How to Have a Good Conversation

We too often imagine that ‘good conversations’ are things we fall into out of luck. Far from it, knowing how to have a good conversation is a skill that can be learnt - and here are the beginning of the rules.
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FURTHER READING
“Having a decent conversation is something most of us imagine we can do without any problem - and certainly without much thought. These things just happen naturally. Don’t they?
But in truth, truly good conversations come along very rarely; largely because our societies fall for the Romantic myth that knowing how to talk to other people is something we are born knowing how to do, rather than an art dependent on a little planning and a few skills. We rightly accept that total improvisation in preparing a meal is unlikely to yield good outcomes; but we show no such caution or modesty when it comes to how we might talk over the food once it has been made. Finding oneself in a good conversation can feel as haphazard and random as stumbling on a beautiful square in a foreign city at night ­- and realising one won’t reliably know how to get back there in daytime.”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/dSuY1L
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Khyan Mansley
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[@catstairs8147]

"Vulnerability builds friendship."

[@SomethingSmellsMichy]

The weak do not deserve allies!

[@santi044]

@@SomethingSmellsMichy ??

[@groundzero1041]

Vulnerability makes you weak in certain people's eyes and hence exploitable so don't show your emotions amongst people you don't trust

[@SavvyToli]

@@groundzero1041 Hence why many of us now rarely have any friends because of fear of betrayal or neglect. It takes a long time to build trust with someone after that especially when you know deep down you need a connection or friendship to feel whole again.

[@sudishhantal8]

iterated this to this person with whom things were getting vague, and things have changed for the better

[@joeysung311]

School of Life- you are my third parent.

[@cup_check_official]

you might have daddy or mommy issues then

[@joeysung311]

Only some of my issues are mommy/daddy related. The rest, I happily claim as my own.

[@annathesupercutedragon3928]

Joey Sung School of Life is my only parent ;-;

[@abbamohd7427]

I think so too 😂

[@knocknockify]

Tell Me This School of Life has a video on that

[@theaxisofinsight]

The hardest part of any conversation is listening to understand. Most people listen to respond.

[@theaxisofinsight]

Surprisingly most people tend to do the latter before the former. I agree with you though.

[@SplitSniper7]

That's a very interesting insight. I've never thought about it that way.

[@jigglypufforninjas7290]

this is gold imma save this comment

[@eus9]

Mr Moustache It is easy to understand what someone is saying, the difficulty can come from understanding what they *want* to say.

[@insafegul]

I listen to understand...

[@fadi77fadi77]

I've noticed that the only channel I can't make out the voice clearly while eating coco pops cereal is the school of life. The frequencies of Alain's voice curiously overlaps with the sound of crunching coco pops, which have taught to avoid watching this channel while eating cereal.

[@juliz2500]

Fadi Al Salti Lol

[@nursejennyk40]

Fadi Al Salti holy shit I thought I was the only one

[@mach9713]

hey are you from Lebanon?

[@tomservo5007]

or switch cereals

[@RenatoKestener]

That sounds hard to you. How do you manage to select the videos while eating cereal? You drop the spoon while mouthful or interrupt your eating?

[@nuljeon]

I love how this comment section is just one big therapy session

[@thegoodwillchannel]

i love your analogy.

[@Ontariokelley]

🐅

[@morbid1.]

I'm really really bad at conversations... talking in general is one of my many flaws. I always found a someone who was good at talking so I kept quiet...

[@SandraShani1]

Jak widzisz, nie jesteś sam. As you can see, you're not alone. ;)

[@nitinpandita1389]

Well you are introvert then, i reckon

[@dickiewongtk]

Why say anything if you have nothing to say?

[@taupesky32]

@@dickiewongtk that’s what awkward people say haha

[@spillthechaa]

@@dickiewongtk Agree. It is much more ok to just listen instead of forcing yourself to respond just to make the conversation going.

[@mauromodica]

04:00 But wouldn't that be rude?...It seems like he doesn't want to talk about the loss of his mother, and yet, she still points that out this confuse me...

[@sheepnoisebah]

i thought so too. sounds like a conversation you have with a therapist not in front of a group of acquaintances. maybe it's fine if they're close friends, but the beginning of the video makes it look like they're not since they're showing examples of bad conversations.

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Mauro! Himmmm, I didn't think it was rude because she seemed really very kind and caring. Sometimes, especially when you are deeply in pain, a person who loves you a lot may know it better than you, what you really need in that moment. That's one very beautiful thing about friendship. It is not that he didn't want to speak about his mother. In that case he would have refused to answer her question. It would be enough if he just said: " I don't feel like talking about it right now". And no one would push him. He probably was feeling very insecure abobut it. We live in a society where you are not supposed to "burden" anybody with your feelings. But the girl, by asking him to talk about his mother, gave him the " opportunity" to open up. And I am sure it felt much better to him, than talking about his favourite football team. Just a thought...

[@landrew1385]

Mauro Modica Definitely agree. I lost a parent when I was 17 and had to suffer through about a million of these kinds of conversations. Yes, you miss them. Yes, it was hard. But you probing me about how they died or what I went through is not comforting. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it and it's not her job to make him feel vulnerable. His mother's death isn't his whole life and he wants to express other things that are happening. That's how you move on. If your friends are constantly bringing it up you need to tell them to back the fuck off and stop doing that.

[@bolivar1789]

Hello Laura. I am very sorry to hear that. I have lost a parent too. You say he didn't want to talk about it. But he brought the subject though. I mean if he didn't want to talk about it at all, he probably wouldn't have mentioned it. But I may be wrong of course...

[@anxietyebriety6553]

I believe you need to be "in the situation" to be able to feel it out. I wouldn't take this as a direct guide or anything. Live action conversation honestly can go anywhere.

[@jbillson]

I find being vunerable and self-deprecating to most people, they see this as a weakness rather than connecting with me on a spiritual level. Maybe it's to hide their own insecurities by picking on mine. I feel if someone was, honest, vunerable and self-deprecating to me I would connect with them instantly. Although I understand most people don't want to do this. What I think I'm trying to say is, I really connect with honest people.

[@elky360]

jbillson I think there is a difference between being vulnerable and self deprecating. The former is a strength, and the latter is a weakness (almost self harm).

[@RialuCaos]

Well, they are called "vulnerabilities" for a reason. They can be used as a weapon against you, or as a chance to become closer to you. People learn to not expose their vulnerabilities out of fear of the former.

[@jbillson]

仮面 fair comment

[@marco_marvelous]

When you expose your weaknesses, try doing it in a funny way. Like if you're in a very dark room, something like "it's so dark in here wtf. Meh. Still brighter than my future."

[@mach9713]

you are so me ^

[@bodnotbod]

"I'm inviting some friends I haven't seen since uni." "God, what's that.. like, ten, twelve years?" "WHAT!? Get out of my flat now, I'm only 24! Jesus!"

[@bayramcigel8121]

Like saying that "You are so old." LOL

[@misterscorpius1446]

Maybe they just think that highly of you.

[@Rachaelshaw7]

hahaha

[@Profile.4]

She's like 30

[@badidea6034]

😂😂😂😂

[@GenJotsu]

Its tough when all the same aged people around you are still too immature to talk about things *other* than superficial matters. Superficial can be more fun of course, but it can be suffocating.

[@xzonia1]

So true! This sort of conversation is actively discouraged in the U.S. At work we have to keep things superficial or literally get in trouble. I've lost most of my friends over the years, and don't see the others in person any more. The only time I ever sit down and chat with others in person these days is when I visit family, and they generally talk about anything other than emotions. I only have two online friends that I ever have real conversations with. If it wasn't for them, I'd starve for emotional discussions.

[@FelonyArson]

+JoKing One can tell themselfs that it's fun... But it's mainly suffocating

[@user-tu8ti6sr1r]

JoKing Suffocating is the perfect word to describe this situation.

[@mavsworld1733]

I have plenty of good emotional conversations with people varying from 3 to 80. I would suggest that instead of blaming those around you, you look at your own behaviour.

[@moewyngaard7191]

preach

[@michaelpeterson8843]

Conversation is a dance and each of us is our own choreographer. We move with cautious steps toward or away from those with whom we dance. The goal isn’t always deep involvement or heartfelt expression. Frivolous and light is still enjoyable and worthy. When the energy is there and two choreographies work well then we can take the dive into intimacy.

[@strangestgirlintown]

lovely put!

[@twyfv]

so beautifully put!

[@android9443]

School of Life treats topics that could be quite confronting or challenging in such a gentle, honest, non judgemental way. It's so refreshing

[@alananderson007008]

Well... With some people I can just talk and the conversation flows really natural, but with others i get tired because I have to stay thinking about what I will talk next just to be cool. I hate that. But i m realizing that everyday i get more dificult to have deeply connections, and I miss that. Its so sad :(

[@janaangelavillaluz]

Michael De Santa especially when you _want_ to have a good convo with someone and u feel like u Can but just nothing comes to mind?¿

[@alananderson007008]

Hahaha Happens with me all the time

[@noirlime5801]

Same here :/

[@spillthechaa]

It's like you need to impress them or you don't want to make things awkward. But when it comes to your people, you can joke around or not even respond because you know they know you already.

[@mephistophelesthesilentchi3446]

Being able to take charge and be aware of the conversational topic and flow, is imperative. But I think patience is what's most essential. We all crave deep conversation, but putting the feelings of others before ones own, not being frustrated to go through the motions of small talk and not being afraid to try and practice, is what reveals the true purpose of deep conversation: Building and sustaining relationships.

[@cup_check_official]

thats all fine but sometimes the OTHER person doesnt know how to have a good convo and then no matter what you do you have to think about minecraft to keep yourself entertained

[@zchan9842]

Tell Me This iii

[@sansamman4619]

I never have those calm conversations, the real annoying thing is when you want to talk about something you love but no one loves it!

[@cup_check_official]

But sometimes the other persons loves the thing that you love to talk about and thats the best thing ever :)

[@Shunarjuna]

You just have to put a red stone torch one of the blocks and connect it to the other side with some red stone dust…

[@djuraster]

how is blaming others helping you?

[@Testing725]

"my mom died" yeah I'm trying to change the subject but you know... keep harping on it..............

[@fazendeirocapoeira]

i laughed out loud at that, its is like, bitch let it go, cant you see i dont want to talk about this?

[@jcsjapan]

That's precisely the point of the video, though. By avoiding vulnerable and emotional conversation, we tend to just talk about the same ol' everyday talk. In a sense, it's a lot easier to avoid difficult subject matter, but by not diving in and opening up, you aren't inviting your family or friends into your life. How can people know how to better connect with you if you aren't sharing what's actually going on in your heart and mind? Keeping it all to yourself doesn't help you, and that was where they were going. Some times a good friend is the one who asks the hard questions and gets the conversation moving forward.

[@frankdrebin7949]

That's true, it can be seen as rude. They just wanted to highlight the fact that not getting offended and answering the question builds up a friendship instead of breaking it apart.

[@Ice.muffin]

+Jason Capp You cannot imagine how glad I feel when I come across someone who *does* understand, finally!

[@ALiJ4LIFE]

True! Reminds me of Downey Jr's interview with Krishnanmurty when Krishnan just wouldn't stop asking Downey about his past. Exposing other's weakness is a trick business.

[@unbr34k4bl3]

I think that one conversation where she keeps prying about his dead mother is not how one should conduct something like that. If you are alone then yes, but in a group you are showing their vulnerabilities without their consent. It seems obvious that he wanted to switch subjects quickly because the death of his mother is not something that he wants to talk about in this setting....keeping him on that is just cruel and unnecessary. The other example was way better (not going for shallow questions but deeper ones). That was horrible advice, I expect better from you guys

[@sheepnoisebah]

i guess he could just say he doesn't want to talk about it? but i felt the same way you did.

[@alban.dano.93]

Idk why people seem to miss the point of these lessons. The video is just an illustration. It is not telling you to pry into someone in front of everyone. It is not supposed to be taken literally.

[@unbr34k4bl3]

+Alban Dano I get what you're saying but it's a bad illustration/example then. It undermines the whole point they try to make.

[@eus9]

Alban Dano It's not just an illustration devoid of meaning though; it is didactic and while the overall teachings were good, that part was a poor example.

[@-anaamna5616]

unbr34k4bl3 ya I felt uncomfortable when she went back to it with the second question. maybe he is avoiding it on purpose. why force him to talk about it. if he wants to open up he will when feels to like it.

[@Fluxquark]

I think the hallmark of a good conversation is that you can't reconstruct how it moved from subject to subject because there where so many new directions it moved into. This is only possible in organic, natural conversations where both participants are going with the flow and freely speaking their mind.

[@WILD__THINGS]

This video was so well done and I agree with it very much. I'm never one for small talk or surface level conversation. I love diving deep. However when I entice someone else to open up and display their vulnerabilities I often then feel responsible for somehow offering a solution or finding a positive twist to put on it which is usually not possible. That leaves me feeling guilty for making them feel bad. It's as if I tore off their bandage, poked around the wound a bit and then left it open and exposed. "Oh great, look what I've gone and done now". When it comes to my own vulnerabilities, I actually welcome the chance to discuss them but there's always something in the back of my mind telling me I am making myself look weak or inferior to the other person.

[@zpak8050]

Yes exactly the same feeling. And this video helped me a lot just now

[@tworfling]

Oh my god it's insane just how enlightening this video is. I've always done the first surface route and I always wondered why none of the conversations I had were satisfying. When you showed the other route it was like a whole new perspective was being shown to me and I couldn't believe how more natural and interesting the conversation got. Thank you for this!!!

[@avallach2061]

"That's what connects us. Strength may be impressive, but it's vulnerability that builds friendships." Beautiful, made me think a lot, thanks.

[@Conorp77]

'It's just so stupid!' That guy is me lol

[@AspiringAbogado]

"ayyyy lmao fam dat lit af u trippin tho" -How actual conversations go

[@sherlockholmes3302]

I wish people at my college watched these videos, they would all be so much nicer!

[@joppekim]

People usually gravitate towards me and i might have figured out why. I wonder about a lot of things. I ask people about things, even things i already know the answer to, i do it to connect with them, always asks questions ever since i was a kid, and some times i actually learn something. I just figured out that people love answering questions, it makes them feel worthy, and have knowledge. I know that many people know things i don't, so i always ask out of curiosity, and i listen to the answer, remembering the answer, and improve myself as a part of it, sometimes quote the answer back to them and say stuff like ''Ahh, that makes sense now, i didn't know that'' So i think the key is to be genuine, and speak the truth, and wonder about things around you, try to learn, everyone knows something you don't.

[@RiazMeghji]

The conversational crossroads is a great point. They pop up everywhere. This shows us the power of listening and digging deep with our questions to get to that level of intimacy.

[@TheCharismaAcademy]

This video was great - going to try rapeseed oil, flavour revolution

[@businessmastery8748]

I prefer macadamia personally

[@businessmastery8748]

but I'm cheap

[@TheCharismaAcademy]

haha I'll add that to the list also

[@dedpxl]

what a funny comment to scroll down onto after finishing the video.

[@thebigwarthog]

Canola oil FTW

[@AwesomeCandy244]

I swear I value my youth so much. It's just so easy to never end up with a stale conversation when you're kicking it with a group of pals at my age.

[@alexarihani2902]

If you could watch a video of conversations you had five years ago do you think you’d find it interesting to listen to?

[@coldgrunter4753]

I've been away with people this weekend and this video describes my experience perfectly. The weekend was ok, but I wasn't able to really connect with anybody. Thank you for helping me understand my struggles!

[@almatsailaukhan9181]

is there a way to have a good conversation without negativity? loss, fear, anxiety, depression, abandonment ain't exactly the most fun topics.

[@kevintort4257]

Feelings make connections ! When you talk to someone go over facts and make others express what they feel about something. Great video !

[@charcoalanderson8010]

Well and truly 🤯 for me. I can't wait to try this

[@cavv0667]

The School Of Life, I believe that you have your own opinion but, for me, I've found extreme satisfaction in conversations where the subjects do move about... in a very organic way. Feelings aren't the only way to connect with others; I understand where your stance lies but I haven't found that as the sole truth. Understanding others' thoughts and their reasoning behind them is just as valid a way of connecting with them as with sharing raw feelings.

[@sansamman4619]

when you want to talk about quantum physics or the square root of -1 with your family ...

[@1999arjan]

Kenan Krakovic I see what you did there.

[@hendrixigancio2591]

san kitty That's complex

[@SplitSniper7]

I'm embarrassed how hard I laughed at this.

[@catvalentine4317]

san kitty I'm glad I have my brother for that ^^

[@iyxon]

san kitty wow youre so cool that some engaging convo there

[@ruiarruda7807]

"yeah cause I'm really a big fan of Manchester United and..." "no wait, so your mom passed away, right? Like, that's so tragic. Horrible. Go back to that now."

[@shannenlibres2365]

Ahahahaha true I got a weird vibe from that

[@TypicallyUniqueOfficial]

I think also it depends on the level of comfortability we have with someone before we start trying to dig deeper. It's extremely contextual. I wouldn't push to know more details of a person's feelings about their mother's passing (as per the video) in the first couple conversations. It's like a give and take, as well as timing. So for example, if I am trying to get deeper into the layer of a person's life (surface/subsurface) I will reveal a "secret" or "private fact" about myself. This usually makes the other person more comfortable with us, and in turn they usually will feel more comfortable to tell you a more deep conversation thread. Some people it takes 1 conversation, others it may take months, however, this video is fairly basic in talking about comfortability and connection in regards to being able to have a deeper conversation that's more emotional. They are indeed what makes us closer to people.

[@Morphick]

This makes me feel hopeful that I can learn how to connect with people more deeply by sharing my vulnerabilities. Thank you for these beautiful teachings, TSOL.

[@cruisingmimi9319]

We talk about facts not feelings...true and deep. Conversation is an ART. Quote...” vulnerability builds friendships “.

[@elijahragland8498]

Lowkey been looking for advice on this channel about being too vulnerable, if that's a thing? Oversensitivity? Being too intimate? Like, why do I do that with the partners I've had? It hard to balance between being a soppy cry baby but a warmly loving mess and a cold and distant lover but level-headed thinker.

[@elijahragland8498]

I mean, I guess I've found a lot of bit and pieces of good information here but I still would like to see something that addresses it more directly.

[@juliz2500]

Have you heard of HSP? Highly Sensitive People?

[@elijahragland8498]

Juliz hmm. No. Interesting concept from why Ive gleaned on it just now over the Internet. I dunno if I would categorize that way but I feel as though I might fit. Just the other day I was having trouble trying not to pout at work because of the tiny little things my coworkers would say.

[@oaktadopbok665]

The best part of any conversation is "goodbye."

[@nachaninsirikron-eisthv4514]

I am a big fan of School Of Life, and recently I notice that School Of Life had adapt live-action instead of pure animation in their film. My point is these "live-action" make it harder for me to comprehend the topic. School Of Life film used to make me feel more like reading a book, due to unrealistic animation; the viewer are the one who connect the film to their own life, but now the "actor" pin my creativity and stop my memory to influence to the learning experience. P.S I still really LOVE this film, carefully crafted like before.@schooloflife

[@dayanaralopez-cordova556]

Nachanin Sirikron-eisthv I agree with you regarding the personal imagination an individual can add while watching the animations. it also threw me a bit off guard watching SOL live action (first live action vid I've seen from them), but after watching the video, given the topic, I see why they did it. Simply because it would've been difficult to exemplify the conversation and body language had been animated.

[@visavou]

man. do not stop posting videos. trust me you have no idea how helpful these things are.

[@pleiadeshaveset]

I won't say I'm bad at interacting with others, but when it comes down to deep talking about each other's feelings, I am no good, and thus I feel really bad for not being able to help a friend that goes through hell. I guess this video has helped me in a way, but the video I'm looking forward to is how can I help my friends. Thanks for posting!

[@von1145]

I could have used this video 30 minutes ago when I had nothing to say to this really cute girl, thanks school of life not being 1 hour earlier

[@gessamonte]

Sometimes we don't need to understand everything... we just need to listen.

[@octane2344]

convos don't have to be heavy all the time. and they don't have to be shallow entertainment. A lot of times entertaining someone helps them to open up and feel safe with sharing their feelings. when they do open up, we have to be non-judgmental and demonstrate acceptance. if possible, help that person to celebrate life through the midst of pain and heartache.

[@charcoalanderson8010]

I swear such a simple concept has completely changed my life. Those who ask about Facts vs. Feelings. I've been a Facts or 'Surface' question person my whole life and never understood small talk or creating bonds with others through conversation but with this one simple understanding I now feel equipped to talk to just about anyone. I often half listen to YT videos while doing other stuff but these videos I always make sure to take in every word and I usually come away with immense positive changes in mindset.

[@Lukas-kh5gu]

To put it in a nutshell: Focus on your feelings instead of listing endless facts. Be honest and don't be apprehensive of showing vulnerability here and there. Sort out unnecessary info that might only cover up what lies beneath and ask specifically for it.

[@minadief]

I know that I'm socially not skillful, but when I began to focus on almost everyone around me who I thought that they are socially skillful, I began to realize that my social awkwardness or silence is much better than their rowdiness

[@artivism4068]

This is me 100%. It really is an artform. I always gently steer conversations to what matters most to that person and that's when you get heartfelt honesty and thats how you learn about people. I want to develop myself into the greatest interviewer the world has ever seen. Maybe someday Ill be able to interview Donald Trump haha

[@ravirajyaguru5905]

Jason Guzman Teach me master!

[@MasterAppels]

That's the thing a lot of interviewers/hosts don't have, especially amateurs doing it on KZbin or podcasts. It (steering conversation) is particularly important when there's more than one person with you in the conversation.

[@artivism4068]

How would you like me to teach you? You have facebook?

[@ravirajyaguru5905]

Yes. _lh3.googleusercontent.com/_696ufXNxki8IXSsRtHsr-bweY7q6OA8R1uOwZxfjSOW2KV9GOsFfX7yd2Joo652XOXi5ygUcA_

[@artivism4068]

?? it said error. i thought you were going to link me to your facebook profile.

[@craighamaimbo844]

I was hurt but am beginning to heal at 35, I fill it's when am beginning to be reparented but I need to parent my son, thank you the school of life.

[@ThecrazyJH96]

With each generation being more enveloped with technology, you can literally tell that each generation is getting worse with conversations and more socially awkward lol

[@DeathYear2012]

Joseph Harding Simon Sinek had a great look into phone addiction. With dopamine addiction, finding that pleasure in each like and viral acceptance without building real connections between two people. Instant gratification is an uphill battle, but we've all got something to conquer.

[@lorrainewilliams7896]

Yet no one in this video was on their phone...

[@kurt4061]

@@DeathYear2012 I saw that. I loved that speech.

[@jakubkoutny9289]

vulnerability builds friendships.......... thank you I needed that

[@atiqahdiyana5665]

OK. here's the thing though. I'm good at starting conversations. I've always been an awkward, socially anxious, weird little child. so I had to learn how to socialise and have proper, genuine conversations and they're easy enough but what if the other person is the one that's not trying? what about in situations, where people already have a certain perspective of you and try as you might you can't seem to break through that perspective. how do I go about having proper conversations with them?

[@breannathompson9094]

Now that I think about it my favorite conversations are when you explain how you feel and the other person agrees fully and can add more valuable input with better feelings.

[@TheMarcus423]

Wow! Thank you for this video! I've been thinking exactly about that, the difference between superficial conversations and meaningful ones, and how to to have more of the second type... I usually love your videos, but I would particularly appreciate more videos on this subject :D Keep up the good work, you guys are amazing!

[@zpak8050]

Yes exactly!

[@jackdiamond9387]

Vulnerability being important in conversation and becoming likable is a good insight

[@fineline392]

Sir, I have a suggestion. The real life video aspect that you include now is great but I believe that inserting one gives the viewer a very unnecessarily specific view of what the situation must be in which to follow your advice. On the contrary, the simple yet interesting animations makes you have a broader perspective on the situation being faced. This is certainly what the viewer would want in such inspiring video content.

[@amg0788]

I rather talk to people one on one then in groups. I feel more connected and comfortable and like I'm able to open up. Talking about surface subjects is okay to open up a conversation but it feels superficial. Talking about our feelings and experiences is fulfilling.

[@meinungabundance7696]

And may be we should also work on this: how to love people who dont show themselves vulnerable? If we are not capable of doing this, this also shows OUR big deficit.

[@liatnoten3762]

One thing I always avoid is asking people what their job is. In many cases it's something they're not that excited or just neutral about. I love asking people what they love to do, what they would do if they could do anything. It's so cool to see people light up when they answer!

[@LuizFelipe-lk1hs]

Is it really a safe step to keep bringing up the subject about that guy's parents' divorce and his mum dying a few months later? Sometimes people just let information slip, they don't necessarily want to talk about it, that's why he changed the subject twice

[@morgangreen2526]

This channel really lives up to its name. I always come to these types of videos in order to learn how to be a more complete interactive person. I just love the way that you all put so much effort in making the videos digestable, even for people in a hurry. Thank you.

[@gabrielcapote4157]

I struggle a lot when it comes to have a conversation with someone new. These tips are awesome actually.

[@palaksharma5078]

school of life, i love you.

[@dexon5950]

People say I always come of as socially awkward but I don't think I'm awkward I just have my unconventional ways of expressing myself

[@MiriFenske]

I loove having conversations, but nobody wants to talk about interesting topics with me 😅

[@quartz6902]

Miri Fenske I guess you are the boring one

[@MiriFenske]

Haha no. I´m just not the "smalltalk-one". I always want to have deep conversations about topics that really matter xD

[@shorx9199]

Well if you want to you should eh??

[@Zelinity]

These guys are reinvinting education on a more socio-philosophical level and somewhere whereas our current educational curriculums seems to be lacking. (U.S.)

[@SwiftestGamer]

Hmm...I suppose this is what I had been lacking. I'll try this out, seems very plausible that I'd been despising superficiality while being superficial myself.

[@omarrahman88]

All British people need to watch this video. It's always an uphill task to talk about non-superficial things with them, unless they are high or drunk.

[@GoatTHEGreat]

Do you record in a booth? The narrator's voice quality is absolutely perfect.

[@danacampbell1958]

On the nail head! When I was young, I labored under the delusion that people would like me and respect me more if I seemed to lead a perfect life. Somewhere along the line I figured out that that was very wrong. The best conversation I've had recently started with me saying, "When you're a teenager daydreaming about your future family, it never occurs to you that things can go wrong."

[@leytpdipooperman8733]

Me: “Where’s that dude, I wanna hear that dude” *That dude starts speaking ten seconds later* Me: “Nice”

[@wilangeldrifter]

this type of convos are really really rare.

[@ItsCjhoneycomb]

I like how he looked at her like "bitch, don't you see I don't want to talk about that"

[@johannesmaximilian848]

I see a video from The school of Life, i instantly click on it and hit the like button...

[@charliecastillo2011]

This video is making me contemplate every single conversation I've had with other people in my life.

[@emmazhang2418]

But what if you barely know each other? You can’t go from, “Hey, the weather is nice,” to “Yeah, my mom just died last night and I cried for 12 hours straight”

[@emmanuelmshelia9257]

This unblocked my entire difficulty in conversation. This is exactly what I have been missing.

[@benjamin1733]

I DID FRENCH.

[@Spiderbro8]

I like questioning peoples motives and actions because its generally more interesting than the story they're telling. You can learn a lot about someone just by interrupting them with 'why' sometimes.

[@quanluong7908]

The sadness connect people and happiness make them better make their life more positive

[@nostalgicsoul9758]

when he said "i just miss my mom" :,(

[@sobrevida157]

In de Botton's book The Romantic Movement, there is this very clever section of opposing tree diagrams. One one page, the listener responds with thoughtful rejoinders and clarifying, expanding questions. On the other, the listener responds with reductive mansplanations and unrelated questions that lead to disconnection. It's in the chapter Who Do You Allow Me to Be, with the over-arching theme that other people allow us to be different people, and we are naturally drawn to those who bring out the parts of ourselves for which we wish to be seen.

[@chesslmc]

You are actually shaping a better world. As always, thank you.

[@beth_9214]

It might be a culture thing or a personal thing, but as Brazilian I like deep conversations more, I don't like to do small talks, I hate small talks, superficial talks, I always like to know how the person is really feeling, and empowering her to feel whatever that is, and I like to give her space to express her feelings, instead of always shifting the conversation towards something that's totally useless, like small talks!!! I like to connect and I like to feel connected!!!

[@jadenyuki6298]

A video for all the socially awkward people like us! ^_^ Thanks. I'll use these tips on my waifus.

[@D0gDiaries]

This style of video (with real life examples and with a more paused way of saying the things) really works better !

[@maevepreston1934]

does a Good Conversation have to be this depressing?

[@NESherv]

So glad to see Dr. Hannah Roxburgh back in your videos, The School of Life. The videos she hosted and narrated a few years ago were some of the best you have made, and her presence has been very much missed in your videos since. She has a rare brand of peaceful charisma, deep knowledge and understanding, and disarming presentation. As a viewer, I feel she fits right into The School of Life's videos.

[@CHAOS3RDEYE]

These were real British convos tho. Dryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[@bobstone3386]

The Silver Rook Nah these conversations were shit. "I found a great vegan cookbook!" I would have just walked out immediately.

[@NotADeadFish17]

The Silver Rook -what would school of life have to say about that comment you made? The comment you reacted so violently to was a lighthearted opinion, and obviously meant no negative intent. “You’re an idiot.” Projection much ?

[@supahjadi8944]

i am Dry? Maybe in your opinion. I always try to connect with people, and just walking away without trying is very rude, and to me it looks like giving up. You can easily turn vegan cookbook into some other interesting topic that you have in mind.

[@chrisdavidson6838]

CHAOS ABZU and that was after a bottle or two of chardonnay!! .

[@jacoboddie5364]

I hate bartending but it is great for learning how to converse well with strangers

[@pattycake5643]

like the commenter below, you guys show up just on time in my life. I guess we are not all that diffront when it comes to this thing called life. I do some of this in a good sence and the rambling part. but I read the people kind of quickly and then stop and make my point. sometimes I just talk and have to admit that I forgot ware I was going with what I was jabbering about. I do talk to myself a lot so I forget that I need to be aware when with a acctual person.

[@kashyapvariyani4037]

I had the same kind of conversation with a female friend who met a school friend after 5 years. Me: "you're meeting her after 5 years" She: "yes" Me: "you both must've changed after all these years." She: "Not at all. She's still the same" Didn't know what to do then.😅

[@multicrogamer]

More of these types of videos. Great way to explain theory and make examples with acting. Also i like old style with drawings.

[@dayanaralopez-cordova556]

Antonio Golubovic right! both are great. I just depends on the topic, sometimes live action is needed to better depict certain concepts

[@Sergiosanpr]

I love your videos so much. I have used your ideas and aids an innumerable number of time. Sincerely I hope this channel never cease to exist

[@Sergiosanpr]

I really doubt it. Even if adults knew all of this children will have to learn it

[@maru4778]

Hey, vsauce, 🅱ichael here

[@joltedlozengek4708]

Heyyyyyy, 🅱️sauce, 🅱️ich🅰️el here

[@empathylessons2267]

BBBBBBBBBBBB

[@justinsingh8245]

I have this one friend that when I ask him how he's doing all he says is good then it's an hour of silence

[@denzelray4558]

After implementing some of this stuff and being more mindful during conversation, I've concluded that I'm not the problem. The same thing someone may find interesting when talking to their best friends, they find boring when talking to anyone else. People are anti social

[@konijntjewiebel4842]

Honosty the biggest difference I found in good friends is that they were truley happy for me when something good happened (while the old ones reacted a lot more neutral or even negative, which made me a lot less happy). It is a nice thing to share your (honost) happiness and show people how good things can be (even if it might mean that they feel slightly sad because they realize they are not as happy in that moment. This feeling might even have them change their situation to be more happy as well) Off course be carefull and considerate with sharing strong emotions (especially around very insecure or depressed people.) Also to try to be happy for other people, even if you are not that happy yourself (instead of jealousy). Try to raise their happiness even more and share it. When you see you can raise their happiness you might even feel a bit more happy yourself (for something you didn't even do). Of course you should share your problems, sadness, madness and other emotions as well, just be honost with how you feel and make clear if you can deal with it or if you want help or reassurance. I just talked about happiness since this video seemed a bit negative around sharing happiness (but I could have understood that wrongly)

[@radash]

I find watching almost any School of Life video with someone a great conversation starter