How do narcissists act after a breakup? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 642

How do narcissists act after a breakup?
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Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
Website - www.mentalhealness.net
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Thank you so much

[@wildrose12.47]

You can forgive someone to free yourself from the resentment, but that doesn’t mean you are obligated to stay in touch. No contact is appropriate for someone who abused you, especially when you know they will only abuse you again.

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@rsj4192]

That last sentence!💥

[@srm47]

I have that attitude, I try hard each day to forgive him for my own growth, but I will never forget.

[@LaudauteDominum-er2mr]

Needed this

[@palapalak.8907]

Thank you.

[@justinbalint5314]

The worst part of this is still being in love with them but you have no choice to leave that’s the worst part is still loving them but forcing your self to move on.

[@apriltate3955]

Same! Ughh

[@justinbalint5314]

@@apriltate3955 I’m sorry you had to go through this

[@StrongLadyZoe]

Ask yourself this: What is it you love with that person who lies to you cheating on you talk bad behind your back treat you like you are nothing worth for them and more EVIL behaviour? What is it you love with them you can’t let go??? Analyze your relationship and write down all selfish evil shit they did during the time you shared bed home life and friends animals/pets and maybe a car or something like that in things? What is it which is precious in that relationship for that obvious garbage existence? 😑

[@justinbalint5314]

@@StrongLadyZoe it’s so much in text to explain but you have the right logic but heart isn’t logic the heart is emotions and you can’t control how your heart feels but you can control your actions and use logic to walk away but I take one day at a time is the best I can do and anyone who is emotionally invested

[@StrongLadyZoe]

@@justinbalint5314 He finally admit after 10 years that he had used me from day one and this lying and cheating and this chaos in my life in my home in these years when I realized he had used his childhood trauma against me to blame on in acting like a devil towards me most of the time I had a childhood trauma as well but I became an empath and tried to heal him from his evil experience and promised him that I will never abandoned him. He abandoned the family so now he is out from my enviroment because he is a useless eater for me. Ok. I hope you can find ways to remove that EVIL creature from your heart and LOVE YOURSELF instead and start to take CARE of U. 🙏🏼 If U want to talk more it is fine by me. Take care kind U.😌 🙏🏼

[@OolongG952]

I find that they usually try to make you feel like something is wrong with you. They will be too proud to contact you. They’re going to tell people on your community that you were the crazy one and that you were the problem

[@mfcmxtt6490]

it's straight from the NPD hand book!!

[@kimgordon3695]

Textbook

[@djw8504]

That’s exactly what mine did! He said that I changed after I lost my precious momma. That is the reason he ghosted and left the relationship, and now after 3 months he is checking on me and saying and acting thoughtful. The time I was forced to be away from him, just made me realize how much abuse I was dealing with. Stay strong and move on is my advice. 🙏

[@OolongG952]

@@djw8504 I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I pray that all goes well for you🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@djw8504]

@@OolongG952 thank you so much friend 🙏

[@cynthiakemp7819]

I agree with Lee. I can't be a friend to a person who hurt or tried to destroy me. Nope.

[@MentalHealness]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@OneWhoKnowz]

Right

[@MissPamelaWainio]

You can't; they were never your friend to begin with 😢

[@WeatherLucky]

I concur wholeheartedly! I forgive,SPEAKE but I'll NEVER EVER FORGOT!!! SMH

[@e.1766]

Yeah, you can't be friends w/ an abuser, especially if You're attached to them Already. They take Full Advantage of they have Any access. They don't know how to be a partner so they can't be a Friend

[@chadfox6030]

I’ve recently been discarded by a female narcissist, and it’s one of the most brutal experiences I’ve ever faced in my life. She discarded me like I was absolutely nothing.

[@walterkovacs2865]

Don’t feel bad bro. I’ve been through this. 9 times out of 10 she discarded you because 1. You probably got hip to some bullshit she was on. 2. You probably weren’t giving her enough supply. Or 3. You caused a narcissistic injury and she ran because you hurt her. You are better off without her bro. Dont fall for hoovers and dont try to go for revenge.

[@starkillernoir7975]

Been there. They feel guilty, gaslight, etc. It will improve trust me.

[@rashaerichey9344]

I got discarded by a male narcissist

[@chadfox6030]

@@rashaerichey9344 narcissist are scum regardless of the gender

[@Dianam8913]

I got discarded by a male narcissist too. I went no contact and a week later he texted me but I’m no longer going to put myself in the cross fires to be manipulated & hurt by him.

[@Pink-Butterflies]

I totally agree about not being friends with a narcissist after a breakup. Friends aren’t abusive to each other. I can forgive you an forget you in the same breath

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@shanellem6310]

That's how I roll. Once I'm gone, I'm gone. It is not even an option for me to come back.

[@kimgordon3695]

Forgiveness is the gift We give ourselves...

[@dahliafiend]

@@kimgordon3695 our relationship broke my heart Our friendship nearly destroyed my life.

[@jelenajularic7338]

@@dahliafiend how? i had that kind of proposition from my narc ex and i said no cause i thought that it would be even worse..

[@lovecmh62]

When a person has a history of abusing you, it has become a natural habit for them. The abuse will continue. The mental roller-coaster they take you on will not end. Just be true to yourself and move on.

[@christianwininger77]

That’s exactly what my ex said to me… maybe “fate” will bring our paths back together. She was already getting her cheeks clapped by her new supply!

[@DukeBlueDevilFan08]

Yeah mine was kinda similar to yours my guy. She dumps me at the beginning of covid saying she wanted to live a bdsm lifestyle and that she wanted to focus on her wants. Not needs. All of this was in a text from the other bedroom. Coward didn't have the pride to look me in my eyes and go for the head shot breakup. The entire time looking at her feet while we were trying to talk. I asked if she's already practiced this with someone else, she denied it. I called her bluff. Her friends she kept around loved to fuck with me and I just backed away from them all. I knew she was getting her cheeks clapped by another person as soon as she said that.

[@Focus293]

Damn. I went through something similar. Sorry you went through that.

[@jaclynns.jungle]

They always have one on deck

[@ROAK_me]

I think I am in this same boat, nothing I did seem to matter. All my sacrifice of years and yesteryears means nothing at all.

[@nicolesiemens8727]

That's exactly what he said to me too! 😆 I asked him if he was ready to commit- and he said, "if we're supposed to be together someday, so be it." Ummm... could you make it any more OBVIOUS that you're cheating? 🤣

[@yathome5596]

Once the Narc is gone he needs to stay GONE. No contact is the only way. You may love them but you gotta love yourself more!

[@deeanthony7713]

I LOVE what Pink Butterflies said in her comments! She said, '' I can forgive you an forget you in the same breath.''

[@MissPamelaWainio]

Absolutely 😅

[@SuprEmpth]

Oooouuu!! Yes!!! 👏👏👏👏👏

[@IMTinaMarieJ]

I was reverse discarded in my 13yr marriage while I was grieving the loss of my mom. He moved on quickly with someone else who he had already been speaking to BEFORE we separated, taking trips all a sudden he’s not so “broke” anymore, and he’s pretending to be living his life while living in his moms attic. I will never be able to forgive him for all he’s done to me. If I didn’t have kids with him, he’d be D3AD to me

[@MentalHealness]

stay strong 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@IMTinaMarieJ]

@@MentalHealness thanks Lee!

[@djw8504]

Same thing I went through! My precious Mom passed away and it was the most painful time in my life! He wasn’t there for me, and started the discard, and ghosted me! I was crushed but thanks to these videos, I’m a stronger person. 🙏

[@cinclairhoward1450]

@ Tina Marie you have to forgive him, forgiveness is not for him it’s for you.

[@jokowalski1884]

After 14 years and 3 children plus 3 stepchildren, he text me it was over while I was at work. Monkey branched to a Co worker. Took my stepson I've known for 14 years and went to live at his parents. Told our children he was having a break for a few days. He barely sees them now. Believes he's done the best thing for him. Coward. I've made sure everyone knows what he's done.

[@amandahingle2286]

He tried to destroy me and my kids when I gave up the relationship. I could have never imagined someone could do all that he did.

[@rodericafreeman7603]

Same here!😢

[@clintkennedy8387]

"Honey get in the car .. we goin on a guilt trip." 😂🤣😂🤣

[@skellingtonmeteoryballoon]

yeah , can laugh now cuz its real.

[@thekingofallblondes47]

@@clintkennedy8387 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 remind of a horrible movie that can literally be in a scary movie 😆 🤣 😂

[@Freeminder-tj5us]

This is so classic - to be friends, be amicable. That’s what he said to me on the day he discarded me! Who do you think you are??

[@MentalHealness]

😞😞

[@5747589]

@@MentalHealness hey, my narcissist ex took our dog and won’t let me see her. Even tho in the beginning of her breaking up with me, we were coordinating times and whatnot to drop off pick up our dog from each other , for some reason after 4 month mark as I healed , she took her and even on a last phone call said “ok you can message me here” , 1 hr later blocks me on everything. She had said she doesn’t wanna see me or talk to me again, all of a sudden after the 4 month mark. No way to contact her, nothing. I haven’t seen my dog in 3 weeks and I had to grieve her on top of already having to grieve a 4 year relationship that she monkey branched off of with another girl even before she ended us.. Do you think as some time passes she will let me see her again??

[@phoenixrising4768]

It's true. You can't be friends with someone who was nasty to you. People idealise being friends post break up so much. Oh you had memories together etc... It's not necessary especially if you had a bad experience. No need to be self righteous and taking the higher road. Doesn't mean you will take revenge or anything. It's over that's all. Yes, there will be a lot of processing and coming to terms with, but.. Bye bye.

[@Pumpkinseeds1753]

This definitely happened to me! He was lying and sleeping on his phone so the new supply could text him when she needed too…he left and was trying to suck me back into his web of lies! But I made him pick her… and I picked MYSELF. I am doing no contact and sticking to it! It’s very hard on your mental so if you need to see someone please do! It’s like a volcano it destroys things and move on while you’re left to rebuild. Stay strong and take it one day at a time.🙏🏽💪🏽❤️

[@kimgordon3695]

🙏

[@modelchic4814]

This

[@Pumpkinseeds1753]

@@modelchic4814 not sure what that means? A picture with flowers?!

[@modelchic4814]

@@Pumpkinseeds1753 means that's the 1 I live this daily

[@faithgreen9228]

I just separated with my Narcisstic husband for the up teeth time I still love him but today was the last straw it's hard and it's day one but with prayer and God on my side I can do it we go to the same Church I need much prayer pray for me😢

[@randomspirit]

omg, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. It's so true!!! I knew my ex would replace me asap when I told him I was leaving (we'd parted company before, so this wasn't a new experience for me), so I gave him a heads up so he could just get on with it. I figured that'd be better for me if he had the next one already lined up. But he didn't believe me initially and said "all women get a little crazy in the winter time. It's the light deprivation or something." LOL! I just shrugged and continued with my plans to find someplace else to live and let him see me doing it. I'm confident he did start looking for someone new, just based on things other people said to me. When it came time to load up and go, he "generously" offered to let me use his little flat bed trailer (which I was happy to use!) and then he disappeared the night before. Okay, good. Glad I don't have to deal with him while I'm moving out. Three trips hauling all my stuff 22 miles away, returned the trailer and then went to the grocery store. On my way to my new home, with a Jeep full of groceries, the Jeep broke down. I opened the hood and discovered he'd cut halfway through the center wire on the distributor cap and it had burned the rest of the way through until it snapped apart. I opened the trunk of my jeep and discovered he'd stolen my tool box and the old set of plug wires I had back there, too. I think he cut the wire and stole my ability to fix it myself and then disappeared, with the expectation it would break down on the side of the highway out in the middle of nowhere while I was towing the trailer and I would be forced to call him for help, but he of course would be unavailable. Lucky for me, it survived all that hauling and broke down in town, just two blocks from a parts store. So, I just went and bought a new set of plug wires and a screwdriver and fixed it myself on the side of the road and then went home. I laugh now, to think of him staring at his phone, waiting for me to call so he could not answer, or better yet, answer and tell me I'm on my own because I dumped him. I never said a word to him about it. I bet that drove him crazy. LOL! As for the forgiveness thing...I think holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Let it go and move on, IMO. In my case, I've known my ex since I was in the 7th grade. We have two children and three grandchildren together. Over the course of 27 years we'd traveled all over the country together. There's a lot of history there and it wasn't all bad. Some of it are some of my best memories. And I learned a lot from him too (he was an Army Ranger-sniper). When I left, I made a clean break from him for me. I had a lot of healing to do, so I steered clear of him for over ten years even though we live in the same area. The last couple years we've been distant friends with occasional contact; like swapping garden produce or empty jars, that sort of thing. But I know better than to believe he's a "real" friend that I can depend on. I know him too well. So I have very stringent boundaries and if he asks me for something I don't want to do or give, I say no and I stick to it because I know he'll use me and suck me dry if I let him. In fact, he tried it a few days ago. He asked me to drive him to a doc appt for a pre-op exam. He's almost blind and needs cataract surgery. Okay, I can do that. I'm a decent human being and he really doesn't have any reliable friends. But as soon as I said yes, he started piling on all these extra things he wanted me to do at the same time; pick up a trailer that I don't have the right sized ball-hitch for, go pick out a puppy for him (seriously), run to the liquor store...Um.... Risk an accident or ticket on my CDL? NO. Pick out a puppy for someone who shouldn't be allowed to have a goldfish? NO. Help him feed his addiction? NO. To the eye-doc and back, that's all he gets and if he keeps pushing, he won't even get that. LOL

[@kekeunlimited]

Wow, sounds too familiar

[@latinalife2458]

If I tell my story you gonna be shock But yes all this is so true! I am living it You guys help me to move on, even though he is still here.

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@candygirl2131]

I just had to get a restraining order yo get mine out. And he is now back with his kids mother. After 4 years of living with me and supposedly no contact with her. It's heartbreaking, but I he was slowly breaking me down, so he had to go with force .

[@modelchic4814]

Sad...I'm in so much pain now I just left the 12 yrs of all this narcissistic stuff I cry daily

[@latinalife2458]

@@modelchic4814 be strong 💪 we can do this. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Every day I say I love my self I am a good wife I am a good person God loves me

[@tinawashington4345]

Wow I never knew what a narcissistic guy was until I started talking to this guy about 9 months ago. When I tell you he was smooth as a cucumber, sweep you off your feet. He treated me as if there were no other woman in the world at first!! We had the best times together always laying, talking late at night everything was great. But then the narcissists started appearing slowly but surely, he would ask me why did I want to be with a man like him? He would say you can have any man you want why me?? I don't have anything so I would ask him why not you and my gosh I see why he would ask me that, he first would start being loud and saying stuff like if you don't like how things are you can leave me alone and go on with your life I'm not ready to br in a committed life now, I haven't had time to be alone from my divorce I haven't really had time to heal from the divorce and be by myself!! I'm like really?? Are you freaking serious then there were verbal abuse sometimes, and if I just wanted to talk to him about what is happening with you and why the sudden change did I say or do something wrong and come to the conclusion that it never was me it was always him!! So the last out burst with him I hung up the phone and never called him back like I would do, I changed up and I didn't call or text for 3 weeks now and I was truly in love with this man but he isn't for me!! He told me that was a Amazing woman the whole package but started talking to me like I took his last meal or something, so I figured something was wrong with him and walked away 😢 SMH how can you want a great woman get one then run her off because you have Dam issues 😮 I forgive him but I will never forget it...

[@tiffanymartelli]

I’m truly happy to see narcissist facing and owning their sugar honey iced tea. I honestly thought it was impossible. You have to face and own your issues to heal, which narcissists are unlikely to do. Good for you. 🙏💜

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@laustin2832]

During a Hoover/mini lovebomb we were hanging out at a bar and it seemed like we were connecting again so I said that if things didn’t work out I hoped we could be really good friends. He randomly raged about it for the last few months of our relationship. He knew I was tapping out so he intensified the smear campaign with his family. Luckily they all know he’s a big time narc and they started to give me subliminal cues that they knew he was the problem. When he tried to tell me he wanted to die and he didn’t mean to end things I reminded him that he was cheating and he knew that was my dealbreaker. I told him to confess to everyone he’d been lying if he really wanted me back, and he went silent 😂. I miss the “soulmate high”, but I’m glad he’s out of my life. As soon as he finishes paying me back for things he put on my credit card…

[@kimgordon3695]

Ha! Pls don't hold your breath...

[@Ferrys1220]

The last sentence 💥💥

[@SmoothOpe_]

Girl that mf isn’t paying you back. Count your losses and go ghost. They are parasites. I’m praying for your healing and I pray that God will compensate you for whatever financial loss he caused you xx

[@Girlwithapurse03]

LMFAOOO both feet out the door and doing the lean back 😭

[@MentalHealness]

😂

[@eugeniajones1895]

He was already checked out in the relationship long time ago. And I was talking to myself. So I realized that no matter what I said didn't mean anything so I was ready to move on and I had wore out my welcome. And why would I want to be around people that hate me. So I did what was best for me. I did forgive and I wish them the best. I won't be going back, when I 'm done I'm done. It's a wrap

[@OneOfAKindJEM]

Thank you for this. Especially the part about being friends after they have treated you horribly. You don't even deserve to be in any part of my space let alone be friends. I wish him the best, but have no regrets leaving the marriage. Currently in my season of healing from a lot. Its not easy but I know I will be better for it!

[@ShantysLovecast]

This is literally what happened to me. But it’s okay, she can have him. She’s in for a ride. Taking my WIN 🥳🥰

[@viviancheek8044]

I was floored when ex husband went into rage I was loving it when I pulled off in my car got down the street laughing thank you, thank you I'm free.

[@bunnykinssmile]

Yessssss! I always described him as one foot out the door when I was always 100% in giving giving and giving.

[@MentalHealness]

😩😩

[@bettycarmella1127]

Thank you Lee🙏🏽 I just found out I was his “revenge” for his wife. She left him for 2 months. While she was gone the love bomb started. Looong story short I dipped out once I realized what the deal was🫣 but before I could he had already started with his office worker aaaand is back with his wife🙄…

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@danidiaz2377]

Omg 😲 this is basically my except story. Now he's back with his ex wife and he's ask me to move in with them?? He is delusional. Won't ever speak to him again he can burn in hell

[@Kara57212]

The question is how does someone recover from something like this. The relationship that I had with my ex has truly traumatized me.

[@miguelcruz2682]

I believe by recovering from by being traumatized IS that you lived to tell the tail!!

[@bernadettem6633]

I am so sorry to hear that Kara! I had a repeated pattern to engage with narcissists. You will get there! Confide to friends who have their life in order, seek counseling, watch youtube videos like this one. Take your time! Be forgiving towards yourself that you have such a beautiful heart, that you could never ever phantom behaviour like this. Do yourself good! Take baths, take naps, take walks, eat what you like..get a dog or a cat. treat yourself like you want to be treated. Do you know the teachings of Abraham Hicks? You find a lot of videos on KZbin, changed my life. Sending love to you, you are not alone

[@AmyKeane-f1n]

This unfortunately happened to my 16 year-old daughter. It was her first relationship 😢 He fooled all of us for awhile with the intense love bombing. She found out after they started dating that he had been texting her while he was still in a relationship. He had a ton of female “friends” that he would hang out with alone for hours at a park, but never introduced her to them. He met a new “friend” at school that he would talk about and Snapchat with CONSTANTLY, and even when my daughter said she was not ok with this, he continued to talk to and snap her. The “friend” even got a job where he worked and he said he couldn’t help where she decides to work. They got caught in a cycle of her bringing up the issue of the other girls, he would “apologize”, promise “change”, and end up tearing himself down to the point where SHE ended up having to comfort him. He would be good for a few days, and then the behaviors would start up again. She finally ended up breaking up with him because of this, and because he continued to try to push back on her physical boundaries, too, and THEN he tried to make all these changes. Too little, too late! She has been so mature and strong, and I’m so proud of her, BUT, they are going on a missions trip for two weeks together with a group, they go to the same church, and going to the same college for the same major, so I’m nervous for her to have to have frequent contact with him. He already has tried hoovering her many times, including at orientation for college. Shes blocked every other point of contact (text, Instagram, Spotify). She refuses to give up on her dreams, but she’s not looking forward to dealing with him 5 days a week for the next few years 😫 Any tips on that?? Thank you for all you do! Your videos have been helpful to this mom of a beautiful girl with a shattered heart. She did not deserve this, and I pray it hasn’t ruined her outlook on love forever since it was her first experience with “love”.

[@vonquettethomas9869]

This has to be heartbreaking for a Mom, I can imagine it feels like you've experienced this yourself 😢

[@AmyKeane-f1n]

⁠@@vonquettethomas9869it has been heartbreaking for sure. I thought of him as one of my kids, welcomed him into our home, fed him dinner almost every night, and truly grew to love the person I THOUGHT he was. It was almost like grieving the loss of a person who never existed. It’s crazy how it messes with your head.

[@crixdeustch7205]

Forgiveness and friendship are not the same or is a consequence of. I dont need more friends

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@JennyGaston]

You are spot on. 🎯The reverse discard can be intense. They'll pick fights, gaslight you, & place your kids against you to make you tap out.

[@MentalHealness]

🎯

[@kimgordon3695]

Don't EVER #tapOut

[@TheSpiritRoom23]

Yes mine picked fights purposely thank god I realized the BS!!!

[@happycamper1111]

She wanted to go to the gym and snapped when I suggest some times to go. One of the last things she said was I've been trying to get rid of you for a month take a hint. It escalated fast once I asked for something and pointed things out like being put on the back burner and her wanting to treat me like a dog.

[@Macy-hg2or]

Very true.

[@sashamean1254]

Dang....these narcissistic folks are rotten inside....hoppin from body to body....🔥🔥🔥

[@melliethemortician]

I have NPD as well(I was diagnosed at 14 but didnt get help until I was 20), seeing so many more people be open about it helps so much. For years it felt like I was forced to hide that part of me to the point that it was making me mentally worse and hurt people so much more. Now that im open about it I feel so much better, I realize now what tends to trigger me and how to stop it in its tracks. Just got broken up with in early March and I started to sink back into that place and become very erratic and constantly messaging and calling him. The whole relationship started great and in all honesty he was the reason my NPD wasnt as bad, he had helped me so much mentally but outside of that he wasnt the best person, but bc people know about my mental health they didnt believe me and I didnt want to be seen as a liar anymore so I just dealt with it. I dealt with him constantly throwing my mental health at me whenever he did something that upset me, him constantly asking me to act different or be different bc it was 'weird' meanwhile I was trying my hardest to be healthy mentally and physically, it got to the point he would only ever see me when he wanted sex even if I was sick(and resorting to SA when id refuse bc of pain) and I hated it. He ended up breaking up with me because it was "too stressful" being with me because of my flare ups(I have sickle cell anemia) and then tried to turn it into me being the 'crazy ex' when for once i wasnt. But it still feels like its my fault that i couldnt make it work or try harder to not split or be better mentally. Im still not 100% mentally okay and I wont be for a while but one thing I did realize is that he needed more mental help than me and I hope he gets it. I may not be the best person but years of therapy have helped me realize how to not be horrible and how to control myself and my emotions so that I stop causing others pain. Thank you for your posts and being so open about it and us as people. Hope youre doing good.

[@alexakearney]

I ABSOLUTELY dealt with the reverse discard. So much happened that I had no choice but to leave and he already had his new supply

[@MercadoMomMoments]

When I was done and throw my ex husband out for the last and final time. When he came around to see the kids he told me he could finally look at me again. He had moved on and was living with his girlfriend tried making a pass at me and when he left he called me on the phone trying to convince me to basically be his side chick. 🙄 I have never looked back and I am grateful that I learned about narcissism because I had no idea we married in 1993 and in 2016 I was completely done. Now it all makes sense so I'm no longer confused I got my closure from understanding what I went through he was never going to give me the closure I needed ever. I feel sorry for him and don't blame him because of this disorder but I'm at peace with my decision to finally let go. You may never no for sure if they suffer from NPD but doesn't matter the pattern continues.

[@KelvinKim-desu]

The tricky part of this is that the person on the other side of the relationship who has been gaslighted and emotionally manipulated over and over could also behave in the same way. So it becomes an arms race of who is the narcissist. I think I just came from something like that. I was convinced I was the narcissist by a manipulative person who had me convinced that I was losing my mind. When I finally walked away after 4 years she started accusing me of all these things you are describing because she's a psychologist and knows all the traits. To date, I'm still struggling with my sanity because I keep second-guessing every decision I make even though I feel relieved to be finally out. I also don't want to stay alone and isolated so I have started making new connections for which I could be accused of moving on quickly and therefore more proof that I am a narcissist. It's a terrible state to be in. All I know is I never want to hear from her again.

[@majorsolutionsllc]

Excellent commentary.👏👏This is probably why my ex husband tried to hoover me for 7months(writing letters for 7 months and sending flowers and inspirational books)after I left him. He was blocked on all social media, email, phone. However, I own a business location. He was surprised and probably didn’t have a long term supply set up….yet.😅👍🏽

[@MentalHealness]

Oh wow!

[@danieladegan8106]

Mine didn't have her secured yet, knew I was getting ready to end it so broke up with me first then thought he was going to still live with me until new one was all good and ready for him 🤣 they have no heart

[@MentalHealness]

😩😩

[@anjailmuhammad300]

I literally just went through this!

[@stylist62]

We need to forgive for our own health, but release them learn from it, not allow it again

[@navimarlow]

This!! 💯💯💯

[@feebee2599]

You have to forgive so that you wont be held hostage. The Bible speaks on forgiveness. Thats what has helped me survive this 45 year marriage to a Narcissist, who now have to admit that what he has put me through alllll these years was due to this Learned Behavior. This has not been easy for me. But God! I am not a victim, i am a survivor. I'm Woke now, i have always been woke. When i thought I was crazy once upon a time ago, but God, revealed to me i wasn't, i was in my late 20's Just didnt have a name to what i was dealing with. Now, this is not the playground to play on. Now, whether he gets help or not, he has been put on notice. I GOT MY POWER BACK!

[@azike24]

They act like you are the one that has a problem then disappear and start telling people that you have a problem and you are the problem. Oh one of them in the name of pastor called me all kinds of names in the book cos I refused to do what he said and I stopped contacting him. He was mad for six months and he is still mad.

[@mfcmxtt6490]

this makes sooo much sense. thank you!! he had me idealised (supposedly hooked and under his control which was his ideal ) until I dumped his sorry arse one day ( and I see now, that at that point I lost my crown as the ideal woman/ supply in his mind, thankfully)... silly me went back to him and apologised for impulsively ending things with him, not long after ..and of course he wasn't going to say no..supply is supply..especially as he is lazy and opportunistic ..and I offered myself willingly on a platter and I think he quietly liked the idea of revenge and trying to destroy me for 'hurting him' (told me in a dream recently that his goal was never to love me, it was like a hobby of his to take bright things that he found offensively beautiful and destroy them) It makes sense to me now that He wanted the opportunity to be with me again for just long enough to groom the new supply at his gym (he's a PT..🤮) and hedging his bets on her being a good new target. equal to or better than my supply. then he jumped ship. turns out the alternate vessel is leaky and creaky and not at all what he assumed. it's not satisfying to him, though she owns her own house and has her shizz together so he can Atleast mooch off that (the grown man himself lives in a leaky shed in his parents garden) meanwhile I have seen him beyond the mask now and have come to my senses and into my self love and personal power and I am LOVING watching him having to sail away on the sinking ship 🚢 bye boy 👋 Ps funnily enough I think he was counting on me being codependent and low in self esteem and taking him back at his convenience. But really I am just out here living my best life and thankful for the truth being revealed and feeling better than ever.. I will never be so low in self esteem again that I don't protect my own light and leave it unguarded. it was a healing of a childhood wound of feeling worthless. now I know all of life loves me unconditionally and that I have a right to shine and know my shine and love my shine. my neck is no longer an easy target for the NARCS who pray on unguarded, tasty energy sources to feed off. We need a Narc OFF spray like anti mosquito spray.

[@cowboy117j]

This hit me hard. Thank you for helping me laugh about it. But we split last summer for a couple weeks then she got kicked out of her moms and I took her back. And she moved back in. Within a month she started working on her new supply and the abuse got serious to the point I hit the lowest point I’ve ever been too. Videos like these have helped me more healing this year

[@shannonbell79]

In 3 days time of having my abusive partner removed from our home by a judge, he has done major hovering, manipulation guilting me about our kids feelings and how I need to let him back in the house to save them from all this pain. He has no remorse for what he was doing to me, still says it’s my fault, and how I’m selfish. He had no idea what was going to transpire, and was blind sided in court. He was also instructed that we can only use a parenting app to speak so everyone can see our conversations. To say he is beyond raging fire is an understatement. Our kids need safety and I deserve to feel safe. And this is the only way at this point

[@KisweBeauty]

1:33 he told me that if he dies, it is going to be my fault. This man was a joke!

[@jaclynns.jungle]

My ex tried to still be friends, but wouldn't tell his new supply about me. He started love bombing and dating her while we were still together. I told him to delete number and have a good life. I've never been happier 😂

[@anniewright3233]

I'm sorry to haer that you are experiencing this. I have a feeling that this has been happening. He lives in the same street.

[@titanniki412]

My NARC EX GF use to say You are always the one giving 80-100 % to this relationship. When I would ask Y is that she would say "I'm Trying!" 1st 3 mos she loved bombed me. Next 14 her masking slowly fell off. I made a journal & recently a video of the negatives. So I'm working on me! Her new supply will be treated the same. She is 50. Always been a SIDE CHICK. RED FLAG, among many I missed

[@shewinsalways1181]

Man this is so true! I took him back and he thought I was going to leave him again so he never really left his bm-he knows she’s not going anywhere! 😊

[@karolinah12]

You are most accurate to me, I made the mortal mistake of taking him back after I dumped him ( and I was so right to do it). He went onto another level as soon as I lowered my defences. His "revenge" was 10 times ten worse than the initial issue. Damn 🎉 I learned. This time I just silently and quietly removed myself. No words, nothing.

[@brandiseafler]

Oh my goodness! This describes everything I'm currently going through and have been going through for years. My ex and I divorced, and he kept begging me to take him back, but then the whole time he was with someone else. He had his new supply! It's been an emotionally draining experience. He cheated so many times, was beating on me, and I was always loyal to him and taking him back. This time, I stood my ground, but he already had a new girl. It hurt, but at the end of the day, I feel stupid because I allowed him to keep doing it. But this time, I changed my number, I deleted Gmail and blocked him on fb. Anyway, good luck to everyone going through their own personal relationship hell.

[@athomewithrobin292]

My story to a tee. The part tge kills me inside is how stupid I feel giving him chances after chances. He is going back to his ex who always takes him back. They were never married but we were. He treated me just the same I feel even worse. I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

[@yarabia]

Oh yeah, he lied to me, cheated so many times, left me always when I needed him, yet when I broke up with him, somehow he told me, that I nver loved him :D

[@janaejohnson9090]

There was a point where I was overwhelmed with work, family etc…. I said, “I can’t talk all day, I just need a little space to function. Bear with me.” He ended up calling me more, bugging me constantly!! I was like WTF. He had a new chick move in with him days after he discarded me. That was supposed to be my house. Still healing. Total mind screw. Worst relationship ever! Traumatized. It’s just cruel.

[@jessicawilson8114]

I’ve learned when he broke up with me he never got over me, so he never had a supply

[@Mjones4949]

Yep. Reverse discard with your to do list. Acting like they want to work it out while they are securing the new supply.

[@itsallfunandgamestil]

i broke up with the narcissist, he argued with me for hours about it and twisted everything and made me out to be a villain, and i just had to sit there and take it because he was scary, but then he finally was like, "you know what, i cant be with you anymore, i deserve better." 🙄 He was able to leave with his head held high after that and probably feeling like he just said some real s**t. But, i didnt care, i let him walk away believing he broke up with me. I was just happy he was gone. He ended up calling over and over again before the night was over. I eventually took him back because he was so persistent and i knew nothing about narcissism. That was years ago. He's not in my life anymore.

[@juliacockerhamJuliaCPhT83]

As in my case, my Ex moved his mommy in the day I left. She is just as narcissistic as he is. Now there is a match made in heaven.

[@carlaruggiero5200]

I'm involved in a bizarre situation similar to this

[@MentalHealness]

😑😖

[@ourownmuse7291]

Our whole relationship was him messing up us breaking up and then him coming back and promising to change… never lasted…I take full responsibility bc I always want to fix ppl and attract these kinds of men… he ended up breaking up with me begging to stay friends. Then when I tell him I can’t be friends anymore… he wants me back…then tells me he’s talking to somo else. One thing a narcissist does is always leaves u confused and will have u questioning everything!!!

[@tianamarie2774]

@@ourownmuse7291 going through something similar. Was in a relationship on and off for 4 years. About 6 months ago we get back together, he proposed, he moved in with me and that’s when I really saw him for who he was ! Alcoholic and abusive. But he hit a soft spot by being a father figure to my son… I started getting the gut feeling that he was cheating and seeing signs but no actual proof. We got into an argument and he decided 20 minutes later he as moving out. Said “he couldn’t live like this” got tired of me accusing him of cheating. Feeling bad I blame myself and begged him to forgive me and to work it out. He left anyway. A few days later I found out he actually was cheating and I decided that was it. No turning back. I’m hurt but I know eventually it’ll get better. We’ve been through things before but now I know I can’t go back to that. It hurts for sure

[@stylist62]

GOD bless you for teaching, confirming, I need to think of my self, I tend to think of others , I find pleasure in giving helping, the right people, not vampires.

[@christinavolpe879]

It’s interesting how little one can think for themselves and the lack of emotional intelligence one caps at. And then accuse you of illusions while living their own lies.

[@donnadaniels5095]

Thank you lee⚘ my Ex narcissist was a coward😂 he tried everything and he said who are you😂 because I ignored everything he have ever said🤷‍♀️ before I knew who he was,🎭 he didn't know who I was 💪SUPER Empath, narcissistic, worst nightmare.. never underestimate the person you're attacking, boy was he surprised😂

[@eii1999]

7/26/23 I am just totally mind blown by this. I realized I was too innocent at love not knowing I loved someone who is a narcissist. every part of the explanation was just on point. I broke up with him but I felt like he provoked me to do so. then days later someone told me he’s been seeing someone new all while love bombing another girl on social media. crazy right? I came from a 5year rel with my ex who cheated on me. we were both highschool when we started. It broke me so much down to my core but moved on in 6-7mos. Then I met someone whom I didn’t realize was love bombing me at the start of our rel. I felt manipulated, abused, used by this narcissist who’s also a serial cheater. 3mos into the rel with him I felt something weird like he’s not being real to me. we fought over 5-6 women during the entire course of my rel with him for almost a year. I was manipulated into thinking that I was just overthinking things until such time I got proofs he’s cheating on me so I gave up. It exhausted me for real. I didn’t have peace of mind. People are just too much! but after all things I’ve been through from my two exes, I just kept silent, never did revenge or post anything against them on socmed ever. still wish them good in life. I know for sure one day, when the tables turn, God will put me in front of the people who broke me. by that time, I’m seeing myself complete like I was never broken. and would still believe I will get the best love that’s always been meant for me. 🥹

[@yathome5596]

I dumped my Narc 14 years ago. I tried ending it civilly and kindly. We did not live together nor have kids, so it was easy or so I thought. The games, the begging, admitting meeting someone one week and that I was the one the next. I finally went no contact and I thought that was it. He met someone else and married them BUT taunting calls started happening a few years later, I finally asked him to lose my number. Did not hear from him again until 2 weeks ago. 14 years after I dumped him, he’s still married 🙄

[@angelahart1479]

Yep I'm with you Lee. I can hold a grudge too. I'm not a narc but when someone does a job on me like my ex narc my trust in her is smashed so no coming back.

[@patriciajohnson6653]

Yes you go be all you wanna be..but no I'm good!

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@danibear7643]

I just want to thank you for sharing your point of view of how a narcissist thinks. You helped me stopped loving my abusive ex. I had left him and conquered the no response to him but mentally part of me still loved him and I was in denial thinking he didn’t know what he was doing etc. Do to your videos you helped me mentally letting go completely❤

[@lulekomaphumulo808]

That what happened when I broke up with my narc ex, he accused me of cheating and threatened to harm me and my "new boyfriend" he saw that his threats weren't working he started being nice and offered me money, gifts and a romantic weekend at a fancy hotel and that also didn't work out he decided to move down the Road from my house, stayed there for 3 months and moved again, haven't seen or heard from him since then and I hope and pray it stays that way forever.

[@mimikatt_]

omg he literally took me shopping, spent so much $$ on me, started talking abt moving in together, then a week later he left me 🤯

[@munecaent]

I am going thru the guilt trip and all that other stuff Lee has mentioned. I had no choice but to file for divorce, today was my bday and he brought flowers. I wanted to punt that crap across the room, he is not aware of half the stuff I know. He asks me everyday am I coming back blah blah blah, meanwhile his new supply he wants to be with outside of the U.S. (he has someone here as well, he is all over the place with his cold sores on his lip and all) is currently trying to get her visa to cross over the boarder. We are not divorced as of yet but I am good with ridding myself of this problem and I will say good luck with and I wish them the best.I have clarity...

[@Evaestella26]

This makes so much sense to why my narcissist did everything to get me back, but then flipped once we did.

[@nikkiharris9363]

That is what my ex is doing now loving bombing his new victim and discarding me. I have never been so broken and destroyed but I am choosing me. Thank you so much for all these videos.

[@Anne-go9ol]

Totally right about holding grudges. It actually protects you from being hurt over and over and over again. Being forgiving and understanding didn't work out well at all

[@rbarlow72]

Ugh, I think ill be on my own before I ever deal with another one again.

[@catalina1518]

He did a reverse discard my life was hell

[@ryulmen]

Thank you for the post. Mine broke up with me a month and half ago and and was married within this last month. I'm beyond devastated bc it was out of nowhere.

[@thatmetalchiick]

He shows ZERO emotion. its crazy. we were together for 6 years.

[@vonquettethomas9869]

He can't,They are literally empty!!

[@MissPamelaWainio]

The JOY of being free; DO IT - believe me, they have a rew in the wings already, because they have to keep moving on

[@MentalHealness]

💯

[@meadlu6681]

Mine did the reverse discard...when I found the lying and cheating on his phone he told me to get out before he started bringing women home.... The confusing part is he won't file...he doesn't want me now...but won't divorce me

[@meadlu6681]

I moved out 2 months ago

[@MentalHealness]

Ownership

[@empressb444]

Then you file

[@KarenOvalasiti]

You show people step by step how to gauge themselves and help themselves

[@joyful5735]

All of these things! Everything you explained happened and then reversed all of the accusations of everything they did on me. It made no sense. Such confusion and chaos.

[@MentalHealness]

😩

[@knowledgenerd2hinkle275]

The scariest words heard, just woke me from my sleep..."let's be friends"...my ex narc asked, "Am I ready to be friends yet?" just stated 5/4/23 after my daughter's performance...Me: Not ever would i want to be for ALLL the reasons Lee mentioned. He's no longer "friend" or friendship worthy, he was barely husband worthy So Kick rock... cuz, I'm good😂

[@Angieyez]

I told one he had to go, and he had the new/ex pick him up within 15 minutes. I told her good luck.

[@vonquettethomas9869]

We we're not in a committed relationship,8 yrs.,I found out he got married in April 2023 & still tried to stay in routine with me,I cut him off, told his wife,He threatened to send dhr to my home,(he did )called my landlord,The wife cyber bullied myself & my Autistic son based off of his lies,At this very moment,Im tryna figure out y I have a court date for a hearing with him.. . at family court..... Im so tired of this dude,We have 0 interaction & Im still having to deal with him... This is extreme!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬

[@foxerrr7864]

I was discarded by a guy I was seriously dating for 4 years, after dinner in the car on the way home like he was cancelling a work meeting. He left all of my things in trash bags on his porch the next day, and I never saw him again. He just got married to some poor woman this last year. God help her.

[@MentalHealness]

‼️🙌🏾🙌🏾

[@Brittany12579]

He literally asked me to be “friends” right after breaking up with me! 😂

[@garciayrivera]

Omg all these things are what my ex is doing to me now. He won’t go away. Not even threatening to put a restraining order on him will get him to leave me alone. He’s telling everyone I cheated on him and left him for someone else. Which isn’t true. He’d force me to be on the phone with him 12-14hrs a day when he was off work. Then he’d cheat on me while I would sleep at night.

[@MentalHealness]

wow. i wouldn't threaten it, i would just do it. then have it enforced and lock him up

[@louisedatrice3927]

Force you.

[@empressb444]

Get a protection order against him and don't tell him anything. Just do it

[@Chanel05-w1p]

It’s not a grudge. It’s wising up. U can forgive but dont have to keep toxic in your life. Setting Boundaries.

[@MentalHealness]

😵‍💫

[@Neida225]

Thank you lee you are helping people realize who they are with some people are nasty trolls

[@SPEAKOUTMEDIAGROUP]

My Ex I’ll refer to as Voldemort, literally told me a month into our relationship that if we didn’t work out he would simply move on. I truly did not listen. Two years later. He did just that. Had a new supply from the very beginning. Female “friends “

[@MentalHealness]

😩

[@denisewimberly5249]

I agree I left mine he gave me a quick divorce and then discarded me and now I am sure he is portraying me as a crazy ex with his new supply.

[@annasmith5130]

After a while forgiveness becomes permission… Take from me.

[@mandylion8422]

"Let's be Amicable" the way you said that took me out. 😂😂😂

[@nesiaalbert]

His illustrations are hilarious ... Yet completely helps me understand the point 🙃🎯😂

[@nayaravillegas2132]

What a human being they are.. I feel sorry for them. Their karma is just being who they are for the rest of their lives

[@faithquillings]

Thank you for your videos. You have no idea how much you're helping my life. Thank you.

[@rxy1486]

Why are they so insane. You guys have no idea what my ex has put me through for leaving him when he wasn’t expecting it😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@rxy1486]

Obsessive is an understatement

[@iramsavir5631]

He feels like nothing has happened and seems to be living a happy life with his new supply who is apparently running the show. No guilt or remorse. Doesn't even miss our children. He discarded the whole family (me and the kids) and is now referring to his new supply as "his family."

[@queenyaking2671]

On point for real ….literally just happened to me 😂. He popping up my my job, calling and all types of shit and was clapping another girls cheeks. 😂

[@torchisahall6915]

FORGIVENESS MEANS YOU BEING FREE. NOT HOW OTHERS VIEW IT. IDGAF IT IS WHAT IT IS. 👋🏽

[@shereent3121]

Like, "Go be all you can be" at the end. Only communication left is payback communication.