How to Deal with Difficult People at Work

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Learn more about how to deal with difficult people: www.scienceofpeople.com/difficult-people/

[@MrPaulS-db1jb]

As a working professional I can provide a line I usually use to avoid conflict but still stand up for myself in a very respectful way that has no repercussions. Simply say “I apologize you feel this way, if my work performance is affecting you in a negative way please see a leader and let them know. If you would like to provide constructive criticism I’m all ears. Otherwise please keep it to yourself” I hope this helps the community

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thanks for sharing!

[@1sornram]

It's hard to change zombie who are lazy to work and manager doesn't hold that person accountable. It sucks having those people working with you cuz it makes the teamwork spirit goes away and lack engagement kicks in for me. I now only do 70% productivity and learn not to care too much about work. Good encouraging video though

[@leeboriack8054]

Where were you when I needed you in the 90’s?! This would changed my career’s path and outcomes.

[@smc6746]

The money I make makes me happy at home!! Enjoying my coworkers makes me happy at work!! Which makes me happier at home as well!!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Awesome!!

[@lucianamartinez3757]

Hello Vanessa 😊 You gave me such an eye opening experience today! I am an introvert and for the last year I have been working as public area manager in a high-end casino but I've been battling an inner Rollercoaster. At days I'm good and happy at work and some days I'm overwhelmed and over it and I now know it's because I'm overwhelmed, drained and exhausted by people!!! I have little to no quiet time and I'm always rushing. Thabk you so much for opening my eyes and helping me understand its not the position or the role but me as an introvert I just can't handle being around so many people ALL the time, ALL day long!!!

[@teenguyen4124]

Vanessa u are amazing!!! I operate like u do and that’s bc I was raised with not confronting people and not been taught to communicate well. I follow you and pass your amazing videos to coworkers. Everyone should listen to you either for work or not! You are so good and hv so much wisdom! It’s one of life’s greatest lessons…❤❤❤❤ Your positive energy is extremely infectious Thank u thank u thank u

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you so much! We are grateful for your support!

[@goblack3661]

There is an impression I have with Vanessa: she's all for adapting to people. But at the end of the day, if you're not doing something wrong or inappropriate, you shouldn't have to go out of your way to please people. That's where ethics come in play, to remind people to know their place and remain professional. Also, if everybody does this, then it becomes very difficult, like they're trying to adapt to you as you're trying to adapt to them. However with all of this being said, it's very interesting, thank you very much for this content.

[@hakithemonkey]

This comment suggests you're low in agreeability, just like me lol That's something someone low in agreeability believes.

[@goblack3661]

@@hakithemonkey putting labels aside, you’re basically saying that you agree with me?

[@danl9999]

I wanted people to know this was a pretty incredible talk that can be used across spectrum, not just work. I was impressed, worth listening to a few times. Truly.

[@chadgardnerdds3197]

I can say with a BA in psychology and BS in business management on the side as I was otw to professional school, she just filtered out all the fluff in 80+ hours of collegiate education and made it directly applicable in an hour. I’m amazed.

[@didlidoodles343]

Hello Vanessa! Thank you for this training session. I lost my calm today with a difficult employee (my frustration has been building up for months!) and I felt bad afterwards. It put me in "solution mode" and I immediately came to you for guidance. I did the exercise as you were speaking and it made me see Zombie M in a new light. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your wisdom!!!

[@spiralsun1]

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING!!! The PLATINUM RULE!!! I have said this EXACT same thing about the golden rule!! People always look at me weird when I question the golden rule but it’s one of the largest sources of conflict there is. I was ready to dismiss her as just one more extrovert explaining why they are good with people and how you should be more like them... BUT SHE IS THE REAL DEAL!!!

[@smc6746]

My company is happy to pay for me advancing my people skills🤷🏼‍♀️so cool!! 🤗

[@donnar278]

Wow, while reading some of these comments, a few people realized THEY we're a zombie. Great insight for them! I hope they've improved.

[@TheRealJayGoff]

What an amazing find on KZbin! I heard your interview with Craig Groeschel and became an instant fan! As a speaker, leader and coach, your lessons have opened my eyes to increase my influence!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I am so happy to hear this, Jay! Thanks for following along. :)

[@francish5401]

All true what you say worked with difficult people and with communication break downs.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Yes, it can be a struggle! But there are definitely ways around it.

[@jobecker4381]

LOVE that about difficult people being zombies

[@ms.TorresJua]

My coworker happens to be all the above on Your Zombie Identification chart! I wish I was exaggerating, but I am not.

[@heirloomburn8087]

Thanks for your website It helps me work with the criminally tilted and violent people that get hired for physical labor through government programs I’m able to be respected by people that just a few months earlier were thinking of how to dispose of my body! Not untrue, there’s a lot of business owners that aren’t in the white collar profession Your advice and tutorials work across all strata and diverse backgrounds Im subscribed to help me survive another day in paradise

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you for sharing this! I'm really glad you're finding the website helpful.

[@FristnamLastnam]

I appreciate that response, people loke that have a different perspective, ive grown out of that level of conciousness. Its all around me.

[@charlotte22]

Best explanation of the Big 5 I've ever heard, and I've actually looked.

[@trudyletson1264]

i have a group of coworker's who stab in the back gossip and are not postive and a few are slacker's

[@samm9151]

As a first time manager, I really needed this. Thank you so much. I learned a lot.

[@TheInkWELLHeals]

This was super helpful. I must say I rarely come across material so immediately helpful on the internet. I have subscribed!

[@seacoast4950]

My husband likes it when people get to the point. Otherwise he thinks their wasting his time at work and and anywhere else. ❤

[@FristnamLastnam]

Me too, does that take away from his life at all or a strong trait?

[@hesterprynne5965]

I found this video randomly and it was SOOOO useful. Thank you so much. Your advice actually makes perfect sense and I love how the strategies are practical.

[@colehansen1182]

It's a useful take but definitely oriented for emotions. Pretty easy to work with the guy I hate, just get the job done.

[@donnar278]

Vanessa, you are spot on! I believe this is great info for managers. I'm retired now but I wish I was introduced to this while working in business. No more zombies; I love it. Thanks for sharing, and also for your pleasant voice that I have no problem listening to for an hour! Much luck to you in all your endeavors.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you for watching! I'm glad you enjoyed it =) To your success ❤️

[@maryf5337]

Awesome info. Sounds exhausting to implement. I don't want to cater to jerks. I just fire them.

[@mitzipitcock5789]

This is absolute gold.

[@catherineskis]

Ma'am I guess you're right about co-workers. I am a housekeeper and I love my job because all of the nurses are so nice to me! All I do is mop the floor or empty the trash and they thank me for it. I can be funny about it, "Yep, housekeeping, meeting all of your toiletpaper needs!" It makes them laugh.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I love that! Feeling valued and appreciated for what you do is so important.

[@MelissaJMJ]

Dan O Conner, that’s one of his great sayings!

[@CandisCreations-rr117]

Great info I just found you yesterday and love your content so far

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Amazing! Thank you so much ❤

[@RenaWith]

I'm going to have to listen to this over and over ... awesome tips ❤️

[@nhaz652]

this is really good and useful. i get to understand from those toxic people's perspective

[@mrm2579]

Vanessa is one of my fave’s!!❤️❤️❤️However,at the end I wish she would have directly applied her method to the zombies she described during the first part of the presentation. I was specifically looking for the diagnosis on the “Tank” zombie.

[@gettingphinenow]

This is awesome - very powerful and invaluable!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so glad you think so! ♥

[@Snowchris1]

LOL. Toppers are my favorite. When my friend and I notice a topper at work, we exaggerate our stories to see how far they will go to top our story. We actually nicknamed this guy the Topper

[@donnar278]

I have a close friend that's a Topper, but she's also a sweetheart. We all know she does it, and we expect it, and we just let her Top away lol. She'll never change, but we love her.

[@garden2356]

9:08 be the best version of ourselves

[@anthonydinallo4802]

very informative. thank you for sharing!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're so welcome!

[@anpeyton]

Do you have any videos or articles about how to properly quit a job or tell your boss that you don't feel your suitable for that department?

[@catherinelum4366]

Vanessa, I'm definitely a big fan. How can I change my mindset towards my zombie parents? Sometimes zombie sometimes not.

[@djbayr9516]

This was an AWESOME presentation!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed ❤

[@shilpaniraj1980]

Thank you, Vanessa. This detailed video is truly valuable.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're so welcome!

[@abdinasirmasodd7509]

Thank you for the video you make very simple. and there's a lot I 've learned from you keep going ..thanks again

[@juligriffin6115]

This one video is full of so many productive ideas, I cannot wait to start practicing tomorrow. I am planning to use this information with my kids and with people, in general. I love listening to you, your ideas, and how you present information.

[@juligriffin6115]

I also plan to use the strategies on me! haha!!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

That's wonderful! I'm so glad!

[@priyankasarkar6368]

Wow Vanessa you have solved each and every relationship in the world!!

[@sylviaalexander5808]

How about the “bully” who withholds information?

[@meetyounever6923]

Ouch, I've been though that myself. Since you posted this 2 years ago I suppose you found a way to deal with the situation.

[@DR.Counsel]

Great factual content, outstanding passionate delivery and precise brevity. Thanks.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Why thank you! I'm glad you enjoy the content =)

[@elsavelaz]

How do you handle someone who’s drinking? A genuinely good person who does just fine when sober but when they drink they are overwhelming - and is a partner spouse relative etc - so can’t just like avoid them cuz you live with them

[@Rose-19090]

Thank you Vanessa! This is a great video. Can you share some tips (or do a video) on how to change people’s perception of you being a difficult person?

[@anntriciacain1886]

Very inspiring I want to share this video with my coworkers

[@TheLiterateLyoness]

An aside…I notice lots of leaders and teachers address groups as “friends” recently, but it drives me crazy. Since none of my actual friends have ever addressed me this way (and I’ve not heard other friends use this term to address each other either), it makes my brain think, “Why is this person calling me ‘friend’ when they are not in my friend category and I hardly know them?” This makes me question their authenticity. Maybe it’s not a big deal now since the term “friend” has been trivialized by its usage in Facebook. What do you think?

[@genehughes4022]

Being friendly is a form of showing friendship a manner of care

[@hickamsdictum]

Very insightful video and framework! A lot of teams and HR professionals could learn a lot from this video!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Glad it was helpful! 😍🎊

[@itssamaria]

You’re a huge inspiration! Thank you for uploading

[@Iamcapable4]

Make them better make you better best Version of self version of self😊💜

[@powerpuffnyc]

You are covering OCEAN from the perspective of a supervisor. It’s easy to deal with people who report to you, What if you are an employee and your boss is ahem… lacking….How do you manage that?

[@sonamchohdry8906]

Vanessa u explain sooooo beautifully . Its so interesting to listen u everytime😂❤️

[@harderthanmydemons2927]

I love your teaching style!

[@matttv94]

Someone on my level was hired 6 months ago for his first job in the hospitality industry. His ego is massive and he thinks he knows how to do everything better than the rest of us even though most of the core team have 5+ years experience in the industry. One shift he was telling me how to do my job and generally bossing everyone around. I put on a friendly tone and a fake smile and said “oh I never formally congratulated you mate” he said “what for?” I replied “your promotion” “I haven’t been promoted” was his response so I came back with “ oh I thought you had been given you’re telling us all how to do our jobs” he went completely silent and kind of shuffled off. A coworker of mine who overheard me came over and said thanks for doing that he was doing my head in!

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Wow! That sounds like a tough one... thanks for sharing!

[@sheilanelson5973]

Great info! Thanks, Vanessa!

[@alinagina1268]

Thanks so much, Vanessa! You are amazing!..

[@kristen8517]

Just found you today and you’ve taught me so much and given me a deeper understanding. Thank you so much!!!! 💗

[@jesseskellington9427]

47:12 You went from zombies personalities. Then to ocean personality trait inventory. Then into a sales pitch. You had me hooked at the zombie personality and really want to know more about this..... I bought you first round of education.... And found it to be theory orientated without practical theory into everyday practice skillz. What do you have for me to say that it's worth buying another round of your school?

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Hi Jesse, please email us at [e-mail] and we'd be happy to answer your questions/concerns for you!

[@nooshindavani4556]

@scienceOfPeople: I loved this session and I feel learned a lot from it. Now I’d like to share the content and some of these slides content with my colleagues in my organization. What are the rules around it?

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Feel free to share it with your colleagues! We have our full website at scienceofpeople.com to supplement your slides! 😊

[@kd7gp]

There is a lot of great information here. But I have so many questions about how to apply it when dealing with what appears to be more complicated/difficult situations, etc that are not answered in this video. With thousands (or millions, i don't know) of students, how will i get my questions answered in workshops if I join people school?

[@VitalityFlowDe]

Thank you so much Vanessa for your time and energy. I really appreciate your work. Every single video is filled with knowledge and love. Thumbs up even before I start watching anything from you now.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You are so welcome! I am so happy that you enjoy it!

[@SuePorter]

Vanessa, I've been following you for some time, and love your presentations and training. I do have to share with you that D.I.S.C. is a scientifically tested validated system of understanding Behavioral Styles that's been around over 50 some years, and my company alone has translated it into over 38 languages. I know because I've been with a company that did the testing and validating, Carlson Learning Company, and now Wiley Publishing for over 32 years. As well, I've been using it specifically work with difficult executives. If you want proof, I'm happy to provide you with the documentation.

[@mayurkulkarni1990]

Now I need to devise a strategy on a person who is a Tank. Wish me luck!

[@ProductiveCo]

I'm a personality test junkie, but I also love science. I discovered the Kolbe A Index 2 years ago and thought it was backed by science -- have you heard of this one? It's supposed to analyze M.O.

[@dianachern4234]

I believe more in attachment theory then genetics to explain behavior/personality.

[@Entropy106]

If they boss you around, boss them right back

[@RandomUtuberr]

Good thought. Can you also elaborate on how is that going to make a positive change?

[@Entropy106]

@@RandomUtuberr just because they think they've worked there longer than you have, some people give orders to you that are completely unnecessary. Only your manager or your boss gives orders not someone in the same level ad you. Sometimes you can work there for 1 year and just because someone has worked there for 1 year and 3 months, sometimes they tell you to do stupid things. You have every right to tell them orders as well. You're on the same level as them. If they ignore you're orders, ignore theirs.

[@RandomUtuberr]

@@Entropy106 You are very right mate, I absolutely agree. This gives them a direct hint indicating you're not up for their toxic crap and will do what you reasonably believe is what you need to do. But this type of behaviour becomes a predicament when you're new to a workplace and you're trying to build rapport. Especially when, for example, I'm a contractor (employed through a recruitment agency - never seen anyone from my agency, I work at client site) where I currently work and the only reason my workplace hires contractors first is so they can contemplate whether we fit well with the team and can work proficiently. They get you to work like this for anywhere between 3-9 or 12 months and then eventually offer you a lengthy temporary position and then permanent. Now, when you're working in that kind of conditions, you've got to be on your best behaviour 24x7. What would you do if you were me?

[@RandomUtuberr]

@@Entropy106 Respond man, I need some more insights.

[@irishchocolate3872]

How do you deal with a bully boss without retaliating and getting fired?

[@Freem0m]

I’m wondering if you can recommend on of your videos that would address a teen going into ASB in HS and needing a few tips on leadership without being overbearing (or bossy). TIA!

[@eGlamorous1]

Thank you Vanessa, that was very helpful.

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Glad to be of some help! =)

[@elk9414]

Years ago, I had someone who had applied for a position with one of my companies when I had much less on my plate. She set her resume. We reviewed it and checked with her references. Then we did a phone call which usually serves well to weed out the undesirables because we ask a certain set of questions designed to get a good feel for someone's work ethic and core values. Then we scheduled a time to interview and gave her the specifics. The time of her interview came and passed and she was what we call NCNS. No call, no show. Later in the day, which was filled with interviews until about 8PM, she not only showed up but she abruptly burst in and bypassed the receptionist demanding to be interviewed ASAP. I remember being in the middle of an interview with someone who had shown up on time and was very respectful of what we were doing as well as being a pleasant interview. Miss NCNS proceeded to tell us about how her day had been horrible and blah, blah, blah. I held up my hand as if 'talk to the hand' and she shut up long enough for me to tell her that she had missed her interview and had failed to even call to communicate but that, if she was serious about working with us, that she could go out to the lobby and have a seat and wait to see if we could interview her if we had time. I thought that was the polite way to handle the situation given that this was in front of another job applicant. To our surprise, that's exactly what she did and we did interview her later although we handled it a bit differently and essentially shit tested her with a homework assignment to complete before we made an offer of employment. She failed the shit test and we never heard from her ever again. This is not to say that there haven't been a few rogue imbeciles who have gotten through the door over the years but what we do with the troublesome employees is get creative and create conditions that encourage them to walk without us having to fire them outright. It's called creative unemployment in our inner circle and it mitigates the time and hassle of firing people.

[@khairulalam9878]

Excellent. I love her

[@yidisoifer830]

Where can I find ur book

[@sovannysmylie5104]

She is my second manager, is my Zovie! It is very hot weather and the big manager told me to take hat off, after 3 mn she told me to put it back on. Anything I do she seem find the way to tell me to do other way around. Anything she would find a problem then she would, to me what she mentioned is exactly nothing , shouldn’t be a problem. But she make it to a problem. I want her out of my life in work place. She is mean to me constantly! It was nothing but she make in to a problem . I don’t know why she only try to tell me off? Not even a big deal.

[@doniahalema58]

😍😍😍😍😍😍Thankyouuuu for sharing such valuable informations

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Thank you for watching! I'm glad you enjoyed it 🤗

[@genesis5705]

Thank you for this information!

[@ghadaalsous6092]

This amazing thanks

[@ScienceOfPeople]

My pleasure!

[@gwendolynn7314]

Genetics is a cop out and makes people not responsible for their behavior. I have three sisters, all of us have the same shape face and two of us are introverts and two are extroverts. Life experiences and laziness make us who we are ...

[@Iamcapable4]

So how do you make your serotonin go up versus High neurotic neurotic how do you engage your serotonin😊👋🤔

[@johnthomas1224]

Omg Vanessa thank you!!!!!

[@changethematrix]

Thank you. This is awesome

[@ddubsr5886]

When will you make a video on how to make your teeth so white? I’m impressed, keep up the good work

[@schneeroseful]

From her coloration, tjis is probably natural, but oil pulling with coconut oil helps lower the staining by coffe, tea or wine. In case you do not want to hurt your teeth by bleaching, chaning the white values on your camera or Photoshop can help as well (A german science KZbinr once admittet to do the white confirmation based on her teeth).

[@abcjme]

· i couldn't track down that carnegie 85% stat · i found an article stating that forbes originally cited a carnegie research paper from 1918 · i couldn't find that 1918 paper though edit · articles cite schmidt f.l. 2012 regarding the $29 000 finding · but, schmidt f.l. had no research papers in 2012

[@nikunjkrishnarayal]

Great Video, Thanks a lot.

[@danruhl8538]

I really wish I could afford to school right now but I can't it be really need to get that because then I'd be able to learn a lot more until then I'll just keep thinking positive you have a very nice day

[@larrydoxtater4606]

Vanessa, I love this material. I'm a Maxwell trainer and would love to share this with others. What limitations do you have on using this material in my training events.

[@mwong5873]

Love your book. A game changer for me.

[@rehabh.o4751]

Thank youu

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You're so welcome!

[@saurabh.shringarpure]

What to do if I am a zombie?

[@jesseskellington9427]

36:19 How do you work with a high agreeable friend who chooses a date and then either forgets an entirely or reschedule it multiple times.... Feels like a bait into everyday skills. That switchs to more theory less practice... But I feel needs to be addressed here is the zombies individuals who were traumatized pre-pregnancy during pregnancy 2 years after pregnancy. The adverse childhood study is one good example of showing how this formative years follows you into adulthood. I feel like your zombie are really attachment disordered individuals that can easily be quantified by the DSM 5. Unfortunately that is a lot of theory not a lot of practice as well...

[@ScienceOfPeople]

Great questions/insights! Navigating relationships with highly agreeable friends who may not always follow through can be challenging. It's essential to communicate your feelings and establish clear expectations. For instance, you might say, "I've noticed we've had to reschedule our plans a few times, and I really value our time together. Can we try to set a date that works best for both of us?" This conveys your concern without being confrontational and encourages commitment. Addressing the deeper issue of 'zombies' or individuals who may have attachment disorders due to early trauma, it's crucial to approach with empathy and understanding. While the theory is important for context, practice comes through supportive relationships and professional guidance tailored to their needs. It's not just about identifying the problem but actively seeking ways to manage and heal from those experiences

[@Icedteacola]

has anyone experienced changing from High to Low by toxic working environment? Sometimes even myself feel confused what type I am

[@pinaymamiinusa7127]

Hi Vanessa! I'm an avid fan of yours!

[@MR-dq4bq]

Vanessa, what if we realize we are one of these people and want to change? Simply stopping a well developed habit is very difficult. Any thoughts? Love your content, thank you for sharing your work with the world.

[@MR-dq4bq]

By “these people” I’m referring to the zombies. 👍🏼👍🏼

[@Davidjune1970]

Changing behaviour is not easy but it isn’t that hard either. It takes the will to change and the patience to keep working to stop it. Last year I made a promise to not curse for 40 days straight. Every time I cursed I restarted the timer. I made it a few hours the first time I cursed. Then I went a couple of days before i cursed. Then I was two weeks without cursing before I blew it again. Then 4 weeks. It took me 6 months before I managed to go 40 straight days without cursing once. I did this so I would not curse around my kids, and I don’t. So if you have bad habits pick one of them and try to go for 40 consecutive days without doing that habit. Keep restarting the timer every time you fail. And keep trying until you do make it 40 days without doing that bad habit. It will take some time but you will see that eventually your behaviour will change. Don’t do more than one bad habit at a time (the goal is to focus on one thing ... not to try and change everything at the same time). Use an app for counting the days that is able to be reset if you have to start over again. Do this for every bad habit you want to stop. But only one at a time so that it’s easier to stay focused on it.

[@donnar278]

MR, that's a huge step, just by realizing you are one of them. Has anything improved for you the past three years?

[@sameenathokan9980]

Thank you

[@JLEOY]

Wow. In the 5 years Ive worked in my current job, Ive already met all 5 zombies. Work sucks.

[@Qchiko]

Love your tips!!! Than you

[@nevertime1246]

I love this!!!