How Do We Stop Childhood Adversity from Becoming a Life Sentence. | Benjamin Perks | TEDxPodgorica

[@bestudante]

Given the childhood I had and the outcome so far I must be some kind of hero. But the scars are here I give you that.

[@viviancamper851]

People say that I am a hero and that I should tell people my story, but as​ you said, those scars dig so deep. It's hard to get over it.

[@lisastephens864]

You are😃. . I hope I can be

[@worldofwordswales]

With you, I really am...

[@universe4623]

you are indeed a hero! hugsss

[@atypicalbeautyguru4129]

I’m a 9. I’m not sure any of my caregivers or DNA donators ever went to prison (though deserved) robbing me of my perfect 10. I’m still alive at almost 40, in spite of myself. My children are safe and loved and have their father and I together and fighting to provide them better than we had. That’s my singular pride. It’s too late for me.

[@grandmastermario3695]

Same here but I do know a little bit about my caregivers record all 4 of them had a criminal record 2 of them went to jail or prison my mom only went for a day but it still counts my stepdad went 3 times for few months each before she broke up with him and then after words he went to jail atleast 2 more times afterwardsall 4 of my caregivers were abusive to me and to eachother it was the same at school got bullied witnessed other people bullied teacher didn't care really did a number on my mental and physical health and well being miracle that I'm even starting to recover from it al

[@viviancamper851]

I scored an 8. I can truly say that it has been one of the hardest journeys of my life - if you are struggling too, you can get through this. As he said in the video, we need to have teachers who can help our students and have programs that help students in this situation. I am studying education and I hope to be that safety for a child who has a high ACE, just like me.

[@catward3810]

Beautifully spoken. Another key aspect not mentioned that children with adverse experiences need stable foster placements should they end up in non-kin placements. Multiple placements are an added trauma to children in care and in order to address this we need a system that better supports, equips and motivates foster parents. They are a vital part of the team that can have huge therapeutic influence when done well in a child's life. Foster parents need a huge amount of support, resources and skills in order to parent and care for these children which is often not there in some systems.

[@christierenteriasondgeroth2627]

I am so thankful to be part of a organization and a panel of people who want to change the system and informed others in early learning.

[@dawnanderson611]

I scored a 10 and my children and I have wonderful lives now. they are good men raised by a good mother. i literally said...how would my mom deal with this and did the opposite. it would be funny if it wasnt so sad.

[@sirblankenship]

You hero man, keep doing the right thing!

[@stephaniesmith6643]

God bless you!❤️

[@AmyStruloeff]

Thank you for your sharing, the articulation of the realities of these environments many of us have grown up in. Much love and respect.

[@bluewaters3100]

I had a high ACE score. My husband never abused his 2 children but was a lousy parent as he was always leaving for weeks at a time to attend very expensive spiritual retreats, was never around for special occasions, and it confused my children immensely. His father was an abusive alcoholic. What I have noticed is that we tend to attract damaged partners when we do marry. Our wounds no matter how we try to prevent them from affecting our kids tend to do so anyhow. I ended up becoming ill with 2 small kids to raise pretty much by myself. They were never hit, but they also never saw love between their parents. Much of the damage can be done on a very subliminal level. My son was devastated at an early age because he compared his father's involvement and lack of being present with other children in our very nice neighborhood. No matter what I did his early programming made him feel like he did not belong and as he approached teenage years would only find friends with parents who had problems. It was exhausting for me as I was dealing with many stressors myself. What I found was that nobody in our community was available to me to do any counseling with him. There were no counselors unless you were involved in the "probation" or court system. And to make it worse I had medicaid eventually for my health insurance which totally limited any help. I was willing to pay out of pocket, but there just were no professionals available for teenagers. His dad never really got involved with him on an emotional level. He always paid the bills and thought this was enough. Emotional damage gets passed on to our children. We owe it to them to heal ourselves before we even conceive, but sometimes you do not realize the extent of your own damage and you end up not really healing yourself first. I repressed so much of my life after my parent's divorce because it was an ongoing stressor then day after day for many years. Life is a spiritual journey, we experience, feel, and move on hopefully with the help and love of connection to a more present, conscious,loving, and abundance life. My daughter is now a teacher of 1st and 2nd graders. She married a man 7 years older than her and he has many of her father's characteristics. She also has a 2 year old daughter. He would never hit either one of them. But I know he has PTSD from his years in the army as a medic. He does not believe PTSD is real. He loves his family, but can blow up and I worry about my granddaughter taking in this kind of emotional content. My daughter is staying home with her this year. I just hope she continues to be strong enough to deal with his need to control things. The slightest thing can provoke an emotional outburst. I wish he would get help, but nobody listens to me and I can only say so much. So life goes on....

[@justme7585]

Debbie J. - Thank you, Debbie. Well thought out and presented. Sad situation.

[@martinasofranac6174]

I was really touched by the speech. Unicef is doing some great work in Montenegro!

[@annacha8940]

Wow this is so important. I went through a similar family situation and wished somebody would have helped my brother and me....

[@nimanixo]

This has changed my life.

[@michaelfranztv]

Mr. Perks, in this tedx you only talk about prevention. The question is, what do you do as an adult to overcome a high ACE score? What solutions do you propose?

[@arben126]

Thanks for the question Michael, I am wholly unequipped to answer it as I was talking about childhood adversity from the lens of a UN human rights advocate working on reform of education, child protection, health and justice systems for children. Not someone who works with individuals on recovery. However there are a lot of resources available on how adults recover from childhood adversity-through therapy, mindfulness or even positive psychology as just some examples. Public debate and openness to the problem would enable adults to better recognise that high Aces may be a cause of poor outcomes in their lives and to seek help in building a strategy that is good for them. Here are a couple of great Ted talks by academic's working on vulnerability and building happiness-these are just a couple of my favourites. In both cases they have also produced highly acclaimed books which are easily available: 1) www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en#t-18251 2)www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_on_the_state_of_psychology

[@michaelfranztv]

Benjamin Perks thanks for your replay and the links. I agree the importance of making people aware of the Problem of High Aces. Just yesterday I red that the "tierschutzbund" - the major german lobby to proctect animals - has five time more members than the "kinderschutzbund" - the major german lobby to protect children.

[@CDVorg]

Michael Franz Joining the conversation a bit late, but just saw your comment. CDV offers different resources for children and adults who grew up with adversity in their childhood homes. One of which is the UNICEF endorsed "Change A Life" program cdv.org/change-a-life/ and the other is the NY Times Bestseller, Invincible cdv.org/invincible-the-book/ Hope you find those helpful.

[@natyspaghettighetti6726]

i love that brenee brown talk, ill look into the other one you posted, thanks for the reference!

[@omarelrafhi9595]

what is working for me is basically therapie, following my purpose in life as much as i can and doing things i love(passions) which helps me push through days and feel good at certain time..

[@Antpeople1]

Brilliant video- and I am a victim of childhood Adversity- I may get to write a book about it all and the systemic abuse on top.

[@gyneve]

Jeez. I pretty much tick every box here. This is the second time today that I've seen my life reflected in a study about childhood trauma. Now I'm not even forty years old, and I can feel the weight of being either constantly vigilant or completely disassociated and exhausted.

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

Don't forget that government can harm children too. far worse than just their parents can, actually.

[@Chimonger1]

Indeed! Worse, there's been some group[s] kind of trying to promote gov't taking children at birth, from parent[s], and keeping therm in daycare or 24/7 institutions, to prevent abuse....Yet again. But, EVERY MODEL of that tried, to date, has FAILED miserably, largely because those venues are still formulated, and run, by abused and abusive people, too.....it's State-sized 'bandaids' trying to staunch blood from wounds that cannot heal that way. None can get peace by waging wars...no matter on what. None can get real change for the better, if the "solutions" are still made of the same stuff as the problems.

[@grandmastermario3695]

The system did nothing about it and that's why I hate all politics and the system as well because they do nothing they don't seem to care at all just want to earn their money

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

@@grandmastermario3695 It's all about incentives.. just like large child support settlements, so the state (i.e. California) can keep more of the child support funding they receive from the federal government. Human nature is perverse.

[@WhiteWolfBlackStar]

I am forever I mean FOR EVER grateful to the boarding school I was sent to. I was safe there. I wish more kids could have went to such a place. I'm sad it's been closed. The people who ran it were from Switzerland, and they were wonderful. We had the best of everything. Most of the people I know that went there wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for our school. THAT was the few years ( vacation ) I needed from a very violent step mother.

[@WhiteWolfBlackStar]

+carmen sierra If YOU were, I'm sorry. yeah, I do know what you mean - I have often thought about what would have happened to me, if the step MOTHER would have been the step FATHER. There is no doubt in my mind something of that nature would have been the case. As it was, I wound up being homeless before I was a teenager, so that sort of thing came later. THEN I found my haven in boarding school. I definitely could have done without the bits on the middle of the story though. I had to get out before she did permanent damage though. Abusers get exposed when the kids get to Jr High and have to change for GYM - THAT is when the doo doo REALLY hits the fan. ALL THE MARKS SHOW UP - many are experts at hiding bruises under clothing ( if they work with children they know how to do it ) She kept showing up at my school doing all sorts of violent crazy stuff - and it happened in front of my principal one time after he had received numerous calls from frightened parents, who's kids had seen Stepmonster in action. SO he and my teachers KNEW something was going on, my principal just hadn't seen it yet. When it happened IN FRONT OF HIM - He acted IMMEDIATELY. Got me to safety with my girl scout leader for a few weeks - not a permanent solution, but HE AT LEAST ACTED when nobody else would. My Spanish teacher also came an got me when I was sleeping in an old condemmed abandoned house, I'm pretty sure I wasn't alone there either. I remember THAT like it happened 5 minutes ago - it was pretty freaky. When things became clear, there WAS a handful of people WHO ACTED. And that's what's really important, cuz MANY PEOPLE KNEW, nobody DID anything. If somebody KNOWS, THEY NEED TO ACT. THEY NEED TO DO SOMETHING. These are people, the ones who ACTED, I will forever be grateful to, and I will never forget their kindness. As well as a few of the families that took me in. There were a few bad incidents - obviously - no youngster is safe in the jungle. But the main thing I NEEDED TO GET OUT OF MY OWN HOME which should have been MY SAFETY ZONE, people I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TRUST. People don't like to hear that NOT EVERYBODY SHOULD BE A PARENT, and NOT EVERY SUBSTITUTE STEP PARENT WILL BE A GREAT FIT. I've seen both sassy, ungrateful kids terrorizing a perfectly awesome step parent, and I've lived thru horrifically violent steps. As far as pedos - apparently we are now supposed to accept them. According to MSM ( Salon hails one of them as a heroic guy for having the guts to start his own youtube channels on his adventures! ) Oh yeah! It took me days to get over wanting to KILL THE GUY. Being aware that we are SURROUNDED by people like that makes me crazy. They are in trusted positions - all walks of life. And sadly running many countries! Many kids deal with the abuse BECAUSE their parent (s) ARE THERE - there's the other thing. Case after case. I don't know how some of the social services people can even keep their minds thru this sick jungle. I know we DID have some sexual survivors at boarding school, not many. I tried to think if I DID know anybody like that. My dad was pretty well respected, he was definitely a decent guy, I can't think of any neighbors, teachers. Actually, except for the one nutball, I had pretty decent people in my world as far as I can tell. A few of the kids at school were going thru some bad stuff, we knew who each other was, maybe not the whole story, but it takes one to spot one I guess. The other thing I used to think about quite a bit though - my step mother's STUDENTS! I worried about them. I'm sure she singled a few of them out EVERY YEAR. I can't even imagine what the parents of the kids would have done if they KNEW WHO SHE WAS. OMG. I used to worry she was REALLY going to hurt somebody someday. I'll never know, but I hope anybody she injured, got thru it ok eventually. Anyhooo Carmen, if you ever want to chat - just hit me up, I check in from time to time here. I hope you're OK, Holidays can be hard. Easter is coming this weekend, I hope you find the best chocolate bunny or chocolate eggs or gift on The Hunt ever :)

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@yourkarma2250]

My ace score was 10 all this is true intervention is needed

[@sukhmanicambridge]

Abuse is also institutionalised, so when you put the whole thing in the hands of the system you tie your hands.

[@daoistheway3666]

Thank you, Benjamin Perks. I really appreciate your speech

[@IshanSanyal]

He didn't say anything about how adults who have been victims of ACE should deal with it

[@arben126]

Dear Ishan, It is about the way government's should strategically invest more money in child protection. There are other TedX talks on how adults can recover from ACEs

[@sobrevida157]

could you share a link or two?? thanks!

[@dawnanderson611]

a good trauma therapist

[@Lena-ld1qc]

My thoughts exactly!

[@sarahburkhardt2037]

These are very real questions. I was looking into research on children in foster care and the process of becoming independent is not easy. These children continue to need support in that process. I personally lived in a transition home for "independent" youth, which often meant girls who had once been in the system.

[@fathersalt1382]

I got some Internet friends that are getting abused at home and I don't know how to get help for them

[@DEVE4ART]

"Sometimes just living is an act of bravery." - Seneca

[@sharonsciandra816]

Absolutely...

[@PeachesCourage]

Please read at local libraries "The Body Never Lies" by Alice Miller who researched child abuse cases for over 30 years. She was later invited for her findings to the new MRI studies involving infant abuse cases and it's affects on the brain.

[@Gratitudejoy21]

THANK YOU SO FOR your work!!! Eva, Belgium

[@trietphan3196]

Although the proposals of intervention from social workers and other government agents and agencies seem to be a solution, how do you know that such measures do not become tyrannical and abridgments of personal and civil liberties? I have taken the ACE test and scored in the upper range and could have been helped, however, I can see more governmental intrusiveness in an area that seems to need less governmental dictates. Does anyone see the dangers of abuse of discretion from those that would be empowered to perform their governmental duties under these proposals?

[@arben126]

+T Minh Thanks for the comment. I think that these child protection measures are important, but there has to be strong oversight, first class training and monitoring of all professionals concerned and an ethos across society of protecting the individual integrity, privacy and dignity of children and families.

[@Chimonger1]

Yes! Systems are badly flawed. There literally is little or no accountability or responsibility taken or expected of, social services/CPS, etc. Here-say of reports, charges levied at families of children taken into custody, systems failing to properly vet foster families, etc., need fixed.

[@RisenPhoenix68]

Indeed. Who will watch the watchmen?

[@JannesonMultiMediaEditor]

I have an ace score of 8 my husband a 10. We have risen above the odds. We do not abuse substances. My husband is a recovered alcoholic and I choose not to drink for his sake. I am not obese however my husband is but we're working on it. :) But this is evolutionary. We haven't had children yet but we want to but we want to find a good family counselor to find a good coping and treatment plan hopefully with holistic medication and not with chemical medication so we can create a healthy family environment so we can ensure that we will create a healthy parenting pattern. Unfortunately we now know we were have a child starting with an ace score of 1 already because of our trauma I have complex PTSD. But it's okay because we now know how to be preventative!

[@Chimonger1]

If there was only one thing you could manage doing soonest, it might be to enroll and take Early Childhood Development class at local college nearest you, or find one online. Libraries often have "free" college classes online...as long as getting a credited grade for it is not needed, you can take all kinds of college classes through local public libraries, free. Some colleges offer same deal online. Also, psychology classes, especially about dysfunctional families. Those can help you understand how your lives got how things are, and, might help give some direction how to fix it. Your biggest deal, is that you: 1. recognize that things were bad, 2. want to do good things to be on better paths. That's huge! Because unless someone recognizes a problem, they cannot change it. Great idea to seek counseling; please be persistent in finding the right one. It's possible the first few tried, might not be right for you; or, one might do right now, but might need different one later. Please seek licensed, Non-religious counselors. When someone's messed up from abuse, the Cognitive Dissonance preached by Religions can seriously hinder progress. Not 'religion bashing' here, only, try to keep what's on your plate to deal with, as uncluttered as possible; it's hard enough to process this stuff, without the confusion of some of the religious directives that helped create this same mess! In my several decades of experience, counselors who focus on religious context as their counseling style, too often do more harm than good, Especially for those with more complicated and severe situations like yours. Those doing counseling in a religious context, often lack education, lack licensing....but their "hearts are in the right place". If religion is important for you, seek that, _in addition_...but find well-trained, licensed counselors to help you work through things properly. That can actually help one better understand whatever religion they want to be comfy with, or none, if that's their choice.

[@carmensierra3935]

Winter Star AMAZING RESPONSE GREAT ADVICE I HOPE SHE LISTENS AND ALL NEW PARENTS SHOULD TAKE THOSE. I HAPPEN TO GET PREGNANT AND HAVE MY SON DURING MY TIME IN SCHOOL FINISHING UP MY PSYCHOLOGY BD. LEARNING THINGS BEFORE HAND MADE ME SO GRATEFUL AS INFORMATION U NEED IS SPREAD OUT OVER WIDE FIELDS OF STUDY NOT JUST IN BABY BOOKS

[@KarmasAbutch]

Frankly even considering kids with a double ace score like that is selfish and not at all about the child. Have we learnt nothing about stopping the cycle? Or epigenetics?

[@nancylpr]

Wait, how could a child like Maya even see optimism as a possibility? She has no control over anything in her little life.

[@arben126]

Even in the midst of adversity, poverty and violence, some children have tremendous resilience. Its a minority-but they do push through and refuse to let their past determine their future

[@marlenebodner6120]

My father cursed ,kicked and punched, sexually abused me what happens to the adult. The consequences are horrendous protect your children grandchildren anyone you see that needs protection. NO CHILD DESERVES THIS NOR DIDTHEY GIVE APPROVAL.

[@contrafax]

Extended family? My extended family raised the monsters that abused me. yeah

[@ebr3ys]

I would like to see how good childhood experiences affect health

[@lilyl.8874]

Thanks a lot

[@design2262]

would be good to have first class support when raising kids.

[@infinityvesselcrystal]

I was adopted at age 7 and i thought my life would get better but because they dont acknowledge narcissistic abuse i ended up being more traumatized by my adopted parents and ened up with c ptsd and raising 3 boys alone after my ex went to prison for abuse.. the same exact childhood i witnessed and my adopted parents didnt even protect me from. They are jusy profiting off of trauma in this country thats why they never actually help us

[@contrafax]

I just took a quiz, it said my ACE score is 8. My parents didn't go to prison, should have, and drinking and drugging weren't the problems but every other thing yes. No wonder I am such a loser. Help doesn't even help. I am just so fucking tired of jumping through all these hoops just to feel "normal""

[@mishablinov6567]

ACE childhood is a dilemma for which there will never ever be a solution. In fact, it is likely that ACE scores will increase in the coming decades in The West.

[@LivingDead53]

We build our prisons. I'm trying to bust out of mine. One of my relatives was a hooker and got HIV. She grew up in absolute poverty. She's perfectly normal. She is a caring, loving mother and treats people with respect. I hate to overuse the phrase, but I'm slithering back to my master.

[@justme7585]

Very easy to say what we Need To Do.. but what is actually being done about it? How can you translate that to a society in general that thinks if you are stuck in ANY way, it is your own fault, you're just weak, etc. They would rather blame the victim or deny there even IS a problem than deal with it, because maybe they're part of the problem.. 'Not my problem' or 'Get over it.'

[@Chimonger1]

Here's a thought: There have been over many decades, numerous studies that include which is more often the abuser, male or female. Perhaps we need to look at why those results have changed, since decades ago, it seemed fairly fixated on males most often being the abusers, and women being the targets. MAYbe it's how the research is set up, or what qurstions are asked, or how the questions are formulated, or what criteria are lookewd at, that differ per study. MAYbe, it goes in cycles over time: one period of time it's mostly males committing it, then followed by women mostly doing it. Thing is, hurt people hurt people. Abusive behaviors don't erupt out of nowhere; those come because the Early Childhood Development [ECD] went badly, and then as parents, the already broken person, regifts 'the gift that keeps on giving', to their spouse or kids. The affected person might set out extremely determined to avoid repeating the level of abuse they got themselves; might go to some lengths to avoid repeating it, such as going 'no-contact' with the parent who hurt them, and preventing that parent being in their child's life...but in the end, that parent will commit some of the same bahaviors on their kid, because it's deeply embedded in them and they cannot help it...they will abuse too. Worse, children in those circumstances lack experience or knowledge that could show them that the abuse at home is not normal....so until the kid starts school [as-if that helps], they have little or nothing to help them see it is not normal. Imho, we need better studies. Also, the results of the studies seem odd, at the very least, when he claims lives get shortened by about 20 years.....THAT just seems patently false. There are too many [always have been, at least in the 50 years experience I've had], that nursing homes have a ridiculous number per population of elders in their 80's, 90's, who are there for longer periods before they die, who lack visitors....because they abuse/alienated their children. Those adult children will leave their elders in facilities not only because they must work for a livinbg [the socially acceptable reason], but because this is a 'payback' for all the abuse suffered at their elder's hands or mouths, they cannot face visiting them. IF we used the 'die 20 years younger' result his research seemed to show [[based on what...a computer extrapolation??]], then if those were living their full lifespan, they'd be living into their 90's or well-into their 100's !? Beware settling for researches done in approx. the last 30 years or so. Computer models are only as good as the data fed into the data base; "GIGO" absolutely can taint results....and none would know unless they were in on the research, or really dug deep into retro-examining HOW it was set-uo, conducted, and evaluated....and, WHO FUNDED IT. We're definitely onto something that needs remediated; ECD is most critically important, because that first 2-3 years is when the Foundations of the child's entire life are imprinted/programmed in. The wonkier that's done, the more dysfunctional the life built upon it will be. However, we need to be looking at bigger pictures, longer time periods, ask far better, and more, questions, design the studies better, and, stop relying on the GIGO'd computer models so heavily those darn things get the famous ball player's huge house sliding down the hill in S.San Francisco, for instance]. We also must figure better ways of funding research, because for over 60 years, it's been increasingly manipulated by industries paying to skew or totally hide results people should have heard about [how Johnson & Johnson hid the cancer danger of talcum powder; how the oleo industries hid dangers of hydrogenated /trans fats; how Brachy Therapy (radiation implant beads) fail to improve life length or quality of life, or how flimsy or ineffective nicotine gums or patches are etc.]. . Unfortunately, industries fund research for products they want to sell, and too many of those have repeatedly shown, for over half-century, that they will stop at nothing to push products to market, no matter the consequences. As a result, we live in a world where the entire population has been reduced to being uninformed, or falsely informed, lab rats, without ever getting proper information, nor even asked if they want to participate/be exposed to, much of the tens of thousands of very stable manmade compounds now on the market. We've definitely got problems; we need fuller ways to evaluate what, etc., those are, before trying to figure out solutions. For all anyone knows, studies supporting this presentation, could be quietly working to build a case for institutionalizing all children, taking the babies away from parents, to break the cycles of abuse....that's been being forcefully promoted by some....who are obviously ignorant of what happened to kis done that way in Russia and Germany, in the 1900's; it failed. Those found that not only was that huge cost to State, but institutions fail to provide nurturing....they found, if they dug into it, family units, even broken ones, do something better than institutions, at raising babies [except in worst cases]. Our systems for Child Protective Services are very flawed. We lack anything remotely like adequate, decent foster homes [many are just as abusive as where the kids came from] CPS workers in too many [if not all?] counties, lack ANY accountability, nor take responsibility for their actions. The ways those operate are unrealistic, skewed, and add to problems....yet billions is funded to those, annually. We need better ways; first, we need better data....I'm not sure that this constitutes any of that. Andf [colloquially speaking], in the name of all that's holy, stop calling everything a "war on __________"!!! That alone, can cause more harm than good; it's a conflict-based mindset. There's no way to get peace, real peace, by constantly waging war. Waging 'war', even figuratively stated, against all things we dislike, begets more struggle, because that model fails to allow even considering peace, or peaceful solutions which never occur to minds fixated on conflict models. Abuse is conflict, stuck in a box, or on that cliff, passed from generation to generation [losing some as the cliff crumbles...] Conflict models have brought us to this cliff; conflict models/thinking can't help get us out of it or off it.. Neither will GIGO'd computer models funded by industries promoting bad products, or politicians promoting bad ideas or legislation.

[@ooulalah4333]

But what do the children who grew up do about it now

[@stephaniejade7056]

These titles are always so misleading. This isn't how, but why.

[@joceleone]

where can I find that graphic of the classroom with ACE scores?

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

i dont know about that.

[@brookemontgomery436]

Sadly, there is this theory called ACE going around my school district. Social workers are telling loving parents whose children are showing signs of mental illnesses that it is somehow their fault. I pray that this attack on parents stops. We don't have funding for behavioral health, where I live. Children have been neglected of receiving any services at all. As a result, many unhealthy behaviors have escalated. Due to this, social workers are using this ACE to attack parents, to destroy happy homes. It is the most devastating thing that I have seen. CYFD is coming after loving parents who have tried to do everything for their children. Parents are now refusing to reach out for help in fear of retaliation. So now not only is there no funding for mental health services, but good families are being ripped apart by the system, all systems.

[@donnag.3611]

He didn't give any individuals w/ high ACE scores any direction or help. Forget the system!

[@arben126]

The point of the talk was to explain how the world needs to take urgent action to to address the problem systematically. I am a human rights diplomat. I am not qualified to counsel individuals. However, there are other TedXs that may address that. I wish you all the best of luck

[@donnag.3611]

Thank you, I understand.

[@grandmastermario3695]

I had a pretty hectic childhood I scored a 10 out of 10 on the test it was pretty bad all 4 of my caregivers mom dad both my stepdads were all abusive all 4 of them had criminal records 2 of them went to jail or prison both my parents had a mental health problem when I grew up I didn't only have it bad at home but school to yah it was a rough upbringing I am in therapy recovering from it all

[@Elivasfq]

Don't know how about you but I am against a totalitarians state.

[@nimanixo]

I think instead we should teach children what is right from wrong in schools or SOMETHING, this is so important.

[@ChadDaybellTrial]

So true. Except that would mean building less bombs.

[@LeifCid]

Is the the intro video of Maya available for use in presentations. What production company made the Maya video and can we have access to use it for our own presentations? Thanks

[@arben126]

Yes you can Leif, It is produced as a foster promotion video by this fantastic group called ReMoved. You need to purchase a license from them and the contact details are here : www.removedfilm.com

[@Marilinaa]

+Benjamin Perks Your talk really moved me as did the video. I have an ACE score of 7. I have lived my life successfully and healthily, but now in my 40's am experiencing health problems related to my childhood stress. Please keep up your excellent and important work.

[@arben126]

+Marilinaa Thanks so much and wishing you recovery and happiness

[@Marilinaa]

+Benjamin Perks Thank you so much. I appreciate the personal reply.

[@anthonyvoskuhl9200]

maybe teach reason, logic, negotiation, volontaryism? maybe don't turn to the biggest most violent most destructive most amoral organizations on the planet to solve every conceivable problem with force?

[@publiuscorneliusscipioafri2646]

😳

[@anthonyvoskuhl9200]

I hate how these things always frame the men as the abusers. all the data suggests that women are far more likely to abuse children than men are and that women are much more likely to initiate force against their partners than men are. this stereotypical drunken abusive father is a characature and a joke for a majority of the people I've met with abusive parents. the mother, in every example I've personally come across, is the worse offender of the two parents and when it's not her directly then it's the step father or boyfriend she's brought into the house. this was a heartbreaking Clip he's playing but we already have a hugely disproportionate amount of negativity aimed at men already. the truth is that 80% of children are hit by their mothers by the age of one year old and only 27% of men will ever hit their biological child even once including spanking. women are also far more likely to be verbal, emotional, psychological abusers to both their partners and their children. being raised by a single mother is the absolute worst situation a child can be in and is the greatest indicator for criminality, promiscuity, addiction, early mortality, and all sorts of other dysfunction in the child's life. please stop framing women as victims. if you actually care about children then you have to have the same set of standards for women as we do for men. women are responsible for their actions and must be held accountable just like men.

[@eyeswideshut7354]

That's an interesting point of view.

[@GracieMaeBaker]

+Anthony Voskuhl Can you please reference the statistics that you are referring to? I am not familiar with a study that reveals data showing that women are more violent child abusers than men. Thanks.

[@anthonyvoskuhl9200]

+Lisa Baker there was a study done in Britain and then later repeated in the US where they sent monitors home with new mothers. these studies found that 80% of children are physically struck, hit, smacked, etc by their mothers by the time the child reaches only 1 year old. another study aimed to determine the frequency of child abuse in relation to the parents self reporting by using a similar system of monitors. this study asked parents about how they physically punished their children and how frequently they did so. anything from spanking to full on beating was asked about and self reported. this study found that mothers drastically under reported the frequency of which they hit their children as well as the severity and that the men over reported their use of physical punishment. I believe it was in this study that they found that only 27% of fathers will ever hit their child in any way over the course of their kids entire childhood. I don't carry the sources around in my head, certainly if you had any genuine interest you would have done a quick Google search or even gone a step further and used Google scholar. if you want it spoon fed to you then a good place to start would be " the bomb in the brain" series by Stephan Molyneux or you could look at some of his work on peaceful parenting, spanking, the truth about violent crime, or his interviews with Dr Matte about his work on child abuse and addiction.

[@eyeswideshut7354]

Anthony Voskuhl Way to show those naysayers! You actually provided much more info that expected. Let them carry out their due diligence if they have an interest, like you said.

[@GracieMaeBaker]

+Anthony Voskuhl Thank you very much for replying Anthony. This is something that I did not know before I jumped on this board. I actually did some research and found that you are indeed correct. It seems that deaths that occur at the hands of the mother alone outnumber those from the father 2 to 1. And child abuse at the hands of the mother is so much statistically higher, (75%) that it is pretty frightening. This is very interesting to me. From a clinical standpoint, I am wondering if this occurs because the mother is typically the primary caregiver and/or left alone more often with children. Honestly, I just did a brief search and did not look into any explanations given. I wonder why the perception is that more men abuse than women. The first thought that comes to mind is that we typically associate child abuse with spousal abuse and physical violence in marriage is higher in men towards women than women toward men (although that is not to say that women don't commit violent acts against men). Thanks again for bringing this information forward.

[@jakalamanewtown6814]

You will find that the ONLY way for your fantasies to be realised. is to understand as I have the similarity of Mia to 'Schizophrenia"- just add genetic sensitivity. Gabor Mate, and Max Storm have realistic work on PTSD- I am a survivor of Psychiatry - and you folks out there have no clue- get a real life.

[@harryfischer6741]

Can you be more inclusive! Boys suffer the very same thing. Stop with this delineation.

[@arben126]

I keep getting the comments about gender. I gave the example of a girl to open. But her brother is featured and he also has the same ACE score. In the classroom example I give, the person with the highest ACE score is a boy. I don't see one gender as being solely a perpetrator or victim of childhood adversity

[@withyoctopus]

Benjamin Perks There are online groups of angry men who comment under every video about our by women and spread hate. You haven't been on the internet a lot, it seems. Good for you.

[@chickennugget6233]

Hmm... talking about women and our experiences. How does that take away from yours? No one said you didn't have space.

[@anthonyvoskuhl9200]

his solutions have all been done and are ineffective. he's recommending more bandaids for a knife wound we can avoid altogether. the initiation of force is always in every situation immoral and has negative consequences. any person or organization that initiates violence should not be supported and should be ostracized by society. parents that abuse their children should find themselves friendless and sure as hell should not be slept with. people who do abuse their kids need to pay much higher insurance rates until they get the therapy they need to fix the situation or they can give up their kids to someone with intelligence. it's too easy, stop having sex with shitty abusive people!

[@Chimonger1]

First you say that the suggested solutions don't work; I agree that how things have been done, is more band-aids on wounds that could be avoided, and that violence or force is immoral. Well-put! But then, slide into saying how abuse offenders should be treated punitively.......how is that ethically OK, when abuse to others is not ok? In saying that, it actually results in abused people being further abused, hoping it will solve the problem! But it really does describe how an abused child might think, in wanting the offenders who hurt them, to be hurt also. HOW can society countenance retribution, retaliation, war, etc. as punishment, when that inflicts _More_ damage on already damaged persons? Isn't that aiding and abetting that behavior? Seems to me rather like when racism goes 'under the table', but it's still being done; or women's rights/equality is still a problem, but it's harder to see now. Or like how we handle 'trash'....people throw it "away"....but there is no "away". "Beating someone into submission", however it's done, is old-model and continues the problem.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

@Gregg Venuti MUCH more is required than simply being clean. The most important factor is the mental health of the child.

[@LivingDead53]

My biggest problem is there was no way out. I told myself it would get better later. My whole life blew up, and I gave up. I really didn't have the right worldview. I couldn't handle all the downs because I thought I was destined to fail. But really, I should have realized that she had a disease a long time ago. Just like my siblings loved me growing up. I took care of them, and they help me out now. They don't call me filthy or dirty. They just cleaned my apartment and got me some things to organize. I get overwhelmed with cleaning or doing anything at times. I think more character building is needed in schools.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@narcissistwhisperer]

I do hope these support systems can be implemented. There are so many unfit parents & children placed in these positions & then blamed for their poor outcomes.

[@montesa9136]

Come On! How in the world can we realistically implement such a system? I know the video means well, but lets try & keep it Real!

[@justme7585]

Dave Moore - Agree. The world we live in today is too self-centered by the people who COULD help, but won't.

[@MsUtuber2]

Trauma is a bad word for many mental health workers.

[@heartworkbykitty7933]

This is a sad reality, and to add to it, “tricky” family’s that don’t score high on the ACE can sometimes have just as painful and lasting an impact for the child as someone who scored high on the ACE I wish he had provided some concrete info directly relating to the title but I see that his intention was awareness more than anything and that’s where it starts I appreciate this talk

[@fundacjaXXII]

What is needed is a movement whose goal will be to change cultural patterns to ones that will lead to the maximum use of human potential and mental development. I would like to invite you to join us in fulfilling Foundation XXII’s mission. Our mission is creating international social movement pursuing an aim of promoting Widespread Education of Future Parents. Widespread - because only widespread activities have real impact on society. Future - because performing a task in a right way requires having knowledge and skills before we start performing the task. It took me many years to find a solution that would balance adults’ biological rights and development needs of individuals who are brought to this world. A solution that would not only save children from violence and negligence, but also focus on creating social, political, economic and cultural conditions that would give children maximum support to help them fulfil their inherent potential. Widespread Education of Future Parents is not only an idea of passing on comprehensive knowledge about what and how shapes psychophysical construction of a human to parents. Our goal is also to make the elites realize how important it is to provide parents with conditions that would let them perform the most important task in their lives in the best possible way. How important it is to create new social patterns promoting conscious agency parenting. Humans are holistic beings that is why parents should have interdisciplinary knowledge about processes shaping psychophysical construction of a human being. Following professor Plop’s words: “…What we need is integration of anthropological, sociological, neurobiological, psychological, medical, physiological, political and religious attitudes…” Only if we have multidisciplinary knowledge, we are able to understand our own agency and then to give every child maximum support to help them fulfil their inherent potential. Foundation XXII’s mission is not easy. We have to find solutions balancing particular interests of different social groups.

[@MissLizaYangonMyanmar]

Looks like my childhood sanitised for public viewing. Much worse in reality. Incidentally also a balkans father from former Yugoslavia. Horrible horrible childhood and the damage is for life