How Mental Illness Derailed the Career of a Promising Young Skateboarder

Paul Alexander was a young British skateboarder full of charisma and drive. He discovered the opportunities of sponsorship, travelling and recognition during a move from Leicester to Bristol in his late teens. Living with professional skateboarder Danny Wainwright he became engulfed in the fun, responsibility free lifestyle that came with his chosen pursuit of becoming a pro skateboarder. Paul seemed destined for success then something came to get him, something he’d never experienced before that would take his personal goals and freedom far away from his grasp in a seemingly never ending battle. This is his story, directed by friend and skateboarding companion Tim Crawley.
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[@sleuth2077]

Alot of highly intelligent and creative people walk a fine line between reality and madness.

[@lilwitwicky4012]

sleuth 2077 the realist comment I've read today

[@larjkok1184]

sleuth 2077 No more so than average people.

[@chipperP]

sleuth 2077 Yep...... the old phrase: 'Genius is on the brink of insanity.'

[@matt23012301]

tehjamez skateboarding is extremely creative

[@2OH4GR33N3RY]

sleuth 2077 agree with you there

[@darylsmith5930]

"I was gonna be a pro skater, I was gonna make everyone proud and make everyone happy" - you did brother.

[@derektrotter4287]

👍

[@alvafrancis6743]

@Cal Rogers tf is your problem man?

[@uselessknxwledge5095]

@Cal Rogers bro pro athletes in general f****** useless they're entertainers take your shity ass comment and shove it back up your ass

[@guillaumecarteret1642]

Yes you accomplish the rider dream ! Big up hope you recover ! 🙏

[@rayquazza777]

@Cal Rogers and you’re a shitty critic

[@Cold_Corndog]

Being a prisoner in your own mind is the most terrifying thing anyone can experience. Not being able to trust your own thoughts. Its actual hell. My heart goes out to him.

[@darrenfair1734]

I know right, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone

[@187mrsmith]

I go through that every day unfortunately 😔

[@natemunoz6268]

Rs bro. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

[@admit2nothing]

You're absolutely right- hell. I would rather have some physical ailment rather than something that is intangible and nebulous torturing my mind.

[@x1plus1x]

When he said "I didn't have any charisma left in me". I felt that. I miss me.

[@jerrypaulwhite]

💯

[@paulmartha7883]

You still you bruh

[@JR-pf7kk]

Me too bro, me too

[@judiahdavis2436]

Bruh stfu with your pity party on KZbin

[@thatcoolkidchris9965]

Same. Same. Same.

[@youtubisashoe]

People wanna use your energy when you up but nobody wants to give you theirs when you down

[@youtubisashoe]

Lost My AK47 all of life is just a rephrased comment

[@Talk2MeNice]

It’s true. They’re only your friends out of pure convenience and personal gain.

[@youtubisashoe]

Saitama _ sure it is you’re just too young and/or dumb to comprehend it yet

[@Notsure53]

@Saitama _ you won't understand

[@dnaitch7367]

issue here is how society is under the system. capitalism does not want you to develope any solidarity or cooperation. and that's my take, proven time and time and comment after comment.

[@dankmheems290]

People say they care but the minute you say you're depressed or bi-polar they take 2 steps back away from you.

[@SwedishZkills]

People don't know how to act around people with mental illness. And in a lot of cases a person with mental illness push people out of their lifes thinking they arent worth the effort. It becomes a negative feedback loop.

[@davidli9070]

@@SwedishZkills Damn, so much truth in this..sadly..

[@munterboy9298]

My wife is bipolar it's very hard t on deal with her

[@alishastokes3990]

Or borderline (me)

[@thegamingchannel9023]

@@alishastokes3990 same here bordeline and depresion it suck's

[@AnxiousDerek]

This hits home so hard. I went through a really bad mental illness for years. Had to quit skateboarding, and although I wasn’t as good as he is, it’s literally the only thing I wanted to do. Felt fine for a wee bit, and then it sprung up again. I always find myself coming back to this video, and it makes me miss skateboarding even more. Best of luck to you all struggling out there 👊🏼

[@tyriquedampier8133]

Same to you sir. Same to you ❤

[@jerrypaulwhite]

God Bless ♥️

[@OGbluetooth_]

Same to you bro, maybe we're gonna start skating again one day

[@AnxiousDerek]

@@OGbluetooth_ I’m just waiting for the day to come to skate again. I hope you feel better soon 👊🏼

[@henning3692]

Hello, I just want to say a few things. Im a shizophrenic with mostly only negative sympthomes. I dont hear or see things who are not there, but at the peak of the illness it feeled like my mind got seperated from my body. Also it feeled like my personality got burst in little fragments, and that im slowly fall apart. At one point i feeled like a ghost and not like a real person anymore (cant describe it better). I made the phonecall myself, who put me in a hospital for mental ilness. This was like 6 years ago. I used to do a lot of workout back in the day, but the illness took this all from me (included job and apartment). I realy was on the point zero...i got nothing left but my friends. They where always standing by my side and never left me, even in the hardest times, and i will never forget this. It was the hardest fight of my life, to stand up against the insanity in my head and slowly pushing it back in a small corner of my mind. But now i come back to life...i dont need my medication anymore, and also found my way back to workout, and it feels like one of my best victorys ever. And now some words for the people who dont understand what its like to deal with this kind of shizophrenic mindset: It feels like hell on earth, it feels like you drowning in yourself and there is nothing you can do. You dont want to give up, but at the same time you cant fight this enemy because its you. Nothing you ever learned about life make sense in this moment. You are traped in yourself, and a world of pure chaos. Nothing someone says to you, can realy find a way trough your body to your heart, because your whole body first crys in never ending agony, and then get numb to shield himself. As i said its like your personal hell on earth, designed to put you to your knees. But never give up....when you give up, you will never know if its getting better. And for me it worked out very well. Years ago i never had believed someone who said, i would be in such good condition again as im today. I know its hard, and it will take all of your strengh, but fight for your life. Keep your head up, and if you fall stand up and tell yourself and the world you will never bow. Stiff up this underlip little soldier, straight up, dont be sad because you think you fight this fight alone, you realy dont.

[@AnnaPxx]

See how important it is to have a good, supportive family background. After his wild years he could go back to live with his mother in a nice house, without having to worry about food, clothes, medical care, emotional support. I wish him all the best, and that he'll be able to find his spark again.

[@mordie31]

Extremely important.

[@conservat1vepatr1ot]

This dude didn’t have a single real friend back then. That must have hurt him so deeply.. I wish him the best and I hope his life is better now.

[@entic432]

He had plenty of friends, did you watch the video? Wtf are you talking about?

[@conservat1vepatr1ot]

Louis Mustards Real friend. “Tf” I’m talking about is that they treat him like he no longer exists. I hope you have only experienced real friends and not the reverse point of view, where you only have opportunists posing as friends in your life. Best wishes beautiful person.

[@Lazy_Prophet]

Did I miss something, cause everyone keeps saying the same thing, that his friends ditched him? Just because they only interviewed 2 of them(1 was his brother though I think) doesn't mean he doesn't have friends.

[@Lazy_Prophet]

@Zack Young lol, how is that clear, just because they didn't show them? Of course there's always guys that you're not very close with that will disappear, and I'm sure he chose who he wanted to stay in contact with.

[@shonefiggins406]

I can relate. I quit drinking almost 2 years ago. You find out who cares about you real quick. Although I isolated myself for 3 years when I got healthy again all the homies acted and still act distant

[@swisstrader]

So much respect for Paul’s mother when she says at the end something about “thankfully he has his skateboarding to fall back on as a release”. Most mothers wouldn’t recognize that.

[@anneharo001]

Maybe your mother. Most parents are aware of things like that

[@interceptingfist5682]

@@anneharo001 not really

[@austinmartinez2312]

@@anneharo001 most? Not at all man.

[@slimmie85]

@@anneharo001 I agree. The good parents anyways and I'm just keeping it real.

[@humanblockhead5726]

NYC Entrepreneur My mom was a total bitch ! Never accepted me but my step sister who’s dad has money was always loved by mom even thow she treated her like shit 😒 haven’t spoken to her in yrs and what’s sad is that it’s probably for the best as a black sheep you get tired of being put down but fuck it I love my life even thow nobody does 🍻cheers mate

[@egodeathhappiness9056]

Paul Alexander: “I feel like I’m still the same person.“ Not only you are Still the same person, a stronger version

[@TomeRodrigo]

well said

[@teigemaddrell1769]

Powerful doc & a sad depiction of how debilitating personal traumas can be when you not only don’t know how, or have the tools, to respond in a positive way, being kind to urself, but too easily find solace in self-harm: isolating urself & getting baked. Your self esteem, self worth & understanding of who you are as a person disappears. As do your friendships

[@justuschester4602]

Sad to say what I’m experiencing rn but this video helped me a bit one day at a time

[@si-kv8er]

@@justuschester4602 hope you’re doing better now brother

[@aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh]

"I'm never gonna give up skating, and I'm never gonna give up trying to get myself well." After 15 years of mental health problems, losing the love of his life and the career he always wanted to have, this guy is still determined not to give up what he loves and to keep striving to be a better person. Pure, unadulterated beauty. This man is an inspiration to me.

[@timcrawley1525]

+aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh thats a fucking rad comment :)

[@clemethyne]

+aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh Yes, I would have to agree. He's an exceptional guy all around.

[@adam.h9774]

+aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh Couldnt of put it better myself. Respect Paul

[@user-do1wv3ve1n]

Great by Vice, mental health touches us all one way or another Lived too hard too young maybe ? Hope your feeling better bro, good luck🤙🏼

[@r.d.6565]

It ain't over till the fat lady sings. Keep going Paul!!!!

[@coldpolarbear]

The way they spoke about him and reminisced the memories they had with him, I genuinely thought he was dead until they interviewed him at 6:12

[@mankuro]

It's crazy how fake people are. Guarantee if he made it big his ''bros'' would have stuck around

[@yakigesher-zion7289]

Same, I was confused

[@yakigesher-zion7289]

Same, I was confused

[@bmxb182]

Same.

[@BeHempy]

@@mankuro To everyone hating on the friends: One of my best friends from high school was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his mid 20s after a long decent into madness. We used to kick it all the time. I'm telling you it's super hard to maintain a friendship when someone changes like that. It literally gets to the point to where I didn't feel completely safe being around them because they could flip like a switch saying some really crazy shit. A couple times he even went on rants about how it was my fault his life was fucked up now. Like to the point where I thought it was possible he could go on a murder spree while I was sleeping. We're still in contact here and there but TBH I don't think I would be comfortable having him around anymore.

[@stephfrench5228]

I hope he's ok today, he seems like a genuinely good guy.

[@jessicahaywood1513]

he lives near me bless him he seems really troubled guy he hates phones being out because he believes people are filming him and he hates it a lot i feel so bad for him

[@mikey-bz4it]

The sadiest part of this is when hes laughing about the movie he thought he was in and you can see it on his face that everyone in the room were just shaking their heads feeling sorry for him

[@nerdman67]

These guys ain’t homies. Homies got your back, they stick with you even through the hardest times. He may be a different person today, but if they were his homies they’d still have his back

[@maoriinthecity101]

They were just kids bro. Not everybody knows how to help people going through shit

[@user-zl8bu3pk6p]

They cant. Facilities are strict as fuck and they havent seen him in a long time

[@bauple4288]

Ness H what made you come to that conclusion that because some people abandoned their friend it’s down to being British

[@user-pe2yx9kt4e]

Bauple I do think it’s a part of the culture...

[@bauple4288]

Fesjeklngs Csalkjv I haven’t heard that but maybe it’s because I am British and I’m a phoney who knows

[@waynecampbell8531]

Bro, I thought he was dead for the first 6 minutes because of the way his friends talk about him.

[@zerosleep657]

Me too 😂🤣🤦🏼‍♂️

[@terminaldeity]

Because they were talking about the past...

[@waynecampbell8531]

terminaldeity thanks for clarifying, cheese dick.

[@roomkaaas]

Looooool me too omg

[@dalebaker6862]

It's the way the documentary has portrayed him.

[@xxcocomariexx]

What a beautiful, wild, honest, vulnerable/open person. I understand so much of the words you spoke and I appreciate your vulnerability. Absolutely amazing

[@camilacmvet]

I come from a history of mental illness in my family. I was hospitalised for panic attacks and psychosis. I know somehow what he went through and I would like to suggest that whenever mental illness develops into symptoms, most people are afraid and somehow do not stick with a "friend". I thought I was friendly enough that people around me would stay by my side through maybe the worst that ever happened to me. I lost my career, my relationship, my home, moved back to my mom's place. I was suicidal. Thankfully I was lucky enough to have a family that could provide for me. I have cousins that are not so lucky and cannot afford therapy and medication. Their friends are gone. I guess the only friends I kept were the ones that met me before I got sick. I developed an extreme fear of socialising and opening up to new friendships. People don't get it. And most of them blame on drug abuse instead of a genetic condition. . . If you know anyone that suffers from mental illness, try to help by guiding them to seek medical treatment and therapy, please.

[@murderinc.hunting7686]

His friends keep referring to him in past tense. No wonder he's ill. They act like he's dead. Seems once his skateboarding career slowed down his friends bounced.

[@MrFrankyGification]

Happens with a lot of sub-culture hobbies. I've known kids who were monsters at things like bboying or tricking and you could tell while other people were good, there was something different about the way these kids did it. Unfortunately for one of them as soon as he had a career ending injury that was it, most people left him. It's sad, but there's not much I could personally do about it as we ended our friendship on bad terms far before that, but seeing his posts one can tell that there's a hole in the dude's life now that his era is over.

[@Jay-407]

He probably isolated himself and ignored his friends like most depressed people tend to do

[@damng3248]

Murder Inc. Hunting they are talking about the old him. people tend to be a new person after depression.

[@johnnyguit-fiddle2088]

Hell yeah. I've met a lot people like that. I've got really bad depression, so its taken me away from hobbies and people I love for long periods of time. I've only got two people in my life that have stayed with me my whole life, regardless of what's happened in it. They were my friends before everything and they've been there after. Much love to my friends, fuck fake ones.

[@eyerealeyezd9238]

This one. Reading the comments between you two i felt understood there, they experience what i do sn have came to the same findings

[@brandonnumbskull58]

These dudes are talking like the mans dead, he’s still around, go kick it with em,

[@bru-uh6868]

That's because the person he use to be died. The person they use to remember no longer exist.

[@deesep]

@@bru-uh6868 well, everyone deserves a second chance in this life, if not, how he could be able to get out of this situation? We are nothing without interacting each other

[@dylandualsport1462]

Yea his mates suck. If he had a friend to talk to ya know and skate with

[@Carl6801force]

Oh shit I thought he died 2 btw they were talking.

[@krazy13tdot]

Fuck ya this dudes talk their regret but can't pay the man a visit, wack

[@gheaven79]

I first watched this video years ago and today remembered it and had to search and find it. I recently have been struggling so bad with my mental health, the worst it’s ever been in my life. I am in a partial hospitalization program and am really just wanting to feel better. Me and my girlfriend of 5 years just split and I just feel that I’m spiraling. I have reached out to many of my friends and family and am hoping things get better soon. Sometimes I feel good and I want those times to stay around. So grateful for this video and all those who have shared their stories in the comments. We are not alone ❤

[@cloudfart2672]

This is so strange because he reminds me soooo much of my brother. His looks, his personality, mannerisms. This really made me miss him more than I already did. I should give him a call. I hope this man Paul is doing well. With mental delusions and paranoia myself I really connect with him and feel his pain. It’s scary not knowing what’s going on in your own head. This comment took a turn but best wishes to him xx

[@juliannah5721]

This should also bring to everyone's attention how often we let our boys and men down when they suffer from mental illness. We have to do better.

[@stevegwizzle3560]

Thank you......

[@mellowwild]

I agree.

[@adee9395]

Great attitude ;)

[@johnd9357]

Men aren’t allowed to talk about our problems. If we don’t talk about them we’re being “stoic because of our toxic masculinity” and if we do talk about it then we “should just toughen up and act like a man.” It’s no wonder men are killing themselves in droves now. Men, especially our young men, are the forgotten.

[@aninverse]

As long as mental illness and weakness remain connected in our collective mindsets, for most young men it will continue to be suicide to reveal themselves as struggling inside.

[@handleiguesss]

OH GOD, I was so relieved when Paul showed up at 6:16 lol. The way they were talking about him up to that point made it sound like he was dead!

[@RockMetal120]

Especially when they interviewed "childhood friends" and whatnot first :D

[@kamillaribeiro6525]

I KNOW!!!!!!!!!

[@demonflowerchild]

SAME

[@Ruby_2470]

I came straight to the comments and yours was the exact one I was looking for!! Thank you, I thought for sure he had passed or taken his life. So happy he is still here so, talented!!

[@childofthemosthigh5485]

Hell yea.... i actually skipped to the end to read ....GOD IS GOOD PAUL .✊🏾❤

[@liamsargent]

I still see paul and speak to him on the phone occasionally, i used to go school with paul, and he lives in the same village as me, really lovely genuine guy, not sure on the state of his mental health right now, but i hope hes doing ok........i must give him a call and meet him for a pint, i will try and show him some of these comments.

[@BillRemski]

When my illness hit back in 1996 I lost all my friends and most of my family. The drugs they have me on have robbed me of my physical health. Without the net my life would be almost like solitary confinement. I hope Paul, and the people like us, can find some real friends in this fucked-up world.

[@danielfahimislam3166]

What kind of meds did they put you on?

[@GlassGenius]

The skating was amazing..... but that stuff he was doing laying on his back was fucken incredible! I went straight outside to try it and got a board to the head.

[@FRBYND]

Lol ya I was thinking that's what would happen to me. Haha funny shit. Buddy had a natural gift and it was all swept out from under him before anyone could get help.

[@softcoreplebgaming9674]

@@FRBYND a natural gift as what? As turning boards upsides down? Don't make him bigger than he ever was. He was just good at running a board with wheels and getting high. Now he got what he deserves

[@Jracula_]

SoftcorePleb Gaming your name perfectly describes your character, a soft core pleb, how dare you man

[@rambler1964]

@@softcoreplebgaming9674 and have you tried skating yourself? other than just riding down the pavement and getting off to step off the curb?

[@jmz2144]

Right? That's impressive

[@alaura61489]

As a mentally I'll person myself the greatest thing your illness takes away from you are your relationships. Everyone says talk about your troubles but the second you do people start ghosting you.

[@DerAngriff]

I've become very sus of the so called health profession, including mental health. Some of those drugs they put mentally ill people on are insane in terms of the side effects. I won't pretend to have the answers here but those pharmaceutical drugs are themselves very dangerous. I'm also very wary of the power that the State has over people with health issues. Far too many people put faith in a system that has repeatedly shown to be untrustworthy, even though there are legitimate good people within it. It's bigger than them. Modern society and our degenerate culture has become incredibly isolating for so many people, that those sensitive to it can become affected by it. All the best to you in your struggles.

[@jackpickford4990]

Fucking hell man I can't relate to anything more than this comment

[@lultopkek]

@@DerAngriff SO TRUE

[@michaelseeker9680]

@@DerAngriff You know exactly that's what it is dude.

[@christianh4723]

@@DerAngriff Reality is that most of the antipsychotic drugs are horribly under-researched and unproven, *and* the systems used to diagnose something as nebulous as psychosis (not to mention its causes in the brain) are completely under-developed at this point in human history. Honest medical professionals will admit this.

[@eli_waltz9997]

It made me so happy to see the clip of him fakie pressure flip revert and talking about how he wants to prove it to his friends that he is well and the same person he was and those friends being the ones that abandoned him in the hardest times of his life

[@etherealmist76]

What he said at the end was beautiful and inspiring... This video helped me to understand a bit better knowing that I struggle too... Thank you

[@boofcat6804]

Again, another example of old vice being god tier compared to what they are like now...

[@raredash6057]

yeah, miss those days :(

[@ALCRAN2010]

Once Trump is gone the entire world can go back to the usual pre2016.

[@Skankhunt-uy3sk]

ADMA leftists will never stop complaining I’m sure there will be another 4 years.

[@ALCRAN2010]

@@Skankhunt-uy3sk , "I am The Chosen One" -45. lmao

[@Skankhunt-uy3sk]

ADMA oh god you have tds should have known

[@AikiraBeats]

He's a really dope skater got mad respect for him

[@fvckdet9739]

henry medina you are clearly the bitch here

[@ralphiemcdingus2075]

Henry Medina doesnʻt deserve to live.

[@geo9345]

ok

[@j.b.j.b.7435]

damn you got cheese you should prolly take your nasty self to the Dr

[@MirkoMatarazzo]

Erica Harris HE WAS*

[@kristineclark43]

Wow you should be super proud of your self. It isn't easy to admit a mental illness and then try to get help for it and honestly in 2022 people need more help with mental health and it seems harder to get that. To hear Paul say he is going to keep helping himself with therapy is amazing. Good for you. All the best of luck. Let me just say for what it is worth I think you have probably made your circle of friends and family very proud. Keep fighting and skating. Positive vibes your way ❤️ Kris 🇨🇦 🙏🛹🛹

[@mookymark]

My old skate surf ski mates are long gone...left me for dead but i am still alive and very much enlivened...always been a bit mental but travel has always been the best medicine...I feel for Paul and his struggle...bless you mate

[@lindseyluna13]

Mental illness could derail anyone's career, life, relationships. It's sad because unlike other illnesses there is a higher amount of stigma and shame involved which can prevent people from reaching out for support and help. :(

[@ThatGuy-hc2ei]

Next time you will be more prepared adriank1223, but hopefully there won't be a next time. I have battled with the demons of depression and anxiety for about 12 years now, and as you say, the shame leaves after a while. There comes a time when you just can't walk around feeling ashamed anymore. You just have to embrace the fact that you're ill and need help. But it's been easier the last few years, it's easier to live with the depression and anxiety. In the beginning you're just fucking lost, you don't understand why your chest hurts or your hands are all shaky. Why the dark thoughts hunts you wherever you go. It's so important to get help in an early stage. All of you suffering from mental illness out there, stay strong!

[@Shyguyexplores]

+Lindsey Luna Geez. Because he was saying weird shit, they put him in a mental hospital for 3 months. Everybody says weird shit once in a while. In the beginning of this documentary, his friend even said they were getting high all the time, smoking marijuana. Marijuana is a hallucinogen. It's going to make people daydream a little. some people more so, especially if the guy goes without sleep for several days straight, which is exactly what he said happened. What a money making joke. we need a law passed saying any time they show someone like this, they must reveal how much money the psychiatrists and the hospitals made off him. Folks, you are looking at a guy who suffered the temporary side effects of drug use. Even the psychology books say that is not a mental illness. Drug use has to be ruled out in order for a mental illness diagnosis to be made., What a scam. Everyone is scared to go up against the psychology field, mostly for fear they themselves might be deemed crazy by someone in that field. What a crock of shit. This famous skateboard champion was doing drugs and went without sleep. He then talked about the excessive daydreaming he experienced, which was caused by the drugs, which means it is not a mental illness.

[@ThatGuy-hc2ei]

It does say he's been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.

[@Amoncaco]

Lindsey Luna Physical illnesses can also derail anyone's career...

[@ThatGuy-hc2ei]

lennygel666 The video is not about psysical illness.

[@michaelortiz5219]

I feel so strongly for this man. It's been almost 4 years since mental illness messed up my life. Many people think I'm not the person I used to be and that hurts. It really does become a cycle if it's not recognized and treated right away.

[@bulletcurtain]

+Edgar Ordaz Speaking from experience with my own mental illness, there's no such thing as a cure, just mitigation.

[@killyourego1983]

+bulletcurtain My experience ...stabilization in my case. and lot of up and downs.

[@gandalfthewhite9864]

+88thetruth88 be strong brother you are still the old you its been 4 years for me as well .

[@gandalfthewhite9864]

+John Yin 4 years ago for me man strange how it feels like decades when its going on feeling like your being watched and messed with by invisible enemies .

[@gandalfthewhite9864]

+bulletcurtain true going to the hospital does not help it only prolongs the moving forward part of your life

[@JM-jd6wj]

Can we please get a 2020 update?

[@Tony-dm4oy]

Awesome fantastic i like it. Like this style of skating very clean and chill. Just turned 39 wish I started back when i was a bit younger. I bought my first board a couple of days ago and I feel pain and Soreness in places I never knew. The reason I picked up skateboarding is because I admire skaters for what they do how hard It is to learn this craft of art. I admire the fact that you guys never give up and the discipline that Has to go into learning the tricks and staying consistent, and also the athleticism that goes into it. I would say this is a true sport. Just to learn to balance your self or keeping the board from popping out from under myself or learning how to fall and overcoming The constant failure is a humbling experience. Much respect to all of you who Paved the path And inspiring people like me that you would never expect to pick up skating. Thank you guys for all the footage I think the skating Community is very genuine. all the videos that are uploaded teaching people how to learn and inspiring people will not go un rewarded God sees the heart. I just want to say for those whether you believe or not God has seen every tear and was there every time you Fallen, And he loves you so much that he gave his only son just for you. I am genuinely sincere when I say that God has truly transformed me from the man I used to be if you knew my life you would believe in God and in his son. I pray that whoever reads this message that the true and only God opens your heart and that Jesus Creator of everything, knocks on The door of your heart And that you hear his voice and let him in so that he can transform your life as well. I just want to make a point also for those who don’t believe and are skeptical wherever you’re at in your life or for whatever reason you don’t choose to believe because it is a choice!. understand that God sees everything and knows everything and he knows every thought you have and everything you’ve ever done he was there Every time you fell, every time you cried every time you felt rejected every time you thought about taking your own life the reason you’re still here it’s only because he Wants you to know him, not to force us not to condemn us but to show us why we exist and why did he create us to know your true identity is to know God who created you. And what’s really important also and I’m pretty sure we all ask ourselves this very question. Hell some people believe we are living in it some people don’t care some people think how can my life get any worse well according to the Bible it’s a place of torment constant torment for eternity, Have you ever heard the saying you don’t know what you had until you’ve lost it. Have you ever had something that means so much to you that you didn’t really consider I thought about it until it was gone and you realize how much you needed that person or whatever it might be. Sometimes we just don’t realize it until it’s too late just like my mom when I lost her I didn’t really appreciate what it was to have my mother until I lost her. We get so soft absorbed and selfish sometimes in our lives when we’re going through things that we fail to realize the good things. You end up wrapping yourself in self-pity and depression in darkness which becomes more of your friend then the reality of those that got put in your life to shine light into it. What would this world be without the sun without the stars without the rain without the birds the trees and animals without people use your imagination and see where I’m going with this. Imagine a place without love without being loved a place without no light. A place where I Hope you can’t skateboard in hell Because there’s nothing there Torment and there’s no hope of ever getting out. And that’s why God because of his love for us not knowing any better gave his only son That whoever believes in him will not perish. The Bible says that the we were yet sinners Jesus Christ of Nazareth out for us on the cross. God is not a man that he would lie there is no light or darkness in him. Acknowledge him and honor him and believe what he says about giving his only son and that if you believe in his son that you will not perish but have everlasting life. It’s a free gift why would you say no to your creator who wants you to spend eternity with him. The reason he gave his son for your sins is because it’s impossible for us to earn it ourselves, you can’t earn mercy you can’t earn salvation and you can earn forgiveness, it is freely given you can’t wash away your own sins there had to be a sacrifice a perfect sacrifice for you and for everyone who believes. And that sacrifices is Jesus Christ of Nazareth. The Bible says that if anyone calls upon the name of the Lord they shall be saved! I did it when I was 18 years old and two years later I don’t know how? I ended up giving my life to the Lord and chose to put my trust and believe any he has never left me or for sake in me no matter how many times I messed up. If you get down to this part of the message then I do believe that God is opening up your heart. You might ask yourself why am I even saying all of this? why do people put billboards on their bodies representing companies that their only interest is to make money off of you to use you they don’t even care. but I represent him who needs no representation I choose to represent him because of my choice To testify as a witness to the miracle I am today. If I said I had the cure for the coronavirus everybody would pay attention and if I said that cure is Jesus Christ would you still listen, would you believe? the Bible says that It is impossible to please God without faith. How much faith does it take to jump 15 stairs on a piece of stick Hoping when you get to the bottom that you land on it how much faith it takes even when it doesn’t meet you where you expected too, you continue to have faith that it will one day! put that same faith into God and see what happens

[@squidwardtentacles74]

I remember doing this when I was younger. Doing it every day ruined my life and people started to ridicule me for my bad decisions. My friends finally stepped in and I was able to stop pushing mongo.

[@andrewr.8884]

Lmfao I'm dead

[@samibach5222]

Squidward Tentacles if people are ridiculing you don’t be around them. You don’t need to change your lifestyle to impress anybody. Your right, whatever your doing is right.

[@stephenxramirez]

Do

[@younishijazi4986]

Sam ibach he was joking. He is saying pushing mongo is wrong. Which it is. Pushing with ur foot on the back if the board

[@tomsullivan5663]

@@samibach5222 troll post. Wants a reaction

[@jtmnavy]

One of my favorite Vice docs

[@FifaKiddd]

broo

[@emmajackson1028]

I can't believe jt commented on a video I was watching

[@chuey6725]

JTsuits indeed

[@buddyholly4170]

Pooooppppppaaaaaaa!!!!

[@ollieshenton7564]

Happy Apple pure disrespect man, no need

[@krzysztofcylwich2817]

Ive watched this many times,and it just gives me so much motivation to make things right with my mental health.This guy knows he will make it, and i know that I will too.

[@911callyamom5]

You got this holmes peace and love🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

[@krzysztofcylwich2817]

@@911callyamom5 Im doing amazing now, taking sertraline since march. My quality of life is better than ever before. Time and hard work heals😎

[@M4KERB]

One day at a time, it's all we can do. I feel your battle. Stay strong, that was some of the best skateboarding I have ever seen, so clean, so fluid.

[@scottend5239]

Any of his friends that said what a great guy he was and how they all loved to be around him, but now can't even give him a visit are scumbugs.

[@RobotronSage]

innit though and the ironic part is that the mental health ward (where Alex is obviously staying at the time this was filmed) looked like it was at most 10 minutes down the road from his friends and/or local skatepark....

[@jackjohns9580]

His friends are one of the main triggers for the deterioration of his mental state over time. An acute condition was prolonged into a chronic state because of the alienation from peers. Sorry had to say it man

[@HitTheBricks89]

@@RobotronSage The facility is in Leicester , it's almost 300 miles from where he was skating in Bristol. Also his name is Paul

[@HitTheBricks89]

@@jackjohns9580 And what makes you so sure it wasn't Paul who pulled away , isolated and couldn't deal with seeing other people. This is more often than not one of the symptoms of a mental illness

[@jackjohns9580]

@@HitTheBricks89 you have a valid point. Any personality shifts hinting at a mental illness will likely lead to self destruction or alienation away from others is a crucial attempt for a person crying out for help but too prideful to admit need for the help.

[@bmorris6653]

I lost my little brother Evan, who was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Thank you Paul for having the courage to speak out publicly about your diagnosis, and for letting people know just how scary it can feel at times. You have a great talent and, beyond that, you are an inspiration to all of us who have been affected either directly or indirectly by mental illness. Keep your head up man and never lose hope!

[@Elite-bh6pm]

+B Morris Well said, I second that.

[@timcrawley1525]

+B Morris glad we could reach out to you mate - all the best

[@GuyFromInternet00]

+Archer Ⓥ ok let me stop you right there and get a few things out of the way: 1: YES marijuana can speed up the mental illnes of someone who alredy is ill or was going to be ill later in life (it runs in the family) 2: NO marijuana has not been proven to be the *cause* of any mental illness. it is merely a trigger of what was alredy there.

[@RocketmanRockyMatrix]

+B Morris Tell him to try empower plus. A lot of mental illness is caused by vitamin deficiency.

[@southerndiscomfort171]

this came up at the right time for me. what he said at the end is what anyone with mental health issues wants for the people around them: peace of mind. i feel like a burden having everyone have to live their own lives but also make sure im ok all the time. i want to get better so everyone can just stop worrying so much

[@EuroDollarYen_]

Can we get an update on Paul? I've watched this when I got sectioned and it kinda helped understand that I'm not alone with this. I just hope he is alive and well.. Thank you guys for doing this doco. This was super strong. 🚀

[@SeoulSon51]

A nollie backside flip 360 after all that. Dude was and still is very gifted.

[@youtumor360]

yoooo that was insane

[@AlgoCurioso4]

I’ve been in that place. It really hurts and many don’t understand, so I usually isolate myself. Thinking about how I used to be, makes things worse. At this moment I’m stable, but when it hit, it hit hard and make me perceive my surroundings in a different way. Sadly not in a good way. We don’t decide to live like this, but accepting it and being open about it (with people that you trust) made things easier for me.

[@elsevanloeneln667]

Did it hitting it also brought you something good? After my 1th psychose things in my life really changed for the better....it brought me to the ground in a hard but good way.

[@bananaswag7928]

I feel that it hurts

[@chiefbeef2059]

I wish u the best in the future 🙏

[@goldenace8847]

Watch this to basically "get rid" of your past. I used to have depression from living too much in the past maybe this can help you: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mXe8nWuKi7OqnZo

[@badmdfker]

@@goldenace8847 this video is awesome, thank you man. I started to read a book by Joe Dispenza about thing like this but i never realized how much meditation can heal until i found your comment and watched the vid. Sorry for my poor english, i hope the best for your life man cheers

[@gabepilled]

They ain’t real homies talkin about him like he’s dead

[@skatergirlera]

This was so beautiful and relatable, as I skateboard and recently got out of the mental hospital, i feel like my family have their guard up with me all the time because they're afraid I'll go into an episode again. And i did lose some of my charisma after the hospital visits too. Does paul have any type of social media or email? I want to let him know how much his story has helped me.

[@justuschester4602]

I can relate so much to this dam truth hurts when you realize it about yourself that your struggling and trying to find ways to overcome it

[@CatchTheBus]

When he talks about walking around the city at night unable to sleep, feeling like a zombie...I think that hits home for everyone who has ever suffered from insomnia for prolonged time.

[@peterchris88]

sebaswildboy and your friends can’t relate or fathom what’s going on.

[@stevenfriedman143]

Peter Chris all my friends that stay up until 3am playing video games then cant sleep are like “OMG I HAVE INSOMNIA IT SUCKS” and i want to beat the shit out of them

[@user-sx8ut6eo2i]

CheddarJohn I can’t imagine being friends with losers like that

[@stevenfriedman143]

Stage ye i stopped talking to them because they were rlly snobby and obnoxious

[@peterchris88]

CheddarJohn What Paul Alexander went through and is ongoing is very scary. I wish him well

[@TheKaveshan]

mental illness can destroy you..can kill you..nothing hurts more than psychological pain..remember when my ocd really started getting bad and I started getting depression... dropped out of uni at 20..25 now..few months away from graduation..best advice I can give to those suffering...meditate...meditate and meditate.... will take years but you'll finally start owning your brain

[@vinhtrivu8612]

DurbanCharo seek our Lord savior Jesus Christ in despondent times

[@TheKaveshan]

VinhTri Vu lol its a waste of time..no way will God will help you..defeats the purpose of our existence if God is intervening 24/7...anyway there's millions suffering, why should I be prioritised ..

[@caerulea0]

DurbanCharo dude I was in exactly the same boat, I dropped out for a year due to my depression getting really bad. Paranoia and anxiety overwhelmed me until I eventually realised it was OCD, I needed a year to fucking step back and be like okay I'm not well right now but I will get better and I can do things despite this illness. Keep going people don't let it define you, and don't listen to people who tell you that you're weak because you have a complex mind

[@TheKaveshan]

caerulea0 once you break out of that mental illness zone, only then do you realize how fucked up your brain was

[@hellomyst]

What abt those ocd memes around the internet? To be honest im mad about that as a sufferer. do you?

[@metanoiavision4365]

We still love you Paul!!!! Keep yourself healthy as best as you can buddy! Peace be with you and God Bless!!! Prayers for you man 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙂

[@SaberRider_LP]

I look this Video 2 Seconds, and I know this guy is closer to my heart than anybody else. Why it feels like he is family ✌️

[@alexthelegoguy4504]

You know someone cares when they say I hope everyone else is alright after dealing with me and my mental issues. True character!

[@MsBhappy]

A true empath and sensitive guy

[@austinmartinez2312]

Usually the ones who are at rock bottom or on their way they can empathize with anyone who is going through hell

[@koryk9354]

@@austinmartinez2312 Because the hell that happens to people randomly, is what we deal with everyday. It's a release for us.

[@romelgonzales8444]

@@koryk9354 I dont like your explanation.

[@silent_bob_]

Any kind of mental illness is a major problem for the person suffering it, even if they realize they are ill or not. Took me a while to figure out that I'm not well. Just thought that that's who I am, don't like people, stay at home alone, whatever, didn't realize I had social anxiety. Everything fucked up in 12'th grade. With stress thrown into the game my shit got wrecked. No sleep, felt like shit, felt like I had no friends, avoided people. Walked around in my little black bubble wishing I was dead. Social anxiety was worse than ever. Summer gave time to relax, but Uni came and that was that. Hated that university. In a dark pit for months. Drinking and smoking to feel better, even for a few hours. No one ever knew how close I was to killing myself. Till this day only two or three people know. Feeling ok today, don't want to get deeper into the topic, still makes me feel like shit. If you ever need someone to talk to about your problem, and don't feel like telling anyone you know, maybe this site will help: www.7cupsoftea.com/ Helped me from falling into depression again. If someone you know or is a friend seems a bit out of shape, down all the time, go check if they are ok, no one ever did for me.

[@DookLeto]

+K.H. thats the rough thing, often when people 'arent fun anymore' or they have problems people dont want to deal with, they can be left alone to deal with it.

[@silent_bob_]

I felt that sometimes. Even one of the people I told admitted to avoiding me because I looked too serious, wasn't too fun to be around with and too gloomy at times.

[@DookLeto]

its understandable, young people often want to have fun all the time and not think about the darker side of life, or the fragility of the human condition.

[@silent_bob_]

And that's how it should be. Having fun and youthful ambition, the drive to move forward and to achieve great things are a part of being young.

[@Jeremyramone]

K.H. thanks for the reference, appreciate it..

[@Jordanroche]

This genuinely makes me sad.

[@imagineash1460]

Such a sad story, someone ending a relationship when you plan a future together is a huge heartbreak.. then waking up to realise your friends are just around you because you're "cool" coming to the realisation that image in this world is everything, if you can hide your worries & pain just put on a smile people will look up to you.

[@novinophobic5995]

Bravo to vice! To give a first hand glimpse of the struggles of mental illness. We see it over and over again with people "who seem to have it all"..... Mental illness is something we all need to be aware of and support. Good health care and the elimination of stigma associated with mental illnesses are key. Much love✌️

[@TrevorCanToo]

Every skatepark has one of these dudes

[@WHOAM1894]

If they're lucky

[@_levirice]

robinchanel tru oof

[@adamturner1563]

Not as sick as him! ...

[@judewojcik3305]

That’s true and it makes me quite sad

[@marcaasdfgjkl]

True they always groovy af and unique

[@just.off.the.a4208]

I'm from Bristol and I remember spending most my time chilling on College Green and Harbourside. Paul was an absolute legend among all the skaters. Would say hello to everybody and bring such great vibes, kid had massive potential.

[@RoccoXV]

So much respect for this guy.

[@dntv7006]

His homies always asked "Where's Paul?" but never "How's Paul?"

[@michaelfoster886]

Really good way of putting it. But doesnt life just move on when your stuck in one place trying to figure life out? Sounds like he pushed his buddies away.

[@dntv7006]

@@michaelfoster886 in my opinion, true friends cannot be pushed away. I still have some friends from high school that I didn't talked to for like 5 years (we just lost touch) but when we get together it's like no time has passed. Also, with my close friends, we stick together no matter what. We're always motivating each other or talking each other through tough times. I know if my mental health ever got this bad my friends would do whatever it took to get me help.

[@michaelfoster886]

@@dntv7006 i mean true story bro. Very true. But when you dont consider them close friends or even best friends. Then life just moves on. These guys definitely werent his true friends but why get mad at them for that.

[@dntv7006]

@@michaelfoster886 I don't remember saying I was mad lol

[@michaelfoster886]

@@dntv7006 mybad was talking about everyone in the comments lol

[@sweatyvercetti5178]

I am severely mentally ill to the point where I am disabled so I get what hes talking about. When he was saying that all of his friends moved on without him while he was suffering really spoke to me since the same thing basically happened to me. Most of the people who were my friends have careers, lives, and fun with each other while I sit home all day and night unable to do most things that I used to enjoy doing. It really DO be like that sometimes.

[@beastcoastmovement]

This needs an update vice!

[@wastedtalent1625]

I’m legitimately watching this in a mental institution...I feel this guys pain

[@billbob7757]

Sorry to hear that man, keep the head up focus on the important things in life family and friends. It's jus a small stumbling step in your life right now to lead you to a bright and good future. Always stay positive and talk to someone about it bro

[@biohoof537]

Be happy the let you use a phone man. Seriously you have it not that bad.

[@sryburn641]

Little homie, I been where you're at many times. Battling the mind and substance most my life. Things are going to be ok. Just be good with the Creator and hang tight with people that truly love you. I'm rooting for you. I promise, it gets better. You will adapt and become strong.

[@someguy-ty1fg]

WastedTalent good luk stay strong

[@R_Vanadis]

I've been there. You can get better. It happens

[@Kev80ification]

It said at the end Paul was only recently diagnosed with schizophrenia, but he was in and out of mental hospitals for 14 years. I'm confused as to why it took them so long to diagnose him. Alot of suffering. Seems like a great guy, a real artist, and I wish him all the best in life.

[@markbengtsson]

According to the ending of the video, he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder actually. Thats a disorder sharing characteristics of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

[@bakta-tim2094]

Man, I am so moved by this, it's really hard to get the help you need any where I have scitzoaffective disorder, PTSD, and severe anxiety disorder and it's so hard to find who you use to be when you where well and didn't have these delusions and what even more scary is you most time when you believe things are well is when shits going to hell.

[@dantekristya8937]

I suggest checking out the 5 biotypes of depression by dr bill walsh

[@draconianTL]

I have a print of Paul skating the laundrette rail. One of the best skate photos in my opinion. I remember him from Casino days. Watching him skate the uni was surreal; he was so good.

[@laflamezz1907]

Damn I can kinda relate to that " if I do this trick I'll get a ferrari" -thing

[@thealbatross402]

Frédéric Chopin it works so in crazy ways man I would say that shit in my head like "if I land this trick this girl I like would hook up with me" and I would land it that try , psychology is a crazy thing

[@laflamezz1907]

The Albatross Films EXACTLY

[@sticklebacketienne]

Haha yeah everyone feels like that mate, the difference is this guy actually thinks it's real

[@purplheez]

Same, i smoked weed for like 10/12 years. And im one year sober now, i never want to go back. But i think it left its marks, my memory is all messed up. Plus i keep thinking in that way as well. If i do this or that i will get that or that, i never really payed much attention to it. But after seeing this it actually kinda scares me

[@zzzz-rv7hs]

Did u get it

[@Silencewithinme]

13:00 I wish he'd see these comments. You weren't gonna be a pro skater, you ARE a pro skater dude. This made me so emotional, damn wish I could chill with people like him.

[@filsanibrahim6860]

Try reaching out to him

[@bigiron7547]

No need to wish on it, there are people like this everywhere you just have to be open

[@RobotronSage]

He's been through the psych ward loop way too long man. He seriously needs to get out of that system. Those people are literally using him. They're turning him into this super sketched out dude who can't really think for himself or live an independent life. They make him as dependant on their facilities as humanly (''legally'') possible. They do this to maximise the profit they make off of the dude. If they can keep him in there for another decade, they will. If they can push him 3 pills a day for the rest of his life, they will. It's their profession. They are literally trained to manipulate people into buying drugs. It's so fucked up you would have trouble believing it is so shady. . You know how burger king is the perfect example of quality and industrialised ''food''? Like you'd never expect some shady business to be going on with the Burger King burgers right? Even though nobody is surprised to find rats in the kitchen and all sorts of mess happening with the food, right. Now imagine all the shit that goes wrong in an average Burger King and apply that to the ''mental health industry''. The key words here are ''industry''. There's no focus on cure. Curing a person means you lose a client. Honestly, the easiest way to cure yourself is to check out of the ward and sign off from the mental health associations. Then ask for a second opinion / rediagnosis. Nobody ''treating'' a schizoid has ever gone ''Ok well today Bill, it seems like you're cured. You no longer have all those crazy thoughts, and you are very well grounded in realistic expectations''. But meanwhile 10 or so years ago they decided there was no such thing as a ''paranoid schizophrenic'' (even though they still use these diagnoses in Europe) And people diagnosed with schizophrenia can have their diagnosis relinquished by not being an interesting enough consumer. Deny all the pills, deny all the expensive treatments. Watch how fast they start dropping you as a client lmfao. Keep demanding therapy until they admit there's no actual good therapy. They've replaced it all with pills. Because it's cheap and dirty. Not to mention easier. You don't have to listen to a persons problems if you can come to their house with a new blister packet of barbituates every week to keep them all sedated n stuff. . Literally drug dealers. Except worse than drug dealers. They are the sort of drug dealers who will tell you that you absolutely need their drugs. They tell you the drugs make you smarter (less mentally ill) But the drugs actually make you dumber (foggier) So when you're on the first set of drugs they gave you and they offer the more weird drugs You're not gonna care as much to say ''no'' as when you were sober and thought the prospect was pretty bizarre as a treatment for what you've been going through. Not to mention all those psychiatrists are merely human like the rest of us. Did i mention the interns and incompetence? Oh god. Thing is i'd wager most of those psychiatrists are a bit screwy themselves really. We live in a crazy world. If you think this is all normal, then maybe you are part of the insanity.

[@RobotronSage]

No hate on Alex but he's being made to be complacent. This is not advancing his skateboarding career, by any means! Clearly his residence in the psychiatric ward had not served him well. A few sessions of substantial / sustainable therapy would have absolved him from most of his practical delusions without the 14 years of stigmatisation and literal forced hospitalization. I wonder if he's still there involuntarily. Otherwise it seems paramount that he sign out of there. Just my 2c

[@Silencewithinme]

@@RobotronSage I'm a social worker in training, on my way into the psychiatric field when I complete my masters which is quite a ways away anyway. I got into this field because of that reason, I myself was in the system. I never stayed at a ward, only one stint after a failed s attempt. I stayed 3 days, and yeah before that I had people pushing pills my way and stuff. The head psychiatrist even wanted me to stay longer, I had to do a lot of convincing that I was fine, I'll admit at the time I needed it. But looking back, it was very shady and is definitely a business. It's a cycle in which they know which people don't have the mental fortitude to break out of the system. They know which ones will be back, and probably pick their targets.

[@FreeHumorLight]

never give up you got it. you inspired me man..thankyou. you a eledgend.

[@earlofcumbrae-Ground_Zero]

Radio Rental !! Big Love & Respect Paul. I wish all the best for you! ❤️👍❤️

[@CJoutwest]

"I just wish that I could prove that I'm well, so that they could rest and be relaxed and think 'oh Pauls gone back to normal'". That made me sad, he sounds so helpless and has lost all the light and character out of his eyes and he just looks and sounds like a hollow shell. Its a heartbreaking thing to se

[@Processor609]

I literally feel the same way...

[@SaraChaves]

Impressive ... this made me cry :( When one day you wake up and you realize ... I'm getting crazy. It's awful, you feel so alone....

[@livinitup5220]

Sorry to hear that =/ best wishes to you.. don't give up =)

[@kastorskiyartem]

I've been there sis.

[@wxxxbattle]

crazy people can be well aware that they crazy i think you are talking about a psychotic episode they not on all the time. (charles manson was aware atleast what i know)

[@michaelharrington8050]

I have never been told I'm crazy. But they gave me some papers after I set the head doctor desk on fire because he liked batman. But I blamed it on the lemonade. I don't know people hate me and the world is all fuct up but as long as I have my ice pick I'm happy

[@dan_6915]

Sara Chaves Pray the bad news day, never comes. It helps to have your other half, always there for you. And some good friends, if possible. Loneliness it's the killer.

[@YOUR_MOTHER_WENT_TO_COLLEGE]

Great fucking story! Thank you so much for sharing Paul Alexander, I'm sure your story has hit home for so many watching this as it did me. It is truly sad, especially for males how we still can't fully open up about our feelings and share our darkness with our so called "real friends" to hopefully let it some light in. Especially around certain type of male surroundings/ gatherings where it's really looked down upon and seen as weakness to share your darkness and just cover it up with a mask of smiles and laughs.

[@thrillhauss]

I really hope this guy has good people around him today and gets the love he deserves

[@rodolfohernandez354]

This video is the best definition of “Fake Friends”

[@BeHempy]

To everyone hating on the friends: One of my best friends from high school was diagnosed with schizophrenia in his mid 20s after a long decent into madness. We used to kick it all the time. I'm telling you it's super hard to maintain a friendship when someone changes like that. It literally gets to the point to where I didn't feel completely safe being around them because they could flip like a switch saying some really crazy shit. A couple times he even went on rants about how it was my fault his life was fucked up now. Like to the point where I thought it was possible he could go on a murder spree while I was sleeping. We're still in contact here and there but TBH I don't think I would be comfortable having him around anymore.

[@szalary]

Sometimes fake friends are the realest homies though

[@daredknight3609]

szalary What? How?

[@RobotronSage]

@@BeHempy stfu

[@BeHempy]

@@RobotronSage Dolt.

[@angelofdeath275]

lol sorry its pissing me off more than it should that his friends refer to him in past tense. lol is that how people see myself when i cut off contact because I’m mental?

[@armanixox6984]

They’re absolute fucking scum mate

[@amayjahmusic7494]

They haven't seen him for. While. They have grown apart. It's not that they think of him in past tense, the story is n in past tense.

[@Stoopide]

Story is in past tense. Also, you have no idea how much time they spent trying to cheer him up, get him back on his board. Friends are friends, not psycologists or doctors, sometimes trying to bring up a friend who doesn't want to be helped make you spiral down deep to the point where you either go crazy, depressed or leave the friend (that at this point completly mutated) behind and try to rebuild yourself. Not saying everybody has to be up all the times, and friends will help you when you are down. But it is definetly not your friends role to endure your mental illness to the point where they get depressed too. This is something I tend to see in depressive or bipolar people. They blame everybody, blame themselves too but usually forget to look around and how hard they hurt their "friends". It's never all black or all white.

[@lukearnoldinstrumentals]

My true friends tag along with for the ride

[@RobotronSage]

@@Stoopide The most woke part about your comment is the part where you say Psychologists are not your friends. Now think about that

[@tidychezza]

Love Paul and his brother Steve. Have very fond memories of skating the Groby bowl after school with these guys. Was and hopefully still is a proper ripper . ❤️

[@hhnprestigemaster]

My prayers and much love go to him hope he’s doing well under this pandemic

[@purplesun3792]

I stopped smoking for the most part. I've seen two people, one of which I'm very close to, descend into very schizo states of mind from smoking. It effects everyone differently, some benefit greatly from it... but I know now it's not good for everyone. If you smoke pot, or do any other drug, and are experiencing paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, depression do yourself a favor and quit.

[@robertoramoshernandez2355]

Yeah bro I didn’t want to accept it but pot has fck up my thinking ,I’ll give a little quick example now wend I talk to people I don’t know which eye to see and I feel so uncomfortable and then it hits me boom can’t breath heart rate increases I feel like swallowing saliva I start to panic and I feel I must go to my safe place , home . I smoke for 14 years am 30 and I just quit 14 days ago .We will see if I improve cuz if not I dunno

[@xtremproductions3]

@@robertoramoshernandez2355 bro your not alone I used to think something was wrong with me cause my homies could smoke forever and I would have to tap out from paranoia but I guess it's not for everyone

[@Rom-ju5tf]

I used to play 5 a side with local mental health patients, all of them had problems from smoking too much weed

[@bonsaiglaucas8001]

Don’t smoke rocks homie

[@purplesun3792]

Take care of yourselves :) it's crazy how hard it can be to slow down enough in life and find balance... but when we take the time to do so the bullshit becomes more apparent and we naturally can let go of things that hurt us and those around us. The mind is more fragile than most people realize I think.

[@emilybeech7404]

he seems like such a beautiful soul

[@laraoneal7284]

Emily Beech Yes.

[@zzzzzzzz9980]

5 years after this vid and I still watching ducking living legend always in my heart 💯

[@GrubbyPigeon]

I know exactly how it feels to lose all of your friends because they either can’t handle or misunderstand my mental illness. People just don’t put in the effort to deal with us.

[@GirthQuake47]

Most people can not imagine the nightmare of mental illness by itself.... when you add the wrong medications into the mix, its the type of experience I think powerful enough to cause PTSD type symptoms.... people have no idea... its like a bad trip that lasts months combined with physical illness.... its indescribable...

[@truthserum1546]

Trevor Lindholm You're so right. Can last years too imo. The mental and physical definitely have a huge, continuous, synergistic relationship

[@cpat7762]

Truth Serum well said

[@cocom7714]

Trev LindHolm I could not agree more with what you just said, couldn't have put it into better words...

[@NeoRipshaft]

I always find it infuriating when people are under the impression that mental illness is just an extreme form of something that happens normally... The amount of people who think depression is just 'an extreme form of feeling down', or that OCD is an extreme form of 'feeling like you need to do things' or that anxiety is an extreme sense of unease, or schizophrenia is just the inability to silence your inner voice, or some weird kind of task switching thing, or addiction is just an extreme form of 'really wanting something'... When none of those things are even remotely like that... It's agonizingly painful to hear for anyone who's experienced these things or knows people who have. It's like saying rape is a severe form of 'bad sex' or that drowning is an extreme form of 'wetness'... it's missing the point in _such_ a pernicious way.

[@vagabond3165]

.ore like wrong substances. .... Drugs cough** cough**

[@Jellyfish146]

16:14 this is such a powerful emotion, I feel like this all the time. Part of a mental illness is wanting to be better and wanting to seem better to others, but once you've allowed yourself to be vulnerable it's almost impossible to prove that you're better. Every motive and explanation is doubted and questioned, and you just want life to feel normal. Oh well, at least we aren't alone.

[@zl707hp]

If there's someone out there that has solid resources reach out and help this guy he's amazing at what he does and I think with the proper structure and love he could influence In a positive way a whole generation of new skateboarders both with mental health and skateboarding

[@jonathanparker1774]

The worst part about having a mental illness is that you're expected to behave as if you don't..He's right sometimes things sadly click at the worst time and you can go from perfectly fine to bad just like that. 15:58 to 16:13 I'm currently going through right now I can relate it sucks

[@andrewtriplett1729]

Mental illness is nothing to laugh about! I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Diagnosed with both clinical depression and anxiety disorder! Everyday is a battle for us! Mad respect for everyone going through with anything!

[@graff5274]

Me too man : ( its ruining my life.

[@matthearne9170]

Graff52 Been on 3 meds at a time for depression and anxiety. I found by surrounding myself with things that satisfy myself as a whole and using medical marijuana with a healthy diet i no longer need the meds and im in a much better place. Ill have episodes here and there but im much better off with out the pills. Keep striving and you'll overcome

[@Genuineanomaly]

Same as, find medication that works, exercise, do things you enjoy, reach out to the right people, moderation with drugs and alcohol, understand yourself, graft and work hard. It's a battle but that doesn't mean we have to lose.

[@Genuineanomaly]

keep fighting mate be brave and good it will get better

[@impossibledreams6115]

Andrew Triplett i cant tell if im depressed or its just who i am & choose to be. I dont know.

[@kingjames4886]

ofc they wanted to be his "friend" when he was on the cover of magazines... if someone only calls you their friend because of some skill or ability they aren't a friend, they're a fan.

[@AyeSmokey]

Facts

[@nickhilbert750]

BS, was in the scene at the time, he was always hard to relate to and would wander off or disappear, remember alot of us only knew him as a skater, and at skate spots

[@darkwebgirl]

@@nickhilbert750 you can not argue that he had friends because even now stable as he is, no one, not even his parents, have gone to pick him up. none of his friends have gone to see him. no one.

[@nickhilbert750]

@@darkwebgirl I can argue, i was there i knew they guys in the video. You don't have the same friends from 20 plus years ago, of my 20-30 regular skate friends i see, 1 maybe 2 a year briefly Life moves on, also he wasnt the easiest person to be around for a lot of people, We didnt have awareness of mental illness then, there was no social media, there wasnt event mobile phones, contact was more by chance, your friends and social circle was 1-2 miles. I cant expect anyone under the age of 40 to understand. Different world.

[@darkwebgirl]

@@nickhilbert750 ...what in the hell does that have to do with anyone, his family included, going to visit him now that he's stable...?

[@dominicbartlett6543]

I've been struggling with my mental health on and off for the past 20 years. I've recently been going through a very severe episode of my mental illness and I have watched this video everyday for the past 3 weeks. I find it helps as what Paul talks about his illness and what his mum says really helps me as I can relate to it and it helps to remind me that I'm not the only one whose mental illness has prevented them from achieving certain things in life.

[@reasongamingglockcsgo4766]

I come back to this video cause it makes me feel something

[@machinelanguage5108]

I personally had to quit smoking weed because I was experiencing schizoid-like conditions. Intense paranoia, delusions. I know many people in whom smoking weed brings out mild to severe psychosis, paranoia, delusions etc. Weed is not as harmless as people make it out to be. It can most certainly bring out dormant mental illness in predisposed individuals.

[@koxlc]

Its a strong plant and its basically not for everyone.

[@MB-to2wi]

Heroin is also a strong plant, not for everyone.

[@cianmac3934]

M B your point is?

[@angelanguyen3372]

It more depends on when you start and how often you do it. He started at 12 and smoked it very very often. Maybe your case might be different but just smoking some weed won't give you mental illness maybe enhance but it won't give it to you depending on the conditions. That happened to my cousin too, he started at like 11 and smoked about 25 a day, and he has schizoid like conditions and went to mental wards and had taken perscription drugs

[@cloud_bursting]

It might be the strain you're smoking. Its been shown in studies that people who are generally anxious in day-to-day life, get the paranoia effects from sativas, indicas are know for having more relaxing effects. I have anxiety disorder and i absolutely hate sativas, indicas have none of the negative effects

[@LunchBXcrue]

Man the thing about wanting people not to worry and to pretend to be okay so they can move on hits home, I was addicted to opiates for 5 years and I cant tell you how many times I had people I loved tell me they wanted the old me back, and how I'm not the person they grew to love anymore. Fuck that hurt so bad hearing it, cause it wasn't that I didn't care about them or that I didn't love them its just I had no idea how to deal with the things that were eating me up and it was so much easier to take a pill or some H and have it all dissolve away into bliss, I would be elated, the energy that left me came back and talking to people came easy, more than easy it became so much more enjoyable. The problem is its so easy to someone to look at you and say "how quickly it all went wrong" when in reality its been building up inside you for years, slowly working its way across your mind into how you think, how you react, how you feel about things like a fucking choking weed slowly twisting and wrapping its way around you and sinking in tight. And they think that all you need to do is quit. Just stop.. when in reality, it took years to get to this point, getting back wont happen overnight. And you try anyways, because you dont want to lose the life you have and the people you love, you try and try but all you're really doing is sticking a band-aid on a gaping wound forcing a smile in hopes you might be able to hold it together long enough to trick them into thinking you're okay. I feel like i share a lot with this dude, ive been to those psych units, ive been put in jail but id be lying if i said there was one thing that turned me around for the better, cause it was many many things, more so the loss of many many things. Now here i am almost over two and a half years sober and to be honest as much as I wished and tried the old me is gone, im bitter, my emotions are dulled and the ones that i do have its been so long since ive felt them they way they were supposed to be that i dont even know what exact it is im feeling. 2 and a half years and I bet it will be another 5 before I resemble anything other than a husk of my former self. I sincerely hope its different with this guy, its not fun not knowing who you are anymore or what youre supposed to be doing, none of its fun. wow that was pretty cathartic. Anyway fuck i can relate to this bigtime. best wishes for him

[@eyemiro]

Bring me Peter pan Thanks for sharing your story. I too feel like I must put on a smile, a mask. Dont want to show despair and anxiety to others. dont want it to spread. but what really helped me is to know and accept that this is who you are now. by humbly accepting this not just by your mind but with your heart, we now have the most stable basis of reality - truth - on which you can work with. how can one move forward if he is standing on shifting sands, a reality wherein his "true self" is merely an illusion, an appearance of what kind of person he ought to be than what one really is now. No wonder our emotions are dulled, even disintegrated. We are no longer in touch with our actual thoughts and emotions when we put on the mask that other people want to see, too often, with too much sincerity. I think sometimes we can forget we are acting. Are you receiving treatment now? what do u like doing (skating, making art/music)? are u making time to do them, even just for 10 min a day?

[@tonycamisi1610]

Not going to lie, but I realized something.... I haven't really studied this personally, but I think that mental health gets worse when you don't have those friends to communicate about your deepest thoughts. Think about it, if you are hanging out with a friend to laugh and joke the entire time.... where is the room for growth? Why can't there be serious, heart-to-heart connection? I think many of us who have people we call "friends" end up only knowing us from the surface, but the "lifelong" friends are the ones who realize your flaws and will do anything to help you grow. We all have that capability to do this, but unfortunately many of us never realize this.

[@eliza2139]

You are so right, and that’s one of the worst feelings having so many friends but around them you’re so alone.

[@tonycamisi1610]

@@eliza2139 It is ironic, but the truth.

[@ghostieknows]

That cover of sidewalk magazine was my first skate mag.. No way

[@jimbo80982]

He genuinely seems like a really nice guy who just got a bad deal through life. Hopefully he can figure himself out.

[@Sidnfjdkdndfbd]

I seen some comments and I think he might of passed away

[@mikebazinga982]

@@Sidnfjdkdndfbd no lol

[@Sidnfjdkdndfbd]

@@mikebazinga982 Thats just what I seen in the comments, I dont know anything other then the info givin in the videos and what people say in the comments.

[@mikebazinga982]

@@Sidnfjdkdndfbd k, you still wrong tho

[@Sidnfjdkdndfbd]

@@mikebazinga982 I'm just saying thats what I heard and I now know its wrong, I'm not mad sorry if it came off that way. Thanks for giving the correct info so people know😎👍