How Do I Stop Lending Money To My Family?

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[@anya8221]

My sister stopped lending me by moving away, so I helped myself by working more, now I'm in a very good place.

[@rockintherae]

Pay her back

[@imakebank6524]

pay her back !

[@candy2325]

😮😲

[@antonego7950]

Wow you’re really inspiring to admit that and my situation was similar but it wasn’t money. it was that I could always live with them lol but once I had to move out and get my own place my life became so much better! ❤

[@vickyscorner24]

😂😂😂

[@mikewright2858]

I get so tired that people think that they have a right to what you have earned.

[@bettysmith4527]

Ditto, I went to lunch one day with a "friend", and when the bill came he said "you're rich you should pay it all". I said yeah, I am not rich, and I work for every penny, 60 hours a week, and my hard work isn't paying for you to eat out. I was working 60 hours plus, a week to cashflow my bachelor degree! meanwhile his work ethic was live with his mommy at the age of 46 and work a low paying job 32 hours a week, if that, with no desire to work more than that! Needless to say we are not fiends anymore since I got sick of his entitlement syndrome! People with poor work ethic, and those who are just allergic to hard work seem to think money just grows on trees in the backyard for those of us working overtime etc so we can go out to eat on occasion and/or to an event.

[@PInk77W1]

I got divorced I called my rich brother to ask him for $2000 to help me get an aprt. He said no As I hung up the phone I told myself Now either u sink or swim Now 30yrs later I’m doing great

[@aolvaar8792]

My brother makes ~$50K/mo. If I asked for $2K, ...

[@dorisdepinar21]

Someone stopped me from doing this. He explained if I kept doing this, they would never try to help themselves. And I was contributing to harm them instead of helping. It was hard but I stopped.

[@TroubleActual]

My uncle simplified this for me years ago. You can't help somebody who's contributing zero! Zero times any number is still zero.

[@katieg7679]

That’s actually super helpful, thanks! 🙏🏻

[@dagobert1234321]

You have a smart uncle

[@Whatorwellsaid21]

There is a phrase in Spanish that says, “to one who lacks shame, you respond without shame.”

[@janelleg597]

What is that phrase?

[@d_all_in]

@@janelleg597 its "to one who lacks shame, you respond without shame"

[@MehulP30]

How do you say that, in Spanish?

[@BellaLola26]

Si no te da pena pedir, a mi no me da pena decir que no. If you don’t have shame asking, I don’t have shame saying no.

[@breevestal]

I loaned my brother $1000 once and he never paid us back. Now he can never ask us for money again.

[@lyndaprice2003]

Helping people isn't always about money. It could be encouraging people to live a healthy lifestyle, Educating them about finance, emotional support or doing the lawns for an elderly neighbor. You can't help fill a bucket if it has a big hole in it. These people probably aren't wanting any true help

[@Sheryl777]

Wow Dave is so right about how we end up being doormats so many times when we try to be nice and help others financially. That is SO true! (As I've found out myself).

[@Josh_Morales]

When it comes to family, it’s best to live by the phrase, give a man a fish 🐠 he will eat for a day but teach a man to fish 🎣 and he will eat for a lifetime!

[@warrentrout]

Just say no. If they hate you for it, they are not worth having anyway.

[@LASKANDUDE]

My mom does this all of the time. She an enabler with two adults in our family. They are 48 and 32.

[@ytr8989]

They have learned to depend on you. Help them in other ways.

[@mrcrowleyoz]

When people who owe you money are spending money in unnecessary things, it’s time to ask for your money back. If they aren’t good with money, don’t lend them in the first place:

[@Rashaadthegr8]

The hardest is when you had a good parent.

[@BarelyNoticedADD]

Nice to know that Dave is still making mistakes and owning them.

[@scarecrow6988]

When you are as wealthy as Dave which is highly unlikely then you can make this ignorant statement.

[@Sheryl777]

Everyone who is human (and that's almost all of us lol) will still make mistakes all our lives off and on. No one can live a perfect life 100% of the time, (except Jesus of course).

[@nema151]

John and Dave are on FIRE with this one!

[@hansj2355]

Well, just stop giving it 😂

[@phillipneufeld3996]

If you wanna get rid of people in Your Life........LOAN THEM MONEY 💰 💰 💰 💰 💰

[@lyndaslocs]

My guess is that part of the caller's culture dictates "helping" family members. Then, to seal the deal, his parents made him promise to help. I have helped a sibling out, but it didn't harm me financially. I would try very hard not to do it again, however. If I were in a position to do it, I would help her pay down her student loans. These days, even people with health conditions can work fro home.

[@johndone8045]

Just die with the student loan lol

[@rinistephenson5550]

I was a dialysis technician for years, and we had patients who had jobs. They couldn't work every job but they could work some jobs, and medical counseling can help people find them.

[@kenyonferguson1243]

OMG! Dave Ramsey killing it haha

[@esonon5210]

Get comfortable with saying no. It will save you lots of headaches. Keeping your finances between you, yourself, and you.

[@dyates6380]

Right. I personally just tell them a half truth, which in reality isn't a lie at all. I simply say my liquid funds that AREN'T part of my emergency fund is tied up in high yield money market accounts (not necessarily mentioning the accounts) which in reality, minus mentioning the actual amount in my "emergency fund," is true. It's the easiest way. If they persist and ask for even a "smallish" amount, I simply say I can't. One person a while back - who I really don't know that well at all, and only know him from the neighborhood pub I've gone to the past few years, asked me for a thousand dollars until "next" week. I know the guy works a lot - like seven days a week as a painter - and he's a good guy who was in a jam with his son's mother and court costs and such so I'm sure it was an honest and legitimate request, but I had no problem looking him in the eye and telling him, again, truthfully, I've had some really bad experiences loaning people money and I don't do it anymore. He understood.

[@PassportBrosBusinessClass]

JUST SAY NO

[@YanilleCastillo]

This is a excellent question they never pay you back I consider it lost money if you lend your family money .

[@katieg7679]

I don’t think it’s true that enablers use others to make themselves feel good. I think more often they are terrified of saying no or it just doesn’t feel like a possibility to say no.

[@dyates6380]

I agree. In fact, I hated loaning money to a couple of friends years ago, but I did, and neither time did it end well. I by NO MEANS do it to make myself feel good or better than them at all. It was something that took me by such surprise before I knew it I was agreeing. If I'd had an inkling that either were going to ask I'd have thought of some way to say no ahead of time. Was I cowardly to not say no anyhow? Probably. That was years ago and now I have no problem saying no.

[@jimmymcgill6778]

Just say NO.

[@georgiesmith106]

This is the problem with homelessness…

[@catlady2795]

Nah, with the homeless, it's completely different.

[@lorenzovonmatterhorn7402]

I loaned a friend 500 euros. He gave back 100 and started avoiding me and people started talking how he owes to 10 different people. We are no longer friends.

[@cato451]

One word: no

[@queen.kristal8395]

My mom had kidney failure and couldn’t work for over 20 years physically because its a permanent disability. I say forgive the debt and don’t lend any more money.

[@PassportBrosBusinessClass]

Did you tell her about ONLY FANS? 🎥

[@kj7653]

I agree. Forgive and move on. Kidney failure is extremely difficult. Diabetes can be managed.

[@devpav9880]

I'd say holding a debt over a permanently disabled sibling is definitely breaking his promise to his parents.

[@ClaxtonBay123]

That sounds like a bunch of BS. As someone with Kidney Failure it is NOT even close to any kind of permanent disability. If your mom wasn't working for 20 years she didn't want to.

[@queen.kristal8395]

@@ClaxtonBay123 what are you talking about? YES it is she was discharge from her teaching loans because they knew she would not be able to work again. Remind you she was stage four and plus you would need to keep going to dialysis

[@cardinal8268]

I once had a friend who asked me for $600 because her car was going to be repossessed. I said " I can be your friend but I cannot be your banker". Turns out they were a gambler.

[@naomid9397]

It seems like most of the time people who rely on other people for money, money is not really the main issue. Basically, those people never really learned how to help themselves. So, on these situations “borrowing” money from others really is not a solution.

[@htomc42]

Dignity, like shame, can be the first thing out the door when money is involved.

[@dyates6380]

I never quite understood these calls. I've been "hit on" by friends for money - many years ago and I did help two in particular and it didn't end well either time, and I learned a lesson from doing it. DON'T. I'm lucky enough that I have a family who first off, doesn't need to borrow money as they're all products of my parents who, although not ever having much, taught us the value of a dollar and self respect and responsibility, but secondly they'd never ask for it if they ever did need money. How is it so hard to just say a firm "no"?

[@jamaicaninthekitchen4358]

If you are in a good place to help do it,especially if they are ill

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

I don't know what to do, my ex husband has sadly got addictions, he doesn't plan his money well or make enough and always runs short for meds (opioids) and alcohol, I always feel bad seeing the withdrawl symptoms so I give in.

[@veramae4098]

There are people who are poor, and need help. I give a friend of mine probably $200 - 300 a year. She works hard. Has a disabled husband. One kid she's home schooling. (Too many dogs, tho!) She did get rid of about 12 junk cars she had on her property when I pointed out several times they could be sold, metal for cash. I really don't know how she could do better.

[@Butterfly-rd4je]

Yes a spiritual advice

[@Chele-nm4qx]

My family always paid me back. Glad I was never in this situation.

[@olubunmiige7678]

Continue. Good Lad

[@jordanhoman0212]

There's a Cinema Therapy video about Megamind that talks about "Nice guy syndrome" and how "nice and good are two different things"

[@JohnnyJackson-yh9vw]

If a person has proved to pay you back. Give them the benefit of the doubts

[@kennymartin379]

If they haven't paid by now there not going to just Wright it off as a loss

[@PassportBrosBusinessClass]

I lent my aunt $5000 in 2011. I got it back in 2020

[@bharris4517]

Without asking for it or did you confront her?

[@YanilleCastillo]

Never saw any of the money I lent or the money they charged behind my back I forgave them but I stopped

[@lorenzovonmatterhorn7402]

At least you got it back 😂

[@sindrelaupstad5339]

She got a 9 year $5000 0% interest loan?

[@stephengamber7000]

I only loan as much as I would give. So if they don't pay it back, it was always a gift anyway.

[@feduppatriot7647]

I am no longer an enabler . Of course I am the sorriest low life to walk on this earth now , according to them , but I’m ok with that.

[@cookiesandpie4837]

Recently told my two brothers that I can no longer loan them money. One decided to cut me off cause he has no more use for me. The other understood

[@LoveLife-oo9cz]

That's how some people are. Once they find no use of you, they will cut your off. They are the heavy users who are not good at all. Don't ever feel bad for not lending. Don't let them manipulating you.

[@ChipZilla69]

I've been dealing with this for 30 years and I'm tried of being an overdraft facility. How do i deal of my brother is not lazy, just not able to make ends meet?

[@catlady2795]

For some reason, I don't think this is what his parents were talking about.

[@rochelle-xz8gl]

Dude don’t give them a dime! Just say no and understand that they won’t pay you back!

[@jimmymcgill6778]

If you have kidney failure, I'm pretty sure you can get ssdi.

[@devpav9880]

I'm pretty sure that supporting a permanently disabled member of the family is exactly what his promise meant to his parents.

[@user-ih7cu5rl4d]

I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.

[@user-ih7cu5rl4d]

I am a Bangladeshi citizen, I live in UAE, my family lives in Bangladesh, I have no parents, we have 8 people in our family, 3 are sick, our condition is very bad, I am also sick, so I want help.

[@front331]

If someone has kidney failure, how can they get off their lazy butts and work like Dave suggests. I'm confused.

[@alleykeosheyan4779]

I had a colleague with kidney disease, got dialysis 2x/week, and still worked. Guess the impact it has on each patient varies from case to case.

[@mbyrd6713]

They should be eligible for disability, but there are people who can work on the days they don’t have dialysis. It depends on the severity.

[@breevestal]

They can look for an online job

[@GDuncan8002]

"How do I stop?" Ummmm. Easy!

[@lukeharris2622]

✝️🙏

[@JYthePE]

Why is John Delony asking Dave if he can answer?

[@buckybarnes3803]

professionalism

[@alinatamashevich3354]

Pretty sure the building still has Ramsey Solutions on it

[@bettysmith4527]

Leave the past in the past, too late to fix that! They are adults, and they both need to get themselves to work, I agree with what John said!

[@Mdog1401]

Never been this early lol

[@fahoooooooooooooood1]

Totally don’t agree with you guys,, maybe it’s cultural differences BUT id donate my own kidney to my brother, id take a bullet saving my siblings and family… not only contributing money to have them back on their feet and never ask something in return and definitely will never ask for my money back. My family’s wellbeing is something I can’t negotiate ,,, what is the point if im in a good shape financially and my family struggles

[@joycewright5386]

But there is a difference between helping someone get back on their feet and people who do absolutely nothing to change their life. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you enable a bad lifestyle. Listen to what Dave said!

[@Sheryl777]

@@joycewright5386 👍

[@RoadieWingZZ]

There’s a huge difference between helping and enabling. If the problem endlessly repeats, you’re an enabler.

[@Sheryl777]

@@RoadieWingZZ 👍

[@hanifjones4914]

don't miss the lesson. he didn't say not to help. He actually said to help. Help comes in many forms and most times we don't like how it comes. it doesn't always involve dishing out cash.

[@jillroberts609]

35th comment