How do you know when you're ready to have a baby?

I've been going back and forth on when to start trying for kids for years now. I know lots of people struggle with this decision, which makes sense, there really is no other choice in life that will shift your day to day so completely and for forever. It's daunting. I know I'll be thrilled when we do end up having a child (God willing), but at the moment I don't think I'm quite ready for the monumental change it would bring.
I've been struggling with that feeling though. Is it selfish? Is my thinking flawed? Am I just wrong??? Talking to my sister helped me feel more at ease, not necessarily with my decision to wait, but it definitely made me feel less anxious about life with a baby. This video feels very much like a journal entry to me. It's quite intimate lol.
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[@TeachSmartWithFay]

"I'm attached to my life, I'm attached to my time". I resonate with this so much.

[@merillamuses6852]

Relate so much to every syllable of this video. Thank you so much for opening up this conversation Sophie. I’m a doting aunt, adore kids, babies & children, midwife trainee, happily married for 3.5 years. My heart longs but the longer we wait, the more my mind roams and shows me what richness we have already. The more time I have to become afraid, but the more my heart aches again to become a mother. We are already a family. And yet….! I Had a long discussion about when the right time is with my cousin (a young mum of two) and mum over the holidays. I feel this is a slice of time that not many people talk about. When you are blessed to be in a deeply loving relationship, when you desire so much to become parents and raise a family with your spouse, but the fears and what ifs start to rear up? I think I’ve concluded that I almost don’t want to decide, I mean I do, but wouldn’t it be nice for it to happen exactly in its right-God-ordained time? A gift.

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Merilla! You've said it soooo beautifully. This is exactly how I feel too. I was thinking how much easier it would be if I just found out one day I was pregnant... I don't want to make the choice! It seems we are going through *exactly* the same thing. It's comforting to know that there are others :)

[@Lachicadelcable24]

You should have more subscribers. Your content is so relatable. I am 28 and no kids. I watched Shameless Maya and she had her baby at 39. Age is just a number.

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Omg! Thank you! That means sooo much to me, seriously. I just found shameless Maya last week!!! Yes. Totally, she’s proof :)

[@pamelart8507]

I had mine at 20. I struggled a lot with dilemmas in my mind and having to stay at home. You can feel lonely, and I felt like I wasted all my education somehow to become a stay-at-home mom. I don’t know, it was a weird shift. Everything changes, and i did go through some depression. You no longer have time for yourself. Even now that he’s 7 i still feel that way sometimes. He sleeps with us, and he comes in to the bathroom, etc. it’s never easy, and you are never ready. Have I regretted it? Yes. I think everyone has at some point. Life will never be the same. And things have been hard. I’m still studying, we have 0 money, etc but we manage. There is never a perfect time. The moments where we cuddle, to see him happy, or when he says ‘mama I love you’ are just the best. Nothing can compare. I do think the younger you are, the better because of the amount of energy it requires. Now that he is a little older I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel again 😅

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Thank you sooo much for sharing! It’s so good to hear people’s honest reflections. I am so grateful, thank you 🙏🏽💕 yeah, I think the idea of not being able to do creative work in the way I’m used to is one of the scariest things. Similar to what you said about not being able to use your education.

[@kibbytapmama]

You're never ready. This is so true. I have no regrets. Parts of motherhood are SO hard, one of the hardest jobs I've ever had but the best one. My aunt didn't have her kids/my cousin's until she was 38 & 41. Whereas I was 22 when I had my first (and then 27 with my 2nd). One of my great friends from high school has a toddler. I love the conversation with your sister!!!

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

There are so many valid paths!! This is a helpful reminder :) thanks for watching 🥰😍

[@yenlikgaisina8646]

I think 38 & 41 - is the best age to have babies! If only I could turn back time😂

[@judithdeleon31]

Thats because you have so much love to give and babies are pure! Also your sister is very wise!

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

You’re too sweet!!! 💕 love you

[@typezero705]

Wow, thank you so much for sharing this with the world! This is exactly how I feel, all the way to the detail of me being 27yrs old, and I’ve never heard it put into words. I’m grateful to have come across your video and believe it deserves more support. Thank you! ❤

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

You are so welcome!! Thank you for the kind words 🫶🏽

[@IDTKennels]

I relate to the way you’re feeling in so many ways! Not only is my husband named Dave 😂, but we have been married 5 years and are just now starting our journey of starting a family. Hearing your story and your honest thoughts has made me feel less alone. I have always wanted children, like you when I was 16 I always said I wanted to have 3 children, my first by the time I was 25. I’m 31 now, we started trying 2 years ago and have had no luck yet. Now that we are starting our fertility journey all these fears rose up in me and I couldn’t understand why. I contributed it to my tendency to over think things, but I think it’s okay to have a little fear in taking such a big step. Thank you again for sharing your story and thank you to your sister for also sharing her thoughts / story 😊.

[@mylemonage]

This is EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you lovely human for sharing this. I’m drawn and then I’m not. I feel less alone and happier for your video. Thank you ❤

[@leandraainlove]

I relate to this so much. Thanks for making this for all of us without big sisters to get advise from!!

[@siobhanoconnor376]

I think parenthood (at least for a few years) demands a consistent giving up of 'the insistent self,' and that can be painful. I do sometimes sit in a place of wondering what I would do with a couple more years of extra time to polish skills and to serve in different ways, but ultimately I am learning the most important things that I would like to learn in the course of my life, and I am doing so surrounded by so much daily joy and love. I have heard that true sacrifice means giving up pebbles for pearls, and for me this has been true of parenthood. There are things you give up, but there is so (so so so) much beauty in it.

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Looove this description. So beautifully put, Siobhan

[@nadiamehretab6168]

This one of my favorite videos of yours, such a moving video essay, a collage if you will of all the beautiful pieces that make up your world and the world of your loved ones. So vulnerable and generous it is of you to share this, I am sure it will resonate with so many people!!

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Thank you SO much! I was a little nervous to post since it is so intimate, but comments like this are so encouraging :')

[@drjamilehgeorge]

Sophie I love this video ! Beautiful honest reflections and chat with Siria… thank you so much for sharing ❤️🥰

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Thank you Jam!!! Also, congratulations on baby #2!!!! I'm so excited for you!!

[@drjamilehgeorge]

@@scribbledbysophie6589 thank you dear !😘

[@yasaminmohammadi2279]

Sophie! I’ve only met you once briefly at your brother and his wife’s home (didn’t want to say their names cause it’s KZbin lol) and I have to say how much we have in common. Your thoughts and reflections as honest and open as they always are seem to capture what I think to myself in my daily life. I too have struggled with this dilemma as my husband and I have only been married for a year and some change. There’s some external pressure to wait as some people think there’s a need to be married for at least x amount of time before kids but what are all these arbitrary times and timelines that have been determined. Lots to think about. I wish I was able to get to know you better in person. Yet I feel like I’m learning more about you through your art via KZbin. And it’s wonderful. Keep on sharing your vulnerability and light with us all.

[@jt7952]

Yass hi

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Omg!!! Thank you for such a sweet comment. I love that you find yourself thinking the same things! I love when I find out I'm not alone in something :) I wish we could haven spent more time together too!!!

[@makenzitippins7379]

Well this video literally said every word that has been on my heart. Thank you for sharing! Has anyone who felt this way gone through with it??? How is it on the other side!!!!

[@jesiejade8468]

I love this so much 😭 Every word resonated with me. Thank you 🫶

[@susanoliveira3155]

After a really traumatic divorce I found this guy and I'm so crazy for him and he check all the boxes... I never ever EVER in my life thought about having a baby but with him I cant stop thinking about it.. I'm 30yo living abroad and starting my life again from scratch.. completely lost on this topic 😢

[@yenlikgaisina8646]

Wow, it felt like you just read my mind! Except, I am 27yo and already have two boys. Now people keep telling me how wonderful it would be to have a daughter. And I totally feel the same as you right now, only adding up those two children from school are with you 24/7. There is a weird story behind it. My soon to be husband desperately wanted a baby for his parents, whereas I planned to have kids after gaining my bachelors and masters degrees. Since I loved my husband so much, I agreed with his plan to have a baby, leave it with his parents, and move abroad for 4-5 years for my education 🙈 Months went by, my belly grew, the baby started kicking its tiny legs, and ultrasound pictures came - he was so cute! I couldn’t stick to our plan. I had to leave the baby with me. Everyone was disappointed, but eventually, everything went well. I was melting in my baby boy’s cute smile! I was educating myself in childcare and baby neurology. I was extra responsible, mommy, as I thought whatever I say to him, or feel to him, or do with him can either make or break him in the future. Now people call him a little genius with his tremendous knowledge of mathematics. Then I felt I couldn’t keep up playing with him, as it took too much energy from me. I thought he might benefit from having a little friend. Many confirmations later, we went for baby #2. What I wanted to say is, I don’t regret having kids now. I only regret I was listening to other people rather than to myself. I tried to keep up with my dreams and graduate, which wasn't easy and added some bitterness to motherhood. Although my husband, relatives, friends keep telling me how beautiful it is to have a daughter and suggest I go for it, I don't feel enough power to carry on like this. I want to fulfil my dreams first, see what else can I accomplish except for being a good housewife, mother, student and volunteer. I can feel tremendous potential within me. I wouldn't push myself if I were you. But again, you should always listen to yourself.

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Wow, Yenlik! Thank you sooo much for sharing such an honest, intimate reflection. I appreciate it so much! What an interesting story and path you have had. I know you are an incredible mother, but I also know you will do many other incredible things in your life! I can feel the potential you are talking about, and I know you are going to do great things!!! I am so excited to follow along and see what comes next for you. Thank you for reassuring me that I should listen to my instincts

[@unnameablespace8945]

Thank you for sharing this ❤ very poetic

[@nathanrainsford9337]

Oh man this video is so so good

[@chesleysara]

1. We are the same. You are me and I am you. 2. Let me know if you figure out when to have kiddos. 3. Your sister is so wise!

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Hahaha love this comment. Will do! 😂

[@quantumleap1491]

I think this way too sometimes since I’ve always wanted to be a mom, I am 25 now and I am single but I at least want one child but I think my life isn’t the greatest right now but I think sometimes my job is rough and I think how great it would be to come home to child who would love me unconditionally no matter how I feel about myself or how much I screw up, would hug me and tell me they love me, I never cared if they were a boy or a girl, just a child that loved me like I love them.

[@unista2706]

I just cry just watching how life is scary I been married for 5 years and I’m so comfortable how my life is right now it’s just me and my husband and my husband says if you feel like you not ready then don’t push it and I never hear hey we gonna be oh okay even tryna involve it and got rid of it god keeps sending a child and I’m now expecting and I’m over heels what my life will be. I’m really a over thinker

[@laurenanvari3358]

It's definitely a deeply personal decision. You will know when the right time is for you and it's ok if it isn't when you thought it would be. xx

[@josiewatts6333]

This is such a beautiful video

[@nickyeastman]

Im 26 been married for 5 years and were exactly where you are. Im not sure i want to give up my time but always imagined myself as a mother.

[@heidiwright5248]

I feel like this too! 100%

[@Gleyi07]

I’m 41 and still struggling with this 😅

[@ShanayBraxton]

Your capacity changes because it has too!

[@RebeccaJ720]

I want to continue my lineage, but I lack the patience or mental state. I feel like I inherited my father's anger issues & will give them the same verbal abuse.

[@alien.superstar]

Therapy

[@NaveedEghterafi]

You're vulnerability inspires and moves me

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Aw, so sweet Naveed! Thank you 🥰

[@AK-mj5ps]

Hi sophie!

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

Hi adele!!

[@Cybercrime.branch]

Tomorrow is my iui and I am not ready. at the same time I don’t want to go against the nature.

[@scribbledbysophie6589]

You got this!!