: "Because I value. your. OPINION, plus you have the debit card." Him: " ... oh. Well get whatever you want babe! I love you!"

[@QuestingRefuge]

Haha loved reading this especially the reaction. I have gotten much better at asking or stating things plainly in these kinds of situations now. One of these days I'll rant about nonverbal communication in general!

[@lostotter1956]

My prediction: - you checked for water, but didn’t ask for it like expected - you checked and asked for water, but it wasn’t available, and you didn’t buy an alternative cold drink

[@QuestingRefuge]

ya got me lol

[@gregs757]

Good i love the can you find out if something, and the implied if they do get it problem. I live that all the time and my partner and I just don't let implied ifs happen in conversation. When the do we just say "I forgot to say what I meant."

[@Lucas-gy5yr]

Don't be funny, youtubers don't get to meet real people

[@QuestingRefuge]

Haha well to be fair, it was from before I did KZbin

[@Lucas-gy5yr]

@@QuestingRefuge I was expecting to be proven wrong