how to get over your fear of being seen (the spotlight effect)

[@Ruguru-SelfMastery]

... the fear of being embarrassed to be seen sweating; struggling; trying too hard; being cringy😢... These have held me back for years🤧

[@DesertShadowWarriorQueen]

I'm scared that if I move around too quickly my arm fat will flap around 😂😂😂

[@KI-vl3lx]

It´s so stupid, like I´m even embarrassed of just standing up.

[@Z5Z5Z5]

i totally agree ! while when i look at someone who is confident I dont think they are cringe :

[@Dewdesu]

That’s literally me

[@My_Secret_Sketchbook999]

I am out there walking, jogging, running, don't care if people see my sweating pink face. Even after somebody called me rasict names- I jogged at the same place. My mental health improves 😮❤🎉

[@Meltyfairy]

Remember: some people will treat you like 💩 no matter what you do - so just do what you like x

[@GabrielaDenisse]

people give you who they are, not who you are

[@theloverfaces]

Yesss!

[@sabrinasususa6957]

That's what I think,I always thought once I'll be better on doing the job given tasks I'll start being appreciated,but the thing is that I'm getting treated badly regardless even the times that I make no mistakes,some people always have something bad to say and even when I became better at certain stuff it was always like,well they are doing more,like who cares?! Wasn't it me improving the requested thing?So once I did that's what I get? Not that the ones that are doing better than me are dyscalculian and having adhd and it's not even an excuse, I'm tired of the comparisons as if the people that have dyscalculia and the ones not have the same learning capability and mental intelligence. It's mentally draining to live on daily with hard capability of others

[@nolackin60617]

Soooo true

[@rileymariahh]

“you spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining the future keeps you going, but you never do it. you just use the future to escape the present.” -looking for alaska

[@hambonefakenamington69]

one of my fav books, thanks for quoting it and reminding me about how apt this is!

[@leah38521]

“Pursue the fear” - you’re right, this is the only way to really get out of the comfort zone.

[@AstridMartin666]

I went out to a club alone last night. I’m a 42 year old single mom. I’ve recently quit benzodiazepines and was frightened to go out without anything. To be bare so to speak. But I did it anyway because I felt ready. I’ve been going out for the last few weeks and I get so many compliments and I’m like wow! People actually want me around? Women come up to me and tell me I’m beautiful or compliment me on my outfits. I was beyond agoraphobic before I began going out. But I used your “pretend there are four body guards around you at all times “ and it changed my life. I suffered a TBI and became a hermit. I had to learn how to walk talk you name it. Used a wheelchair then a Walker then a cane now I don’t have to use anything. Took a decade to fully recover and go back to baseline. I was an alcoholic for awhile but now I only drink when I go out. My mom is extremely narcissistic and I had to learn about introjection and that these intrusive thoughts weren’t my core identity. I danced for five hours last night made friends got drinks bought for me and I began to cry watching this video because I couldn’t wait to share my testimony to you. I’ve been self sabotaging for ten years. I was so paranoid everyone was going to laugh at me. My mantra now is ‘I belong’ I appreciate you so much . I went back into the world with the mindset that everyone is benevolent. Because for so long I assumed the opposite. I lost my virginity to a gang r8pe so it took a long time for me to be vulnerable. It took me years to realize that’s not the majority of men. I also gained a substantial amount of weight but lost it and am working on getting my dental done so my teeth make me insecure but I’m over it. So last night was my third weekend where I went out but first alone without knowing anyone there.I figure if I keep showing my face I’ll make friends and have fun and burn calories in the meantime. I also learned how to do my makeup and how to dress well. I DEFINITELY have the lizard brain which is hilarious because my first mantra was ‘I am the lizard king I can do anything’- Jim Morrison . I ordered a dress from Skims it’s coming today and it’s mesh so it’s perfect for dancing so I look hot Af for the next party and get the quality of life back I deserve Thank you 🙏 for your content but who should really be bowing to you are my doctors and therapists smh 🤦‍♀️ by the end I was in the front dancing 💃 it was heaven. Now when people talk to me I introduce myself shake their hand and get their name . The old me that was locked in a constant state of fear would never do that. But how else would I ever socialize otherwise.

[@jesihutxh4566]

I love reading this ♥️ I’m so happy to hear you’re breaking out of it!! I relate so much to the fear of everyone and everything, especially men. I’m tired of being scared!! From now on I’m living like I belong here. I don’t have any less right to be here than anyone else! And people can sense the energy shift! I wish you luck in your journey and I hope it continues to get just better and better for you 🥰

[@n1313_]

YESSS QUEEN! You’re doing amazing ❤

[@ruthannthibault822]

I’m so proud of you - sending much love and light to you.

[@justamom4853]

I could seriously cry reading this! This is my story **exactly**, tbi, became severely agoraphobic, and 7 years later I am almost at baseline..... My mother is also a narc and I did a lot of healing while unwell. I have barely spoken to her. I'm 42 too and about to become a single mum! Wtf.... I had to read your comment twice because it felt a little crazy reading it. Good on you, seriously, that is a triumph and a half.

[@asia.t]

you go girl!

[@oluchionyia7096]

"You'll never be out of friends " hit so hard. Thanks

[@HarleyLuna31]

Do you have friends? I dont have any no matter how hard i try

[@hangettingstronger]

​@HarleyLuna31 probably shouldn't be a try hard thing. It's all aboit just doing things you like and meeting those people outside of what you both enjoy doing. Then keep doing that every other weekend and check up on each other too!

[@missgenessee]

“Your family and friends will be your biggest haters” - WORD. You can get in a Lyft ride and tell a stranger your dreams and they’ll be like “yo I’m here for you, keep going.” Family +friends mostly slap those dreams out of your hands and you need to pick it back up. Idk why there’s so much fear in the world. I know that the lizard brain is real but there’s something else. People haven’t lived in tribes in years… I think it’s neglecting someone’s own light. It’s easier to think “MY daughter, MY sister” like they’re part of you. It takes a lot of wisdom to realize your baby is their own person, that what your sibling does is not a reflection of you, what your parent does is not something that speaks of you. Easier said than done. Takes a lot of strength. What has recently changed my mind is realizing that “if you put yourself in a position to be judged- you are putting yourself in a position to be admired. It goes both ways” Every time you get a fan you get a hater. These are 2 sides of the same coin.

[@JMarie-th8xe]

That's good. Thanks for sharing.

[@Soph-l5r]

Word

[@meikoluvv]

Preach! Especially living through someone else. Like she said in the video, I feel like in many cases like for me it’s cultural. Parents living through their child and not seeing them as their OWN people. I have my own thoughts and emotions and dreams. Why should I let someone else’s dictate MINE. People have their own personal problems besides me. No one cares. Everyone is worried about themselves. I shouldn’t care. And if they do care, they’re wasting their breath on mine, it’s another problem for them. Not mine. That’s how I decreased my social anxiety with this mindset. I truly don’t care anymore 😹😹

[@BUTTERFLYXOXOable]

❤

[@MindfulTatiana]

Oh I was directly bullied for wanting good things for myself. It can be from our peers, family, or in my case both. Learning to look away from their jealousy and survive their violence is a real aspect of this.

[@fartmagus]

❤❤❤

[@munequa81]

I can relate as this is what holds me back. It's not only learning to look away, but also learning to make yourself feel safe and protected when that happens.

[@GabrielaDenisse]

Me too from family, 🥺they make you so insecure when you are bullied outside of home and AT home. But that's over, I'm not letting them keep trying to keep me small and decide who I am. That's why they do it, when people see your shine and potential, they'll do anything to make sure you don't

[@kaylamountain8253]

Me too. I lived with 3 other girls for 3 years- and I started to love cooking healthy things for myself, working out, making my makeup look good, and studying hard. They cut me down every chance they got and would spread rumors about me to our mutual friends, but i was nothing but kind to them. I moved out as gracefully as I could, got a temporary job in hawai'i and I’m trying to rediscover my self confidence and feel like im worthy of good people and real friends that don’t use their jealousy to bully me.

[@staceyann_dawkins]

Let me get my bucket 😂

[@Neylena]

'That is not a me problem, that is a them problem' 'Evolve anyway' 'I am responsible for my life' 'Pursue the fear' Talk about multiple gems in this video. You exude confidence and self-acceptance and I love that for you, heres to hoping that I can be the same way!

[@WhoIsBlossom]

I was bullied literally all my life from adults to kids I ended up trying to basically hide and stay out the way I don’t want this type of life I want change

[@margaretdoliet1630]

Me too ☹️

[@Thepathof77]

Me too

[@glamourgeekk]

girl same !!

[@user-vf3fz7qv6v]

Ohh “a change in you threatens the version of you in their head”. This hit me hard. You are so spot on and wise. I feel like I have a friend that hates to see me win and grow. It really hurt to finally see but the truth is they have always been one of my biggest haters

[@yeojin6759]

Hey! Any updates on the friend? I really hope you dropped this hater friend and realize that there are good friends out there who will genuinely want to see you win

[@elizabethgracefashion]

I’m the girl staying in bed gathering information binge watching your videos… but you’re right. I do have the information now and now I can take action.

[@BePresent.]

You will when you are ready xxx❤

[@djrdajul1013]

this is so me !!!!!

[@greywaren621]

Same.

[@KayFlowidity]

2:30 Comfort Zone & Fear 3:45 Change 5:00 Haters 7:30 Family 8:30 Keep Shinin! 9:10 Scapegoats & Accountability 🔥🎯 9:45 Rejection 11:40 Afraid of Attention 12:55 Competence & Confidence 13:45 Exposure Therapy 15:45 Update Hardware

[@PopsikleShop]

“Actively practice discomfort”…love that!❤

[@nathananderson8720]

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my KZbin channel 8 months ago about self development. Now I have 881 subs and > 600 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.

[@sharlaamysamuel]

Well done on getting started.✨

[@sashaf7]

Way to ho

[@happiness7808]

3k subs! That’s crazy in 2 weeks, you’ve got this in the bag!

[@HeyyAdie]

I'm stuck for 4 years because of fear, anxiety and because of past shame that I couldn't let go. I wasn't able to work because of self-doubt and fear of what others will think of me. I didn't realize, until now, that isolating myself is what keeping me to grow and hurting the people that truly cared for me. I lost my friends, I'm stuck at home. I'm scared of what others will think of me then I'll isolate myself even more. I have to break this cycle and I am learning to let go now. I'm ready to experience life even though I'm almost 30.

[@happiness7808]

I understand; been stuck at home for 10 years due to fear, trauma and health problems, and I’m 33. After years of intense work, I’m finally starting to make strides in my goals and in emerging from the fearful lockdown. You’ve got this!

[@theGhostSteward]

My fear of being seem comes from abuse. I hated being pretty, liked or loved because (by my child brains perspective) this meant getting hurt. This fear push me to prove everyone that loved or liked me wrong, making them hate me. Its a very heart breaking way to live and I am hapoy and grateful I found people like you ❤

[@GloriaStanley95]

Man did this resonate so hard! I’ve been that girl gathering information for years and not taking action on it because of the fear of being seen, fear of being looked at as cringey or trying too hard. But I’m so over it holding me back! I always wanted to have a KZbin channel but thought I cant do it, not me. But I just posted my first KZbin video today and it feels great to have taken that step, I’m so excited to build my channel and hopefully help others!

[@lillia.s]

Update ?

[@IsabellaH-y1v]

update?

[@ceruleanwonder]

Heck yeah! Good for you! Now I challenge you to make and post video #2.

[@aamnahere6250]

While you're right that 'toxic' has indeed become a buzzword in the Western world, the traits you mentioned (and many others) are indeed toxic. Just because they've been normalized in our cultures does not mean that they're not toxic. Asians have a tendency to downplay parental abuse as just their parents being strict and over critical who're not monsters. People don't have to be monsters to be toxic or sometimes even abusive. As an Asian, I've come across this many times. The love that parents have for their kids endlessly exploited to defend toxic and unhealthy behaviours and actions towards their children. I wish this video didn't downplay that.

[@MagieUrisha]

It's true! and it's everywhere, I have seen Africans, Mid-westerns, Latinos, EVERYONE has these toxic traits thanks to colonization. Our ancestors were loving and accepting, we are like that in our roots.

[@mmhmmmificate]

Thank you I needed that

[@la6136]

Oh man asian parents are a whole other conversation. They are so toxic because most of them lived such traumatic lives and they don’t believe in therapy or getting help for mental health. Then they are forced to have children young because of their patriarchal cultures and religions instead of healing so they just trauma dump all their issues onto their kids. I could go on and on. It’s a big problem. And I do not believe they have real love for their kids. They don’t even love themselves so I really don’t think they understand what that means. Asian family system is based on obligation, shame and following cultural norms. That is it.

[@NATURALLYKIE888]

I just wanted to say I’m 35yrs old & I desperately needed to hear & see this 🙏🏽 Thank you

[@rayeregan8114]

"Building your competence will improve your confidence".... Omg this the key I've been waiting for to build my confidence! Thank you!

[@carolynshane295]

When you made the point that it’s not that you can’t have a conversation, you are just scared of their attention on you… 🤯 that was so impactful for me. Makes so much sense now!!

[@BeyondClaire]

When the fear of change is greater than the fear of same, change will never happen.

[@nokateno]

I’m fat, I get left on read, getting older too, but I still get out there, keep my word, keep my commitment to bettering myself… it’s hard sometimes but you gotta do it. Thanks for this video!

[@CareBlair222]

Difficult people and insecure people make it hard too.

[@somedia8598]

Leave them

[@fleetwoodmak777]

if you remain kind and confident, you will give them nothing to weaponize against you. the only way out is through, keep moving forward! :)

[@cryptocandy-oh6bi]

⁠@@fleetwoodmak777unfortunately there are people who will find something to weaponise, if not, they’ll make it up. It doesn’t matter how kind, how confident you are.. but never ever let them stop you from being kind and confident regardless

[@lizakoch]

I’ve literally learned more from this video than from 6 year’s university. I was crying, screaming then watching you with my mouth open. Your messages are blessings in my life at the moment. Thanks from my heart ❤️

[@tedwilson1477]

Damn this girl speaks so much truth it can be painful to hear! Respect 👊

[@RJ-bx2rc]

This woman has been through a lot but has overcome it all and it is apparent! Respect for sharing this and being so vulnerable with the audience so we too can learn. Thank you Vickita! You have a new subscriber! :)

[@VickitaTrivedi]

Thank you so much!

[@thrhrts]

Just to let you know that your video just have changed the direction of my life : i applied what you said cause i was so fed up of myself, and i realized many misconceptions i have had of people around me. For what it worths, thank you!

[@ivydaimond6715]

I’m literally crying. This positive motivation deserves a sub.

[@NoThing-wc3cs]

I'm just going to put this out there, I did both the "putting myself out there" approach and all it did was damage me, but I also did the whole "I need to improve myself before I put myself out there" and all that did was isolate myself. So for me it was a combination of both. Don't just put myself out there, also face my so called inner demons, but then afterwards go out there again. It's hard, that's why I needed an intention, a goal, that is my "driving force" right now.

[@Shelly.]

I feel like you were smacking me awake throughout this entire video 🤯, you spoke thruth after thruth. Thank you!!

[@VickitaTrivedi]

ahahahaaha

[@romanticmaterial]

5:19 I can’t tell you how difficult it has been to push past #2. I went through a very public affair that, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t the end of the world but I endured so much harassment, cruelty, lost my job, etc. that it has made it VERY hard to trust-myself and others. I find myself holding back because I started telling myself “what people don’t know they can’t ruin” but I’m just hiding. Being seen and expressing myself will not only bring success in the material but further my healing and it’s so hard. I get so frustrated because I’m still living in the environment that hurt me and what to get out but I need to cause a ripple. All around hard and just want to bury the past. Love your channel and thank you for this video. I needed it

[@vismayagowda8780]

thank you for sharing this. i know firsthand how intimidating fear of socialization can be. I'm 18 years old and i am a huge bookworm and i am philosophical and nerdy and i like deep, beautiful meaningful conversations and i haven't found very good friends that truly match my vibe. i am also a huge swiftie and i have a beautiful passionate wild side to me as well that most people just never see. i always always felt so sad and insecure because i thought people didn't like me (coz i was so different from everyone else), but then i realized that there are so many wonderful traits in me that those people would actually be lucky to have me. i genuinely enjoy my own company and i know for a fact that i am a fascinating person to be with. this realization has changed everythinggg! previously, i used to dress poorly and i didn't care about fashion coz i hated my body. but now i select outfits meticulously and now i feel so confident and sure of myself. i love my body more and i am healing all my past trauma and carrying only lessons and good vibes into the new year. i am officially in my hot girl era!

[@SKZ0325-LEEKNOWWEKNOW]

this video just showed on my YT homepage and I said to myself, "This looks interesting" Now let me tell you how this video describes my life right now. The universe is working. Thank you so much! I'm a follower now!

[@ninamuire]

This is so good and so accurate! This is what I have been feeling. I have been dimming myself down just so I couldn't and wouldn't intimidate anyone around me or anyone I come across. Did nothing for me. In fact, it has caused so much heartbreak. Thank you for sharing this.

[@michael.j.snyder]

I appreciate the bit about exposing yourself to your fears. As well as building a tolerance to rejection. This is great advice!

[@alextroy9202]

I was SEEN, and I have been SEEN multiple times in my life and the feeling is sooo different.

[@alextroy9202]

friends are overrated

[@abbieamavi]

When I do hide info, I feel like for me it’s because I don’t trust people. They will twist the truth, so at the end of the day I just try to keep things in between me, my partner, and maybe some close friends IF I tell anyone. But I agree that we should never let the fear of others judging us keep us from doing what we need to, or what we wish to do! Great video and very well said.

[@somedia8598]

My sister is always talking when we are in a group. She is always talking about how good she is and how well she is doing- non stop. When someone else wants to talk she is quickly putting the spotlight on her again. Every time one gets a minute to talk she is saying something negative about it or something to make it less special. Once i just saw a dog and I said “oh look the cute dog! I love dogs” and she looked at me and said “Everyone loves dogs. This isn’t special”. I just always feel sad and small and bad after being with her or talking with her. When I try to talk to her she is saying things like “what is it in yourself that makes you feel so bad about me?… why are you feeling this way about me?” I always try to figure out how to feel better - regardless of her behaviour. I just want to be seen and heard as well. I just want to shine as well. But it is so hard when she is always giving me negative comments…

[@Daturadatura]

Your sister is a narcissist. This is how they act. The issue is her, not you. She also knows exactly what she is doing deep down, she is trying to put others down and diminish others around her to build her own ego and self up and keep her ego on a higher level in her own mental hierarchy. She is manipulating you by pretending you have the issue and it's a fault with you that there is an issue. Trust me - she isn't that clueless and you're not wrong to feel crappy being around her when she does this to her sibling.

[@happiness7808]

My mother was like that. I slowly learned that every time I talked about anything venerable or sensitive, she would instantly weaponize it, mock it or diminish it to make me feel small. I cannot tell you how much happier I am and how free I feel now that I don’t talk to her. I recommend limiting your contact with your sister. People like that don’t change, and you will have SO much more energy and feel SO much better when you don’t have to fend off continuous attacks on your psyche.

[@RevelwithaCause]

Just found your channel. Turning 50 in a few months. I love your content... It is exactly where I am at right now. Ready to ditch the woulda, coulda wishy washy talk. I recently went No Contact w a few toxic family members. Unfortunately one of them is my identical twin! So excellent to Learn these lessons BEFORE wasting a lot of time "getting people to like you"...

[@carlagigglypoo8782]

Stop thinking people actually give a shit about you or are looking at you. Nobody is. They are all in their own worlds. Get over yourself ~ that helps,

[@JustABoy98]

this is one of the most real no sugar coating video i have seen , i have relate so many things in it , ill try my best to use these advices tysm for this video

[@Kayla-ef1gx]

I’m scared of people seeing me fail

[@samanthanoeliaferrer]

This tooo

[@fxrnweh-hd5dq]

Be scared about not seeing yourself succeed

[@eloise3280]

And then? They see you "fail" and then what? They judge you and say nasty words....and then? Then we lie on our deathbeds and wish we didn't care so much about the fleeting opinions of others, and that we cared more about our dreams. What if that fail, showed you exactly how to design your project/mission/dream to be 100% perfectly aligned with your goal?

[@marinouechat]

@@eloise3280thank you for this!

[@PAL5041]

How do u view people who fail? And how would you feel if that didn’t stop them from what they wanted to do? I would feel respect (and a bit of jealousy 😂😂)

[@magicmegan4290]

You were in my feed. Girl you are fire. Keep shining your light! I really really agree and appreciate your words of wisdom and conviction. You’re like a life coach! When I went to school (IIN) something they always said was “it’s about transformation, not information.” also I wanted to leave a comment to say that I like your software and hardware analogy because I share the same analogy! I have so many metaphors and analogies and my eyes have been open to so much. I imagine myself making KZbin videos, but I haven’t prioritized the time for that yet in my life as I am a newly single mom (married 14.5 years to narcissist) and still in recovery from that…. but I love how you went from depressed and gathering information, to taking action and using the wisdom you had been mining and applied it. That’s real truth manifested in action. I love psychology and philosophy so much and I get emotional thinking about how so many people need help and I definitely have a light to be seen as well. 🔥

[@iStorm-my5fp]

I waited over 10 years out of graduation to take the LSAT bc of this

[@iStorm-my5fp]

I'm a brown girl too, I can't tell you how I have to uncondition 100's of unsevering ideas

[@saikamahmud3112]

I love this so much. This is the first video which talked about a topic that I could specifically relate to (fear of attention, wanting attention but being scared of it). I know why this happens and possibly how to fix it but I've been too scared and the guilt has been piling up for years now. I've been really scared of other people's impression about me but I think it's time I actually take the first step to change. Thank you for the video, looking forward to more content like this < 3

[@lanadelreyismom]

Girl it’s been like 10 years I cannot do this anymore! I gotta take a step forward and finally be who i have been planning on becoming for so long!

[@jddominguez17]

GIRL!! You hit the nail on the head with this one‼️I really appreciate your perspective on this

[@lexiewalters6866]

Thank you so much for your content. This is something I struggled with for a very long time not realizing the impact it had on every area of my life. I was always so used to playing small when I knowwwww that I’m destined for more. Your advice has literally helped change my mentality. Beyond grateful that I stumbled across your channel. Much love ! Pls keep making more content

[@sarahcook8793]

The way you explain things is spot on real!! There are so many connected truth bombs here, rewatch or play at half speed and take notes. Things click into place with self development learning, growth with reflection in all experiences, and figuring out how to live more confidently

[@LightningBottle9352]

What you said about letting go of old friends who don’t like seeing you grow is so true. I had to let go of my best friend who I genuinely loved all because I realized she no longer genuinely loved me, and it was clear she held contempt for the ways I was growing up and improving my life while she was stagnating. It still hurts sometimes honestly, but it’s much less painful than constantly being exposed to her negative energy and criticism. Do what’s best for you, even when others don’t want you to ❤

[@wormgirlsdad]

This is the FIRST time a video in this genre has resonated with me deeply and actually led me to the first steps of making change!!!

[@Kimberley81]

Thank you so much. Loved this tough love and real talk. Saved to remember on the harder days. I'm constantly growing and working on myself but .. some people don't hang around and show their true colours

[@mariagarza1269]

Can we talk more about haters among your friends and family and how to detach?

[@VickitaTrivedi]

i got u!

[@mollyboho]

I can't thank you enough for making this video!

[@void3926]

Watching this video at 8am without having slept when ive spend the past two days trying to create the perfect schedule for me to fix my life is literally what i need cause i self sabotage all the fucking time no matter how much i plan shit out so i either just need to sit my ass down once more or anxiety pills at this point

[@Maggietheebaddie1948]

I had good talk with my caregiver as child that I have to stop people pleasing and that I have my own beliefs and thinking and I can’t always make them happy or approve of me but that I want stop feeling like I’m hiding and family can be dysfunctional and me trying to better and heal and evolve. And use self sabotage because I was simply lazy and stubborn and didn’t care or had strong enough why. I was tying be others cause they got attention and not being true me. Now I’m staying true me and big fakeness and being a chameleon so people can accept me when I’m the prize and I’m worthy and don’t care about thru approval and validation and I’m slowly facing the music and healing and sharing my glow up journey for black women and being role model and you are inspiring I want to do content for black women. Keep content coming and love that your videos not hours long. ❤

[@LaraThomas-t6p]

girl I have been dealing with this for my whole 29 years, im autistic too so its hard to rewire the masked persona I built, but thank you for the way you spoke like a big sister, I needed this confidence in myself

[@celinamoniique]

there is so much value in this video, thank you so much ❤️

[@dnicole1391]

6:45 wow I had to pause because I’m going through this now. For a second I thought I was trippin. I’m in my late 20s and I’ve been notoriously single out of fear of abandonment until now. In the past, I only dated unavailable men who wouldn’t commit to me because deep down I felt I was unlovable. I kept settling for situationships and being heartbroken. Now I’m in my first relationship ever and things are going great so far and I’m utterly surprised no one in my family is happy for me. They were all content when I was crying and isolated but now I’m in love and they’re all side eyeing me! I think my family saw me as the fun, hopeless, single one so i feel like they’re threatened that Im changing? It’s showing me how codependent my family relationships are. A part of me wanted to give the benefit of the doubt maybe they’re just protective because I’ve been really hurt in the past but no it’s just mean spirited. Me being in love shouldn’t negatively impact my relationships with my family. How does that even make sense?

[@frickenwin]

Thank you so, so much. This is all 1,000% on point and I really appreciate hearing it from other women, it means so much.

[@Nivibunny]

You are like the best friend I never knew I needed. ❤

[@Thankfulforeverymoment]

That’s exactly what I felt when I started watching today.

[@codeman7348]

Damn, I usually feel like a confident person, but Vickita called me out on not stepping up the plate. Grateful for this video and the way you put everything into context.

[@madusa9494]

Girl I neeeeeded this video to keep me going. Thank you so much. I enjoyed hearing perspective it’s authentic!

[@habibtiz4335]

Finally a channel that doesn’t say bs like ‘just believe’

[@myfirstrodeo208]

Omg! You hit the nail on the head with me I am everything you were including dress code. I wasn't aware of my fears but this video really help me gain perspective on what's happening in my head. Thank you honesty.❤

[@desertrosecollection]

Girl, thank you!! Stumbled upon this video and yelled YESSSS to you on the screen so many times with multiple aha moments. A++ content ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[@thewizard555]

i love you vikita , you have put thoughts in my head into words and made it more clear for me

[@Elysion4eva]

Wow Vicki's thank you so much for this video! I'm currently going through this phase of trying to understand, this fear I had for the longest of times. And how you explained it brought me so much insight in myself and gave me the push to go do something about it. I love your video and I hope more people will come to see this❤ stay beautiful❤

[@carriesolomonmusic]

You are wise beyond your years, lady. I needed this pep talk! Thank you ❤

[@eccenterikahunter]

watched this and posted those pics of mine on my socials! planning to be consistent to build my content

[@r.e.t.8656]

Thank you for sharing your personal experiences. It helps that you reference your past self for your examples, and above all… thank you for the content. ❤

[@vickifernandes1413]

I was listening to this video and I hear you say "Vicki" and I swear I thought you were live, talking to me. I'm in this place and I am having such a hard time working through this. This is what fear looks like.

[@amandaqueena3750]

You’re a gem for making this video. I needed to hear this

[@JenniferFunnellArt]

So I will be listening to this every single morning for the foreseeable future. Thank you queen! ❤

[@Wimpykiddo]

Since when I started to be my own authentic self I made so many ppl mad n I could see how hard they're trying to bring me down by criticising me , but I just get more n more in to becoming my higher self

[@sharlaamysamuel]

Thank you for this real and relatable video. Starting a KZbin channel made me realise just how much I have a fear of being seen.✨

[@xbunsh0t]

it's crazy how the part I wanted to go back to is the most replayed moment. It's a little reassuring to know others struggle with the same thing and there are people who want to grow from it too.

[@BethelLevien]

You’re amazing & I truly believe I was exposed to this video as confirmation for a journey I’m currently on. Thank you! ❤

[@Backachegoldheart]

“You will never be out of friends. They are not scarce” 🔥

[@hannarino23]

This is by far the best video i've seen in a long time. Everything resonated with me so heavily. I will be watching this a few times and taking notes. I'm definitely feeling seen right now 😅

[@yndzzz]

I feel so empowered. Thanks girl! ❤

[@fueledbyjesus]

I love this girl ❤ Godsend!! So blunt & direct

[@sahtification]

you have the real life jasmine eyes ❤

[@VickitaTrivedi]

Awww 🥹

[@beautyintakes]

This video is so so sensible and to the point !! I feel exposed huhhh😂

[@ethaninwhite]

There were so many points that you made that hit extremely close to home

[@rachelh272]

This definitely helped me look inward about my fear of driving. Truthfully, it’s not the road. It’s not the driving part. It’s the fear I won’t pass, rejection of my efforts. I think it also has to do with being so late to it, and if I fail I have to take an online course I tried to do but the website was broken. It’s so hard to reach out to the BMV. But in all honesty, I don’t have my license bc I’m too afraid to go in and schedule it. I’ve had opportunities, and out of fear of rejection I block those opportunities. Thank you for helping me find my cause.

[@lilyung3203]

My goodness… this hits every spot …

[@KayMarieClair]

Its like you filmed this for me, thank you so much. I needed this!

[@djrdajul1013]

this video has my angel numbers (6 and 3) and I needed to hear these EXACT WORDS!!!! THANK YOUUUU❤❤❤🎉

[@01MJ10]

This is so necessary, thanks for sharing!

[@soniamedrano988]

Good job Liz! There's nothing better than making our parents happy!!

[@belliyt]

The parrot story is so relatable ☺️ thank you for this video 💖

[@Imtoobusyslayingrn111]

you literally changed my life and I can't be more than grateful I love u sm mwah!

[@yeojin6759]

Run towards your fears. The feeling on the other side is like heaven. You are stronger than you think!

[@meikoluvv]

Finding the root of the problem is one of the best advices. I dealt with so much anxiety socially and for my future because of past experiences. These experiences were buried in the back of my mind. The amount of embarrassing moments in my life. Walking past people made me squirmy. So is eating, sitting, and standing in public. Bffr 😹 I’d wait until someone talks to me first until I NEED to. Why do I feel this way? Until I realized it stemmed from childhood. I learnt not to give a damn. And it made my life so much better. Everyone is in their own heads and has their own problems. You can be the best person in the world but someone could still find something not to like about you and hold you back. If what I’m doing isn’t wrong why do you care? 😭 Winning sucks but losing sucks even harder. I’m not a slave to anyone anymore 😊 Also self love is so important for confidence. If I’m aware of myself as a being, I wouldn’t put up with what other people think of me, cause I know I’m great!!

[@TheNibor9]

Love your videos! Question though- after watching your video about pretty privilege, I wonder if you experience the opposite too. The dark side of pretty privilege where people (coworkers, family, x-friends) are mean and nasty to you for no other reason than that they hate you because of your beauty, positive energy, and your level? How did you overcome it?

[@itsnotmeBLEUFH-se5gn]

i feel better about these feelings now knowing that other people feel like this

[@mandabutangry1146]

Girl go on ted talk you’re incredible at this. These metaphors were sooo good and I feel like I actually have inspiration now