How "THE BUTTON" dating show exposes our human nature

[@_salemtovar_]

hey everyone!!! literally can't believe I'm actually posting consistently for once- love that. Just wanna say something real quick- For those of you who haven't made it to the end of the video I just wanted to announce again on here in text that every 2nd week of the month, and end of the month I will be posting real talk videos. Topics about things I've gone through and overcome such as religious trauma, dealing with invisible illness, PTSD, toxic relationships, being the black sheep of the family, the complexities of human nature etc. I will go on my Instagram every other week to ask you guys what life topic you want me to talk about, as well give you guys the opportunity to ask me life questions or advice for things you've also gone through, as well as getting to share your stories relating to the topic at hand. Remember to follow me on my Instagram @_salemtovar_ to keep a lookout on my stories for when I'm taking suggestions. I already asked last week what people wanted to see and the first topic was religious trauma, as well as getting to read your stories and questions to that topic. These videos won't be commentary pop culture videos but more intimate & thought-provoking, me- completely unfiltered. Also I will be answering questions & talking about my experiences while doing my makeup so you all can see my creative process throughout the video! First video will be up next week saturday. The series will be called S.O.S. Can't wait to see all you there

[@agneshunter7989]

i think you forgot to pin this

[@dissidentcrusher]

I'd want to hear about the horror of being perceived a.k.a being a public figure with obsessive haters, stalkers and whatever else. I always wondered if every content creator at some point gets used to the attention and the often baseless speculation made about them on a daily basis. I can't imagine how much that impacts a person's sense of self

[@_sunchildd]

can you talk about addiction and the stigma behind it? addiction is soooo much more than just substance use. it’s a mental health issue as in say you’re depressed, have anxiety, etc. so you use those substances to cope (obviously an unhealthy coping skill) to deal with such. now i should also ask if you’ve ever struggled with such? obviously if you never have it may be hard for you to talk about this topic but you definitely don’t need to be an addict / alcoholic to understand addiction. i feel like people who don’t struggle with it, are the ones who rly need to understand it the most. 🫶🏼

[@wowokole]

Can't wait to see your makeup too🤠

[@Johanna-wd6mq]

Omg I love that🥰

[@sebastianmothelet8130]

this show is like going to a pet store and youre judging all of the pets, to see which one you're actually gonna get, but the pets start judging you 💀

[@bluesclues8823]

lmfaoo 😭

[@malena5611]

LMFAO

[@Akira_of_the_Fae]

"Ill take that brittish short-haired cat" "Sorry but i only want to be owned by brittish people" 😆

[@pokemonfanthings4444]

And you’ve done no research on any of the animals, or have a budget, or literally anything you should have done before committing to a pet

[@anyone1111]

@@pokemonfanthings4444 fr T^T

[@sarahsinn2348]

The girl that kept saying sorry while pressing the button continuously annoyed the absolute hell out of me. I just can’t understand how she was able to look that man in the eyes while pressing the button, knowing damn well that he knew she wasn’t sorry. It’s like she was literally oblivious to the fact that the button was CLEARLY not working. AND SHE KEPT PRESSING IT.

[@notmyhairyarmpits]

Right?? Like she was giggling trying to pass it off as a quirky thing, but, it was immaturely handled. I'm not sure the other guys would be interested in her either based off that clip (I haven't watch the episode fully and honestly it feels taxing to watch it)

[@Nikola_M]

Yeah. That kind of behavior just screams "Avoid me at all cost or you'll regret it".

[@PSL_Lover2024]

I guess she thought that by pressing the button the guy would magically disappear.

[@myriam2068]

that was sooooo disrespectful of her imo, like at least give him a chance, that's what dating shows are for ?

[@missbraindamage]

That was damn annoying 😂

[@ki2348]

I think this show would be a lot more interesting if instead of your date leaving when you hit the button, you leave. This makes it so the contestants have a reason to not click the button.

[@implodingslowly]

I love this idea!

[@athena6832]

This is brilliant!! The current premise goes nowhere 🙄

[@neopom4206]

Wait what if for the first 5 minutes the person who presses the button is the one to leave then it reverses

[@cinnamon5675]

or on a new type there could be a secret button, if both click one is kicked by random. Not sure how it’d work but I’m just spitballing here

[@ae9581]

or just not make the show at all

[@Ariel_is_a_dreamer]

Honestly, the most shallow person I ever met was my gen X mother. To her, if someone went to the gym they were dumb. If someone liked clothes they were frivolous. If someone likes studying they can't like going out with friends. It was almost as if she judged people based on 80's movie character tropes, I swear, I couldn't make that up.

[@Uns46]

Same as my mom hahaha

[@ajnazatahm]

I like to blame leaded gasoline for the mental health issues that generation has

[@uyensoldier374]

my parents are the same. they dont believe you can be good at sports and academics, hence anyone who's playing a sport that makes them look more muscular is automatically dumb. big muscles, small brain they joke. they also think the only good and perfect career path is doctor/dentist, anything else is not as good and high earning. and then they always compare each other's children like we're a trophy or sth. there's a bright line between wanting the best for someone but expressing it the wrong way and simply not having a broad enough horizon and general knowledge

[@Unfilteredalyssa1227]

That’s really stereotypical and judgmental. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thankfully you see that. That speaks volumes of her and good for you for realizing and now you don’t have to be like that so that’s helpful for the world

[@InfiniteHope333]

our mothers should be friends but it probably wouldn't work because they would spend all their time judging each other.

[@aislinq]

honestly idk how anybody can have the kind of confidence to go on these shows where not only do the other people in the show tell you EVERYTHING they think about you, but after the fact millions will pick apart your appearance and behavior. not for me 💀

[@AKbaby89]

Same here. I could never. I was already teased enough growing up, I don't want it in adulthood also🤷‍♀️

[@bihko4928]

I love your PFP 😍😍😍😍😍😍

[@nogirlIonlyusevenmo]

right? and if you say or do anything that comes off the slightest bit weird, rude, etc you’re get gonna ate up in the comments 😭

[@aislinq]

@@bihko4928 ayeee you too

[@aislinq]

@@nogirlIonlyusevenmo or on tiktok, or by any commentary ytber looking for east content. it’s a no from me

[@aura9773]

there’s nothing wrong with having standards, it’s just how polite and reasonable you are about it. I see so many men whine about not wanting unfit women, I see so many women whine about not wanting short men...so on and so on. Like okay? there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want! That’s great, I’m glad you know what will make you happy…But maybe just KEEP IT TO YOURSELF and don’t degrade people who don’t fit your standards. Just politely decline and move on-and remember that YOU ARE NOT SUPERIOR TO ANYONE

[@dangofluff2193]

Love how you put this comment :) im glad to see someone be realistic on the whole standards things, i think its important not to have unrealistic ones ofc but it should be normalized and ok to have standards for what you are looking for in a partner its ok , its natural not shallow at all , just dont be an ass about it to people, be a realistic human being to another :) and even when it comes to your standards of attraction dont let yourself forget who they are as people as well, ive been with someone i found to be the most attractive person ive ever met before when i was younger , but once i got to know that person there wasnt a click a spark like at all, and it ended fast because of that.

[@aura9773]

@@dangofluff2193 well said !

[@contraomnes]

why is this so hard to understand

[@teddycinema]

I’M SAYINGGG LIKE. me personally, i do not like facial hair on a man. idk why it makes me uncomfortable. but if i’m talking to someone who is very nice but has facial hair, i will NEVERR say that to their face bc i was raised to not be rude. i’ll at least hear them out a bit instead of rushing to push them out if they seem like a nice person bc i wouldn’t wanna fumble that bag over one physical trait if that person is what i’m looking for yknow

[@Z-FishInMyBreakfast]

T

[@jayciflashx9425]

In MY honest opinion, this show isn’t even about dating its about who can reject who the fastest 😭😭 LOLL

[@seacrest73]

Accurate.

[@Patricruss]

Naah, you’re right lol

[@chickenfoot2423]

right, like the girl talking about how shes creative instinctively reached out as soon as the guy pressed the button even though shes exasperated about him doing so lol, they all want the power and dont want to be the one humiliated

[@H3art_c10uds]

@mirisparkleslikewhoa no seriously. It's so annoying that some of them don't even want to know that person

[@dannydethanos6994]

A lot of people lash out at people because they’re worried about being judged and I think the environment of the show cranks up that reaction to the max

[@jactober]

Remember when during a dating game a woman actually won a date with a serial killer (she didn’t know he was a killer neither did anyone else) and she ended up not going because she got a really weird and creepy vibe / feeling. 🥴

[@Corviidei]

Richard Ramirez?

[@squirlis1189]

Never ignore gut feelings especially if a person gives off an odd vibe.

[@digimonalvatrax2738]

*Intuition*

[@N95j]

well thank goodness..

[@superdelusional3624]

@@Corviidei no it's not ramirez, it's another guy that I can't remember the name of

[@marissabulso6439]

If you press the button first, maybe you should have to leave. No next option. The person you reject gets the next option. Your participation is over.

[@nihilistteddy3]

I agree. I've seen people mention it on Cody's videos too. I just think in this age of the internet, we've been conditioned to always seek what's better and it only takes an instant. Oh this video is good, but what if the next one I click on is better? And the button brings that to real life. Plus the show has morphed into a competition of who can reject the most people so that idea would stop that problem. The cut should really try that

[@marissabulso6439]

@@nihilistteddy3 Exactly. It would take away the sense of power people get from being the rejector and mitigate the fear of rejection because more people would be willing to see where the conversation goes. And, ultimately, win-win for everyone because that would make a more interesting show. They could even do a second grouping of the rejectors, if they wanted to give them a second chance.

[@Kelbalam]

Reverse button would be socially fascinating

[@marissabulso6439]

@@Kelbalam Absolutely!

[@DanielRodriguez-zi9qe]

@@marissabulso6439 nah that wouldn't work since the person who wasn't rejected would see that pressing the button would eliminate them and wouldn't press it until they find a person to go on ascend date with

[@tevinanarchy774]

The blindfolded episode really showed that even if they’re not judging based on looks they’re still judging as strong.

[@user-ng9xj8qh6w]

Reminds me of the time I rejected a guy and then he started claiming he never liked me and I was the desperate one . People always want to the the one to leave / reject you .

[@kattodoggo3868]

people love having the last word. The guy had no same. Imagine yourself saying that. Its so embarassing

[@billandlizy]

embarrassing

[@luchirimoya]

These types of people are REALLY insecure and scared of rejection huh. So pathetic lol.

[@Cocoanutty0]

Same. A guy once wanted to sleep with me and I said no thanks, so he called me a whale.

[@shibuya9062]

@@billandlizycry about it

[@ash-is-napping]

Fear of rejection is so bad that we reject before we can be rejected.

[@who__cares__]

The chick pressing the button while saying sorry and that guy who told the girl "she wasn't cute" irk me into oblivion Like people are that shitty with no shame💀

[@apriljk6557]

frfr

[@infinitespirit777]

Yeah like the absolute audacity? I got chills from how angry those clips made ne

[@alyz3450]

Pretty sure the guy just said that cause the girl was eager to reject him too

[@jooheonshoneybal]

@Sine Nomine I think they might have meant by that, something like "that guy lacked self-esteem and probably out of fear of rejection (like everyone else on the show) that he pushed the button". But yeah, obv those people BEYOND RUDE. They probably don't even realize they're the toxic ones. And don't forget the guy who said "you're older than you look" to blonde woman. Like, wow, that one was also shitty too.

[@kiera_klark8171]

Exactly! Especially cause you know she kept purposefully pushing the button, despite knowing it wouldn’t work, to let him know she didn’t like him straight off the bat, in the rudest way possible. Where did we go wrong ??

[@strawberryfox8819]

As a 20 year old lesbian who only realized I'm gay at 18 and suffered from too much social anxiety to date before that, I have zero dating experience. So I agree, there's a real pressure to be in a relationship because how dare you be content by yourself? And I have no idea how to even enter the dating market, nor if I actually want to and not just leave it up to chance. It's just disheartening.

[@strawberryfox8819]

@@тарусскаядевушка Because being gay first off limits your local dating possibilities and in my case, I thought I was attracted to men and therefore didn't understand why I only felt anxiety near any male who tried to be more than friends, even if I liked them as a person. So that for me personally and the fact that I only came to that realization when I was 18, it impacted how I view and naviage the dating market. I didn't "grow into it" like a lot of heterosexual people do or gay people who knew from a young age. It's a different experience and in my case, does play a role in this topic.

[@trillerkiller9839]

@@strawberryfox8819 I'm demi but otherwise same

[@ryanp6575]

Relatable 😭

[@sandracurielalonso1609]

tbh my experience is slightly different since i did know since i was around 12 that i was a lesbian, still with no experience tho, but yes, ive been there disheartened seeing everyone around you "be happy" cause at a certain point i wondered if i was the problem. Its been a couple of years now and ive made my peace with it. We (lesbians) in general tend to start dating way later than other groups (21-25+), and you shouldnt just try to date someone for the sake of dating. I decided to leave it up to chance until i could know 100% that i was happy and comfortable with myself, and that i did want to enter "the dating market" and get to know people. Now im at that point and only just started exploring that world. My advice? Get to know yourself first, let yourself just get comfortable with this side of you and with what you actually want. They try to tell us otherwise but there´s really no rush to all of this

[@zintlezaya1468]

Relatable

[@aspiring_pilot]

I would cry tbh, idk how people do such shows

[@_salemtovar_]

no literally i wouldnt even volunteer to be on shows like this. I'm way too sensitive!!

[@sum_shine]

@@_salemtovar_ I think too many people pretend that comments don’t hurt, and therefore try to detach from the human sensation of feeling emotions

[@jenm1]

I think they're shameless cuz they're actors and know they have to suck it up, maybe

[@aspiring_pilot]

@@_salemtovar_ omg you replied. I love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@NK-bz9wb]

You shouldn't cry over the opinion of people who are so out of touch with reality

[@jaceyemerald]

I took a relationship psychology class in college and one of my favorite quotes from the professor was something like, "If you are dating someone, but still toying with the idea that there could be a 10 out there for you - someone more perfect - stop it. No one is perfect and, if there was someone perfect out there, what makes you think that they would want you too?" She was a marriage and family therapist and she brought up the fact that she'd had DOZENS of younger clients who came in with the issue of having settled down, but still lingering on the idea that they could have done better. Usually the person thinking that way also was the one putting in the least amount of work into the relationship. The semester as a whole was incredible, but that class in particular absolutely reshaped how I thought about dating and relationships and I wish that that kind of class was required for everyone. I've applied the things that I learned that semester to every single relationship (not just romantic relationships) ever since.

[@MBIA20]

Idk if anyone pointed that out, but the lesbian episode has a completely different vibe imo. The rejected women actually ask the reason why they got rejected and overall the participants seem to be much kinder to each other than in the mixed gender episodes

[@thelying2594]

I noticed this too. It seems to me a lot of Lbgt relationships are thriving way more than cis-straight ones. Even outside of dating most of my friends are LGBT. They are just nicer to be around and keep an open mind. Funnily I'd never know their sexualities or things of that nature till way later so for some reason I'd just be drawn to them. Simple fact is that the old mindset people hold on to is making the dating scene and other things just feel like a competition and its intimidating.

[@duakorin9977]

Not all straight ppl are like they and they actually started asking questions for why they rejected for all not just lgbtq that’s what iv noticed it honestly depends on the episode

[@ki2348]

Yeah that's what I thought. Interesting observation

[@NickaLah]

@@thelying2594 I don't think we should make a competition out of LGBTQ+ vs cishet relationships, either. I get the desire to do so, because we should highlight all the positives of queer relationships to counteract the hate that still exists, but overall I'd rather it not be a competition, either. I speak as someone that is in a straight relationship, I'm actually married, but I'm also pansexual. A lot of people would assume that my hubby and I are both straight, but we just happened to meet the best person for each other. I would just encourage lifting each other up, instead of feeling the need to bring anyone else down. I'm not perfect, either, so this applies to myself just as it does to anyone else.

[@thelying2594]

@@NickaLahNever said one was better then the other I just made an observation off of my experience. I'm pretty sure I'm straight and I'm a cis girl so I know not all of them are like the people in the button so im not bashing them just to bash them. I've had a lot of LGBT people be bad to me just as straight people and this could be said for any category of people, men and women, poc, LGBT however in my experience some have just been more nicer.

[@cardinalsin.]

People want someone who is "perfect," and at the first flaw they see in a person they run thinking the next best thing will be better. There is no better, you just need someone who sticks with you through it all.

[@Affranchie]

This! Or someone who is ready to work on themselves, or whose flaws you are able to live with. But you actually have to try, people don't want to anymore

[@rebeccadodd1394]

I think this is a major part of it. A lot of people seem to think you need to be exactly like your partner in order to have a good relationship. Like in the video, when one guy said he enjoys running, the girl immediately hit the button, but he didn't say that he expects her to be active or that he'll try to turn her into a runner. A few different interests really isn't a big deal in the long run in a relationship, it's about how you work together

[@thespacecowboy4124]

@@cardinalsin. And while you're at it make sure you actually love them

[@me0101001000]

At the expense of sounding like I have a major superiority complex, I think that people who show up on these shows should not be dating. To be dating, I think you need to know yourself, know what you want, love yourself enough to love others in a healthy way, and most importantly, have your life together, or at least be in that process. If that means that 90% of people stop dating, so be it. You can't expect something to work out if you're a hot mess.

[@_salemtovar_]

beautifully said...in other words, "if you can't love yourself- how the hell are you gonna love someone else?- can I get an amen?' - rupaul

[@nahicorua]

You don't have a superiority complex dude, you have common sense, which is more than a lot of these people lmao

[@jayciflashx9425]

Totally agree!!

[@deletedddddddddd]

you dont need to love yourself to date someone this is toxic positivity. youre basically saying you dont deserve love or kidness or affection of you dont love yourself so tired of people thinking this way depressed people deserve love self conscious people deserve deserve love stop saying this

[@deletedddddddddd]

@@_salemtovar_ absolutely not! people deserve love regardless! you gonna tell a depressed person they dont deserve to be loved and cared for by another because they are struggling with something they cant control? wow! talk about toxic positivity! someone who is struggling with self image, depression, anxiety, whatever, they deserve to be loved. how can you say this? its so toxic. we need to stop spreading this lie around.

[@ot7biasedmashups]

The worst part of the button is the fact that everybody wants to push the button first. It’s stupid that you STAY if you p push the button. You should rather be the one to leave. People love to reject others and that’s the problem.

[@sleepyidiot2010]

Too much genuine connection, not enough drama

[@jenm1]

Not only are “unattractive” people not worthy of their time romantically, but imo, we also see these people as subhuman. This is how I see “unattractive” people being treated.

[@lourdezipper1697]

As a wildly unattractive person, I also see myself as subhuman. I expect to be treated as such. Probably something to do with evolution, but I'm no expert. Lmao.

[@haileys5224]

@@lourdezipper1697 I know you were just using humor to ease the sentiment behind your comment but it’s not evolution. It’s social construction. You are not subhuman. Humanity is a social construct. You deserve to be treated with complete and total humanity. You are absolutely not subhuman or lesser than. I understand that’s not the way society may treat you broadly, but that’s because society is flawed. It’s not a biological function, its not a fixed truth. it’s a social construct, and in that way it can be improved and people who are viewed as unattractive can have a better life, and receive better treatment. You are valuable and loveable and of course you should be treated as such.

[@angelahughes7049]

@@lourdezipper1697 absolutely nothing to do with evolution.

[@bigbawlzlebowski8886]

​@Sine Nomine personal beauty standards may be subjective. But societal beauty standards are not. Most people may have personal Beauty standards. But they also pretty much 100% understand and follow societal beauty standards as well. No one's going to tell you that Chris Hemsworth is unattractive.

[@user-hanging-at-the-hanged-man]

@@lourdezipper1697 not really, societal beauty standards change all the time. Way too fast to be “evolution”

[@AngelaEAwesome]

As someone 35+ it is so hard to date now. After I turned 35 far fewer men even messaged, and they all seem to think they should be with the hottest person on the app. Even if they’re not attractive or popular. Even if you have a good connection, they only care about looks. They’re afraid of committing in case someone hotter comes along. But they also want to keep you on the hook just in case, but it’s obvious they are distant because they’re talking to someone else. And when the hot person rejects them suddenly they talk about dating and wanting a relationship (i had 4 guys do this within one month). And they lie about who they are and their political views. If you want a genuine connection and to date like an adult (if you’re 30+ you shouldn’t be dating like you’re a teenager or early 20s) it’s almost impossible.

[@jestersudz6085]

jeez i hope it doesnt stay like that ToT

[@jjba3571]

Men dont mature dont they ? I think social media or porn fried their brains or maybe just maybe years of sociery treating woman like objects, they want the prettiest one even tho they are 4s ahhahahah Whe they get rejected and rejected and rejected again they finally lower the standars on women But i find it sad cuz many men dont care to knwo you

[@snoochieboochies2011]

I’m a guy in his 30’s girls do the exact same thing. Literally ghosting, then coming back, then complaining about the guy they had left me for mistreating them.

[@wiseguy240Winston]

That's more of an issue for women when they hit a certain age than ppl in general

[@SaltySeaStella]

I'm getting up in age as a woman (mid-20's, aka Christmas Cake) and people still ask me if I plan on being single. I'll only consider dating if I find a real connection which means being friends with them first and seeing if the relation progresses after that. Sadly, that ain't the norm. I'd rather not date at all then settle on someone who wouldn't work out in a relationship with me in the end.

[@SteviiLove]

Something more people need to keep in mind when dating is that your first impression doesn't mean ANYTHING. This isn't just for dating either but can be really helpful. My mom has learned this as an employer. Give people a few chances before making up your mind on them because people never show their true colors right away; they wait till they're more comfortable.

[@NickaLah]

Yup, and also people seem to think you need to be attracted to someone immediately, but it doesn't always work out that way. I think my hubby is absolutely adorable, but we started dating after being friends several years, and because I'm fairly tall for a woman at 5'8", I thought I needed to date someone taller than me or at least close in height. Well, he's maybe 5'2", but the most amazing person I've ever met. I never even think about his height, and it almost makes me angry I might not have ended up with him if we hadn't been friends online first. It's really dumb to blow people off based on looks.

[@mikaberry-5126]

So true I had my first love with a guy I didn’t even imagine at all loving and who I wasn’t attracted to at all when I first met him but gradually as I got to know him I grew more and more attracted to him physically and mentally , and it’s the best thing

[@3amhellbeast]

100%!! One of the funniest things is that my partner and I met in person at my job (I was working and he wasn't going to be that person while I wasn't going to get fired lol). We both thought each other was cute, but we both rejected each other on Tinder before we first met, then decided to give it a shot when we were suggested to each other a second time. We didn't even recognize each other off of our tinder profiles and only figured it out when we met in person the next day! We had a bit of a rocky start to the relationship... We both recently got out of relationships and weren't really looking for anything, but 5 months later we both bettered ourselves as people and actually fell in love with each other. Now he's my best friend and my soul mate, and I seriously have no idea what I would do if I didn't have him in my life! We've been together for 6 and a half years and would be married if we believed in it 😅. So yeah, 10 seconds or a few minutes is not enough time. Relationships take time to build, compromises, and communication. People want what takes months in just a few minutes but that just isn't realistic in the slightest...

[@Asaspecimenyesimextraoddinary]

What your mum says is 100% right, but first impressions mean.. everything. Sorry to break it to you but we learnt this is psychology. Somebody’s first impression of another is most likely how they will view them for the majority of their interactions. (I think it was determined in the first 3 seconds). Of course somebody’s impression of another person changes as they get to know them, but that *first* impression determines almost everything and it’s honestly really upsetting because as you said, most people aren’t going to be comfortable when meeting new people, or they may be having a bad day so judging somebody’s entire being on that first meeting isn’t fair.

[@KFrost-fx7dt]

If they're turning me off the second I meet them I will reject them. You have to prove yourself 100% the whole time, from day 1. There is no point in giving chances.

[@celery8059]

Dating only based on appearance also means falling hard and fast for the most uninteresting people, and taking the rejecting much harder! I did this all throughout college and found myself feeling unwanted and unattractive. Now I realize that the people I thought I needed were totally incompatible with me and looks had nothing to do with it

[@IlIlllllIllIIIIlllIIlI]

i feel like they only click the button because they want to last throughout the episode

[@_salemtovar_]

it's definitely somehow warped into a competition show rather than speed dating lol

[@rasheenaclarke5476]

@@_salemtovar_ ❤❤

[@jenm1]

@@_salemtovar_ most of then are wannabe actors. you can look em up and see

[@sophiathefurbst]

@@jenm1 that’s how it is with most gameshows (if you consider this one lmao)

[@fmlfrl]

@@_salemtovar_ i remember one of the episodes where the girl literally said something along the lines of “i didn’t want him to reject me, so i rejected him first”

[@thecolorjune]

I totally agree! On paper my partner is not someone I would have considered if I saw them on a dating app, but we met in person by chance and have grown to be so close and to understand each other so well. It’s actually beautiful and I think I want them in the rest of my life. I used to be terrified of being perceived, but now I’m growing to feel loved through being seen.

[@hotmess9640]

So basically you aren’t physically attracted to your partner?😭

[@thecolorjune]

@@hotmess9640 no I’m very attracted to them haha. But I would not have been attracted to them if I had been swiping on a dating app. On first look we are very different people, but we have so many similar quirks and communication styles that we really understand each other in a wonderfully intimate way.

[@poompoom4888]

@@thecolorjune that's a beautiful thing you have there, I hope they also want you in the rest of their live :)

[@ewwitscullen9132]

I feel it's so common for people to only care about the problems with beauty standards and the toxicity of dating when it comes to people they don't consider potential partners. Its like for them everyone else should be ashamed of beauty standards but not when it comes to finding their Mr. Right Edit: My issue has less to do with having wants in a partner and more to do with people who "fight against" beauty standards and dating norms but still participate in their perpetuation. Own your actions and if you're gonna have wants in a partner, own it

[@faithsmith3650]

True

[@stripedpolkadots8692]

That’s kind of how attraction works though, at least for allosexuals

[@femalegays]

not really, at least for everyone on the show. there's a difference between just not clicking w/ someone and the guy who said he didn't like colored hair, then gushed over the flame hair literally right after.

[@en2p187]

Well yeah when you reproduce you don't want your children to be at a disadvantage

[@cremepuffle]

my point since... a long time! people are sooo miffed by these standards but dont dare touch someone w acne or any of those sorts.

[@dreygan]

As a guy with long hair I'm honored Salem stood up for me 🤣

[@isaM08]

I wasn't really looking for a date, but I found my boyfriend in a community, doing something we both like. We liked each others vibes and hit off super fast, talking and chatting everyday for hours on end. He was one of the people I most liked and interacted with from there, and eventually I noticed I liked him, and he liked me. It was meant to be. He's definitely my best friend

[@thelying2594]

You guys did it right 😭👏👏👏 everyone on the internet is talking about doing or being something magical to get a SO but it's the natural actually having mutual wants and interests that I've always I wished more people would talk more about...

[@hatchawayyy]

same here! i found mine through a discord server and when we first started talking we hit it off instantly. we’ve talked every day for almost 2 and a half years now ❤️

[@poilaaliop]

Same here! Met my fiancé on our first day larping ten years ago, became besties, and we've been together for 8 years so far. ☺️

[@sriracha_sauce]

This is the best way to find soul mates, is to let it happen naturally, and I'm so happy for y'all! It seems like everyone these days is in a constant state of depression over being single and needing to seek out romance when its so much better when it blooms this way.

[@thisisntahandle]

Happy for y’all ❤️

[@TheKisshu1997]

The fear of being perceived is so spot on... I have a fear of having fun at parties or in public, because there's always the possibility of someone recording it and making fun of it ...

[@zoekanee]

THE GIRL WHO WOULDNT STOP PRESSING THE BUTTON HAS ME DEADD 💀💀

[@unnderneath]

I WAS ROLLING

[@hollybrown887]

Please 😭 stop. he's already dead

[@wtttff]

EMBARRASSING I CANT I WLD JUS 😭

[@aneiahisfree]

And the sad thing is, that fear of rejection doesn't stop there. Sometimes, even after we're accepted we continue to have that fear of people changing their minds and eventually rejecting us

[@sapphic.flower]

The fact people rush to push the button to avoid coming out the loser is honestly sad. There’s a lot of shame in being rejected even though it should just mean you’re not compatible. But also, willing to put the other person in that position to preserve your own pride is also vapid. Not that I would know if I’m above it since there’s a lot of pressure with the button but no one comes out looking or feeling good.

[@mstyslava]

The first words I've ever said to my bf of eight years was "if you joke once more, I'm gonna hit you in the face". It took me time to get to know him as a person, not the first impression and in the final I've got the most compassionate kind and funny person I've ever met. Judging on the first impression to find a date seems like a worst idea

[@growingoaks]

Has anyone considered that the producers are controlling everything? Psychologically speaking, you have no incentive to hit the button if you and them are getting along. They may tell people to "fake hit it off" and then hit the button to drive up engagement/views and intrigue. Like you said, you'll never know what's gonna happen next and that'll hook people.

[@thegoldthatglitters]

I wondered about this, too.

[@growingoaks]

@@thegoldthatglitters i love psychology and i know a fair amount. Theres no way you hit it off THAT well with someone and instantly just next them like that, and heres why. People inherently fear the unknown so psychologically, people are incredibly much more likely to stick with the person that they are having a good time with as opposed to “next” them and possibly get paired up with someone who is 10 times worse. These people look really young, so maybe they’re prefrontal cortex has not fully formed yet. In any case, the behavior is incredibly suspect and they are either coached through the whole thing or they are intent on trolling. I can think of reasonings for most human action, but this “dating show“ is a hot mess that makes absolutely no sense. 😅

[@3u-n3ma_r1-c0]

@@growingoaks well to be fair if the person theyre with is "meh" or even just "good", they may be vying for prince charming, and decide to reject them in hopes the next guy is just as good. they can always reject that guy too if he's bad. going off of the (terribly basic) idea that people fear the unknown to invalidate a sincere response feels like a massive stretch, and while I agree with what you proposed, I just dont think its plausible based on the reasoning you gave. like.. there's no downside to buzzing other than you wont get to talk to them, but then again, there's always other people- as long as you buzz first. this game makes it inherently more beneficial to buzz first.. which just turns it into a buzzing competition. its not well thought out.

[@izunahosaki6133]

Yesss people don’t talk enough about the show runners and their visible and invisible decisions. Like, do they explain the rules well about when to push the button?

[@LennethValkyrie]

It's so obvious! I can't believe people still BELIEVES what happens in this kind of shows.

[@nemonobody88]

I feel like there's a need to constantly be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. Like that adds value to you as a person. I've been single for some time and I'm enjoying my single life. I'm not lonely. I don't do dating anymore. If I ran into someone and that person grows into someone important in my life, then I'll be happy. But my friends (that are in relationships) feel like they need to "help me" and find me someone because, in some way, they pity me. And some of those friends get out of a relationship and quickly jump into another. I don't judge them, don't get me wrong. They can do whatever they want to do in their life. But I feel like we should first learn how to live with ourselves and not depend on another person to define us. Being in a relationship is not a personality trait. Which brings me to this show. They don't want to put in the effort, they just want to get that superficial aspect of a person just so they can get into a relationship. They don't want to go deeper.

[@nemonobody88]

@salemtovar is this a scam? Report?

[@Puchitosama]

Same but I've only wanted to date to be seen as "normal".

[@lautre.]

to always have to be pretty, fit, clever, well educated, having good hobbies, having a talent, money, a good personnality, being original but not weird, always having to be alert in case of having an embarassing moment that may last forever on the internet and that may ruin your life... i can go on and on. it will never be enough. personnally, even as a pragmatic person, im a huge idealistic when it comes to romance. and this show is literally my phobia. deep connections are almost impossible nowadays to creates because there is so much criterias, so much things we cannot control that determine our love life. we all have high standards about our future partner even if we dont even deserve them since we may not be fitting those said criterias ourselves. its all about good looks and having it now and no other time. its sickening. it puts pressure on us to be better and being worthy but it may not even work at the end

[@twiggledowntown3564]

I feel you on that, love takes time.

[@katriinparnamagi7850]

So true:/

[@brunettemouse3265]

I totally agree. I feel like I can never relax. I constantly have to be doing stuff to make other people like me more, that's why I'm currently taking a break from dating tbh.

[@meanermoon]

realll this is so true

[@edward10619]

That's how I feel tbh. It's definitely way harder as a man as well.

[@_Lunanella_]

I think the dating market is over saturated with people who should not be dating. I say this because there is just so much dysfunction and the whole concept of dating is based on people believing that they lack something so they go looking for it. Which creates a breading ground for all kinds of BS. Looking for love and romance never made sense to me, as it is something I think just naturally grows or doesn't grow between people who choose to spend time together or are forced to due to circumstances. That is why a lot of people previously met their SOs at school, work, church, groups, etc. Nowadays people have to make more of an effort. It's so unnatural to me so I don't even participate.

[@Cirrina_Eirian]

THE CLIP AT THE BEGINNING LMFAOO WHAT??

[@_salemtovar_]

she was doing waaayy too much. i would've cried lol

[@cherrysoda06]

feel so bad for him lol. didnt even get to know him yet like whattt

[@colncold]

like girl 💀

[@LycaFurs]

The emotional damage that must’ve caused lol

[@Woopsdiditagain]

Fr!!! Like, yea he isn't my absolute ideal type either, but still cute 👀 I wouldn't have pressed

[@taiahunter2600]

Honestly dating culture is why I didn’t like dating apps. Especially since I was uncomfortable on the dates I went on. So I kinda just stopped and ended up dating someone I already knew and was comfortable around. Which honestly makes me feel a lot more secure than going out with someone you met recently

[@poogissploogis]

I appreciate you touching on how much tiny details are being prioritized in dating. My husband and I were just talking about how people will pass on someone who has one tiny trait that they don't like and just move onto the next person, and how dating apps have made it too easy for people to do that. Young people in the dating game often believe that there will always be something better, so why settle for someone with a tiny flaw? The reality is that everyone you date will have a list of things that you won't like, you just have to figure out whether or not those things are big enough to be deal breakers or if they're something you can just learn to live with or work through. My husband is a huge weeb and I absolutely despise anime, but there's so much else that I love about him that I don't care about that one thing. If anything, I like that he has his own interests and isn't afraid to express them to me. Social media has really warped people's sense of what a good relationship is and it's really sad to see.

[@charcoal8]

How low is their self esteem when they can't tolerate being rejected by someone they don't even like

[@mayrahemmerechts5867]

I feel this, I’ve never been in a relationship before despite really wanting to experience that but have had tons of crushes and half of them rejected me while the other half either didn’t know I liked them or didn’t even know I existed! The fear of rejection dominates me so much that I’ve given up on finding someone. I also feel I’m too damaged by trauma (general trauma not crush trauma) to be around people in general because I tend to gravitate between 2 extremes one being cowering at someone doing something that triggers me and the other is being verbally aggressive when a trauma trigger happens and I’m terrified of my trauma one day causing me to hurt someone. I work hard to keep it under control but there are points where I can still lash out and whenever it happens I feel extremely guilty

[@gl15col]

Anyone who hits that button before they have so much as a 1 minute conversation I'm pretty sure will be alone for life. Living together takes a huge amount of effort and compromise, and nobody I saw on these clips (not a show I'd waste my time watching) is capable of either making a long term effort or compromising on the smallest thing. At least this should slow down the population growth over the long term, so that's a plus.

[@yikes.3239]

you can’t act like physical attraction isn’t a factor at all for everyone!

[@jelowo9877]

but that's the nature of the game, so in this case it's more blame the game than the player. hypocritical of you to judge someone just based on a short clip from this weird ass game show that may not necessarily reflect how they learn to date in real life

[@armellebiampamba4257]

If these are the humans beings produced, universal sterilization should be mandatory 😭

[@kiwibanana7590]

@@yikes.3239 yeah but if you found someone who is perfect for you except physically you have to settle, unless you REALLY aren't attracted to them at all yk

[@tylerthecreatorsno1fan]

I genuinely think Salem is on the realest, funniest, prettiest, and js rly honest creators on this app. She tells this as it is and really makes you think about your life and your emotions. She's incredibly mature and I truly hope for her success

[@MsTemperTantrum739]

The mix of dating and social media is like trying to make friends in high school; it is so hard making friends for me because EVERYONE is always on their phone, not talking to on another and instead is texting their online friends, and it is making me very lonely right now. 🙁

[@jaronafrost7613]

I feel you there buddy

[@apprendrearespirer]

I'm sorry to read your comment @Katherine Foxfire. I'm 26 now and feel blessed to be old enough in this age of social media and not be in high school because I know I would have felt so lonely too just like you. High school is such an important time for a human being and their development. Teenagers need to socialize in real life not just virtually. I think it's crucial to having healthy relationships that will last. Now with phones and social media I feel like people are afraid to interact with others and get bored so the easiest solution is to scroll through social media to forget what is very important in the end. I think you are far from alone in your situation and I encourage you to break the ice by starting a conversation with someone you think you can connect with. It's a brave action for sure and it could be scary because of the fear of rejection. I can assure you that everyone has this fear on different levels. After the first step of talking with someone who could potentially be your friend, I promise you that you will feel some satisfaction with yourself even if you are rejected at the end. One thing sure, you gonna get better talking with people and you gonna find a friend eventually. Every human needs to socialize, it's a survival need. Trying to break this circle of loneliness is a big step that every human being should take to live in a better world. I don't know if my message could resonate with you, but I send you all my compassion and the courage for what you are going through. You are not alone and you deserve to feel good and not be alone anymore.

[@MsTemperTantrum739]

@@apprendrearespirer 🥲 Oh my goodness, thank you so much for the reply! I will stay strong!

[@apprendrearespirer]

@@MsTemperTantrum739 You are so welcome 🥰.

[@coradarlingxo]

Me and my fiancé have been together for eight years now and the shitty comments some single people throw our way are insane. Not even talking behind our backs but straight up asking me how I can be with “someone like him”, that I’m “too good for him” and other crazy stuff just because I’m conventionally attractive. They don’t even know us as people, they just judge based on looks. I don’t think those people should date. I even fear for all the nice folks that might end up on a date with those superficial pricks. Looks aren’t everything. Sharing a hobby or a favorite food isn’t everything. Spread some compassion, light and love. The world is tough as it is, we don’t need any more bad guys to make it even worse.

[@AB-uv9kg]

Yeah there's some sort of competition in the current dating scene involving "What does your boyfriend look like? How tall is he? How much does he make?" And it's stopping a lot of potentially long lasting relationships from ever taking off.

[@OpheliaTerat]

I don't think the button is a completely accurate depiction of modern dating. To me it feels like a lot of the contestants treat it less like a dating show and more like a competition to see who can press the button first. I think the way to fix this would be to have the person who presses it leave instead. There's also a lot of other variables, such as it being a show watched by millions of people. It also feels like you're treating Gen Z like a monolith/hive mind. Gen Z being simultaneously shallow and body positive can easily be explained by people just being different and having their own views and beliefs. From what I've seen, the body positive people usually aren't the same people coming up with those TikTok trends you brought up. I think all generations are shallow, the internet just allows for it to be more visible.

[@Corviidei]

I dunno, even the body positivity movement still has this air of shallowness to it. The focus is still on appearance being what defines someone’s confidence

[@3u-n3ma_r1-c0]

the competition issue is caused by the show's setup in itself; if you buzz, you may or may not get a better person than the one youre talking to right now. if this person is "meh", or even just "good", you can buzz to have a chance at prince charming, with little to no downside... as long as you manage to buzz the next guy if you dont like them. it turns into a buzzing competition to get the chance to find your prince charming- who likely wont even like you back. its a show about standards being way too high and people thinking more people are open for them to date than there actually are. people always assume "theres other fish in the sea, so I dont need to compromise"... leading the other fish in the sea not to compromise for them. big issues. i wouldn't know if this is an accurate depiction of modern dating since I dont date, but it sounds a LOT like the rhetoric i hear.

[@candylide]

In their defense, aren't we the ones that grew up with social media and those dating apps? Not that we are one of the same, I for example I don't have dating apps, but what they say makes sense and I'd be more applied to this generation kndeed

[@tingle2323]

True..in some aspects surely all generations has shallowness...but our generation actually promote it more in name of moderness..they giving it name of positive aspect..that's the problem

[@blitzie66]

everyone treats generations like a hive mind

[@interestingboyo790]

Dating shows like these honestly make me so grateful for the relationship I have with my partner. I will admit I acted immature and insecure in the first year of our relationship but I'd like to think I've grown more as a person and we've made our conflicting parts of ourselves work with each other. We genuinely love each other and show that we are grateful for each other, even though our relationship is mostly online and we can only see amd physically interact with each other every few months. This is why it's crazy to me that people will judge you for the smallest things when it comes to dating. I get having preferences but this is going too far.

[@kimberlyWard8152]

You said this perfectly people are picky to the point it's ridiculous dare I say unnatural even.... people are looking for perfect utopian build a b**** types rather than someone down to earth who has flaws (very human flaws). I feel like some people pick on the other people's minor flaws because of their own insecurity of realizing they have to face their own shortcomings too since a relationship is about building together. My husband and I are not the same people we were when we started dating. We've learned to compromise with one another and to examine ourselves to help us with our own flaws to overcome them rather than pretend they don't exist. I feel like so many people now want that perfect instagram relationship which is actually quite shallow if you think about it. I want a relationship where I can be vulnerable and be myself around someone, not where I feel like i'm putting on a mask constantly seems tiresome

[@pasteluluu4089]

i had watched a video on tinder and i'm very sure that i can come to the exact same conclusion it did. the button show doesn't actually want you to find a date,because if that was the case,then the show wouldn't last as long as it did. there are VERY slim chances of you getting a long lasting relationship. the show wants to keep you lonely and give the illusion of being able to find the one.

[@yikes.3239]

i don’t think the producers thought that hard about it nor do i think they maliciously intended for everyone to be lonely…

[@pasteluluu4089]

@@yikes.3239 i understand,but after watching this video kzbin.info/www/bejne/g3y7ZGtvgtJmhK8 i can't help but not have a so good view on cut

[@teaforthepoor]

I'm on the aromantic spectrum, specifically grayromantic. While I do have a boyfriend, how I came to know him and got together with him was out of the approach of wanting a friend rather than a partner, and I think approaching people the same way gives people fair treatment. Wanting a friend out of a situation means letting the person relax and show their imperfections without the pressures of a relationship in the way. What you said about how much society pressures people into going into romantic relationships having to be one of the reasons why there are so many single people is true - It's not comfortable at all to deal with and I think we should seriously discuss it, especially because your relationship status often calls your worth as a person into question.

[@TheCrimsonRabbit]

Your makeup fills me with joy. Thank you for sharing your art.

[@adeline168]

It's messed up that dating standards end up being high and shallow, but when people start dating the bar is in hell and folks get stuck in horrible abusive situations and think it's normal and ok.

[@daresaryan8229]

Half of the whole reason to be with someone or dating is because you yourself feel you have the capacity to be a good partner, but most people just look for what they can get from you.

[@zohanadeem1272]

i just love that whatever topic you make a video on, it makes me (and i mean literally) stop and think about how messed up our society and culture is and how seamlessly so that we dont even blink an eye

[@minecraft_flowerpot810]

The intro. THE WAY SHE JUST KEPT PUSHING THE BUTTON😭 (love your makeup as always!

[@Katie-ul4dg]

Your comments on guys with long hair are amazing you’re so real for that

[@greedbun]

i feel like as a generation we are deeply traumatized and no one wants to acknowledge it. and like,,,, i get it lol

[@terryr4623]

I think this generation is far more honest about our trauma. I'm sorry but have you spoken to millennials or gen z?

[@terryr4623]

Tho I do think very little ppl seek therapy but that's for various reasons and many of us would benefit from obtaining it.

[@extrashotofespresso_]

This generation is extremely open about being traumatized. However, this gen lacks the difference between real life and social media. This gen also has sh!tty coping mechanisms. For us, “stanning” celebrities/social media stars and scrolling on a clock app for 5 hours straight is a way to cope instead of going outside for a walk and spending time with people who care about you.

[@NickaLah]

@@extrashotofespresso_ I'm a xennial, like I'm just barely a millennial and considered Gen X depending on who is describing the generations since there actually isn't a clear consensus... and I think you're romanticizing older generations. I spent more time outside as a kid, but a lot of people still stayed in and just watched TV, they still had plenty of sh*tty coping mechanisms. Also, there was a lot more pressure to fit in with a certain image and to be "normal". There was a lot more of the jock bro mentality and that we all should have that as our ideal way to be or the type of person we should try to be with.

[@Imadeaplaylistforthat]

Every generation has its baggage whether they like it or not. The important thing to remember is that it can be passed down for other generations to deal with. Everyone, Acknowledge your baggage and treat your trauma before having kids and they next gen will have an amazing chance. ❤

[@kobayashimaruu1]

this is scary true, especially for disabled people. to be judged in less than a second over that factor and that alone by most people. this show is a good representative of what it's like to disabled and looking for a partner, no one even really caring to get to know you once they find out about the disability. it's shallow and cruel, and people don't take us seriously because they don't think of there being consequences or feelings being actually hurt, part of why the people in the show act so brashly I assume. I'm EXTREMELY fortunate to have a partner already who respects my disability and doesn't try to ignore it or harbor resentment over it. I cannot begin to tell you how rare that is, especially with the fast paced nature of dating today. if I ever lost him, I honestly don't know what I would do. I have a moderate physical disability that does impact my entire life and that is simply too much for like 99% of folks to even fathom being near, as if I'm contagious or something lmao. even just watching these clips hurts my heart because it's so very real, to not even be given a fraction of a chance over the dumbest, pettiest things possible. I know it's exaggerated to be just the most outrageous content, but it honestly doesn't feel that fake...

[@tiegz9770]

And I'm sure this is contributing to the amount of people experiencing depression, anxiety, and low self esteem in modern times.

[@impsail374]

I used to be one of those ppl to say I wasn't into dating but I just didn't ever get the opportunity to have a connection with someone who I found attractive and who would like me back. That was until I met my girlfriend. We started off with just a platonic relationship but we got along so well that we started having feelings for each other. I think it helps to just let yourself be emotionally vulnerable. It's also a lot easier to just have fun like you would with a friend

[@Mary-Vintage]

I saw a comment of someone who said this show could be better if the person who pushes the button is the person who leaves. Then maybe people would try talking to each other

[@LpsPinkPetalPaws]

As a single alloromantic asexual, the culture of dating makes me feel pretty hopeless.

[@SweetLala25]

I have a very strong empathetic mind and body. I feel others emotions so strongly it makes me sick sometimes. It's hard to read books sometimes or watch content where someone is doing something embarrassing or extremely cringy. I absolutely hate dating shows and The Button is the worst for me. Never understood why they made it and why people keep going on it but okay. Not for me.

[@XDominiqueXFranconX]

Yes, same. 😬 👏

[@jirinad1713]

THIS! Yes, same here as well.

[@infinitespirit777]

Same, I got chills from how angry I felt for those contestants being rejected in the most rude way ever

[@insideatheart]

same. sometimes when i'm watching/reading media and something embarrassing happens to someone i have to stop and finish the episode/chapter another day because i just can't take it lmaooo i kinda hate it, crying because of things happening to people i don't even know in real life (or that don't even exist lol) makes me feel pathetic sometimes but i just can't help the way i feel things so ┐('～`;)┌

[@Amanda-0987]

True story, I had given up on trying to find a good match on online dating, because it felt like I was taking the time to read profiles and only match with people I felt I might genuinely connect with, only to have those people unmatch 10 seconds later. So, I decided to swipe right on everyone and have a conversation with anyone who actually talked to me. My partner was one of the people I matched with and he ended up having great chat. When I looked at the profile later I was shocked to see that I probably would have swiped left if I was still trying to decide who I thought would be interesting and who I found attractive. He is an absolute gem and I adore him, so, maybe people ticking every item on some imaginary list just wasn’t the right way for me to find love. 10/10, would recommend random swiping and talking to anyone who talks to you.

[@adrianc6534]

most dating apps will punish people who swipe right on everyone because it makes you look like a bot. i wouldnt recommend doing this if you actually want your profile to be shown to other people.

[@oreochocolate_lavacake9960]

The reason I watch the button is because its actually really accurate of how dating is nowadays and watching people make a fool of themselves🙃(I'm joking) also sometimes I wonder if its a social experiment

[@tobiaslawrence8928]

Dating has always been like this my friend.

[@thesevenkingswelove9554]

@@tobiaslawrence8928 no, it was more slow paced before. Social media made it more fast paced. Especially dating apps

[@tobiaslawrence8928]

@@thesevenkingswelove9554 not really it was like this before social media took I when I was starting out in the early 2000s

[@tobiaslawrence8928]

@cay's luminals ❦ yep

[@thereal_Achilles]

Do you mean a (fool)*? of themselves?

[@MarbleMuseHasAppeared]

I absolutely love your analysis on how modern society is influenced by social media and dating apps. It's actually influenced my choice of topic for my bachelor's thesis (psychology). Thank you so much for your thoughts! Your intelligence shines through your words!

[@pokemonfanthings4444]

I think all generations are shallow, now there is social media to show it all.

[@ethanstump]

There's always been shallow people and shallow media, and cruelty, but these things used to be discouraged more heavily, used to be shamed and called out as such. Now when the worlds too big, there's a platform for your nieces friends dog, and it's just not possible to call everyone out, the ability to discourage it just isn't there anymore. Essentially, it's reversed where in the past the people in media used to have to downplay their being shallow, now people have to downplay NOT being shallow.

[@roadkprincess]

I really want to see a version of the button, where whoever clicks the buttin is the one that has to leave. I think it would be more entertaining, and the interactions would last longer

[@raylynne5280]

I'm obsessed with Salem's makeup in this, I've had to rewind a few times cuz I was too busy appreciating her skills to hear what she said!!

[@SteadySniper]

I met my boyfriend in vr actually. Super strange. We clicked very quickly and have a lot in common. What we want our future to be like, similar childhoods, personality. But we had no clue what each other looked like for a while all we had to go off of what we know about each other and the people we hang around. We met recently and it went amazingly. Our dynamic didn’t change and neither did the way we hold and present ourselves.

[@jimjimq9636]

"omg he drinks lentil soup???!!!! he's the ONEEEE!!!!" that line made me laugh so hard uncontrollably.

[@sunnyterah2985]

Years ago I went to a restaurant and a guy tried to flirt with me. Apparently I was giving too much sass and the guy asked for my sign. I was so confused at first until I remembered “Oh, your birth sign, like the one the little villagers are always talking about in Animal Crossing!” 😆 Told him I was a Virgo, thinking nothing of it, and this fella just pursed his lips. 😆😆 Like sir, I’m just trying to eat why are you judging me for something I couldn’t even control?!! It was hilarious. Superficial interactions are truly so exhausting.

[@soupie6]

as someone who has *barely* dated one person (I was 13 so I don't think I can count that 💀), and seeing people my age date is quite interesting. it's usually through social media and the whole talking stage lasts FOREVER, and it confuses me bc if you like them why don't you want to be with them?? and ik it's because of fearing rejection but you're 16, in a years time when you're an adult you'll look back on it and possibly regret just not going for it. that probably didn't make much sense but yeah

[@mintyhippo8125]

That makes sense :) That’s why I just say to go for it. If you like them, tell them. If they drag their feet, it’s a no. I heard the phrase, “be the change you want to see in the world” and really ran with it lol

[@MEOWMIX3DS]

in my culture, talking stages should last long to decide if you can actually live with them beside you.

[@rollercoasterrideinthefastlane]

whoa your analysis on modern dating and the fear of being perceived is so real. i wouldn’t put myself on the a show like the button but i do see a tendency to want to “protect myself” and shut down any romantic advances someone makes towards me. i’ve never even dated someone in my 22 years of life but just the environment of today and modern dating makes it so unappealing. it’s comforting to know that this isn’t just a problem for me as i work on reframing my mindset

[@rollercoasterrideinthefastlane]

(just to clarify i don’t think i’m as superficial as some of the things we see on the show, a major reason why i don’t agree to dates on dating apps is because i fear for my safety and also some self image issues but i do relate a bit unfortunately to the reject someone before they reject you mentality.)

[@frankie6575]

This video made me realize I’m being wayyy too hard on myself and on other people. Thanks Salem, great video 💚🦆

[@avamarie_240]

By this point its not even a dating show its a test to see who has the quickest reflexs 😭💀

[@cherrium1719]

This is such a good video; it's really frustrating to see how people treat each other from a glance. Especially when it's become so normalized. I'm so happy I'm not THAT much of a chronically-online individual to have such a strange perspective on people 😭

[@camillemille6487]

This kinda opened my eyes for some stuff fr, I see in you that you're woken and that made me think multiple times ''I wanna be awake to life and get outta the bubble myself''. Lots of love from Brasil 💚💚

[@AKbaby89]

Wait but I love New York was funny af tho. She's so funny. Her and Tanisha from BGC give me the same vibes. " I didn't get no sleep cuz of yall, so yall won't get any sleep cuz of me" will ALWAYS be a damn bop

[@citiaii]

around 33:00 i just want to say that i love how you carry yourself. your mannerisms, facial expressions, and variety of tone/mimicking feels sincere and authentic and i appreciate that. you’re beautiful and speak really really well!!

[@Mari-vc7gv]

alalalala this makes me actually disgusted, some people think they baddie just cuz they got this reject button new era of dating shows lmfao

[@Grace_Zandile97]

This is so true about gen Z and Y. who are raised through the lens of TIKTOK and Insta. Remember my nieces commenting " where are your other pretty photos?". I immediately knew they wanted photoshopped, filtered , edited, make-up on fleek type of pics. They genuinely believe all those images are REAL . Sitting down and explaining that is important.

[@cindymartinez2152]

I agree with you and I think that most people focus on so little things they can judge, but no one takes time to examine what they can offer? Like, most ppl who says they have astronomical standards think about receiving, but not giving

[@Samcreature]

your voice and your words are so comforting 😭

[@migoreng7789]

bro my rejection sensitive dysphoria having ass could never go on a show like that 😭

[@markigirl2757]

Right I was triggered watching this I jsut wanted to curse at them both

[@alexisochoa2570]

I think we’ve forgotten that love takes work. Action. We want instant results. But love has to be cultivated. I struggle with this daily 😭 great video ❤️‍🔥

[@itsLNK97]

To me the most blatant exemple of these useless surface level things, is people on tiktok making icks out of literally ANYTHING like "eww the way he's breathing just such an ick :((( " these people need to give up social medias and go out and talk to real humans fr . There's a reason studies showed people are more likely to meet their partners at work or amongst a group of friends, it's because it's people you spend a lot of time with on a daily basis and that you get to know on the long term.

[@maiatolmie413]

I used to literally be so scared of even written my feelings in secret just in case someone found it and judged me or showed somebody else because I was so scared they would reject me or think I was weird.

[@rainemi8089]

Shows like this portray what real honesty and authenticity look like, and even then these people still probably aren't saying what's on their minds 100%. People go on and on about how important honesty and truth are, but the fact is that's just not what people want to hear.

[@Alligator907]

You’re a real one for shouting out flavor of love!!! One of my fav shows😂😂

[@sebastianmothelet8130]

OMG this consistency is SLAYING

[@sebastianmothelet8130]

although even if you werent, my parasoical realtionship with you if too strong for me not to check every week 💀

[@_salemtovar_]

I've been actually enjoying doing my content! love the era of not being burned-out lol

[@sebastianmothelet8130]

AAAAAH i got a heart🥳

[@sebastianmothelet8130]

@@_salemtovar_I love that for you, you deserve it so much, you are genuinely my favorite youtuber, musician, etc. the list goes on

[@charlottebuijteweg7160]

I met this guy through Tinder and at first everything was fine and cool and we had a good conversation. Not anything really deep but good enough for getting to know someone. So I agreed to go on a date with him. But then he started asking the same questions over and over again like “do you drink?” “Are we going to buy food?” “Do you have a game to bring?” “Can you give me a hug on our date?” It got so weird so I cancelled and now he’s being kinda aggressive. I really dodged a bullet there but it makes me wonder how to go on in the future because it’s so hard to judge someone you only saw online.

[@emmakara8907]

I think the button started out well, with some cringy moments but overall fun vibes, but now it's ALL so toxic and genuinely difficult to watch.

[@jessicaaaa202]

“You look older.” Yeahhh I’m a little TEW crazy for this show. Gon head and call security cause it’s really the way I would’ve hopped over the table SO FAST! 😩😂

[@dark-passenger7631]

Im still towards the beginning of the video but have you seen the button blind folded 💀 everyone was hyping the guy who hugged that plus size girl and then pressed the button after. Hyping him up because he was ‘smart’ enough to figure out her body type and save himself. Smh

[@OnceUponAMidnightDreary]

YES to everything you said, but also, your makeup is INCREDIBLE!!! I was practically hypnotized during the video! Do you do tutorials?!

[@fallostarbor9102]

Fast dating is like fast food sounds good at first, but completely ruins your insides in this case self esteem.

[@lowtech42]

THANK YOU SALEM!!! You have put words to so much of what I've been feeling about dating and romance in general. It IS so much more difficult to just exist these days in terms of personality, (online) presence, attractiveness, etc. and very few want to admit it. The dating pool IS incredibly superficial and it's only getting worse yet very few want to admit it either. You are in constant competition with all of the highest quality representations from the Internet when you interact with others whether you are aware of it or not. That's what makes The Button such an accurate microcosm of the dystopian hellscape that is modern dating. People who aren't a 10/10 don't stand a cow's chance in a tornado