How to ACTUALLY get a Girlfriend Part 2 | Adam Lane Smith

[@joeymak2000]

Definitely struggle finding a better dating pool. I got lucky on hinge with my last relationship. She just got it & was homeschooled, moved a lot, & I was her first boyfriend. It was the most amazing relationship ever. She was amazing, & absolutely pure. True love. But I ruined it & now I’m in therapy trying to fix my challenges in hopes one day I can get her back.. she’s got me blocked on everything lol. I have some unhealthy attachment..

[@AttachmentAdam]

What happened that broke you two up? If you want to talk about it and get some professional advice on this, email me at [e-mail] so I can help

[@ggus1991]

In my opinion, the biggest challenge for most regular guys is that they are not deemed "stimulating" or "attractive" enough. A lot of men who would be great partners only find closed doors and long dry spells because women are looking for "a spark" (what Dr Glover calls emotional tension), and if doesn't manifest itself right away they are never given a chance. As a woman friend of mine once told me: "I think most men are just meh". I very much appreciate her honesty, as it taught me a lot of things.

[@AttachmentAdam]

With regards to stimulating, that's what insecurely attached people tend to focus on. Securely attached people are not obsessed with stimulation but authentic connection. Keep that in mind when filtering.

[@ggus1991]

@@AttachmentAdam indeed, that's true. I think this would actually be a good theme for a future video: how do you differentiate between authentic connection vs you wanting to engage with someone because your insecurity is driving you towards stimulation

[@fernandomoralesyt]

All the advice leads to something... secure attachment, gold info!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Glad you liked this!

[@ayyaanalim8323]

Hi, Adam! Thanks for all these video lectures, they've been really helpful. What age do your think a man should start dating? I'm a college student, and it's difficult splitting focus between studies and relationships, especially when colleagues are solely focused on studies. Should I, as a college student, focus totally on studies for a couple of years, become financially stable first, till what age, if so?

[@AttachmentAdam]

Some men do wait to date until later. Then they often worry they've waited too long. But people can learn relationships at any age, it's not really about picking the right number but doing it when you're stable and secure enough to invest properly.

[@ayyaanalim8323]

​@@AttachmentAdamthanks, Adam!

[@airgin3000]

I say you should not wait!!! Get into relationships and learn!!

[@ayyaanalim8323]

​@@airgin3000that's probably got quite some merit to it, man 😁 Though I wonder if it's best for some people to work out their internal thoughts first

[@BadMotivator66]

Could you speak more about cultivating self-belief, please? And emotional availability, I feel very detached and distant from others, and find it hard to believe my life can get better. Good things don’t tend to happen to me, rather lurching from one thing to another. Or rather it seems that way

[@AttachmentAdam]

This is called an external locus of control, believing that the outside world holds all the power. This starts to change when you define your own principles and goals, chase your mission, build self respect, and start creating change in your own life. Even small changes help this process. Your belief in your own ability will grow and then spread to other areas. This is how men heal.

[@ChaosTherum]

So my last one we started with a coffee because we happened to both be free when we matched and it was something quick, second date was dinner at a sushi/thai restaraunt, third was bowling I told her I wanted a committed relationship and she said she wasn't looking for that so I gave up at that point and stopped going out with her. My go to date is a coffee date at a coffee shop next to a lake here in town, then after about half an hour if the conversation is flowing well I ask if they are hungry and if they are I break out a surprise picnic to eat by the lake, then we walk over to a nearby snow cone shop, that plan hasn't failed yet though I've only used it two times.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Have you ever tried talking to her about looking for commitment on the first date (without asking her to commit yet)?

[@ChaosTherum]

@@AttachmentAdam I'm always up front when I meet people that I'm interested in. Actually one of the best things I've found in your content is that your 3 date method has always pretty much been my approach to dating. It's been very reassuring.

[@Greige_Coyer]

Thanks Uncle Adam!

[@AttachmentAdam]

Ha, you're welcome!

[@airgin3000]

What is the background song on the background??

[@AttachmentAdam]

Not sure, but it's catchy!

[@MrBoxofplastic]

It's hard to find fit women who take care of themselves in their late 30s or 40s. Online dating is mostly a joke for men.

[@AttachmentAdam]

What region are you dating in?

[@MrBoxofplastic]

@@AttachmentAdam Nashville, land of alcohol and southern cooking, lol. Maybe I'll move to Boulder Colorado in 5 years when my kids are grown. Women are fit there.

[@AttachmentAdam]

Which parts of Nashville? Some are worse than others.

[@MrBoxofplastic]

@@AttachmentAdam I live Lebanon, but I socialize in Nashville or kayaking on local rivers. 80s night at the 5spot club is my thing in East Nashville.

[@BrandelSaundh-i7p]

Hi Adam when should I get my girlfriend phone number

[@AttachmentAdam]

If she's your girlfriend, I suggest exchanging contacts as soon as possible so you can coordinate dates. It's also a great time to ask her how much texting she enjoys and if there are times of the night you should let her sleep instead of texting her. Get her number and show consideration at the same time.

[@BrandelSaundh-i7p]

@@AttachmentAdam yup but I have not seen my girlfriend because she was sick

[@AttachmentAdam]

Sounds like a good thing to get settled as soon as possible.

[@BrandelSaundh-i7p]

@@AttachmentAdam yup

[@BrandelSaundh-i7p]

@@AttachmentAdam but how should I ask for my girlfriend phone number