How our entire existence became a contradiction

[@LikeStoriesofOld]

Thank you for watching what is by far my most personal project, as you can probably imagine, it was pretty difficult to make. Also, in the hope of doing some good for this planet and the future beyond ourselves, please consider checking out Planet Wild - the first 150 people to join will get their first month paid for by me :) planetwild.com/r/likestoriesofold/join or use later the code STORIES10

[@jakehart7148]

You are an amazing man. Sending my warmest wishes. Keep up the incredible work.

[@ryue65]

@@LikeStoriesofOld thank you. I’ve recommended your channel before, but this episode is probably the best of what is probably what is the most profound , thoughtful yet encouraging and invigorating channel on KZbin. I was moved to tears on more than one time over the episode.

[@ruicoelho1962]

Thank you for sharing. Personal stuff adds up to the spirituality that you awaken in us. ❤

[@PeliculaCinema]

Thank you for your thoughtful video and many, many condolences for your deep loss. Songs, art, literature, movies and stories help us express and engage all the things we feel and think, existential or otherwise. Sending you warmhearted thoughts from Sydney, Australia (2 Nov 2024) as I donate platelets today at the Red Cross Lifeblood Centre to help another life.

[@HermanBogaers]

Loved your story. I have to see it again probably a few more times to fully get the story.

[@HMALDANA]

What a beautiful piece. In one of his writings, Jorge Luis Borges said, "I was a boy, at the time I didn't know about death, I was immortal".Ever since I learned about my mortality, the thought has never left me. It has this melancholic mood to it. Interestingly enough, love has been a balm of sorts. When I am immersed in what I love, the "I" that panics at the idea of its own demise does not exist. Thanks for sharing what you love. Greetings from Bogotá, Colombia.

[@Ren-fo4lg]

Exactly! Life’s too short not to be grateful for every day! And hopefully we get to spend most of them loving what we do/who we meet/what we see/smell/hear. Taking joy in the little things.

[@chantoreyes]

I swear every time I watch one of these videos, it's like listening to a sermon. I have a religious experience. Food for the soul. Thank you LSOO

[@ernestovalenzuela466]

It’s surreal to me that you uploaded this today, on the one year anniversary that the doctors at MD Anderson Cancer Center told my family that the treatments for my dad aren’t working, and that he won’t make it even to the Holidays. He died on December 3rd last year. It astounded me how, even at the end, he wasn’t bitter. He was scared, but the way he reassured me and my siblings was extraordinary. I miss him so much. Spending countless nights on hospital cots and gurneys taking care of him for a year was probably the hardest things I’ve had to go through, and I can’t imagine what it was like for my dad. Watching his life slowly fade away is something I’ll never forget, and I’ll never look at my own mortality the same way again. Fascinating video. Amazing work as always.

[@alangivre2474]

My 49 year old cousin died from cancer a month ago, she left behind two children of 12. She was extremely well-loved throughout the World, because she was one of the most important experts in education in science. She left us with so so so much. I really love your channel

[@Brigantia11]

May her memory be a blessing 💓

[@alyssumn3884]

Very sorry for their and your loss. I know grief is difficult but I hope you fair well in the endeavour.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Preparation for crossing beyond the void veil is an important slice of mortal existence. Unfortunately, very few humans spend much in the way of hours or resources upon it. Which is, of course, most unfortunate. 😕 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind’s journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul’s fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope’s strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe’s endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)

[@alyssumn3884]

@@Novastar.SaberCombat the issue for me in this quote is the "when we start again" that's not a thing we know exists. I actually did... Long before cancer.. Study Buddhism and the idea of we start again. I don't know which thing is right or wrong and only faith in something will make you feel you know that.

[@HeatherHolt]

I am so sorry. It’s scary to imagine leaving a child or children behind. Thankfully they are old enough to remember her well. And I hope you have lots of great happy funny and sweet memories of her so she lives on in some way. ❤❤

[@ianhowells207]

As I enter the final part of my life, I have been thinking of loved ones who have passed on. Ageing makes you aware of death, taking into account what you have done, people you have loved and the reason for it all. This is such a beautiful and profound video essay that has helped me come to terms with a lot of things. I hope your wife is well onto the road to recovery and I wish both of you a happy life together and thank you so much for this.

[@Faenwolf]

After watching your video I rushed downstairs to my wife who was glueing some family pictures into an album. I hugged her tightly for a few minutes, even started to breaking out in tears a bit, because I feel so thankful to be alive with her and our son… now she is a bit confused what this was about. But that’s okay. Thank you.

[@ryangaskin4938]

My wife is currently out hanging out with her sister. I’m going to the exact same thing as you as soon as she gets home. Currently taking a break from the dishes as this video has already brought out the tears. You’re a very lucky person and I wish a happiness and joy to you and your family.

[@user-gq1ij]

This channel first changed my way of watching movies and then my life Thanks

[@artcanhelp]

You've taken the medium of video essay into a sort of "Seven Story Mountain" realm. A sort of spiritual autobiography. Its like Augustine's Confessions. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@mikebasil4832]

Thank you, Tom, for one of the best reasons why your review channel is now one of the most important on KZbin. I’m so sorry about what happened to your wife and I’m glad that she’s better now. ❤️&☮️

[@AFK-47x]

Good video. Your original title, "I made this because I'm afraid of death", was better. It's far more personal (which fits the content), universally relatable, and evocative.

[@LikeStoriesofOld]

Agreed, I changed it back

[@brettedward2399]

Thank you for what you do. My wife was diagnosed with stage 3 brain cancer in january of this year. She has had several surgeries, one of which left her paralyzed on her left side. I identify with those trips to and from the hospital, to and from physical therapy, the constant meditations on death. There seems to be no meaning to it all. I was that soldier on the battlefield, but I didn't die. I identify with a lot of Rust Cohle's theories, too. I have come to the conclusion so far that my life has no meaning in and of itself. The only value I have as a person is in being able to lift others up. If there is more, I'm not intelligent enough to grasp it. The ability to make others feel loved and uplifted is enough for me to move forward, but soon the children will grow and leave, and I won't have much to offer them. If I'm not able to do that for my wife at that time, for whatever reason, I feel like my purpose will be over. I struggle with that feeling, but I also am ashamed for struggling, for thinking that my life should be more than that. "That's vanity", I hear in Ellis's voice when those thoughts come in. Still trying to work through all of it, obviously. I normally type long messages like this onto YT comment sections, then delete them, because it seems pointless and egotistical. Anyway, from someone who is in a constant state of existential turmoil, thank you.

[@alyssumn3884]

Please don't delete this one. It's very personal but also someone who is going through what you are going through might Really need to hear they aren't the only ones feeling this way. I am fortunate to have won my battle but I could never really understand what my mate was going through while I was deciding treatments and how it must feel to sit there and hear Drs discuss it all.

[@darianbrowning1608]

Please read the Myth of Sisyphus, by Albert Camus.

[@ryue65]

Thank you for your message. Please do not delete them. Your heartfelt intention is evident in your message.

[@michaelbates2823]

Hope is never a weakness, but a strength. A life lived in loving service to our families, communities, and our fellow man is a life full of meaning. Existence is a mystery. A cosmic comedy. We can see it as a blessing or a curse. It's our choice. 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

[@darianbrowning1608]

@michaelbates2823 I disagree. Hope is not the answer.

[@gwynsul8178]

My brother, it is all gift. We fear at unknowing the time of the gifts end, we fear at it means of its ending, we fear the uncontrolled loss of this gift. We fear so much we lose sight of this truth - it is all gift.

[@HoboGardenerBen]

Good vibe, acceptance :)

[@DeadEndFrog]

whatever works for you, just remember that its hard to use a 'catch all purpose' for all. I for one wouldn't tell a child dying of cancer that its a gift.

[@HoboGardenerBen]

@DeadEndFrog I don't know man, seems like a recipe for gratitude and acceptance to me. Suffering is a necessary part of life. Seeing their dying process as a gift could put a child into a beautiful state of being instead of fighting the process.

[@DeadEndFrog]

@@HoboGardenerBen could, yes, whatever your doing, just make sure its for them, not for yourself. Which is the only issue i have. Most ideas work well for ones own coping, but using ones own coping mechanisms on others is the issue

[@HoboGardenerBen]

@@DeadEndFrog Nicely said, I appreciate the complexity that you are bringing up. Nothing is simple. We can't help but project our own core beliefs onto situations and other people and make mistakes in the process. But what you said is a good way to mitigate harm when possible by taking a step back and looking at what you are doing :)

[@minoortaur]

This strangely comes at a time when I am thinking about every. single. thing. that is mentioned in your video-essay. Everything. All of this is so relevant and it scares me but it is also comforting. Thank you.

[@davycricket2]

Thank you for being willing to use your personal experience in sharing this video

[@tavenstrickert9658]

I remember you talking about sitting in the hospital room and holding your loved one's hand and that being a story for another day in your movie monologues video. Thank you for finally sharing that story and doing so in such a way that addressed such a larger issue than any one particular person's individual story about suffering and death. But about the larger context in which we all connect and relate when it comes to our mortality and how we viscerally face it and so often numbingly deny it. It's been 4 years since I Sat in my grandfather's hospital room as he died. I remember the moment when I realized it was going to happen, The moment when I realized this was actually happening and it wasn't just some vague concept it was real and visceral. I think I came to that realization before others in my family, I could see this time was different. The last time I talked to him was on the phone when he went to the hospital and he sounded fine and then all the sudden he wasn't. I remember the sound of his rattles as he started to die. All I could do was sit in the room with him and play his favorite music and then some music that made me feel better. I just wanted to be there for him the way he always was for me. I knew he would have been scared if he was conscious, Even after a lifelong lived and well lived, he was still scared of death. He was scared of what came after. He once told our family after a major heart attack when he died on the table but was brought back that he saw something on the other side and then he converted to Christianity and started to believe. He confessed to me in the last few months of his life that in truth on that day he saw nothing but he wanted to see something and he thought that if he just believed hard enough maybe the next time he went into that darkness there would be a light on the other end. I can understand that, I don't yearn for that light myself, but I can deeply understand where that comes from. I think about my life and I think about how in some ways I might follow in his footsteps even unintentionally. He had 26 heart attacks in his life and in the end the thing that killed him was his pacemaker the thing that's supposed to save his life, it started defibrillating him at random and sent him into a coma and eventually he got sepsis and there was nothing that could be done. My mom completely broke for over a year. She didn't believe he was dead like deeply Didn't believe it. She thought he was hiding somewhere. We all handle death very differently, I took his death as a sign that I needed to connect more with people because you never know how long you have with people until they're gone. During a psychedelic experience I had this realization and so I started calling people in my phone book, The first person that answered was a dear friend I used to work with and he was the perfect person to answer to validate this deep feeling I was having because that very day he had been hit by a car going 40 miles an hour while riding his bike. He very nearly could have died but he was lucky. He only bruised a few ribs. I'm not afraid of death in and of itself. I'm afraid of not living well before my death, of not being there for people and not having people be there for me, of not having those deep connections and lived experiences that make life full. Despite the terror and depression we all experience, especially in the modern world where we are also isolated and alienated. I think the pandemic both exacerbated this for many but also enlightened people on this fact. It's important that while we live, we live well within our principles and that we take our time to try to experience things viscerally and not just tangentially through a screen, it's important that we make real lasting connections and that we put in the work to maintain them. In short, it's important to try to live life fully and live in that contradiction of Hope and despair that you sow eloquently included into your video. The world as we perceive it is all about relationships, whether it's the relationship between two people or the relationship between ourselves and matter or our relationship between ourselves and ourselves. A rock is not heavy without muscles to lift it, dark is not darkness without the light to compare, and you can never really lose something unless you loved it deeply. I think those relationships give life purpose, because we are connected to everything around us and everyone around us, we just simply play this game and think that we're isolated Little islands in a vast ocean where every other island is different than us, but it's not. It's all connected. There was no right or wrong way to live Inherently, but I do believe that a life best lived is a life lived for connections and for creation and for adding something to this world, even if you never get to see the fruits of that labor. It's like planting a tree, that tree will likely far outlive you and imagine all of the children that will play under that tree 100 years from now when you've been long gone and that's you connecting even from beyond the void, making an impact on people, even from the grave. There's a line in a television show that I always really enjoyed and I'll end on that because it's something I read at my grandfather's funeral when I gave his eulogy. It's true we all die alone, but if you meant something to someone, if you loved someone, if you helped someone, if even a single person remembers your name then perhaps you never really die at all. Thank you for making this beautiful video and thank you for making me think about this again, I had a good cry and I will say it was a good cry and I feel better for it. Keep up the good work as always and keep bringing beauty into this world as you do with every video.

[@julesjma]

Very lovely. Sending much love.

[@samreplete1842]

❤ So beautifully written.

[@DaveKraft1]

I was absolutely thrilled that your wife survived and recovered, and that you two will have the prospect of spending your lives together. Thank you for sharing so much. You always do. Be well, -- from Chicago

[@bobhume2087]

What an outstanding synthesis of the personal and the universal. You're a stunningly expansive intellect, and a beautiful writer. Very glad your world was only diverted and not upended. Thank you for bringing back and sharing your wisdom.

[@dfgsdfhgdhggdffgfhds]

I would say this is your best video yet. Hit me on such a deep, human to human level. Thank you for putting yourself out into the universe. Sending nothing but good vibes and love your way!

[@yoohoo909]

I remember you mentioning a trip to NZ after your marriage and i had noted you to take pictures but understanding privacy, never thought it would be posted. Seeing your clips of your NZ trip was wonderful and how utterly beautiful and diverse this planet is. Thank you Tom, for sharing.

[@JérômeLEBERRIGOT]

I can't deny it-I was moved to tears. This video is truly beautiful and deeply touching, one of the most powerful I've seen in a long time. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[@ADavid42]

Glad you (plural) survived that terrible ordeal. Glad you shared your thoughts on it and on life, and on death.

[@Aegon_of_Astora]

I just wept in the middle of a work day. This is a beautiful video. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

[@assarhadon]

I have worked as palliative care physician for last three years. I am 36... this week I spoke with 31yo man who has brain metastases. Half my work time I speak with people close to the end. Weeks, days. It really changed my views on many things. All the mythology - heaven, hell, eternal life...may (may!) be just a very elaborate attempt at answering the inescapable reality that we, no matter how significant we feel, we are feeble, passing... we end. I read Ecclesiastes (the Bible book) very differently now. Some day I will die Some day it will be my turn My My turn To have cancer, heart attack, die by accident... It gives life urgency that would not exist otherwise. I used to know, I have no answers now I just move forward in that grand dance of awe. But one thing is emotionally clear. Being a father, I would not hesitate to protect my kid with all I have, including limb and life. I never thought it could be so clear.

[@julesjma]

As a Hospice Nurse, thank you for this, Doctor.

[@blackrhaven]

Because two videos of LSOO saved literally my life and the hint to the work of E. Becker help me all the time I starting to struggle again, I think, this idea by Rilke can also be a way to handle the "problem". "Lass dir Alles geschehn: Schönheit und Schrecken. Man muss nur gehn: Kein Gefühl ist das fernste." The translation is difficult and the result miss a lot of the original: "Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final." But IMHO this is the antidote to Rusts nihilism, a maximum of engagement in being and in being human.

[@damequish]

Two near death experiences via drowning… there’s no need to be afraid as panic turns instantly into bliss so swim fearlessly!

[@nomanbroman3556]

This video echoed so many of my personal thoughts on death especially after losing a parent (61). The permanence of death is both paralyzing and eye opening and it really is up to you, only you, on how and when to move forward

[@julesjma]

61 is still "young". Please take care.

[@rachellatour961]

There is no real value to wallowing in the fear of death. We don't know what death is, or what happens after, and we can't stop it from coming. But focusing on those last moments, struggling with fear of the unknown, takes away from finding joy, love and value in your non-dying days. Live as if you're dying, for you are.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Time is the only resource. I strongly suggest that people utilize their remaining hours wisely, judiciously, and yet also courageously. All three can conflict every now and again, so sometimes... ya pick one or two but rarely all three! 😁 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind’s journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul’s fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope’s strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe’s endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)

[@garymalone547]

Spoken like a true stoic. I'm happy I avoided taxes.

[@julesjma]

Yet have compassion for those who have that unrelenting fear. All the prose in the world can claim that there is no fear in death. As a Hospice nurse, I would beg to differ. It is unavoidable, yet a fear for many.

[@SaintLewis117]

I have never before seen a video so perfectly capture so many of my personal hopes, fears and desires in this life It almost feels like my last 16 years of meanderings on KZbin led me to discovering your channel this year, making it all worth it Thank you for your incredible work, and thank you for reflecting on this very personal and challenging time, so publicly and with such authenticity Edit / bonus thought: LSOO - I made this because I am afraid of death Me being too scared to play my Hardcore Spiritborn Character on Diablo IV - I decided to waste time updating this comment instead of playing the game because I am afraid of death

[@cinthiagoch]

Like most of your videos, this one resonated with me. But, to some parts of it, I felt completely detached. I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for years now. I can say I don't hold any illusions around death anymore, and I'm not particularly afraid of it, even when I'm not depressed. I am constantly aware and acceptant of it, both for me and anyone around me. I've even asked for and welcomed anything that could turn me into food for worms at times. But it usually doesn't come to that point - I'm just constantly, numbly aware in the back of my mind that death could happen at any minute, to anyone, my included, for whatever reason, big or small, predictable or not. That doesn't mean I'm not sad when it happens - but it's a kind of grief to all the things that won't get to happen to that person, to all the possibilities in their suddenly interrupted future that will never come to pass. But I'm never overly emotional about it. It's just something that happens, like anything else. And it will happen to everyone.

[@ryue65]

Thank you.

[@HoboGardenerBen]

Nice meander :)

[@periurban]

Don't be afraid. There is no such thing as death, at least not for ourselves. You can see death, experience it, but only in others. You cannot "be" dead, and you cannot experience your absence. If there is anything that survives (which I think might be the case) every witness to what lies beyond tells us of the great joy and love received in returning "home", and how it was such a relief to feel the ego depart. But even if all that waits is an ending, it's nothing to fear, and you have lived! Which is the greatest miracle of all.

[@Th3BigBoy]

Judgement is what waits for us.

[@c4pt4in111]

It all sounds wise until you understand that you point out that no one experiences their own death so we don't know sh, and then follow it up with "evidence" from people who "came back". No one is afraid of being dead. Tell people who have lost children that here is no such thing please. Tell my dying 40 year old friend to her face.

[@userJohnSmith]

More than a few describe horrors.

[@alyssumn3884]

It's rarely about the fear of death. It's about the fear you cease to exist. That is a very personal thing and to just say "there is no point" feels pretty dismissive to someone who is actually dying.

[@HoboGardenerBen]

​@@c4pt4in111Afterlife or no, those people are still absent from our life experience from then on, they remain as memories, but that isn't the same as the experience of their presence.The poignant pain of loss is part of the richness of life, that recipe is bittersweet but sustaining.

[@RicardoSenzo]

Thank you for this, brother. Thought provoking and deeply personal. Keep them coming. 24:42 "I guess that's an option, too. Just let go...." YES. "Disengage" NO. WHY? Disengagement does not have to follow from letting go. Pessimism and nihilism are only possible corollaries of letting go, but there are other ways to be. Let go of your self-importance, let go of fear of death, let go of judgementalism, let go of ultimate meaning and purpose, but live as though these things matter. Live as though they are real. Letting go is an internal state of being. Living "as though" is something you do. I've lost parents and children. I've almost died in childhood and adulthood several times. Cultivation of acceptance, sprinkled with a little indifference, tempered with just enough knowledge, insight, and perseverance to feel good when good happens, and feel little when bad happens, has proved useful for me. There aren't any real answers. Only the explanations we apply to life. If that's the case, I suggest we give honest, useful explanations based in what we actually know about the world, then train ourselves to apply them as best we can until our time is up. No fear. No hope. No fate. Just life, then non-life.

[@ProWrestlingPsychology101]

One scene I always think of is the Manchester by the Sea.... it gets me every time I even think about it. It's agonizing to think of my child leaving the Earth before me - and to an extent, as long as I go before her, I'm okay with it.

[@digitalcowboy]

Your passion and dedication for art and philosophy is already a real wealth. You can only buy all that expensive shit once, but art is the real wealth you can use to find all the answers within yourself and nowhere else but within you. You can find the answers that make seemingly mundane things and actions sacred. On the same level with the fire that lit the stars. I have worked as a paramedic, I have seen people humiliated and hurt, some wiped away like chalk strokes on a blackboard others live to see their children grow up. I no longer fear death I live so that I no longer have regrets, I live so that my relationships with the people I love are okay. And live with truth and integrity so that when my moment comes, I can die with a light heart and grateful for this wonderful life, grateful for the people who made it this wonderful gift. I can't say what comes after, if anything comes but with a light heart I have no fear even if this is the end and this reality is all there is. I am not afraid.

[@julesjma]

I am a hospice nurse and worked ICU for many years. I have a special admiration for those who work in your profession. Thank you for what you do.

[@MysteryFanGirl]

Thank for this essay. I lost my brother to cancer 4 months ago, he was only 32 years old. I’ll never understand why he died so suddenly and so young of an incurable disease. In the process of staying with him until his last heartbeat I awoke to the tangible realization that we should never take our fragile existence for granted. Death is our shadow and it lives with us every day, every minute, every hour.

[@robmehlenbacher402]

I seem to repeat myself when I comment on your videos; they all bring a tear but also an appreciation for the beauty and tragedy of our world. Thanks. Glad your wife is better.

[@nickmoore850]

As a New Zealander I cannot express how fulfilling it is to see the beautiful landscapes I grew up in appearing on your channel. You’ve brought me so much joy, consideration and inspiration through your videos, and helped open my mind to philosophy, spirituality and beyond. I felt enormous relief at the end of this video seeing you and your wife in my little corner of the world, may you have many more years doing what makes you happy. You’re welcome back to NZ any time

[@OddHominum]

This essay blew my away, it brought me to tears. I’m so glad she’s okay. I love your channel so much Thank you for your work

[@HayenMill]

as someone with diagnosed cancer 3 months ago, this was very touching, thank you

[@vilenskydmitry]

Even minute-thought of it kicks me in to couple hours of hardest panic attacks you could imagine, deepest fear that traps me in cycle with physical heart attack-like symptoms, usually I waking up at morning with that, so I better go prepare for this video, thank you for touching this theme❤

[@alaminalhassan123]

Tom, this is heartfelt. The analogy of the horizon and how life (living) is only interesting when it's either at the top or bottom is sooo beautiful. Thank you for sharing this gift of yours.

[@bacarandii]

Becker's "The Denial of Death" was a significant awakening for me when I read it in my early twenties -- an expression of feelings and ideas I'd long felt but had never been able to articulate. Now, more than 40 years later (having "died" several times from heart failure and cardiac arrest and surviving a transplant surgery in the interval) it feels in retrospect like some kind of necessary preparation for what was to come. But lives aren't stories. We impose narrative structures on our lived experience, our illusory "selves," only after the fact, maybe in order to tease out some significance in phenomena we can never fully understand. Cinema itself is about hanging on to life, observing and preserving fragments of experience that would otherwise have vanished with the passing moment. It's about locking an image, a facsimile of life, in a frame and preserving it over time, like a mosquito in amber. It's an effort to grasp and hold onto the ephemeral. Which is what life itself is, too. That moment in "The Fabelmans" shows the young filmmaker becoming self-aware, observing himself observing a moment even as it's unfolding, imagining thinking back on it even before it's passed. What I find most moving about the Coens' "No Country for Old Men" is its sense of conveying what it means to live with the constant awareness of inevitable, indifferent, even imminent death -- the requisite flip of the coin that Angel of Death Anton Chigurh insists on, without himself caring in the slightest which side comes up: "I got here the same way the coin did." Thank you for this beautiful piece. "Mehr Licht!"

[@omriex7]

Outstanding as always! Thank you Tom for being so open and honest with this terrible expirience. God knows i can relate. I think, anyone can relate in some way. Big fan of your work. I hope for nothing but long, long years of climbing mountains and sharing advantures togehter, for you and for your lovely partner. "Happiness is only real, when shared" - Into the Wild, 2007

[@TimDchubs1]

This is some of the best use of Ernest Becker's work I've seen. Such a powerfully cogent essay delivered with care and poeticism. It was also amazing to see your wife thriving after your description of the suffering she went through. Happy to know she got the care she needed and thank you for treating such a difficult personal subject with the respect and grace it deserved. Thank you for making this.

[@l1ghtange]

Dank voor het delen van je pijn, leed, woorden en wijsheid. Je hebt iets verwoord wat resoneert, en iets wat we te weinig bespreken. Ondanks dat er geen antwoorden zijn, is het de moeite waard om te praten over onze sterfelijkheid. Je hebt me geholpen om dat gesprek verder te brengen. Dank.

[@esraeloh8681]

Yep, many of us wake up, never knowing it's our last day, & other's have to watch it slip away, slowly, or quickly, quite often suddenly, uexpectedly. Life was just life, until it wasn't.... I've never really been able to stop thinking about death since first I properly learned it first hand. I'm 1 of those people, & I have not met anyone yet who feels it so personally & so closely as I. The empathy I have for all going through it whenever they do. I feel them as though they were myself, I've never been able to stop thinking of others like this, & I simply don't want to stop thinking, contemplating on it. And when will be my last day, even if humanity somehow figures a way that could in effect allow us to live for literal eternity byond this universe, it's simply impossible for that to literally last for eternity. Even if you survive a Billion Billion Universes, you wil have A Last Day. How can anyone not think of this? Thank you for this, I really needed this 1, my dad died 5 months ago, & I haven't properly gone through this exploration of this subject since, it become far too personal, & the ame thing for me, seeing all those people in hospital, who of them weren't coming out awake, & who of them were just going home to leave this Earth? I've thought about these people from time too time anyhow, but having it right in around me like that, ahhh yeah, I haven't been able to properly just process it since. Hah, sometimes when I'm just lying in bed awaiting sleep, it just comes over me, my end, the increased pound of each heartbeat. I've had that since my first personal experience with death, nearly 30 years now.

[@saraskerritt9262]

I'm so sorry you both went through such a scary experience. It was such a relief to hear about your honeymoon in New Zealand. Congratulations by the way! Thank you for sharing your story and contextualizing it in such a thoughtful and insightful way ❤️

[@millmaster413]

I needed a good cry. Thank you. I have been through a lot in terms of my health for the past year after being diagnosed with a chronic illness and this resonated with me so profoundly.

[@whenithinklikeyou3099]

When you announced your trip to New Zealand, I often caught myself imagining you showing up one day in the museum I work at - the national museum in our capital. So I could tell you how big a fan I am and how LSOO changed how I look at cinema, youtube and life in general. As you have perhaps intended, when images of you and your wife travelling in this beautiful country, profound catharsis hit me like a ton of bricks. If we had met in my musuem I would've discussed with you the landscapes here had been formed only a few million years ago (uplift of mountains), and the majority of flora and fauna had been recent re-introduction (from Pacifici islands and Australia). Being aware of the mass extinction had taken place before it, we, "the impossible creature", never saw a mass graveyard that is the geological reality of Zealandia, where life had been wiped out. Instead we see hope, we see meaning, and you even see the other side of the world and infinity! Wish you and your wife a very very long, healthy life and hope to see you in NZ again soon!

[@PopeRocket]

Others' death? Terrified. I worry about their fear. My death? No sweat. It'll be just like it was before I was born.

[@philmcclenaghan7056]

So edgy

[@PopeRocket]

@@philmcclenaghan7056 I suppose it might sound that way to someone who thinks there won't be anything waiting for them to experience. Guess we'll just have to see.

[@brycebyte]

Hey, just wanted you to know I appreciate you and your self exploration, and sharing it with

[@TheEndlessFields]

Thank you for telling such a personal story so beautifully. Really resonates and makes me thankful and appreciative of the time we have in our lives to spend with those we love.

[@Seriousp1988]

I feel like we understand each other, without knowing each other or ever speaking. Thank you for that.

[@jackhartje7075]

Needed something like this today. We are strangers, but I’m truly happy y’all made it though that together. Enjoy.

[@williamwong1982]

This video is what I need more than ever right now, given everything that's been happening in the world. Thank you so much for it. I'm glad that your wife is doing much better at the moment. I look forward to your next piece of work.

[@alechall7082]

You have no idea how good the timing was for this. I just finished Girl's Last Tour. If you haven't read it, you absolutely must.

[@ttentionpls]

I've recently lost two very close loved ones within a very short space of time. One I knew was coming for five years. One was a surprise. The worry I felt for five years didn't add up to anything. It didn't make anything easier, or worse. The second was a sledgehammer. But one thing I did learn, after a while, as much as I thought it would be impossible, I was eventually okay. I dealt with it. I moved forward. I grew. Don't worry. Everything will be okay. It was for them in the end, it is for me. Enjoy your life. It's all a dream.

[@Inambic2]

Damnit Tom! Made me cry again with your video. I'm so glad your wife is healthy and well again. I wish you only the best and look forward, as always, to your next video.

[@ProfessorBoswell]

Thank you for this, your essays are always great and in the most literal sense they help me live, or think about life (which is the same thing I guess). After having kids a lot of questions and concerns went away for me. They answer the "why," force you to undertake the "how," and show you that the "when" is always now. I know someday I'll leave them, and while it's sad it also inspires me to be the best I can; they will miss me almost no matter what I do, but if I do things right they'll be full of love and be grateful despite any loss. My most sorrowful moment was realizing that I'd miss the whole last chapter of their lives, I want to see them all the way through! Thank you for your work and for having the courage to make something personal, lots of love to you and your fiancee and wishing you many happy years ahead.

[@artyfarty87]

You have quite the way of holding up the mirror that is film, for us to peer into & ask ourselves questions we all think about in the privacy of our own minds, but rarely discuss with each other. I'm glad your wife is well on her way to recovery & as a Kiwi I'm glad you guys got to explore & enjoy my home country. Aroha Nui(Much love) Cris

[@alfredolopez9642]

Your videos are always inspiring. This one really brought me to tears. Thank you, Tom.

[@rjfink]

I’m very sorry to hear this. It’s a blessing that she is better now, as is every moment you have with her now. May the wind be at your back from now on.

[@connor56347]

This is one of the best videos I've ever watched on this platform

[@julesjma]

I initially watched this on Nebula and am glad that I came to KZbin to watch again and read the comments. These comments are what life truly is, this human experience that we all share. Look at all of these lives that you have changed, Tom. What a gift you give us in your work. Thank you Tom, thank you All.

[@aaron_accordion]

Beautiful video as always. Would you mind listing the movies (and timestamps if it's not too much trouble) shown?

[@bitsofstarstuff]

Wow Tom - there is so much I want to say in response to this video, but I’ll leave the majority of the words to you and each viewers’ own experience with the material. I’m glad you and your family are thriving. Thank you for sharing your experience. You gave me a lot to think about.

[@sainuudotcom]

A true Masterpiece. Thank you so much.

[@youthiswastedonme]

I love that you left out the very final sentence of that extended Becker quote. No but really, an amazing video once again. 🙏

[@developingtank]

Bleak way to start my morning, but I do appreciate this kind of thought exercise.

[@scorpo8166]

Excellent video and tale, Everytime I lose friends or family, Death really redraws his lines on me and my understanding of life’s value.

[@jakewatts797]

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience and your gift with us. Glad to hear all is well and you and your bride have endured something challenging and are back and thriving.

[@dstern86]

This is one of your best, most beautifully written pieces. It hit home for me, so I thank you greatly.

[@wildpendulum]

Thank you for talking about death so openly and sincerely and in such a poetic truthful way. I didn't know how much I missed this in my life - people openly talking that they are afraid to die without trying to make some kind of rationalization to not feel the terror of it ( something like "there's no point to be afraid of death, because when it happens we are not here anymore.") Sometimes I feel that if we all just admitted that to each other, we won't have as much conflicts, because in a weird way death and the fear of it unites us all. Becker's book was on my list for a long time, but my denial of death doesn't let me read it, too scary... Anyway, thanks for what you're doing. I am glad that your fiance got better and you went to New Zealand. All the best!

[@tinyvikingproductions500]

That scene in Fabelmans hits me everyday. I often think about how I would film something in real life, even while its happening to me...yep you nailed it.

[@lukasgerber1705]

This touched me very deeply and brought me to tears. Thank you very much! You‘re doing a meaningful work!

[@justdiane5]

You are one of the best content creators on YT! I love what you put out there for people to enjoy. I myself get emotional and thoughtful watching and listening to you. Thank you for what you do

[@keira-shae]

I’ve watched your videos for years, and never commented. I think my husband at the time and I donated to your Patreon for a long time way back in the day. I’ve watched almost all of your videos and loved them. You are always so eloquent with subjects that I ponder deeply and can’t express. Thank you for getting personal. Thank you for your years of work, you are leaving a legacy. I’m so glad that you have her for longer. Congratulations on your marriage, she’s lucky to have a soul like you. Best wishes, and thank you from the bottom of my heart. (Keira Shae in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA

[@originaozz]

Well, that's just powerful. Especially when feeling powerless in the grand scheme of things everyday and seeing so much deterioration. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@scottyszoo.8093]

I've grown more since my terminal diagnosis 2 years ago than the previous 52 years. I no longer waste even the moments of pain and stress. You cannot enjoy the sunshine without knowing of the rain.

[@TimCCambridge]

After watching hours and hours of Nature Documentaries and seeing life after life plop out like carbon copies, I realise that what we cling to is a sort of overindulgence in Self-Hood. " I, the survivor, must exist, or... what? " Everything doesn't end, just one light of billions goes out.

[@bardofhighrenown]

"The solution to my whole life was right under my nose... and I was watching everything else" - Marty Hart, True Detective Life (and by extension death) is not a problem to be solved, life is a happening to be experienced. All you need to do is decide to stop trying to solve it. Easier said than done. I love your videos. Every time they force me to reflect and I love it. Thanks for sharing this story with us and thanks for everything you do.

[@thomasalbion1834]

I don't think I'm emotionally ready to summarise how much this video made me feel so I'll just say thank you for making it, for sharing such a personal story and for the art and attention you pour into every one of your videos.

[@fredsifyable]

I love you ❤ I too constantly wrestle with the idea that I will die. Everyday I worry about death, about how to avoid it, and recently I've realized how much of my actions rely on trying to live .. forever But also realizing that my death is certain - and all in all I wont live forever, no one does. And that I need to stop avoiding death, and accept that for the most part, when I go and how I go will not be my own decision. It will simply take place, no natter how much I scream, kick and beg, when I die, I will die, even if I also tell myself; that fucker is not gonna get ME. Like I am somehow unique, and that I will be the one to defeat death. We truly are walking contradictions.

[@bernardzsikla5640]

I really appreciated your video. Some of your videos have really helped me thru some dark periods of my life and helped me understand my existence alittle better. I'm going to have my annual physical tomorrow and it got me thinking how one particular injury has completely changed the course of my life. I have rarely had decent medical insurance and when I have, I choose to repair other issues. Now, at 60, I look back and think how my life would have been different if I didn't have a shooting pain in my right elbow, everytime I put in a tough/ hard day of work. That injury stained my view of life and my anxiety about career and future. I bid jobs differently, and tried to protect myself inflamming my elbow. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself in thinking and something else might steered the progression of my life into a different direction. Worse or better, I will never know. Either way, I looking forward to see how my book of life turns out.

[@ryue65]

This is truly beautiful. This is helpful and so thought provoking. Your urge to Praxis is one that I will consider.

[@thegustbag]

Thank you LSOO. From someone who'd found a purpose and had been suffering the slow death of seeing that purpose become trivialized into day-to-day chores and work, this managed to shake me awake once more. At least for a little while.

[@chihua-mi]

I rarely comment on anything here on KZbin, but in this case I have to. This is a beautiful video. Dealing with our biggest contradiction is an immensely valuable effort. And I sincerely applaud your courage in sharing a very personal experience, making yourself vulnerable and without doubt helping lots of people deal with this topic. Genuinely, you've done a great thing. All the best to you and yours.

[@jkam2524]

Absolutely beautiful. I have recently read the Becker book and it was truly inspiring, as are your essays. So glad your partner is recovering.

[@andygilly14]

Really liked this video! I hope that you watch The Room Next Door of Almodovar. The movie also deals with death in a way I've never seen in film

[@abewillowsart]

This really touched my soul and reminded me of the magic in the world. I had "let go" for a while there and was just waiting for inevitable death, often considering cashing my ticket. I want to try to live again. Thank you

[@filmpositive6601]

I'm glad making these enriching and thoughtful videos is part of your purpose, cause they've inspired me and countless others in many ways. Thank you for what you do!

[@furleyx]

What a beautiful, thoughtful, and personal video. Thank you for sharing!

[@CadetSF]

You videos about these serious spiritual, psychological, and philosophical questions have really made an impact on me personally these last few months. I appreciate them as much or even more than you direct critical analysis of films. I myself experienced a similar event with a loved one as you did with your fiance, a few years ago. I feel like I am still processing through it and my reaction to the near miss, coupled with the weight of recent deaths of other, older, more expected, but no less mourned family members has at times left me adrift. Your thoughts on these topics have been helpful for contemplation on my own experience and views.

[@chasm9296]

Wow. As someone who has lost both my parents in the past 3 years, thank you for sharing such a personal story.

[@user-zp8kj2cl9g]

I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of suffering a PAINFUL desth. I'm afraid of pain, not death.

[@randomsudaka2631]

Man, thank you from Ecuador. I think I needed something like this. Good to hear your wife is fine and well

[@garyclifford5368]

Damn brother, what a beautiful story of Love, pain, conflict and reason. 2016 was my year of this type of reckoning. Great job. I really enjoyed that.

[@Lizard1Bob]

This is he best video one YT right now, and may be the best one forever. Thank you very much for this, and now I must stop typing to wipe the tears from my eyes. 🕊☮🕊

[@P99X-42]

So glad she made it through. Beautiful film, you have an amazing mind Sir

[@TheCrewExpendable]

33:10 Even the parking fees are cheaper outside America! When our child was born the hospital parking garage charged $50 a night for overnight parking (we were in the hospital for several bights). Ostensibly because it was a downtown hospital and they don't want the garage to fill up with bar and other night life parking, but there was no parking discount for a hospital stay. Glad you weren't destroyed financially!