How I stayed organized during my architectural master's

In this tutorial video, I walk through my organization strategy for my architectural thesis. I used OneNote back in the day, but the principles are universal and can be applied to any app / organization software.
0:50 - Introduction
2:55 - Thesis Schedule
3:10 - Background on my Thesis Program
9:35 - Meetings
9:54 - Writing
10:30 - Presentation
10:54 - Books
12:34 - Bibliography
13:30 - Precedents
14:30 - Case Studies
15:00 - Articles
15:20 - Quotes + Site
15:48 - Key Terms
15:50 - Project Specific Information
16:20 - Folder Structure
JOIN MY NEWSLETTER:
www.damilee.com/newsletter
MY FAVOURITE TOOLS:
My KZbin Camera Gear: kit.co/damilee/my-filming-kit
My Studio Essentials: kit.co/damilee/dami-s-studio-...
Book Recommendations: www.damilee.com/book-recommen...
INSTAGRAM - / damileearch
TWITTER - / damileearch
LINKEDIN (plz send me a msg first!) -
WHO AM I:
I'm Dami, a licensed Architect living in Vancouver, BC. I make videos about architecture, career, and creativity.
WEBSITE - www.damilee.com
GET IN TOUCH:
If you’d like to talk, I’d love to hear from you! Commenting on a video or tweeting @damileearch will be the quickest way to get a response from me, but if your question is very long, feel free to email me at [e-mail]. I try my best to respond to the emails, but unfortunately, there just aren't enough hours in the day!

[@mattheworbita7133]

Hi! I'm an Architecture student from the Philippines, and I'm glad that this channel catches my attention, and it helps me a lot in my school works; thank you, keep it up.

[@DamiLeeArch]

welcome ^^

[@jukestaposition]

I wish you had posted this before I started my thesis. Wish I was this organized and motivated.

[@DamiLeeArch]

It's never too late to get organised. Like I said.. biggest value in thesis is about learning to organise your life and creating a system for all your future projects 😊

[@Better9306]

sad life :(

[@kinzasyed7389]

Damii, I loved it. and surprisingly I am organizing all research work of my thesis like this. just started the deisgn stage and I am panicking, my thesis is due in 3 months. this pressure of wanting to do so much and then ending up not doing anything is real. and thank you so much for being so so helpful during these hard times. you are the bestt.

[@DamiLeeArch]

I know exactly how you feel 🥲 but you would be amazed how much work you can get done in three months!! Hang in there, I'm sure you'll do amazing 😊

[@Archdaystudio]

Hi your're one of teachers out off my class i got. so helpfull skill or inside you share to us as architecture student - Thanks a lot Damilee greetings warm from Indonesia.

[@sushie583]

Thank you for your videos. They motivate me to be passionate about what I am studying again

[@nehazaidi8490]

Appreciation: I have never watched a full tip video, and that too, in my leisure time. I enjoy your videos so much that for the very first time, I had to take notes and share with others too. You are really a mentor for me. Your presentation video was my favourite!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Wow thank you so much.. I'm really honoured to hear that! 😁

[@nehazaidi8490]

@@DamiLeeArch Seeing a reply from my mentor... It is an honor for me to experience this celebrity moment. God bless you and your family. Stay safe and healthy.

[@purushottamupadhyaya4097]

At this point, I don't even have to mention that I am a regular viewer.

[@iariarth8716]

where have you been before! Dami with this tool I can zoom in and out, scale up and down of the action I am living every day in my life. grateful.

[@shadhaebadhy1146]

I got too busy 'cause of my exams and missed few of your latest uploads🥺 I'm so excited to watch 'em ❤️

[@Ku6epIIe4eHe7]

Thank you kindly for this tutorial. It is brilliant! I am struggling with my organizational skills.

[@arunavsinha6324]

Hey loved your content, was so glad I pondered onto this page. Thanks a lot for this particular video/series(I hope it turns into one).Thanks a ton for this video!

[@DamiLeeArch]

no problem, glad you found it helpful! yeah I am planning on turning it into a series of videos!!

[@nickyoung3894]

Love your videos! I was an architecture major at Ohio State for a brief time (decided to go into music education instead, and I currently teach), but I still relate to this content so much!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Thank you! That's an interesting transition 👌

[@thalissacarvalho4109]

perfect timing 🥰

[@maryjoyasuncion589]

This is so so helpful

[@DamiLeeArch]

Thanks!! Glad I could help :)

[@phillipbecher3793]

Don’t constrain yourself! I would watch a 50 minute video on your thesis project!

[@morfairy]

So inspirational Thanks a lot Dami!!

[@rjarpa]

How much i love this woman!

[@desireeelopez]

I'm a 4th-year architecture student. This is helpful, thank you

[@DamiLeeArch]

No problem 😊

[@princessrashidart]

Super helpful. Thank you!

[@confusingdot]

Sometimes being too organized can become more of a distraction than an aid. It's refreshing to see how you balanced being organized just enough to get your thesis done. Organization is a tool, not an ends.

[@Joysep24]

Hi, I studied in interior design in Vancouver and I am glad that found you.

[@DamiLeeArch]

Oh wow cool! Such a small world ^^

[@stig5229]

Excellent choice of music and "art direction", great for inspiration

[@DamiLeeArch]

Thank you!!! 💛

[@chatdiscord6047]

love your work very good it motivates me

[@shirlsies]

I was about to like the video but I found that it’s already been liked. This has been happening a lot. I guess every time I open your videos I instinctually like it ☺️🤪

[@DamiLeeArch]

Hahah that's awesome. 😁

[@DipenderSingh1969]

Great work ❤

[@snigdhasarkar9687]

Hey Dami, please make a video on colleges offering good course and how it is in college and after that. I'm in high school and having great trouble figuring that out🙏

[@MK-nl6po]

Killin it DamiLee!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Thank you Marco!

[@jonathonchang9379]

Starting my thesis in one more year!! I’m so nervous but excited! Is there anything you recommend I may start thinking about or doing to gradually prepare? This video is awesome✨

[@DamiLeeArch]

That's super exciting! I would recommend reading umberto eco's how to write a thesis, and just start consuminy a lot of material about any topic you find interesting without being too selective

[@lozzamozza340]

Really interesting as an aspiring architect! Would love to know how you use notion as an architect I’m obsessed with using it for my life especially uni!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes absolutely I can do a video on that! I've been really enjoying notion - thr only downside is the phone interface is not as great as some other apps

[@PrarthnaRoy]

Can you give us tips and how to conduct research for our theses? As in what questions and what answers to look for while researching and studying for our projects? Very helpful video btw thanks a lot for this.

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes absolutely that would also be working fun topic for me. Cheers 😊

[@glitterfairies6664]

I love your videos!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Thank you!!!

[@prawiraagung4011]

Interesting and helpful!

[@DamiLeeArch]

😊

[@joelbuxton6884]

What are your thoughts on Leon Krier and New Urbanism as expounded on in "Drawing in Architecture"? Or Jane Jacobs? Or even Kengo Kuma? For instance, is New Urbanism simply traditionalism in theory and bland gated communities in practice (ie: Florida projects). Perhaps you could discuss the thinkers that influence you? Who are your favourite architects and why? I think this would be great to explore in an episode to help us to get a window on not just you, but also the state of architecture schools. Thanks for your hard work.

[@jasrazubairi]

could you please make a video on organizing your work in notion? also when will you upload part 2 of this video?? Can't wait! I really need tips on organizing my thesis!!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes sure! I started using notion a few months ago and I absolutely love it. Only gripe is that there's not a big selection of fonts

[@jasrazubairi]

@@DamiLeeArch Yes, I'm trying to organize in notion but it's really complicated.

[@TorontosTerrestrialReefs]

Hey Dami, can you make a video on your notion set up? Your content is very helpful for a first-year grad student (M.Arch 1). Cheers from Ottawa :)

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes absolutely! I'm glad you're finding them helpful. More thesis content to come 😊

[@monktle]

Great video Dami! Would it be possible for a Notion video?!

[@y_hc750]

Hi, could you help me with the example of 1or 2 story building which have placement/proximity design principle. I really need help into the architecture building case studied in my project. 😭

[@mharoon]

this is really helpful 😃 thanks! also, waiting for your new video

[@DamiLeeArch]

thanks :) new video coming.. tomorrow! breaking my no video streak finally lol

[@MassiveJetGrind]

Hey, you can do a stream while organizing those files and talking about architectural theses. Three birds, one rock.

[@nehazaidi8490]

I love your videos. Can you please make one on portfolio making for applying somewhere too?

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes absolutely! I'm actually working on that video right now.

[@nehazaidi8490]

@@DamiLeeArch Thank you!!! Cannot wait!

[@vincentabbang]

Hi, can you recommend some books or readings that are essential for architecture students? and some outside of the box recommendations that might be interesting too. Endearing video btw, Ms. Dami :)

[@DamiLeeArch]

For sure. I have also made a video on the must-have books for architecture students here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oKOXk3dqnsx3b7s

[@cedric24x]

Hiii Can you make a video about architecture concepts and examples please! It seems hard to find concepts in arch!

[@DamiLeeArch]

Yes absolutely! very high requested topic and a fun one.

[@Better9306]

I want to be an architecture now :)

[@perksofbeingafoodie2070]

I didn't take art in highschool Do I have a chance to pursue architecture?? Please I need your input🤔

[@DamiLeeArch]

You can always develop drawing / sketching skills on your own and still put together a portfolio. 😊

[@maximilianoolivarescroxatt2072]

Which font did you use in your thesis and why?

[@DamiLeeArch]

I used Caslon! My thesis research was on libraries, learning and reading, so I wanted to use a nice classic serif font. It's also a bit more delicate than Times.

[@Anuj15Apr]

I wanna do architecture. I'm in grade 8. What subject should I take in 11th? Btw love your videos soo much🥰🥰

[@DamiLeeArch]

thank you :) I'd try taking art, woodworking, and any required courses in the architecture school you want to apply to. (math / physics / etc)

[@Anuj15Apr]

@@DamiLeeArch Okay thanks :)

[@knw-seeker6836]

Could you make about how prepared for exams?

[@yifanggg1997]

I’m curious that does it necessary architecture student require good drawing skills?

[@DamiLeeArch]

It definitely helps but it's just a tool for iterating and communicating your ideas quickly. I've also seen people with beautiful drawing skills who are terrible at architecture.

[@annakurse2650]

Great video! I don't have much to say, just commenting to leave a comment ;)

[@DamiLeeArch]

Hahah thanks for leaving a comment ;) greatly appreciated.

[@craftyneha472]

Please show us how to compose thesis portfolio from start to end......plese

[@DamiLeeArch]

Will do 😊

[@OtherworldlyTV]

Hey guys I'm 33 an artist n I live in Chicago im looking into a degree in ARCH . Ummmmm any TIPS 😆. What are the projects like? I'm so interested lol what schools are good which ones are expensive lol how many specialized archs are there HUGH 😅

[@DamiLeeArch]

Hahah that's a lot of questions - impossible to answer here. I'll try to answer them in my future videos? Btw Chicago is one of my favourite cities and I imagine an amazing place to practice architecture!

[@kieuduyen2080]

I don’t know why but she looks like Ella Gross ( Jennie’s sister -BLACKPINK).

[@masabaakabaemmanuel3793]

Now back to reality😊😊

[@DamiLeeArch]

nothing wrong with reality 😝

[@reactionsgalore6670]

I wish I had this 19 years ago when i did my thesis. LOL

[@DamiLeeArch]

Hahah I'm curious what made you still watch? This is a pretty niche topic lol

[@reactionsgalore6670]

@@DamiLeeArch well it was a pretty traumatic time for me. LOL CAD was still new then and it kept glitching, especially when printing out your plans, and our thesis had to be deliberated by a panel of architect professors for an hour, questioning every tiny detail. All that and more problems, all without the convenience of the internet, having to go and literally research and commute for everything that I needed. there's just too much to write on here, but it was crazy. I would have loved to study in this time of age with all the technology and the open knowledge offered online.

[@Olivierstreet]

Omg Dami, were you seeing anyone at this time?? Just curious lol.

[@DamiLeeArch]

Hahah yeah I was actually. But it was a long distance luckily 😆

[@marcusperry9481]

Throughout life, turtlenecks seemingly appear when instructions about organization are being relayed. Factual assertion based on lived experience.

[@dinarayafizova4922]

There is no marks by video

[@devinjo2318]

Oink Oink.. I know that YOU can't give Your Heart away.. then what am I suppose to do if I really really want Your Heart.. I want that Heart.. not just a Heart.. but I am asking YOU for That Heart.. YOUR Heart.. I have been waiting in the Room.. asking if I can have Your Heart.. a Picture that came to me.. I would look at YOU through Your Picture.. I remember when I saw the Picture for the first Time.. It blow My Mind.. it felt like something Hit me.. right unto My Head.. It felt like a baseball fly and Hit.. and I felt like It was going to knock me Off my two feet.. I looked at Your Picture.. asking.. looking over and over.. asking YOU.. asking the Picture.. if I can Have Your Heart.. NO matter How many times I would pick UP your picture and looking at YOU.. asking.. I would say many times.. will YOU please show me Your Heart.. I really really meant it this TIME.. Before the Big Box arrived.. someone told me that because YOU are so Beautiful.. the eyes has never seen such a Great Beauty.. the person Had to just take a picture of YOU.. and wanted to show me what a Beauty YOU are.. I was so curious about How can someone be very beautiful.. the Person came to me and showed me.. this is the Picture.. take a look and I remember when My hands grab the Picture.. I would be like.. How Beautiful and when both of my eyes looked at the Picture of YOU.. Like a flying baseball hit right into my Face.. and I would look at the person.. I saw tears in the person's eyes and I am asking.. why are YOU crying.. and the person would say.. AM I BLIND.. just look at the Beauty.. the Most Beautiful.. LOOK.. at least Open the two eyes and see.. I would look and looking at the Picture of YOU.. I know that MY Heart was hiding the true feelings inside.. because.. I knew that person was right.. like a flying baseball.. Hit into my Head.. I felt it coming Hard on me.. I can feel the shaking of my Chest.. I knew.. YOU took my breathe away.. I was breathing heavy.. I was truly in awe with YOU.. but I would.. I was lying to myself because I just did not want to believe the words.. but I knew the person was right and had to accept the truth.. the person looks at me and says.. I know.. my eyes too is watery and Yes.. I can see the tears.. two lines are falling from my eyes.. because.. YOU took my breathe away.. I see the reason why the person had to take a picture of YOU.. I am standing next to the person.. but of us are crying as looking at your Picture.. I remember I asked the person.. can I have this Picture.. I want to have it on my own.. since the person took it to show me How Beautiful YOU are.. I can't breathe.. my Chest feels so sharp and feels so heavy when I am breathing.. that is How I feel when I take a look at Your Picture.. I want to cry.. I want to cry more.. I just can't stop but wants to cry.. but I must hold back my tears because I am a MAN.. the person leaves me with Your Picture.. my hand holds your picture and the person Leaves.. as I am walking into the room.. looking at Your Picture.. How am I suppose to ask.. if you can't hear me.. How can I get this Off my Chest and tell YOU How beautiful YOU are to me.. I would stand there.. How am I suppose to share my Heart to YOU.. even though I may have this Picture.. and I am looking at Your Picture.. If I may speak.. can YOU hear me.. would you understand the words that Comes Out of my mouth when I speak looking at Your Picture.. Please tell me and give me an answer.. so that I know I can continue to tell YOU what is deep on my soul.. I want to share.. tell YOU how much I love YOU.. How much My Heart feels this Pain of just wanting to Love YOU.. as I am holding.. my hand holding Your Picture.. I would walk and I would enter the room.. and I would look at the Window.. but turn to face the wall.. but.. this wall.. I know that you are not here.. then WHY am I facing this wall.. but it is my Heart.. that My Heart wishes to tell YOU something.. would you like to hear what I want to say.. but I know no matter how much I speak.. YOU are not going to understand.. or hear these words of Mine.. But I needs to tell YOU.. Can I please Have Your Heart.. would you please show me Your Heart.. I need YOUR Heart.. I remember the Night comes.. and I am still standing in the room.. Looking at the wall.. facing the wall.. as I would look at Your Picture.. and I lift UP and I would say.. looking at the wall.. facing the wall.. I have received Your Picture.. I did not expect the Picture to come into my Hands.. it was someone who brought the Picture.. Out of the blues.. I had no plans of but I heard a knocking at the door.. I went to answer the door.. when I open the door.. someone I knew.. someone who I trusted.. a person told me.. here is a Picture.. but I never asked for any picture.. and I am wondering why is this person giving me this Picture.. I never asked.. I have never seen YOU before.. the person told me.. when I look at Your Picture.. I will cry.. my heart will melt.. and It would blow my mind.. and Showed me.. as I looked at the Picture of YOU.. I wanted to cry.. but decided to keep the tears dripping in the inside.. I could not hold back my tears because the person looks at me.. I saw tears.. and WHY tears.. of course.. I too was holding my tears back but I just could not anymore.. I stood with the person.. and both of us looking at Your Picture.. I just had to let my tears flow out of me.. I would stand there.. crying.. because YOU are so Beautiful.. WHY are you so Beautiful.. Now.. as I watched the person go.. I wanted to know why would this person give me this picture when the Person can have it to himself.. I am sure the Person can love YOU too.. He did not have to give me this picture.. what if I start to love YOU.. what happens.. but I told myself.. there must be a reason why the person decided to give me this Picture.. Now.. I have stand in this room.. few hours passed by.. it was in the day.. and sun was out.. Hot outside.. my hand holding Your Picture.. I would stand in the room.. only thing I could do is turn to face the wall.. the wall that is in the room.. but this Picture.. I would stand in silent what am I suppose to do Now.. if I have your picture.. No matter what I say to Your Picture.. YOU are not going to respond because YOU can't even hear me on the Other side.. what I means.. the distance.. I know that means far from where I am.. so I would stand in the room.. in silent.. I watch the sun set.. and It goes down until the Night comes.. the room is dark.. when the light does Not come on the room.. it is very dark.. so I am unable to see YOU in the dark.. but my hand still holds Your Picture.. I am only looking at the wall.. facing the wall.. I am telling YOU how my heart Feels.. I am telling you.. what am I suppose to do with Your Picture.. I know I have your picture.. what if I want more than just holding or having Your Picture.. can YOU tell me more.. that is why I am asking YOU for something.. for one thing.. I need Your Heart.. Can YOU please show me Your Heart.. I wonder if YOU can take a picture of Your Heart.. can YOU send me a picture of Your Heart.. so then I can at least know.. I have your Heart much closer.. maybe.. I can look at the picture of Your Heart.. and If I am able to speak to Your Heart.. I can tell your Heart how I truly feel.. If your presence is far and YOU are miles and miles away.. if you can write Your Name on your Heart.. take a picture of Your Heart.. my hand wants to hold the picture of Your Heart.. and I want to tell Your Heart something.. that I want You Close.. that I would like to love YOU.. would YOU allow me to Love you by giving me or showing me Your Heart.. so that I can tell Your Heart.. How long I have been waiting for this day.. How long I been waiting for someone like YOU.. someone as beautiful as YOU to be Mine forever.. can YOU please show me Your Heart.. Can YOU please take a Picture of Your Heart.. and I want to see Your Heart.. beside Your Heart I can write my name beside Your Name and say.. Your Heart belongs to me.. Your Heart belongs with me.. can I have Your Heart.. can I love Your Heart so that I can love YOU to bring you closer to me.. as I am standing.. I am looking at the wall.. facing the wall.. hand holding your picture.. I would turn.. looking for the switch and the Light comes On.. I would look at Your Picture.. in the dark room.. I could not see anything.. but with the light On.. I see YOU.. I see your Picture.. how can I get YOU close.. I want YOU close.. I want YOU near.. but when YOU are so far.. only thing I can do is miss YOU.. Please.. come Close.. please take a Picture of Your Heart and send to me.. I want to see Your Heart.. I want to see Your Heart close.. Please.. tell me you are listening.. as I turn to face the wall.. I only see the wall.. I know that on the Other side of this wall.. YOU are out there somewhere going beyond the MOON.. I want to see YOU.. because I love YOU.. and I miss YOU..I am standing and I look across.. there is a Flower.. I see the Sun Flower in the Room.. and I just know that something Great is about to happen.. I turn to look Out the window.. a MAN comes with a Big Box and drops by the Door.. and I see the man leaves.. as I walk Out of the Room.. I stop and turn back to LOOK.. it is that sun Flower.. why do I keep on thinking of YOU when I see a SUN FLOWER.. does it means that YOU make me Smile.. or do you take My Breathe away when I know that It is YOU.. that SUN FLOWER.. I just can't stop looking.. as if I am looking at YOU.. I wonder what is that BIG BOX.. why did this MAN come and drop this BIG BOX in front of the door.. I wonder what is Inside that Big Box.. as I turn..

[@devinjo2318]

MAH MAH.. I fall on both Knees.. on the Outer court of the Palace.. I look at YOU.. and I know I just can't.. I want to die.. it is better for me to die.. I see the King seated.. and On the Judgment seat.. PEH HA!! Special Guard surround me.. and I scream from my Heart.. PEH HA!! YOUR MAJESTY.. I know I must Die.. But before I go to my own graves.. I want to share and testify before I go.. can YOU please give me Your ears to listen.. I turn to face and I look at YOU.. MAH MAH!! CONG JU NIM.. my wrists are in chains and I would show YOU these chains.. it means nothing to Me.. these chains means Nothing.. AM I INNOCENT to love YOU.. If I am to put to death because I love YOU.. Please.. PUT me down and take me to my own graves.. and I turn to face the King.. PEH HA!! I know I was told.. I am not suppose to Love CONG JU NIM.. Someone told me not to go far.. and I know what I have done is wrong.. I am going to say I am so sorry to Love MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. I did Not want to love but.. I started too.. and I still do Love CONG JU NIM.. and I would turn to face YOU.. YOU are wearing that White dress.. But why.. I can't forget the first time I saw YOU in that White Dress.. it was long ago before I even knew YOU.. I remember my Father would take me to the Palace.. I was a young boy.. he got me riding on a horse.. and He as pulling on the side coming to the Palace and it was a long travel.. as my father stopped.. a gate and with bars.. and I remember my father would tell me.. there is the Princess.. CONG JU NIM. and I would look through the bars.. and I would see a little girl running out.. with a white dress.. the maids and male servants are chasing after the Princess.. My Father looks at me and tells me.. He had to attend the Princess.. he was a part of the service.. and I am sitting on the horse.. I remember I got off the Horse.. and the guards opens the gate.. and I walk with my father next to Him.. that was the first time I saw YOU MAH MAH.. I am Not sure if YOU remember me.. I was with my Father and He told me to have respect and honor for the Princess.. this is MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. and I would stand next to my father and I would bow my head 90 degrees to give YOU respect as the Princess of the Nation.. I stood there.. I am standing here before the Princess.. and My Father knows the Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. my father would walk with you.. and there were several other male servants and Maids around.. I saw YOU for the first time.. I saw YOU twirl in circle with the White dress.. I remember YOU were smiling.. the sun was shining.. I just can't believe how Beautiful YOU really looked.. I could not say a word because I was very shy.. YOU would be running around and more of the maids and male servants are chasing after YOU.. I am thinking.. YOU are so Fierce and Bold.. I watched a MAID fall on the ground cause she could not catch YOU.. I stood there.. a Princess.. CONG JU NIM is not afraid.. is not shy.. and I remember when YOU stopped running.. YOU started to order the Maids and the Male servants.. they would all look on the floor.. and I saw YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. in the white dress.. YOU walked into Your Chamber.. my Father told me.. this is where you stayed.. and It was so huge.. the palace that I remembered.. my Father would put me back on the Horse and as we would go back Home.. He would be on the side walking.. and I be sitting on top of the Horse.. He would share all kinds of stories what he had to face when he was with YOU.. attending YOU to service for the King but was put in charge over the servants.. he was the Head of the servants but still a servant.. and my father told me that One day he is going to bring YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM to the garden.. I am looking at you with my chains on the wrist.. DO YOU NOT remember.. I still remember like it had happened yesterday.. How come YOU don't remember me when I was at the outer court of Your Chamber.. my Father was the Head of the servants.. and I would turn to look at the King.. PEH HA!! DO you not remember my father.. My Father worked in the king's service but he was with Your Daughter.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. He would take care of PRINCESS.. and I turn to look at YOU.. and my Heart.. it is breaking if YOU don't remember when I was there.. I saw YOU in the same white dress.. I saw YOU and YOU would twirl around in circles.. and I can't never forget Your Smile.. that smile I still can see in the back of my mind.. and I would look on the ground.. I would go out at night.. to the garden I would walk alone.. looking at the bed of flowers.. and I would think of YOU.. and the images in my mind started to POP like pictures.. I would see YOU in that white Dress.. twirling around.. with your smile.. YOUR JOY.. Your true happiness.. I want that Love.. I want it too.. How you would be in charge and taking actions.. I would stand in the night.. by the bed of flowers.. I wanted to see YOU.. I wanted to be where YOU were.. I wasn't happy where I was at.. LOOK at me.. I am a Low Born.. son of a servant.. who wants to be born to a Low born.. I want something More.. and as I look at the bed of flowers.. I would cry.. cry because I am a slave.. why do I have to be like this.. what if I was born in a Noble family.. I would not be this hurt.. this hated.. this looked down.. But I am a son to the Low Born and I would cry bitterly and I sat next to the Bed of flowers.. I heard foot steps and my father came near me.. and stood next to me.. and told Me.. I should never talk like that.. Even a slave can have dreams.. even a Low Born Son can do something Big as long as I believe but tells me never to love YOU.. I just can't and I would be wiping my tears.. WHY can't I love CONG JU NIM.. why can't I love MAH MAH.. what is wrong with that.. why can't I just love.. and I sat down.. just crying and crying looking at the bed of flowers.. and I remember my Father turns and walks away.. I knew what he meant.. He was worried for me.. as I am looking on the ground.. these chains.. I guess this is what he meant not to Love YOU.. that I can be in trouble.. that there are something you must not cross because.. and I lift up my head and even though I am on my knees.. I would look and I look at YOU.. sitting next to Your Father.. and I opened my mouth.. CONG JU NIM.. AM I wrong to Love YOU.. I know by the law I am Not suppose too or it is by Death.. By loving YOU is Not a sin.. I should Not be blamed because it is I who loved YOU first.. I know I should of stopped when My father told me not to love YOU.. at the Garden.. I was by the bed of flowers.. I was crying.. looking at the flowers.. I thought it was going to give me the same smile that I saw YOU when YOU were at your Chamber.. outer court.. MAH MAH.. when I was sitting on the Horse.. with my father next to me.. I thought it was going to bring me the same kind of feeling.. but I could not find that kind of feeling or emotions at all.. so I cried knowing that only way is to start loving YOU.. maybe that is the only way.. and I just would tell my father.. I wanted to stop.. but I just can't.. and as much as it hurt me not listening.. he hurts me too.. so I kept on weeping through the Night by the bed of flowers.. I remember before I met YOU.. PRINCESS.. those bed of flowers made me smile.. brought the happiness in me.. because LOOK how beautiful those flowers are.. I would sit by the Bed of flowers.. naming each flower like it had faces.. and personalities.. but when I saw YOU.. IN the white dress.. YOU became the Most beautiful flower.. Nothing can compare with your Beauty.. and I saw how you were.. what I was missing and wanted to better myself because of what I saw in you I had Not in me.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. You brought me life and inspiration.. that I too wanted to change forever so that I can be loved by YOU.. I remember my father which made a promise to me.. He did bring YOU to the Garden.. when I saw you CONG JU NIM.. I just could not take it anymore.. I saw YOU in the distance.. I was not allowed to be close to you.. But I saw you in the distance.. My Father was with YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. and YOU were sitting on top of the white horse.. and He would be next to YOU on the ground.. with special guards and body guards around.. and I was on the top of the Hill.. standing.. but when I look down.. I see YOU.. and YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. my father would lift you out of the white horse and showed you the bed of flowers.. I would be by the tree.. I just couldn't take it no more.. and I would stand there.. both arms reaching out too you.. I wanted to hold YOU.. I wanted to Hold you close in my arms.. But I know that I can't.. my father would be in danger because of me.. but I would be standing.. I wanted to be near YOU.. but I was not allowed.. I remember my father warned me not to get close to YOU.. as I would sit next to the tree.. and I would kept crying.. because I loved YOU.. I could feel it in my root of my heart.. that I was starting to love YOU.. as I would look at YOU.. I turn to the king.. who was not happy at all.. I told HIM.. PEH HA!! I am ready to die.. I have already prepared in my heart.. I am not afraid to die.. I am Not afraid to love Your Daughter.. CONG JU NIM.. because so much time has passed by since then.. How can I turn back the clock when time has taken me this very far.. If you please let me speak to MAH MAH.. please let me tell CONG JU NIM something.. I turn to look at YOU.. I have never regretted a day.. if you are asking me am I shamed to love YOU.. I am Not ashamed..

[@devinjo2318]

MAH MAH.. My father told me that he had to give me everything before he goes and knew that something was going to happen to him.. so my father passed down the knowledge and I started to study and learn very hard under his guidance.. and I wanted to give YOU these letters.. I had no other ways to send but.. my Heart.. My Heart kept on telling me to tell YOU.. to tell YOU what is really going inside.. I rather die right now then go through this Pain.. this pain of loving YOU is killing me more.. that is why I am just waiting.. I am asking YOU.. when YOU see my body laying on this prison cell.. please.. take my body beside.. you know the garden.. please put my body next to my father.. He gave me everything so I want to be with my father.. I been writing all these letters soon I was sentenced to death.. and knowing my time is coming near.. so I wanted to tell YOU.. at least you know how I feel about you.. when I am gone.. and long ways apart.. at least these letters is going to tell YOU a story.. about a MAN.. a Low born.. from a slave family.. what hurts me the most is that I can't be with YOU.. I want to be with YOU.. I want to be the one who loves YOU.. I just wish that I can.. but it seems like it won't work out.. I wanted to focus on loving YOU.. but only way is to tell you through these letters that I write.. too tell YOU I will never stop loving YOU.. even if I die.. I still will love YOU.. even if my body goes into the grave.. my spirit will be with you.. I be loving you then.. but you have to promise me.. take my body back to the garden.. bury me next to my father.. without my father.. I wouldn't be able to write.. How can I come this very.. my father is the one who taught me.. and that is why I am able to tell you this very day.. I could of sat in the prison cell silent.. but.. I knew.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I have this urgency to tell YOU.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I LOVE YOU.. My grandfather served the King.. PEH HA.. He became the CHIEF GENERAL and became the Noble for Your Father.. PEH HA.. the King.. my father told me that I could dream like my grandfather.. because He was unable too do.. and that is why he started to teach me.. until I saw YOU.. and I just couldn't stop dreaming.. but dreaming to be with YOU.. to love YOU more and more.. I wanted you to know that is How much I love YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. YOU are the only One who I love.. I have written a lot of letters.. LOOK at the letters.. see how much I have written because I wanted to tell YOU.. my heart is that much filled.. of course there is a part of History of what I been through.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. as I would look at YOU through the Bars.. I see you turn around.. and there was a Messenger for the King.. and I see you giving the Letters to the Messenger for the King.. PEH HA and he bows his head and turns and walks off and I see you turn to look at me.. and YOU tell me to raise Up.. but I would just stay on my fours.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. PLEASE.. when I die.. take my body and take it to the garden.. the bed of flowers.. and next to my father.. I want to be close to my father when I die.. but if I am able to go on.. I want to be near YOU.. too love YOU.. even this Prison Cell.. YOU may thing am I holding anything against.. NO.. because at least I am near YOU.. I am still inside the King's palace.. I know that I could of been thrown outside.. but still being a part of the King's palace.. just wanting to see YOU is all I had in mind.. all I had in my heart.. of course I asked myself.. I was doubting about you ever show up.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. thank you so much for the visit.. just your presence.. your smile is all I wanted to see from YOU.. on this very night.. it is cold.. so please.. YOU should go back to the chambers.. CONG JU NIM.. Did YOU not tell me that YOU were never going to come Back.. YOU told me to Leave.. that YOU wish not to see me Any More.. YOU told me that YOU were never going to come back to see Me.. and those words left Bruises in My Heart.. YOU told me when I stood by this Tree.. You were with the Prince.. and YOU looked at my eyes.. telling me to Leave and that YOU wish that YOU would not see me again.. It really torn My Heart.. it really Hurt me deep inside when YOU told me.. YOU never loved Me and that YOU wished Never to see me again.. and TOLD me to Leave.. I just could Not help it.. as I would turn the Other way.. I looked down on the Hill TOP.. started to walk down this Hill.. My Heart just could not take it any more.. as I was walking down.. I felt heavy in My Chest.. My tears just could Not help but come down very fast and very Hard.. I just could Not believe the Words I had to hear.. WHY did YOU say in a Harsh Way.. that My Heart had to fall off.. I remember as I sat in the Room.. I just kept on crying.. sitting on the Bed.. I just could Not stop.. I felt so Bad.. Unfolding.. LOOKING at the sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and I begin to think.. why was I still having this Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. after hearing Your Words.. that YOU wanted me to Leave and Never wanted to see me again.. and How I had to linger on those words.. I was still holding unto the Sketch Paper.. I just could Not throw it away even though I knew that YOU never Loved me.. My hand pressing onto my Chest.. I would Unfold the sketch Paper.. My eyes would close.. Hand presses down on my chest.. feeling my Heart.. weeping inside and crying with Me.. I would say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. WHY.. WHY don't you love me the way I love YOU.. is it because I am a Lowly Person.. just a servant.. is it because I don't fit Your Standards to be Your Man.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. I really needed to know why couldn't YOU love Me.. is there a reason WHY you chose to Not.. DID I do something wrong.. Have I said something that Made YOU change Your Mind or YOU never felt anything for Me in Your Heart.. Then How about My Heart.. WHY can't you accept the fact that I love YOU.. I am Not expecting anything back.. but just to know How much I love YOU and that I just can't stop loving YOU.. WHY tell me YOU do not want to see me anything.. Is it really that WHAT you want.. is that the real reason WHY.. as I would be looking at the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I would be wiping the tears from my eyes.. and Now I grabbed Your Wrist.. MAH MAH.. do you not remember what YOU said to Me.. it was right here.. I was standing by this Tree.. YOU told me Never to come Back.. Never to come see YOU.. and TO Leave.. WHY can't you look me in the eyes and tell me why did you say those words to Me.. I still remember.. It hurts so bad when I think about that TIME you told me.. WHY would you say that to me and WHY would you bring me back to this Same spot where I was Hurt the Most.. And Now.. why can't YOU face me.. why are you looking at the other way.. Please.. CONG JU NIM.. Please.. turn Your Head and please look at me in the eyes.. I need the answers why.. I am still lingered of that thought because I cried all Night thinking of YOU.. is it because I am Not the prince.. Am I suppose to be the Prince.. is that WHAT YOU want.. a Prince.. but I am Not the prince.. I am now a Palace Guard.. but was a Lowly servant when YOU told me those words.. Please.. MAH MAH.. Princess.. MAH MAH tell me why.. I am trying to get YOU to look at me.. It seems like YOU did not want to answer.. I guess then I am Not going to ask YOU about it anymore.. But.. this Place.. gives me such a bad taste of memories.. I felt my Happiest but also the Worst in my Life when I was told.. YOU never loved Me.. and to Go.. as YOU can see.. I am still hurt of the Past.. don't know why because much Time has passed by.. maybe because I never let YOU go.. I always loved YOU here.. always wanted you to be Near.. always I would turn to look at the Big Palace.. asking if I can see YOU.. but.. No matter how many calling Out your name.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. PRINCESS.. I would say here.. I would Not here YOU respond Back.. it would be Me always standing.. yelling Out.. calling Out to YOU to come.. that I would be missing YOU.. and just wish that YOU would stop by to at least to say HELLO.. but many times I stand here calling Out.. I would wait with silent.. it is because I love YOU.. and Have never left that thought.. But I do remember after I left this Behind.. I did not know where to Go.. I just wanted to Die.. WHY do I have to live if there is NO way for me to Love YOU.. So I tried to end my Life.. I drank something with Poison.. and ALL I remember I fell on the Floor.. on the ground.. but for some reason.. a MAN found me laying on the street.. on the ground.. and some way.. some how.. He took me In.. older MAN and I remember I woke UP.. the Older MAN looks at me and told me why I wanted to Die.. I got better with Time and I told the Older man.. why would you save my Life.. I did Not want to live.. and He showed me something.. unfolded the Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and He looks at me.. is this the reason WHY I wanted to Die.. I told him the truth.. Yes.. and He looks at me.. THIS IS the Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. this is a Picture of MAH MAH.. and I told the Older Man.. yes.. THIS is the princess.. CONG JU NIM.. He smiles.. I have great Dreams and Vision.. but also asking for a Death.. He tells Me.. I told him How I met YOU.. and the Older man started to show Me what it means to Practice with a Sword.. started to teach Me the way of the Warrior.. told me that He worked in the palace.. was the Chief General.. and ranked up to the Commander Position..

[@devinjo2318]

MAH MAH.. and Knows the King.. and Knows the princess.. but I tell this Older man.. I love YOU.. it does Not matter if I die.. anyways I wanted to end My life.. the Older man smiles.. I remember he would teach me for years and told me that I was ready to take the test.. the Military portion and will pass.. I went for the Testing.. I saw YOU.. and You were in the back.. all the new men came.. I looked at YOU.. as YOU sat with the judges at the table.. My Heart.. I just could Not believe.. why DO I start to love YOU again.. for years I would be spending with the Older man.. the Commander who became my Mentor.. I begin to wonder.. if I should take this Test.. I did Not want to disappoint YOU.. and felt so Nervous.. and I was wondering.. WHY were you at the Military testing Post.. sitting with the Judges.. but I do remember I saw YOU looking around.. and my Heart.. it kept on beating faster and faster.. Names were being called to perform.. I remember my name was called UP.. and I stood.. as I looked.. I saw YOU.. I am standing at the center of the training Ground.. I am Not sure if YOU recognized me or Not.. but I saw YOU sitting.. and YOU took my breathe away.. as I would show YOU the performance.. Holding the Sword.. I would be swinging.. I just could not take it any more.. My Heart.. it was breaking.. It was breaking into pieces as I was performing the swordsmanship.. I was hurt.. but also felt Like I needed to release this Heart of Mine.. as I would be swinging the sword with each Movement.. my tears would roll down.. remembering what YOU told me.. to Leave.. Never to be IN your presence again and Here I was.. did Not follow your orders or YOUR commands.. But I had a Dream.. to be a Soldier.. to be a warrior and to Protect the Nation.. As I finished the performance of the Art of swordsmanship.. I stood there.. and I was Not sure if YOU knew who I was because YOU acted like YOU did not know who I was.. But I saw YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I saw YOU at the table.. sitting with the Judges as they gave me the passing sign.. I felt like I wanted to show YOU.. prove to YOU that by doing this.. maybe someday YOU can notice me too.. I only wanted your Love.. I wanted to know.. do YOU love me.. will you ever love Me.. will you ever look me in the eye and say.. Yes YOU love Me.. I want to know because My Heart is hurting without Your Answers being heard.. I want the answer to be Yes.. so that I know I am going on the right path.. that what I am doing is right.. tell me.. as I stood beside YOU.. I am holding your wrist.. I am pulling Your wrist.. trying to see Your eyes.. why can't YOU look me in the eyes and tell me what Your true answer is.. why do you have to pull away.. why do you have to look away from my eyes.. I know that I can get the answers if I see your eyes.. I know you can tell me the truth.. for a Long time.. I have been waiting for YOU.. for this Very day.. I been waiting for you to tell me something.. I don't like to guess.. because guessing means I am not sure.. but Now.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. Please tell me your heart.. tell me the answers that is in Your Heart.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. WHY can't you tell me the truth.. I remember I was told to be guarding the back gates of the Palace.. I was so excited that Now I was a Part.. that I am entering at the King's service.. as I would stood to watch the back gate.. I heard someone say.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH IS Coming.. Bow to Knee.. BOW to Knee and all the People inside who were attending YOU.. they fell on their face down.. Knees on the ground.. I turn to LOOK back.. I see YOU walking on a White Dress.. people were behind YOU.. with special MAH MAH.. Body guards.. and with guards.. I saw YOU walk into the Door in the Palace.. the Guard next to me tells me.. this is where the Princess stays.. the Chamber is at the TOP.. and I would stand there in awe.. could Not believe that I was so close to YOU MAH MAH.. WHO ever thought that I be this Near.. so Close.. yet felt so Far and distance because YOU are the princess of the Palace.. and I am only a guard.. by this Gate.. MAH MAH.. I see you turn to LOOK at me.. and I just want to Hold YOU still.. I want to hold YOU close in my arms.. I wanted to feel YOU so Close.. I want to see if I can feel Your Heart Beat.. can I hear the beating of Your Heart.. because My Heart is beating faster right Now.. I just want to hold YOU near and Hold you close.. wrapped in my arms and Just won't let my arms go.. I want to hold YOU where you can see the sun goes down.. with Stars sparkling through the sky and see the Same Moon.. the Moon I been talking too about YOU CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. tell me that I can Hold YOU near and that I can love YOU all over again.. Please tell me that I am allowed to love YOU.. please tell me that I can.. YOU are the only One who can give me this permission.. grant me my Wish to love YOU again.. I am Looking at YOU.. You with the White Dress.. I am sitting in the Prison.. I am in Chains and I know that My time is drawing near.. I would unfold the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I am looking at YOU.. my hand traces over your face.. and I know it is My Heart.. does Not matter what happens to Me in this life.. will you love me Please.. How about after life.. How about in a different times.. may be when I am well off.. maybe Born into a better family.. being in a Low Born.. only thing is my Heart.. I ache because I can't fully love YOU.. even though I want to love you more.. and share this Love with you.. I feel like I can't.. I want to love YOU more.. tell you more how much I love YOU.. then YOU are everything I dreamed of.. I wished for and only loved.. WHY can't you understand this Heart of Mine.. How much More I must tell YOU.. that it is My Heart.. it is My Mind.. the thought of YOU.. just loving you here and my hand touch my Chest.. YOU should know that underneath where my hand is touch the Chest lies and lives My Heart.. I will always Love YOU.. and as I am looking.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. DO you know that each day that passes by.. does Not matter how many years.. I have never missed a Beat of My Heart loving YOU.. I wish that I can transfer this Love and let YOUR HEART knows How much I love YOU.. I never stopped.. and I would hear foot steps and it stops.. I turn my Head to look through the Bars.. It is the Guard.. the Guard who was with me.. who has become my friend and who would listen and He looks down.. and I look UP looking at Him.. and I know.. and I would close my two eyes.. The New Guard comes and stands next to Me.. I was alone guarding the back of the Gates.. Now.. I see that I am not alone.. the New Guard looks.. I unfold the Art Sketch Paper.. it is cold at Night.. in the Winter.. as the snow flakes falls from the sky.. I am Not sure.. but why do I feel it More in this Time.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. DO you know that I passed.. I thought that I was Not going to pass at all.. I saw YOU sitting with the few judges.. BUT I knew.. this is the Only Chance.. it could be my Last Chance.. I felt in my Heart.. WHAT IF I fail.. I don't want to show YOU that I am a failure.. I was shivering because when I saw YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I wanted to show YOU that even this Low BORN has Dreams.. that I am also a MAN with words.. that I do want to do something BIG in this Life and I only get one shot.. BUT when I saw YOU.. I could not believe that it was YOU.. I wondered.. why did YOU SHOW UP.. DID you know that It was I.. the Low Born at the Garden.. I knew that It was YOU.. How could I not forget.. the one who is in my Heart.. the One who I love the Most.. I have never forgotten Your Face.. always kept this.. the Art sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I pictured in my Head.. that One day I will see YOU and that day I want to show YOU a different side of Me.. not the coward who runs away frightened but the One who can stand tall on his two feet.. ready to fight.. and I wanted to show YOU that I can be bold.. I can have a Heart like a Tiger.. and to tell YOU that I love YOU.. I did not think that I would see YOU at the Judges table.. sitting down and watching the Exam.. But.. I knew this was my Time.. and my only shot so I gave it all.. I gave my best performance.. when I heard from the judges that I passed.. I could not stop.. but kept crying.. because I felt like I was not going to make it.. I felt like I would fail.. the way the judges looked at me and HOW I finished the performance of the military Art.. when I was given a position to Guard the back gate.. I was happy that I had fulfilled the first Part of my training period.. as I am standing by the Gates of the back.. the New Guard would look at the Art sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. of course He did not know that It was YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I guess he never saw YOU and told me.. that YOU were so Beautiful.. that YOU are so Pretty and I would look at the New Guard and I told HIM who it was.. and the New Guard was shocked.. But I told HIM.. it due time.. when the TIME comes I know what was going to happen to me.. but for Now.. I just want to keep on loving YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. the New Guard smiles and we would stand by the Back of the gates.. freezing cold.. as I would see the Snow Flakes falling.. and wind would blow.. and more snow flakes falls and becomes heavy.. the New Guard tells me something.. if I turn Back.. on the tower.. the Upper ROOM.. the Princess.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. her room is UP there.. and My Heart.. I am sure that it couldn't be.. How is it that the Princess.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH..

[@devinjo2318]

MAH MAH.. the One I have this Art Sketch Paper.. the One who I have the picture of.. that I AM so Close to YOU.. I am guarding the back.. which when I open the Door it leads to YOUR CHAMBER.. and I turn too Look back.. I don't see anyone.. the New Guard smiles.. He looks at me and tells me.. and as I turn too look back.. I do see someone walking.. it is pretty late and cold.. as I am looking.. from a distance.. I see many guards around.. Must be special and body Guards.. and I see YOU.. in a white Dress.. I see YOU.. is that really YOU.. the New Guard turns too look back and BOTH OF US LOOK and he tells me.. It is YOU.. My Heart.. I am so Close.. But why do I feel so Far from YOU MAH MAH.. why can I say MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I am over here.. MAH MAH.. do YOU see me.. I am here.. I have made it to the Palace.. I am so near.. can YOU NOT SEE ME.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. PRINCESS.. and I turn too look down.. at the Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I am thinking.. if YOU are so Close.. on the Other side.. just turning my Head and looking back.. I can see YOU but why.. WHY DO I turn and keep on looking at this Picture.. WHY am I holding unto this Picture if ALL I can do is turn too look back and I see YOU.. MAH MAH.. if only YOU can hear me.. If you can hear the words of Mine telling YOU.. HOW much I missed YOU.. even though all this time I had this Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. and I would look at it many times during the day and into the night.. just thinking of YOU.. and my hand touching my Chest.. My Heart keeps telling Me.. I love YOU.. I miss YOU.. I love YOU.. I wish that YOU knew My Heart.. and I would look at this Art Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU and speak to this Picture.. acting if YOU can hear me.. and I would say to this Picture.. One day I will see YOU again.. One day I will tell you these words of mine to YOU.. I will see you soon.. I never imagined that this day would come so soon.. but look at me.. I am here by the back of the gates and all I can is do nothing.. I can't even tell YOU that I am over here.. on the Other side.. I am guarding the Back of the gates.. so close to Your Chamber CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. is this a dream come true.. because for a Long time.. I never thought this day would come.. It felt so Far.. I felt so far that I would never see YOU again.. I only believed that YOU got married and left.. and I would never see YOU again.. but I still had hopes that Maybe.. just may be one day.. I can see YOU only.. I wish that it can happen sooner.. but WHO knows and I kept on looking at the Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. Only If I had the voice to speak.. Only if YOU can hear me.. I want to tell YOU by letting my VOICE be heard to YOU.. but How.. I felt so Far.. I was so far where I could not see YOU.. I could not find YOU.. that you were no where to be found.. until I saw YOU at the Exam.. I just could Not believe that it was YOU.. and I was touched.. that I had to believe in some way that It would come true.. when I saw YOU.. my tears.. it would not stop falling down.. I do remember when I was sitting down.. waiting for my name to be called and watching other men go UP and perform their Military Arts.. when I was sitting with the many men waiting for their turn.. I saw YOU.. my tears would tell me.. keep crying.. cry as much as YOU can Now because when I go there.. I can't shed no more tears.. I was looking at YOU while wiping my tears waiting for my turn to come UP.. After I passed.. of course.. I knew that I would Not see you any more.. this Palace is so Big.. But I had Hope.. that maybe we would run into each other Later because YOU were at this palace.. so I knew that YOU be around.. It gave me hope that I am not finished yet.. that I can still have dreams and to build ON my dreams.. maybe later on.. I can tell YOU if I can't tell you Now.. later down the road.. I am sure we will meet again.. that gave me something too look forward.. WHEN i got the Post to be the Guard here at the back of the Gates.. of course I thought it be far until the New Guard who stood with me told me that the Chamber belongs to YOU.. Now.. what am I suppose to do.. How am I suppose to cope in this condition.. when My Heart is On YOU.. when I want to love YOU More but I know that I can't.. I have a duty too fulfill.. but Loving YOU is the greatest reward to Me.. just loving YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. even though you may not see Me.. even though YOU may not hear me.. and YOU are standing from a distance.. I know that My Heart just can't stop.. Now.. I know that I want to love YOU More because YOU are so much closer then I ever imagined.. but why do I have to be so Close.. being close to YOU has its UPs but also I know that It can Hurt me in the long run.. but I want to love YOU MORE.. as I am holding unto the Art Sketch paper.. my hands grabbing to the Picture of YOU and my voice.. I am speaking as I am looking down at the Art Sketch paper.. the Picture of YOU.. the new Guard next to is.. who is standing near is able to hear me expressing My Heart to YOU.. He is shocked.. But I don't care.. I don't care because I just can't let it be silent any more.. I want to have a voice too.. I want to say what is in my Heart.. what is holding me back is that If I don't speak.. if I keep it too myself and remain silent.. if I can't voiced it Out.. it is going to KILL me in the long run.. I needs to say.. tell YOU MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. I want to tell YOU that I missed YOU all these years.. I haven't seen YOU.. years went by like it was yesterday.. I couldn't tell YOU anything.. I let it slip it away.. but it kills me when I just can't voiced it Outs.. if I can't tell YOU what is in my Heart.. I know it kills me because I needs YOU to know.. I love YOU.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. MY PRINCESS.. YOU know that I love YOU.. WHY can't I say this to YOU.. WHY CAN'T I tell YOU what is in my heart.. I want to tell YOU that I love YOU.. I only get One chance.. One Shot is all I can get so I want to tell YOU.. I never stopped loving YOU.. but kept on thinking of YOU day and night.. so instead of just saying nothing and just thinking.. and unable to voice it out.. I felt more Hurt because I felt Like I was afraid too.. But.. Now I am not afraid to tell YOU because it is my Heart who loves YOU the Most.. I love YOU.. WHY can't I say this to YOU that I love YOU.. why can't you accept these words of Mine.. that I love YOU.. YOU know how much I love YOU.. the new Guard looking at me.. and he turns around too look back.. as I am looking at the Art Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I did not know that YOU came close.. and YOU were able to hear me.. the New Guard was shocked because he sees you very close and gets my attention and I turn to look back.. I see YOU very close.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM and both of us falls On the Floor.. on the fours.. and I am looking at the ground.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU NIM.. MAH MAH.. I AM so sorry that YOU heard my words.. MAH MAH.. CONG JU MAH MAH.. PLEASE forgive Me.. Walking through the Garden is many flowers out in the field.. from Daises.. to roses.. Blue bonnets.. and Sun Flowers.. I see even the Dandelions all around and across this Field in the Garden.. I look at this One Flower as I am walking across the field and I stop.. It is my Favorite.. it is the Sun Flower.. when I see this Flower.. always seems to make me smile and I think of YOU.. because Not just being so Beautiful.. Not just being so sweet.. but My Heart is glad.. I get so Happy when I see this Flower because.. just the colors shines Out to reach into my Heart.. I would bend to lower.. I grab by the Stem.. I break it off.. I want to show YOU this heart of Mine.. I want to tell YOU.. For a long time.. I have been waiting for a day for YOU to show up.. I want to give this Flower to YOU.. I stand Up straight and I toward the Sun.. I wonder if YOU can help me.. Help me to call My Princess.. NEH CONJU NIM.. make this Day so SUNNY that My Princess.. YOU would come out to join me.. and I turn and I walk away from the Garden.. as I am walking Off.. I stop.. I see a Beautiful Horse.. and As I look Up.. I just can't believe.. when I look UP.. I see YOU.. I see the Princess.. and I would lower myself.. and bend.. CONG JU NIM.. I see many of the Servants.. Maid servants and male servants.. all the noble men and guards behind YOU.. even the Generals of the Palace all came out.. all Lowers themselves.. One of the Maid servants runs to Help YOU off this Horse.. and I am just breathe taken by Your Beauty.. I am wondering.. why to this Garden.. I am wondering.. from all the places out where the Princess.. YOU can go.. why here.. I am Just Nobody.. just a person who take cares of this Garden.. but My Heart.. what have you done to me.. I know I can't love YOU.. YOU are the Princess of the Palace.. YOU are the Chosen one to succeed to the Next in line.. but HOW.. I know this is going to Hurt me because I know I can't love YOU.. but.. I feel like I am going to love YOU any ways even though It will kill me.. CONG JU NIM.. CONG JU NIM.. I am looking at the ground.. what brings YOU here.. to this Low shabby Place.. there is another Garden.. But for the Royals.. council Noblemen and women.. for the Highs of this world.. Princess.. CONG JU NIM.. It is better for me to die for you to enter here.. I see YOU walk pass me by and go into this Garden.. My Heart.. It is going to bleed inside of me..

[@devinjo2318]

MAH MAH.. Princess.. what Happens if the King and the Queen finds Out.. YOU are not suppose to be here.. I turn around.. Looking to the ground.. I am a low born.. and YOU know that Your Father told you not to come here.. and WHY are you so Beautiful.. and It stops everyone and looks at me.. I am so Sorry.. But.. I just had to say from my Heart.. YOU are so Beautiful.. YOU are so Wonderful and so Lovely.. but.. YOU just can't come here.. can I please raise my head to see YOU.. and I see YOU telling my to go head and I look Up.. I am on my fours.. YOU are so Beautiful.. But.. Please.. this is Not the place for YOU.. and I look at YOU for the first time.. YOU have shaken me from the Inside.. My Heart tells me.. Stop looking.. it is Not meant for it to happen.. Lower and look at the ground.. and My Head goes down to look at the ground.. I hear your voice.. and YOU have asked me to be the guide here.. I am wondering.. is this what I just heard.. I am asking YOU that YOU should not go pass through.. But YOU want me to guide you around.. and take you around this garden.. and I get Up and stand to look.. YOU have to remember that my Father was also working at this Garden.. He was taken away from me.. He was taken to become a soldier.. he was only a foot solider and died on the battle field.. My Mother was taken to be a slave.. I was told to take care of this Garden.. I don't want this garden be taken away from me.. this is the only memories I have of my family line.. if you walk pass through and Your Father the King finds Out.. this Garden will be taken away from me.. I have lived all my life and worked for this garden.. I see YOU telling me to Go and be a Guide.. How am I suppose to explain if YOU are so Lovely.. if YOU are so Beautiful.. I am speechless.. my words.. I can't say a word.. LOOKING at you so close.. But as the Princess for the Nation.. I mean.. why here.. why to this Garden.. and I don't think you will see anything different from the Other Garden.. It has so much More.. and I would walk next to YOU.. I just can't stop staring.. YOU are so Beautiful.. I did hear about how the Princess.. CONG JU NIM is so Beautiful.. but looking at YOU so Close.. the words just can't come out.. and I see YOU stop by this One bed of flowers.. and I am looking at it.. I smile.. this is the Little Ones.. The Sun flowers I am growing.. it took me months to start to see the process of their Growth.. but they are my babies.. my children flowers.. and as I lift up the arm.. hand holding the Sun Flower.. This is the one that grew.. NOW mature and full grown.. ready to show YOU the Beauty of the Flower.. I see you turn your Head and you are looking at this Sun Flower.. DO you want to have this One.. I was thinking of YOU.. of course I have never seen you or met you before until Now.. But.. I was thinking of YOU Princess.. Cong JU NIM.. I was thinking and I pulled it off.. right when I turned and to leave to go somewhere.. YOU just came.. This One is for YOU.. would you like to take this with You.. this is the very first.. it grew in this garden.. My first to see a Sun Flower.. and Now.. it has matured and fully grown.. I waited for more months to see.. waited for the rain to come down.. for the Sun to rise up.. watching the Moon over.. as I would sit right here.. waiting for this Sun Flower to come alive.. Now.. this Flower.. the Sun Flower belongs to YOU.. I see your hand grab the Sun Flower.. and I see YOU smile.. Oh wow.. YOU are much more prettier.. More beautiful when YOU smile.. YOU make the Sun Flower cry because YOU are more prettier than She.. she will call YOU sun Flower instead.. BUT PRINCESS.. I am not sure how far YOU want to walk.. and I look at the Maid servants next to you.. a Man comes into the garden with a Message from the King.. and I see you.. My Princess.. My Cong JU NIM.. I see you look at me and I see you turn away as YOU walk away from this Garden.. I see YOU get ON the Horse.. I wish in my heart.. YOU can stay longer.. I really loved Your company.. enjoyed Your Presence.. even though it was just too short.. But I do really love Your smile.. it gets to my heart every time You Smile.. I want to cry because YOU are leaving Me.. I did not mean to say.. I did not mean to push YOU away.. it is because I am a low born man.. WHO can't give YOU anything.. who only knows about this Garden.. but another thing I do know is Love.. I know How to love YOU.. if YOU only can give me a chance.. Let me show YOU HOW a man like myself can Love YOU.. I want to love YOU.. would you let me love YOU.. I am watching the Horse getting smaller.. with a larger crowd of people following you from behind.. I wish that you can stay longer.. what would happen if you stay a little longer.. if you stayed.. I could of showed you another Flowers I love to watch and grow.. are you going to ever come back.. Are you going to stop by again.. I want to see YOU.. YOU are so beautiful.. and so Breathe taking beautiful.. as my hand touch my Chest.. and come.. so I can tell you what is in my heart and WHO be loving YOU right Now.. I be loving YOU.. no one else can Love YOU the way I do.. YOU can search and seek.. and GO.. try to find that person.. because In the end YOU know that it is going to be Me.. who loves YOU and Loves YOU again.. and Over again YOU will realize that I love you.. I know YOU be missing me too because YOU know how Much I love YOU and will Not Stop Loving YOU.. How much I love YOU.. and How much YOU mean to me.. Where are YOU.. I close both eyes and I go back to the Garden.. I need YOU.. CONGJU NIM.. My Princess.. Where are YOU.. I am at this Garden waiting for YOU.. CONG JU NIM.. Please come and allow Me.. give me the permission to Love YOU so that I can tell YOU.. that my Love is Not over yet.. it has just begun.. as I am looking down on the ground.. and I have stopped crying.. Just looking at this Sun Flower.. WHY did you leave this Flower like this.. WHY didn't you take him Home with YOU.. this SUN FLOWER belongs to YOU.. it is Not suppose to be here with me.. WHY.. tell me WHY did you leave this Flower here.. Now the Flower is dying slowly.. but Only YOU can bring it back alive.. I can hear the Foot steps walking.. Behind me I am hearing.. and grows louder every step of the way.. and As I hear the Steps stop.. I turn back my head to look.. I just can't believe it.. is my Eyes be lying.. am I suppose to see things I am not suppose to be seeing.. and My head looks UP.. and I see YOU.. It is My Princess.. CONGJU NIM.. I am on the fours.. head looking on the ground.. When did you get here.. Don't tell me that YOU heard my words speaking.. were you here for a Long time.. Tell me that YOU just came right Now.. and I hear your voice.. I lifted up my head.. and I got up.. and I showed you the Sketch Paper.. the Picture of YOU.. I am so sorry for being such a Fool.. I know that I was not suppose to have this with me.. I know that I am unable to have this with me.. If YOU want to take this Sketch Paper.. Picture of YOU.. YOU can have it.. YOU can take it with YOU.. I see that YOU gave it back.. and As I look at your eyes.. I know that YOU have to go soon but CONGJU NIM.. before YOU go.. Can I tell you something that I had in my heart for a Long time.. that I never stopped loving YOU.. and I was talking to this.. and my head back to look down.. the Sun Flower.. I was telling this Flower my Heart.. I was telling that Flower.. How much I loved YOU and Missed YOU.. wishing that YOU were here.. and I was torn in my heart for YOU to be leaving that Flower.. I gave you this Sun Flower for a reason.. to Smile on days are Hard.. difficult days will come.. but when YOU look at this Sun Flower.. He is going to say to YOU.. I love YOU.. because that is His Name.. His Name is I LOVE YOU because it came from My Heart giving it to YOU as the One who I love.. YOU know that I love YOU right.. YOU know that I missed YOU right.. I know that I am not Allowed to love YOU.. but I want to break the rules from Now On.. that it does not matter what Happens to me.. as Long as YOU give me this Permission to Love YOU.. that is the only ONE and Last request I am asking of YOU.. WILL you allow me to Love YOU.. Please.. give me the permission that I can Love you.. I am not asking YOU to ever love me.. YOU don't have too because I choose to Love YOU.. BUT Please allow me that I can because.. I do.. I do love you.. I never stopped loving you.. I want to love you right Now.. how about right Now.. tonight.. can I love you.. Please accept and give me YOUR Permission CONGJU NIM.. My Princess.. Princess.. the Princess of the Palace.. the Princess of the Nation to be the Next successor in the line.. the Cong JU NIM of this Nation just came to this Garden.. to the Low born garden.. and I would sit on the ground and started to cry.. as the tears.. two lines of tears flowing down my eyes.

[@avocado1405]

Aren’t your lives depressing and sad and sometimes unfortunate things happen? Everyone just talks about scheduling like there’s nothing on their platter to deal with like you were in italy yeah and why would you not like to do some research! My teo cats died recently my mother had a big surgery my professors are absolute craps im losing motivation like what about all that?

[@Jirayu.Kaewprateep]

📺💬 They talk about Thesis project this 300 books is my thesis 🥺💬 My thesis is 5 pages but mathematics equations and discovered, engineering subject do not compared pages amout because it is different topics. 🥺💬 I am learning from your program and I am not to make any defences anything same as everytime I do not to make any contrast point. 📺💬 Master degree is two and half year 🥺💬 There is no limited but the published event is on Febuary I need to present to IEEE and institute that is becasue they are not match of time and I am working at the time. Then stop to make contrast point. 🥺💬 You also experience to working thesis with world class organization you can tell them how hard it is to accept and process. that is why no time limited and standard of research is reach the fundamental you also had rewards I remembered. 📺💬 Yes it is really really hard. 🥺💬 That is because you can working on standard and potential become a teacher. 🥺💬 I can proved with more than conversation, I reach top ranks 200 on StackOverflow but they are stop me to do that as you can see rankings yesterday, some student talk to friends hey that one is Thailand see his face and profile my University. They make me loss this potential too. 📺💬 Topranks had Thailand this too. 📺💬 What happen after that 🥺💬 They keep do it until some University had better ranks I tell not about me but the University had better ranks before see that is not about me at all, friends understand met too. 📺💬 Understand you working also have rewards but it is performace costs and reading. 🥺💬 They intentin to translate that way IBM do not pay for no performance the same as some quesiton are you intented University mean I am working not attening any class not graduated from University or not they intented to translated it by that way see how it is English subject or intention?