How To Convince Someone With Dementia They Need Help

[@gsimonin1]

As my dear mother in law progressed in her dementia, one day she told me she was afraid, that she didn’t know where she was. This was very unlike her. I thought about it for a moment and replied, “it’s okay mom, you are safe with us and we’re going to take care of you. “. Because we had a long term relationship, she always recognized family members. It was enough.

[@northerngirl1637]

💕💙👍

[@edewest5036]

My husband didn't know me today 1st time ever...in a store 😭 10:21

[@lauramanion3131]

@@edewest5036 Oh dear … Big hug to you ❤️

[@Rustytoolgardener]

@@edewest5036 this is what scares me to death. Strength to you. ❤️

[@ThisOldMan-ya472]

Yes, but even when you think they comprehend, they do not. Try using 4 or less word sentences. The result is the same, to acknowledge their concern.

[@AWanderingEye]

Another thought about the house would be to leave, drive around the block and say "oh shoot I forgot we have to stop at this house and water the plants" then drive back and go inside. by the time inside she may recognize something of the interior so not have the thought "this is not my house".

[@gwendolynpitts5462]

i'm going to use your tip, thanks!

[@AWanderingEye]

Here is 2 years older me and I am humbled that folks are considering using my tips, thank you. One thing that changed with my dad (the Alz pt) was he developed a sense of humor, which brought mine out. We had our little secret, while my mom, his caregiver was out of the loop. She became like a drill sergeant but that was her easiest mechanism: keeping order. She kept his pills, his house, his meals, his appts, and social life together. A tall ask for someone aging, too. All her energy went to those, so his endless questions got curt, usually negative responses. The man slept most of the days away out of choice rather than need due to her uninformed care. She did what she knew and was willing/able to do. Like we all do. I'm just glad I could do some of the emotional acrobatics so I could meaningfully engage with my dad. I was the only one he asked, pointing to the empty yard, "do you see those children?". He was hallucinating and couldn't tell his caregiver. Imagine his internal reactions, and usually, having them all alone. I was able to have a chat with him about the "children" which I hope eased his mind. He just needed to know he was ok, even if he was the only one who saw them.

[@brendadickenson3547]

Just as my husband was moving our wardrobe in the middle of the night, so I asked him what was he doing this for. He told me the refrigerator was in the way and he needed to go to the bsthroom. I said well we do have 3 so come with me and used another one, so I took his hand and led him out of the master bath to our guest one and he said now why didn't I think of that! I told him maybe he was so tired. He accepted that.

[@jeweloo8]

V:

[@douglasfowkes6461]

This is Douglas just to add to the last posting I given here I think it's important that my wife Jessica was only 52 years old and she was at least 48 when I noticed signs of dementia but all of your videos that you did all of the information you handed out was my lifeline to me be my wife's only caregiver because she was denied every service is available to her so I was on my own and you were my lifeline thank you for all your videos and get really save me to help take care of my wife thank you

[@heatherjunker967]

I really needed this video. Dad is in process if getting diagnosed. I have tried for ten years but my parents covered for each other and he refused to go to the doctor. Mom passed and now dad is a lot worse still months later. MRI shows problems but neurologist follow up appt isn't until a few weeks. Dad thinks he can drive and doesn't need any help. I am watching your videos and soaking up all the info I can. You are truly an angel on Earth with helping all of us care for our loved ones. Thank you.

[@trishaplute4850]

When my grandmother was not safe to drive, but insisted on it, my dad came up with a clever solution. He dismantled the car, and put a note under the hood telling anyone she recruited to fix the car what was going on. It worked, as nobody seemed to be able to fix it for her!

[@theaweavers8576]

With the car problem the keys went missing as it was the best solutuon to a really difficult situation ...

[@carlallen3857]

My mom has her appointment in 3 days… 6 week wait. She thinks she is fine. Take the keys and the spare keys. I said insurance suspended until assessment is complete.

[@heartofglass7235]

diagnoses is hard when they are good at fooling others who dont know them. had to go to geriatric dr and have mri done and even then i had to tell him her brain mass was 2 standard deviations lower than normal . “ oh yeah, ok ill prescribe arricept” . not that it helped

[@susanwhite655]

@@heartofglass7235 I would you give you more thumbs up if I could. On my mom's first evaluation, they asked her to spell the word "world" backwards, which she did, and they said oh, she has mild dementia. I got so upset and told them that stupid test does not show that she cannot operate a microwave, almost started a fire on the stove, already gave away her social security checks to sweepstakes instead of paying her past due bills, is eating nothing but toast day in and day out and throwing away everything else, already had the police bring her home because she got lost driving. They finally sent her to a 4-hour interview with a neuropsychologist; after 4 hours of talking, my mom was no longer able to fool, everyone could see the true condition of her brain.

[@denisemerillat5407]

One thing caregivers need to understand is that they are NOT deceiving their loved ones using these techniques. Ultimately, the goal is to do what is in their loved one’s best interest. Their lack of understanding is part of the disease. I really appreciate your videos!

[@vzeimen]

So good! It took me so long and so much frustration to learn how to do this. I felt I had finally overcome arguing and convincing (and for the most part had) and then last week I had a big ol argument over clipping toenails. (sigh). Part of the issue with us caregivers is that we want our loved one to be more themselves and to be logical in these things that seem to be no-brainers. What helps me at each new stage is to take some time to actually mourn incrementally the losses and then see clearly the path forward. This really helps me shift my thinking and be a better caretaker for her.

[@amyhenningsgard8618]

Thanks for sharing!

[@deawallace3584]

Exactly right...mourning the loss of the actual relationship. There is nothing that can save a relationship when a Spouse is not a spouse, but has turned into a narcissistic toddler, and you are now their parent.

[@ThisOldMan-ya472]

At the same time of mourning, learn to accept this is a new person who needs your calming help.

[@TheDWZemke]

You are so spot on! My wife, PhD, has not been a corporate leader for over 7+ years. She believes she is 100% capable. Yet, She can not remember where the coffee cups are in a house that we have lived in for 20+ years, that we use every day. .....(Now that you understand my world). I find that, I end up negotiating things for future discussions. For example. Go to bed here tonight, and tomorrow we can discuss... going home. You know if you do "X" for me it will make my life better. Lastly, my wife will remember that she has been arguing / debating with someone for hours... but NOT remember what the discussion was about or with whom, with in 5 min of the discussion. (We live alone). To your point, logical discussion is over ruled by her feelings.

[@SuperNewKittie]

Thank you so much for posting this. I really love the idea of "discussing it later". My mom stopped drinking 22 years ago after many years of having a nightly glass of wine (or two) with dinner. She was prompted to quit by a sudden acute pancreatitis attack the doctors attributed to alcohol. Her dementia has been slowly progressing for 5 or 6 years but has recently become more pronounced and she and my dad picked up their nite-cap routine again. My dad mistakenly thought it would help with her anxious/ agitated behavior but it has turned into her feigning for alcohol almost from the first moment they wake up in the morning until they go to bed every night. It became really bad recently when she was sneaking his gin and guzzling it in the mornings and she was spending the entire day drunk and mean. She fell into her nightstand around 10 days ago and had to be hospitalized for two nights for a brain bleed (we were so lucky it wasn't much worse!). The drinking was a high concern to the hospital staff and we were told she had to stop. My dad had already been working on trying to end the drinking once he realized it made his life a living hell, but my mom's dementia has made her meaner than a hornet's nest, and she is very stubborn, so he would relent and go to the store to buy wine for her every day just to have a few minutes of peace in his life. Now with the injury, he has stuck to his guns and refuses to buy it for her, but she never stops asking for it. She's on a loop all day long about it, and calls me and my daughter multiple times a day to yell at us that we are in on this conspiracy with my dad to ruin her life. I am learning a lot from some of the dementia groups I've joined about how to talk to my mom with this condition but nothing seems to work for this alcohol thing. I am going to try the technique you've mentioned. Thanks so much.

[@nancyevans1278]

@@SuperNewKittie I feel terrible for you and for your situation! My neighbor had a very clever solution that worked for her when her husband, who had dementia, wanted to continue his evening drinking routine. She gave him a watered down 'version' with grape juice and water mixed together, which she served to her husband in a wine glass. She kept this concoction in a carafe so it would look like red wine. He enjoyed his glasses of wine every night. I hope that something like this might work for you. Good luck!

[@bratniadusza480]

@@SuperNewKittie there are plenty of alcohol-free alternatives, but the answer from @nancyevans1278 is also clever

[@maryc9312]

@@SuperNewKittie Alcoholism is really tough. My mother is in the same boat but she lives alone. I really believe a lot of her dementia was brought on by alcohol and the impact her drinking has had on her gut health. It’s like a double whammy

[@antm64]

As a former care provider, this is the most valuable video I have ever seen!! Everyone caring for a dementia person needs to understand and follow your advice!!

[@drc04]

I find the comments almost as helpful as the video! Join your local Alzheimer’s Support Group!

[@Bareness]

I agree!

[@candicane1]

8 years in with my LO and they still are convinced they are completely fine. It’s beyond frustrating. Yes, I know it’s the disease, but it’s still frustrating.

[@stevecrane8102]

Hopefully by now, you realize you don’t have to convince them that they are not fine, you just have to work around it.

[@mapleext]

I don’t think it’s a piece of cake to work around it. I mean you can get better at it but it’s still quite a challenge.

[@chook1678]

It's horrible. My 62 yo husband has become physically abusive. Always been verbally horrendous. Anyone else experience this?

[@johnhaller5851]

​@@chook1678That's when a care home would start using drugs. Hospice has many tools for that, if they are eligible for hospice.

[@jancoleman84]

Learning about anosognosia from you was one of the most enlightening moments in understanding the behavior of my mother with dementia.

[@shaynebergwever6268]

Same here, great information here

[@KactusKM]

My mom ALWAYS has had a lack of awareness! That is what makes this so difficult - from a borderline personality issue to dementia. The only thing has changed is her memory and her physical inabilities.

[@MaryannAyer-t9q]

What is anisognosia

[@jancoleman84]

@@MaryannAyer-t9q here is the definition: Anosognosia is a neurological condition in which the patient is unaware of their neurological deficit or psychiatric condition. It is associated with mental illness, dementia, and structural brain lesion, as is seen in right hemisphere stroke patients.

[@annwatts9884]

Thank you, so insiteful. For the first time today she sat outside carehome saying why have you brought me here. i did it all wrong but luckily she decided to go with it and get out of car. My horror was she pushed open car door and got out without even looking for oncoming traffic , luckily nothing coming. Another Lesson learned. On the good side i have been listening to your talks and stopped confrontations and correcting with redirecting and we had a lovely afternoon.

[@CadusBane]

How I wish you could help me right now! My mom has all of the signs of at least stage four vascular dementia. And I am disabled with reflex sympathetic dystrophy. I’ve told her doctor over and over again. He is also my doctor, but he can’t tell me anything. We a leaving a a few hours for a long car trip across two states. I have my permit back, but she won’t let me drive! Last week she ran the busiest red light in town twice. There was five car horns going off at us. Last year around Christmas we almost got T boned because she doesn’t pay attention when driving! She’s lost four of her upper front teeth. Because she stopped brushing her teeth. She did the same thing as you talk about in this video she accused me of replacing the lights in the bathroom last year. She’s got physical with me and I’ve taken pictures of it. But she won’t face it at all. Her doctor has ordered her to get an MRI and she won’t do it. Nothing I say works!!! If anyone reads this it’s October 12th and tomorrow is the 13th. If a person of faith and prayer. Please pray for us as we travel through WI today and tomorrow MN. She’s paranoid, has sudden mood swings, is very impulsive, and when she’s not all she does is sleep. I have done all I can do because the state of Wisconsin can’t help me till she’s diagnosed. And she won’t get the test done to get diagnosed and it’s bad. It’s so so bad. She’s hasn’t cooked since thanksgiving if 2021. I’ve lived off snack food, junk food and fast food so much my stomach is a mess. I had to finally stop eating at times. Because the stress and my own pain issues. I am sick all the time because I’m in my last stage of my own illness. I have God and I know he’s on my side. But being in this all alone is so tough. I had a girlfriend of nine years keep saying will figure it out. I begged her last year to move up here and help me. She freaked out and didn’t know what to do. I knew then it was over. When I ended it in June, she’d later write back out of hurt and anger I was right she never was brave enough to move. Does anyone know how tough it is to be with a mom that was emotionally and physically abusive till I got too big to hit. Then watch her control my dad for so many years. How she had to have the dishes and the house set up. Now it’s a little house in the north woods she won’t let anyone else enter because of the mess it is inside. I am awful for saying this but I can’t wait for her to get found out because I’ve tried for two years. Nothing has happened but she’s gotten so much worse. God bless anyone that read this I power dumped a lot. I’m scared and I’m alone and it’s really tough to be in this battle all alone. I have faith and trust that the Lord will be done.

[@davidhaskell4837]

You are not alone, others like myself go through similar battles. Your alone in your battle but not in the war is a good way to put it. It can be rough when you love them so much. But keep going your a warrior.

[@christineantwine277]

i hope things have improved for you. i cant even imagine the struggles you are having. im glad you are holding to your faith but please realize the devastating things we are facing is not from Him. it is from ... well... this will explain, 1John 5:19. but there is hope because God is aware. i do not want to be preaching here so will stop. try contacting organizations that might have information where you can get help for free. the Lyons club might have information. even calling senior centers around your location might have information you can use in order to get help. my heart goes out to you.

[@adelinamadjarova7518]

Leave God, he might or might not help. You need a person to take care of you and your mother. Or two carers.

[@notmeee7302]

There is an adult protective services in your state that you can call yourself. Call the police. Call somebody. Keep calling until you get help.

[@lanettesweeney5536]

You need help for yourself, to talk to a counselor and maybe a social worker. But first focus on yourself, on talking about what you’re going through. Even if only virtual, you need emotional support and to talk about all you’ve gone through. Stay brave. -a fellow warrior

[@miumama2007]

Thank you. I have been doing the wrong way...showing evidence, step by step asking my loved one to think if something makes sense. Now, its a big discovery that it doesn't work at all!!!! Thank you so much for the enlightenment

[@emilykrahn3185]

Thank you so much, I was doing this all wrong. I kept thinking, if I just explain this very slowly and carefully, the logic, they'll finally get it, but now I see they don't get it and can't get it, and I have to focus on what am I trying to accomplish, what is the goal. And just get that done. They may not need to understand, because they probably are incapable of understanding. Thank you.

[@audraberreth7632]

I was a CNA in the early 90’s and we were forced to use Reality Orientation. I’m so glad they’ve moved on from that, because it exacerbated their behavior. My step mother is in early stage and now you’ve helped me to understand her “denial” and “contentiousness” with my dad and give him some strategy to help. Thank you!

[@sandraoommen]

99

[@sandraoommen]

Thanks so 😊

[@sandraoommen]

I86i⁹pi😮😊

[@elizabethyoung4900]

@audraberreth7632 I used to hate being told to use RO, it's so unkind and distressing. Thank heavens they've moved on

[@HellaBella]

Great way to approach a difficult situation. My grandma has started going to the grocery store every day and buying stuff to the point of stuffing her fridge beyond capacity. Now it is filled with out of date/moldy food. I am so overwhelmed at the prospect of cleaning up over there. I don’t want to upset her or make her think she’s not good enough but we can’t continue to let her live in such a gross environment. She watches the same movie every single day and gets up and does the same routine for the most part. Right now she’s able to live alone but I don’t think she will be able to for much longer. She has delusions that her abusive ex husband has moved in next door and she also told us she’s been getting mail from his new wife, but then told us the mail is thrown away when we ask to see it. It’s crazy how this stuff progresses. She was okay last year and now she is a completely different person.

[@debby891]

Sounds like exactly what I’m going through with my mom and she gets so paranoid about everything

[@mikewoodley8767]

Goal cantered vs problem centered 🙃 thank you !

[@toadhall5041]

So many people object to "lying" to your loved one. Being kind is way more important. Example: telling a woman who is asking for her husband that her husband is dead is in fact cruel. Lying by saying he's at work is kind.

[@jimmiecox2496]

That's the type of question that I will gently change the subject. It generally works.

[@virginiatozier9957]

You can see what the dementia is doing to them. Don't be blind to what it's doing to you. This world is full of liars, it doesn't need another one. Find a soft was to say it.

[@KarinCrawford]

Or even better, you'll see him after a while... which is true in one sense...

[@elizabethyoung4900]

​@@virginiatozier9957sounds like you're advocating Reality Orientation which is no longer considered as a way to deal with things, it's deemed unkind and distressing

[@tracybenson6364]

Please be kind. The individual who suggested that we tell her “he’s‘. ‘at work’ was offering a solution. She does not need to be shamed. And The individual with dementia has memory loss. She still has feelings and knows you are annoyed. If we could all just be kind to EVERYONE (including ourselves) all of us could be so much better.

[@michaelzumpano7318]

For example: My mother believes the cemetery workers moved her mother’s and father’s graves. For four years we pass the cemetery every day on our rides, and for FOUR YEARS!!!! I have been struggling to get her to understand! I’ve shown her pictures that obviously show her parents are where they’ve always been. I’ve had the cemetery staff meet with her and explain the legal ramifications of such a move. OMG! Tomorrow, we are just going to start taking a route that doesn’t go by the cemetery. Jeez! I should really take an IQ test.

[@RL-kn2dt]

Thank you I needed this post. 😂

[@douglasfowkes6461]

Hi my name is Douglas my wife is Jessica I'd love to view comments throughout the last couple years on some of your things but you've had the best videos my wife she's passed away from dementia but I couldn't have done it as your caregiver without watching your videos I've been on board for probably four years now I think she had a rapid decline here at the end but because it's just been me and my wife we've had no help because I don't protect the services traumatize your victimize your neglected her with her sisters who cannot take care of her so thank you thank you for all your videos excellent stuff on everything thank you I don't know where to post this or how to get a direct email this is like the newest video I've seen so I'm not very tech savvy but thank you thank you thank you for all that you done because it helped me beyond anything else, thank you Douglas

[@Robynn-pr4lv]

My mother is in a nursing home. She is convinced that she doesn't need to be there & she will be able to come home & do chores & cook meals & never hallucinate & fall. The nursing home's doctor told her it is up to me when/if she can come home. So now my mom thinks that I don't love her & don't want her around. I know why I want to convince her she needs help. So she knows how loved & precious she is to me & does not have the stress of constantly tryingto convince me she's fune. I get that part. I just don't know what steps to take next.

[@maryburns3205]

Oz

[@Catherine-si5zk]

I don't know how to deal with it either

[@Catherine-si5zk]

My mom is so far gone She gets more angry and angry each day

[@dianebrown5914]

First of all know that you did the RIGHT THING. Dementia changes people. It's not her talking, it's the disease. It's very hard to love someone who thinks you don't. Old people are a bit like small children, Try to give her something else to focus on. It's a bit like trying to get a child not to touch a fire by waving another toy and making it look more desirable.

[@alexmorgan3435]

Thank you Dr Natalie. Your video is so timely and helpful. I have adopted this strategy in the last few months as I am so sick of arguing with my mother it goes absolutely no where and is pointless for the reasons you give for both the LO and the care giver. So now I just do, with only the necessary conversation to get her to do the things she needs to do or I need her to do for her benefit. Nothing more. Things seem to be better now although not hugely better. Often I still have to bite my lip really hard, but a quiet life is the prize. Thanks again.

[@KactusKM]

@@SamSlugg456I so understand. My mom has betrayed me and lied to me my entire life, emotional neglect where I had to care for her needs since a very young child. I was always the responsible one. She carried on trauma behaviors from her past to me, her only child. And while I was codependent for so long and didn’t know the difference, I have learned and stepped into my own self. Still dealing with cptsd however and the pull that her dementia has on trying to draw me back into codependent behaviors and give up caring for myself. This is a truly hellish situation. I have had her power of atty, health directive, etc and we have subsidized her housing and solved her real world problems since my dad died. 30 years ago. She transferred all the responsibility for her life from dad to us. I am so raw and needing to care for myself before I can care for anyone else. I thank God that my husband does not have the history with her that I do and he does the interactions while I work behind the scenes trying to be creative for her and remain safe for myself. We are pursuing independent care for her so we can just be with her at times and not try to handle all her care. She cannot live in her own anymore.

[@undonemissionarts4222]

Thank you! This has been such a challenge because things change moment to moment and sometimes I feel guilty when I choose not to be honest in order to solve problems

[@miragaiamaia8966]

i think about it like this: when we reach the level where we need to use magical thinking, honesty doesn't apply, and maybe some other values... i'm just starting this road...

[@diane4071]

I needed this video, caregiving to hubby who denies he has dementia. Just the other night, he thought someone was knocking on the door, he goes downstairs in his underwear to see who is out there. Of course there was no one there.

[@btpuppy2]

I just wonder why people with dementia seem to always make everything so difficult or even impossible? Why don’t more people just QUIETLY lose their faculties while being pleasant and non-combative? My grandmother was like this. Super easy.. but not my mother! Why is it always such a huge fight?

[@dudanunesbleff]

I believe that it's because most people aren't really quiet or nice. They may have behaved like that, but it was a very long act, to be socially accepted.

[@DustinKillyact]

I'm thinking the person Im having this problem with was already like that all their life they drove every person involved away with insanity they wouldn't admit it then and is just worse about it now

[@wyleddawg6130]

​@@DustinKillyactyes I understand that too. The doctors diagnosing my mother were trying to get a baseline for my mother's aggressive behaviour and I kept saying that is her personality just hugely magnified. They thought she may have been a drinker or smoker that suddenly she had to give up and was angry about that. She wasnt. Her way or the highway.

[@rebeccamoore4177]

My mother also did not fit society’s norms. It was tiring to explain so if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t.

[@blind5211]

there could be different reasons... one of them is, like the author of this video said, they might have no awareness that they can no longer work, or why. It might literally make no sense to them. As ridiculous as it sounds, they might not realize their condition, even after you prove it to them. It's a mental abnormality that happens with people sometimes. Of course, to them, it would look like people are trying to get them to retire for no good reason. But it could be a different reason too. Brain is a complicated thing, but the most important thing is, don't assume that they understand everything, that they control everything they're doing or saying perfectly, that they "just wanna resist and be stubborn" etc., because it could always be something else entirely, even when it looks like stubbornness. And remember, it could be really painful to lose a job, or the ability to work at all. This whole condition is obviously very painful, so just living with it can often be a reason for their bad mood

[@valerieeves4557]

I appreciate what you are saying in this video but am having a hard time applying it to my situation with my mother. She should not be living alone but refuses to move or have help come in. She is an extremely negative person and sits all day at her kitchen table being angry and blaming me because her Dr. took her license away. Being alone is very bad for her mental health. I live an hour away but there is a person taking her out for groceries and cleaning ladies come to do housework. How do I get her moved without trying to convince her? I often have to back off because I get angry and particularly because I am the target of her wrath.

[@davidhunter5062]

I’m with you on “how do you apply this to the mom-can-no-longer-live-alone?” situation. The goal is to keep her safe. The only solution, since she had dementia and dad just passed away two weeks ago, is for her to not live alone and assisted living is the only real alternative. But how do you accomplish your objective by “diversion”? (The “this is not my home” situational response of “Oh, I know, we just had to stop here and check on the owners’ cat”, etc. has no equivalent to the living at home safely problem…as far as I can see.)

[@paulbunsell3736]

I’m in the same situation. My dad has just been diagnosed with Korsakoff (alcohol induced dementia) and the doctors have stated he needs 24/7 care in an aged care facility as we don’t have anyone who can look after him around the clock. At least he’s not leaving the hospital until this is resolved, so I won’t be getting calls from the police that he’s fallen in front of a car again, or crashed a car, or been unconscious on a park bench. He furious and says it’s my fault I didn’t help him earlier - I live 1000 kms away in a different state and have gone up multiple times to bring him back, help him sort out his house, rescue him. I’ve also booked him into rehab 3 times prior to the diagnosis and he’s refused at the last moment to go. He’s only 68 years old. Then other times he says he’s fine, has no problem, and asks why I lied to the doctors about his behaviours. I’m so angry at him too, but at the same time I just want him safe. And I also want him in an environment where he can socialise with new people, where he’s living his best life. I have no idea how to solve this just yet.

[@debby891]

This sounds like my life with my mom except I care for her 24/7

[@goodpony1971]

i’m in the same situation over here. My dad basically killed himself and I think it was so he could get away from my mom with mild dementia, because who knows- she may have had dementia since she was 50 and no one knew it. She’s always been paranoid and delusional and hostile and aggressive, and then she can be a sweet and docile child like go-getter. I guess I always thought she was just a narcissistic borderline personality who was a very toxic individual and now she’s 81 and my dad‘s been dead Almost a month and she refuses to go anywhere or hire any help and even if I get a caregiver for a few hours a day that won’t be enough because she’s still driving and she loops every five minutes but then other time she has crystal clear memory and it’s scary! I’ve taken over everything and sometimes I think maybe I’ve made a horrible mistake and I doubt everything and I feel like I’m gonna get in huge trouble. And also, it’s hard for me to call her my “Lo”, because I don’t know if I even love her. She’s horrible and she abused my poor dad, unfortunately I am the closest person to her, and Im suffering terrible guilt and feelings of responsibility for her even though she has always been her own worst enemy. I don’t know how to think backwards to solve this impossible riddle. I usually just pray that she will die peacefully in her sleep and so I can say, “thank God that nightmare is finally over”. And then I just feel like a terrible person for thinking that and of course the next time she calls me she’ll be sweet and nice and say something like I’m a wonderful daughter and she loves me and she got my daughter a lot of nice Christmas presents and she misses my dad and then I flashback to her pinching him and throwing water on him and screaming at him And I get caught in this loop.

[@itzchelleytime185]

@@debby891me too…..

[@sandyschneider6792]

Your channel was extremely helpful! My mom has passed away. She died from “Terminal Restlessness” which was never titled or addressed and created serious problems with hospice and I in the end stages. It was very traumatic for both of us…primarily my mom. I was told to sedate her and she would sleep for 24 hours…get dehydrated, and Season’s Day care would get upset with me not bringing her in on a “regular” schedule! They had NO u derstanding if her situation.😓🙁. Perhaps you could address “terminal Restlessness” at some point because …even the ALZ help line did not address it. I learned about it 3 months after she passed and all our trauma/drama. 😵‍💫🙁

[@yvonnerojas5737]

I wonder if that's what my husband has who continually needs to be doing something. He gets mad w me if I don't want to go out w him every day and that is still not enough! He also doesn't want to eat. I have to fight w him about that. He's lost so much weight.

[@JennySimon206]

You can't force a dying body to absorb nutrients. Do not force food into someone not hungry. Their body can't assimilate it. They can't even force IV fluids when the kidneys are failing.

[@4everyoung24]

This makes sense! Lightbulbs just went on! What about them having access to computers and social media? It’s one of my mother’s major sources of interaction. I keep an eye on her private messages but there have been people who are trying to scam her. I think the whole thing is difficult because it’s a parent and you feel like you’re treating them like a child. It’s frustrating but also so, so sad because they used to be so smart and active.

[@missnucci26]

This is great! And this ‘method’ can be used way beyond your family member with dementia. Thank You!!

[@shaynebergwever6268]

Great video, "They will never understand their limitations". It's more important we are aware of our loved ones condition, we can take necessary measures to keep them safe. Great advice, lost Dad to Alzheimer's and it looks like mum has a dementia. I thought it was denial, but after watching this, I'm understanding what's happening.

[@GinaElliott-j2w]

I've found that people with this diagnosis are often stuck in a time they would prefer to be in. For instance, I have a patient who believes she's in Oregon with her horses and cows. Often times she'll ask me to clean a horse stall or get the cows in. This I believe is when she was the happiest. So I'll check horse stalls or pick fresh tomatoes from her garden. I just go with it. It seems easier to just go along with it.

[@Catherine-si5zk]

Thank you

[@keariewashburn4680]

I'm so burned out that it is really hard to get creative now. I'm a retired nurse and my aunt needs to go to a long term care facility for 24 hour care. She sustained 3rd degree burns. She has been alcoholic most of her life. I termed it as finding her a new apartment to go to. She does not remember her actual house at all. Of course the deed and finances need to be put in for medicaid. She had me as POA but the revoked. So, we have to wait for court to appoint guardian/conservator. She is still at the hospital that is an hour and half away. Now her general disposition is coming out of " I can do my own affairs" and " I don't agree with these things" also asking me how much have I got accomplished, and what am I doing. I'm thinking her real mean side is getting ready to explode. I am sick from this. She isn't the only one in my family really. I think I'm having a breakdown and I can't make the system go fast enough and it's so damned complicated.

[@KarinCrawford]

So sorry you're experiencing this! How challenging!

[@b.bernal6151]

I know how difficult it is. I’m having a similar situation with my uncle, but I learned a lot dealing with my mom who passed away a few months ago and trying not to commit the same mistakes. I felt I was having a breakdown too when I brought her to live with me and had to place my mom in ALF where she passed away within a month. It always helps if you have someone to talk to.

[@ainsliejones3764]

You have no idea how helpful this was. I can be more creative without feeling I’m living or cheating on my wife, thank you

[@marysusa6985]

OMG, this is soooo helpful. Just like all your videos, but I really needed to hear this today. Thank you so very much for your generosity in sharing your knowledge with us.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad it was helpful!

[@jillorcutt6830]

I need a creative explanation to get my older sister to allow the aides at her facility to wash her hair. About 6 weeks ago, she said "NO" when it was time to wash her hair. The aide spoke to her supervisor and was told "We cannot for e her to get her hair washed." I live 4 hours away and when I was there about 2 weeks ago, she told me her hair had just been washed the day before I arrived! Any suggestions will be so appreciated.

[@heatheranne3103]

Thank you, Dr. Natali. Exactly the balm so many of us need.

[@hesterdeyzel8934]

So good. For a long time I thought that by helping my husband to stay part of decision making will prolong progression of dementia. It really does take a toll.

[@susanmeredith4957]

I learned after awhile arguing doesn’t help. It was hard to do, and in the beginning it felt like I was just letting her go. I tried so hard to keep her in the real world but it didn’t work. You can’t. And once I learned this fact our relationship got easier. You’re so right. They can no longer be in our world, and we have to enter theirs. Instead of saying no, that’s not your son in the restaurant, I’d just say, he’s very handsome and go along with it. Etc.

[@mollyvollmer608]

I only wish I could have used some of these techniques with my mother. She was a very stubborn woman. Even the nurses, as nice as they were, had an extremely difficult time with her. It was heartbreaking. I am thankful now to learn this 😊

[@aprilpremiere]

This is your best composed video I have seen yet. The repeated emphasis on the main point the pragmatic steps to solution, concise yet repetitive for emphasis. bravo Natalie, you are ready to lead a Master class. Similar to Cesar Milan, the goal is to teach the caregiver how to approach the pet/ patient. It's the caregivers mindset/ perspective that needs the adjustment.

[@meditationpraise]

Thank you so much he's a great help with my whole family

[@angelinalanzillotti2773]

This is exactly where we are with our Loved one. This video is so helpful and help so hard, aka think outside the box.

[@christianemichelberger8245]

This is genius. My sister is becoming demented and we are having exactly this problem.

[@reenimelgoza6450]

This video was my light bulb moment. Eye opening! Now to act, not react. Thank you!

[@theaweavers8576]

Unfortunately they will never understand or remember what u want them to so u have to be imaginative to get to your goal xxxx

[@Godresponds]

My mom was just diagnosed with invasive cancer. She is a retired nurse and is in charge of her own care in another state. People who are losing reasoning and were medical professionals are very challenging to reason with. My stepfather is incapable of helping advocate on her behalf. Moved twice to be closer and help each time she resents any reasoning. Will apply these tactics and see how we do.

[@sandrafigueroa3429]

Thank you dr. Natalie . I’ve been watching your videos for the past two years when my husband got diagnosed with Louis body dementia Parkinson’s. I I’m trying to understand for when he gets worst he is ok now with a few things that he sees but he still understand what’s going on .😔🙏🏼

[@TheFluffyPeacock]

I think you need your person to understand and accept for you. At least that's how it is in my case. All the talking and reasoning in the world can't make my mother understand that this is her home, so now I just tell her it's my home and she seems fine with that most days unless she's having a day where she doesn't remember I am her daughter. It's very tough. I sure do appreciate these videos as well as hearing about other people's problems and how they are dealing with them!

[@KAVIANSTREET]

That is what I was going to say. We don’t want to admit that our mother can’t understand anymore. It makes the disease and the situation more real.

[@susanwhite655]

@@KAVIANSTREET Yes, you reminded me of our motto we rehearsed and put on the wall when my mom moved in. Each day is a new day, a little better than tomorrow and a little worse than yesterday. We had to do that for our own mental health - face the truth of the situation. Caregiving to dementia and Alzheimer's is not an uphill battle but a downhill one.

[@KAVIANSTREET]

@@susanwhite655 I like that. That’s true.

[@elizabethsawyer4951]

Deep thinking and sometimes I can't come up with a thing

[@Deryee123]

There is no use trying to reason with them or convince them. Just figure an alternative to accomplish the goal. Thank you, great advice.

[@GiselleFrench]

Wow. I had a friend send me the link for this video and I really needed to see this! ❤

[@melanieadiseshan9027]

Thank you SO much for your wonderful communications! I found you via IG when I was in the US last year and brought you home to Sydney, Australia. I wish you were here permanently too. My spouse has vascular (from a R Lacunar Infarct in 2014) and fronto-temporal (from 2 punctate strokes in 2019) dementia. I've struggled alone for 8 of the past 10 years. Thanks to you and Montessori Care, I'm managing a little better now, but am just exhausted trying to out-think the nuances of this disease. Appreciate you xo

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Sending you SO MUCH LOVE!

[@janstanley538]

I have listened to many of your videos for a few years now but this is definitely the most helpful one for me. Thank you so much!

[@LC-pk4zz]

ok... this is really good. My sister and I have been doing it all wrong and getting ourselves so frustrated. TY!!!

[@harryl7946]

Tell me bout it! Mother in law. 88 yo and husband left her 12 years ago. He wanted to travel and she didn’t want to go anywhere. He went - she stayed. Lovely.

[@lifeisstillrad9296]

Honestly, o feel like this is awesome advice for both dealing with my strong headed spirited 5 year old as well as my 68yr old father in law with the dementia issues

[@pamfreeman6376]

I am dealing with both my parents having dementia. I'm responsible for most things. I have M.S. and many other things including chronic pain. I don't know what I'm going to do as they get worse. There is no $ for care.😢

[@bcLCurtis214]

Check out Gabor Mate - neurologist who details how caregivers get autoimmune diseases from burnout. Save yourself.

[@jacquiesegafredo]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you get the best results you are looking for.

[@kimbutler6912]

Omg this is the most helpful teachings / advice / insight , thank you thank you

[@cindynielson4231]

What I'm getting from you is to try to make them feel helpful and needed. Great ideas.

[@debby891]

Best video ever, this is exactly what it’s like

[@moparmissile]

Thank you so much. Like an Angel you have appeared on my youtube feed in our time of need. We are facing all the things you have outlined and will try to implement them with our mother. Thanks again ❤

[@amberbrittany7546]

Your videos have been helping me. I was so confused living with my exes old widowed dad it didn’t seem Like he really had dementia but now it all makes sense & it’s progressing. Nobody talks about how to handle this ! Ty !

[@kathrynbritt3463]

You described my aunt perfectly. Any suggestions on how to get her to memory care? There is finally an opening and I need to get her there ASAP. Not safe in her own home and starting to wander. Recently diagnosed but known for years. Please help!

[@AWanderingEye]

Here's a thought I came up with: is there something about her home she has wanted fixed over the years? Maybe a rouse would be to say "please stay at this hotel while we redo your paint/carpet, etc. Don't worry about how we're paying for it, we've got that covered. Just go and enjoy yourself at the hotel while we get this done." Get memory care staff onboard using "hotel" instead of memory care ward. Many memory care facilities have things like a cafe, beauty salon, theatre so are like a kind of mall. Hoping that you can make her transition as pain free as possible! When we had to take my dad to nursing home because my mom had broken femur and needed to be in nursing care herself, the staff met him at the car and walked with him inside so none of us know how it went down. He had alz. and my mom was the primary care giver. During his stay he had access to phone and would have them call our numbers asking to be picked up, but we each had to just say we couldn't pick him up. We would visit and leaving was the most difficult time, got to say, is there anything I should bring you the next time I come? just to get out the door. Many tears on our parts but it also meant he got anti anxiety meds and likely was more relaxed and less concerned about day to day life than he was when living with my mom. she wasn't an esp good caregiver in general so house was filled with arguments. he didn't get anti anxiety meds until he as in memory care as they didn't abide with meds for his condition. it would have helped both of my parents immensely but the flat out refused.

[@GirdsHerStrength]

I’ve basically come to the conclusion my dad doesn’t understand his cognitive limitations, but didn’t know there was a term for it. Thank you for the strategy on how to manage it.

[@TheHabboWizz]

Just been thru this with my mum who is now in full time hospital level care for her dementia. She fought us every step of the way and made the guilt overwhelming at times. We know she is being looked after now and is safe but the journey is harrowing to get there. 😟

[@amtrue_]

Oh my goodness! I can solve for this! I will solve for this! Thank you Dr. Natali

[@m.d.5335]

I have found ALL of your videos extremely helpful and comforting to know I have a resource and that I am not alone But this one was perhaps the most helpful videos , for my current situation, I’ve watched so far. Thank you!!!

[@sharonliew5833]

Absolutely ingenious!! Thank you! Now i better understand n will try creative thinking with my clients. Am a aged care support worker.

[@lorrainefreer5129]

Thankyou so much for this straight forward information. My dear mother is 99 years old tomorrow, still in her own home and she has dementia. As she lives over 500km away and because of Covid and a very ill husband I haven't seen her for 3years. I have 3 brothers and a sister who live closer and have been looking after her. I phone her frequently, but lately she doesn't seem to know who I am. I am going up to see her tomorrow and will try this information with her, I feel so much more relief having this knowledge I am sure it will make conversation easier. I am in my late seventies as are my brothers and sister. But its never too late to learn new methods. again I thank you and appreciate your words of wisdom. I am in Australia.

[@azguardian]

4:33 This is great advice for anyone assisting a loved one with dementia! It can be hard for a legal guardian to practically help their family member even after gaining legal authority. Creative thinking and redirection is key!

[@TitianTopsyTurvy]

Thank you so much, I had no clue this was what was happening with my Mum. ❤

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad I could help!

[@tonyavalvo1956]

This is so helpful thank you!! Do we use this same technique with moments of rage during sundowners? Or is the response to them a little different?

[@michaelzumpano7318]

Wow. This video was a revelation for me. I’ve been struggling with all these problems. Thank you dear. You’re doing great work.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

So glad the video helped!

[@oreoandoz7723]

This was like a light bulb going off! Thank you so much. Subscribed! Can you do a video on what to do about pets with dementia parents? I don't want to rip the pets away, and try to rehome them, very traumatic for both parent and pets - but she can no longer adequately care for them. I'm not close enough to go in every day and feed the dog, let the dog out, feed the cats, check that they're all ok. Thank you!

[@e.j.grandmaison8563]

I used to teach preschoolers (2-4 year olds) . We were using the redirection technique to get them on the right path. This sounds a lot like it. Because you really can't reason with a 3 year old. So, this is useful. Thank you!

[@insidedianeslife2456]

Just starting my journey. About 7 months in and this is the first video that actually gave me some hope that I can help my loved one without the fighting. And being a detective sounds so much more exciting, then just reacting. Thank you so much.

[@dnice3473]

Mannnn u just helped me so much and it just clicked… I’ve been watching so many videos.. and I see these stories and blogs where families get together.. and they figure it all out.. that’s the best case scenario… Well my dad dosent realize what’s going on… and it’s not some Brady bunch story…. But what am I trying to do by trying to get my dad he is having problems?!? I just have to weather thru this storm.. he dosent need to understand and admit that he is having problems… he is having problems… period.. But I have so many family members that are not here.. so they think I’m making thing up, so it makes me seem like a liar… but oh well… I know what’s going on… I love my dad so much and I’m going to weather this storm because I love him to the world and back and I don’t need anyone else, that’s not here to understand.. and I don’t need to prove it.. I don’t need anyones elses aproval.. When my dad denies his hallucinations, and his delusions… my family members that know nothing about dementia, ask him if he is hallucinations, and he denies it, it’s ok… I don’t need him to confirm it.. maybe he doesn’t know, or maybe he dosent just dosent understand… But I love my dad and I know what’s going on… I used to try to get him to admit it.. but oh well, he dosent have too… I’m here for him and I have his back… It just clicked that I don’t have to get him or anyone else to understand.. My dad told me he sees giants walking down the street and he talks to our dead aunt,,, I was so spooked and scared, I told my brother….. my brother asked and my dad told him he dosent know what I’m talking about… So I’ve been trying to get my dad to admit it and I’ve been trying to prove it… I have to let it go! I know what’s going on and nobody else is here and I know everything else that’s been going on… I just need to be here for my dad! This whole situation is so scary,,, on top of it all, I’m a single dad trying to raise a toddler by myself and help my dad… But there is no point in trying to prove it and get my dad to admit what’s going on

[@susanwhite655]

Your enlightenment is beautiful DNice34. And you bring up an additional situation that alot of us are facing too. They are talking about renaming our generation to "sandwiches", feeding our children with one hand and feeding our parents with the other, and caregivers are stuck inbetween. I want to encourage you to hang in there. It's a long, steady road.

[@nancyrandall1762]

You are a brave person! I too am scared sometimes; you should feel proud of yourself for taking care of your dad and if no one else believes you, that is their fault. Someday they will and when they feel guilty I wouldn't even say it's OK. I have a brother who won't help and now that i am taking care of our brother, he has cut me off. His loss. Bless you!

[@dnice3473]

@@susanwhite655 thank you so much

[@dnice3473]

@@nancyrandall1762 yep, it’s already a lot for you and me. It is scary to see our loved ones suffer from this horrible disease, and we suffer with them, then not to have the support from our other relatives is absolutely sickening. My dad is progressing so fast, I’m not sure how long this has been going on and I just didn’t notice it. It really tears me to pieces seeing him in this state, and to him I smile and act like everything is normal and I didn’t notice him being confused and not knowing what’s going on, or confused and not know how to tie his shoe, etc…. I am trying to the best of my ability not to have hate in my heart towards my brother and the others that I told, and they don’t believe me. I just wanted to let them know so they wouldn’t wonder why I didn’t tell them, and I also needed someone to talk to about the scary stuff going on. Your brother will definitely regret it. I’m sorry you are having to go thru this without him having your back

[@johnhaller5851]

Maybe you could record him talking, and that might make it easier to convince the relatives. Still, have the relatives watch this video so they know that it's not helpful talking to Dad, who doesn't remember what happened yesterday. I found with my mom that just watching television can greatly confuse my mom, who can't tell the difference between where she is with what's on TV. We watched a video about someone taking a train journey. On the way to bed, she asked if this train has a bathroom, so she obviously thought she was on a train. One time, she asked me if Aunt Kate knew i was getting packages at her house, so she must have thought we were visiting her long-dead aunt, and didn't belive that i owned this house.

[@maryellentrella1030]

I wish I had this info when someone in my family had the same diagnosis!

[@linda.brotherton1689]

Wow thank you so much for this teaching.🌺

[@GeminiNight]

Thank you for this. I am not experienced in caring but I am living with and helping my grandmother and we've had so many circular arguments that leave us both feeling frustrated. I wish someone had asked me before "Why is it important she understands." This is not easy, but I will keep trying to improve.

[@plain_me]

This was the balm for my overwhelmed and worried mind. And, a Big "Ah-Ha!" moment! Thank you for all you are doing ❤

[@hughesjill53]

An excellent video, some very good advice and will come in handy for future use. We haven’t had a diagnosis yet, appt is Nov 2023!!!! Very busy hospital

[@AdeleCiccone-y7f]

I cannot tell you how glad I found you tonight...please continue doing the amazing job you are doing...as I have been really struggling with my mum who has not been formally diagnosed but I have recognised all the signs and all the pointers suggest this is the case but I may have been in denial. I love my mum but she has been extremely challenging. Thank you thank you thank you. You take so articulately and cleverly and simply to help so many people x

[@KDJ4Jesus]

Thank you so much for posting this video!! My dad has been living with us for the past year and a half and I’ve been doing everything you stated as a “DON”T DO THIS!!” Bummer! I didn’t consider the “horse sense” you mentioned and have seen, what I now realize is depression, shown by his withdrawing to his room for long periods of time, even skipping meals. Now I know how to change this and the correct way to talk to him. Thank you again. P.S. A simple 1-2-3 point reminder printable would be excellent as well!

[@westendanimalhospital4536]

I went through this with my wife’s mom ten years ago. And I was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. This is the most profound thing I have ever heard. 🙏RESPECT🙏 One thing I found effective was to ask her to write a note about some things when she was agreeable on a topic. And leave it where she would find the not to her self. You are amazing Getting ready to help a friend hospice his wife. ❤❤❤

[@rohanawolf2089]

Fantastic! This can ease so much resistance and bad feelings. Thank you so much!

[@theaweavers8576]

What wonderfull solutions you suggest. We did direct debits to help the bank.... also when we went shopping for clothes that i wanted mums opinion on plus she could try on something while there...

[@araceliedwards9323]

Thank you and Hi to sweet Nikko! ❤

[@mangot589]

We’re just cutting off my moms phone. It’s just not working anymore. And I’m so grateful for the advice about finances. She just cannot. But if I talk about it, she flips. She’s not so gone she doesn’t remember there SHOULD be a statement from the bank. I’ve always given her her independence. What am I trying to have done? To see if I can put her in care. I can’t afford it. But since I’ve been supporting her fully for 9 years, she must have something put aside. I cannot deal anymore.

[@johnhaller5851]

My mom went into care when she became fecally incontinent. If you don't have a power of attorney, you may need to get guardianship. My mom's income doesn't support that, but she sold her house, and that will make up the difference. You might try to say that you want to be sure you can help her with finances if she needs to go to the hospital. Some attorneys will still write a will and related documents even for a person with dementia, but she needs to sign them. It may be easier if you get those same papers at the same time, so you are both doing the same thing, and she can help you get your affairs in order. It also helps when people understand that CPR generally involves breaking ribs if it's done correctly. That way she is more likely to think that it's smart to say she doesn't want that. There are elder care consultants who can help find a path. My dad was a veteran, and if she runs out of money, there are programs for spouses of veterans. The consultants aren't cheap, but you can get the first hour for free, and they know every program that is available in your state. Unfortunately, the people at care homes don't always know how to redirect. My mom went to a home because she was living with me (she was unable to live by herself), and I told her I was going on a trip, and there people would take care of her while i was gone. I think she has forgotten living with me, and the home is finally get new normal. Luckily, my mom is ok with her showers, but many people with dementia don't want one, and this home more or less forces this one woman into the shower. On the other hand, they have a woman who always wants to leave, and they always have an excuse for her that they can't to it today, but tomorrow. Putting your mom in care isn't the end of your journey, but a new beginning. She will want to leave, and you will have to remind her that her house is being fumigated for termites, or some other reason. She may not like the food there, but isn't able to say what she will eat.

[@Nola4Lolajean]

Creative thinking’,nice.Upon starting video I was wondering why we have to get them to understand or b aware they have Dementia.U almost didn’t exist I didn’t understand you r trying to convince or get someone to understand they have Dementia.But hallelujah I heard creative thinking,Ur able to articulate exactly what & how b to handle this disease that’s different for everyone.Thankyou.Helped me so much I started to cry .My mom is sweetest person in world & only sweeter everyday almost child like.U really know & im so happy i watched video.❤

[@aimeemacdn]

Thank you so much for this video. I've only just discovered your channel. I'm in the UK and have a very dear friend who, I believe, has started suffering from dementia symptoms. Very helpful advice.

[@sibilasoto3429]

Hi there. I start tomorrow taking care my first person with the condition I go back on you videos… I will stay with her nites, she have another 2 persons… but I’m excited for the journey

[@Patre10]

Thank-you! I enjoyed listening to your insightful and helpful information.

[@DementiaCareblazers]

Glad it was helpful!

[@rebeccagray9151]

It is Sunday evening. I have been cleaning my Aunts bedroom. I told her she would not be able to get in her room for a while since the carpet needed to be steam cleaned and needed to dry. She then kept trying to go in or find reason to go in. like needing her shoes so we could go to church. We never go on Sunday evening. However she was convinced we were going. I finally had to get her shoes so she would stop trying to go into her bedroom.

[@boulgom2008]

Thank you for your videos, they are so helpful. My mother has had dementia for a number of years and most certainly has anosognosia. I have tried the techniques mentioned here over the last few years - essentially it is to solve the immediate problem at hand in the most efficient way possible. But we still face plenty of issues which I have no idea how to solve, for e.g. we cannot get her to exercise. She was also starting to avoid having a shower and I suspected it might have been because she was afraid she might slip. So I bought a shower chair and put it in the shower for her. She was happy about it for the first few days but then removed it after a week. How do we get her to exercise if she doesn't even want to walk?

[@KarinCrawford]

Oh wow, how challenging. Re exercise, did she like to dance when she was younger? If so, how about creating a Playlist of tunes from her teens and 20s and play it and invite her to dance? Or 'dance' while sitting down, moving arms, etc?

[@sarahstrong7174]

Are there any sessions for people with dementia locally that might include dance or gentle ball games, kicking balloons etc? Could you get together with other carers & create such sessions? Can you invite her to a 'dance party' with other family members? If you put on a chair dance video & start following it might she join in? Might she help you decorate/write a card for someone & then walk to the postbox with you? Maybe she has another interest that would help, such as watching birds, looking at flowers, seeing children playing, seeing plants at a garden centre, walking around a store to consider buying something new for the house, seeing a place with links to historical events?

[@johnhaller5851]

There can be multiple problems. Your sense of balance gets worse normally as you age. With dementia, it gets worse faster. A fear of falling and not just slipping could be part of it. My mom is 94, and a shower just about wears her out. She barely walks, and was couch surfing when she did walk. Before I put her in a care home, I was hiring a former CNA who helped her with a bath. My mom needed reminding what to do in a bath, she could wash herself with prompting, but need help drying off so she wouldn't get cold, and help with dressing and undressing. If you mother has Medicare, she might be eligible for hospice, where they will give her a bath or sponge bath twice a week. Your mother might be having concurrent heart problems which makes it difficult for her to exercise. My mom gets winded walking to the bathroom.

[@debbiebarker4584]

Thank you so much, when I look at it that way it has made it much much better.

[@edewest5036]

My husband has early alz..10 years now..this video is great. But I'm worn out from getting him showers, bathroom duties, keeping teeth brushed, dressing takes so long even with me standing right there handing him items to put on..getting in car is always challenge..out same..by time I get out he's lost in front car or walking off....force feeding is difficult. Day in day out..drinking enough water with his kidney problem..I just don't have but so many hrs in a day...I'm exausted..he's 71 I'm 73..plus, yes, I'm losing my life and who I ever was..I do not begrudge as it sounds like..I know God's in control..I just don't seem to be able to get a GRIP on me...I'm tired emotionally and mentally want to cry while trying to handle it with deginity...😢🙏🙌

[@MrsMC-hv4px]

Hi, I am also going thru this in our family with our dad. We are in the process of looking at this options. I am hoping this is something you can explore. Adult Day care or memory care 24/7 CNA and nurse care in your home and covered by Medicare or Medicaid and health insurance. I hope this is helpful and God bless and help you in this difficult time, you are wonderful person who loves their parents. ❤

[@amandalovescandy7517]

​@MrsMC-hv4px can you help me with my mom? She has Medicare and I have researched and consulted and cannot seem to get help because "she doesn't have Medicaid". I'm lost on how to switch Medicare for Medicaid so I can get her some kind of help at home.

[@sueholt9138]

You provide such valuable information. We all need to realize that our care providers are working for us! We are their clients and they owe us useful service and referrals. And we should ask our physicians' nurses for referrals -- they often know much more about who to go to for our particular needs. I also wonder sometimes if the reason so many doctors aren't board certified in this field but already have a lot of knowledge in the field is that they don't want to be assigned that role by their medical practice or insurance company.

[@LK-qz7eh]

Too bad there’s not a video out there that covers my problem. My problem is even bigger. My dad doesn’t believe he has dementia and his other kids and his friends/ business associates don’t believe he is sick. Despite medical evidence from caregivers and drs official diagnosis . So my dads other kids and friends are trying to get him out on his own because they believe he is perfectly fine. So he’s getting violent and aggressive with caregivers. Dad is now blaming my oldest sister (who he appointed power of attorney) for controlling him and taking away his independence.

[@StrawBerry-mm1iy]

Yes, sometimes they will behave extremely normal with other people and behave otherwise with us that sometimes we even think that maybe they are just acting? But it is not acting it is the sickness. Also they become extremely cunning so be aware and stay safe.

[@MegaSnail1]

Thank you so much. Any suggestions for a perennially negative and angry spouse?

[@beccahall8806]

This really helped alot. Great info.

[@DreamsOfFinland]

ask for help. "Would you help me get some of this stuff in the house? I can't do it." there are many people with dementia who will respond to a request for help, will stop fighting, are brought to the present moment. Once heard it called "Alzheimer's Altruism". I just found your channel, things have gotten to point of Dangerous to live alone. Have been trying to live alone for 4 years, learning to ask for help. Appreciate your teaching, you are wonderful.